Chapter Text
Shauna Shipman is late for daycare drop-off — yeah, yeah, what else is new, right? — with her hair still dripping and her shoes still untied. She’d made a promise to herself, you see, when she and Jeff split. Shauna was going to pick up any and all slack to prove to herself that she was capable of being a single mother. A goddamn standout mother, the kind who made homemade cakes for birthdays and got her children to school on time. That fantasy hasn’t been going so well as of late.
She woke up this morning to a phone call. Her fuzzy eyesight barely registered the word "DAYCARE" on the tiny screen of her phone, and after a few seconds of feeling utterly disoriented, Shauna realized what that meant. She was late to drop-off. Again.
The receptionist’s voice came through annoyingly chipper, “Hi, Miss Shipman! We were expecting Callie this morning. Was there a change of plans, or should we expect her later?”
Shauna’s heart rate spiked. “Oh! No, we’re on our way. Sorry about that.” She hung up before any further questions could come her way.
After a rushed shower, Shauna grabbed Johnny and Callie, tossing them into the backseat of her minivan. The daycare workers, though, are angels on earth. Who else can manage so many young children at once? She doubts they will judge Callie’s disheveled state, but still, she can’t help feeling a little embarrassed. Callie may have gotten a couple more hours of sleep, but at what cost? Her hair is a mess, sticking up in every direction, and she’s got even more energy than usual, which is saying something.
Shauna grips Johnny’s hand with one arm, holding Callie in the other, as she enters the daycare. The one upside to arriving so late is that none of the other parents are around to see her in such a state. At least, that’s what she tells herself to make the situation seem a little less humiliating.
She passes the receptionist’s desk, nodding awkwardly in greeting, then continues down the hallway lined with brightly painted walls. Artwork, all done by the children, decorates the space. Rainbows, puppies, and stick-figure families in various colors. On a normal morning, Shauna might have taken her time walking by, maybe stopping to see if any of them were labeled as Callie’s. Today, however, she rushes past them, her mind already focused on reaching Callie’s classroom. Johnny, happy to be along for the ride, keeps pace, chattering about nothing in particular.
When they round the final corner and see Callie’s classroom door wide open, Shauna takes a breath. It’s nothing new, this feeling of stepping into chaos. A room full of screaming kids? Definitely. A mess of toys strewn across the floor? Probably. Ms. Anne, the daycare teacher, trying to break up a disagreement between two kids? Highly likely. Shauna knows what to expect. It’s a daycare, after all. They’re always consistent, even if Shauna is arriving much later than usual.
She peeks her head into the room, scanning it before deciding to step in. She looks for Anne, trying to locate the pink-haired teacher amidst the tangle of little bodies. Shauna wonders if Anne stepped out for a moment, explaining the absence. Usually, Anne stands out with her bright pink hair like a beacon in the middle of the room.
Shauna hums quietly to herself and begins to turn away, planning to leave and get on with the rest of the day. But then, something catches her eye. No, someone catches her eye. It’s not one of the kids or the brightly colored walls. It’s a flash of something familiar. A figure she couldn’t mistake if she tried.
Her heart skips, and for a moment, she stops dead in her tracks. It couldn’t be… could it? A flicker of hope mixed with dread tightens her chest. Against all rational thought, she turns back to the classroom, scanning again.
She’d seen Jackie before, or thought she had. In a parking lot. A crowded grocery store aisle. Once, just across the street, catching the tail end of a laugh that sounded too familiar. Every time, it had turned out to be a stranger. Her mind playing cruel tricks. But this time? This time felt different.
Shauna stares, her breath catching in her throat. Jackie? Here? She knows it’s impossible. They haven’t spoken in years. But the resemblance… It doesn’t hurt to check, right?
With a deep breath, she steps forward, her feet reluctant, her mind already questioning her own sanity. Slowly, she walks back toward the classroom entrance, her gaze never leaving the spot where she thought she saw that flash of a familiar face.
Just a glimpse. It had to be a trick of the light. But then, just as she’s about to turn away for good, Jackie looks up.
Time freezes for a heartbeat. Shauna’s pulse quickens.
