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The water was cold but not unpleasant, rippling softly under the rays of the summer sun. Jian Yi and Zhengxi were further out, trying to wrestle each other off an inflatable tube, their laughter echoing across the quiet lake. He Tian floated nearby, arms spread, staring up at the blue sky with that lazy content smile.
The cabin was just up the hill. The four of them had planned out their vacation to the letter. Hiking, swimming, and dinner by the lake, just like old times. They had the place to themselves for the next three weeks, courtesy of He Cheng who graciously, and under some duress, lent them the family’s cabin. Fully furnished and air conditioned rooms, a stocked kitchen, and of course, the crystal blue lake surrounded by green vibrant trees for as far as the eye could see.
Guan Shan swam close to shore, about to call it a day and head in to make them lunch. He took a step, intending to wade back toward the dock, but stopped short. A sharp sting flared through him, delayed and then immediate and demanding. He looked down, seeing the muted red thread through the murky water.
“Fuck,” he said through a sharp inhale. It hurt, it really hurt. That couldn’t be good.
He lifted his foot out of the water. Blood poured fast, too fast, billowing out in clouds that swallowed the shallows until he couldn’t even see where the cut began. His stomach dropped. His head spun, dizzy at the sight, at the sheer amount of red. Too much. Way too much. Something sharp. Metal? Glass? He didn’t know, but it had sliced him clean and deep. His chest tightened. Shit. What do I do? What the fuck do I do?
He looked up to the bank and tried to take a step but muffled a cry as his foot took to the weight.
He Tian was upright at the first sound. “Hey!” His voice cut through the air. He caught sight of Guan Shan standing still near the bank of the lake. “Guan Shan? What happened?”
“I’m fine,” Guan Shan shouted back over his shoulder, hobbling to the edge and trying to keep pressure off of his foot.
He Tian didn’t wait, swimming in long strides until the water was shallow enough to stand. He moved quickly, water splashing at his sides as he ran towards him. His eyes dropped to the blood in the water surrounding him as he approached making his heart lurch. “What the fuck happened!”
Guan Shan swayed slightly, pain spiking as he tried to balance.
He Tian pushed in faster, grabbing his side.
“Fuck, He Tian, it’s fine,” Guan Shan said through gritted teeth.
He Tian dipped down and hooked his arm around Guan Shan’s knees, hoisting him out of the water. He dragged him up out of the lake and onto the dock above. They were both dripping wet and blood gushed from the wound, spilling all over the wooden panels.
“Sit and stay still,” He Tian barked as he sat him down. He scrambled for their things, looking around for a way to stop the bleeding.
From out on the lake Jian Yi and Zhengxi noticed the commotion. “Yo! What’s going on?!” Jian Yi shouted from the water.
Guan Shan shook his head, ignoring them. It was okay, it had to be okay. “It’s fine!” he said, waving them off.
“Like hell it's fine,” He Tian grumbled, giving up on his frantic search to find something clean. He grabbed his own shirt from his pile of clothes and dropped to his knees. He pressed the wadded fabric hard against the bleeding foot.
“Fuck,” Guan Shan hissed, breath catching from the sting.
“You’re bleeding a lot,” He Tian said, eyes narrowed, mouth tight. “Where’s your towel? We need to wrap it.”
“It’s just a cut.”
“We have no idea what cut you and you’re dripping blood all over the dock. Shut up and let me do this.” He Tian tied the shirt tight around the foot, then looked up. He knew the look on Guan Shan’s face, stubborn as ever. “You’re not walking on that, so don’t even think about it.”
Before Guan Shan could argue, He Tian moved one hand around his back and the other under his legs, lifting him up once more.
“What the fuck–”
“Don’t care, don’t wanna hear it.” He Tian said back.
The others were still looking at them, Zhengxi calling something out as they left the dock that they couldn’t quite catch.
“He’s fine! I’ve got him!” He Tian yelled back.
Guan Shan looked down to find the shirt tied to his foot already becoming stained with blood. “Ruined a good shirt for no reason.”
“Will you just let me help you?” He Tian said somewhat exasperated, adjusting Guan Shan in his arms. “Here, get the door.”
Guan Shan reached out and twisted the handle of the front door and He Tian opened it up the rest of the way with his foot. He carried him through the kitchen and up the stairs to their room, dripping water the whole way.
