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Seungcheol wasn't just some guy. Sure, from just one look, he seemed just like any other man off the street. But there was something about him that made you want to take another look and with that look, you would notice something that would draw you in. Maybe the eyebrows, characteristic and playful. Maybe the hair, but it depended on how he had styled it that day. Maybe even the way he walked, sure of himself, his shoulders carving spaces in the universe that were destined for him.
For Jeonghan though, it was that damn dimple.
He watched him from the other side of the table, talking to their friends, waving his arms around trying to get his point across. His eyebrows always worked along with his words, and everyone at the table was just as raptured. Seungcheol knew how to command people’s attention, but he also knew how to charm. He smiled. A soft one, but enough that the dimple slowly deepened and made Jeonghan go weak in the knees.
Fuck.
It took Jeonghan back to the first day they had met. They were both fifteen years old and had been put into the same class that year. They sat a few desks away from each other, both nervously smiling to the people next to them trying to make friends. Jeonghan noticed this boy with the dimple as he gingerly made his way to a group of boys in the last row who were laughing about something. He introduced himself, slowly gaining confidence with every word and of course the other boys took him in. He was accepted easily and Jeonghan took notice of that.
It took Jeonghan a few more weeks to gather up the courage to talk to Seungcheol. He thought of every excuse he could think of to start a conversation.
Hey, you dropped your notebook.
No, that was stupid. Who even drops their notebooks?
Do you want to sit next to me for lunch?
This would have worked, except Seungcheol sat with his friends every day while Jeonghan sat on an empty table in the corner of the room. Why would anyone want to sit next to him?
He spent his nights thinking about what he could say, something that would put him in the vicinity of the boy who lived in his mind. In the end, he didn't even have to do anything because on one random day, Seungcheol caught him looking and immediately smiled. Dimples deepening on both cheeks, brown eyes shining bright, Seungcheol made eye contact with Jeonghan for the first time and immediately came up to him and said, "Hey."
It was that easy.
They started up an easy friendship, Seungcheol pulling Jeonghan into his group of friends, who all revered Seungcheol enough to not say anything about a new friend hanging out with them. Shy, introverted Jeonghan, sat in their group, quiet and listened to them talk, make jokes, and felt himself get pulled into friendship. Soon enough, he belonged with them. He told himself that he had built friendships with each and every one of those boys separately and that was largely true, but none of it would have happened if not for Seungcheol. Jeonghan knew, he fit in with those boys because of Seungcheol.
Now, they were all thirty years old, still friends with each other and even though life took them to different places, they all made time to meet once in a while, grabbing drinks and food at a bar and catching each other up on life.
Seungcheol and Jeonghan probably talked to each other more than they did with anyone else in the group. They each had their own relationships with the others, but at the end of the day, it was Seungcheol that Jeonghan messaged when he was feeling low and Seungcheol, who would run over to Jeonghan's place with a bag full of takeaway food and sit with him for hours while they talked.
At the table, that day, Mingyu was sharing a story with all of them about how he had gone fishing with Wonwoo and his parents. He talked about the place they had all stayed at, a rustic cabin but modern and well equipped, by the river. He recommended the others who liked fishing to also go there and Seungcheol asked Mingyu to send him the link of the place. Jeonghan wondered quietly who Seungcheol would take with him on a fishing trip.
"Oh, Joshua!" Wonwoo then said, changing the conversation. "How was that date you went on?"
Everyone turned to look at Joshua, who blushed a little and said, "Good. It was good."
Wonwoo raised an eyebrow at Joshua, “Just good?”
"Fine! It went great, okay!" Joshua exclaimed and the table laughed at their friend.
Dokyeom, who sat next to Joshua, with Jeonghan on the other side of him shifted a little uncomfortably, still with a smile on his face. Not everyone caught that, least of all Joshua, who was now being asked questions about the date in detail by Wonwoo.
Jeonghan instinctively looked for Seungcheol, who made eye contact with him and gave him a knowing smile. They both knew they would talk about this later.
Later that night, after many drinks at the bar and them drunkenly making it to Jeonghan’s house, Seungcheol lounged on Jeonghan's couch with Jeonghan on the other end. Seungcheol's knees touched Jeonghan's thighs and Jeonghan's arms were around the couch behind their heads. Every time they went out and had a bit too much to drink, they wound up at one of their houses together. The alcohol wearing off them slowly, they would talk about everything that they hadn’t said to each other all night and unwind more comfortably than that they would with anyone else. Sometimes they fell asleep together on the couch, sometimes Seungcheol took up all the couch and Jeonghan went to sleep in his own bed. Sometimes they would both end up in bed, aware of each other’s arms, but falling asleep in familiarity.
That night, Seungcheol was scrolling on his phone, eyebrows furrowed, looking serious, but Jeonghan found his expression endearing.