There, among a posey of little girls and boys doing a craft in the far right corner of the classroom, sits Jackie. She's level with them, sitting criss crossed on the carpet, matching their high energy. It’s no wonder Shauna hadn’t recognized an adult in the room. Jackie’s hair is a bit darker now, pulled back into a bun.
Jackie.
Not a ghost. Not a daydream. Jackie. In the flesh.
Shauna is suddenly thirteen again. Then seventeen. Then twenty-three. A hundred tangled versions of herself slam together in one breathless instant. Every fight, every sleepover, every stupid inside joke they used to whisper across pillow forts. And then: the ending. The silence. The terrible thing they never talked about.
Jackie has noticed Shauna, too. She doesn’t look surprised either. Only curious, with a slight tilt to her head.
Shauna leans over to set Callie down on the floor of the classroom. Perhaps against her better judgement, she's choosing to trust that Jackie’s going to take care of her daughter as she would anyone else’s. She hesitates by the door, watching as Callie runs off to find her friends. Jackie doesn’t approach Shauna. She doesn’t speak to her either. She simply watches Callie for a few long seconds with a glint in her eye, before turning back to her task at hand.
Shauna takes the hint and walks away with Johnny, who’s none the wiser.
Tomorrow, Ms. Anne will be back. Jackie must have just been her substitute for the day, or she's in the process of becoming a daycare teacher. If Ms. Anne was leaving for good, she would have sent out a newsletter about it to the parents.
Shauna’s sure of it.
-
“Okay, read it back to me.” Jackie says to Shauna. They’re sitting on Jackie’s bed, frankly over planning something that didn’t need to be planned at all, in Shauna’s opinion.
“Okay,” Shauna replies. “So I’ll go, ‘You’re Jeff, right?’ And then he’ll nod or whatever, and then I’ll say, Your friend Randy told me that you asked him to ask me to ask Jackie if she likes you.’” She smiles, proud of herself for remembering the script. She can envision the interaction in her head at this point.
Jackie nods. “Just don’t say that I told you to ask him.” She says this sternly, as if Shauna could have forgotten. “I don’t want him to think that I’ve been, like, pining over him or whatever.”
“What if he says yes?”
“Then just be like, ‘Okay. Cool.’ Definitely don’t act like you know I like him back.”
That gives Shauna pause for some reason. “Wait. Do you, like, like like him?” She asks quietly, almost scared to voice something like that. Obviously she knew Jackie was a normal girl, who had crushes like normal girls did. That was the natural next step. Of course, Shauna was going to support her best friend in any way she could. If she needs to go along with a ridiculous plan, she will. “Oh, my god. Jackie, why didn’t you tell me?”
They laugh. It’s so easy, the way they mesh together. It’s not complicated… not like Jeff is.
-
Shauna tries to spend the day with all the things Johnny loves most. He’s their golden child. The first child, who convinces you it’s a good idea to have a second. If he wants to have an ice cream sundae for lunch every once in a while, so be it.
He came into the world with a full head of blond hair, surprising both Shauna and Jeff. She had expected to constantly be reminded of Jeff every time she looked at her son, but that wasn’t the case. Johnny was so different. So good. So clever. Sometimes she didn’t know where he got it from, given that Shauna could only do so much with flashcards and children’s books. Now he’s about to go into kindergarten come fall. She’ll miss the company, of course, and his silly jokes that never fail to keep her entertained.
It wasn’t so easy to see the good in her unruly situation at seventeen. The circumstances of her pregnancy could have been better, Shauna knows that. She and Jeff both made mistakes that couldn’t be reversed no matter how hard they tried. However, Johnny brought light into a dark situation. There isn’t a day that goes by where Shauna regrets him. The same goes for his dad.
Jackie just happened to be at the center of it all.
She always was, wasn’t she? Jackie was the sun, and everyone else revolved around her, Shauna included. She had this kind of presence that no one else did, even at a young age. No one could really hate Jackie if they knew her. She made people feel seen. It was like she was happy just to be talking to you, and that’s something that will make you feel special for the rest of your life.
Shauna was her best friend, somehow. Years later, she still doesn’t understand why.
They meshed well, sure. All friends do, so why were they any different? It wasn’t like they held each other's secrets, that much was obvious at the very end, when it all came crumbling down. Shauna never really knew Jackie. Jackie never really knew Shauna, as much as she’d like to think she did. So what was it?
