Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

On a random Thursday evening, Seonghwa realises she might just be going insane.

The thing is, she doesn’t even mind Hongjoong hanging around the rink before and after her trainings, nor does she mind Hongjoong staying there to teach the little kids. So what? It’s a public space and Hongjoong is a great teacher and she’s good with the kids, she’s already seen the improvements in their jumps.

But here Seonghwa is anyway, going insane about the fact that Hongjoong is literally everywhere she looks and everyone talks about her, and, really, it’s not jealousy. She knows it’s not, because it’s always been like that anyway, right? It was always Park Seonghwa and Kim Hongjoong, back and forth, a varying order every time, but always neck to neck. Ten years competing one against the other for those medals. Basically unbeaten, if not by the hand of the other. So, that’s fine, really. It’s not jealousy.

It’s just that Hongjoong stares.

She stares and Seonghwa forgets how she’s supposed to land the triple Axel. She stares and Seonghwa forgets how many twirls she has in her sequence before the sitting spin. She stares and Seonghwa slips while trying to move in a straight-ish line forward. These are novice mistakes, definitely not “Olympic champion and second place at the world championship” mistakes.

It wasn’t like this before. It really wasn’t. Sure, they’d look at the other during matches and, sure, they’ve had a complex relationship for most of their life… but this? Everything that is happening is new. Seonghwa was doing fine without ever really doing much more than looking at her performances and admiring.

Then Hongjoong’s old rink closed down, she signed a contract with Seonghwa's rink, and now she’s just there all the time. She stares and Seonghwa goes insane.

Hongjoong is there as well when Seonghwa gets to the rink for late evening practice. She’s standing by the entrance of the rink itself, clapping her hands to signal when the three little girls should jump each jump. Clap Salchov, clap Toe-loop, clap Toe-loop, clap Euler, clap Flip. It’s a great way to teach the timing and she plays it off so easily. She’s just there, clapping, cheering the girls when they finish the sequence and… wow, alright? You don’t have to love her to see that Hongjoong is still very hot and powerful, and Seonghwa is a weak lesbian who admires pretty people. And Seonghwa’s also a great skater and Seonghwa is weak weak.

“Alright girls, take five. Great jumps, but still to be polished before the competition. We’ll start with Siyoon’s routine after the break!” Hongjoong exclaims while the girls skate their way.

It was obvious the three young athletes would have followed her to this rink once theirs closed, after all. They’d been skating with her since their very first thrusts on the skates, Hongjoong had helped creating their routines for the next championship season, she knew them like a big sister would. And follow her they did, so train them she does.

It’s admirable. Seonghwa can see how much Hongjoong loves them, how much Hongjoong loves coaching them, how much she loves teaching. One wouldn’t think she’s just doing it because she needs more money for the travels from her place to the gym, no. She was made for teaching, just as she was made for gliding on the ice and jumping and spinning, just as she was made for dancing. It’s almost irritating.

Hongjoong looks up, notices her, waves her hand at her politely, but ignores her for the rest. Just like it always is with them, after all.

“If you take a picture, it lasts longer, you know,” Yunho comments, appearing behind her as if she’d already been there a while. Her friends keep teasing her about this rivalry. As if they don’t know, can’t feel the shift.

Seonghwa fakes a laugh, finally unfreezing enough to tie up her skates. “Very funny,” she says. “Are you training with me today?”

“Yup, Mingi is out with a fever,” she replies with a smile.

“Ow, I’m sorry.”

“It’s whatever, at least I won’t be thrown in the air. There’s still enough time before the competition, anyway.”

Seonghwa sprints up, looks for her gloves in the bag as she speaks, “I seriously don’t get how you do it.”

“What? Be calm? It comes with not having anxiety, boo,” she laughs.

“Well, that. And pairs. I could never.”

“It feels like flying,” Yunho replies with a dreamy tone.

“Um, sorry if I can’t see it like that, but… you’re literally being thrown in the air while going incredibly fast with blades under your feet. That shit’s dangerous!”

“And what you do isn’t?”

Seonghwa rolls her eyes, “It’s all me at least.”

“I guess,” she shrugs, “But for what it’s worth, I could also never do what you do.”

“That’s because you’re tasteless, that's why,” she winks, teasingly. It's a common event, almost a ritual by now: they are paired to train, they judge the other's style. It's their love language.

Seonghwa gets up to warm up and stretch, finally, leaving Yunho to her drink, Hongjoong to her coaching session. She has little left than half an hour before her time in the rink starts, and she'd better use it as wisely as possible.

Hongjoongs frees the rink with one minute to spare on the clock, winking in Yunho's direction as she shoos the girls off to cool down. It's irritating how cute she looks as the girls say their goodbyes.

"I'm taking five, before starting," she says, stopping right by Yunho. Seonghwa turns abruptly.

"It's alright, take all the break you need!" Yunho replies with a smile. Did she know? Was Seonghwa the only one they had not warned about this?

“Is she training with us?”

Yunho chuckles, starting some warm-up rounds. “Yeah, why are you surprised? Did you forget to check the calendar?”

Yes. “I—”

“See, I knew there was something off about you not complaining on our group chat!”

“You talk as if I always compl—”

“Babe, you do. You always have, it’s alright. We love you anyway, don’t worry!”

Seonghwa rolls her eyes. She doesn’t always complain about Hongjoong. “Well, I wasn’t going to complain this time around. I don’t mind her training with us.”

Yunho flips around to look at her with a raised eyebrow, “Sure, yeah,” she comments sarcastically, “Now say that without pouting.” She winks, speeding up in front of her.

The training goes as well as Seonghwa would have predicted, her attention shifting way too often from her form to Hongjoong’s ability.

Really, what she has always hated the most is the way Hongjoong makes everything seem effortless. How come it is so easy for her? Adapting to a new rink, commuting to a new place, balancing work and the insane training hours they have? They don’t even know yet if they make the nationals this year, yet Hongjoong keeps acting as if they’re part of the team, representing South Korea again. It’s irritating how good she is, how sure she is of being this good.

Does she also fear every day that she’ll fail? Let down every single one of their fans just because they haven’t trained enough, have the journalists write that—

“Seonghwa! Try actually training, hm? Don’t just skate!” Coach Choi shouts at her, interrupting her overthinking. He’s right, anyway, she shouldn’t waste an almost empty rink overthinking everything.

She has to be focused, if she wants to keep that spot on the team. If she doesn’t want to let her fans down. She prepares for a jump, but she can feel Hongjoong’s eyes on her. She takes off the Axel starting on the wrong edge.

⋆⁺₊❅。₊˚｡ ❆⛸❆⋆⁺₊˚。❅⁺₊⋆

There are many things that Hongjoong has had a hard time getting used to in last months, since she’s moved rinks at the beginning of the summer. Seonghwa aside, the rink is bigger, much more slippery, there are way too many keys that she’s been given to access the place, the orange water has a worse flavour than theirs had, the water pressure in the showers is harder to get perfect, the coffee is more expensive, the brand deals are more demanding… these are merely annoyances. Them, Hongjoong can get used to.

However, open rinks? They’re the worst.

She groans as she steers to avoid crashing into a red-head kid with way too many clothes on to be comfortable skating. It feels like a wasted training. Sure, she’s skating, at least. But she can’t try the program, nor can she try any of the various elements that really require speed. She can barely do spins, today, because the rink is just too crowded for her.

Seonghwa doesn’t seem to mind it too much, however, probably more used to having to share the rink with so many people. She’s doing a sit spin as if no one’s around her, as if they’re not even looking at her. Doesn’t she feel them staring at her? Doesn’t she feel the pressure that at least a third of them is only there to look at how their champions train?

Hongjoong decides to attempt something again, perhaps some moves in the field or some simple step sequence. It takes her three tries before she can properly start something. First, it was a girl almost falling in front of her, then there were too many people skating by her side, then she got distracted looking at Seonghwa asking someone for her water bottle. Finally, she manages to start her little sequence. She’d barely done a couple of twizzles, some little hops, that she’s forced to stop to avoid colliding with a group of teens skating in a pack.

She groans, giving up entirely. There’s no point in skating in these conditions, not today.

“Today’s crazy,” Yeosang comments as a greeting. He sits on the bench next to her, unceremoniously drops off his skating bag on the ground. “I have no idea how she’s doing it,” he adds, using his chin to point at Seonghwa.

“I hate Open rinks,” Hongjoong groans, drying her blades with hasty movements.

“Mingi says that it gets even worse when we get closer to the championships.”

Hongjoong deflates, turning to look at him, “As in, more people?”

Yeosang grins, “I think he means it gets more frustrating.”

“This is hell. Why did we choose to move to this rink?”

“Their contract was objectively the best deal, my dear,” he replies with resignation.

“I knew it was a trap!” but still, Hongjoong smiles as she says it.

She’s glad the Rink chose Yeosang as well, once theirs close down. She was ready to fight with her teeth and claws for them to give him a contract proposal as well, but it ended up not being needed. They wanted them both, they had seen the great potential. They knew it, they’d witnessed it first hand during the previous Grand Prix, both of them placing above their own athletes.

Still, she’s just really glad her best friend had moved rinks with her. They had been training together since basically forever, it would have been weird not to. So here they were, complaining about the open rink, side by side, exchanging their usual pleasantries.

“At least I managed a couple of rounds before it got crowded,” Hongjoong says, eyeing another family entering the ice on the other side of the rink, tentative steps on way too dull blades.

“See, I managed a couple of hours of sleep more instead and now I pay the price of my own doings,” Yeosang replies, standing up with his skates on.

“That’s the difference between us — sleep never came easy to me,” Hongjoong jokes, “Skating, however…”

“You are… really something else. Why are you my bestie, again?” He teases.

“Because without me you’d still be struggling to close the Flip, that’s why,” she replies with a smirk, putting away her skates in her bag. “I’ll be in the gym at this point, if you need—”

She leaves her sentence hanging in the air, as the rink is filled with a loud bang and the cries of a child. She can’t help but look, alarmed. After all, she does work with children, and she can’t help it if it worries her whenever they cry. It’s instinctual.

However, the only thing she sees, once she looks at the ice, is Seonghwa sitting by the kid. She’s checking the kid for scrapes, slightly patting his tiny head and back. The boy is sitting up fine and Hongjoong releases a breath she had not realised she was keeping.

“Are they alright?” Yeosang asks, worried. The mum of the boy is shouting from the sidelines, moving her arms all around her to signal to the boy where she is. Seonghwa sees her, judging by the nod she gives the boy. She's smiling still, apparently, and Hongjoong can feel her worries soothe a little.

“I think so,” she replies. She holds her bag a bit more tightly, looks at the kid stand up using Seonghwa's shoulders for support, he even giggles a little as he skates away to his mum.

“I'll go check on her,” Yeosang comments sliding into the rink. “She's clutching her body in a way I don't like.”

Hongjoong nods in reply, stares at Yeosang’s back as he skates away. Seonghwa was focusing on spins and moves in the fields on the ice today. If she's fallen after some moves in the field, unless it's a spread eagle or variants of it, it can't have been too bad of a fall, right? But what if it was from a spin? Well, those aren't too dangerous either, if you know how to fall. And skaters fall all the time, they're used to falling, most falls stop hurting at some point.

Yeosang and Seonghwa are assessing the damage, apparently, while Hongjoong’s brain conjures up every way Seonghwa could have been badly hurt. At least some of them are doing something useful for their colleague.

