Chapter Text
Shiroe had been trying to apologize to everyone, but the words were stuck in his throat. He knew he was letting them all down. Not just the raid members, not just Akiba, but everyone. He knew it. He knew an apology wasn't enough. And yet, he was still unsure, unable to focus, unable to proceed with the resolve he usually showed-
Void had stepped forward in the silence, approaching him. He stared, their footsteps echoing and loud in the safe zone cavern.
Were they going to reprimand him? Were they going to rebuke him for this failure? Tell him to pull himself together?
It wasn't really like them to do something like that, but in his wallowing and uncertain state, he couldn't even remind himself of that. He couldn't even read the expression on their face.
They walked up to him, and stopped. He stared.
Warm hands cupped his cheeks.
"Shiroe."
The gentleness and the love in their voice and touch made him want to cry. He breathed in, and closed his eyes as he exhaled.
No. Void was not here to scold him. Void was here to ground him. Void was here to calm him down, to show him he was not alone, to forgive him for his mistakes thus far, and to remind him that it wasn't over.
Void was here to love him.
He saw Void nod at someone nearby before stepping to his side, grabbing his hand with a gentle squeeze as Minori and the other young members of Log Horizon approached him.
With Void's hand in his and the words of his younger cohorts, he began to find himself again.
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Void was attending the Round Table Council in place of Shiroe today. Once the Eternal Moth situation in Shibuya had been sorted out, Void had been determined to make Shiroe rest. Today was the start of that, and so it was up to them to pick up whatever duties remained that couldn't be entirely removed from Shiroe's plate.
They were well aware of the skepticism around their ability to do this, but they were frankly beyond giving a shit about that. Shiroe had been under too much pressure for too long - if the Round Table couldn't exist without him for a week, it didn't deserve to exist, in their opinion. They knew Shiroe would disagree, but they also knew that he took on far more than he could handle, and that everyone was more than happy to give it to him.
It made their blood boil. Shiroe was too good. And that was why they needed to protect him and set the record straight.
"Do not answer your mind phone, Shiroe," they had explained as they got ready to go to the Council. "I'm going to make sure everyone knows to call me during this time, so if they call you, do not answer. If something really important comes through, I'll loop you in."
"But-" he looked uncomfortable, still seated behind his desk.
"Please, Shiroe. I know you don't...agree," they sighed, meeting his gaze with worried eyes, " yet , but...I'm worried about you. I want you to rest. So lean on me. Please?"
"..." he sighed, and they could see the weariness in his face. "Alright, Void. I will. No telepathy."
"Thank you." They pressed a kiss to his head. "We can talk more about it when I get back, alright?"
"Alright." He tilted his head up, and in response to the movement, Void pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. "Don't work too hard."
"I don't wanna hear that from you," they teased, snorting a bit. "I won't. See you soon."
And now they were here, sitting in Shiroe's seat. It wasn't like this was an entirely new experience for them. They'd attended plenty of meetings, standing back with most often Nyanta or Akatsuki. They'd never been at the table before. Now they were the one appreciating the quiet support of Nyanta behind them.
It occurred to them then to wonder how everyone thought about them here, and that almost stopped them cold. Bad habits die hard ...they gently rebuked themself, forcing the thought out of their head. It didn't matter. They were Shiroe's partner and his temporary replacement. Marielle and Soujirou seated nearby were both offering them friendly smiles, as did several of the other members they didn't know as well, like Roderic and Michitaka.
Shiroe's reputation in this group was a good one, and they were grateful for that.
As it ought to be everywhere.
That thought irritated them, so they dropped it.
"...greetings, everyone," they started, pushing back their chair and getting to their feet. "I'm certain many of you recognize me by now, but allow me to reintroduce myself. I am Void, member of Log Horizon, and for the next week I will serve as temporary replacement for Shiroe. As such," they scanned the room, making eye contact with each person in turn, "please do not reach out directly to him via telepathy or other manner. Send your requests through me."
While no one brooked any complaint, Void could sense a certain amount of dissatisfaction.
"And to be clear," they continued, crossing their arms, "this was my idea, not Shiroe's. If any of you are unhappy, blame me, and not him."
"Void..." Marielle's expression was one of sympathy. "There's no need to worry about anythin' like that. No one here harbors any judgement towards Shiroe for needing a break. Right, everyone?"
Yeah, I don't know about that, Marielle .
The response was mixed, with several people immediately agreeing, and others seeming more hesitant.
If they thought they didn't need to worry about people judging Shiroe, they probably wouldn't be here presenting their next point.
