Chapter Text
Splitting with Gon to journey with his sister had been one of the hardest decisions Killua ever had to make. Gon was his sun – Gon brought fun and joy into his life, a light he never imagined he could have in his world dominated by cruelty and darkness. He couldn't bear to be without him. But Alluka and Nanika were just as important. More important.
Not a second went by that Killua didn't regret leaving Alluka behind with their family when he left to take the Hunter Exam. At first, Killua blamed Illumi's Nen needle for causing him to forget about Alluka, but then, he started to criticize himself. Even if the needle had been there since he was born (quite honestly, he had no memory of when the needle had been implanted) and was constantly manipulating his every thought, to Killua, it was no excuse. The truth still stands that Killua abandoned his precious little sister, condemning her to a life of solitude in a concrete box miles below the earth's surface, while he got a taste of freedom.
He failed her. And Killua hated himself for it.
So much so, that every time Alluka looked up at him with a smile and asked to be praised, a small part of Killua died inside. Killua would think, ‘I left her in the clutches of monsters, and the only thing she wants out of life is to be happy with me.’
And that's why Killua had to part with Gon. Killua needed to make sure that Alluka was able to live. Really live. Killua was not doing this out of personal guilt – no, he was doing this because he wanted his most precious person, Alluka, to have the life she deserves. The life she had been denied. He wanted to give Alluka the same thing Gon gave him, a life worth living.
Killua knew that leaving Gon was the right thing to do. Now that he was responsible for another, that he was someone else’s light, Killua knew he had to be a more stable person emotionally and mentally. He needed to be someone that his sister could rely on for anything. To give her advice in her own dark moments, to support her with all the small things, to actually be able to give her a normal life. Killua knew that his own very fragile mental state would not cut it. And as much as Killua did love him, Gon really was making it worse.
Gon had given Killua the ability to see another life for himself, to realize that there was more to life than the darkness, and that life was worth living. He brought joy and fun to his life of loneliness and destruction. But running parallel to this life-changing journey Gon took him on, Killua started to slowly become more aware that while his first priority was Gon, Gon’s first priority was Gon. That the selfishness that initially inspired him and lit a flame in his heart was also causing Killua to melt.
It was so fucking hard to care so much for someone who did not value you in the same way. Killua wasn’t at all talking about unrequited love, he was talking about realizing that having to watch in silence as someone you care about self-destructs and not care about the consequences, was wrong. That someone who was willing to kill themselves for 5 minutes of power to avenge someone he met twice with no thought of the pain it would leave with the people he left behind. On Killua.
That someone who told Killua that he didn’t care at all and then never apologized or realized that those words were more heart-wrenchingly painful than anything Killua’s family had ever put him through.
That Killua had cried over Gon more than he’d ever cried in his entire life. He was pretty sure he hadn’t cried before he met Gon at all.
Killua started to realize that while Gon would forever be his light, he was also irreparably hurting Killua. That this was not okay. That if Killua was going to try to be a person that maybe one day didn’t hate himself, that if he was going to be the guiding light in Alluka and Nanika’s eyes, this was a spiraling cycle of trauma he would need to leave behind.
Killua needed to learn how to be his own person outside of Gon.
Killua didn’t need to cut Gon out of his life forever, nor did he want to, but he needed to learn how to exist outside of his current dependency. It very much was not co-dependency. Killua realized that now. The flippant and dismissive, “Oh, sorry!” he received from Gon in response to everything Gon had said and done during the chimera ant raid had been the final nail in the coffin. It was a half hearted throw away apology that held no candle to the actual things Gon was apologizing for. Continuing down this road meant subjecting himself to a lifetime of torture.
Again.
Physical torture he could handle, but emotional torture, coming from someone he actually cared about for once, was fresh and new for Killua, and it left him raw.
If he’s going to be the stable figure in Alluka’s life, Killua had to pull himself together, which he wasn’t sure he could do because he was fairly certain he was just shattered little fragments loosely and limply hung together with tape and scar tissue.
Despite all of this, when Gon and he said their final goodbyes, Killua knew that if he turned around to look at Gon’s retreating form for even a second, he would not be able to hold himself back from running towards him. So he didn't turn around. He hid his tears, and he squeezed Alluka's hand a bit tighter to reassure himself that she was still with him – that he wasn't abandoned and wouldn’t fall back into the rotting pit of darkness. And neither would she.
Killua chuckled to himself when he realized how much his fucked up family had effected his opinions on his own self worth. Killua was to be a tool – the perfect assassin. Killua was to be the heir – a perfect Zoldyck. Killua was supposed to be obedient, detached, cruel, heartless, and emotionless. But he never wanted to be any of those things. Killua wanted to be like Gon. He wanted to be able to truly smile without thinking that he didn't deserve to smile.
He wanted to be happy, but more importantly, he wanted Alluka and Nanika to be happy.
So off they went on a journey to see things Alluka had only ever dreamed of, finally experiencing the world outside of the confines of those four walls. Killua took Alluka to places he read about, explored the world, and catered to Alluka's every whim. Every time Alluka lit up at seeing something new, Killua’s heart started to come alive again. It wasn’t that he was living vicariously through Alluka, Killua was genuinely loving seeing the world for himself. To wander with no restrictions was an expression of freedom he’d never had before.
(They both pretended like they weren't constantly checking over their shoulders, always slightly on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop and Illumi to appear to put a stop to all of this. They ignored that their freedom was conditional, temporary, and only at the allowance of the very thing they were trying to escape, meaning their freedom wasn’t really freedom at all.)
Killua knew that he needed to nurture Alluka’s own independence just as he discovered his. One way he tried to do that was by making the world seem less scary by teaching Alluka how to defend herself. Killua taught Alluka the basics of martial arts and Nen, and refused to teach her any kind of assassination technique. Killua did, however, ensure that even if Nanika was in the driver's seat, she could handle herself equally as well as Alluka could.
Alluka and Nanika wouldn’t have to feel helpless and not in control of themselves ever again. No one could lock her up again because they wouldn’t be able to get her into the room in the first place.
Naturally, Killua taught them Nen to the best of his ability. He admittedly wasn’t a great teacher, his own experiences being relatively quick with teachers as most things did just come easily for him without much explanation, but he tried his best. They discovered that Nanika was a specialist, as expected, but Alluka was a manipulator. Which was unfortunately in line with the trends of their family. She hadn’t decided on a Hatsu yet, and was struggling with reconciling her Nen type as something that could exist outside of controlling people. She didn’t want to be like the rest of their family, especially Illumi. It brought back horrible memories for the both of them.
Control. So much of their lives had been dominated and ruled by control. It was incredibly difficult to imagine herself perpetuating that agenda. Killua rightfully didn’t push her, and told Alluka that they would figure it out together in her own time. That they’d keep searching until she came up with something that was free of control.
Seeing Alluka grow more and more every day, Killua resolved that no one would ever take this life and freedom away from her. Killua would not allow Alluka to be hurt. Killua would take any and all damage meant for Alluka, and he would do so with a smile on his face.
He would die for Alluka.
He would die for Nanika.
He would die for Gon.
He would draw the attacks away from Alluka even if it meant sacrificing an arm, an eye, his life. Any of it, all of it. He would gladly give up if it meant saving Alluka. His resolve had never been greater.
Unbeknownst to Killua, it was at this moment when his resolve firmed that a flame sparked within him.
Killua knew that if Alluka was going to be sticking to the basics of Nen (for now, until they got past the trauma-blocked Hatsu training), he would have to be strong enough to protect both of them. The first problem Killua tackled was his Nen reserve. When Killua had been escaping with Alluka from Kukuroo Mountain, Killua had not been able to use Godspeed for as long as he wanted to, and that ultimately put Alluka in jeopardy. As such, Killua needed to up his Nen reserves so that this would never be a problem again. It wasn’t an improvement that would happen overnight, and it would take a long while before he got his reserves to where he wanted them to be. Sadly, it was one of the few things that being a prodigy wouldn’t give him the easy way out to accomplish.
Killua spent a lot of his training time just meditating and increasing his reserves through the methods Bisky taught him. Sometimes simple training was the best training.
However, during one of his meditations, Killua discovered something... Different about his Nen. It wasn't as though anything had changed within his Nen, nor that it was tampered with, but there was something new that he had never noticed before. Something new. It was weird. It seemed to be akin to a second Nen ability, but it was an entirely different class than his own Nen type.