Hongjoong doesn't get it, really, why she acts so weird about Seonghwa. She just can't help it. She's been an unreachable rival most of her life, she's been a reason to push through, she's been the reason to work harder. Now she's just supposed to… what? Befriend her? She was supposed to stay unreachable. She was never supposed to become so concrete. An abstract entity that only existed during championships and grand prix, who could never do anything wrong, who'd only have minor slip-ups during long programs.

Yet now she's just… Seonghwa. Elegant even when not trying too hard. Strong and good and angelic. But also incredibly hostile and what can Hongjoong do about it? It's clear that Seonghwa cannot stand her. She's tried. But apparently Seonghwa doesn't want her to be anything but a rival and Hongjoong's not crazy enough to counter the star of Korean ice skating.

Unfortunately, this means that Hongjoong's the most awkward around her. And she hates it.

“JJoong?” Yeosang voice calls her, way closer to her than she'd have imagined. “Were you listening?”

Hongjoong grins apologetically, “Not really, sorry.”

“Can you make sure she actually gets to Jongho this time around?” Yeosang repeats with a soft smile and a nod at Seonghwa, who at some point had gone to sit right where Hongjoong had, undoing her skates with annoyed movements.

Hongjoong barely had time to mutter a ‘sure’, that “I don't need to be babysat,” Seonghwa weakly snaps, her hands fighting with the laces of the skates.

“It’s not babysitting. It's moral support,” Yeosang corrects her. “Well, I'm going to do some laps before I cool off and have to warm up again… San scares me,” He adds, clapping his gloved hands once. He even makes a terrorised face when talking about San. That makes Seonghwa smile, at least.

“Watch out from the little creatures. They're evil,” she says with a wink, putting away her skates.

“Bye, baby! Call me for dinner!” Hongjoong waves her hand goodbye.

It's silent as Seonghwa finishes putting away her equipment, takes another sip of water, checks her latest messages. It's not pleasant, but at least it's calm. Hongjoong will take it ten times over the angry silence treatments she'd gotten at times, not only from Seonghwa.

“You don't have to come, really. I know where Jong’s office is,” Seonghwa says. It's not hostile. It's not anything, actually, if not a statement.

“It's alright,” Hongjoong replies with a smile, “I can keep you company if you want.”

Seonghwa shrugs, finally stands up. Her weight distribution is off, too much on her right leg, and that's unusual. She winces as she steps forward.

“Do you need help?” Hongjoong asks. Seonghwa doesn't really reply, but the glare she sends is enough for Hongjoong's hand to abort the movement to her shoulder. “Can I carry the bag so I feel useful at least?” She tries again.

Seonghwa rolls her eyes, “I'm not that hurt, really. Jongho won't say anything else but to put some ice on, rest it for today and that's it. It's just the impact. The usual.”

Hongjoong's not sure who Seonghwa's trying to convince more. Still, she nods back. “The usual,” she repeats with a smile.

“Exactly.”

⋆⁺₊❅。₊˚｡ ❆⛸❆⋆⁺₊˚。❅⁺₊⋆

Turns out she was wrong. Jongho, her beloved doctor Choi, did not tell her to rest it for today. He had the audacity to ask for a full week of rest. Madman. Not when they have the Asian Opens in little more than eight weeks.

“Off the ice for a full week?” Seonghwa squeaks.

“Rest for a full week, yes,” Jongho repeats, still trying to get Seonghwa to take the prescription.

“That's crazy. It's just a fall, Jong! You never had me take a full week off, c’mon!”

Jongho doesn't even react too much to Seonghwa's whining. He just pushes her gently to the left, just enough that Seonghwa's forced to shift her weight to the other leg. She tries not to whine or wince or— anything. But the pain jolts her enough that she can't help it. “See, Hwa, you've never even reacted like this before either. So…”

“But—”

“Oh sorry, I missed the moment you also studied sport medicine and orthopaedic care!” Jongho cuts her off, an annoying smile plastered on her face. “What did you say? You haven't? My bad.” The tone with which he says it makes it clear enough that the conversation is over.

Still, Seonghwa tries again. “But what if by… Wednesday I'm fixed?”

Jongho rolls his eyes. “If by Wednesday you have no pain at all, zero, not even by mistake… you come by and I reassess you. Deal?”

Seonghwa smiles cheeky, “Deal!”

“You are incredible,” Jongho comments teasingly, accompanying her to the door.

“And yet, I'm your favourite.”

“Who told you such lies? Everyone knows it's Mingi,” Jongho says, smiling.

“Just because he pays for your soju.”

“Maybe…” Jongho mimics to keep quiet and winks, before bowing goodbye to her and closing his office door.

Seonghwa sighs. She can stay off the ice for a couple of days. She can do it. She can focus on the dance part, on her gym form that's been lacking lately. She can— oh?

“What did he say?” Hongjoong asks as she sees her. What was she doing still there?

Seonghwa shrugs. “I just have to rest, as I said.”

“That's it?”

“And apply the gel on it. The usual, really. He's taken me off the ice until Wednesday though.”

“That's not too bad!”

Seonghwa can't help but roll her eyes at that. Of course that's not too bad for her, that's Hongjoong. Hongjoong who's so good, she could do each program with her eyes closed and still get full score. She changed trainer halfway through a competition season and still won at least half of the tournaments. But that's Hongjoong and she can. Seonghwa can't.

“I'm serious! A girl I used to train with fell from a Camel spin and had to stay off the ice for a month!” Hongjoong repeats.

And really, Seonghwa knows she's gotten lucky. If anything, even just because she could have hit the kid or another skater. “I know how to fall,” she says instead, probably too coldly.

Hongjoong's smile falters and Seonghwa can't help the punch of guilt that hits her at that. “Well, if you don't need any help then… I'll go. I still need to get groceries,” Hongjoong mumbles.

“Yeah, it's alright. Hm… thank you? I guess. For waiting, I mean. Not that I— or you, really. Just, I don't know. Hm. Thank you, yeah.” She groans mentally at her own awkwardness.

Hongjoong smiles with a nod. “No problem. I— how are you going home? Wait.”

Fuck. “I came on foot, actually.”

“Do you want a lift home? I've got a car. Like, my car.”

“No, it's alright. Thank you. I think I can do it.”

“Are you sure? It's not a problem for me, really.” Hongjoong insists. Why does she insist? They're not friends, so why does she care?

“You live on the other side of the city if I'm not wrong. I can't— and the groceries—” Seonghwa tries. She hates how awkward she feels.

“There must be a shop near you, right? I'll do it there. Or I'll just drop you home, really. It won't take me too much. If you tell me the address, I'll check the traffic.” Hongjoong picks up her phone and starts walking towards the exit, barely looking at her. If anyone asks, she'll say she didn't have a choice. If they don't, however, Seonghwa knew she had just folded at how cute she looked with her furrowed brows zooming on the map.

Still, Seonghwa is glad when she sits in the car by her side and her knee and leg don't feel the pressure of gravity anymore. The car-ride is quiet and it's alright, they're listening to the radio in silence, some idol or another talking about how they write their songs. She finds herself think that Hongjoong could have been an idol, because she'd fit right in. She doesn't dare say it out loud anyway.

“Which one?” Hongjoong asks when she gets to her street. It was a smooth car ride. She even liked it, in the end.

“The third on the left,” Seonghwa replies.

Hongjoong nods. “Is this a nice area to live in?”

She's not sure. Really, she spends most time at the rink or the gym, if she's home she's either showering or sleeping. “I can't complain. Why?”

"It's closer to the rink. I might have to move one day."

Hongjoong nods again. She hates that it feels awkward again. Hongjoong enters the driveway of her flat complex and turns the car off. “We're here.”

“Thank you, Hongjoong,” Seonghwa says, exciting the car. “I'll see you at the rink. Drive safely.”

“Thank you. See you on Wednesday.”

Right. Resting the leg. She groans once she's sure Hongjoong can't see her, limps a bit more as she walks into her building and calls for the lift. She gets her phone out as she waits.

Jongho has sent her a text with the prescription again and he added a note as well. It says: “You know I love you, right? If I see you before Wednesday I'll kill you though.”

She chuckles, sending back a heart and a laughing emoji. She can't wait to get some pain killers.

⋆⁺₊❅。₊˚｡ ❆⛸❆⋆⁺₊˚。❅⁺₊⋆

Hongjoong hates being the last one to go to the rink to train. She huffs as she reaches the changing rooms, unceremoniously dropping her bag on a bench.

She rarely trains so late in the evening, but she's had a crazy day.

First a shooting for the brand deal, all the way to the city centre as if it's not jammed on a Monday morning. At least she got a nice breakfast out of it. Then she's had to pick up her new couch table at the shop because she'd put it off for the last week and the owner was starting to send angry texts. Then go home, have lunch, run to the rink to coach the girls for their two-hour session. Physio. Back to the rink.

It feels as if she's not stopped once since she's opened her eyes, yet here she is. The soft chill of the ice next door humming her name like a lullaby.

They'll never make her hate it.

She gets into her training shorts, new and branded but at least comfy enough to not torture her, and she walks towards the gym. San must have gone home by now, she thinks, after all it's almost time for dinner.

It's eerie, how empty the rink is. It's always echoing, much more than her previous rink would — more space means more void echoing the walls. She knows that if the rink is open, then there must be someone somewhere. Even just the cleaning crew or the ice-machine-thingy guy. But still, if they were to tell her that she was the only one left, she'd believe it.

Or she would have, had Seonghwa not been sitting by the pull-up machine at the gym.

“What are you doing here?” Hongjoong deadpans, stopping halfway through the room.

Seonghwa is startled, her grip slipping for a brief moment, “Training.”

No shit, Sherlock, Hongjoong thinks. “Aren't you supposed to rest?”

Seonghwa slowly lets herself off the machine, wary of the way she stands. “I rested. And I'm off the ice, so I'm following doctors orders.”

“Are you?” Hongjoong lifts an eyebrow in lieu of a challenge. “Because I think Jongho meant to say no training at all.”

“Are you a doctor now?’ She rolls her eyes.

“No, but— you're clearly hurt.”

“Pain killers running off…” she comments under her breath, “There’s the trophy in two months, I can't afford to—”

“You can't afford to get hurt,” Hongjoong cuts her off harshly.

“—to not do anything.”

“So you'd prefer training on an injury rather than resting a couple of days?” She didn't mean to sound so mean. It just slipped.

Seonghwa scoffs, “Wouldn't you like that, hm?”

“Excuse me?”

Seonghwa rolls her eyes, huffs, looks at something very different from Hongjoong. “I can't afford days off when I can't even get a Camel right. My jumps are losing their power. I'm not you, things don't just come naturally to me.”

“They don't— what?”

“Whatever.”

“Seonghwa, literally, what the fuck?” She lets out an incredulous laugh inadvertently, “You're South Korea’s best skater, what are you even talking about?”

“I said whatever.” She goes to walk away, but Hongjoong blocks her by the arm.

“Some days off won't change how good you are. On the contrary. Didn't you fall on your leg in May already? I doubt you really rested it back then either.” Seonghwa sustains her eyes with challenge, but doesn't say anything. “You don't win a prize for training on an injury.”

“I can't afford to—”

“Bullshit,” she cuts her short.

Seonghwa sighs, looking away. She doesn't say anything for a moment. Hongjoong doesn't either, stuck in the limbo of their next false step. Seonghwa sips her water, studies her for a moment, flips her grey towel over her shoulder. “You look exhausted, by the way," she says, much calmer than before.