Eventually, Shauna doesn’t have any more time to waste away playing with Johnny. She has to pick up Callie from daycare, whether she wants to or not. And this time she won’t be the last parent there. She’ll arrive right on time so as to not draw attention to herself once again. Hopefully Jackie is gone by now, and she’ll have the chance to ask Ms. Anne about the whole situation. It will all make sense soon.
Shauna repeats her actions of the morning, grabbing her keys and loading her son into the car. This time around, she takes the time to brush her hair smooth and run a lipgloss wand across her lips. She’s not going to be a total mess this time. She needs to stick to her promise to herself — to be that standout mom her kids deserve.
They pull up to the daycare right at 6 o’clock, just in time to blend in with the rush of parents all picking their children up after work. Deciding it’s safe enough, and knowing she can’t waste too much time sitting in her car, she walks inside. Johnny’s starting to complain of boredom, asking Shauna to get whatever food that pops into his mind after they pick Callie up. She ignores his begging, reminding him that they have dinner prepared at home. She mentally berates herself, finding that now more than ever she reminds herself of her own parents.
Shauna and Johnny wait outside the classroom, slowly stepping up as the parents before them leave with their respective kids. None of them seem to act any differently. None are pausing any longer than normal to talk to the new teacher. None seem to care. Maybe… Ms. Anne has returned like Shauna had hoped.
Without warning, they hear a friendly voice remark, “Nice to meet you, too, Mrs. Gibson.” And all at once everything hits Shauna.
That voice can’t be mistaken. A face… maybe. Some people look alike. Not that voice. Not Jackie’s voice.
And Mrs. Gibson is walking away now, her daughter in her arms. Shauna is suddenly at the front of the line with no one to hide behind.
Jackie’s standing there, of course, her face giving absolutely nothing away. She seems to have known Shauna was going to be there. Or she has somehow forgotten. Either way, Shauna is the one caught in the storm, while Jackie stands dry with an umbrella in hand.
Jackie ignores Shauna in order to find Callie in the classroom. Shauna can make out a faint: “Callie, your mother’s here,” from Jackie.
Shauna can’t help but stare at the other woman.
Jackie helps Callie find her things, just as Ms. Anne used to. Just as any daycare worker would, really. Shauna stands dumbfounded, with Johnny looking up at her in confusion. She doesn’t understand why there’s no introduction, or even awkward small talk. As shown by the small encounter with Mrs. Gibson, Jackie had seemed eager to get to know the parents. Well, Shauna’s just as much a mother as Mrs. Gibson.
Callie doesn’t seem to notice. She walks out the door, bickering with Johnny almost immediately. Jackie ignores Shauna as she gets the rest of the children ready to leave, despite the fact that there’s no parents behind her at the moment. Shauna feels as if she’s completely invisible.
She understands though.
-
On Friday, Johnny heads off to spend the day with his dad, which means Shauna is on her own for drop-off duties. She’s used to this routine, though it’s never particularly easy. Callie, her always-energetic little one, will no longer have Johnny around to distract her. This only makes the task of managing her more challenging. And yet, Shauna is resolute. She can handle it.
With Johnny gone, Shauna has no choice but to make herself busy by dealing with more chores than usual. She plans to cook the meals she usually doesn’t have the time or energy for, meals that will hopefully make the rest of the week easier. A home-cooked dinner, a little extra tidiness. But no matter how well-planned the day is, the hardest part is still ahead: seeing Jackie again. The new daycare teacher.
Shauna had hoped Ms. Anne would have at least given the parents a heads-up about the staffing change. It’s fine, Shauna tells herself. She can manage. If Jackie won’t even make eye contact with her, if there’s some unspoken tension brewing beneath the surface, then... it’s fine. Nothing bad can happen.
As they pull into the parking lot, Shauna can feel the weight of the situation pressing down on her. Her hands tighten around the steering wheel as she watches other parents and their kids spill out of their cars, heading toward the entrance. Everyone else seems so sure, so calm.
Before they get out of the car, Shauna clears her throat and looks down at Callie in the rearview mirror. There’s a small pause before she speaks. “Cal, can I ask you something before we go inside?”
