Chapter Text
“REID!” Penelope squealed, her cheeks pink as she grabbed the colorful throw pillow from behind her and whacked him with it. “You TOTALLY just spoiled The Hobbit for me! I’ve never seen it!”
Spencer cowered as she continued to smack him with the pillow. “The book came out in 1937. I hardly think sharing an important plot detail nearly a century later constitutes a spoiler—”
“Yes, it does!” Penelope whined. She curled into him, taking his hand between hers and kissing his cheek. “Lucky for you, I can’t stay mad at your adorable face and thus, you’re forgiven. Assuming you don’t call out every detail from the book missing in the movies when we finally watch.”
Spencer perked up. “Really? We can have my dream marathon of the extended The Lord of the Rings trilogy plus The Hobbit trilogy? It comes out to approximately twenty-one hours, but if we strategically plan out nap breaks and food deliveries—”
That familiar tinge of envy grew in her stomach, tightening around her body like the greenest of ivy. But all ivy did was suffocate, until that jealousy gave way to sadness.
Toe-curling, eye-watering, breathtaking devastation.
Whenever she was with Spencer and Penelope—which was often given their jobs and close friendship—it was the same sequence of events. She’d be over the moon, just positively giddy to hang out with her best friends. They’d have fun, sharing dinners or watching movies or visiting some cool new exhibit at a local museum. But eventually, the other two would express their closeness, their… fondness for each other, and she’d be right back to jealousy then sadness.
It was pathetic. Every part of it.
It was pathetic that Spencer and Penelope were so obviously in love and yet they weren’t together. It was pathetic that she was in love with Spencer and couldn’t take a hint.
It was pathetic she’d known these facts for years and hadn’t attempted to move on. It was pathetic she’d eventually end up ruining the best friendship she’d ever had with two wonderful people because her heart just couldn’t get the message.
It was pathetic how many tears she’d cried. How many nights she laid awake. How many times she inadvertently hoped for her friends not to find their happiness together just so she’d have a chance with the man of her dreams.
She was pathetic.
“—going to join?” Spencer asked her, wearing one of those boyish, hopeful smiles. The same one that sent her heart beating frantically in her chest. “We’re planning on a month from now, during our mandatory time off.”
She swallowed, glancing at Penelope, to make sure it was ok. But Penelope was too busy on her phone, taking a selfie and laughing. She looked back to Spencer.
“You—you want me there?”
His brows furrowed. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“I just—well—the fantasy stuff is kinda you and Penelope’s thing.”
He laughed. “It is, but the more the merrier. You have to join us.”
Even though her brain shouted no, to avoid the movie marathon and their guaranteed lovey-dovey display, her heart couldn’t reject him.
“I’ll be there,” she promised.
Spencer grinned. “Amazing. I—” His phone rang, and despite her distance, she saw JJ’s name flash across the screen. “One sec.”
He disappeared into Penelope’s bedroom.
Hopefully a case wasn’t stealing them away.
Penelope was still distracted, so she took a moment to run to the kitchen to refill her drink. But as she passed the cracked door to the bedroom, she couldn’t help but listen into Spencer’s conversation.
“—yes, I did that,” he said, voice hushed, “but—JJ!” He whined. “I’m trying, ok? But every time I try to… what did you call it?” Silence. “Yes, fine, make a move… it doesn’t work. We… touched during the movie and it didn’t work. We even shared a blanket and—” He sighed. “I’m not doing that. I’m not telling her how I feel.” Silence, then, “What do you mean why not? I could list out one hundred and one reasons why telling her would ruin—”
Swallowing the lump in her throat, she returned to the kitchen and leaned over the sink as the first tears fell. Memories of their movie night flashed across her mind. Spencer between the two of them, all three buried under Penelope’s rainbow chunky knit blanket. Penelope laying her head on Spencer’s shoulder. Penelope feeding him popcorn. Spencer holding out her drink and straw for her so she could sip.
It was so fucking sad when for most of the movie, all she could focus on was her and Spencer’s thighs touching. But inadvertent leg brush-ups could never compare to the relationship the other two had. And even though she’d speculated for years, even though she’d accepted the truth long ago, hearing his words to JJ was the first time one of them had acknowledged it aloud.