“It was a long day,” Hongjoong replies with a small shrug.

“Then rest,” Seonghwa pans back.

“I haven't trained at all today. I'd rather—”

Seonghwa scoffs, “I think an Olympic champion can take a day off. You haven’t skipped a day since you've come here. If you’re not training, you’re training the girls. So don’t lecture me about rest.”

"I—"

"Have you coached the girls today?" She challenges.

Hongjoong sighs, “Yeah,” she nods, “But it's not the same.”

“If you really believe some days off for me won't change much, you should believe that for yourself as well. Or you're just an hypocrite.”

It echoes in the gym for a beat. Then for another. Then another more.

Hongjoong would like to say something. For example, how she can’t take a day off because she has to keep a high level now that she’s changed rink so they won’t think she is a bad investment. Or that she can’t take a day off because if she can’t keep up with Seonghwa, it’s a bad image for the rink and she can’t have that, now can she? But she is tired, Seonghwa is right. And she doesn't want to seem like an hypocrite. An injury and some tiredness are two different things, of course, but also what should she do?

“Alright. Alright, okay. I also won't train,” Hongjoong concedes. Seonghwa smiles tinily, wipes it off with her hand, doesn't comment anything. “Did you come by car?”

“Uh, yes.”

“Can you drive back?”

“Uh…” Seonghwa takes some tentative steps, her face contorting in an expression of, at least, discomfort. “Probably not.”

Hongjoong barely feels herself smiling softly, “I can drive you back, if you want. You'll get your car back another time.”

“If you don't mind…”

Hongjoong shakes her head softly, “No, it's alright.”

“Then, please.”

The car ride is not as nice as it had been the previous day. There's something in the air, Hongjoong can't pinpoint what, really, but there is. It could be the almost fight, or the exhaustion echoing through the car. She doesn't know what but it feels as if they're both currently walking on egg shells, waiting for the pin to drop. As if something had been left unsaid. What, Hongjoong doesn't know either. Why, even less.

"Do you— um. Can I— you— wait," Seonghwa mutters suddenly, when they're almost to her place.

"Waiting," Hongjoong replies with a small nod, smiling at the awkwardness of Seonghwa.

Seonghwa sighs, "It's dinner time. Way past, actually. Have you eaten yet?"

"Not yet." And as if to confirm it, like a dog hearing the word 'food', her stomach grumbles.

Seonghwa chuckles, "Can I offer you something, then? I might not have much left, but mum sent me a care package last week… and we can share."

Why is she being so nice all of a sudden? Was she always this nice and Hongjoong had been caught up in her own insecurities and the main hostile person had been her all along? Did she royally fuck up all this time without noticing?

"It's— alright, you don't have to say yes," Seonghwa adds, quickly. And, oh my God, had she always looked this small even though she's so tall?

"No, I— gladly, actually? I don't like cooking, Yeosang's already eaten for sure… If you don't mind sharing with me, I gladly accept."

"Is he your boyfriend?" she asks.

"What, Yeosang? Oh God, no. Absolutely not." She laughs nervously. “He’s my best friend. Why?”

Seonghwa shrugs, “Just making conversation.”

“Okay. Well. Hm, you?” Does she care if Seonghwa has a partner? No, not really. She would have probably known anyway. But it feels weird to not ask it back.

“He’s not my boyfriend either,” Seonghwa deadpans. Hongjoong laughs, but doesn’t reformulate the question.

⋆⁺₊❅。₊˚｡ ❆⛸❆⋆⁺₊˚。❅⁺₊⋆

She’s lost her mind. She must have. That’s the only thing Seonghwa can think about to justify her thoughts. All these years spinning must have fried her brain. Still, she knows where they stem from, she's already fought against them time and time again. She’d just like not having them.

They had been talking about anything, really. Not training, though, nor the competition season approaching. Not even the previous rink. They have talked about skating, but only in general. But Seonghwa wants to know. Everything in her screams to know more, to learn more. Her favourite colour is still blue? Her favourite food is still the pizza she ate at the camp? It’s not malicious. It just is, and Seonghwa hates it.

“How long have you been skating?” Seonghwa asks, then. For a moment, it feels wrong. As if she’s broken a pact between them. As if they’re suddenly talking shop, instead of chatting.

“Most of my life, really. I started at four,” Hongjoong replies, unfazed. Perhaps there wasn’t a rule she was breaking by asking about it. “You?”

“I was six, I think. Changed countless of coaches before settling for Coach Choi here.”

“She’s great,” Hongjoong smiles. “I started in a rink by Anyang. At 12 I changed rinks, moved to my previous one, I moved closer to Seoul, you know? It was clear that if I wanted to go pro I had to change something. I had only two coaches there, then I came here. So I probably don’t have too much experience to talk about it, but she really seems great.”

“She is. She loves her job. The day she retires is going to be the worst day of my life.”

They stay comfortably quiet for a moment as they free the table from their late dinner.

“Have you ever thought about coaching?” Hongjoong asks.

Seonghwa shrugs, “Not really. I don’t think I’d have the patience to do it.” Hongjoong nods, curls her lips, fidgets. “You?”

“I already do,” Hongjoong replies.

“Yeah but, like… living of coaching, not just as a side hustle.”

Hongjoong shrugs too, “I wouldn’t mind. But first I need to get good enough to actually prepare someone to go pro, you know? And probably study.”

“Getting on the podium at the Olympic games is not enough, you mean?” Seonghwa teases.

Hongjoong smiles softly, “Yeah, but... I’m not going to say it was luck, but also… I’m barely at your level right now. I still struggle with my triples myself at times, I doubt I could teach anything, you know?”

“Barely at? Are you serious? You’re way better than me!” Seonghwa exclaims because, what?

“Have you seen yourself, Seonghwa? You’re like— you close a double Axel as if it’s nothing!”

Seonghwa can feel herself blushing. “But your spins are so… clean! And fast! I wish I could do them like you!”

“Are you kidding me? They’re just spins. You told me that things don’t come naturally to you but it surely does seem so from the outside! You move so graciously, you make it seem effortless. That’s not something I could ever achieve fully, not even training. I could get close enough, but never on that level.”

“Don’t cut your merits short just to compliment me, Hongjoong. Don’t ever forget you’re one of the best skaters ever in South Korea and not only.”

“I mean it. I’m ‘one of the’, because you are the best. I’ve gotten so distracted at times looking at you that the kids at the rink make fun of me for it! You’re perfect on the ice.” It’s cute how agitated she gets saying it, all serious and blushing.

She’s cute. “Only on the ice?” Seonghwa teases with an exaggerated pout.

“No, not at all…” Hongjoong whispers. Seonghwa’s not sure when they’ve gotten so close, but she could feel Hongjoong’s whisper on her skin. And her hand on her waist, almost as if it’s burning. The same burning of a warm shower after a long day on the ice.

She leans in. “Tell me to stop,” she whispers, a breath away from Hongjoong’s lip.

“I won’t,” she replies, kissing her first.

She’s not sure what happens next. One second they’re in the kitchen by the counter, the next they’re on her couch making out as if they’re fifteen again. She’s not complaining, really, she just wonders how and when did Hongjoong’s hand reach tights? Why the couch, also. It’s not a big enough couch to comfortably fit two, so why did Hongjoong lead her here?

She’s thinking too much and she can actually feel her thoughts come in hazier and confused as Hongjoong kisses her, touches her, explores her body. She likes it, that’s for sure.

She wraps a hand behind Hongjoong’s neck, under her hair. Hongjoong giggles a little on her lips, probably ticklish, doesn’t stop kissing her. She still tastes like the persimmon they’d eaten last.

“Hwa…” Hongjoong murmurs on her lips, a hand hoovering by the end of her shirt. Whether that was Hongjoong asking for consent or not, Seonghwa wasn't sure, but she wasn't about to deny her anything. Seonghwa nods, then, and she can feel Hongjoong smiling into the kiss, her hand climbing her body underneath the shirt.

The touch lingers, almost burns her there where Hongjoong lets her hand rest. Seonghwa can't remember the last time she's been so close to anyone actually wanting to, but she half wonders why it's taken them so long to kiss. It's nice, it's simple, it lets her forget about everything else for a moment. Hongjoong's hand starts climbing again, reaches her bra, slips underneath it as if a secret.

Hongjoong parts from her lips and Seonghwa hates how cold hers are without Hongjoong there, runs after them with her eyes closed.

"Cute," Hongjoong whispers with a giggle, but doesn't lean in yet, so Seonghwa opens her eyes as Hongjoong removes her shirt. And wow, alright, she's gay. She needs it.

Her hands move autonomously towards Hongjoong's body, grab her waist, caress her back. She follows her to sit because she needs another kiss if Hongjoong lets her. Seonghwa can't remember the last time she's felt such hunger, but she goes to lean in again and Hongjoong kisses her back and it's just them there, for a moment, lips against lips, skin touching skin.

"Can I…?" Hongjoong murmurs, tugging at her shirt. Seonghwa removes it at once, throwing it somewhere to her left, hopefully on the ground.

She kisses her again, brings Hongjoong down with her by the neck. She bites her lip and Hongjoong pinches her waist as a response. Their hands keep roaming, they keep exploring, they keep studying the curves of the other's body.

The bras keep getting in the way, so they remove them, halting the kiss a toll Seonghwa wouldn't have wanted to pay. Hongjoong attacks her lips again, but it lasts less than Seonghwa would have wanted. Hongjoong moves to her neck, kisses a trail down her torso, back all the way up to her lips, and suddenly Seonghwa needs more. What does her skin taste like? What would Hongjoong sound like? What would Hongjoong like?

Hongjoong moves down again, fiddles with her waistband, kisses the skin underneath it. "Hwa, I'd like to eat you out," she says, looking at her.

Seonghwa founds it both adorable and really, really hot. "Be my guest," she replies with a grin, mirrored instantly by Hongjoong.

It's delicate, the way Hongjoong undresses her, the way Hongjoong kisses her body, the way Hongjoong goes down on her. It's delicate but she's good at it. Seonghwa curls a hand through Hongjoong's hair, arches her back when it's more pleasant. A moan escapes her and Hongjoong huffs a laugh there where she is. It's not mocking, but Seonghwa whispers a "Bitch" under her breath, halfway through a moan and a laugh. Hongjoong pinches her leg, goes at it harder.

Seonghwa moans, curls her toes, plays with Hongjoong's hair. "M-more," she pleads, and Hongjoong's hands get more active, leave her legs to join the action.

It's nice, it feels good, it makes Seonghwa forget everything else. She moans her name, smiles, feels the pleasure reach its climax. With the last active brain-cell she has, she realises she's glad Hongjoong's got stamina, because they've been at it for a while and she's not given up yet. She ought to thank and congratulate her later. Eventually, she climaxes, a hand still through Hongjoong's hair.

Hongjoong parts with a satisfied grin, the same she has when she likes her scores after a long program on the ice. Seonghwa pulls her closer to wipe it off her with a kiss. "My turn," she exclaims. She waits for Hongjoong's nod before flipping their positions. Her leg pulls at her, reminds her why she's off the ice right now, but she ignore it anyway.

She's felt good, now it's up to her to return the favour.

⋆⁺₊❅。₊˚｡ ❆⛸❆⋆⁺₊˚。❅⁺₊⋆

Hongjoong hates that it's good, because now she wants more. They've just finished dressing up again after their second round, that she feels her insides push her towards Seonghwa again, ask for her lips again, demand to feel her again.