Strangely enough, it was made of green lightning that behaved like a flame rather than actual lightning. Killua could only come to the conclusion that he was a specialist along the same lines that Kurapika was – he was a transmuter, but when he used the green flame, he was a specialist, just like when Kurapika used his scarlet eyes.
It behaved somewhat oddly though, Killua had noted. The flame's intensity varied directly with his emotions. ‘Great,’ Killua thought while rolling his eyes with a resigned and tired look on his face, ‘I either go from perfect control over my emotions to a fucking bomb on legs. What fun this new Nen will be to learn.’
However, no matter how hard he tried, Killua couldn't use the flames for the basic Nen principles or actually use it for anything. It just sat there, silently laughing at him and making him hyper aware of his emotions. It was the strangest thing because he knew they could manifest externally eventually, and it frustrated Killua to no end.
‘Ugh, this must be what learning Nen is like for normal people. Except this ability just mocks me,’ Killua huffed and ran his fingers through his hair.
‘Well, one thing is for sure, I’m not meditating under a tree for 50 years or whatever that old man did to master his Nen to understand this. I’d just give up on figuring out this whole flame thing and just ignore it if it wasn’t driving me crazy knowing it’s there. It’s making my skin itch every time I feel any degree of emotion! This is my karma for trying to somewhat attempt to go on a journey of emotional stability, isn’t it? Ew. Feelings suck. Why did I do this?’ He glared at the ceiling like it personally offended him.
It did actually, now that he thought about it for another 2 seconds. The crown moulding clashed dramatically with the ceiling color, and who even approved those light fixtures? Were those polka dots?? He’s adding bad architecture design to his growing list of reasons why his original pre-meeting Gon plan of not giving a fuck about anything might have been the better way to go.
Actually, now that he’s been unable to rip his eyes away from it for 5 solid minutes now, the ceiling might actually be genius in an offbeat camp type way. Maybe Killua should look for a shirt like that.
Shit. He’s actually going crazy. Screw these dumb flame things. These flames were solely responsible for like half of his current problems. It’s like the worst Nen covenant deal of all time – we give you: a new power that will be attending the world’s wildest rave every other hour under your skin that you cannot use or turn off. You get: even worse anxiety, just the worst sleep ever, and get this, the feeling of ants all over you all the time. How can you refuse? Killua would like a refund, please.
Maybe the ceiling wasn’t actually that bad–
Okay, yeah, time to call an adult. And by an adult, he means Kurapika.
Killua whipped out his phone and dialed Kurapika’s number. As the phone rang, he hoped Kurapika was in the mood to actually pick up the phone this time. When they last spoke, Kurapika needed recommendations for who to recruit as bodyguards for that baby-prince on that stupidly big whale ship headed to the Dark Continent, or as Killua has affectionately dubbed the birthplace of the Chimera Ants, Hell.
Not his monkey, not his circus.
So Killua did the mature thing and threw Bisky under the bus as quickly as possible and made it not his problem. He even told Kurapika exactly how to deal with her so she’s 100% stuck on that boat now and did not back out. Ha, take that as revenge for beating him up last time and calling it “training,” Bisky!
“Killua?” Killua resisted the urge to dramatically fist pump into the air. It was a miracle, Kurapika actually picked up the phone. “Is this important because–” Killua quickly cut him off before Kurapika could attempt to get out of listening to his problems.
“Kurapika! Thanks for answering. I wanted to run something by you real quick and get your opinion since I think I might be in a similar situation to your weird “I am sometimes a specialist” thing. Except mine developed out of nowhere a few days ago, I have zero idea of what’s happening to me or what it is, and I think it might start eating away at my skin next. Thoughts?” Killua joyfully said with a grin while absentmindedly rolling a piece of his hair in his fingers.
He’s learned now how to deal with Kurapika’s “my problems are more important, so I don’t have time to listen to you” thing. Just steamroll the blonde and provide enough concerning information quickly so the shock jumpstarts his mom friend instincts and causes him to momentarily forget his own issues. Then, Kurapika will be pestering Killua to hear all about it and will then spend more time on it than Killua would have himself. Kurapika’s super helpful and a great friend when you’re able to make him remember that not everyone is tuned in to his 24/7 slow burn revenge drama and trick him into paying attention to you instead.
“What?! Killua, explain now.” Ah, the sweet, sweet sound of victory.
“Well, if you insist.” Killua proceeded to fill Kurapika in on everything he’s observed with this weird flame thing and his inability to mold it. He made sure to go into excruciating detail about everything. This was his Kurapika time, and Killua was going to milk it for all its worth. Hopefully he’ll finally get some answers that will make the lovely lava river under his skin turn off.
After the info dump, Kurapika was silent for a moment on the other end of the phone. “You’re right, it does sound somewhat similar to my emotions in combination with my eyes triggering specialist abilities. Not being able to access it is a problem, however. We can’t learn anymore about it unless you’re able to interact with it in some way, and if things stay as they are now, your body’s situation could get worse. This is potentially very time sensitive.” Kurapika paused, and then almost hesitantly continued, “If it really is like mine, then there is likely a genetic component, meaning that our best lead right now is for you to contact your family.”
Killua clicked his tongue and let out the most dramatic groan of the century. “Tch, and here I thought I wouldn’t actually ever have to contact them again.” Asking his family about anything seemed to be like the worst idea ever given how he left things last time when retrieving Alluka. But Kurapika was right, and his life really could be on the line if they don’t figure this out quickly. “Fineeeeeeeee! I’ll do it, but I’m not happy about it,” he pouted. Damn Kurapika and his logic.
Kurapika, ever the pragmatist, was completely unfazed by his antics, but still tried to console him, “I am sorry, but it seems like that’s the only route to get more information right now. You should also continue meditating and trying to draw it out as well. It might have different conditions than how you currently use and access your main pool of Nen.”
“Are there other ways to access your Nen? What do you mean by that?” Killua questioned.
Kurapika elaborated, “It seems you’ve accidentally hit the trigger to activate it, but you haven’t found the trigger to access the abilities it has yet. In my case, the trigger to access my specialist pool is my eyes going red, but the trigger that activated the specialist abilities in the first place was a specific moment of my overwhelming hatred of the Spiders bubbling to the top for the first time after I had activated my Nen. It’s possible there’s two different activation requirements that need to happen in your case as well.” See? Kurapika can be so insightful when he’s not completely wrapped up in himself.
“I think you’re probably right, it just sucks that I can’t figure this out quickly. I genuinely have no idea what the first trigger was in the first place, how am I going to figure out the second trigger?”
“Given the caveat that my Emperor Time is our only data point, the triggers could be emotional, thought based, or an actual change to your body,” Kurapika tried to comment helpfully.
So it was potentially Killua’s emotional self-betterment improvements he’d been working on. Wow, that's a point against having good mental health.
Kurapika continued, “It’s also possible that it’s something you’ve experienced or done in the past before unlocking your Nen. I had the overwhelming, “vision going red from hatred” moment happen frequently before Nen, and nothing happened. But it was the first time it happened since I awoke my Nen did it serve as my first trigger.”
“As much as that makes sense, I really can’t land on what exactly could have been the trigger for me,” Killua grumbled. “But I can narrow it down a little and say that it was most likely emotional based.”
“You should try to remember exactly what you were thinking about chronologically the day it unlocked.”
“Yeah, I’m trying to, but there were a lot of different things going on in my head that day. I mean, it was an unhelpful amount of things and a lot of different emotions being felt.” Gon, self-hatred, protection, resolve, Gon, his love for Alluka and Nanika, joy, despair, happiness, and so on. Ew, he didn’t want to talk about feelings with Kurapika of all people. Killua didn’t really think that Kurapika was the best person to talk about feelings with given that Kurapika’s own coping mechanism to deal with his emotions was murder. Though, to be fair, he’s not much better himself. “But I get your point. I’ll go through that day again a few more times and see if I can settle on a few of the thoughts or emotions it might have been. Let me think for a second.”
Killua paused, running back through his thoughts again. He tried grouping some of the emotions together to see if there was a pattern or a string of feelings. What was the most extreme? ‘Oh, what if it was the feeling that I was willing to die to protect my sisters? That degree of resolve was a through line that influenced a lot of what I had been thinking.’ Killua’s brow furrowed. ‘How do I say that to Kurapika without it sounding like I was thinking about self-sacrifice?’