What was she supposed to do now?
Did she quit her job and move to Australia? Did she pretend nothing happened and continue her pathetic pining over a man who’d no doubt soon be in a relationship with the love of his life?
Did she… help her clueless best friends get together, even if it destroyed her heart in the process?
“Can I ask your advice on something?” Penelope asked.
Frantically rubbing away her tears, she turned and chirped out, “Of course! What’s up?”
“Well… recently, I’ve realized I have feelings for someone I’ve known for a long time. But… doing anything about it would be… inappropriate, and if it didn’t work out, it could seriously jeopardize—”
Oh god. Was she going to cry again?
“Penelope—” she stuttered out. “Just um… you have to… you have to decide what matters more to you.”
Penelope tilted her head, like a dog intrigued by a sound. “What do you mean?”
“I mean… what do you value more? The safety of the status quo or pursuing something that could make you incomparably happy?”
“Ugh, that’s great advice. You’re so smart!”
Spencer stepped out of the bedroom, and Penelope’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. She rushed over and took his hand. “Should we grab a late-night bite at the diner down the street?”
He groaned. “Can I go back there after—”
“Stop it! It was one time! I promise they don’t remember—”
“—they absolutely do! I think—”
“What…” She swallowed, embarrassment burning her cheeks. “What are you two talking about?”
Penelope waved her hand. “Just something silly that happened during Spencer’s first year with the BAU.”
“Oh. You… two have been friends for so long.”
Penelope grinned and kissed his cheek. “That we have. Right, Boy Genius?”
He blushed and nodded. “Right.”
“Let’s go!” Penelope demanded, linking her arm with Spencer’s. “Suddenly, all I can think about is a breakfast burrito and they serve breakfast all day.”
Now it was Spencer’s turn to light up. “Can we…?”
“Duh. Our splitsies are my favorite.” Penelope tugged. “Now, let’s go!”
She followed wordlessly, staring at her feet as Penelope and Spencer debated which sweet dish he’d order—cinnamon French toast? A chocolate chip waffle? Blueberry pancakes? And sure, Spencer would turn her way every few seconds, asking her opinion on waffles and what her favorite breakfast meal was and if she’d ever been to the diner before but…
He was just being nice. She was the third wheel. Always the third wheel with those two.
Especially when they got a back booth and as promised, Penelope joined Spencer for splitsies. With the ease and familiarity of two people who loved each other, they wordlessly cut their food in half and traded. Penelope doused half a breakfast burrito—extra cheese, extra crispy hashbrown—with salsa and handed it over to Spencer. Spencer cut his chocolate chip waffle in half and scooped approximately three-quarters of the whipped cream onto her portion.
“It’s the perfect distribution of flavors,” Spencer explained. “Half sweet, half salty.”
She was plenty familiar with their splitsies. Half sweet, half salty. Half crispy, half chewy. Half creamy, half spicy. During greasy dinners, they’d split Penelope’s grilled cheese and Spencer’s cheeseburger. At their favorite Mexican restaurant, it was Penelope’s enchiladas and Spencer’s nachos. For Italian, Penelope would carefully cut in half her favorite calzone, and Spencer would carefully portion out his fettuccine alfredo.
If Spencer had asked, she would’ve split her food.
But he didn’t. Because why would he? Penelope was his best friend.
Penelope was the perfect woman for him.
And as she ate her very boring omelet, watching Penelope and Spencer laugh about spilled salsa and whipped cream, she wondered if it was a form of masochism to put herself through the same pain over and over again.
She sat at her desk, watching Penelope and Spencer by the coffee machine. He whispered something in Penelope’s ear, and Penelope grinned up at him, smacking his chest as she giggled. Spencer blushed and averted his gaze, but Penelope kept beating his chest as she squealed in delight.
What were they talking about? What did he say that made Penelope light up? What did Penelope say that made him go as red as her lipstick?
God, she needed to stop it. Not only did she need to come to terms with the feelings those two clearly held for each other, but she also needed to calm these growing feelings of resentment for one of her best friends. Penelope was an angel, so why was she suddenly tensing whenever she heard her voice?