Unaware of her internal turmoil, Seonghwa stands up, limps her way towards the fridge. "Thirsty?" she asks her from there, the clanks of the glasses echoing slightly, covering momentarily her memories of Seonghwa's melody.

Hongjoong nods, remembers Seonghwa can't see her, voices it out loud, "Yes, please." She doesn't let Seonghwa walk back to the couch though, reaching her instead. She'd cling to her back, if she knew that was allowed. She doesn't, however, so leans on the counter by her side.

Seonghwa passes her the glass, drinks in silence, refills her glass and drinks it again. "My car's still at the rink," she says.

It's not a question, but Hongjoong feels like she should reply something anyway. "Uh, yes. You can get it tomorrow."

Seonghwa nods slowly, thinking. "Are you going to the rink tomorrow?"

"At six, yes," Hongjoong nods. "I booked it weeks ago." She wants to work on the jumps in her program. She wonders if she could add more pizzazz to them. She needs to try it on an empty rink and that's the only time the rink's free enough to let her do it.

"That's early."

"A bit, but I like it. It wakes me up. Plus, I have a shooting at ten thirty." She rolls her eyes slightly. She never signed up to model for brands, but they help pay the bills.

Seonghwa furrows her brows. "The one for the shoes?"

"No, I did it today." There was good food at that shooting. Everyone she talks to agrees. "Tomorrow it's the make up one."

Seonghwa nods, understanding. Then she grins, pleased, "Sorry for the hickey, then," she says with a wink.

Hongjoong rolls her eyes with a smile, "Yeah, well… I hope their concealers really are as good as they claim." She knows Seonghwa's not sorry, she'd smiled too proudly admiring her work of art after she'd made Hongjoong moan just from it.

They're close. They don't have to be so close, but Hongjoong can't help it. Were it for her, she'd be clinging to her waist, she'd be leaning on her shoulder, she'd be kissing behind her ear. Seonghwa's smell so close yet so far away.

"It's late," Seonghwa comments, looking at the green led clock on her microwave. "How long does it take to go back to your place?"

"Little less than an hour."

Seonghwa is pensive for a moment. "You can stay here if you want. Or you'll be too tired to skate at six tomorrow."

Hongjoong's eyebrows shoot up. She won't, not really, she's done worse than that anyway. She doesn't say it, though, "If you don't mind."

"It's the most convenient for both of us."

"Just say you need a lift to the rink for your car, Hwa," she teases. It's not malicious, she hopes Seonghwa knows.

"That's a great added bonus, yes," she says with a grin. "Just like the possibility to make out again, you know?" She winks.

Hongjoong doesn't let her repeat it twice, rushes to her lips and lets her turmoil win. She searches her lips as if she'd been starved for months and they were promised food, enjoys the feeling of the freshness from the cold water she'd just drunk. If she concentrates, she can still feel herself on Seonghwa's tongue.

Her hand travels up from underneath the shirt, all the way to Seonghwa's breast, caresses one when she doesn't stop her. Seonghwa's hand travels down, instead, massages her ass and pulls her closer.

"Perhaps bedroom, though, this time," Seonghwa whispers, on her lips. Hongjoong agrees, lets herself be guided towards the room, gently pushes Seonghwa on her bed.

Her body screams to feel more, each action mirrored in Seonghwa's. It's relaxing, it's extemporaneous, it's a need they're complying to.

Hongjoong decides that she can really go on with so little sleep if it means she can taste Seonghwa's golden skin again and again and again. It's a price she's willing to pay, a trade she's willing to make. Much better than when she can't sleep and just overthinks, overworries. There's no other thought but Seonghwa Seonghwa Seonghwa in her brain and she likes it. It feels great. She moans her name out loud.

And if Seonghwa's "This can't change anything between us. Not on the ice" hurts her a little, the morning after, she doesn't let it show on her face, determined to keep it for herself.

"Of course it doesn't, I can't have you grow soft on me," she replies instead, not missing a beat. Still, she steals one more quick kiss before Seonghwa gets off from her car in the parking lot of the rink.

She's not sure what she might have expected, really. Seonghwa had been very clear that they're not friends, barely colleagues. Of course it can't change anything.

And still, her insides demand for more.

⋆⁺₊❅。₊˚｡ ❆⛸❆⋆⁺₊˚。❅⁺₊⋆

Seonghwa stays away from the rink the whole day after picking her car up. And she stays away Wednesday morning as well.

She doesn't want to see Hongjoong. Not when she knows how good it feels and how good Hongjoong tastes. Her brain had turned off and she wants it again. She can't trust herself around Hongjoong at the moment, so she just avoids her. It's quicker, it's easier.

But she can't stay off the ice forever.

"I knew you would have come anyway," Jongho greets her, opening the door to her studio.

"You said to come on Wednesday," Seonghwa replies.

Jongho lifts an eyebrow, "Yes, if you had no pain at all. You entered the studio with unbalanced weight, putting less on your left leg."

"I have no pain at all!" Seonghwa exclaims defensively.

"I'm not authorising you back like this, Hwa, so I'm sorry you came all this way for nothing."

Seonghwa rolls her eyes, "But why? I'm not in pain!"

"It doesn't count if you took a pain killer before coming here, you know that, right?"

"You're too good of a doctor," Seonghwa groans, sits down by his desk, "Stop that."

Jongho laughs, offers her a glass of water, "It's my job. And it's for your safety as well."

Seonghwa groans again, but she knows Jongho is right. "Did anyone else come by or was I the only annoyance this week?"

"I can't disclose personal information."

"See? You're too good, I just wanted to gossip among friends!" Seonghwa whines.

"We could gossip about you and Hongjoong, not medical history," Jongho winks at her and it takes everything in her not to choke on her own saliva.

She crosses her arms on her chest, "There's nothing to gossip about there."

"But she waited for you the other day," Jongho smirks, "And she asked about you this morning."

"Why?"

"She just asked if you'd come by," Jongho shrugs, "And if you'd texted in our group chat. She said you've gone MIA."

Seonghwa furrows her brows, "I haven't— I'm not MIA."

"I didn't even know you two talk enough to notice if you're MIA."

"We don't," Seonghwa does realise she's replied too quickly to pass it off as nonchalant, but that's how it came out naturally.

"Huh… sure," Jongho chuckles, "But perhaps you could text her? See what she wanted."

"I could."

"But?"

But if I see her I will want to kiss her and I can't have that, she thinks. "But nothing, if it's important she'll reach out, I think," she says.

"True that. Did you read…" Jongho goes on to talk about other things, from the plans for the evening to the latest TV series he's watched.

Seonghwa feels bad that she half-tunes him out. She's not doing it on purpose, but she can't stop thinking about the fact that Hongjoong has looked for her. Seonghwa takes part in the conversation, replies when a response is needed, gives her opinion when it's right. But her mind is set on one topic, like a dog with its bone.

"I have an appointment in ten minutes, by the way," Jongho says.

"With Hongjoong?" Seonghwa asks. It comes out of the blue, surprises them both.

"What? No?" He huffs a laugh, "Does she need it?"

Seonghwa briefly thinks about Hongjoong complaining for a strain in her wrist once she'd woken up at her place, but she knows that's not something Jongho could treat. Nor something that he could know.

"I don't know," she said, "I told you we don't talk."

Jongho does look at her with a quite confused expression, but Seonghwa ignores it. Just like she ignores her brain asking for her to talk to Hongjoong.

⋆⁺₊❅。₊˚｡ ❆⛸❆⋆⁺₊˚。❅⁺₊⋆

Hongjoong doesn’t see Seonghwa until the end of the week. It’s torturous, it’s annoying, it’s weird. She won’t lie and say she’s not at least a little bit worried about it, also because if she’s not coming to the rink to train it’s probably because she’s still injured which is weird, right? It’s normal to worry about a colleague, right?

She’s tried not to overthink it. She really has, even if she’s golden medallist of overthinking everything. Was she too direct? Did she misread the situation? Did Seonghwa realise she just really despises her now and feels too awkward to be in the same room? Or perhaps she’s really just still hurt and Jongho hasn’t cleared her yet. But if it’s so, then she must be really upset, right? She didn’t even want to wait a couple of days, imagine a full week.

What if it’s a combination of both? She’s upset for the mandatory rest and for what they’ve done and now they’re forever linked and Hongjoong just single-handedly ruined Seonghwa’s career? She could never forgive herself, if that’s the case. Hongjoong could, technically, ask Yunho if she’s heard from her, after all. Perhaps she has. Or Mingi. They’re her friend, after all. When Hongjoong’s upset, she goes to Yeosang to vent at times, so perhaps Seonghwa’s also done it. But what if she’s ashamed and—

“Hongjoong! Are you done with this machine? How many reps are you doing?” San’s voice breaks through her thought spiral.

Hongjoong would know how to reply to that, had she actually paid attention to what she was doing and were not in autopilot. However, it was not the case at all. She has no idea. “San! Hi. Um, yes. Yes I am,” she replies with a small chuckle.

“You seem out of it. What’s up?” He asks, putting down his towel on the machine.

Hongjoong tries to think about the next exercise she has to do, but nothing comes to mind. “Just a lot of things to think about, nothing serious.”

Seonghwa lifts an eyebrow, “Do I have to kick some asses?”

Hongjoong chuckles, “No, San, thank you,” she says. “The only kick I need is that of coffee right now…”

“Don’t drink coffee while working out, Hongjoong,” San reprimands her. Sometimes she forgets that’s their personal trainer, technically speaking. “That’s like— bad. If you need energy, get some isotonic from the dispenser over there.”

Someone joins their conversation, appearing from behind her. “Or you could sleep, you know?” Seonghwa comments, dropping her towel by the nearby leg machine.

Hongjoong rolls her eyes, smiles inadvertently, “I’d love to,” she says, winking to her and hoping San doesn't see.

Seonghwa’s back and training. She feels a thug in her stomach, almost celebratory.

“Do you have troubles sleeping?” San asks.

She shrugs, “I always have, really. Falling asleep is like an herculean task for me.”

“Really? I wouldn’t have said so,” Seonghwa says.

Hongjoong can’t reply as she’d like to. “Yeah, making out and pleasing you makes me exhausted” doesn’t really seem appropriate for the situation they’re in. “I have some exceptions,” she replies instead. Seonghwa winks at her with a grin, before going back to her warming up. Her brain short-circuits for a moment.

“It’s five, by the way. Don’t you have training now?” San says, looking at his watch between two repetitions.

Most probably yes, Hongjoong thinks. And most importantly, San has a better access to everyone’s booking for a spot either at the gym or on the ice, so he would know.

“I have it in an hour. Are we booked together?” Seonghwa tilts her head to look at Hongjoong.

“I— crap, the girls!” She slams her forehead with a hand, groans. “Yes. I have to go, sorry.”

“How long?” Seonghwa tilts her head looking at her. It's cute, like a puppy trying to understand something. She pouts a little and Hongjoong feels the inexplicable urge to bite her.

“Ninety minutes, then I’m booked for solo training.” Hongjoong picks her water bottle from the ground, realises she must have skipped at least half of her warm up, hopes it doesn’t impact her too badly. “So yes, we’re booked together.”

Seonghwa waits a beat before deadpanning an annoyed “Great,” with a nod, freeing the leg machine she had been using. “See you later then.”

Hongjoong greets them both as she leaves. San shouts after her, “Don’t fight on the ice again, girls!”

Seonghwa laughs, “It only happened once!”

Hongjoong turns around, salutes him with two fingers. She catches Seonghwa winking at her before leaving.