Killua took a stab at it, “Maybe, overwhelming resolve? Like a “no matter the cost” mentality, or something.” That didn’t sound too bad.
“Killua,” Kurapika’s voice carried his disappointment, his tone clearly conveying that he picked up on what Killua was explicitly not saying. Killua winced.
“Can we not?” Killua said, trying to preemptively avoid a long scolding.
Kurapika clearly did not want to drop it, but gave in, “Fine,” he said tensely. “Just keep me in the loop with everything, okay? I’m going to do some additional research on my own and get back to you.” See? Now Kurapika’s invested. Killua mentally patted himself on his back. Good job, Killua.
“Yeah, like you can do research on a whale boat in the middle of the ocean. I can’t believe you even have cell service there.”
“You’d be surprised at some of the unique Nen users and phenomena happening on this ship.” Aww look at Kurapika attempting to be mysterious and trying to get Killua invested.
“Lol that sounds like a you and Bisky problem.”
Kurapika released an audible and very tired sigh. “Melody is actually here as well, you know. And Hanzo.”
“Who is– oh, he’s that bald dude from forever ago that was the worst ninja ever, right? That’s so weird he’s there.”
“I– yes.”
“Melody is alright though,” Killua admitted. Melody was good for Kurapika and did a good job at keeping him in check when needed.
“She’s a very good friend,” Kurapika warmly agreed.
“Oh! Alluka says hi. She’s still upset that she didn’t get to meet you after the election. But then you ran away before we could see you again, and now you’re stuck on that boat, so it’s gonna be a while. So right now, Leorio is her favorite. You gotta up your game, Kurapika, you’re like, third to Leorio and second place is empty. Third to Leorio.” Killua shuttered.
“I can see that you’re trying to guilt trip me into feeling bad,” Kurapika sighed.
“Obviously. Is it working?”
“What a kind thing to do to someone who is helping you, Killua.”
“I mean, what are friends for, right?”
“You know,” Kurapika started. Because as much as he tried to deny it and hide it, Kurapika could sometimes be as much of a little shit as Killua, he’s just usually more polite about it. “Leorio is here too, actually. And has been inducted officially as Ging’s replacement in the Zodiacs.”
Killua’s eyes flew wide and nearly dropped the phone. If he had been drinking something, he’s sure it would have been flying everywhere.
“What?!” Killua incredulously shouted.
Kurapika chuckled. “You’re forgetting that he almost won the election to be Chairman of the Hunter Association.”
“I’m sorry, I forgot that qualifications mean nothing anymore to the Hunter elite,” Killua snarkily retorted. “The only way this makes sense is if he was the PR addition to help boost the Zodiac’s image and pacify the public after everything. He’s the mascot of the mascot characters.” Killua laughed at his own joke. “I’m team Leorio for world dictator or whatever because it’s funny. But you have to concede that the only way he joined the Zodiacs was because Leorio is like the first and only Hunter Association’s meme. I bet he wins the next Zodiac popularity poll by a landslide.”
You gotta love that Leorio’s rise to fame, stardom, and political power has single handedly been because literally everyone hates Ging. Very funny. And because Hunters never gather all together like they did during the election nor will they probably ever do that again, this is the actual only inside joke all of the Hunters have.
New Hunter induction steps are as follows:
- Get your Hunter’s license
- Learn Nen
- HaVe YoU hEaRd AbOuT LeOrIo??
Killua would bet that even if Leorio ends up being a terrible doctor, all of the Hunters would still make appointments to see him. The most well known Hunter in the world, everyone, Leorio Paladiknight.
Shit, does that make Leorio cool now? No, of course not.
“Pariston left the Zodiacs as well, so there’s another new member to contend with Leorio in that popularity poll,” Kurapika slyly commented.
“Who is it? I don’t know who could really compete with meme lord Leorio though.” Killua raised an eyebrow.
“Me.”
“Shut up! What the fuck, Kurapika?!” Killua exclaimed.
“Language! You’re only 12-years-old and shouldn’t be saying that.”
“I’m literally 14, Kurapika, and you don’t you dare try to gloss over that bomb you just dropped?!”
“What are friends for?” Damn Kurapika for using his own sarcasm against him.
“So this is just all payback for the guilt trip then?”
Kurapika snorted. “Of course.”
“So you and Leorio are Zodiacs now? For the record, I stand by what I said. Leorio is winning that popularity poll in a landslide. I bet you get like 5th place at best. Damn, do I have to find a way to join now too? There’s no cat, so the snake might fit me. I think I could beat up the snake lady. You two can’t be elites without us, okay? Gon could be…” Killua trailed off, his voice suddenly losing its enthusiasm, “Gon could be the ox. Cuz he’s so stubborn. And rams his head over and over into things and has a one track mind.”
“That does sound like Gon,” Kurapika remarked. Sensing something might be wrong, he carefully said, “Do you want to talk about–”
“No.” Killua quickly shut him down.
“Are you sure–”
“Seriously, drop it, Kurapika.” Killua tensed up. He wasn’t going to talk to Kurapika about feelings he didn’t even want to talk to himself about. “Anyways, don’t die on that ship before my sister gets to meet you, ok?” He was deflecting, but Killua did mean it.
Realizing it was a losing battle once again, Kurapika relented, “Of course, you don’t get to die either before then too, okay?”
“Yeah,” Killua smiled to himself, “Really though, thanks again, Kurapika. I’ll make sure to keep you updated.”
“Thank you for trusting me with this, Killua.”
As touching as this was, Killua couldn’t resist himself, “So I can trust that you’re definitely going to pick up your phone next time I call, right?”
“Goodbye, Killua.”
“Yeah, yeah, bye, talk later.”
Before he even considered the can of worms that was dealing with his family, Killua had something very important to do first. Killua quickly grabbed the video of Leorio punching Ging and opened up his text chain with Leorio.
Killua || Old Man Leorio
Killua: ging-gets-recked.mp4
Killua: lol you punched him so hard you stole his campaign, his kid, and his job
Killua: because I had to hear about the Zodiacs from Kurapika of all people before you, I am making and running a Leorio meme account in retaliation
Killua: I’m giving you a heads up because I’m nice like that and I make sure to tell my friends when I make big career changes
Killua: enjoy the dumb whale boat to hell
Killua: :3
Serves him right. Alluka’s gonna love helping photoshop Leorio doing all sorts of embarrassing things. Killua feels a little better now. Bullying Leorio never fails to raise his spirits.
He still needed some therapy chocolate to mentally prepare himself for having to interact with his family. Killua grabbed the chocolate bar he had stashed in his bag and quickly woofed it down. Gosh, the sacrifices he’s willing to make to not die.
Killua reluctantly pulled up Milluki’s number. As the phone rang, Killua mentally braced himself for the unpleasant conversation that was to come.
“Killua?” Milluki greeted with a groan. Killua smirked to himself. Any displeasure he can cause his family to experience was a win in his book.
“Ah, well if it isn’t my favorite older brother,” Killua commented jokingly, but then grimaced when he realized that it was actually true. Illumi set a ridiculously low bar.
“What do you want?” he asked shortly. Killua winced as he heard the crunching of potato chips through the phone.
“I need you to put gramps on the phone,” Killua stated. Milluki snorted.
“Why would I do that for you? If you really wanted to talk to him, you should just come home already. Mamma cried for hours after you pulled that stunt with it.” Killua gritted his teeth and dug his fingernails into his palm, attempting to keep his anger in check. He’s given up on trying to reason with his family when it comes to Alluka.
“What do you want?” he managed to get out. Milluki smirked.
“I want Greed Island. The actual game this time, not a save file.” Killua let out a breath. Of course Milluki would be fixated on Greed Island after the last time. A steeper price than he was expecting, but doable. Probably.
“Greed Island is worth more than just putting gramps on the phone. You’ll owe me a favor too,” he countered. Killua knew how desperate Milluki was for Greed Island at this point.
“Eh? You’re not in any position to bargain here! If you don’t like it, then why don’t you come back home and ask gramps yourself,” Milluki shouted indignantly.
“Ok, fine, you’ll owe me two favors then. Or we could bump it up to three just to make it more balanced.” If Killua had to deal with his family right now, he was going to make it miserable for them too. That otaku should be grateful he doesn’t demand 20 favors for that game.
“Ok, ok, fine! One favor!”
“Oh, no, that ship sailed, we were at three favors, but now it’s four.”
“Fine!” Milluki grumbled.