She gripped her pen tighter, desperate to focus on her work.
But it was no use. Especially when Derek noticed her distraction.
“You ok, pretty girl?” he asked.
Since the minute she’d joined the BAU, he’d given her the feminine version of his nickname for Spencer. Because according to Derek, they were both too pretty and needed to have pretty babies. Unfortunately, Spencer clearly didn’t see Derek’s vision.
“You’ve been a little… out of it this week,” he continued. “What’s distracting you?”
Despite her best efforts, her gaze darted back to Penelope and Spencer. He was making himself a cup of coffee, his head beside Penelope’s, because apparently whatever he had to say was for no one else’s ears.
Derek followed her line of sight. “Wait. Do you…” He gasped. “You know, don’t you?”
She swallowed, fiddling with her pen. “Do I know what?”
“Shit. You totally do.” He rolled his chair into her desk and smiled softly. “So… what do you think? How do you feel? Are you two—”
“I really don’t want to talk about this.” She slammed her case file shut. “I… I don’t think it’s a good idea, ok?”
His brows furrowed. “What? Seriously? But I thought you—”
“That I’d what? Sign off on a relationship between colleagues, between… friends?” The tears burned her eyes and she—God, she needed to get out of there. Standing, she mumbled, “I gotta go.”
Ignoring Derek’s inquiries, she rushed towards the bathroom. She’d scarcely made it into a stall before she was sobbing. First JJ, now Derek. Everyone knew. Everyone supported. She was the only outlier, her heart shattering further every day. Soon there’d be nothing left, and then what? How would she possibly do her job?
She gave herself five minutes to cry, before deciding to take a break outside. Maybe the sunshine would cheer her up. After fixing her puffy eyes and ruined makeup, she took off for the courtyard. Beside a stretch of colorful bushes, she sat on a bench, watching the squirrels run amok and the birds enjoy their afternoon.
“Did you know that a squirrel’s teeth never stop growing?”
Her gaze jumped, landing on Spencer in front of her. He was still red from his conversation with Penelope, smiling like it was the best day of his life.
Maybe it was.
It felt like her worst.
“Their four incisors are elodont, which actually means forever growing teeth. They can grow up to six inches a year,” he continued, watching a squirrel dart past them. “Fascinating creatures. There are actually six species of squirrel in the greater D.C. area—”
“Spencer,” she whispered. Under normal circumstances, she could listen to him spout statistics for hours. But not today. “Does the team need me for something?”
“No—”
“Then why are you out here?”
He frowned. “Oh. Well, I just—” He cleared his throat. “Morgan said he saw you leave so I… went looking for you.” Sitting beside her, he added, “He said that you… well you… do you really think colleagues dating would be so… bad?”
The burning in her eyes was back. What did she do to deserve this level of torture?
“Spencer—”
“I just—what if—” He swallowed, his attention locked on his hands. “What if those two colleagues are perfectly suited for each other? What if they’re super compatible because they like the same things, and they get along perfectly, and when they spend time together it’s like the world stops spinning—”
She dug her nails into her thighs. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
Dear God, please don’t cry.
“Spencer—”
“I just think,” he continued rambling, “that while intradepartmental relationships can be a recipe for disaster, they also can be done responsibly. Tactfully. And—”
“Ok,” she whispered, forcing her gaze to his. She smiled sadly. “You’re right.”
Not that it mattered if teammates dating was right or wrong. All that mattered was how desperate he was for her to tell him that he was ok to pursue Penelope. That he wasn’t doing anything terrible by following his heart.
She should’ve been delighted that their friendship was so strong that he wanted her blessing.
Instead, she just felt empty inside.
He gulped. “I—I am?”
“Yeah.” Her face hurt. From the dried tears. From the fake smile. “It just… depends on the couple. That’s all I meant when I was talking to Derek.”
“That’s—that’s great.”
His relief was adorable. The dimpled smile. The glossy eyes.
How was she going to survive?
“You’re coming over tonight, right?” he continued, eyes wide and hopeful. “It’s our usual movie night.”
Our.
Aka her, him, and Penelope.
Always the three of them.