Once they reached their bedroom, He Tian set him gently on the edge of the bed, grabbing the first aid kit from the bathroom. He peeled off the blood-soaked shirt, wincing as he got a better look.
Guan Shan was beginning to feel lightheaded, bracing himself up with his arm on the bed. He looked away from the blood, swallowing hard to keep his voice from shaking. “We’re getting everything wet. Look at the carpet, a-and the comforter.”
He Tian steadied him with a hand on his thigh. “Hold still, and don’t worry about the mess.”
Guan Shan grumbled something under his breath but didn’t move. The sting of disinfectant made him hiss. He Tian was methodical, hands steady, touch surprisingly gentle. His brows were furrowed in concentration, a crease between them.
“You’re too calm about this,” He Tian muttered. “You should’ve yelled. Should’ve called for me.”
“I said I was fine. I had it handled.”
“Why am I getting deja-vu?” He shook his head. “You’re never fine, but especially not when you’re insisting that you are.”
They fell quiet. He Tian finished wrapping the bandage and stayed kneeling in front of him, hands steady, the tension between them anything but. His palm lingered at Guan Shan’s ankle, thumb brushing once, almost absently, but the way it felt made Guan Shan tense without meaning to.
“Thanks,” Guan Shan said, voice quiet.
He Tian looked up at him. “Yeah,” he said, quiet, almost cautious. Then, softer, “I wish you’d depend on me more.”
Guan Shan shifted his eyes away, but didn’t pull back.
“Hey, look at me.”
Guan Shan shook his head, so He Tian took action. His hand slid slowly upward, from ankle to shin, warm fingers dragging over damp skin. When he reached the bend of Guan Shan’s knee, he paused. Testing, waiting.
Guan Shan’s breath was fast. He Tian watched as his chest rose and fell. He leaned up and took Guan Shan’s jaw in his fingers, dragging him back.
“You okay?” he murmured.
Amber eyes glinted back at him.
“There you are. Don’t hide from me. I’m not mad, I was just worried.”
Guan Shan nodded, just barely.
He Tian dropped his hand and leaned in. His lips softly brushed just above the bandage, careful and sweet, then higher. A press of a kiss at the inside of Guan Shan’s knee. Then another, further up. His hand followed the path, trailing up his thigh, slow and reverent like he couldn’t help it.
Guan Shan made a small sound in the back of his throat, something between a breath and a curse. His hands clenched the blanket under him. He didn’t stop him. Couldn’t even think about stopping him.
He Tian paused again, lips resting just against the curve of skin, dangerously close now. He looked up one last time, happy to find Guan Shan’s eyes still on him. He shifted higher, putting one hand on each side of the bed around him. And when he kissed him, it was slow. Gentle. Just their mouths moving, nothing frantic. Guan Shan tilted forward instinctively, fingers brushing He Tian’s shoulder, then his jaw. It was the kind of kiss that could get away from them if they weren’t careful, and they weren’t being careful.
Guan Shan was the first to break it, pulling back as if suddenly remembering what he was doing. His eyes were glassy and his heart was hammering. His thigh still tingled where He Tian had kissed him. Reality returned in fragments. The sting of the bandage, the faint smell of sunscreen, the wet shorts sticking to both of them.
He Tian froze at the shift. His chest ached with disappointment, sharp and brief, the kind he was starting to recognize. It happened whenever Guan Shan pulled back, whenever they got close enough for him to believe maybe this time it would go further. He knew better than to push. It wasn’t about that. But still, it stung. He wanted more, wanted him, and the constant stops left him restless, like he was chasing something that kept slipping out of reach.
He tamped it down as fast as it came. Guan Shan was hurt. That mattered more.
“Sorry,” He Tian said, pulling back. His voice was quiet, careful. “Bad timing.”
Guan Shan didn’t answer right away, just looked down at his foot. The bandage was soaked through again, red blooming out through the fabric.
“Shit,” He Tian said under his breath. “It’s still bleeding.”
Guan Shan blinked, as if waking up. “You wrapped it tight though.”
“It should’ve stopped by now.”
There was a pause, one of those heavy ones where everything in the room held still.
