Chapter Text
“You feeling better now?” Monty asked, scratching the back of his head nervously.
“Uhhhhh…” Moon groaned out, Solar raising an eyebrow at the noise. The night themed animatronic had completely zoned out while watching Adventure Time, brain turning off the past hour. “I don’t really know?”
“You…don’t know if you’re feeling better?” Solar drawled out, frowning at the words.
“Well, considering my lack of actual emotions the past three years, are you surprised?”
“Well, no, but surely you must know if you’re feeling good or bad right now? You were pacing up a storm awhile ago.”
“Solar, I doubt he even knows the difference at this point. His dread and sadness and anger are probably all out of sorts.” The gator cut in.
“Monty, I’m not completely invalid, you know that right? Just because I only understood definitions until today, doesn’t mean I can’t tell the difference between good and bad!” Moon felt a tinge of annoyance. “In fact, I’m feeling pretty pissed that you’re thinking I’m that stupid.”
“Woahhh, I’m not saying that Moon, but like, I have a hard time understanding how I feel myself on an average day, so I can’t even imagine how confused you feel right now.”
Moon rolled his eyes. “You know what? I think I’m feeling fine. In fact, I’m feeling good enough that I’m starting to think it’s time for you to go home.”
“Dude, seriously? I literally was just commenting on your mental state.”
“And my mental state is feeling annoyed that you’re still here.”
“You know what? I don’t have to take this. I was doing a favor and helping you like was asked, but if you’re gonna be like then fine, I’ll just go home then. At least Earth will want me around.”
Solar cringed at the exchange of words, seeing the frown grace his brother’s face. “Anddd I think that’s my cue to check-in for the night. I’m not seeing anything too wrong and it’s pretty late now, so see you two in the morning.”
“Night, Solar!” Monty called out, Moon completely ignoring the exit in favor of glowering at his best friend. “Listen, I know you want me to leave and all, but are you seriously going to be ok tonight? I just kinda feel like you’re…underreacting right now to unlocking your emotions and…might be getting angry about the wrong thing.”
The night themed animatronic shook his head, letting the slight against his intelligence go. “Monty, I’m just…tired right now. I haven’t been thinking about much while watching tv and I feel like I’m ready to pass out myself. Don’t worry about me. I’ll text you if anything feels wrong. Now, can you please leave my house? I didn’t realize how late it was until now and just to remind you we have work in the morning.”
“You sure you’re up for the pizzeria tomorrow?” Moon only glowered. “Alright, fine, fine…have a goodnight, dude.”
Monty patted his best friend’s shoulder, giving a wave as he left the house, leaving Moon alone in the silence. Stretching, he felt his joints pop, before standing up from the couch. He hadn’t been lying when he told Monty he was tired. It felt like he had ran a marathon from just unlocking his emotions, but surprisingly he wasn’t as panicked as he had been the first few minutes after coming back out of his head.
He shrugged, chuckling to himself as he thought about how that inner version of himself hadn’t believed he could handle what emotions would come back. He felt fine.
Turning off the living room lights, he headed up the stairs, pausing by Dazzle’s door. He felt a twinge…of something in his chest, frowning as he cracked her room open.
He peeked in, finding the deer softly snoozing, her star nightlight providing a soft golden glow over her features. The feeling melted into…relief, before he closed the door, and went across to his own room. Curling up in his covers, he felt his body relaxing into the mattress, almost feeling…cozy? Whatever feeling it was, he knew it was positive, much to his relief. Moon closed his eyes, smiling to himself.
After a long moment, he rolled over onto his back, eyes blinking open. He was tired, but didn’t feel sleepy he realized. Considering how often he slept, Moon found that strange. Usually he could drift off at a moment’s notice and Sun grumbled often about how lucky his brother was being able to do so.
Moon gasped, sitting up in bed with a start. SUN. He still wasn’t home? He checked his internal clock, realizing it was already 12:02 am, aware this has started to become a habit for his brother, despite the fact they had to open the pizzeria in the morning. Moon had been pretty pissed off the first times it happened, but after trying to give his brother space, Moon had just ignored it, expecting to smell bacon and eggs right on time in the morning as usual.
But, for some reason, the idea of Sun not being home right now, filled him with…dread. The dread had returned. About where Sun was this late at night. Where was he?
Moon opened his texts inside his head, beginning to type out one to Sun, before pausing. What was he doing? Sun would be annoyed at Moon for texting and not respecting his privacy. But, Moon was starting to feel…icky thinking about how much could happen to Sun and not knowing where he would be if he needed help. Moon swallowed thickly. He laid back down, shaking his head. Just calm down. Everything is fine. He closed his eyes once again, trying to find sleep.
