Work Text:
[6:14 pm]
Rio: Reminder that the hearing is at 1pm tomorrow.
[9:46 pm]
Agatha: don't worry, i'm not going to miss the chance to divorce you. :)
"That outfit looks new."
Agatha looks down at her fitted wrap plum blazer, with matching trousers. "It's a special occasion, isn't?"
She takes in Rio's outfit of black oversized double-breasted blazer, over a forest green halter top with black pants.
"Clearly, you agree with me."
Rio nods, acquiescing.
"Well, shall we?" Agatha gestures to the door. Rio opens it. "After you, m'lady."
Agatha walks out of the house, her shoulder bumping into Rio on her way past. Rio exhales and follows behind her.
"Next on the docket, we have case #1750, Rio Vidal v Agatha Harkness, Judge Collins presiding. Jennifer Walters, representing Rio Vidal. Agatha Harkness representing herself."
Judge Collins stops looking through the case file in front of him. "Mrs. Harkness, you do not have legal representation?"
Agatha smirks. "Not in this particular case."
Jennifer attempts to mask a laugh by coughing. Rio sits next to her, face staring stoically forward, her lips twitching.
"Everything alright Miss Walters?"
Jennifer takes a sip of water. "Yes, sorry, had something stuck in my throat. Please continue, your honor."
"Mrs. Harkness, in light of your lack of representation, I will ask you some questions for the record then." Agatha gives a small shrug, motions for Collins to continue.
"Have you read and do you agree with the terms of your settlement agreement?"
"Yes."
"The settlement states that while you retain possession of the house, Mrs. Vidal gets alimony. Do you believe that is fair to you?"
"Let it never be said I don't pay my debts."
"Miss Walters, do you have any questions for your client?"
"Mrs. Vidal, does the agreement encompass the entire settlement between you and your spouse?"
"Yes."
"No further questions, your honor."
Collins, puzzled, narrows his eyes. Jennifer resolutely nods back. He shrugs in response.
"What is the cause of action?" Collins asks.
Rio leans forward. "Irreconcilable differences."
"The judgment of divorce is granted."
"Always a pleasure, Jennifer." Rio salutes her.
"You two have fun." Jennifer leaves, laughing in amused disbelief.
Rio turns her attention to Agatha. "What now, Agatha?"
Agatha types on her cell phone with one hand while the other waves in the air. "I'm going to the office. I need to ensure affairs are in order for later."
Rio nods, taking advantage of Agatha's distracted focus to grab the wrist of Agatha's flailing hand; pulls her close enough to grasp her waist with the other hand.
Surprised, Agatha's mouth slightly parts as she's pressed against Rio. Rio leans in, gently places a kiss on Agatha's lips. Agatha melts into Rio, hungrily opening her mouth to deepen the kiss; Rio eagerly responds in matching fervor.
A few heartbeats later, Rio reluctantly pulls away but keeps holding Agatha's wrist, rubbing the inside of it with her thumb. "I'll see you at home, amorcito."
"Agatha, I told you to stop inviting me to these."
Agatha leans on Jen's office door frame. "Whatever are you referring to Jen?" Agatha's voice is dripping with false innocence.
"I'm referring to this email I received, requesting my presence at 6pm tonight, to be a witness to the union between Agatha Harkness and Rio Vidal," Jen returns testily.
Agatha sniffles, clutches at her chest. "I'm sorry that I thought my close friend would want to be there for me on the happiest day of my life."
"Bitch, please. This is your eighth wedding to Rio, 'the happiest day of my life' spiel is not going to fly."
"Alright, Kale." Agatha drops all pretense. "What do you want."
"I want off the Strange account and your parking spot."
A harsh laugh precedes Agatha's reply. "I'll give you Zelma for help and you get Hela's spot."
Jen sighs. "Fine."
"Eighth anniversary is linen or lace, we're at the usual registries!" Agatha says over her shoulder.
Jen rubs at her temples, then picks up her cell phone. "Hey Alice, I know we have plans for tonight, but how would you like to go with me to a wedding instead?"
"Teen, what kind of teenager are you?"
Cornered in the break room, Billy tilts his head, quizzically. "I'm sorry?"
Agatha snaps her fingers. "Age. What is it."