“Okay,” He Tian said, already standing. “We’re going to the hospital.”
Guan Shan flinched like he’d been struck. “Wait, no. We don’t need to—”
“Guan Shan, I think you need stitches.”
“Let’s just try wrapping it again, or I-I don’t know, put pressure on it.”
“You’re not seriously arguing about this with me right now.”
Guan Shan looked down at him, hesitating.
He Tian sighed. He knew Guan Shan well enough to guess what it was about. “C’mon. Spit it out.”
“I can’t afford—”
“You hurt yourself on my family’s property. That makes it my responsibility,” He Tian said firmly. “So we’re going. End of discussion.”
The next thing Guan Shan knew they were in the car back through the woods until they reached the closest hospital.
They sat in the emergency room for hours. The fluorescent lights buzzed overhead. The waiting room was too cold, the chairs too plastic, the walls too white.
Guan Shan sat hunched, his foot propped on a spare chair, still wrapped in the makeshift bandage. He held a clipboard in his lap, pen tapping against the edge. Name, date of birth, address, and finally emergency contact.
He stared at the empty line. Who the hell was he supposed to put? He glanced at He Tian in his peripheral. He had gotten better at reading him. Most would never guess how antsy he was with that stone cold calm expression. But he could see it. The bounce in his leg, the clenched jaw, the arms crossed tight over his chest.
He looked back down at the line, tapping his pen one more time before scrawling down He Tian’s name and number. It wasn’t like anyone else could come.
More time passed and the bandage on his foot began to drip drops of red blood. He felt equal parts lightheaded and nauseous. Across the room, He Tian returned from the hallway with another paper cup of water and a stack of paper towels.
“You okay?” He asked as he set the paper towels under Guan Shan’s foot on the chair.
“Peachy.”
They didn’t talk after that.
He Tian scrolled aimlessly through his phone, but barely seemed to register what he was looking at. Every few minutes, he’d glance up to check on him. Guan Shan kept his eyes locked on the linoleum tiles, trying not to think about the pulse in his foot or how weird it was to be sitting in an ER like this with He Tian, looking at him like he mattered.
Eventually, his name was called. He stood on his one good foot and awkwardly pushed the chair away. When He Tian moved to help, Guan Shan waved him off before he could grab him again. “I got it. Just wait here.”
The stitches hurt more than he expected. Ten of them, clean and tight. The nurse told him to stay off it for a few days, and offered crutches which he refused.
He Tian’s face lit up the second he spotted him coming down the hall. His frown softened into something like relief. He stood quickly and would have probably picked him up right then and there if not for the glare of warning. So, instead he took his arm and helped support his weight.
Up close, Guan Shan caught the lingering smell of smoke clinging to his shirt. It made his nose wrinkle, but he didn’t comment. Not now.
Neither of them said much on the way back to the car, but the silence wasn’t strained. Just... quiet.
The cabin was still and dim when they returned. Jian Yi and Zhengxi had already gone to bed, lights off, and the front door locked. He Tian kept close, guiding him up the stairs slow and steady, one step at a time.
Inside the bathroom, He Tian flicked on the light and set the plastic hospital-issued foot cover on the counter. Then he crouched again in front of him, same position as earlier, and reached for his ankle with careful hands.
“You should shower,” he said. “You haven’t had a chance since the lake. I know it’s probably uncomfortable.”
Guan Shan leaned his shoulder against the doorframe, fatigue finally catching up to him. “I’m fine,” he said like an automated response.
“You’ve been bleeding, sweating, limping around in wet shorts for hours. You’re not fine.”
“Yeah, yeah. Sorry, I’m just… tired. A shower would be nice.”
He Tian pulled the plastic cover from the bag and started adjusting it over Guan Shan’s foot. “You can’t get the stitches wet.”
“Obviously.”
“I’m serious.” He Tian held up the bag. “Foot in here. Tight at the top. We’ll use tape.”
“Got it.”
“You think you can stand?”
“I’ll be fine.”
He Tian hesitated. “It’s plastic. You slip, it’s game over.”
Guan Shan raised an eyebrow.
“We should just shower together,” He Tian said. “In case.”
Guan Shan snorted. “What, for safety?”
“Yes, for safety.” He Tian answered with a small smile.