The tug in her stomach drops a bit lower. She needs her again.

⋆⁺₊❅。₊˚｡ ❆⛸❆⋆⁺₊˚。❅⁺₊⋆

They don’t fight on the ice, which is a win. They do get close to it, though.

Actually, not really, but Seonghwa was frustrated anyway and she thought about starting a fight to let her frustration out.

She had been days off the ice and her leg was alright, but also not entirely because she was still mentally wary of doing some moves. And Hongjoong was very distracting, yelling at the girls for each jump and each movement. Not to mention the other coach with the newbie taking up the outer ring of the ice and forcing her to pay much, much more attention in how she ends her own actions.

And she felt like she had missed so much in those skipped practices, she was lacking now. She feels all her muscles gone, no strength at all to jump. She knows it’s not how it works, she know it really wasn’t that big of a deal. But still. Annoying.

So, when Hongjoong calls her out because she wasn’t paying enough attention and trips her athlete closing a jump sequence, Seonghwa almost snaps.

“Seonghwa! Watch out!” she shouts, skating towards her. “You’re not the only one on the ice!” She helps the girl up, checks if she’d gotten hurt.

“Sorry,” Seonghwa replies, lifting her hands as if in surrender. “I hadn’t realised she was there.”

“Of course.”

“What do you mean ‘of course’?” She asks venomously.

Hongjoong rolls her eyes, “I don’t think you would have tripped Sua on purpose. But you should really pay more attention to what you’re doing, or someone could get hurt.”

“No one’s getting hurt.”

Hongjoong nods slowly, as if to say ‘that’s what I want’. “If everyone pays attention.”

“Sure, whatever,” Seonghwa replies, rolling her eyes.

Really, she knows she’s wrong. She was way too distracted and she was paying no mind at all to what was happening around her and, again, Sua had right of way, technically speaking, because she was jumping — Seonghwa was just skating around. But she can’t help herself, something pushing inside of her to just be as unbearable to the others are the others were feeling like to her. Especially Hongjoong. Still, as she passes by Sua again, she slows down enough to apologise.

It gets worse, of course. Hongjoong finishes training the girls, tells her goodbyes, starts a very brief warm-up on the ice. They keep training in silence. Hongjoong stretches her shoulders, crosses some steps, stretches her legs again. When she starts jumping, Seonghwa decides it’s her clue to take a water break.

She doesn’t stare on purpose, but she does anyway. Coach Choi has left already, her shift ending at 18:30 any given day, the other coach also finally gone from the ice.

“The last triple was under-rotated,” Seonghwa shouts to Hongjoong from the other side of the rink. “A shame.”

Hongjoong momentarily drops her form, which Seonghwa finds almost amusing in the back of her mind, then starts skating towards her. “How did you see that?”

“It was very under-rotated and you were falling.”

“You were too far to—”

“I’ve seen you close the triple thousands of time in the last four years. I think there’s a chance I know what your well-rotated triple Loop looks like,” Seonghwa leaves her bottle behind to meet Hongjoong halfway. “And as I said, it would have been quite evident anyway.”

“Then don’t look,” Hongjoong retorts with a groan. “You distract me.”

“I—? You! How?”

Hongjoong rolls her eyes, “You stare.”

“As if you don’t?”

They start skating around, just moving on the ice. “That’s not what I said,” Hongjoong whines. “I’m just saying that your staring distracts me.”

“Should I apologise, or…?”

“No, it’s whatever. Just stop staring,” she replies, picking up speed and leaving Seonghwa behind. They continue in silence. Somehow, knowing it is mutual helps calming her down.

“Your laid-back spin was too off-centred,” Hongjoong comments, skating right past Seonghwa.

Seonghwa drops her ending pose to cross her arms, “Says the expert.”

Hongjoong rolls her eyes, huffs, goes to skate away, “Whatever, sorry for helping.”

“No, wait. Sorry,” Seonghwa says quickly, blocking Hongjoong from leaving. They end up spinning in place, which makes both of them smile, at least. “Sorry, I’ve just been struggling with it.”

“Yeah, I can see that,” Hongjoong remarks with a grin.

“Bitch,” she rolls her eyes again.

Hongjoong chuckles, “Sorry, sorry. Do you need help?”

“I don’t know, can you do miracles?”

Hongjoong doesn’t find it nearly as funny as she does, scoffing a little, “It’s really not that bad.”

Seonghwa smiles, “Thank you, hun.”

Hongjoong blushes a little, which is extremely cute, Seonghwa thinks. “Do you want my help or not?” Hongjoong asks.

“Yes, please, Coach Kim,” She replies with a wink. Hongjoong groans, but she doesn’t skate away, at least.

Hongjoong is good, Seonghwa realises. It’s not that she was not aware before that moment, but it’s always stunning to live it first hand. Because Hongjoong is gentle, is patient, is incredibly good at explaining how things should be done.

Which does nothing to help her when it comes to how much she needs her again. Each touch to fix her posture reminds her of the touches she did back to her place. Each compliment for how good she was, reminds her of the good’s and the yes, like that’s that she had said that night. It’s a struggle, Seonghwa is struggling. But at least she had a couple of centred Laid-backs, so she’s happy.

“Well done!” Hongjoong skips on her place, claps her hands. It’s exactly what she does when the girls do something well, which is adorable and Seonghwa has to fight the urge to kiss her.

Seonghwa smiles, bows a little, “Thank you.” She goes to get some water, offers some isotonic water to Hongjoong, who accepts it.

“Don’t mention it, it was an easy-fix,” she says.

“Do you need help with your jump?”

Hongjoong shrugs, “I might. I haven’t closed it appropriately since changing rinks, but also…”

Seonghwa nudges her a little, “Also?”

“I think you’re my main issue.”

“Well, I’m touched.”

Hongjoong pushes her a little, a bit teasingly, “It’s a serious issue.”

“Is it?” Seonghwa lifts an eyebrow.

“You’re distracting, I told you.”

“How so?” She skates closer to Hongjoong, almost as close to touch her.

“You just are.”

Seonghwa smirks, “I don’t think that’s a valid answer, I fear,” she teases. She’s playing a dangerous game, her brain telling her to stop now, her body asking for her again.

“See? That’s why you’re distracting!” Hongjoong takes a step back, leans against the rink borders.

“I’m not doing anything,” she replies, getting closer again.

Hongjoong chuckles, “Oh, shut up.”

“What?” Seonghwa gets close enough to fit between her legs. The only distance left only there because she’s not leaning over her yet.

“If you want to be this close, you’d better kiss me already.”

Seonghwa grins, “Kiss you? Why?”

“Because you’re very obviously staring at my lips. And because I’d want you to, if you agree,” Hongjoong replies, a hand going lying on Seonghwa’s waist.

“Just like this, on the ice?” It’s dumb to overthink it now, when everything went right along the lines of what she had been thinking about. It feels ironic, almost like the price to pay for a small moment of happiness.

Hongjoong smiles softly, but Seonghwa can still see the ghost of doubt crossing her eyes, “I mean… yeah. Or we could go to the changing rooms… technically, our booking’s up.”

“I like this plan,” Seonghwa whispers, “But if you let me, I’d kiss you now.”

Hongjoong nods, gently pulling her closer from the waist, Seonghwa probably activating too many muscles not to slip on her all at once. They kiss, Seonghwa can feel her brain shutting off entirely for the time their kiss lasts. It’s addicting.

They part when Hongjoong’s skate slightly slips, reminding them that they’re still on the ice. A safety hazard. They laugh as they part ways.

“It’s not safe on the ice,” Hongjoong whispers.

“Mh, not at all,” Seonghwa replies, still gripping Hongjoong waist as if she were still falling, still yearning for her lips.

Hongjoong gently pushes her away, forcing them to straighten up, leave the ice. It’s probably the quickest they’ve ever removed their skates, but they’re both very clearly on a rush to feel the other again. They steal glances from each other, pinch each other’s waist just to tease, steal a peak as they move.

They’re intoxicated and they need to feel the other as soon as possible.

⋆⁺₊❅。₊˚｡ ❆⛸❆⋆⁺₊˚。❅⁺₊⋆

It becomes a habit. A way to de-stress, a way to reward the other, a way to unwind. It’s addictive and Hongjoong is intoxicated, Seonghwa doing nothing to help her in the slightest, probably as intoxicated as her.

They kiss, they make out, they explore each other’s bodies, they make each other feel good.

It happens by the showers, in the changing room, by the Kiss and cry area when the rink is empty. It happens in the car, on the way to Seonghwa’s place. Hongjoong even stays over to sleep at times, the following training too early in the morning and her own place far too far away for the commute to be worth it.

Even Yeosang notices, points it out first out of curiosity, then just teasingly. “What, eating out again?” he had asked once, replying to Hongjoong’s text about not waiting for her for lunch. Hongjoong would have believed it a genuine question, hadn't she added a ridiculous amount of side eyes to it. Whether he knew it was with Seonghwa, Hongjoong wasn't sure — she doesn't care.

The truth is that it’s nice. Really, really nice. It is a great way to find some temporary relief and it makes it easier to go through the day, and it makes it easier to coexist with Seonghwa, less awkward. Which is probably one of the most important things of it all.

Are they friends? Debatable, sure, but they are more than just colleagues now, or so she believes, at least. They've broken the ice somehow now, and it's lighter. They still tease each other, but whatever tension had existed before then, it has finally found a way out and it gets dissolved, one kiss or one moan at a time.

“Do you want some breakfast?” Seonghwa asks from the kitchen, still squeezing her eyes with her hands and yawning.

This also is nice, for Hongjoong. Sleeping over, it is. Not only for the commodity of having less to commute and sharing the gas prices at times. But the sleeping over. Actually sleeping and resting. She hadn't slept so well and for so long at night in ages and suddenly… suddenly she's waking up well-rested.

“What's on the menu?” she jokes, filling a glass of water from the fridge.

It was possible that people had started to notice it. It had been evident for everyone that they had started getting along, of course, that was hard to miss. But really, it was in the little things. Mingi pointing out once that they had come at the same time in the same car, commenting that "they don't leave close enough to carpool, what were they doing together?". Yunho noticing that Hongjoong was wearing a shirt identical to one of Seonghwa’s for training, the one she had gifted her. Yeosang noticing Hongjoong's car missing from the building’s garage. Even Coach Choi had commented on their easiness with each other, complimenting the improvement they'd had in the last month.

Seonghwa opens a can of kimchi with a grin, "I am getting kimchi with eggs.”

Really, it was nice. Domestic, even. Seonghwa has given her a toothbrush to keep at her place, for when she stays over randomly. Which is something that really happens often. She has some of her things there, an old shirt of Seonghwa's that she uses as pyjama, a change of clothes, even her favourite strap on. She finds her favourite chocomilk in the fridge every time Seonghwa buys groceries, her favourite brand of instant ramen in the cabinets. It's only been a little over a month of it, really, yet it feels like they've been doing that their whole life.

“Can you make some for me as well?” Hongjoong sits by the table, at her not-actually-hers place.

It's nice, Hongjoong is getting used to all of this at a quicker pace than she would have thought. She knows they're just friends, if that, there's no real feeling behind it all if not that of mutual interest, some type of selfish desire to unwind. She knows this could easily end up biting her in the ass, she really doesn't need Yeosang to send concerned glances every now and then. She's okay with it, really.

Seonghwa breaks a couple eggs into the pan, sautés them with the kimchi, smiles. “Alright, but you're on coffee duty.”

