Chapter Text
3rd September
Remus: Hey, is this Sirius? Marlene gave me your number
Sirius: Hi! Yes. She told me she might
Remus: God, I’m sorry. She doesn’t know how to mind her own business
Sirius: Ha. Never has. Known her practically my whole life and she’s a meddling little shit (I say affectionally)
Remus: Loll, at least it’s not just me.
Remus stared down at his phone and chewed on the inside of his lip. When he agreed to let Marlene set him up, he forgot all the awkwardness he had to push through before any of the real stuff came out. To make matters worse, they were doing it all over text. Remus wasn’t much of a pub-going individual, so he shot her down when she suggested they all meet up and get to know each other there. At his refusal, she suggested he and Sirius just go out to dinner, just the two of them, but the thought of it made Remus want to curl up and hide away forever.
He wasn’t necessarily opposed to dating, but it had been awhile. At least with texting he had an out. He could get a read on the guy before being stuck in a room with him.
Sirius: This is a bit awkward, isn’t it?
Remus: Just a bit…yes :-)
Remus: I thought it would be less awkward than going on a blind date but I suppose there’s no smooth way to talk to someone for the first time
Sirius: Hey! No worries xx
Remus watched the speech bubble appear and disappear a few times before he finally closed his phone with a groan. He tossed it to the side and glanced down at his lap, where Teddy still had his head resting peacefully against his thigh.
Remus reached down and gently stroked his hair, simultaneously checking for any signs of a fever. He had been home sick the last two days, but he seemed to be on the mend this morning.
“Daddy?”
“Hm?”
“Can I have something to eat?”
“Sure, love.” Remus let out a sigh of relief at the words. Teddy hadn’t had an appetite the last few days. “What do you want? I can make you some soup?”
“Tomato soup?”
“Mhm, I can do that. Can you sit up?”
Teddy nodded and pushed his achy body up, looking up at Remus with sleepy eyes. His cheek was red from where he had been laying, and his hair was a horrible mess of curls. Remus hadn’t bothered with a proper shower the last few days, but tonight he’d force the matter and wash Teddy’s hair.
“How are you feeling?”
“Tired.”
“I’m sorry, baby. I’ll make you some food, and let’s see if that helps, okay?”
“Okay.” The little boy yawned and let his body sink back down onto the couch, using his stuffed black dog as a pillow now that Remus’ lap was off the table.
Remus grabbed his phone again and pushed himself up carefully. He adjusted the belt holding his LVAD machine around his waist, pulling his sweater down to cover it the best he could. Although he’d had it for almost nine months, he still hadn’t gotten fully used to navigating a life around a machine. He had to change the way he slept, showered, and moved. It was odd, albeit life saving.
He made his way to the kitchen, opening the cupboards to find a packet of soup. Maybe a better father would’ve made homemade soup but, like Teddy, Remus was tired. He lived in a perpetual state of exhaustion, but the last few days had been tough. When Teddy was home sick and doing nothing but watching TV, Remus was too.
He pulled a pot out and dumped the sachet of soup in, his stomach dropping when he remembered the disappearing dots. Right. Sirius.
He pulled his phone out, expecting to see some sort of, “Hey, you’re too awkward for this. Bye!” message, but he was surprised to see Sirius’ actual response.
Sirius: Let’s break the ice. What’s the stupidest fact about yourself?
Remus: Stupidest?
Sirius: Yeah. It’s boring to start with your favorite color or what you do for a living. Tell me your stupidest fact.
Sirius: ( For the record, I would also love to hear your favorite color and occupation but…fact first ;) )
Sirius: I’ll start. My brother is left handed and I was so jealous of him when I was younger. I thought it was this super cool talent so I forced myself to be left handed too.
Remus: And?
Sirius: And what?
Remus: Did it work? Are you left handed?
Sirius: Ha! Fuck no. All my papers in school were a mess and my teacher had to send a letter home to my parents. I got in trouble after that and had to promise to start writing with my correct hand again.