Guan Shan stared at him for a long moment then looked away, ears a little red. “Do whatever you want. I don’t care.”
The shower was quiet. Steam curled up and around them, clinging to the ceiling, fogging the mirror, and softening the edges of everything. The small bathroom felt even smaller now, the walls pulled in close around their bare skin.
He Tian helped him step in, careful not to let the water hit the plastic boot more than it needed to. He adjusted the showerhead, angling it away and testing the heat on his palm. Then he stepped in behind him, close but not too close, letting the glass door click shut.
Guan Shan stared ahead at the tiled wall, his back to He Tian and arms crossed over his chest as if that would make him feel less exposed.
He Tian didn’t try anything. Didn’t touch him unless it was necessary. He was careful, infuriatingly so. He rinsed his own hair, ran his fingers through it, lathered soap down his arms and chest in long, unhurried sweeps. Guan Shan tried not to look, but he saw him anyway. Couldn’t not.
Before he knew it he was turned around catching less than subtle glances. The water ran down He Tian’s back in clean lines, catching on the curve of his spine, pooling briefly in the dip of his collarbone before slipping down his chest. His shoulders flexed with each movement, strong and sure. His jaw was slick and shining, and his eyelashes clumped together in the steam.
Guan Shan turned his face away, cheeks hot. He blamed the water. The temperature. Anything but the real reason. He struggled to clean his own hair and skin, balancing on his one good foot and half trying to keep himself covered.
They didn’t speak more than somewhat awkward small talk and passing of soaps and shampoos. The steady patter of water and the soft squeak of soap moving over skin filled in the rest. But beneath it, there was a buzz in Guan Shan’s chest. Like his body hadn’t caught up to his brain. Like it was reacting to something he hadn’t said yet. Something he didn’t know how to say.
They’d done stuff before. They’d touched. Been stupid and reckless and breathless in dark bedrooms and parked cars. They’d kissed with teeth, with hands in each other’s jeans, with barely contained heat under the surface. But none of it made this easier.
Because this wasn’t frantic or fast. It wasn’t fueled by adrenaline or impulse. This was quiet. Vulnerable. There was nowhere to hide.
Guan Shan glanced at him again and found He Tian looking away. Respectful. Still close enough to feel the heat radiating off his body. That made it worse, somehow, because part of him wanted to cross the space between them. To reach out, curl a hand around He Tian’s arm, pull him in. He wanted the comfort of touch, the distraction from pain, the illusion that maybe none of this had scared him as much as it did.
But instead, he fiddled with the shampoo bottle, awkward and tense, unsure what to do with himself.
He Tian finally broke the silence, turning back around to face him, voice low, like he didn’t want to startle him. “Here, let me.”
He reached slowly, taking the bottle from his hands. Guan Shan let him, though he was sure He Tian could tell how tense he was.
He Tian poured the shampoo into his palm and hesitated, glancing up as if giving him one last chance to change his mind. Guan Shan only turned his back to him.
He Tian’s eyes wandered despite himself, down the slope of his shoulders, the curve of his spine. He took a breath and lathered the shampoo between his palms before sliding his hands into Guan Shan’s hair. His fingers were firm but careful, massaging the shampoo into his scalp in quiet circles.
He moved down his neck, pausing to rinse, then repeated with the conditioner. Guan Shan stayed as still as a statue, until the last of it was washed away. Even when he was finished, He Tian couldn’t bring himself to remove his hands, brushing his fingers against Guan Shan’s flushed skin just slow enough to make him shiver.
Guan Shan didn’t dare move. Didn’t say anything. Just let it happen. Grateful, and irritated at himself for being grateful. Grateful, and more irritated still that He Tian didn’t tease, didn’t smirk, didn’t say a word. That kind of restraint was rare for him, and it almost made Guan Shan want to turn around and shake him.
Because maybe it was stupid, maybe it was too much, but Guan Shan couldn’t take it anymore. The closeness, the heat, all that uncharacteristic patience. It wound him tighter with every second, until it was unbearable.
He turned, leaning his back to the tile. “You’re so fucking polite,” he muttered, trying to sound annoyed, but it came out too quiet.
“Would you rather I be rude?” He Tian replied without missing a beat.
“No.” Guan Shan glanced down, then up again. “I just don’t know what to do with you when you’re like this.”