After a long moment, his eyes opened back up. What if something happened to Dazzle when he dozed off and Sun wasn’t home? He resisted the urge to move from the bed for a long moment, before sitting back up. Moon clasped his hands together, rubbing them together in a self-soothing gesture, before getting out of bed, and opening his door back up.
He stepped back across the hall, cracking Dazzle’s door open. Moon stood in the doorway, watching the rise and fall of the lump under the blanket, feeling calmer than he did a moment ago. See? She’s perfectly fine, just like she was five minutes ago. He went to step away, but paused. The night themed animatronic immediately went back to her doorway, hand clenching the doorknob tightly. Why couldn’t he walk away? She was clearly fine, but the idea of leaving his niece alone made him worried something would happen when he left.
He blinked, suddenly realizing another 10 minutes had passed with him just standing there, suddenly feeling foolish. Why is he just standing here and watching her like a creep? He should be trying to sleep. Moon shook his head, going to close the door.
Moon couldn’t close the door. Instead, he found himself stepping inside, avoiding the toys spread across the floor, and standing over her bed. She snuggled her Sun plushie, half of her face buried into the pillow as she laid on her side. She was so sweet, he found himself smiling at her, cheeks warming as he realized what a sap he was being.
Suddenly, he felt moisture on his cheeks, realizing a tear was rolling down his cheek. He wiped it away, hands shaking as he thought about how tragic it was for such a young soul to die and the terror she must of felt before leaving her body. He covered his mouth, trying to stifle the gasp, rushing out the room, and quietly closing the door.
Standing in the hallway, releasing a shuddering noise, and desperately wiping at his face. Before he could think much more about his reaction to Dazzle, he heard the front door downstairs open.
Rushing to the railing, he looked down over the edge to see the foyer light flick on, Sun locking the door back up behind him. “Sun, you’re home!”
Moon didn’t know why he said his brother’s name so…desperately, but he felt…regret when the rayless figure looked up at him with a frown. “…What are you doing up?”
“Uhh…” Moon stalled, finding his hands were squeezing one another in a self-soothing gesture. He had felt…relief for a moment knowing his brother was home safe, but now he felt regret for drawing attention when it was clear Sun still wasn’t happy with him.
“Just…uhhhh…was…wondering where you were?”
Sun stared at him blandly, raising an eyebrow. “Does it matter?”
Moon felt something curdle in his chest. “W-Well, I just was…uhhh…”
“Was there anything else?” Sun didn’t move from the doorway, instead crossing his arms over his chest, looking away from Moon.
“I…uhh, n-no…I guess not…” His brother looked back up with suspicion in his eyes and Moon suddenly felt immense guilt. Sun clearly wasn’t happy and wasn’t in a sharing mood and Moon knew he deserved it after the years of abuse. Moon slowly backed up from the railing, before suddenly turning back his room.
He nearly closed his door, instead leaving it open a crack. The night themed animatronic watched from the crack. There was a long moment of inactivity, before he heard steps up the stairs. Sun appeared at the top, before turning towards his room. His brother turned to Moon’s door with an angry expression. Moon felt a bolt of coldness strike through his heart. Sun stepped inside his room after a moment and closed the door.
The night themed animatronic closed his own door, turning to his bed. He stared at the outline in the pitch dark, feeling…feeling…it didn’t feel right. Something felt…something in his gut shifted and…Moon covered his mouth, lurching forward, before bolting to the bathroom. Flinging open the toilet seat, he fell to his knees, gaging into the bowl. Nothing came up, considering there was nothing consumable inside his empty stomach at the moment. He felt as though he couldn’t stop though, body shuddering, face wet from the tears returning. “Oh, f-fu-“
Moon hadn’t felt this physically sick over…over…emotions before in his entire life. Even before he locked away his emotions, this hadn’t happened. The look Sun had given though. He didn’t know if Sun had actually seen him watching from the crack of the door and he didn’t know if either answer made him feel better. But, he just knew that…Sun hated his guts. And Moon deserved it after the years of abuse his brother had withstand.
Why had Sun put up with Moon this long? If he was in his right mind, he should have cut off someone as toxic as Moon years ago. The spiraling thoughts made him gag into the bowl, until his chest burned. He raised a fist, pounding it against his chest to relieve the pain. Instead, this amplified it, causing him to cough harshly, the sound echoing around the bathroom.
The cycle repeated, until he was left gasping for breath his didn’t need, but the burning in his lungs said otherwise. Moon checked the time, realizing another 20 minutes had passed during his…episode? He closed the toilet seat, laying his head on top as he listened to the roaring of his fans. If he was exhausted before, he felt close to passing out at this point. He still wasn’t sleepy though, groaning to himself. “M-Maybe I should call Monty…”
No. He didn’t want to wake up Monty and Earth by calling his best friend over something as stupid as the fit he was throwing. He was getting worked up over nothing. Maybe he could go down stairs and talk to Solar? No, he literally had to wake up earlier than the rest of them for maintenance repairs in the pizzeria and would be pissed if Moon woke him up for nothing. What was wrong with him?