Remus: Damn. Just when I was starting to think you were cool ://
Sirius: Hey now!!! :-( Go on then, what’s yours?
Remus: Hmm…I thought dragons were real until I was seventeen
Sirius: Oh Remus…
Remus: I know! I know!!
Remus: Listen…I was homeschooled and didn’t have a ton of friends so I spent most of my time reading. I read so much fantasy I just assumed they were real. I brought it up to one of my friends and she looked at me like I was the dumbest person alive.
Remus: I’ve never heard someone laugh so much before. She laughed so hard she nearly passed out
Sirius: That must’ve been very humbling for you
Remus: It was, thank you!
Sirius: I’m so glad I could help you relive this fantastic memory! See, this is much better than being forced to have an awkward date in an overcrowded pub or loud restaurant.
Remus: Yeah, yeah…whatever…
Remus was grinning widely at his phone, shocking himself by his own reaction. His cheeks were flushed, as if he had been caught doing something bad, and he shoved his phone back into his pocket.
He stirred the soup on the stove and tried his hardest to ignore the small swarm of butterflies living giddily in his stomach.
*
“Did you do it, then?”
“Do what?” Remus had just put Teddy down to sleep, exhaustion weighing him down. Although it was only a quarter to 8, he was considering climbing into bed to sleep, too.
“C’mon, Lupin. You know what.”
“Did I text the mysterious Sirius Black’s number you forced upon me against my will?”
“Yup!”
Remus could practically see Marlene’s grin through the phone.
“I did, yes.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“God, Remus! You’re worse than him.”
“Why? What did he say? Did you two talk about me?”
Marlene laughed at this, followed by a groan.
“See, I was right. You two are perfect for each other. Both lovesick puppies already.”
“I’m not—” Remus sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. He rubbed his temple and rolled his eyes. “We’ve been talking for like…four hours. I’m not lovesick-anything.”
Just plain old sick sick, Remus thought unhelpfully.
“Well, do you like him?”
“Sure.”
“Remus,” she whined.
“Do I think he’s funny and has a witty personality? Yes. Did I stalk him on Instagram and find out this man is model-gorgeous? Also yes. Have we been talking non-stop for four hours? Surprisingly…yes. Do I like him romantically? How the fuck should I know. I need to at least meet him in person before making any huge romantic decisions.”
“‘Huge romantic decision,’ he says. You’re so dramatic. Just go on a date with him. It’s not like you’re considering marriage with him. Just go with the flow, let yourself enjoy this.”
Remus dropped his hands from his face and chewed on the inside of his cheek. He wasn’t asking for marriage, no, but he didn’t have the type of life where he could go with the flow and be casual. He had a kid, he had past baggage, and he had a heart that was a ticking time bomb.
“Marls, you know that it’s not that easy for me.”
Marlene was silent for a moment before continuing on. “I know, love.” Her words took a serious shift. Marlene was Remus’ best friend, and he told her everything. She had been with him through the birth of Teddy and death of Tonks. She had been with him through his heart failure and surgery. She had been with him during his recovery in the hospital. She had seen his worst and still saw the best in him.
Remus wasn’t necessarily lonely, but he wouldn’t mind a partner. Marlene knew this and did her best to help him find someone. After a few failed blind dates, Remus swore off agreeing to let her help. When she offered him Sirius’ number, Remus rolled his eyes. She knew him better than anyone though, so he took the risk and sent the first text.
“Sirius is different though, okay?”
“How?”
“He’s not an asshole, for one.” Remus smiled at this, though didn’t interrupt. “He would never judge you for your health things. He’d support you and respect your boundaries. He has his own shit too, he gets it,” Marlene continued on. “And he loves kids. He’s godfather to our friend’s son, and I swear I’ve never seen him as happy as when he’s with Harry. He’d never make you choose him over Teddy.”
Remus had been on a few dates with a guy who was mad he spent so much time with his son. He wanted Remus’ full attention, and that wasn’t possible. Teddy came first; he always did and always would.