Truthfully, she didn’t much feel like going, not when she suspected Spencer was finally building up the confidence to tell Penelope how he felt. And if she had to sit there and watch?
She’d simply perish.
“—superhero films, but there’s an argument to be had for—”
Spencer was so fucking handsome in the golden sunlight. She’d never be able to tell him no.
“—but if you’d prefer something happier, we could watch—"
“I’ll be there as always,” she promised. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
His smile bloomed like the rose bush behind them.
Her heart wasn’t going to make it, was it?
The rest of the day, she was kept busy with a stack of cases from across the country. Nothing pressing enough for the team to travel for, but she worked diligently to write up preliminary profiles for every single one.
It was about three hours before the end of the workday when she needed Penelope to look into a few old cases for the profile she was working on for a string of murders in Madison, Wisconsin. She found Penelope in her office, humming happily as she clicked away.
“Hey girl!” Penelope cried excitedly, spinning her desk chair. “What can I do for you?”
She smiled softly. “Just need your big brain and computer skills.”
Within ten minutes, Penelope had the information she needed, and the profile was set aside as conversation teetered into more casual stuff. A new coffee shop, Derek’s newest conquest, Rossi’s new haircut.
“Oh!” Penelope leaned towards her, grinning. “I meant to thank you. I spent a long time thinking about it and… I’m going to take your advice.”
She swallowed. “My… advice?”
“Yes! About my new feelings. I realized that while I’m worried about messing up our friendship or getting in trouble, I’m more distraught by the thought of not being with him. I don’t know if he feels the same but… I’m willing to take the risk.”
“That’s…” Her smile hurt. Like her skin was burning for every second of performance. “That’s amazing. You… you really love him then?”
Penelope sighed wistfully. “I think so. I don’t know when it happened but one day, I just looked at him and… everything clicked. I haven’t figured out how and when I’m going to tell him, but I will. I swear. Gosh, maybe I should tonight. Unless that’s crazy. Is that crazy? Should I wait? Set up a romantic moment—"
“I’m so happy for you,” she interrupted, not able to listen to any second longer. “I’m… I’m sure he feels the same.”
Penelope giggled, her cheeks matching her lips. “I hope so! I’ll keep you updated. I know you’ll love all the dirty details.”
The room was spinning, Penelope’s little enclave shrinking into a prison cell of her own creation. Every fairy light was a shackle, and her breaths began to stutter as she stumbled backwards.
“Girl, are you ok?” Penelope asked. “You’re looking a little… blue.”
“Just… low blood sugar. I need a snack.” Swallowing, she practically threw herself into the door and choked out, “I’ll see you at movie night.”
Before Penelope could respond, she slipped out, the first tears falling. As she rushed towards the bathroom, she ran through every possible excuse for getting out of movie night. She couldn’t show up to watch those two fawn over each other. What if they started holding hands? Making out? Staring blissfully into each other’s eyes?
She had to—she had to—she couldn’t—
“—tonight? Seriously?” Derek’s voice echoed from the kitchen. “Reid, my man!”
With her hand on the bathroom door, she froze. She couldn’t help it. Just hearing Spencer’s name paralyzed her.
“It’s—it’s not a big deal,” Spencer begged. “We always get together for movie nights. But—I—tonight. That’s what I promised myself.”
Her hand swallowed her sob. She rushed back into the bathroom and into the largest stall, dropping to the corner so she could cry into her knees.
Tonight, it all ended. The blissful ignorance. The tiny sliver of hope that maybe he felt the same. The freedom of not seeing her best friends dating.
Tonight, Spencer and Penelope would finally get together. And the most heartbreaking detail of all was that they deserved that happiness. They deserved each other.
She took a shaky breath. In her years with the BAU, she’d encountered plenty of terrifying situations and unsubs. And yet none had ever made her as nervous as she was for that night.
Because she knew she had to go. She needed to witness the coupling herself. Maybe the sight of their happiness would finally release her heart and begin the healing process.
Maybe closure would be the grace she needed.
After a few more minutes of pathetic crying, she cleaned herself up and got back to work.
But she had a sneaking suspicion that after tonight, that corner would become her new home away from home while in the office.