"What're you looking at?", he asked.
"Just the link that Mingyu sent me about that fishing place."
"Oh right, you thinking of going?"
"Yeah, I was thinking it would be nice to get out of the city for a change."
"That sounds nice." Jeonghan hesitated before asking in a softer voice he hoped would go unnoticed, "You want to go alone or with someone?"
Seungcheol looked up at Jeonghan, and Jeonghan felt his heart drop into his stomach.
Is he finally going to ask me?
After a moment, Seungcheol shrugged and said, "Don't know yet. Let's see."
He shifted and lay down on the throw pillow. He yawned, stretching his arms over his head and closing his eyes.
Jeonghan stood up, knowing that this meant Seungcheol would be asleep within the next few seconds. The moment he did, Seungcheol stretched out his legs but then gave Jeonghan a soft smile.
'Goodnight, Jeonghan-ah.'
Jeonghan's heart warmed and he carried the warmth of that smile with him to his room while switching off all the lights. He closed his bedroom room, lied down on his bed, and sighed.
It was never going to be him.
The truth was, Jeonghan didn't even know what he truly wanted. Was he in love with his best friend? Yes, since the moment they met. It had taken him years to realise what it was, but a part of him had always known that Seungcheol was and always would be on his mind. It wasn't the kind of love that reared its head surprisingly. It was the quiet, easy kind that came with friendship over many years. There hadn't been one moment for him to point out and say ‘ah that's when I knew’. He just knew he loved Seungcheol and not just like a friend.
That was the complicated part though, he also loved Seungcheol like a friend. He loved how competitive he got, but was fiercely loyal to everyone he cared about. He loved that they could tell each other anything, not worried the other would judge them for their mistakes or flaws. He loved that they could be honest with each other and call each other out. He loved that they could argue about something, stupid or life changing, and still find a way to hold love and respect for each other and come back and work it out. He couldn't imagine his life without Seungcheol in it and he knew that if he was to ever sit with his true feelings, it would jeopardize their friendship. That was not a risk, he was every willing to take. Not with the most important person in his life.
That night, Jeonghan told himself, it was the drinks. They had had fun and Seungcheol had looked drop dead gorgeous in his work clothes, white shirt with the sleeves rolled up and the tie loosened enough to look casually cool. He told himself it was what he had always known, but it wasn't anything more. He fell asleep softly, dreaming of hands he knew so well, reaching out for his.
The next morning, Jeonghan woke up and heard noises from his kitchen. He opened his door and walked to the kitchen and saw Seungcheol in just his boxers making two cups of coffee.
Jeonghan gulped, took a deep breath, and walked into the kitchen. It was not unusual for Seungcheol to walk around his house like it was his own. He had done this several times before. They had an easy domestic life, on days like these, when they were both hungover. They would order food and spend their free day together and Seungcheol would leave in the evening to go back to his place. Jeonghan had spent nights and days at Seungcheol's place too, both of them comfortable in each other's spaces.
That day, Jeonghan, having had all these thoughts come up the night before, stood behind Seungcheol in the kitchen and watched his back. He saw the muscles and the way they formed the strong, dependable shoulders. He saw Seungcheol's tattoo of a tree, faded a little over time, but still intricate and beautiful. He stood behind him long enough for Seungcheol to notice and flinch as he turned around.
"Fuck. You walk too quietly."
"Morning." was all Jeonghan managed to say, because when Seungcheol turned, Jeonghan was hit with another picture. Seungcheol's chest, his silver necklace hanging on his neck and messy hair. Messy hair that looked like a lion's mane. And then Seungcheol smiled, those dimples deepening and eyes warming Jeonghan all over.
"Morning sleepyhead. I made coffee for us.", Seungcheol took both mugs and gestured to the coffee table and couch.
Jeonghan followed, blinking himself into being awake and mentally composing himself.
He's your best friend. He's your best friend. He's your best friend. He doesn't see you like that and you are being creepy right now.
"Ohmygod, we didn't talk about Dokyeom and Shua last night." Seungcheol said, dropping into the couch and getting comfortable.
"Oh fuck, yes." Jeonghan said, coming out of his head. "Did you see how Dokyeom reacted?"
Seungcheol nodded and said, "Poor guy. Shua is just so clueless. Also, stupid Wonwoo, bringing up his date like that."
"I don't know if Wonwoo knows, though."
"Really? I assumed he would because Mingyu clearly knows and probably would have told him."
"I think Mingyu hasn't told anyone because Dokyeom told him not to tell anyone."
"Ah okay. Wait, how do you know that?" Seungcheol asked, his eyebrows raised.
God, he looks so good when he does that.
Jeonghan sipped his coffee and smiled into it, "Well, Dokyeom kinda told me, and he told me he told Mingyu as well, and also made me promise not to tell anyone."