"Oh!" Billy smiles. "I just turned eighteen."
"Great. Be at my house by 6pm." Agatha looks him up and down. "And wear something nice." She twirls and heads out.
Billy looks down at his outfit; tan pants with a white sweater over a blue button-down shirt. "Nicer than this?" he whispers, confused, under his breath.
Billy rings the doorbell. He anxiously picks at his suit coat. The door opens to reveal Agatha.
She scans Billy's outfit, taps her finger on her lips.
Uncomfortable by the intensity of Agatha's stare, he blurts out, "It's the nicest outfit I own, but I haven't worn it since my bar mitzvah and it was big on me then, but now it's kinda short, I'm so sorry—"
Agatha's finger stills.
"Shh."
She turns and goes further into the house, crooking her finger at Billy to follow.
Billy enters to find that the living room has been transformed; the coffee table and wingback chairs removed with the couch pushed back to open the space. He sees a wooden archway in front of the fireplace with flowers entwined throughout, a selection of lilacs, roses, and azaleas. There's an open laptop centered on the mantle, with a Zoom meeting on the screen.
Billy turns to see Jen sitting on the couch. She's wearing a shimmery pink dress, her crossed legs accentuated by its deep slit. Next to her, unfamiliar to Billy, is a smaller woman outfitted in a black suit with a red tie that matches the streaks in her hair.
"Agatha, who's child is this?" Jen asks.
Billy waves nervously. "Oh, we've met before, I'm Bi—"
Agatha clamps a hand over his mouth. "Interns are to be seen and not heard."
"And why is an intern at your wedding?"
Billy's eyebrows raise. A muffled "This is your wedding?" comes out from behind Agatha's hand.
Agatha removes her hand and uses it to flip her hair over her shoulder. "Wanda is in England visiting Vis' family and with the time difference, I needed a replacement witness."
"Teen will have to stand," she gestures at Alice next to Jen on the couch, "someone decided to bring a plus one."
Jen waves her off. "I was not going to another one of your weddings to Rio solo."
Alice places a hand on Jen's shoulder. "Wait, did you say another? As in more than one?"
Jen scoffs. "More like seven."
Alice's voice gets higher. "To the same person?"
Agatha rolls her eyes. "What can I say, we're exceptional." She claps her hands together. "Now where were we?"
Rio walks in from the study. "Corazón, the meeting is about to start."
"Welcome to Lilia's Divine Ceremonies, I’m Lilia Calderu and I'm happy to officiate—"
Lilia groans.
"Oh, not you two again."
Rio grins, wide, to the point where it passes friendly and moves into the realm of unsettling. "Lilia, you recognized us."
"Hard to forget when I see you every year now," Lilia grumbles.
"Now, now, is that any way to treat paying customers on their special day?" Agatha says. "I would hate to have to leave a bad review."
Lilia gives a tight smile. "My apologies."
She takes a deep breath, starts again. "Welcome to Lilia's Divine Ceremonies, I’m Lilia Calderu and I'm happy to officiate your wedding today. Do you have two witnesses present?"
Jen raises her hand. "Present."
Lilia nods. "Thank you. And the other…?"
Agatha glares at Billy. "You can speak now."
"Sorry!" He moves closer and leans to the side so he's more visible. "Present."
Lilia narrows her eyes. "How old are you?"
Agatha pushes Billy away. "He's legal Calderu, move it along."
Lilia sighs. "Do you have vows, that you'd like to exchange?"
Agatha and Rio clasp their hands between them.
"As we walk life's road, I'll forever hold your hand in mine."
"As we walk life's road, I'll always carry on by your side."
"By the Divine Mother, I pronounce you married. You may seal this union with a kiss."
Agatha yanks Rio's face toward her; Rio more than willing to let her. As their lips meet, Jen exclaims, "Congrats but Agatha, you better have gotten cake this time!"
Rio sits at the table, spreading strawberry jam on her breakfast of cold leftover pizza when a stack of papers slaps on top of her plate.
Rio looks at Agatha, raises an eyebrow, and licks the jam from her knife. "Has it been six months already?"
Agatha smiles, slowly, her pupils expanding. Her smile gets bigger and more devilish. She leans in, until she's close enough for her breath to caress Rio's ear.
"My love, I want a divorce."