He Tian tilted his head slightly. “Like what?”
“Treating me like I’m going to fucking break,” Guan Shan muttered.
“You looked like you were going to.”
“I’m not.” He straightened up, jaw tight. “I’m fine.”
“I know.” He Tian’s voice was even.
“I hate being taken care of,” Guan Shan added for good measure.
“I know that too.”
The water kept running. He Tian took a slow step back and rinsed the soap from his hands, saying nothing more. He didn’t reach out again, didn’t press. And that, somehow, made Guan Shan feel even more raw. Like he’d undressed emotionally and no one had asked him to.
He Tian turned off the water and opened the shower door. He reached for a towel and handed it over.
Guan Shan took it with a clipped, “Thanks.”
He Tian stepped out first and gave him room. Didn’t look back, didn’t even try to sneak another peek.
Guan Shan stood there another second, dripping, towel clutched in one hand, heart pounding in a way that had nothing to do with his foot.
“Polite and distant now,” he muttered under his breath. “Fucking great.”
He Tian didn’t hear him. Or maybe he did, but chose not to answer.
Guan Shan dried off roughly and clumsily, working to not put pressure on his foot. His skin was flushed and his expression was unreadable as he limped past He Tian into the bedroom.
He Tian didn’t push him, opting to give him some space. They got dressed and Guan Shan took a couple of painkillers with a glass of water before throwing himself into bed, back turned and shoulders tense even as he lay down. He Tian offered to help wrap the foot again, but Guan Shan just grunted and said to leave it. He was already half gone by the time He Tian got in bed next to him. He was careful not to move too much, just listening as Guan Shan’s breath evened out into a slow pace. He was dead asleep within minutes, understandably after the day they had.
He Tian stayed awake far longer than he wanted to, staring at the ceiling and wondering what the hell he was doing wrong. Was the kiss earlier a mistake? He wasn't sure why they suddenly felt like they were standing on opposite sides of something invisible. He hadn’t tried anything again, not since the kiss earlier. Not since the way Guan Shan had looked at him in the shower, red-cheeked and biting. He’d thought he was doing the right thing by backing off, not making it worse. Now he wasn’t so sure.
Maybe it was the pain. The foot. The embarrassment. He hoped that Guan Shan wasn’t having regrets about coming up to the cabin with him, sharing a room together, showering together, any of it. He had seen this mood before. Irritation, touch aversion, walls up for no reason. He was being guarded and dodgy. The old him, before they had started dating, would have picked at it, poked and prodded until Guan Shan snapped and the truth was out. But, he was trying to be different now. So, he didn’t ask, didn’t push. Just backed off no matter how hard it was to keep his eyes and hands to himself.
Eventually he drifted off. The sun was already filtering through the curtains when he woke up again. The house smelled faintly like toast, lakewater, and detergent. They made breakfast as a group which consisted mostly of Jian Yi poking fun at everyone’s cooking skills and Zhengxi pretending to care. It was easier with the others. A distraction from the slight awkwardness between them.
Guan Shan moved stiffly, his foot freshly wrapped up. He hadn’t said much, just ate his food quietly and mindlessly, watching Jian Yi’s antics with mild amusement.
He Tian watched him out of habit. Guan Shan could feel his eyes on him. A constant he was still getting used to. He knew he should say something, apologize or thank him or something. Anything to ease the weirdness he was feeling. But he was too far in his own head, worrying that He Tian would be annoyed with him for ruining the trip, for turning him down yesterday, for needing him to pay the bill. He knew better. He knew He Tian wasn’t like that. But what if he eventually got tired? What if he realized what a mess Guan Shan really was?
After breakfast they all headed down to the lake again. Jian Yi and Zhengxi started blowing up floaties like children. Guan Shan settled in a lounge chair beneath the trees, bandaged foot propped up and arms crossed.
“You want me to stay up here?”
“No,” Guan Shan muttered, already reaching for his earbuds. “You can go. It’s okay.”
“You sure? I don’t have to—”
“I said go.”
He Tian hesitated, then peeled off his shirt and headed for the water. He gave one last look over his shoulder before stepping into the lake.