Rubbing a hand across his face and stumbling to his feet, Moon yelped in fright to discover Molten looming over him. “HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN STANDING THERE?!”
“Why are you heaving into the toilet bowl? You cannot vomit.” The wired bear replied in his standard monotone voice.
Moon rolled his eyes. “Molten, I literally don’t want to play twenty questions right now, I just want to sleep. We have work in the morning, so you should too.”
“I do not sleep. I have told you this multiple times.”
“Oh yeah…right…you’ve told me that…wait, how did you get into my room? I lock my door at night!”
Molten pointed a clawed finger to the doorway of the bedroom, revealing a splintered and broken down door. “Great, Solar is gonna have a hayday finding out he has to fix that when we get home from work.”
“You unlocked your emotions and did not tell Sun when he returned home.”
Moon groaned, stalking over to his bed, and falling face first into it. “Please get out of my room. I don’t want to have any difficult conversations at…1:41am in the morning.”
“You were afraid of how Sun would react,” It wasn’t a question but a statement, that had Moon lifting his head back up with a glare. “That maybe he would no longer have an excuse to be angry with you and simply hate you.”
“Ok, I guess we’re just doing this then, huh? Listen, I would prefer if you didn’t just blatantly eavesdrop on me as often as you do.”
“You are not special; I eavesdrop on everyone.”
“Do I even want to know what everyone in this household is up to?”
“Jack has brought home a total of twelve trash bags filled to the brim with used sponges from the neighborhood between the hours of 3-5am the last two nights.”
“Andddd, adding that to the list of things Solar is going to be pissed about tomorrow after work,” Moon’s head dropped back down and he rolled over onto his back. “Yeah, of course I’m afraid once an excuse is gone he’s still gonna hate me. Honestly, I would, because having the excuse of ‘not being able to feel emotions’ only goes so far.”
”Do you truly believe he hates you?”
”I mean yeah, if it was me, I would.”
“Do you not already?”
Moon raised his favorite finger. “Shut.”
Molten didn’t even blink at being flipped off. “…I believe Sun truly does not hate you, only has difficulty coming to term with how angry he has been and pushing it down for as long as he has. Does the idea of distance frighten you?”
“You mean like me moving out of the house?”
“Or other situations.”
He frowned, sitting up. “What do you mean by that? Like Sun leaving the pizzeria?”
“Yes. Would that frighten you?”
He mulled on the thought, feeling the dread slowly seeping back into his body. Sun working somewhere else? At least he would see him at home. Sun and Dazzle moving out? At least he could see him at work. Sun changing jobs and leaving to move somewhere else with his daughter? They would see one another significantly less than he ever has the entire time he’s been awake. The idea terrified Moon. “Yeah…yeah it does.”
Molten was quiet for a long moment, before speaking again. “You should tell Sun how you feel. That you do feel deeply now.”
“I mean obviously I’m going to, since I don’t want to keep him in the dark…but…I don’t really know how to talk about it? I…feel…well, anxious that Sun won’t react well. The last time I had full access to emotions I was a raging asshole and abusive as shit. I don’t want him to think I’m going to go back to the way I was…because I don’t think I can anymore. Becoming that person again seems impossible for me now.”
“Why? At your core, you are still you, are you not?”
“Yeah, but just like with what happened to you, your personal experiences can shape and change you. Going through everything I have and understanding how Sun has felt has changed me for…the better I hope.”
“Yet it does not change the past, no matter how hard you have tried.”
Moon looked down at his lap, hands rubbing together in a self-soothing gesture. “No…it doesn’t…nothing can really make up for everything I’ve done. And I’ve…I’ve done so much b-bad…”
To his horror, he had begun to cry in front of Molten, gasping aloud as he thought about how often he had hurt his brother. What an awful person he had been, for years, and still was now. He had callously brought up Nexus without a second thought to how much it would hurt his twin. How could Sun still call him brother after everything?
Sun should have chosen to save Nexus instead of him. At least he would have chosen someone that hadn’t purposely turned off his emotions because he couldn’t handle how guilty he felt.
The night themed animatronic startled as he felt a cold metal hand touch his shoulder, looking up with tears swimming in his eyes. “Yes, but perhaps you can attempt to make amends?”
Moon dropped his gaze back down to his lap as he choked miserably. “I-It won’t make a difference…it never does…and it never will…”
He squeezed his eyes shut, hugging himself as he attempted to stifle his sobs. After a minute or so of silence broken up by the sounds of sobbing, the light flickered off, and the door closed, leaving Moon with his emotions shattered into a million pieces.