Callie doesn’t look up from her window, but she nods, her voice a small, distracted murmur. “Uh-huh.”
Shauna shifts in her seat, trying to make herself sound casual, even though her chest feels tight. She forces a smile, one that feels more like a mask than a natural expression. “How do you like your new teacher?”
Callie shrugs, a vague disinterest in her voice. “She’s nice.”
Shauna’s heart skips a beat. Nice. It’s not exactly the affirmation she was looking for, but it will do. “Oh yeah? Nicer than Ms. Anne?”
Callie seems to grow impatient, her eyes flicking toward the other kids walking inside. “I guess.”
Shauna sighs softly, her smile fading a little. She had hoped for more. More details, more clarity. But maybe this was enough. She presses on. “Alright, well… I guess what I’m trying to ask is… does she treat you the same as the other kids?” What she doesn’t ask is; is she treating you unfairly? Does she ignore you, too?
There’s a slight pause. Callie finally meets her gaze in the mirror, tilting her head slightly as if considering the question for a moment too long. Her expression says it all, she’s getting tired of this. Tired of the talking, tired of the over-thinking. She just wants to get inside and join her friends. “Yes. Can we go inside now?”
Shauna looks into Callie’s eyes one last time before exhaling a breath. The little girl’s impatience is hard to ignore, but Shauna’s question lingers in her mind. They’re here. The day is already in motion.
But the uncertainty gnaws at her. It’s only a feeling, only a moment of doubt, but it’s there.
Will Shauna need to find another daycare if Jackie holds a grudge against her? Will that affect Callie? Shauna would be a bad mother if she knowingly kept Callie in a situation like that.
Shauna follows her daughter inside, trying to keep pace. The little girl clearly has no problem being in this space. Though would she even notice while surrounded by her friends and all the different distractions?
She feels a lot all at once. More than anything, Shauna just feels guilty.
Jackie was her best friend. Shauna built an entire life off of betraying her despite that. There’s no way Jackie just… got over it. She can move on but you can’t get over something like that. Shauna wouldn’t have. She's played it over a thousand times in her head, trying to put herself in Jackie’s shoes or whatever, finding each and every time that she’s mad on Jackie’s behalf.
Shauna knows very well that what she did then is the worst thing she's ever done. A part of her felt as though she was denying that Johnny was a gift if she felt remorse for betraying Jackie. It is still complicated. Now more than ever.
They make the oh-so familiar turn into Callie’s classroom, coming face to face with a swarm of children excitedly arriving for the day. It’s always so busy, always so loud. You kind of learn to tune it out eventually. Callie walks in with a confidence Shauna never possessed, finding her friends as she always does.
Shauna stands in the doorway, too uncertain to follow her in. She crosses her arms. Without Johnny here, she feels defenseless. She can’t hide behind him.
She finds Jackie across the room, a bin with some sort of activity in her hands. Drawing or painting, it seems. She's dressed casually, wearing a T-shirt tucked into ripped up jeans. Her hair is tucked behind her ears. Her eyes are sparking as she talks with the little kids. She… glows.
Suddenly someone bumps into Shauna from behind. She’s startled, for the most part, her view of Jackie thwarted. The dad apologizes, then slips past her to follow his daughter inside. Shauna curses under her breath.
She looks back up, expecting to see Jackie just as she was. She isn’t. Instead, Jackie’s facing Shauna, her eyes unmistakably locked onto her. Jackie seems to be just as shocked as Shauna is, as if this is the first time they’re seeing each other all over again. Heat rises to Shauna’s face rapidly.
She opens her mouth as if to say something, before realizing Jackie wouldn't be able to hear her from there.
“Mom?”
Shauna looks down. “What’s wrong, Cal?” She tries to conceal any emotion in her voice.
Callie looks at her strangely. “You can leave now,”
“Right, right. Okay.” Shauna takes a deep breath before smiling down at her daughter. “I’m going.”
“In just a minute.”
Shauna stares dumbly at Jackie. Jackie has approached her. She doesn’t know if she needs to prepare herself or if…
“I just want to talk to you. Unless— Unless you’re leaving already.” Jackie clasps her hands together. Her gaze is steady, as if this isn’t completely weird.