He didn’t go far. The water lapped lazily at the shore, but his thoughts were still back with the person he’d left behind. He waded over to the spot where Guan Shan had cut his foot the day before, scanning the shallows. Something glinted under the surface. He crouched, reached down, and cursed.
He picked it up, a jagged shard of glass, thick and green. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” He threw it onto the dock and climbed out, cussing under his breath.
“Everything okay?” Zhengxi called, glancing over.
“My brother and Qiu must have had one of their dumbass parties here last month. Bet someone tossed a beer bottle off the dock and didn’t clean it up.”
Zhengxi frowned. “That’s messed up.”
“Yeah. I’m gonna kill him.”
He Tian walked back up to the hill and dumped the glass in a garbage can, still fuming. How could his brother have been so careless! He passed by Guan Shan on his way back down and paused, about to say something, but Guan Shan had his eyes closed and earbuds in. Asleep, or at least pretending to be. He Tian liked to think it was real. He liked seeing his features so relaxed.
He wanted this trip to be fun for them, and instead, Guan Shan had gotten hurt. Hurt because of his family’s negligence.
The sun had shifted, pulling the shade away. Leaves cast patterns across Guan Shan’s skin, freckles dappled and warm. The tank top he wore showed the clusters along his shoulders, and for a second, He Tian wanted to sit down beside him. Make him laugh. Share a joke at Zhengxi and Jian Yi’s expense.
But he knew how that would look. Guan Shan would just see it as him missing out on the “fun” because of him, and that would make him feel worse. So He Tian kept walking.
A while later, Zhengxi came to take a break from the water, toweling off his face and collapsing in a chair beside Guan Shan with a groan. “Fuck, it’s hot.”
Guan Shan startled slightly, opening his eyes to find Zhengxi sitting next to him. He pulled out one earbud. “Yeah,” he said, voice a little rough.
Zhengxi leaned back. “How’s the foot?”
“It’s fine, more or less. It’s really not a big deal. Just kinda sucks.”
Zhengxi nodded, looking like he was debating whether to say something else. Guan Shan waited, unsure how to fill the quiet. He’d never been great at one-on-one with Zhengxi.
Finally, Zhengxi spoke. “He Tian lost it a bit yesterday. You know that, right?”
Guan Shan turned his head, frowning. “What do you mean?”
“I mean,” Zhengxi said, stretching his legs out, “he texted me while you were at the hospital. Kept asking how long it usually takes. If it was normal. If they were making you wait too long. Thought maybe they’d missed your name or you’d passed out in the back room or something.”
Guan Shan blinked, caught off guard. “Oh.”
“Yeah.” Zhengxi shrugged, like it was nothing, even though it didn’t feel like nothing. “Just thought you should know.”
He leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes.
Guan Shan sat there, the warmth of the sun suddenly feeling heavier. He wasn’t sure if he felt better or worse for knowing.
When Jian Yi and He Tian came back up from the water, He Tian was sun-warm and grinning, flicking droplets at Jian Yi until Jian Yi squealed and kicked water back at him. Loose, playful, hair dripping into his eyes.
He stepped over to Guan Shan’s chair, a shadow falling over him as water dripped onto his shirt.
“Careful, asshole,” Guan Shan muttered, shifting his body away.
He Tian chuckled. “Relax, it’s just water.”
Jian Yi bounded over to Zhengxi, hair sticking up wildly. “Xixi, I’m thirsty!”
“There are drinks in the kitchen,” Zhengxi said, eyes still shut.
“But they’re so far.”
Zhengxi sighed and pushed himself up, brushing grass from his damp shorts. “Let’s go, your highness.”
The two disappeared toward the cabin, still bickering. He Tian took Zhengxi’s empty seat, leaning forward with his forearms resting on his knees.
“I wish you could’ve been swimming with us,” he said. “It’s not as fun without you.”
Guan Shan kept his gaze on the water. His first instinct was to tell him to go back in. Not to waste his time sitting here babysitting. He didn’t want to be the reason He Tian missed out. Didn’t want him to look back at this trip and remember it as the weekend Guan Shan screwed up. “You don’t have to sit here with me. Go back in.”
“I want to sit here with you.”
That earned him only a shrug. What was he supposed to say to that? Thanks for the pity?
“You’ve been quiet today,” He Tian said after a moment. Not accusing, just stating it.