"But you told me!"
"I did."
"Wow, Yoon Jeonghan. You cannot keep a secret. Oh my god." Seungcheol teased.
"Hey! I had to tell someone! This is huge! Imagine if two of our friends ended up together."
"Wonwoo and Mingyu are already together."
"Yeah, but those two have been together forever, so it doesn't count. This is Dokyeom, we are talking about. The guy who has always been so nervous to talk to his crushes. Of course he had to go fall for his best friend."
Wow, you are such a hypocrite.
"Shua has absolutely no clue at all." Seungcheol said. "We went for lunch the other day and he was telling me about this girl he went on the date with. He said it went really well and she seems to want something more serious."
"Oh no. Poor Dokyeom. He's going to be heartbroken.
"Yeah, it sucks."
Exactly. It would suck for you to hope for anything more as well.
"Still though." Seungcheol added, drinking his coffee. "What a great story right? Two best friends, ending up together after all these years?"
He didn't look at Jeonghan when he said that and Jeonghan felt that pit in his stomach where hope tugged. He watched Seungcheol, so comfortable on his couch, drinking coffee out of his mug, looking perfectly gorgeous.
"It would be a great story." Jeonghan said, softly.
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Seungcheol left Jeonghan’s place in the afternoon, after they had eaten lunch. They had ended up watching a movie together. Halfway in, Jeonghan had leaned against his shoulder and Seungcheol held himself steady because he knew soon enough, Jeonghan would fall asleep there. After a while, Seungcheol heard Jeonghan's softly snoring and smiled.
He felt that flutter in his heart, so familiar, and softly pushed Jeonghan's hair out of his face. The moment his fingertips touched skin, Seungcheol felt something electric. It was always like this.
Jeonghan was a beautiful man, but not everyone got to see this side of him. He was shy around people, only let himself be goofy with those he trusted. When he was goofy, he was a whole other kind of beautiful. He was soft and kind but he was also on guard all the time. It was only with Seungcheol that he let that guard down and let himself be taken care of.
Seungcheol watched his best friend sleep on his shoulder, peacefully for a few minutes.
After a while, he turned off the movie, moved Jeonghan slowly onto the throw pillow and pulled the throw blanket over him. He stood up, took the empty plates to the kitchen, and washed up before changing into his clothes and leaving. He was almost at the door, when he walked back in, went to the kitchen, and pulled a post-it off the fridge. He wrote a little note and stuck it onto the coffee table. It would be the first thing Jeonghan would see when he woke up.
‘Left for home. Take rest and we'll talk later. Bye.’
He stood up and looked at Jeonghan sleeping peacefully and smiled.
Ugh, he has no idea what he does to your heart.
He walked away, wishing he didn't have to. He closed the door behind him and left for his place.
On the taxi ride home, Seungcheol thought about how easily Jeonghan had stolen his heart. It had all begun when they were in school and he noticed this quiet, shy boy looking at him. He had gone up to say hi, but the moment he got closer, he felt a pull to him. Jeonghan was beautiful, of course. His eyes were round and he looked at Seungcheol like there were stars in his eyes. His voice was sweet and he seemed eager to make friends. Seungcheol immediately wanted to spend the rest of his life being this boy’s friend.
He brought him into the group of friends he had made. He took him home and introduced him to his parents. He shared his feelings, his hopes, and dreams with Jeonghan and every day since they met, he felt like he had found his soulmate.
Jeonghan was someone who always shared his passions. When they played football, they both played competitively but would always choose each other over anyone else. When Seungcheol discovered he loved a new thing, he would excitedly tell Jeonghan about it, knowing for sure that he would love the same thing.
Jeonghan was not someone Seungcheol was ever going to take for granted because he knew what they had was special. Not everyone stayed friends with their childhood friends, but more importantly, not everyone had what these two had.
His phone buzzed, just as he got out of the taxi.
‘Just woke up. Did we even finish the movie?’
Why is your heart racing? It's just a text, calm down.
‘Lol, no but we can finish it another time. Did you rest well?’
‘Ya, I didn't even realise when I dozed off.’
‘Good. Get some more rest, then. I just got home.’
‘Ok. Going back to my nap, goodnight Seungcheollie.”
Still staring and smiling at his phone in his hand, Seungcheol walked into the elevator and up to his flat. He turned to open his door and found Joshua standing there.
‘Where the fuck have you been?” Joshua said.
“At Jeonghan's.” He replied with a frown and stepped forward. Joshua looked wrecked. Not hungover, not tired. Completely wrecked like something else was going on. “What the hell happened?”
“Well, open the door and let's go in first. I'll tell you after you sit down.”
Seungcheol hurriedly opened the door and they both walked in. Joshua went straight for the couch and pointed for Seungcheol to also sit next to him.