“I’ll get it to you through our normal method. Now put gramps on the phone.” Killua made a mental note to get in contact with Tsezguerra. Killua was sure he’d be willing to sell him a copy after everything that happened. Dodgeball binds people together stronger than most trauma does.
“Just get me that game!” Milluki put the phone on mute. God, what a drama queen. Just for that, next time he visits home (which is hopefully never if he has his way) he’s gonna break some of Milluki’s prized figures.
“Killua?” Zeno’s voice came through the phone. Despite being blindsided by him during the chimera ant invasion, Zeno was still at the top of Killua’s admittedly not very competitive list of most liked family members. Aside from Alluka, of course.
“Gramps! It’s been a while,” Killua said with a tinge of a smile.
Zeno chuckled, “Killua, you certainly know exactly how to make Milluki upset.”
“I wouldn’t need to use him as a middle man if you’d just get a cell phone, gramps.”
“What need do I have for a cell phone at this point?” God, he really was a grandpa. Zeno struggling to learn how to use a cell phone would be really funny though. Killua sighed and pivoted the conversation back on track.
“Gramps, I need to ask some questions about the genetic history of Nen specialists in our family,” Killua stated outright. He really wanted this conversation to be as short as possible. He heard an unexpected sigh come from Zeno.
“Oh, so then you must have discovered that then,” Zeno resignedly commented.
“Explain,” Killua demanded and narrowed his eyes. This was gonna be much more of a big deal then he thought, huh?
“Before I was born, my grandfather, Zigg Zoldyck, voyaged to the Dark Continent and kept some things off the official reports. Zigg touched an unknown object there, something happened, and he suddenly found that he had a strange flame-like specialist ability that he couldn’t seem to activate.” Zeno spoke with an air of reverence like this was an honored story and not that his grandpa had the excellent idea of touching mysterious weird shit on the Dark Continent.
“Seriously?” Killua exasperatedly stared at the ceiling and pinched his nose. Damn, what a great family Killua had. They even found ways to fuck up his life from beyond the grave. Screw Zigg and his inability to reign in his impulsive “I just gotta touch it” tendencies.
Zeno, completely ignoring Killua’s irritation, carried on, “Unable to do anything about it, Zigg waited, and eventually, the effects faded but never went completely away. It didn’t end up negatively affecting him at all, it was just there.” Ok that’s great, looks like Killua’s not gonna die. Small mercies. “My father inherited the same thing, but I did not, neither did Silva, nor any of your siblings. I had thought it was gone for good from the family.”
“Clearly not, or else I wouldn’t be paying for Zigg’s idiocy now,” Killua couldn’t help himself from commenting, huffing slightly.
“He was an honored Zoldyck head, Killua.” Killua could hear Zeno’s disappointment through the phone. He was sure his grandpa was shaking his head.
“Yeah, whatever.” A thought occurred to Killua, “We can keep this between ourselves. No need to tell the rest of the family.” He really didn’t need his parents sending out people to try to bring him back home to “monitor his health” or anything like that.
Zeno chuckled, very used to Killua’s gruff demeanor. “Since it’s not going to negatively affect you, I won’t say a thing. This time.”
Great, time to end the call now while he’s ahead. “Thanks, gramps.”
“Of course, Killua.” Seeing that as a socially acceptable place to hang up, Killua hit the “end call” button as quickly as he could.
Killua truly hadn’t been expecting a family lore dump when he called. He was kinda assured that he wasn’t going to spontaneously die now. Probably. Damn, so the only thing to do is just wait until it fades to the background, huh? That sucks. More skin ants for a while then, yay.
The more he thought over his grandfather’s words, he came to a different realization. He was like Alluka now, and his flame was like Nanika – something other that came from the Dark Continent. That actually made him smile. His sisters would be excited to know that they’re more alike now. It almost made the skin ants worth it. Almost.
Wait.
Did that mean that Nanika was somehow related to the flame thing? Did Alluka have a flame too? He’d have to talk to them about this ASAP.
Killua glanced at the clock. 5:16 pm. Wow, he was really stuck on not fun phone calls for 2 hours. Alluka said she was going to be back at the hotel by 7:00 pm. He sent that text he needed to send to Tsezguerra, and was assured that he’d take care of getting Greed Island to Milluki.
Killua sprawled out on the couch. He deserved a nap after all that.
⚡︎ • ────── /ᐠ - ˕ -マ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ────── • ⚡︎
Killua happily stretched his arms over his head as he laid down on the grass. He glanced out of the corner of his eye at Gon beside him before quickly looking away. Killua was satisfied just laying here in silence, basking in the comfort of knowing Gon was there next to him.
And like all good things, it was quickly ruined by Leorio.
Leorio walked up to the pair with heavy loud footsteps, smiled at Killua and said, “Onii-chan.” Wow, Killua hated that. What a disturbing thing for Leorio to say.
“Onii-chan.”
Killua jolted awake, now realizing it was Alluka calling out to him while lightly shaking his shoulder. Killua rubbed his eyes, still disoriented and blinking awake. He hasn’t slept that deeply in a long time. Normally, he’s able to still be relatively aware of his surroundings and able to wake up at a moment’s notice. Today’s emotional rollercoaster must have affected him more than he thought. He did feel a lot better though.
“You must have been really tired, onii-chan,” Alluka observed as she patted his fluffy hair. “You weren’t stressing out because I was gone, right?” she said with a tinge of worry, hoping that it hadn’t been affecting him.
This was a relatively new development. Now that he was sure Alluka could handle herself if anything happened, Killua thought it was perfectly fine if Alluka wanted to go on day-trips and errands by herself. Killua desperately did not want to be smothering Alluka or make her think that she didn’t have her own independence and agency. Killua didn’t control her. But most importantly, he wanted to make sure that Alluka knew he trusted her and wanted Alluka to build up more trust in herself.
Alluka had been thriving in her new independent “alone” time. She was enjoying the light socialization with the townspeople and exploring the marketplaces on her own. The world was very different without Killua there, and while she was alone, Alluka found she didn’t mind this kind of silence. The twins had figured out that if they got a medical mask and sunglasses, Nanika could walk around and no one would think there was anything off about her. Nanika was overjoyed, and loved being able to walk around in the driver seat more often. Today, Alluka packed herself a picnic lunch and hiked to a very pretty flower field she’d heard about from a local to take pictures of.
Alluka had picked up photography as a hobby. She didn’t want to forget anything on this journey and wanted to remember everything in crystal clarity. Being isolated for so long made her want to preserve every new experience she had. Alluka had quite the eye for it if she did say so herself. She enjoyed taking pictures of Killua and nature the most.
Alluka was still very determined to catch Killua’s embarrassed flushed face on camera. She hadn’t been able to yet, but it would be the crown jewel of her “The Many Faces of Killua” collection. Alluka wouldn’t tell Killua this, but she had started taking photos of Killua to prove to him that he had emotions and was allowed to feel them. Alluka might not know how to read people all that well yet, but she knew Killua. She knew her brother struggled with self-worth, and this was her way of assuring him that he was human just as much as she or anyone else was. She knew that every time Killua glanced at an emotive photo of himself or one of the two of them together, his eyes lightened a little bit, and looked just a little less like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Nanika enjoyed photography just as much, but was much more avant-garde when she got her hands on the camera. Or she’d just take 20 pictures of a single ant, valiantly determined to document the ant’s journey to lug a leaf back home. Or taking pictures of people in crisis and emotional distress. Nanika had this very lovely set of photos of people hunched over with their elbows on their knees and head in their hands. She would squat down in front of them and try to get as much of their face as she could in the frame. Nanika was able to find at least one person like this in every place they went to. She dubbed the collection, “Universal Despair."
Killua was very proud of her, and thought that Nanika should submit it to an art gallery. Nanika wanted to do that eventually, but it wasn’t ready yet, and she’d only submit it if Alluka was done with her collection as well so they could submit together. It was only fitting if their collections were displayed side by side. Nanika and Alluka also thought it would be funny if they had a bunch of photos of dramatic and embarrassed Killua next to pictures of people on the brink of a mental breakdown. The contrast would make each of their collections more impactful.
“I wasn’t stressed out about you.” Killua shook his head and smiled softly. He wanted to assure her that he had no regrets about her solo-roaming time. “Actually, I was stressed out about literally everything except for you today. Thanks for being the least stressful thing about my day!” He cheekily poked Alluka in the side. Alluka puffed up her cheeks and swatted Killua’s hand away. “How was your hike? Did you get any good pictures this time?”