“Just…give him a chance, okay? I know your concerns and can practically hear your thoughts from here, but please give him a shot. He’s a good guy, Remus, and he’s really enjoyed talking to you.”
“Yeah?”
“Mhm…can’t share details, but he texted me some very gooey and gay things already.”
Remus blushed again, biting back a smile. He hadn’t known Sirius very long, but he already felt giddy at the idea of talking to him some more.
“Right…”
“I’m quite jealous, actually. It’s been ages since I’ve talked to anyone I’m remotely interested in.”
Remus perked up at this, a smile tugging on his lips. “Actually, I have a friend I think you’d get on with quite well.”
“Yeah? This isn’t just some payback for all the shite dates I’ve accidentally led you on.”
“No. Her name is Mary, she’s a coworker of mine. She reminds me a lot of you, actually. You have a lot of similar interests.”
“Is she gay?”
“No, Marls. I’m setting you up with a straight girl.” Remus rolled his eyes, though she couldn’t see. “Please give me some credit.”
“Fine, fine. Send me her number, but if this goes horribly, I’m going to be cross with you.”
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” Remus yawned and let out a deep sigh. “Listen, I’ve got to go. I’m going back to work in the morning and have to drop Teds off at daycare before.”
“It’s only 8pm. How—”
“Night, Marlene!”
“Goodnight, grandpa.”
Remus chuckled and ended the call, going to his texts next.
Remus: Is it too early to go to bed?
Sirius: Socially speaking, a little, but who cares. If I could sleep right now I think I would, too.
Remus: Why can’t you?
Sirius: I’m babysitting my godson. He’s allowed to stay up until 9 now and his parents won’t be home until 11
Remus: You’re brave, I don’t think I could even stay up till 9 these days
Remus set his phone to the side and pushed himself up off his bed. He was tempted to skip a shower and bypass the whole ordeal of it all, but he knew he’d feel better in the morning for having one. Plus, the idea of the day’s germs getting into bed sort of grossed him out.
He made his way to the bathroom and stripped from his clothes, careful not to tug on the tube coming from his side. He looked at his naked form in the bathroom, running his hands down his scarred and battered chest. Most of his scars came from surgery, but he had a few random ones that he accrued over the years from random events. He had one across his nose and one down his eyebrow, from when he crashed head first into a wall on his bike. He had a nasty scar on his arm from accidentally burning himself on the edge of the stove he thought had cooled down. He had a few self-inflicted ones on his thighs, and a few accidental ones on his legs from being a clumsy child.
He hated the way his body looked, the way the scars deformed him. It was a physical reminder he was sick. The tube sticking out of his body and the battery packs hanging from around his waist didn’t help, either, but at last those weren’t permanent. Hopefully.
Though he wasn’t high on the list, he still firmly believed he’d get a transplant before his weak heart got the better of him. The LVAD had helped a lot and, as long as he was careful, he didn’t think his heart would give out on him before he got a new one.
Maybe he was delusional. Most likely. He hadn’t had the best of luck, medically speaking, so he wasn’t sure if this would be any different.
He moved his gaze from his scars to the little gold necklace with a T charm around his neck, which he never took off. He finally pulled his eyes away from his reflection and began the process of getting his LVAD parts safely in the waterproof bag before stepping into the shower and hanging it up on his shower hook.
The water was hot against his body, but it felt heavenly on his aching bones. Though he wasn’t excited to wake up early, he was excited to get some fresh air and interact with people other than a four year old.
Despite not wanting to shower, he took his time once he was in. He washed his hair and used his fancy body soap, leaving only when the hot water began to run warm.
*
In bed, Remus plugged his battery packs into their charger and grabbed his phone. It was only 8:30, but he was okay with that. He didn’t think his sick body could stay up much longer, anyway.
Sirius: Should I let you go for the night?
Remus: No.
Sirius: No?
Remus: …okay yes. I want to talk more but I need to sleep.
Sirius: I’ll be here tomorrow.
Remus: Okay :) Goodnight Sirius
Sirius: Goodnight Remus xx