“I’m fine.”
“Yeah, you’ve been saying that a lot.” He Tian glanced at him, then back at the lake. “Wouldn’t it be nice if it was just the two of us here? No noise, no distractions.”
Guan Shan’s eyes narrowed slightly. His brain jumped to the worst. Just the two of us. No one else around. Of course. So we could fuck and not be interrupted? He bit his lip. “Why?”
“So we could actually hang out,” He Tian said. “Just… spend time together. Do whatever we want.”
“We are hanging out,” Guan Shan pointed out flatly.
He Tian gave him a look, the kind that didn’t need words. Yes, technically they were, but not in the way he wanted. Not when Guan Shan spent half the time closed off and unreadable. Not when it felt like pulling teeth to get him to enjoy himself.
Guan Shan didn’t answer. His jaw worked as he looked away. He knew he was being an ass, but it was easier than asking what he really wanted to know. If He Tian had only invited him here for one reason. If he was disappointed it hadn’t happened yet between them.
He Tian studied him for a bit longer, trying to read the shift in his mood. “Feels like something’s bothering you,” he said carefully.
“It’s nothing.” Only, it was everything on his mind. He just didn’t know how to tell him without sounding horribly pathetic and insecure.
“Okay,” He Tian said softly, and left it there.
They sat in silence after that, watching the water move under the wind, neither willing to take the first step toward closing the space between them.
It was Zhengxi and Jian Yi’s turn to cook dinner so He Tian and Guan Shan went upstairs to relax and shower. The lake breeze drifted through the open window, the sound of cicadas humming in the air. Guan Shan sat propped up against the pillows while He Tian showered, scrolling aimlessly on his phone when it lit up with Mom.
He hesitated a second before answering. “Hi, Ma.”
“Ah, Guan Shan. How’s the trip?” Her voice was warm and bright, and it tugged at him.
“It’s… good,” he said, trying to keep it light. He didn’t want to worry her. “We’re having fun.” The guilt from earlier crept in. He hadn’t exactly been good company.
“You sound tired. Are you eating well?”
He smiled faintly. “Yeah. It’s great but—” He swallowed. “Please don’t freak out, but I had a little accident.”
“What? What happened?” Her tone jumped immediately, full of alarm.
“It’s fine,” he said quickly. “I just cut my foot in the lake yesterday. Needed a few stitches.”
“A few stitches? Guan Shan, you should be in the hospital!”
“I was,” he cut in. “He Tian actually went with me.”
There was a breath and her voice softened with relief. “That He Tian. Such a good boy. I like him very much."
The praise made his throat tighten. He pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth, willing himself not to crack. “Yeah,” he said quietly.
She was silent for a moment. Nothing got past her. “Sweetheart. Do you want to come home early?”
“No.” He shook his head, even though she couldn’t see him. “No. I’m fine. Really.”
The door creaked open and He Tian stepped in, hair still damp from the shower. Guan Shan quickly swiped at his eyes and shifted the phone.
“Who’s that?” his mom asked.
“He Tian,” he said.
“Tell her I said hi!” He Tian called from across the room, grinning.
She laughed. “Hello, He Tian.”
“I should go,” Guan Shan murmured, his voice still thick. “I’ll call you later.”
Once the call ended, He Tian crossed to the bed, his grin softening as he took in Guan Shan’s expression.
“How’s it feeling?”
“It’s alright,” he answered with a nonchalant shrug that felt forced. “The pain meds help.”
“Can I check?” He sat on the edge of the bed and reached for his ankle, lifting his foot with careful hands until it rested in his palm. He turned it slightly, inspecting the stitches with the kind of focus he usually reserved for studies and hard conversations.
“Does it hurt?”
“Not really.” Guan Shan was watching his face more than anything else, the crease between his brows, the way his thumb brushed just above the ankle bone.
“It doesn’t look infected, He Tian said finally, lowering his foot but not letting go. “I’m sure it’ll be better in no time.”
“Good,” Guan Shan said, softer than he meant to.
Their eyes met for a second longer than was necessary. Guan Shan could feel the words pushing at the back of his throat. Thank you, I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’m doing, but I want to try, all tangled together. He almost said something. Almost leaned forward, almost reached for him. But he didn’t.