Alluka immediately brightened and whipped out her camera. She started clicking through the gallery excitedly. “It was so great! The locals were right, the flowers there were so pretty in bloom! Look!” She shoved the camera in Killua’s face. He leaned back slightly, and looked at the picture Alluka proudly displayed.
She had gotten a beautiful shot of a giant field of multicolored tulips swaying in the wind against a sunset sky. It was a gorgeous photo, and there would have been nothing weird about it except for the fact that the foreground and main subject of the photo displayed the ugliest looking two headed frog he’d ever seen. The heads were stacked on top of each other at a weird angle. One was upside down. It had two extra hands on its head held up to the sky like antennae. It looked like the unholy love child of a radioactive mistake and a decaying corpse.
It was awesome.
“Woahhh!! That’s so cool! How did you even get it to sit still for the photo?” Killua’s eyes lit up in wonder.
“Zetsu makes me the best nature photographer,” Alluka grinned with pride, “I dub this photo, “Beauty and the Beast.” But check this next one out.” Alluka turned the camera away and clicked through the gallery once more. “Since I was fully hidden with Zetsu, I set the camera to a timer and approached the frog silently and then released Zetsu and poked it with a stick at the same moment. It jumped up in surprise, and I got the BEST photo from it.”
She turned the camera back to Killua once more. It was the same shot composition, but this time, the frog was in the air, fully body extended but contorted and twisted at a weird angle that didn’t seem comfortable, and the most alarmed expression on its faces. One face looked like it was screaming with huge wide bulging eyes like it had seen a ghost, and the other looked like it had just found out that Alluka had stolen its first born child.
“Holy shit, Alluka, this might be your best work yet. This is incredible. We need to frame this,” Killua said in genuine wonder and appreciation. Damn, Alluka really knocked demented surrealism out of the park.
If it was possible, Alluka’s smile got even wider, glowing from her brother’s praise. “Oh, and Nanika got another photo for “Universal Despair.” This one was quite good, too.” Alluka clicked to the right photo and showed Killua once more. “She managed to find a guy who just found out that his son wasn’t really his biological son, and that his wife of 20 years had been lying to him and cheating on him the whole time. Nanika thinks they’re getting a divorce now.” The photo captured the moment perfectly.
“Damn, that guy’s expression really screams “my life is a lie.” You’ve got such a great eye for singling out these people and taking the picture at just the right moment. Excellent job, Nanika!” His sisters were both so talented.
“Nanika says that she’s happy you praised her and that she also really likes this picture,” Alluka relayed, then put her camera down and dug into her bag. She settled down on the couch beside Killua. “I brought us dinner!” She pulled out two take out boxes with silverware and handed one to Killua. “It’s from that place you liked a lot last time.”
“You’re the best! I’m starving!” Killua excitedly dug into the food. After a few bites, Killua figured it was as good of a time as any to bring up his findings for the day. “Soooooo, you know how I have the whole skin ants thing I mentioned feeling?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, after some investigation I did today, I can safely say that the weird secondary Nen flame thing it’s not going to kill me!”
Alluka choked on her food. “W-what? There was a chance it could have killed you?!” Her concern quickly shifted to anger, “Nen flame? You only told me about the skin ants! Why didn’t you tell me you were that concerned about it and that there was a chance it would kill you?” Alluka stared down Killua with furious eyes.
“I didn’t want to worry you unnecessarily before I had all the facts of what was happening,” Killua tried to justify his reasoning, but Alluka wasn’t having that.
“You can’t just not tell me when things just because they’re dangerous, Killua.” Oh no, she dropped the “Onii-chan” while she’s still Alluka in control, not good. “Nanika is furious as well.”
“It wasn’t a big deal!”
“Your life is a big deal to me!” Alluka screamed, eyes alight with worry and anger. Killua got quiet, unsure of how to respond.
“I’m sorry. I’ll be sure to tell you the next time something is a concern,” Killua softly apologized.
Alluka leveled him with a long hard look. “Good, you better. You can’t not tell me things.”
“I know, I’m sorry. But I am trying to tell you now.” Killua gave Alluka’s hand a squeeze before going back to his food. “I was able to talk to Kurapika today, and I have a better idea of what’s going on now. It was cute, I think he cares about this more than I do.”
Alluka huffed and mumbled into her food, “Of course everyone cares about it more than you.”
Killua chose to ignore that, and continued, “We think it is similar to how his Emperor Time functions, but the only difference is that I have no idea what triggered the fire to unlock in the first place, and no clue what the trigger would be to be able to use it. Kurapika suggested there might be a genetic factor, so I called home today and talked to Gramps too.”
“Onii-chan–” Killua waved off her concern and interrupted her.
“It was fine. Turns out we have an idiot back in our family tree who went to the Dark Continent, stupidly touched some magic rocks, and unlocked this fire thing too. It never did anything to him, and just dimmed down over time. It appeared a few other times in our family, but never did anything, just this strange thing that was silently there.” Killua looked Alluka in the eye and smiled. “Since we know it’s benign, I thought you and Nanika might be happy to know that I have something “other” from the Dark Continent inside me too now.”
Alluka’s eyes widened in shock. She was silent for a moment before her eyes started to water. “Nanika and I are very happy.” It wasn’t the same situation as her, not by a long shot, but it made her feel a little less different, and loved that it was something she could share with her brother. Sensing that Nanika wanted to say something, she easily let her take over.
Nanika’s wide black eyes still wet with tears stared lovingly at Killua with a wobbling smile. “Nanika didn’t know Killua had fire too. You’ve been hiding. Nanika loves Killua and Killua’s fire.” Nanika’s speech patterns had improved over the years. Turns out being around other people and not isolated in a box will make your vocabulary better. But she still has a long way to go.
“Nanika, what do you mean “too”?” he asked, startled.
“Alluka has flames too, always had. Like you, from blood. Nanika woke them up by accident when we were born. Now Killua not hiding, Nanika can see. Alluka’s are purple, Killua’s are green.” Nanika patted her own head. “Sorry for Nanika not telling Alluka,” she apologized to her twin, the head pats had been directed at Alluka, “Nanika didn’t know Alluka didn’t know. Always been there.”
“So because you’re used to it since birth, you don’t have to deal with the skin ants? Lucky,” Killua groaned and threw his head back over the couch.
Nanika laughed, “Killua silly. No ants in Alluka, only Nanika. Nanika is not ant.” Nanika still struggled with metaphors sometimes and would often take things literally, but it was so cute that Killua didn’t fully have the heart to correct her every time or fully commit to teaching her otherwise.
“You’re wayyyyy better than an ant! Ants are terrible! Alluka is so lucky to have you while I have the skin ants,” he gagged. Ever since his lovely experience with chimera ants, he’s had a little bit of a hatred towards regular ants. Just bad memories.
“Alluka says that Killua is dramatic and an idiot.” Nanika hesitated, “Nanika does not think Killua is an idiot. Only Alluka.” Killua could practically hear Alluka shouting, “Betrayal!!” from inside. “Nanika loves Killua, but Killua is dramatic, yes.” Nanika chuckled.
“Now you’re both ganging up on me. That’s not fair! My ants can’t help defend me,” Killua countered, but Nanika just laughed harder. “I mean, someone has to know more about this flame thing, right? I just wish we could go somewhere where I could finally get this under control so that I don’t go insane from the skin bugs.”
Nanika peered at Killua curiously before nodding in understanding. “Aye!”
Nanika’s eyes started to glow.
Killua immediately went onto high alert and reached for his sister. “Wait, Nanika–”
The bright white light enveloped everything, and suddenly, they were no longer in their hotel room, and instead were in an alleyway still clutching their take out food boxes. Their bags landed, clattering to the floor a few feet away from them.
Killua quickly scanned Nanika for any injuries then checked himself. They were both fine. That really scared him. He let out the breath he was holding in.
Killua leveled a half-hearted glare at Nanika while brushing the dirt off of him. “Nanika, we really have to do better at teaching you sarcasm,” he bluntly said.
“Nanika does not know what Killua means.” Nanika refused to make eye contact. Killua narrowed his eyes with suspicion. That guilty little shit. She knew what she was doing.
“Right, because Nanika is perfect and knows everything,” Killua sarcastically taunted.
Nanika literally sparkled and smiled earnestly, “Yes! Yes! Nanika is perfect and knows everything. See? Killua is not idiot, Killua is very smart.”