"I appreciate that, Marielle. Secondly...this is...this is entirely off the record, and my own thoughts and feelings." This was the tough part. They took a deep breath, inhaling through their nose and exhaling through their mouth. "The raid dungeon in Shibuya was an extremely difficult situation, as I'm sure we can all agree. There was a lot to consider. It worked out in the end, but at the beginning...there was a lot of uncertainty, and pressure."
The room was quiet, all eyes upon them.
"Shiroe-" the words caught in their throat for a moment. They shook their head, focusing. "Shiroe wasn't perfect. He made mistakes. And some of you, and some of the people under you, were extremely unkind in those moments. I ask you to please keep in mind that Shiroe is just like you all - a person, and at that time, a person under immense pressure. Please consider this going forward."
They bowed their head. Their heart was pounding violently, and the room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
"What are they, his guard dog?" someone grumbled, seemingly unable to stop themself.
Void felt their rage coalesce, pushing aside all thoughts of being polite as their gaze landed on Eins, who had apparently spoken without thinking, looking shocked under Void's glare.
"Maybe I am," they snarled, putting both hands on the table, "or maybe I'm just sick of seeing a good man taken for granted. Maybe I'm sick of the weight of decisions being put in his hands, and then seeing people who could never do what he does criticize him. Maybe I'm fucking sick of all of you letting nasty rumors spread about him without even trying to stop them. Maybe," they were scanning the room again, watching as everyone refused to meet their gaze, "I'm sick of the way you all don't mind letting him take the fucking fall."
They were breathing hard, they realized, staring at nothing in particular as they panted, trying to catch their breath. Shit . They hadn't meant to lose control like that. Everything they did had the chance to be reflected back at Shiroe, and this had the potential to reflect back very poorly.
"I- shit, I'm sorry-"
"Do nyat be sorry for speaking mewr mind, Voichi," Nyanta said, gently placing a hand on their shoulder.
"Nyanta..."
"That's right, Void. And...it's not like you're wrong," Marielle added, smiling guiltily to herself.
Michitaka let out a heavy sigh. "I hadn't even really thought about it. When I heard those things...I just accepted that this was the viewpoint. I didn't even think about correcting it."
Void was stunned. Everyone was...okay with this? With what they had said? Not just okay with it, but even agreeing? Around the table, the apologies continued, with promises to do better.
Even Eins.
"I apologize. I misjudged you. And I've probably misjudged Shiroe, too." He sighed. "I'll do what I can. I promise, I hold him in the highest esteem."
"Thank you, everyone." Void breathed a sigh of relief. Nyanta gave their shoulder one last squeeze before stepping back. "I...I really appreciate it. And I'm sure Shiroe will notice your kindness, as you turn it upon him."
They sat down, scooting their chair back to the table.
The meeting moved on to other matters.
-----------------------------
"How was the meeting?" Shiroe asked, as Void stepped into his office. He'd been reading one of the books he'd been curious about for a long time. Technically , it was likely to contain things that were useful to know with regards to political matters, and therefore contraband by Void's definition, but it was also true he just wanted to read it for fun, too. Void seemed to accept that, giving the book only a glance as they approached.
At his words, their gaze turned dubious, eyes narrowed as they flopped onto the seat nearest his desk.
"Is this a trick to get me to disclose what went on?" they asked after a moment, still regarding him suspiciously.
He smiled wryly at them. "Void."
"Sorry," they sighed, rubbing at the back of their head with one hand. "It was fine. I can handle it."
"I wasn't worried," Shiroe replied, noting the tension in his partner's body, "I promise."
They sighed yet again, smiling at him apologetically. "Sorry, I just...sorry."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Their ears shot up before going back behind them as they glared at him. He distinctly heard their tail smack the chair.
"Not the meeting!" He raised his hands defensively. "Why you're so insistent on me taking a break."
"Oh." Void looked sheepish, calming down instantly. "I..." They bit their lower lip, hesitating. "I don't understand why you don't agree with me without explanation, truthfully."
"...I'm not working any harder than anyone else, and everything worked out in the end, so..." These were his true feelings. Anyone could do what he did, and he wasn't special for doing what needed to be done. If only he had been more decisive, it would have gone far more smoothly.
"Shiroe!" Void sounded frustrated. He knew they didn't agree with this philosophy, and it showed on their face clear as day.
"Someone has to do these things. I can do them, so I do."
"I know that!"
Their chair clattered to the floor as they jumped to their feet. Shiroe stared back at them. Their eyes were shiny and wet, expression taut and angry as they fought back tears. Shiroe was stunned into silence.
"I'm not saying it has to change, I just-" Void choked back a sob, trembling. "I just want you to take a break from- from the weight of it all."
