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Silence could send many messages. It could leave the receiver of the silence attempting to decipher what it could mean. Was the silence a peaceful kind, a restless kind, an uneasy kind? Unfortunately, some are much worse at interpreting the emotional weight of silence in an accurate way. Today, Four was feeling attuned to Blue and Red. Vio would have told him not to proceed with his blasphemous thoughts, but Vio’s lack of presence made him brash. Today, Four would scarcely interpret any reaction.
“Hey, I have a question for you guys!” Four said excitably.
“Yeah, ok, Four. Shoot,” Wars said casually, unaware of the doom that was to come.
“Wind, you’ll like this one.” Wind perked up, paying full attention to Four as he said what was on is particularly dull mind today. “Why do seagulls come down for your food, when there’s almost no chance they’ll snatch it?” The Chain looked positively confused, and perhaps slightly concerned as well.
Four took the silence a prompt to continue. A grave misinterpretation of the first silence.
“Because they are so gull-ible.”
This second silence was a very specific kind of disapproval and disdain. This included Wind, who was rather disappointed that Four thought so low of him. But, one person broke the silence. With a laugh. It was the last person any of The Chain expected to have such a response, even Four’s eyes widened in shock before Blue took over with swagger.
“Of course, my joke was perfect. I knew everyone would like it.”
Wars rolled his eyes in an extremely exaggerated fashion. “Bud, change your definition of everyone.”
“No no,” Time said between gasps. “I think…I thought it—was great.” A wide grin was somehow still present on his face.
“Well, this is going to go wonderfully,” Legend voiced with dripping sarcasm.
—
It had been going “wonderfully,” as Legend had said, what three days ago. It was the longest three days of their life.
Four and Time were snickering in the background.
Time began to tell his own joke. “You know what’s even better? Why was the calendar scared for its life?”
“Why?” Four said impatiently.
“Because its days were numbered.” More snickering followed, while the rest of The Chain covered their ears to shield themselves from the torture. This had to stop now.
“I think we should hold a court,” Twi said sternly, stepping up to a presumed podium (rock). “We have to vote on whether we should allow these dad jokes to continue.” He swerved his head towards Four and Time. “You two will be judged fair and square by me. Alright, who wishes to present the first case?”
“I will,” Legend said, standing up to address Twi. “Sir, this is clearly a stance of simple majority. Most of our group has spent days hearing torturous jokes that aren’t even funny. It hurts our ears and distracts us from our daily lives unnecessarily. This has to stop in order to proceed with our regular lives, else we die from the mere torment in our souls. That is all, your honor.”
“Well argued, sir. Will the opposition please stand?”
Time rose elegantly and prepared himself for his rebuttal. “Sir, all these complaints are valid. However, even as a minority opinion, this is about who has the better case. And I believe the opposition can speak about the true nature of this argument. The prosecution is attempting to deny us free speech, and that is simply unacceptable. Whether it is an unpopular opinion or not, should not define whether we are allowed to speak whatever we wish. That will be all, thank you.”
“Well argued, sir. But I believe the prosecution had a stronger argument in this case,” Twi said smoothly before turning to leave the podium.
“OBJECTION!” Four shouted. He pointed accusatorially at Twi. “This judge is biased. He should be replaced by an unbiased man.” Four angrily pointed at a Wind who had been absentmindedly playing with a butterfly. “You! How ‘bout you be the judge of this case?”
Wild groaned. “Fine, but Wind ain’t gonna change the decision.”
Wind stepped up to the rock podium and announced his judgment rather hesitantly. “Well…I hate to admit this, but I suppose the defense had a slightly better argument? Free speech overrules a majority.” The entire Chain gave looks of unadulterated horror. Well, almost the entire Chain. Four and Time held victorious grins across their faces. Four even whooped out loud. Then they began to snicker evilly.
“Noooooo!!! Wind why?” Legend whined loudly.
“Hey Four, wanna hear a joke?”
“Sure Time, I’d love to.”
“Did you hear about the break-in at the
wig factory?”
Four grinned, easily playing along. “No, I did not.”
“The police are combing the area as we speak!” To the Chain’s even greater horror, there were three raucous laughs instead of two.
“Wild, not you too!” Sky wailed in despair.
Wild took a deep breath to halt is laughter, then tilted his head slightly. “What? It was quite funny.”
Legend sighed “We’ve lost Wild, too, everyone.”
In the midst of this all, a Hylian body rose. He stretched with a loud yawn that prompted everyone to face him. Rubbing his eye tiredly, Hyrule asked, “What’d I miss?”