Killua rolled his eyes. He really needed to stop using sarcasm around Nanika. She liked to pick and choose what she took literally, it was always a toss up.
“Sure, Nanika. Soooo now that you’ve worked your magic and brought us somewhere, care to tell us where you’ve taken us and why it couldn’t have waited until after dinner?” Killua needled. Damn colloquialisms making “I wish” a casual comment!
It wasn’t the first time Nanika had decided to use her power of her own accord while “blaming” the wish on Killua. But usually, it was on a much smaller scale. Acting on things like, “I wish I had more chocolate right now” or “I wish we could jump to the front of this line” or “I wish they had this shirt in my size.” Nanika was cheeky and thought it was funny. If Nanika had to stop making requests like Killua had asked, she could stretch her legs and use her powers once and a while to get the double effect of annoying and helping Killua.
“In the flame place like Killua asked so Killua doesn’t scratch off his arms from skin ants! Nanika did very good. Killua now give Nanika praise and head pats.” Nanika held her arms open wide asking for a hug.
“Nanika, what made you think this was a good idea…” Killua started but trailed off when Nanika made a noise of discontent and further wiggled her arms in the air asking for a hug. Not being able to deny Nanika or Alluka much, he caved and gave her a hug much to Nanika’s satisfaction.
“Now head pats,” Nanika demanded. Killua relented and gave her head pats. “And tell Nanika that Nanika did a good job,” she pressed. Nanika was a little manipulator through and through. Damn, his personality rubbed off on her a little too well.
“Yes, Nanika did a good job. So where are we?” he tried to question again. Nanika grunted indignantly and headbutted Killua’s chest while in the hug.
“Nanika already said that we are at the flame place. Nanika cannot be expected to know geography. Nanika is more powerful than geography. Geography bows to Nanika,” Nanika frustratedly explained once again.
Killua raised an eyebrow. “I thought Nanika was perfect and knew everything.” Nanika pulled away from the hug and crossed her arms.
“Nanika is perfect and does know everything,” she insisted.
“Does everything not include geography?” Killua teased. Nanika stuck her tongue out at him.
If Killua wasn’t going to appreciate her good work, then she was going to leave! She’ll come back later once Killua realizes just how good of a job Nanika did. And with that, Alluka took back over.
“Do you have any idea where she’s taken us, Alluka?” Killua tried again while putting on his trusty six strap backpack.
“I don’t see all of Nanika’s thoughts, onii-chan. I’m just in the dark as you are. But I can tell you that Nanika is pretty upset that you don’t understand her supposed genius of this teleportation.” Alluka glanced around the alleyway with disdain as she bent over and grabbed her own backpack. “I’m usually on Nanika’s side, but couldn’t she have made our landing zone a little cleaner?”
“Want to go explore and figure out where we are?” Killua asked with a grin. “Might as well enjoy the mystery.” Really, this wasn’t any different than anything else they’ve done with traveling together.
Alluka matched his grin and held up her camera. “I’ve got my camera out already. Let’s go find some weird stuff.”
⚡︎ • ──── ᓚ₍⑅^.‸.^₎📸 ᓚ₍ ^. ‸.^₎ﾉ🔪 ──── • ⚡︎
Immediately after stepping out of the alley, Killua knew that this wasn’t somewhere he’d been before. It vaguely reminded him of York New city, but it was so much cleaner. Lots of things had little mascot characters, and there was technology he’d never seen before like giant TV screens that covered the whole side of buildings! So cool!
But the biggest thing that tipped them off was that the language was different here. Thankfully, the spoken language was the same, but the written language wasn’t. It wasn’t too bad, he could fake being able to read enough to make it seem not suspicious.
If the language was different, then the money was probably different too. Killua quickly pickpocketed a few people, only taking a few bills from each person. He wanted to make sure they had some money to work with. As he walked by a vending machine, which was noticeably so much more advanced than the ones he’d been used to seeing, Killua noted that the cost for a bottle of water was labeled as ¥150. He wasn’t sure what the currency name was yet, but if a bottle of water cost 150 of them, it meant that the scale of money was proportional to Jenny, as a water bottle from a vending machine back home would be around 150 Jenny as well. That was one less thing to worry about.
“Onii-chan!” Alluka excitedly gestured to a shop that seemed to sell merchandise for some of the mascot characters she’d seen before. She grabbed his sleeve and pulled him in. Alluka was overwhelmed with the level of cuteness of these characters. Her eye gravitated to a white cat-like character with a black hood and a devil tail. Alluka held up the keychain version and snorted. “Look, it’s you, onii-chan.”
Killua laughed and gestured to two other white cat characters that were very similar, one with a red bow, and one with a yellow bow. “Then these two are you and Nanika.”
Alluka agreed and eagerly grabbed the three keychains. She walked to the front of the store. She didn’t even bother to think about the money, Alluka had already assumed Killua had swiped some. Alluka fell just a little bit in love with these cute characters. They matched them so perfectly!! She’s putting these on her backpack as soon as she leaves the store and making Killua put the one she got him on his bag as well.
The sales clerk behind the counter was a kind looking middle aged woman who had a big button of one of the characters pinned to her work apron. “Did you find everything you were looking for?” she asked.
"Yes." Alluka put the keychains down on the counter. “I’ll take these three keychains please.” The clerk began checking them out, and Killua readily handed over the necessary cash.
Killua asked, “Hey, do you have any maps around here that we could look at? We’re trying to plan where we want to go next, and our phones aren’t working.” Which was true.
“Sure, we’ve actually got some Hello Kitty themed maps.” She grabbed one from a stand and handed it to Killua.
He unfurled it. One side had a map of the city, and one side had what seemed to be a larger map of what looked like an island. So this city is on this island. Killua saw there was another map next to the one the clerk had taken off the shelf, this one branded with a different character, and pulled one off the shelf. When he opened this one, Killua only needed to glance at it for a moment before he realized he needed to buy these maps fast and leave the store as soon as possible.
“Hey, I’ll get these two maps too. Thank you!” Killua handed over the money, grabbed Alluka’s hand, and led her out of the shop. He quickly brought them to a street bench on a street with no one walking down it. He opened the map again. “Alluka, look at this! This is a world map!”
Alluka looked down at the map. The shapes of the continents were somewhat recognizable, but their orientation was all wrong. They were twisted, rotated, flipped, or upside down. It was like they were all scrambled up. This wasn’t the world map they knew. The little cute character in the corner holding a small globe now seemed oddly smug to her.
Killua whistled, “Nanika was right, she did make geography her bitch.”
Alluka could distinctly hear Nanika haughtily announce in her head, ‘See, Alluka? Killua understands now. Nanika is more powerful than geography. Geography bows to Nanika. Nanika is perfect and knows everything. Nanika wants apology head pats.’
“Nanika wants apology head pats, onii-chan,” Alluka relayed.
“Yeah, she’ll get them later. Sorry for doubting you, Nanika,” Killua apologized, his eyes never leaving the map, “It has to be connected to the Dark Continent somehow, right? Because that’s where our dumb ancestor got the flames things. And Nanika said this was the flame place.” As Killua’s eyes wandered around the map, he made a mental note to learn the written language as quickly as possible. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think we might be in a parallel world, or a parallel dimension, or something. Maybe the flame things were never supposed to be in the Dark Continent in the first place, and some Nen ability summoned it from here? How would we even get back?”
Alluka was still processing everything, but one thought rang true to her and blurted it out before she could stop herself, “Does it matter?”
Killua tore his eyes away from the map and looked up at her. “What do you mean?”
“Does it matter if we’re in a different world? Does it matter that we find a way back?” she clarified. Alluka’s confidence grew as she spoke and cemented her thoughts, “I mean, I know I should be worried to some degree, but I’m really not. All I’m hearing is that this is somewhere where Illumi– where our family can never reach us.”
Killua’s eyes sparkled as he picked up on what she meant. “We’re actually free here.” For real this time. No more looking over their shoulder worried that Illumi could be there. No more assassin clan head expectations. They could actually thrive here and really live their own lives.
“The more I think about it, the more it seems like just another part of our journey for us. We wouldn’t be doing anything different, just more exploring and seeing places we’ve never been before. But this time, we have the whole world to explore,” Alluka continued, getting more excited about the prospects.