They hung their head, and Shiroe wasn't sure if they were done speaking, or merely unable to speak because they didn't want to cry.
"Void..." He got to his feet, making his way towards them. They sniffled as he approached, not meeting his gaze. "I'm okay, Void. I promise."
"You're not , Shiroe! I'm not blind! I'm not stupid!" Tears were rolling down their cheeks now, and Shiroe's heart hurt.
"I don't think you are," he reassured them quickly, feeling at a loss. "I don't- I don't understand."
"The Shibuya Raid- Shiroe, you-" they struggled, and he could see that they were searching for the words. "Don't you remember?"
He swallowed hard. He did remember. He had very nearly almost failed everyone. In the end, he'd come back to his senses thanks to Void and his friends. But he hadn't made time to reflect on that moment. He hadn't wanted to.
Ah. That was why Void was concerned.
"I do. But...but it's okay, because I...because we won." His voice grew quiet as he spoke. Was it okay? Or had that feeling been lurking in the back of his mind like a dark shadow ever since?
"Everything," Void sobbed, choking on tears, "everything is put on you. All of the decisions end up in your hands." They whimpered, shoving their hands over their face, tangling fingers in their bangs. "It's too much for, for one person, Shiroe. It's not fair . It's not fair!"
They lowered their hands as they spat out the words, and Shiroe felt his heart cracking at the sight of them in so much pain .
He pulled them to him, gently soothing them as they sobbed in his arms. His own eyes had begun to tear up, and he felt those tears trickling down his cheeks.
"I know," their breathing was erratic and shallow as they forced themself to continue, "that it won't change. I know that! I know that...but I just want," they looked up at him, chest heaving as they sobbed, "you to be unburdened, even just for a moment. I just want you to have a chance to catch your breath. To put down that weight." They grabbed at his chest, fisting the fabric of his sweater desperately as they met his gaze. Their eyes widened, and he could only assume it was because they'd noticed his own silent tears. They squeezed their eyes shut, pressing their face to his neck. " Please , Shiroe."
"Okay," he mumbled, squeezing them gently. "Okay. You're...you're right. I...you're right." He sighed, leaning his face against their hair.
Void whimpered softly, shifting to wrap their arms around him.
"I didn't want to think about it. To acknowledge it," he admitted slowly, stroking their back. "It's- it's scary." His own breath caught in his throat.
It was scary. It had been scary then. What if he was making the wrong choice? What if his choice had irreparable consequences? It had almost been too much to handle. He had been tired. How long had he been locked in this cycle, never taking a true break, always looking around the next corner, and the corner after that?
It was necessary. All of it was necessary. But it would wear him into the ground one day, even if he didn't notice, and he would be of no use to anyone anymore.
But Void noticed. Void probably saw it clearer than he did. Void always saw him clearer than anyone else. In all honesty, he suspected that Void cared far more about him than they did the Round Table Council or the people of Akiba. He didn't doubt that if forced to make a choice, they would throw all of that away for him.
They would never be forced to make such a choice, and because it was important to him, it held importance to them. But it would always be second fiddle.
He wasn't sure if that had truly hit him until now. He pressed his face to their hair, feeling more tears fall.
He was grateful that Void would never let him grind himself into dust.
"I know." They seemed to have calmed down a bit, their breathing and tone more even. "It hurt to see you like that. I wish that you didn't have to take on all of these weights. But," they shifted, tilting their head up to look at him and his tear stained cheeks, "that's part of what makes you you . You wouldn't be my Shiroe if you didn't take on these burdens."
Something between a laugh and a sob came out of his mouth, and Void pulled him back to them again, holding him tightly. How had he not realized how badly he needed this?
"So I will be here to make sure you take breaks. And right now," they squeezed him gently, "you need a bigger break."
"I can accept that," he mumbled, voice shaky.
They held each other like this for a while, until their breathing evened out and the both of them had grown calmer. Void sniffled as they pulled back to look at him, wiping at their red rimmed eyes. Shiroe took a moment to pull his glasses off, rubbing his eyes on his sleeve.
"So..." He didn't know what to ask, or how to ask it.
"The end of this week...we can go away for a few days. A little vacation." Void smiled at him. "I can handle the business that's needed before then, and Henrietta said she would reach out to me with daily summaries. I mean," they chuckled softly, "assuming you want me to go with you."
"I do," he affirmed without hesitation.
Void beamed, their tail finally lifting to wag behind them.
"We can go wherever you want. Or I can choose. Just- just no work, is all I ask. Anything else is game. We could even stay here if you wanted."