Hongjoong likes this… deal she has with Seonghwa. She gets the full deal, without the commitments of a real relationship. It begins and it ends with the sex. Everything else is a nice bonus, that's it. Their performance on the ice has gotten better? Added bonus. Hongjoong sleeps better? Added bonus. The commute is shorter? Added bonus.

“It's a price I'm willing to pay,” Hongjoong replies, pulling herself up to the coffee machine.

She gets all of that and Seonghwa gets what she wants — for everything to not change anything. Win win. They're still a source for the other to push herself to do better, they're still single, they're still rivals. Everything changes so that everything can stay the same, or whatever it is that they say.

“Did you book a rink slot as well?” Hongjoong asks as Seonghwa drops her portion into her but-not-really-hers red bowl.

Hongjoong doesn't mind this one bit. Why should she? She can still do everything she was doing before her, if she wants to. Go out, find someone to be with? Sure, if she wants to. Ignore her phone for hours? Can do, if she wants to. The fact that she doesn't want to is only due to personal reasons, Seonghwa being a simple side effect. Why go out, when Seonghwa can fuck her well enough already to have her legs shaking? Why ignore the phone, if Seonghwa could booty call her? It's a personal choice, just like it's a personal choice to keep the deal. Because Hongjoong's fine with it.

Seonghwa gives her the food, puts away the pan. “Nah, I have the whole afternoon booked. I'm shooting for the brand deal today.”

Hongjoong nods, thanks her for the food, gets up to get the coffee and some cups when it beeps that it's ready.

They don't talk much. Which is also nice. If they do talk, it's about skating. It's about the upcoming season, it's about the Asian Open Trophy, it's about whether they'll make the National team again for Worlds in January. It helps, really. It makes it even more obvious that they're not much more than friends and it makes it easier to school her thoughts again, if they do wander towards uncharted and dangerous territories. If they were more than that, they would do more. They don't, end of the discussion. She's not even sure why she's thought about it so much this morning.

Today is a day they don't talk much at all and it's nice. It's always been nice with Seonghwa, mostly. They eat in silence, get ready in tandem as if they've been doing that for most of their life, get out each on their own day. They might meet again at the rink, or one of them could booty call. Who's to say? They haven't really talked about their day, they haven't planned together what they'll do. That's not part of the deal, after all, Hongjoong knows.

She closes Seonghwa's door behind her, hands her back the keys, says goodbye at her car with a wave of her hand. She's content.

In a sense, Hongjoong had wanted this with Seonghwa since forever. Since that first competition all those time ago, when she was barely thirteen and Seonghwa almost ran her over while warming up. She knew Seonghwa had an effect on her.

Then life happened, they got separated, the rivalry became an intangible wall between them making it impossible for them to befriend each other for real.

It was a good rivalry, not funded in hate but in admiration, so they’d never really done anything about it. Hongjoong almost convinced herself that the only effect Seonghwa had on her was the push to do better, so of course she wouldn't have done anything to change their rivalry. Not even when they almost kissed in the bathroom during Skating Camp at fifteen. Not even two years later, when they almost kissed by the Kiss and cry area at their last Junior league Trophy. Not even when Seonghwa had drunkenly proposed to make out in the athletes hotel during the Olympics. And, obviously, not even when they fought on the ice during the second ever training in Seonghwa's rink after Hongjoong had moved.

So really, they'd gone most of their lives without doing anything about it. Then, suddenly, they changed their deal, actually addressing this attraction.

And really? Hongjoong's a fan.

⋆⁺₊❅。₊˚｡ ❆⛸❆⋆⁺₊˚。❅⁺₊⋆

"I need to figure out how the training harness works," Hongjoong comments randomly, her back turned towards Seonghwa as she searches in Seonghwa's fridge for some fresh snack post training.

They've been doing that often, especially after a training session late in the evening. It's nice, Seonghwa thinks, going home together to hang out.

It usually happens the most when they're already making out in the changing rooms, sure, but the ride home calms them down enough to actually sit down and eat dinner before getting back to it. Most of the times, at least.

"Which training harness?" Seonghwa asks, vigorously chopping some green onions at the table.

"The one for the jumps. I saw Coach Lee using it today."

Seonghwa chuckles, "I thought you were discussing kinks before dinner."

Hongjoong closes the fridge door, rolls her eyes with a dry chuckle, "You're always thinking about that."

"Your fault, pretty," she replies with a wink, a hand automatically moving to give Hongjoong a glass for her juice.

"How can it be my fault? You're the naughty one!" Hongjoong sounds almost whiny, which is something Seonghwa can't deny makes her look cute. It's probably why Seonghwa finds it always so entertaining to tease her.

Seonghwa stirs the pot, turns around with a furrowed brow and a smirk. "I'm naughty?"

"Yes!"

"Then you should do something about it…"

Hongjoong blushes, probably taken off guard more than anything else, but sustains her eyes anyway, "Not now."

"Then I'll still be naughty," Seonghwa shrugs with a teasing smile, goes back to cooking, doesn't face Hongjoong anymore.

It's probably why she jumps when she feels Hongjoong's hands grab her waist, halfway through a hug and pull. "You're cooking," she mumbles with tiny voice, "Maybe later?"

The way she lays her cheek on Seonghwa's shoulder is soft, is cute, and Seonghwa likes it.

It's got almost nothing to do with the Hongjoong she's met before, or the one who comes in bed with her. It doesn't seem like the same Hongjoong who fucks her with the purple strap until she's a shivering mess, nor the Hongjoong who trains. It looks much more like the same Hongjoong she saw once, when Seonghwa called her a pet-name she really didn't like. Or the one that mumbles nonsense when she's too sleepy.

"Later," Seonghwa confirms, her head tilting just enough to bump into Hongjoong's. "Why do you want to use the harness? Planning on starting quadruples?"

Hongjoong doesn't leave her back yet, "Oh, that'd be cool. I was thinking about the girls though, Siyoon should start the doubles soon."

"Which one is Siyoon again?" Seonghwa drops the ladle on the side, turns around between Hongjoong's arms so they can keep hugging. Hongjoong is not one to start such blatant skinship, especially not outside the house, and Seonghwa is basking in it now.

"The tall one, the only one who always lands the Axel."

Seonghwa nods, the girl clear in her mind now. "I think it works like any other harness. You strap it on almost like the strap itself."

"Do I have to turn anything on? Unlock something? Keep it in a specific way?" Hongjoong asks again.

Seonghwa shrugs, moves slightly so that she can keep on stirring the soup in the pot. "You just have to pull it to the centre, basically. It's a very basic machine, really. I think every jump harness works like ours."

Hongjoong huffs, "Never used them."

"Never?" Seonghwa exclaims immediately. "What do you mean never?"

"We didn't have them until… last year? I've never seen them be used, though."

Seonghwa pushes Hongjoong's shoulders back, so she can look her better in the face. "You've learnt triples without any help?"

"Of course I had help. My coach, off-ice—"

"I meant something like the harness. How did you come out of that alive?" Seonghwa interrupts her, admiration evident in her tone.

"Padding for the knees," Hongjoong replies with a wink, "And a lot of patience and determination I think."

"Did you not use it either for the Axels?" Hongjoong just shakes her head, a small pout on her lips. "God, you're so hot for this," Seonghwa comments, squeezing Hongjoong's cheeks for a kiss.

Hongjoong nods once and leans on for a small kiss before saying, "I mean, I did break my ankle as I was learning."

"Unbelievably hot," Seonghwa repeats, a forcibly dreaming tone permeating her words.

"Dumbass…" Hongjoong mumbles sweetly.

Seonghwa kisses her again, the kiss lasting a bit longer this time. And she would have kept kissing her, had the pan on the stove not started making worrying sounds. Hongjoong chuckles as Seonghwa curses, jumping to rescue their dinner.

"If you want to try using it on someone before you try it on the girls, we can do that next time we're booked together," Seonghwa says, almost absentmindedly, as if offering it didn't make her insides twist in fear of being rejected.

Hongjoong nods with a tiny smile, "If it doesn't bother you."

"Not at all. We could use it also for your triple. See if it's really me staring," she says, winking with a grin.

Hongjoong rolls her eyes, "You're the worst, Hwa."

"Yet, here you are," Seonghwa replies, turning off the stove and walking closer to Hongjoong.

"Here I am…" Hongjoong nods almost looking resigned by it, but she smiles, grabbing Seonghwa's waist and pulling her more closely. "Did you turn it off?"

"Personally, I'm turned on."

"You're so dumb," Hongjoong laughs, kissing her. "If it's off, we could—"

"It's off. Please," Seonghwa says between Hongjoong lips, almost breathless.

Hongjoong doesn't even reply before gripping her ass and pulling her up, Seonghwa's legs automatically gripping Hongjoong's waist to help her carry her.

"Room or couch?" Hongjoong asks.

"Room."

Hongjoong moves through the house as if she belongs there, as if it's not Seonghwa's house but theirs. Seonghwa doesn't mind it. It feels normal, it feels natural, it feels like something that was always meant to be.

"Any preferences?" Hongjoong asks, dropping Seonghwa's unceremoniously on the bed.

"None, as long as it's you," Seonghwa whispers.

"Great," She says, starting to undress her. "God, you're beautiful."

"Right back at y—" Seonghwa doesn't manage to finish her sentence before she feels Hongjoong's tongue play with her, tease her enough to drive her insane.

She'll get her revenge. In the meanwhile, she lets Hongjoong have fun as she makes her moan her name and other profanities.

If this is their new normal, Seonghwa doesn't feel like changing it at all.

⋆⁺₊❅。₊˚｡ ❆⛸❆⋆⁺₊˚。❅⁺₊⋆

The day everything changes, starts as normal as their new normal usually does. There's a little less than two weeks left before the Asian Open, but they're both training only in the afternoon, with the Hockey season starting as well. Hongjoong wakes up before Seonghwa and leaves her asleep in her bed, the photoshoot way too early in the morning for waking her up just for company. She drives home to shower, eats some simple breakfast she can put together without cooking, leaves for the last shooting of the collection with the brand for the season. It's a long ride, but the location is nice, at least.

She's commuting to the location when her phone rings. It's her mum, which is weird, so unannounced. She picks it up through the car's speakers.

“Mum! Hi!” She likes talking to her anyway, always a nice insight on things, especially when she's too far to directly impact the outcome of what she suggests.

Her mum's silent for a moment. Hongjoong checks if the call actually connected, the seconds adding up one after the other on the screen. Then her mother speaks, “Hi, Hongie. How are you?” She sounds tense, and Hongjoong doesn't like it.

“I'm alright, going to a morning photoshoot for the sports line right now. I hope they give me coffee and let me keep the hats this time, so I can send you some. I know you like them.”

Her mum sighs on the line, but as she speaks, it's clear she's smiling. “I hope so too. They're nice.”

Hongjoong knows her mum. She knows how she acts, how she hides things, how she dodges the questions she doesn't want to hear how she avoids the things she doesn't want to talk about. And Hongjoong knows there's something going on. Her mum never calls this early, never forgets to text her first, asking if Hongjoong's free to talk. “Everything alright back home?”

“Yes, we're alright. Your father's at work, Grandma Kim is painting in her room,” she says.

“Cooking up the next masterpiece?”

“You know it,” she replies, but there isn't the same vitality there usually is.

“Mum, what's wrong?” Hongjoong asks then, the worry reaching a level that is just too high to be contained.