“Okay, tell me what happened, because I'm getting worried now.”
“Did you know?” Joshua asked, staring him down. His eyes were dark and furious.
“Did I know what?”
“About Dokyeom?” Joshua stuttered at the name, but his eyes softened.
“Uh…”
“So, you did.” Joshua looked furious again.
“Wait, not really, but how did you…’
Before he could finish, Joshua reached for the throw pillow next to him, buried his face in it and screamed.
“Whoa!” Seungcheol put his arm around Joshua comfortingly. “Shua, what happened?”
Slowly, Joshua lifted his head up, with tears welling in his eyes and asked, “Does everyone know?”
“I don't think so. I guess it just depends on who Dokyeom has told.”
Joshua took a deep breath and sighed.
“I am so stupid.”
“No, you're not stupid.” Seungcheol said, instinctively.
“I am. I went on and on about my date last night in front of him. I have been so oblivious. I had absolutely no idea how he felt.”
“How could you have known? He never said anything right?”
“No, he didn't. That idiot has never said anything. I've told him about every single person I've dated and he's always been the same.”
“Wait, how did you find out then?”
“I overheard Mingyu yelling at Wonwoo last night about it.”
“What??!’”
Joshua sighed, “It was after everyone left. I was about to get a taxi but then went back in to pee. I figured everyone would have gone by then, but when I came out, I overheard Mingyu telling Wonwoo that he was so blind and couldn't see that one of our best friends was in love with the other and he was an idiot to bring up my date in front of Dokyeom and how could he not see how much it was tearing him apart.”
“Oh wow. That is…not a great way to find out.”
“I didn't even know who they were talking about at first. I thought it was…well, when they mentioned Dokyeom, I was confused but then it just made sense.”
“It did?”
“Yeah, I mean, of course it does. This is Dokyeom. He's had crushes before and he has always been so shy about it. I know this.”
“True.”
“And I've noticed him looking at me like…like that. I just didn't stop to think that he might have had a crush on me, but after spending all of last night thinking about it…fuck.”
“Oh…god, you don't feel the same way?”
“What?” Joshua snapped out of it. “No, that's not it at all.”
“It's not?!”
“Dude! It's Dokyeom. He's my best friend. I already love him. It's not even that hard to think about.”
“Wait, so what are you pissed about now then?”
“Because he hasn't told me! None of you told me! I heard from Mingyu, who I'm sure was not supposed to tell anyone, including Wonwoo, and definitely not me. So now, we all know this and Dokyeom doesn’t know we all know and...he’s like this precious little thing and I don't want to scare him.”
“Oh my god.” Seungcheol leaned back on the couch with a smile. “You love him too.”
It was not a question.
Joshua blushed and said, “Ugh, yes. I didn't even realise it until today when I woke up and just wanted to run over to his place and tell him that.”
“Why didn't you?”
“That's the stupidest way to tell someone you love them, Cheol. I came here instead to try to talk to you about it, but you weren't here.”
“You didn't even call or message me.”
Joshua waved him off and kept going, “So, what do I do? How do I tell this fool that I also love him and that I want to spend every day making him smile?”
Seungcheol was grinning by now.
“That. Just say that. It'll blow his mind and make him incredibly happy.”
“What, really?”
“Yeah, trust me. Those exact words. You can call him a fool too. He deserves that a little.”
“Okay then.” Joshua stood up. “I'm going over to his place now.”
“Wow, really?”
“Yes.”
“No second thoughts about ruining a friendship?”
“No, silly. This wouldn't ruin anything.”
“It wouldn't?”
“He already knows who I am. I know who he is. It's not complicated. It's easy.”
“Wow.”
Was it just that easy?
Joshua said bye and walked out of Seungcheol’s flat. Seungcheol went to change his clothes and get comfortable for the evening. Dokyeom lived just ten minutes away and just as Seungcheol predicted, in fifteen minutes, he heard his phone buzz with a message on their group chat.
DK: Fuck yes, he's my boyfriend y'all.
Seungcheol grinned as he saw the rest of his friends reply with shock. Jeonghan sent a series of crying emojis. Mingyu was cheering them and saying it was about damn time. Wonwoo was sending gifs of cartoon characters in love. Joshua sent a picture of the both of them, in each other’s arms and Joshua kissing Dokyeon’s cheek. They looked incredibly happy, like they had never been before.
Could it really be that easy?
Without thinking more, Seungcheol looked for the message thread with Mingyu, copied the link for the cabin he had sent and forwarded it to Jeonghan.
‘Do you want to come with me next weekend to go fishing?’
A second passed and he got the message from Jeonghan.
‘Yes.’
Seungcheol felt his heart quicken and a place deep inside him where hope tugged and he knew this was just the beginning. He was going to tell his best friend he loved him.