Shauna just nods. Callie has run off, leaving the two of them relatively alone for the first time since everything.
Jackie clears her throat. God this is awkward. “I just wanted to ask something,”
“Go on then.”
Her eyes flick about Shauna’s face as if she’s taking in her appearance all over again. “Will Jeff be at any drop offs or pick ups? I don’t want to run into another ghost from my past if I can help it.” She says bluntly.
Callie’s laughter from the play area reaches her, pulling her out of her thoughts. Shauna takes a breath, letting it out slowly, grounding herself in the reality of the moment. She shakes her head slowly, her voice calm but tight. “No, he shouldn’t be.”
“Parent’s night?”
“No.”
“Okay.” Jackie shrugs her shoulders.
Shauna hesitates, watching Jackie carefully. “Is that all or—”
Jackie interrupts her, “I just,” she looks down. She’s ashamed, Shauna realizes. She’s ashamed she's even asking. “I can transfer Callie to another teacher’s room. I think that would make things easier when it comes to communicating with parents.”
A part of Shauna had expected that. This isn’t going to work. Not rationally. But, nevertheless, she shakes her head. “I don’t think that’s necessary. I don’t have a problem—”
“Maybe I do.” Jackie says. Bluntly.
Shauna just swallows and nods. “That’s too bad, then.”
Jackie’s eyes flare with something—frustration, anger, or something else Shauna can’t quite place. “Oh, please.”
“What?”
“If you actually cared about being my friend you would’ve reached out years ago. I’m not falling for some stupid scheme to get me back in your good graces. I’m here for your daughter, not you. Let me make that clear.” Jackie’s visibly angry. The words feel like a punch to the gut, if Shauna’s honest. Jackie wanted her to reach out? She wanted to still be friends?
Jackie turns on her heel and meets her students in the play room to gather them up for the day.
-
The following Monday, Shauna comes prepared. After spending the weekend away from any Jackie-related incidents, she’s clear headed and ready to face the situation. She has spent time nagging Callie every time she was in a decent mood, and she found that Callie likes “Teacher Jackie”. Switching teachers again would only be unnecessarily confusing, and would isolate her from her friends that she's had all year. It would be unfair to switch, when Shauna could just suck it up and deal with her old friend.
“You’re back,” Jackie points out upon seeing Shauna walk into her classroom for the fifth time now, Callie in tow.
Shauna tries for a polite smile. “Seems like it,”
“Why?” Jackie presses.
Shauna waves as Callie runs off. “Cal likes you.”
Jackie stills, tentatively looking at Shauna’s face.
“I can see why, too. You’re fun. Ms. Anne was nice but she didn’t connect with them the way you do. I don’t know if you’re new to teaching or not…” Shauna says awkwardly, “But you’re doing a great job of it.” She nods encouragingly.
The other woman only rolls her eyes at the compliment. “I don’t care what you have to say. I’m glad Callie likes me, though. That’s good to hear. She’s a clever little girl, you know.”
She smiles genuinely. “Yeah, yeah. She really is. I don’t know where she gets that from.”
Jackie then looks at her oddly, tilting her head to the side. “She gets a lot from you.” Then she smirks. “I don’t know where she gets all that sass but that’s another story.”
“Probably Jeff,”
They both chuckle at that as if coming to an agreement. The humor, though, quickly dies out.
“Right,” Shauna says, “I’ll see you at pick up.”
Jackie nods curtly.
As soon as Shauna turns away she’s smiling all the way to her car.
-
“Callie made a bit of a mess today, as you can see,”
“Oh!”
Callie’s little blue shirt isn’t so blue anymore, as an array of paint has found its way across her chest, up her arm, and on her face as well. Shauna sighs. It’s not a huge problem. The shirt was getting a bit small on her and it’s relatively contained, mostly dry.
Jackie cringes. “None of the other kids managed this, I don’t know how it happened.”
“It’s fine—”
“No, it’s not. I’m sorry about this, Shauna. It wasn’t on purpose.”
Shauna startles. “I didn’t assume it was. Kids will be kids. It’s fine.”
Jackie nods. After a few seconds, she adds, “It’s washable paint.”
-
“Can I have a chat with you before you leave?”