He Tian gave his ankle a gentle squeeze and stood, brushing his palms on his shorts. “Dinner’s probably ready.”
Guan Shan nodded, watching him go, the space between them feeling larger than it had all day.
After dinner they joined the others in the living room. Jian Yi had picked a horror movie none of them would admit was freaking them out.
He Tian sat next to him on the couch, foot propped up over his lap. His hand found Guan Shan’s ankle, thumb tracing circles absently over the skin. Then a stroke. Then another.
Guan Shan stared at the screen but absorbed none of it. He Tian’s hand was warm and familiar. Too familiar. The longer it stayed, the more distracted he got.
He kept thinking about the previous day. About the moment before the bleeding started again and everything went to shit. He Tian had touched him like he wanted him to. He wanted him to touch him like that again. Why wouldn’t he touch him like that again?
When the movie ended, they went upstairs. The others said goodnight and disappeared into their room.
In the quiet dark of their shared bedroom, He Tian lay back on the bed, one hand behind his head, the other skimming through emails on his phone. Relaxed like always. The lamplight caught in his hair, softened the lines of his face.
Guan Shan stood by the door for a moment, watching him, deciding on his next move. His heart thudded in his chest. He thought about the lake, about the hospital, about his mom’s voice on the phone. About all the times he’d snapped at him in the last two days. Then he moved.
He crossed the room and clumsily straddled He Tian’s lap, careful of his foot. He leaned down and kissed him, firm and deliberate. He Tian jolted, caught entirely off guard, hands dropping the phone and catching Guan Shan’s waist on instinct.
When Guan Shan pulled back, he looked him in the eye. “Thank you,” he said softly. “I should have said so sooner.”
He Tian’s brows lifted, a flicker of surprise in his expression. His hands tightened slightly on his hips. “For what?”
“For… all of it. The hospital. Carrying me back. Not making a big deal out of it. Putting up with me being…” He broke off, exhaling. “Me.”
He Tian’s mouth curved, but it wasn’t teasing. “You think that’s putting up with you?”
“I thought you might be mad at me,” Guan Shan admitted. “Or… I don’t know, maybe just getting tired of me? Every time I said something stupid, or told you to leave me alone, I thought…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I don’t know. I guess I figured you’d get sick of it.”
“I wasn’t mad,” He Tian said quietly. He ran one hand up and down his back, trying to be soothing. “I was just worried. And the only person I’m angry with is my brother for leaving glass in the damn lake.”
Guan Shan hesitated, then muttered, “I did freak out. Just a little.” His voice dropped even lower. “But… it was less scary because you were there.”
That earned him the faintest smile and fingers squeezing into his hips. “You’d have done the same for me.”
“Like hell I’d carry you all the way up that hill,” Guan Shan shot back. His mouth twitched like he almost wanted to smile.
“Yeah, you would.” He Tian said, certain and smug.
Guan Shan looked down, a faint heat rising in his face. The moment stretched between them, the easy banter fading into something quieter. “I get… weird when the others are around. Feels like someone’s always watching. Or listening. And then I think about you wanting to be alone with me and I just—” He stopped, searching for the words. “I don’t want you to only want me for that.”
He Tian reached up and cupped the back of his neck. “Guan Shan, I want a hell of a lot of things from you, but that’s not the only one. You know that, right?”
Guan Shan swallowed and nodded. “I think I do.”
“Good.”
He Tian sat up enough to press his mouth to Guan Shan’s again, slow and sure, his hands sliding up his back. It wasn’t hurried, no edge of frustration, just the kind of touch he’d been holding back from since yesterday.
They kissed until Guan Shan’s shoulders loosened, until his fingers curled into He Tian’s shirt instead of fisting in the blankets. When they finally stopped, He Tian pulled him down, guiding him so they were lying side by side.
Guan Shan let himself be gathered in, his head tucked under He Tian’s chin, one of He Tian’s hands resting low on his back, the other smoothing over his hair in slow, absent strokes.
“No matter what we do, I’m happy as long as I’m with you.”
They stayed like that, breathing in sync, the noise of the rest of the cabin fading into nothing. For the first time all weekend, Guan Shan didn’t feel the need to move or explain himself. And for the first time, He Tian didn’t feel the need to hold back.