Killua’s excitement had been growing too as he listened to Alluka voice her opinion. But it suddenly dampened down when he realized another implication of what this meant. If his family couldn’t get to him, then neither could Gon. Killua had always imagined that he’d eventually have Gon back in his life again in some capacity. Killua might have been coming to terms with the need for their separation, but he didn’t ever expect there’d be something this final so soon.
In this moment, Killua realized that for all his talk of letting go, he had always been holding onto the “later” and “some day” when it came to his relationship with Gon.
This would be final. It would be the conclusion of their story together.
Killua didn’t know if he was ready for that. But it didn’t really seem like it was up to him anymore. He shouldn’t be thinking this way right now. He already had told himself many times that he was okay with leaving Gon to be with his sister. That it was the right thing to do. That it wasn’t healthy for himself. It really wasn’t.
Killua already made his decision, so why did it feel like the wound was still raw?
‘Oh,’ Alluka realized, watching as sorrow marred Killua’s face, ‘he must be thinking about Gon.’ That was probably the one thing that would tether Killua back and make his heart torn about this decision. Alluka could say something along the lines of, “If Nanika brought us here, I’m sure she could take us back.” but she didn’t have the heart to say it out loud. Alluka could already safely admit to herself that she’d spent all of 1 hour in this world and never wanted to leave. It was perfect. They had cute things and Illumi wasn’t here. Their family wasn’t here. They’d never be able to get here. And Killua was with her. It was practically paradise.
Nanika agreed, ‘See? This place is the best. Nanika does not want to leave either. Nanika is the best.’
‘Yes,’ Alluka easily admitted, ‘Nanika is the best.’
Alluka had no intentions of going back. She wanted to stay here permanently, and because she knew that her brother would never leave without her, it meant that he would be staying here too. Alluka couldn’t break her brother’s heart by putting the idea of potentially leaving one day in his head and then never acting on it. Killua was the only person she had, and she loved him dearly. Because she was choosing to be selfish, Alluka was going to do Killua the courtesy of ripping the band-aid off, valuing his long term happiness over preserving a false hope that would never come to be.
Alluka knew Killua. She knew what would happen if she put that idea in his head. He would waste his life. He wouldn’t make roots, wouldn’t make friends, wouldn’t live life if he knew that none of it would matter and he’d leave everything behind one day, rendering it useless. He’d think it would be better to have not cared then to have cared at all if it was going to end in inevitable heartbreak. He wouldn’t let himself get attached or too invested if he knew it was short term. She couldn’t let Killua put a pause on living his life, instead forever waiting for something that would never happen. Alluka loved Killua too much to do that to him.
She was sure this was the better choice. The happier choice. But it still hurt her that she was hurting him by making this choice.
Alluka was certain Killua had also realized that if Nanika brought them here, she could take them back. She was certain Killua understood what her silence on the matter and not trying to comfort him meant.
“When did you get so smart, Alluka?” Killua smiled, but his eyes didn’t match his words and were clouded with sadness. He quickly blinked back the tears threatening to emerge before Alluka could see them. “You’re right, this is great! Who cares?”
🌍
⚡︎ • ───── ᓚ₍⑅^｡‸｡^₎ﾉﾉ 🗑️ ───── • ⚡︎
The siblings eventually learned that they ended up in a place called Tokyo, Japan. For the next month, they roamed Japan while learning the written language. Alluka thought Kanji was stupid, why did they need three different sub writing systems for their single language? Killua had picked it up easier than he’d expected, because of course he did. Alluka couldn’t fault Killua for being a prodigy at most things, but boy did it make her envious sometimes! She wanted a cheat code sometimes too!
Wait. 'Hey, Nanika, if Killua wished for it, can you make it so that I know written Japanese?’
‘Nanika does not want to. Suffer.’
Alluka wanted to scream. It was so not fair!
They also had this weird custom where they put their last name first and their given name second. Something about how addressing someone by their first name was very intimate and signaled that you were very close with that person, so you needed to be polite and call them by their last name. It didn’t make sense to her. Why would anyone want to be known by their last name? No, she was not biased.
Okay, she was a little biased. She liked being known as Alluka, it emphasized her being an individual. That she was a person. That she wasn’t one of many. She was herself. She also didn’t want to walk around with everyone calling her “Zoldyck.” Killua had felt the same on the matter, and they decided to just ignore the custom and introduce themselves only with their first name so they wouldn’t have a last name to default to.
But Alluka really did like Japan. She especially loved the rich history and the shrines that scattered the landscape. Alluka found that she fit right in at shrines, her go-to outfit mirrored some of the traditional shrine maiden robes. They were so cute! She loved traditional Japanese fashion. She eyed her brother from the corner of her eye. If only she could convince him to wear something better than his usual style. Maybe she’ll get lucky and he’ll let her put him in a kimono one day. She could only dream.
As she continued to day dream about fashion, she wasn’t watching her footing, and tripped over a big book that was left in the middle of the path.
“Oh no, I’m so sorry, are you okay?” A voice questioned her. Alluka looked up. Her eyes locked onto soft brown eyes. The prettiest, kindest eyes she’d ever seen. And they were looking at her. They were concerned for her.
What even happened? Who cares?
She just wanted to keep looking at this extremely beautiful boy.
Ba-dum.
The boy extended a hand out to her to help her up. Alluka took it without thinking about it. “Lambo kicked my book again and it ended up over here, I’m so sorry! Are you blah blah blah blah blah, blah…” Alluka’s brain had yet to catch up on what was happening, let alone be able to focus on what this boy was saying, she was still stuck staring into this boy’s eyes.
‘His eyes are so pretty. Oh my god, he’s such a gentleman, he helped me up.’
‘Nanika thinks so too!’
‘He’s so cute!’
Ba-dum. Ba-dum.
Alluka’s vision tunneled. The whole world blurred around her, going dark and gray around this boy who stood unflinchingly in the darkness like a beacon of light painted in warm inviting colors.
He was actually sparkling, right? Right? Is he an angel?!
Ba-dum. Ba-dum.
Her heart was beating so fast, Alluka almost thought she was having a heart attack.
‘Nanika, what do I do? He’s too cute! I can’t handle it!’
‘Nanika doesn’t know!’
Is- is this what she thought it was?! She’s never thought about another person like this before. Her heart was beating so wildly, and she was sure her face was bright red.
“Alluka?” She snapped her head towards Killua, who had a knowing look, blue eyes alight with mischief, and a teasing grin stretched wide across his face. He looked like he was one step away from laughing hysterically and was enjoying this immensely. “He asked you a question.” Killua gestured to the so incredibly adorable boy in front of her.
Alluka’s eyes met the boy’s once more. She felt like she had been waiting her whole life for this moment. It was like she had been swimming upstream, treading water, and trying not to drown her entire life, but never realized it until this moment when that feeling was suddenly gone. Her whole world shifted, heart ablaze with this new realization. Everything she cared about shifted and re-ordered themselves in priority in her head.
A new cardinal guiding truth made itself known to Alluka for the first time.
‘Oh,’ she thought, her head still feeling like it was in the clouds and her heart lighter than it had ever been before, ‘I understand now.’ Something had awoken inside of her, and it was like a switch flipped.
Alluka smiled, “I’m so sorry, I’m still a bit disoriented from falling.” Alluka purposefully stumbled into the boy, looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes, and grabbed the boy's hands with hers. “Would you hold my hands to make sure I don’t fall again?”
‘This is love at first sight.’
‘Nanika likes the cute boy too!’
Killua’s jaw dropped, eyes wide, unable to believe what he was seeing. Whom the fuck was this?!
A bright red blush exploded across the brown haired boy’s face. He struggled to make eye contact with Alluka, his eyes darting everywhere but her face, clearly overwhelmed and nervous, but he didn’t try to take his hands away. “S-sure! I mean– um, If you’re not feeling good, I’ll make sure you don’t fall again!”
Alluka grabbed onto his arm and pulled it close to her chest, causing the boy to somehow get even more red. “Thank you so much! You’re so kind.” Alluka used her free hand to interlock their fingers together with the arm she had trapped. “I’m so sorry, I missed the question you asked before, what was it?”
“I– I– um– what was it?” The boy stuttered out, his mind still skipping while trying to process this new situation.
“I don’t know, that’s what I’m asking you, silly!” Alluka teased coquettishly. “My name is Zoldyck Alluka. But since you saved me, you should call me by my given name, Alluka. What’s your name?”