Shauna hadn’t expected this. She thought they’d figured out how to do the whole awkward small-talk thing by now. Civil, clean, surface-level. Exactly how two people with messy history are supposed to interact when they’re both pretending they’re fine.
What could have possibly prompted an actual chat ? Was it something Callie did? Was it about Shauna herself? Is Callie falling behind? Or was Jackie about to say she’s changed her mind about allowing Callie in her class?
“Alright.” Shauna forces a smile, feeling her cheeks twitch with the effort. Whatever this is, she’ll figure it out. That’s what she does, she figures things out, even when it’s uncomfortable, even when it hurts.
They step into the hallway, the heavy classroom door clicking shut behind them. The cheerful noise of children playing dulls into muffled background noise, distant and hollow. Jackie stands there for a moment, arms loosely folded, like she’s still arranging her words in her head. Shauna leans back against the brick wall, the chill soaking through the thin fabric of her shirt and cooling the back of her neck.
She waits. If Jackie decides Callie needs to switch classes, Shauna will take the hit gracefully. This is Jackie's domain, after all, her classroom, her authority.
“Look,” Jackie mutters finally, fingers twisting a loose strand of her hair the way she used to do in tenth grade whenever she was lying about doing her homework. “I wanted to say sorry.”
Shauna blinks, caught completely off guard. “Excuse me?”
“For how I treated you the first few times I saw you.” Jackie keeps her eyes on the floor. “I was just… bitter.”
Shauna exhales slowly, feeling a thousand memories prick the back of her mind—Jackie laughing by the lockers, Jackie helping Shauna make fashion choices, Jackie’s voice telling Shauna that she like liked Jeff. There are a hundred things Shauna could say right now. A hundred ways she could play it. She wouldn’t have blamed Jackie for slapping her across the face that first day in the drop-off lane. Being cold and curt? That was practically generous.
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Shauna decides on saying at last, her voice softer than she expected.
Jackie’s mouth curls slightly, not quite a smile, more like the ghost of one. “I know. But I’m not really mad about you not reaching out, you know? I would’ve been shocked if you had. I probably wouldn’t have answered if you did.” She lets out a tiny laugh, quick and breathless. “But it’s been years now and I’m not as angry as I once was.”
The words land heavier than Shauna expects. Years of silence between them suddenly feel real, not like some suspended high school feud but an actual absence, a missing chapter.
She doesn’t know what to do with this information. Jackie’s forgiveness, if that’s what this is, feels almost worse than her anger.
“You don’t have to say anything,” Jackie adds quickly, her eyes darting up for the briefest moment before dropping again. “I just want you to know I appreciate how patient you’ve been with me… considering how awful I was.”
Shauna bites her lip, surprised by how tight her throat feels. She wants to say you weren’t awful —that Shauna was the one who deserved every cold shoulder and cutting remark. She wants to say I think about it more than you know . She wants to say I’m sorry too , but the words don’t come.
Instead, what slips out is quieter, almost reflexive: “I never wanted to hurt you, Jackie.”
Jackie studies her for a moment, as though deciding whether to believe her. For a second, Shauna swears she sees the old Jackie—bright, sharp, painfully honest—flash across her face. Then it’s gone, replaced by something more careful.
“I know,” Jackie says simply. She hesitates, glancing toward the classroom door, then back to Shauna. “Listen… would you maybe want to grab coffee sometime?”
Shauna blinks. “Coffee?”
“Yeah. Not to rehash high school or anything.” Jackie’s lips twitch into the faintest smile. “Just… to talk. You know. Like adults.”
For a moment, Shauna can only stare at her. The cool brick against her back suddenly feels too solid, too real, as if the hallway itself is holding her in place. Coffee with Jackie. Jackie, who used to be her best friend, who became her biggest stressor, who is now standing here with an olive branch in hand.
“Sure,” Shauna hears herself say before she’s even thought it through. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
Jackie nods, almost relieved. “Great. I’ll call you?” Then her eyes widen. "I mean... I got your new number in the parents' phonebook."
“It's okay.” Shauna forces a small, steady smile. “Call me.”
The door swings open, and the sound of children floods the hallway again. Jackie slips back inside, already wearing her teacher’s expression again, while Shauna stands there for a beat longer, heart thudding, wondering what exactly she’s just agreed to.