Her mother sighs, “I was reading the news this morning. Your rink was on it. Apparently, they're investigating cases of abuse and— her voice falters for a moment —Wasn’t Coach Sang your coach?”

“Abuse?” It takes up most of her energy to keep the car running on the motorway, enough to reach a place where she can stop. “What abuse?”

A cold room, the muffled sounds of people jumping on the ice next door, a laughter echoing on the walls.

“Coach Sang and the other, what was her name? Ryu? Roe? They're the main names I read, really, but they say some mothers have spoken up about abuses on their children at the rink. By the hands of these coaches. Something about… insults, physical attacks, even sexual comments." Her mum sighs, she's sad as she speaks again: "Did you know about this?”

Hongjoong's glad she's stopped the car. “Huh? Really? Who's reported it?”

Hungry eyes, "I can offer you a trade if you really want this, Angel," cold hands.

She can feel her mother sigh in relief on the phone, “It's anonymous. It started with a mother reporting abuses on her daughter, and others followed when the investigation started. Apparently that's why it closed down.”

“Crazy story,” she comments. “Really, crazy things. In secret as well."

Cold touches, the screams, "You're exaggerating, as always, Angel."

"The investigation lasted a couple of weeks maximum, I read. There was enough evidence, and many children have spoken up as well. Coach Sang has the most charges. Did you not see anything?"

She didn't see anything. She hadn't heard anything. Nothing concerning, nothing out of the ordinary. Not since… Hongjoong bites her lip, forces every memory to go back in the pitch darkness of everything she's willingly forgotten, "Who would have thought, Coach Sang. Really!” She doesn't know how believable she sounds, but her mother seems relieved anyway and it's enough, for now.

“He always seemed so well-mannered. He loved his athletes, he was always so nice to you!”

"Angel, that's why you're my favourite."

Hongjoong almost collides with a car behind her as she turns left to get back on the road, hoping driving distracts her brain. “Yeah… mum, I'm at the studio now. I have to go, alright? We'll talk later.” The cheer in her voice feels forced to her, she's not sure it's hers or not, but it's enough to infect her mother.

“Yes, yes! You work well, alright? I'll tell your father not to worry. If you're not involved, there's no need to be concerned.”

Hongjoong nods, her words dying on her tongue before she can voice them. She wonders if she's still in time to call off the shooting for today, avoid the next fifteen minutes of commute. Go home, turn her mind off for a while, until it feels like it's safe again. “Yes, you do that. And tell him I'm sending kisses. To grandma Kim as well.”

“I love you, Hongie,” her mother says. Hongjoong fights back some traitorous tears that have pooled up.

“Me, too, mum.”

Her mum hangs up the phone, Hongjoong almost misses her exit. She's not entirely sure what else happens next.

⋆⁺₊❅。₊˚｡ ❆⛸❆⋆⁺₊˚。❅⁺₊⋆

Seonghwa can feel that something is off, but she doesn’t entirely know what it is.

She wakes up slowly, enjoys Hongjoong’s scent still on her pillow, showers lazily. It’s almost a ritual, when Hongjoong leaves before her. It’s not something she minds, at all.

She eats a simple breakfast as she scrolls on the phone, catches up to the texts her friends had sent her the previous night. Mingi wants to cut his hair, San approves, Yunho asks for ‘female support’ from her, everyone teases her because “she’s gotten a girl and forgotten about her friends, now”. She hasn’t found a girl, but they find it incredibly entertaining to tease her about that, so she's stopped correcting them.

When she gets home from the supermarket, it's later than she expected, she barely has time to get ready before storming out of the house to reach the gym. She’d lost sight of the time that morning as she was cleaning, dancing to one song or another that Hongjoong had suggested some days prior, taking way too much time putting away the groceries she'd bought.

She reaches the rink with two minutes on the clock left before her booking for the gym runs out. San chuckles as he sees her walk in, “Long day?”

Seonghwa scoffs, putting down her water bottle by the treadmill. “Short morning,” she replies, winking.

“Who were you with?”

“This morning? Absolutely no one,” she smiles sheepishly.

“Have you really found yourself a girlfriend? Is it Hongjoong?” Yunho appears from behind a machine, asks the question, disappears again.

“I don’t have a girlfriend and, no, it wouldn’t be Hongjoong.”

San lifts an eyebrow, “We’re not dumb, you know that, right?”

“I don’t think you are,” Seonghwa says simply.

“Then don’t act like we can’t see the way you look at her,” Yunho comments, her water bottle untapped, ready to drink.

“There’s no way I look at her. She’s a great athlete, I admire that. Only that.”

“Okay…” San doesn’t seem convinced as he replies, but it’s whatever.

They don’t need to know what goes on, do they? Even if she and Hongjoong are just friends, and Seonghwa wouldn’t even call them friends for real, her friends don’t need to know what relationship is there, do they?

Yunho leaves for the rink shortly after, Mingi apparently having already left for off-ice training and now waiting for her to practice, San stays, alternating between following Seonghwa’s training and the other people’s. They chat about this and that, San corrects her form, asks about her day.

“Do you think it’s true, what they’re saying about Hongjoong and Yeosang’s old rink?” San asks, then. “I don’t want to spread rumours, but…”

Seonghwa tilts her head, “What?”

“Didn’t you read the news this morning?” Seonghwa shakes her head no, no she hadn’t. “They’re talking about abuses. Yeosang cancelled his training this morning.”

“Well, that’s a first.”

“Yeah, that’s why we're worried, you know?”

Seonghwa isn’t sure she knows. It could be coincidental, it could all be a big misunderstanding. She also really doesn’t know what all of it is about, though. It’s not hard to think about abuses when it comes to sports, but neither Hongjoong nor Yeosang have ever shown signs of past abuses. Then again, what would the signs be?

A phone rings somewhere in the gym, Seonghwa still hasn’t replied, San is still looking at her as if he expects her to say something. But say what? An “I’m sorry” would do nothing to the situation, and it’s not like she knows anything more than the others. Why should she? Hongjoong and she are not dating, they’re not even really friends! She knows nothing. And she’s absolutely fine without knowing anything.

“I’m sure it will be alright,” she says at last, putting down the weights she was using.

San sighs, “It’s just… Hongjoong looks so— I don’t know.”

Seonghwa shrugs, “I’m not sure what you mean, I barely know her, you know that.”

“I thought you guys were close by now, with the way you act around each other.”

Are they? Seonghwa supposes they could be, but wouldn’t close friends know about abuses? Or supposed abuses, at least. Perhaps they’ve never happened, that’s why she doesn’t know.

But are they friends, are they close? Sure, Seonghwa knows that Hongjoong likes drinking her coffee black in the morning and adds too much salt on her eggs, only on her eggs. Sure, Seonghwa knows Hongjoong has a mole under her left nipple and she’s ticklish when she caresses her chest. Sure, she knows Hongjoong smells like pine and brown sugar when she showers at her place and that Seonghwa’s shower gel makes Hongjoong smell so differently than what Seonghwa is used to.

But these are not things that count, are they? Seonghwa doesn’t know if Hongjoong’s got siblings, or what her parents do for a living. She doesn’t know what she does everyday, if Yeosang and Hongjoong actually live together. She only knows Hongjoong’s birthday is in November because it’s come up during sex, somehow. Because that’s what they do, that’s what they are. Or, at least, that’s what Hongjoong seems to believe as well. So no. No, San’s wrong. They’re not friends, they’re not close. They’re classic textbook-definition fuck buddies.

“We’re not,” she says, way more snappily than she thought it would have been.

“Seriously?” San seems concerned.

Seonghwa shrugs, “I don’t know what to tell you. We’re not close, we’re not friends. She’s a great athlete, that’s it. I don’t think we could actually be friends, it would probably hinder me on the ice in the long run.”

She realises something is wrong when San stops looking at her. She turns her head, only to be met by Hongjoong’s face, her eyes staring right back at her. She doesn’t say anything, so Seonghwa doesn’t say anything either.

San points at the free treadmill, directs Hongjoong to start her off-ice training, Hongjoong seems out of it.

Whether she’s heard Seonghwa or not, she’s not sure. Still, Hongjoong barely speaks the whole training session, even on the ice.

⋆⁺₊❅。₊˚｡ ❆⛸❆⋆⁺₊˚。❅⁺₊⋆

Training to distract herself turns out to be useless, to Hongjoong’s greatest displeasure.

Everyone is looking at her with pity, with wondering eyes, the unspoken worry permeating everything they do or say.

She needs to get out. She needs to go somewhere no one can find her, ask her about a past she had thought buried by now.

Her phone dings again, she doesn’t even need to check to know it’s not something she’d like. If it’s Yeosang, the text is probably something along the lines of ‘Hey, can we talk? Is it true? Why didn’t you tell me?’. If it’s her mum, she’s checking in on her and Hongjoong doesn’t really feel like saying that she’s fine and lie again, but she has no intention to worry her mother further. If it’s any other of the guys from this or the previous rink, they’re probably sending thoughts. Or the worst, if it’s another unknown number, it’s probably another journalist trying to get her to comment on it.

She wants none of it. She’d want less than none of it, if she could.

It takes her way less than usual to undo her skates, warm off, leave the rink.

A small pack of journalists sees her, runs towards her with their angry mics and their hungry cameras, starts screaming unintelligible questions to her. She tries to walk around them, but they move with her and she doesn’t know how to reach her car now. She’d like to send them off, flip them off even, but her voice just won’t come out. She covers her face with her bag and a hand, trying to walk as straight as she can. Her car should be close now, please be close now.

Some coach or another, she’s not sure, she’s not really seen him, appears to shoo the journalists away with little to no manner. Hongjoong is grateful when the air around her cleans up, gets lighter, gets more quiet. She bows her head as a thank you, it's Coach Lee, nods quickly when he asks her if she’s alright. He tries to grab her shoulder to assess it with his own eyes, probably, but Hongjoong’s instincts are quicker than her brain and she jumps back out of touch. And there it is, the pitiful look everyone has been sending her today. She’s done with this all already.

She runs to her car, starts driving without a real destination in mind. She’d go home, but what if those journalists are following her still? There’s nowhere she could go now. She turns around the city randomly, only feeling satisfied once it feels almost certain that there’s no one following her. How long has it been since she left the rink? She’s not sure, her phone forgotten somewhere in her bag so she won’t be bothered.

She drives home through a different road than the one she usually does and it probably takes her more than twice the time. She’s not sure she wants to go home, but she can’t really stay on the road as a wandering soul either.

She reaches her building at last, but there’s a stranger by the door and she can see Yeosang’s car, his kitchen window lit, and she just drives through, doesn’t stop. She can’t do it.

She drives in auto pilot, her brain listing all the places she could reach and stopping short after each of them because they’re just not it.

Is she trapped? She feels trapped in her car, but she could get out if her brain just settled on a place that feels safe enough for her to do it. What should that place look like for her to be alright with leaving the car? She can’t feel the air she’s breathing, but she must be or she wouldn’t still be able to drive. She needs to calm down.

A car honks her as she misses a right-of-way sign, she apologises with her hand but she hadn’t seen it at all. Where is she? She can recognise the area around her, but she doesn’t know how nor when she’d gotten there.

Most importantly, she shouldn’t be there. But her brain seems fixed on it, she feels herself calming down as the street gets more familiar each streetlight. She reaches the building and she parks the car at her usual spot. She gets out and she can feel the chill air reach her lungs, breathing getting a bit easier each passing second.

She really shouldn’t be here, that's the only thing Hongjoong can think about now, as she walks the last few steps separating her from the front door.

