Work Text:
Day One
"Please don't cry"
Lamb to the Slaughter | Ceremony | Beg for Forgiveness
The smell of iron coated the air, heavy and thick in the lingering summer heat. Katsuki gaze was set on his hands. Steady at first but quickly beginning to shake as his mind worked. His hands were sticky, stained dark from rapidly drying blood. It coated his palms, trailed between his fingers and left gruesome rivers down his purpling wrists.
Noticing the deep red he could feel his pulse working between the broken bones. the regular thump thump growing to a cacophony in his ears. Too loud and too strong.
He searched his skin, needing there to be a cut or a gash, something on his hands or arms to explain the source. But there was nothing. His wrists were clearly broken, if the growing pain in them told him anything, but the skin was still intact.
Why was there blood on his hands?
Who's blood was it?
Tearing his gaze away, he scanned his surrounds. The sun was nearly gone, casting long shadows from the buildings around him. Behind him, several meters away, he could see a street. Lit up by street lights and the occasional car passing by. An alley then, but why was he here? What would have pulled him away from the main street?
He looked at his hands again. Bile coursing up his throat. The red had darkened, dried just a touch more making it tacky. It clung to his skin, noticeably cooler now.
Where did it come from?
What the fuck did he do?
His breathing picked up, shoulders rising and falling to match the hurried pace. He couldn't get his hands to stop shaking. His mind raced but wouldn't settle on a single thing. He knew he needed to calm down, to figure his shit out. Losing it was helping no one. He was supposed to be a hero dammit!
There's blood on his hands. and not his own.
Someone is hurt, bleeding, because of him. He swore, he swore, that would never happen again. He was a real piece of shit, and he knew that, but he had spent his time at UA trying to do better. To be better. What the fuck had gone wrong? Why can't he fucking remember anything!
Katsuki knelt in the disgusting alley, and stared at the blood on his hands. Not daring to look up and see what laid further inside. If he looked, if he moved, it made it real. Made it so he really was a villain instead of reformed hero student. It didn't matter how he looked at it. Deeper in the alley, or maybe in another one entirely, there was someone hurt and bleeding because of his own hands.
"Kats." A steady voice drew his attention, hands gently sliding over his own. For a second he let it be. Let the warmth of the hands crawl up his arms and settle in his chest, easing his breaths to something lighter. For a moment all was okay. He was going to be okay. His eyes snagged on the blood, now stiff and almost dry on his skin.
Katsuki tried to pull his hands back, tried to keep the blood from staining them too, but it was no use. Their grip tightened, thumbs brushing against his wrists. He hated to think it was soothing as some tension released from his shoulders.
"What-" His voice broke as he slowly looked up. Eijiro knelt there, their knees close to touching. His hair laid around his face and sweater barely zipped up as though he left in a rush. His red eyes were beginning to fill with tears.
"No. Don't cry Ei." He whispered. Katsuki hated whenever he cried. Hated the way those red eyes would slowly pool with tears before gently trailing down his cheeks. A smile still tugging painfully at his lips as he tried to act like everything was okay while his heart cracked. Katsuki could see it in his eyes, the broken shards of him.
His breath hitched in his lungs. A stutter before a slow breath in as he tried to think. Tried to figure out what he did to break Eijiro's heart. Why couldn't he remember anything! He wanted to scream in frustration.
There was blood on his hands that wasn't his.
No memories.
Eijiro was breaking because of him.
It was always Katsuki's fault. Guilt slowly clawed its way up his throat. He didn't know how to fix it, fuck he didn't even know what had happened! His hand rose to wipe away the tear that slowly trailed down his partners cheek. Only, he froze before touching him. Catching sight of the dried blood again.
His hands violently shook before Eijiro took them in his own again.
"Kats, I need you to breath. Can you-" Eijiro started, voice calm and caught Katsuki attention for only a moment. The dark form rushing pass them drew Katsuki's gaze, snagged his concentration with a tight grip. He watched at the person dropped to theirs knees, close enough he could hear every word.
"C'mon kid, wake up." Aizawa. Katsuki couldn't help but to sigh at the arrival of his Sensei. The hero would figure this all out. He always did. The relief that washed over him didn't last, his brain finally processed what was spoken.
Wake up.
Fuck did- was that his fault? It had to be. There was no one else around. But who was it? A villain? As much as he hoped, needed it to be a villain, something whispered in the back of his mind that it wasn't. That was stupid, if it was a villain Eijiro wouldn't be kneeling in front of him barely holding it together.
So it had to be someone good. Someone innocent. It had to be a-
"Kaminari, Get up!" Aizawa's voice rose. Katsuki stopped breathing.
No! That wasn't right. It couldn't be-
Memories rushed over him fast and hard.
He had been leaving for a grocery run.
Kaminari had joined hm. Chatting up a storm that Katsuki reluctantly admitted he enjoyed.
They didn't even make it to the store before a group had blind sided them. Hands pulling them into an alley. This alley.
The back of his head felt warm and throbbed, now that he was aware of the injury.
His memories failed him again.
Katsuki ripped his hands out of Eijiros. One flew to his chest, fist bundled in the fabric, the other his hair. He tugged on both, unable to stop himself as he fought for air. He had hurt Kaminari. He didn't call them friends but he didn't want to hurt them! Fucking hell what kind of monster was he!
He couldn't breath, couldn't think as Aizawa's words played on loop. His teacher demanding voice loud in his ears. His thoughts spiralled far faster than he could keep up with. Monster. Villain. He really hadn't got any better. Was he born to hurt others? Is that all there was to him?
Large hands wrapped around his wrists. He snarled at them as they pulled his hands out of his hair. Katsuki looked at them, could see they were trying to get him to focus but the world grew hazy. Lack of proper air getting to him for far too long.
Katsuki blinked, tried to get his eyes to focus. Deeper in the alley he could just make out the bright yellow of Kaminari's hair as he laid on the ground. Paramedics leaned over him. The snap of bones sharp in the air, loud enough to be heard over his own desperate breaths and racing heart.
"Please-" He gasped. "I don't- I didn't-" He couldn't force the words out. He wanted to believe that he didn't do this, that it wasn't his fault. It felt like a lie, bitter and hard to swallow.
The world grew dark around him, still unable to breath.
"I didn't-" His voice far quieter than it should be as he tilted forward, his body giving out as he fell into oblivion.