"No, I think you're right...it would be good for me to physically get away from it. There's a great deal in Yamato I hoped to show you one day, too...so I would like that." His mind was already spinning. The server was full of beautiful places, and places that had emotions attached for him. Where would he even start?
"Me too," Void replied softly, clinging to him gently. "I'll go anywhere, with you."
He sighed happily, nuzzling his nose to theirs.
"Thank you, Void."
"You don't have t-"
"I want to. Thank you for seeing me, and taking care of me." It was easy to say these words to them, because it was Void , and he knew that if he didn't they wouldn't recognize the extraordinary kindness they were showing him.
They were quiet, wrapping their arms a bit tighter around him.
"You're welcome. I- I meant it. I will be here for you. Always."
He pulled them to him tighter, pressing his face to their hair. "I will always be grateful for that."
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"Shiroboooooo!" Marielle looked apologetic as she stepped into Shiroe's office. Her arms were also up like she intended to hug him, and he briefly considered sliding off his chair and under his desk to avoid that.
"Marielle, don't overwhelm him," came Henrietta's scolding voice.
"Sorry," Marielle hung her head as she came to a stop in front of Shiroe's desk. "How are you doing, Shirobo? Getting some rest?"
"I am. I've been doing a lot of reading." He gestured slightly at the book laying open on his desk. Beside it sat a pen and some notes he'd taken.
"Is taking notes allowed by our dear Void?" Henrietta asked, pushing her glasses up threateningly.
"Yes..." Shiroe averted his gaze. He knew he was skirting Void's guidelines with some of his choices of reading material, but it also wasn't his fault that everything was so incredibly topical at all times. "The notes are for me to do more research, or integrate something into a plan...the work for me to do in the future."
"I see," Henrietta smiled at him. "You really are trying to take a break, aren't you?"
"Trying is the operative word..." he sighed. Henrietta nodded with understanding, while Marielle looked confused.
"Um, either way...we owe you an apology, Shirobo," Marielle's smile was as apologetic as her tone, "for letting you shoulder so much on your own."
"Yes. It wasn't that we didn't see it, but...everyone was complicit in allowing you to take on so much," Henrietta added, sighing and tapping her glasses. "It was convenient for us."
"As well as not standing up for your reputation..."
"That as well..."
"Um...you don't need to apologize to me. You're both working hard, and I've only been doing what I can," Shiroe replied. "Where is this coming from?"
Marielle blinked at him. "Huh?"
"Do you...not know, Shiroe?" Henrietta looked puzzled.
"Not know what ?"
"What Void said, to everyone. At the Round Table Council," Marielle explained. Shiroe was suddenly paying rapt attention.
"They didn't tell you? My, I do find that surprising..." Henrietta put a finger to her chin thoughtfully. "Well, basically, they scolded all of us for letting you carry so much burden."
"They-" Shiroe was stunned. Void hadn't mentioned that at all . He was simultaneously touched and a little bit embarrassed.
"They weren't wrong in what they said," Marielle added, laughing weakly. "It definitely came as a shock to everyone to be scolded so intensely though."
" Quite intensely. I doubt it was on purpose, but the amount of mana they'd drawn to themself created a positively terrifying aura. Very well done," Henrietta replied, laughing. "I was impressed."
Shiroe could imagine it well. After all, they'd done something similar when he'd told them about his encounter with Nureha. It had caught him very off guard at the time. Terrifying was not an unreasonable word.
He suddenly remembered a time when he hadn't believed Naotsugu that Void had been scary, and made a mental apology.
"They didn't have to do that..." he mumbled, feeling his cheeks burn despite the small smile creeping onto his face. They already did so much for him. And they hadn't even told him about it.
"I am really surprised they didn't tell you, but...it was so bold...well, I guess that's one of their quirks." Henrietta shrugged, chuckling softly.
"It was a good thing they did, Shirobo," Marielle chirped.
"Thank you for telling me about it," Shiroe replied, smiling warmly at them.
"Of course! And again, sorry. We're a team! Let's work hard together!" Marielle pumped a fist into the air with a determined face.
"Aaaafter you've had your rest," Henrietta corrected, grabbing Marielle by the collar. "Speaking of which..."
"Right, right. We'll see you later, Shirobo!"
"Thank you both. For- for everything."
Shortly, he was left alone again. He stared down at his book...
...and promptly found it hard to concentrate. Knowing that Void had stood up for him like that...
This vacation was about him, but it needed to be about them too . They always did so much for him, and this just went to show how little he realized it. What else had they done for him that they simply hadn't mentioned because they were too humble or shy?
With these thoughts in his heart, he endeavored to plan a wonderful vacation for the two of them.