What is she even doing here? It's not like they're friends, right? That’s what she had said, anyway, and it’s true, they’re not. Sure, they kiss sometime. And they’ve explored each other’s bodies in a way she had hardly ever done with someone else. But still, they don’t usually talk about anything that isn’t the rink or the gym, God forbid they ever talk about themselves.

Probably that’s why, anyway, right? She’s here as her last resort.

She knocks twice before remembering that, actually, she should have called. What if Seonghwa’s with someone else? She could be at the gym taking up extra hours just to err on the side of conscious with her program. Or she could have already gone to bed, Hongjoong isn’t sure what time it is.

She shouldn’t be here.

She should have just gone to Yeosang’s. After all, that’s one of her closest friends, they’ve trained together countless of times, right? They’ve been together through thick and thin and he wouldn’t judge her, she knows for sure. But then what? What would they say? There’s enough eyes looking at her already, worried whispers already follow her and she doesn’t need more of that. Perhaps she should have gone to Mingi’s. Or Yunho’s. Even Jongho’s or San’s would have been better, even if they’re not that close.

Anywhere, but not here. Still, she knocks again.

“Who is it?” Seonghwa calls from the other side of the door and Hongjoong releases a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

“It’s Hongjoong,” she replies weakly, hating the way her voice almost falters on her name.

Is it Hongjoong there, really? Or is a copy, by now? Is she the same person she was before her mother had called her to ask about the news online? Is she the same Hongjoong she’d built herself as or is it the Hongjoong she used to be now so-many years ago? Which Hongjoong is standing in front of Seonghwa’s door?

Seonghwa opens the door halfway, only her head poking to the side. “Sorry, I was showering, I hadn’t heard you at all. Have you been waiting a lot?”

Doesn’t she know? is the only thought clouding Hongjoong’s brain and it almost makes her smile, but the thought of doing so makes her lip tremble and she feels tears pooling up in her eyes so she refrains from it. She shakes her head when she realises Seonghwa was waiting for an answer and almost blushes when she realises Seonghwa’s waiting for her to step inside.

“What brings you here?” Seonghwa closes the door behind her once she’s inside, looks at her only covered by the towel as if it’s not unusual for Hongjoong to be in her home with her basically naked.

Perhaps it’s not anymore, but then again, is Hongjoong even really Hongjoong now?

Hongjoong’s brain works overtime trying to find a response to the question because, really, what brings her here of all places? What was it that made her drive in this direction after all? Is it because she was the only one not looking at her as if they’re in pain, not her?

“Hongjoong, are you alright?” Seonghwa asks, a little worry slipping through her words. Hongjoong nods, once. Then nods again, trying to look more convinced, but she’s starting to feel her loss in the fight against her tears. “JJoong?”

“I had nowhere else to go,” she whispers, barely audible. It hurts to talk, her throat closing around each syllable. Her voice breaks and she hates it, almost as much as she hates the realisation crossing Seonghwa's face.

She can feel Seonghwa pull her along, lets her sit her down on the couch, lets her get close enough to touch. She can’t stand her eyes as Seonghwa lowly ask “Is it about the news? Is it true?”

Hongjoong lets her touch be comforting, actively seeks out her body heat. "I don't want to talk about it." It comes out harsher than she meant it to be, but she hopes Seonghwa doesn't care.

She sighs, smiles softly. "Alright. Alright, okay. Sure."

"I didn't know where to go. They're everywhere." She knows it came out of the blue as a comment, really, but even if she doesn't want to talk about that, this feels like a safe enough topic to entertain and distract her from her impellent need to cry. After all, Seonghwa has every right to know something, anything. This is her house Hongjoong has invaded.

"Who is?"

"I don’t understand why everyone cares so much. I can’t even be outside now, I can’t go home…" It’s too many words that she’s forced out, her throat hating each one of them.

"The journalists?" Hongjoong nods. She's glad for how they're sitting, so she doesn't have to look at her directly. "Were they at your place?"

Hongjoong shrugs, "Maybe. They were at the rink."

"Did they bother you?" Seonghwa seems upset. Hongjoong doesn't want her to be upset.

"No. They just… asked questions."

"About the news? Did you reply?"

Hongjoong shakes her head, "I don't want to talk about it. I have nothing to say to them."

"Did they insist?"

Hongjoong must have hesitated one second too long, because Seonghwa tenses up by her side. "No, no, it's okay," she replies at last.

"JJoong—"

"I don’t want to talk about this," Hongjoong cuts her short.

It effectively shuts Seonghwa up, "Okay. Have you had dinner yet?"

Hongjoong shakes her head, "'m not hungry."

"Well, I still have to eat too, so I'll just make more. If you then don't want it, I'll save it for tomorrow."

"Meal prep," Hongjoong comments plainly.

Seonghwa's smile can be heard in her voice when she replies, "Yes, meal prep."

In the end, she eats something. It's easy, it's tranquil. They put on Ice Princess on streaming to pass the evening and comment every time something seems too cringe.

Things almost feel normal. But Hongjoong feels the way Seonghwa looks at her every now and then, if Hongjoong's too quiet or the laugh comes a bit too late. She feels that and she hates it.

"What's bothering you?" Seonghwa asks, once the film is over.

Hongjoong ponders her question for a moment. There's a lot bothering her, really. The way everyone was commenting the news. Her phone that keeps beeping and dinging with the worried messages of her friends, even if she had said that she was alright. The betrayal she feels. Still, she only replies: "I don't want to go home tonight."

"You don't have to. Just stay here." She shrugs simply. "You have some of your things here, right? I even washed the pyjama, it's in the dryer."

Hongjoong lowers her head, "Really?"

Seonghwa shrugs, "It's not like you've never slept here."

"Right." She can't help but fidgeting. "I can take the couch if—"

"Why?" Seonghwa interrupts her before she can finish her thought.

"I know you only have one bed, so… I don't want to bother you more."

"You've already slept in my bed, JJoong," Seonghwa says softly.

Hongjoong bites her lip. "I know, but that was different."

"Was it?" Seonghwa ponders, "I think we were both sleeping just as we would now."

"Yes, but we had— the previous was different. And now I don't want—"

"You don't have to sleep in my bed if you don't feel comfortable, don't worry. But I genuinely only suggested it because it's more comfortable than this couch." Seonghwa stands up, stretches her back, turns off her TV.

"Are you sure you won't mind? I know you think we're not…"

Seonghwa turns around, a veil of something covering her eyes for a moment. "Whatever we are, I don't mind us sleeping in the same bed. You already struggle, you should at least struggle comfortably."

And that's not something Hongjoong can deny, even if it takes her off-guard that Seonghwa not only knows it, but also even seems to care about her sleeping issues.

"Alright. Thank you," she whispers, standing up as well.

Seonghwa smiles, albeit not as sweetly as she had before, "I'll go get ready for bed, you take your time." Hongjoong nods, moves around the house as if she knows it, as if she belongs in it. "We'll talk tomorrow."

For a moment, Hongjoong worries she won't sleep that night. Not with everything happening in her mind at the moment, not with the looming threat of talking the day after right on her head. Yet, as Seonghwa's breath gets more regular, her body heat more comforting, her arm reaching out in her sleep to hug her and ground her, Hongjoong finds herself dozing off peacefully.

⋆⁺₊❅。₊˚｡ ❆⛸❆⋆⁺₊˚。❅⁺₊⋆

Seonghwa wakes up to her phone vibrating on her night stand. She can feel Hongjoong sleeping by her side, so she replies quickly, hoping she doesn't wake up. She barely checks the time or the caller before picking it up.

"Hello?"

"Seonghwa? Hi, sorry, did I wake you up?" It's Yeosang, worry quite evident in his voice.

Seonghwa schools her voice to not sound too sleepy, "It's alright, what's up?"

"I'm sorry, I know it's night, it's just— have you seen Hongjoong? She's not picking—"

"She's here," Seonghwa replies softly, a hand going to gently play with Hongjoong's dark hair on her pillow. They're soft, it's something she always likes about it.

She can hear Yeosang's relief from the other side of the line, "Oh, thank God."

"I'm sorry, she'd said she had texted you about her whereabouts. Or I would have sent you a text," she says apologetically.

"It's alright. She had just said she was fine, not that she was with you. But she wasn't replying anymore and I didn't know she was somewhere, I thought she was driving or something. I was about to wake half the rink up."

Seonghwa keeps a chuckle as low as she can, Hongjoong moving beside her. "She's been here the whole evening."

"Is she really alright?"

"She's sleeping. She hasn't said anything, though, so I don't know," she whispers.

Hongjoong moves again, Seonghwa's instinctual reaction to soothe her petting her head. Hongjoong snuggles more closely, open an eye, speaks with a voice still permeated with sleep, "What's up?"

"Yeosang was checking in," Seonghwa replies with a little smile. "You can go back to sleep if you want."

Hongjoong rubs her eye, sits up to be on the same eye level as her, "What time is it?"

"It's past four," Yeosang supplies on the phone, before Seonghwa can check it for herself. She tells as much to Hongjoong.

She groans, sleepily cuddling up to Seonghwa's lap, "Tell him I'm sorry," she mumbles, "And to sleep. I'll call him when it becomes a more human time."

Seonghwa chuckles as she repeats it to Yeosang. She brushes Hongjoong's hair with her hand until she can hear Hongjoong relaxing again, her breathing getting more regular. She tells Yeosang not to worry, that Hongjoong had calmed down.

"Thank you, Hwa," Yeosang replies, "It means a lot."

"Of course, don't mention it," she says.

"I just don't get it. And on top of it she's… with you. What is going on with you two?"

Seonghwa scoffs, but she's not mean with it. Hopefully. "I wish I knew. But let's figure out one thing at a time."

"Just don't hurt her," Yeosang pleads, "She doesn't deserve it."

"I know," Seonghwa whispers, before wishing him a goodnight and hanging up.

She tries to fall asleep again, but it's not as easy as it had been when they'd gotten to bed previously. Hongjoong's sleep is more disturbed and she tosses around a little, almost slaps her hand away once, as Seonghwa lulls her.

She means it when she says they have to focus on one thing at a time, the priority being whatever has happened with Hongjoong at the previous rink. Then it's the trophy next week. Then, they could start thinking about whatever goes on between them. At least figuring out if they're friends or not would be nice, Seonghwa thinks.

In her sleepy haze, right before finally falling asleep again, she thinks she really doesn't mind it when Hongjoong sleeps with her and that she's somewhat happy she'd gone to her for comfort.

It doesn't mean anything. It really doesn't. But Hongjoong has other friends, yet she's there, snuggled up by her side.

It's nothing new, this has happened already, more than just once or twice. Hongjoong was right, it is different than usual. This is purposeful, this is intentional. More than just a "If you come over, stay the night. It's closer to the rink" type of intentional.

But it doesn't mean anything, they're barely friends. Seonghwa is alright with that. This was just a necessity Hongjoong had because there were journalists outside her house. That's all. Seonghwa's fine with it. So what? She likes waking up with Hongjoong and smelling her on her pillow still. Sometimes she remembers random bed-conversations with Hongjoong and blushes out of the blue. Breakfast tastes better when they share it. So what? Big deal. Seonghwa's fine with all of this not meaning anything.

Perhaps, if she thinks it enough times it becomes an absolute truth too. She does it until she falls asleep, Hongjoong's breathing pattern lulling her out of her vortex of thoughts. She dreams of daily cuddles in bed and dark hair to brush with her fingers.