‘Oh my god,’ Killua blanched, ‘I did not sit through her ranting several times about how the whole last name first custom was stupid just for her to throw it out the window immediately! Did- did she do it JUST to make it seem more intimate that she’s asking him to use her given name?!’ Killua watched on incredulously. Alluka is really out here using knowledge for evil to torture her poor brother.
“I- I- I’m F-Futa della Stella.” Futa tripped over his words and struggled not to drop his book that was held tightly in his other hand.
“Oh, that doesn’t sound Japanese. I’m not Japanese either, so we have that in common. So then, I’ll call you Futa, okay?” Killua swore that Alluka literally sparkled.
“A-ah, o-okay.” Futa shyly met Alluka’s gaze with a smile.
Alluka giggled.
Alluka giggled. Killua had never heard that sound come out of her mouth before.
‘What the fuck is happening?!’ Killua screamed in his mind, his face stuck in horrid disbelief, still locked into that expression from sheer shock, while his eye violently twitched. It seemed like it didn’t matter that he looked like a frozen deranged manakin because neither Alluka nor Futa had actually acknowledged Killua’s existence, firmly trapped in their own bubble of whatever teen romance bullshit this was.
Don’t get him wrong, Alluka having a crush was not the problem here. He was actually excited to be the cool, supportive older brother. While he could go all over-protective, this is actually all Killua ever wanted for Alluka – to have the opportunity to do normal things and have connections with people outside of himself. He’s actually overjoyed that she’s interested in someone.
What Killua didn’t understand was Alluka’s instant transformation into this smooth-talking, suave, giggling girl?
Was Alluka possessed? Bad choice of words. Was Alluka more possessed than usual?
Killua cursed, swearing that this was somehow Bisky’s fault. Yeah, she’s not allowed to hang out with Bisky again. No way she and Alluka had been “training” like Bisky claimed.
While Killua was busy having an internal panic attack, Alluka had no such problems and kept her conversation going.
“So if you’re not from Japan, where are you originally from, Futa?”
Futa timidly met her gaze. “Italy,” he answered.
“Oh, I love Italy! I’ve always wanted to go,” Alluka replied without hesitation.
Killua was undeniably certain that Alluka knew nothing about Italy, where it was located in the world, or even knew what Italy was in the first place. He was pretty sure this was the first time Alluka had even heard the word “Italy.” Nanika was staunchly ani-geography after all.
“Where are you from, Alluka?” Futa seemed to have gained some of his footing back because this was the first question he’d asked her.
That was something Killua had looked into. The Republic of Padokea didn’t exist here. While they didn’t need to develop an extensive backstory, instead choosing to try to live as close to the truth as they could, after being repeatedly hounded about where they were from, they clued into the fact that foreigners in Japan were a relatively big deal. Killua decided it would be best to pick a place they would be “from” so they could shut down those questions. Nanika had been incredibly not helpful with deciding this part of their backstory. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ Nanika had insisted petulantly, ignoring all of Killua’s carefully laid out logic. Alluka didn’t really care as well, so like most things, it fell on Killua’s shoulders to be proactive and make a decision before it bit them in the ass.
Because the continent shapes were relatively identical, Killua figured out that the Republic of Padokea was in the same place as several countries in this world’s continent of Africa. Kukuroo Mountain specifically would have been located in Algeria. Killua was at a little bit of an impasse – the siblings didn’t know the language of any place other than Japan, and they didn’t know the culture of any of the rest of the world. Thus, no matter where Killua picked to say they were from, it wasn’t like they were going to be able to say anything about the country that would actually reflect the correct degree of knowledge someone should have about their home country. He figured Algeria was as good of a place as any, at least they could quickly point to it on a map if asked, and decided to go with that.
“We’re from Algeria, but we moved around a lot and haven’t been back in a really long time. I like to think we’re from everywhere,” Alluka chirped happily, sounding far more worldly than she had any right to.
‘I’m from everywhere,’ Killua mocked in his head, utilizing his best Alluka impression for his audience of no one, ‘YOU CAN’T EVEN READ A MAP!’ he indignantly screamed.
“S-so do you go to school around here, Alluka? Or are you just passing through? I haven’t seen you around before,” Futa asked, furthering the conversation of his own accord. Futa’s confidence was slowly growing, but his blush was still ever prevalent.
Oh my god, Killua’s going to be doomed to watch 12-year-olds flirt for the rest of his life, isn’t he? Was this divine karma for all the people he’s killed or something? Killua desperately wished someone else was here with him so they could share in his pain of having to sit through this.
Alluka doesn’t even miss a beat, “My brother and I just moved into the neighborhood actually! I’ll be transferring to a local school soon. I can’t quite remember the name of it though, where do you go to school, Futa?” Alluka slyly asks.
She’s lying so easily?! When did she learn that from him?! Killua didn’t know whether to be frightened or proud.
Wait.
What did she say?????
“Oh, that’s great! I attend Namimori Elementary!” Futa answered excitedly.
“I just remembered, Namimori Elementary is the school I’ll be attending as well!” Alluka happily stated.
Futa smiled warmly looking genuinely happy, “That’s great that we’ll be going to the same school!”
In the distance, there was a crashing noise and a kid started crying followed by muffled shouting and gunshots. Alluka was too far off in her self-induced tunnel vision lala land to hear any of it.
Killua was still struggling to process what was unfolding in front of his own two eyes, let alone pay attention to random far off noises.
Proving that he was somehow the only one with a brain, Futa grimaced, “I’m so sorry, that’s Lambo, I’m supposed to be watching him. I have to go take care of him, but I really enjoyed meeting you, Alluka, and we’ll see each other later at school!” Futa apologized, then took off down the street, book tucked under his arm.
Wow, Killua third wheeled so hard that Futa didn’t even notice he existed or deserved a goodbye.
“Bye bye, Futa!” Alluka called, waving after him. Without dropping her smile or bothering to look at Killua at all, Alluka announced, “So we’re gonna stay here now in whatever this town is, and I’m going to that school, okay?” The tone of Alluka’s voice suggested that there was no room for questioning her and had a vaguely threatening tinge.
“You literally lived in a box for like 8 years, how are you the smooth-talking, flirty one, and I’m the emotionally confused awkward mess?” Killua mumbled rhetorically. Alluka just grinned at him.
“I don’t know, but that sounds like a you problem, onii-chan. Do better,” she prodded, eyes still alight and swirling with newfound emotions. Killua sighed. It was really his own fault that Alluka adopted some of his natural antagonism.
Killua had still not fully processed what just happened, nor would he for a while probably, but what he did know was that this was probably the happiest and most full of life he’d ever seen Alluka. She was practically bursting with joy at the seams.
And he wasn’t going to jeopardize that under any circumstances. He’d do whatever it took to preserve that.
“Of course we’re staying here,” Killua agreed easily while straightening out the expression on his face into something more casual, “Don’t worry, I’m ready to settle into my new role as the worst stay at home mom ever. I was gonna let you stay up as late as you want, but now that you have a boyfriend, you’re on a curfew young lady,” Killua laughed. He might not want to be the overbearing brother, but he was absolutely going to be the teasing brother. “I also need you to know that we will be extensively talking about what the fuck just happened later. No you can’t get out of it. You made me listen to you flirt with that kid, I am entitled to reparations.”
Embarrassed by her brother’s teasing, Alluka’s smooth air had vanished, her now very flushed cheeks puff up, but her attempt to look intimidating has instead made her look more like a very cute squirrel. Alluka opened her mouth to retort, but a thought crossed her mind. Suddenly, a very sly grin worked its way onto her face.
“Oh no, onii-chan, don’t you see? You have to go to school too.” Killua froze mid laugh, his smile now rigid. Alluka smirks, perfect. Time to lay it on thicker. “You said you were going to give me a normal life. And if I want to have a normal life, I can’t have people asking questions about why my older brother and only guardian is a delinquent who isn’t in school when he’s clearly not old enough to have already graduated. Think of the rumors that would haunt my every step. I would never be normal.” She didn’t even feel bad about using emotional blackmail against him.
Killua reluctantly concedes, “Who taught you how to be manipulative?” He didn’t have the heart to even try to argue with her about this and possibly ruin this happiness high she was on. Did Killua want to go to school? God, no. But if this is what it took to ensure Alluka’s normal life, he’d gladly do it. Not that he absolutely wouldn’t complain and bitch about it along the way.
Alluka stared blankly at him with a raised eyebrow. Her expression silently said, “You did.”
“You’re much too powerful now. I regret everything.”
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