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Simon decides that Raphael and Luke should be friends approximately three seconds after their banter at the entrance to the City of Bones (and no matter how many times Raphael denies it, it was banter, let’s be honest).
He’s heard all sorts of reasons from several people as to why it’s a terrible idea,
“Vampires and Werewolves have been enemies for years” (Alec) yadda yadda.
“I don’t even know why you think they’d get on Simon it’s stupid” (Jace) blah blah.
“He’s a vampire Simon what the hell do you expect” (Clary) et cetera et cetera.
It all sounds the same eventually, and it’s stupid really, Downworlders get enough hate from the Shadowhunters without hating on each other right? Well, you’d think. But Downworlders aren’t anything if stubborn, and actually getting Raphael and Luke into the same room at the same time is an unexpected challenge.
A welcomed one too though.
---
The first place he tries is Jade Wolf, which, now he thinks about it, is a little bit stupid. He tries to win Raphael round for weeks and weeks, “Dude come on I know we technically don’t eat but you’ve got to get out sometimes you know?” and eventually (eventually) Raphael caves, and allows himself to be dragged out of his room and into the street.
However, he sees Simons plan coming miles off and gives Simon the most disappointed look he’s ever received, “C’mon man” Simon tries, “What harm can it do?” but Raphael just shakes his head and walks away, leaving Simon disgruntled and determined.
---
His next shot is Luke, who he attempts to trick into meeting him at the Hotel, that… fails miserably so he won’t even mention that, but one night when he knows Raphael is on patrol, he offers to walk with Luke. And if he happens to lead them towards where Raphael’s keeping an eye-out, well, that’s not his fault.
Luke stops a couple of hundred yards away, eyes squinting at Simon suspiciously as he sniffs the air, he lets out a huff and a deep “No Simon” before he turns around and leaves. Simon makes eye-contact with a smirking Raphael and sticks his tongue out at him, turning to follow Luke, jogging to catch up with the faster, and bigger man.
---
The next time he tries, he gets Clary involved, and invites Raphael to the institute on “Downworlder business” as it happens, he says the exact same thing to Luke too. Ulterior motive? Hah, what ulterior motive?
The roar that Luke lets out when Simon locks him in a room with Raphael is heard around the entire institute, and Clary hurries away with a parting, “It was your idea not mine” which, great, some friend she is. He leaves them in there for several hours, and when he returns later, shyly pushing the door open, he’s met with an empty room and a broken window.
Jace makes him pay for it too, rude.
---
“Heeeeey Alaric, how you doing? Loving the beard. Really, looks good. Do you have a second to talk about your gracious leader Luke Graymark, head werewolf-man, dude, person” Simon plops himself down onto the corner of the desk and grins widely down at Luke’s beta.
Alaric raises an eyebrow, but remains largely unaffected by Simon’s behaviour, he’s had far too much time (in his opinion) to get used to it. “What do you want Simon? I’m busy with work and Luke’s on his break so-“ (Simon knows Luke’s on his break, he’s been waiting for him to leave for almost two hours).
He sighs, “Say hypothetically I wanted these two important people in my life to become friends – and one of them was, hypothetically, Luke. How would I go about getting these hypothetical people to become friends? Hypothetically?”
Alaric rolls his eyes and elbows Simon off his desk pointedly “I would hypothetically open my eyes and stop being such an idiot, now get out of the station before I arrest you for – oh I don’t know, running naked down the high-street”
Simon chokes, “Dude that was one time and I was like seven come on”
“Get out Simon”
… “Fine”
---
“Why do you want us to be friends so badly?” Luke finally asks, sat opposite Simon at Jade Wolf, scoffing down what is quite possibly the biggest pile of meat Simon has ever seen in his life. “I don’t know man I just- he’s my clan leader and you’re like my dad you know? It feels right that you should get on”.
Luke huffs out a laugh, “You know what this is like? This is like when you dated that Katie girl in, what was it? Fifth grade? And you kept wanting us to meet, seriously Si, I’m having war flashbacks here” Simon stutters, silently offering a thanks to whatever (or whoever) took away his ability to blush.
“This is nothing like that” he stammers.
Luke grins, “Sure thing Kid”.
---
“Raphael?”
“No”
“Dude hey you didn’t even know what I was going to say” Simon complains, falling dramatically onto Raphael’s bed with a loud ‘fwump’. Raphael shrugs, not lifting his gaze from whatever ridiculously fancy book he’s reading this week “I can guarantee it was something stupid though so, no”.
Simon sighs, rolling over to face Raphael, squishing the side of his face into the pillow as he does so, Raphael tenses where he’s sat, his back facing Simon. “Don’t drool on my pillows Lewis”.
Simon cries out dramatically “Oh I wouldn’t dream of it oh gracious, generous, honest, handsome, beautiful – wait I had a point – oh yeah” he stares intensely at Raphael’s back “I’m having dinner with Luke on Thursday, well, he’s having dinner and I’m drinking, I think goats blood? I’m not entirely sure. Anyway, do you wanna join us?”.
He bats his eyelids, the effect lost as Raphael refuses to turn around “No Simon, you go, have fun, don’t come back smelling like wet dog again please” Simon groans in frustration, arms gesticulating wildly “I don’t understand why you won’t just talk to him at least, for me! Don’t you think Downworlders get enough shit from the Shadowhunters without being dicks to each other too?”
He huffs angrily when Raphael doesn’t reply and stands quickly, unnecessarily using his super speed to hightail it out of the room, not even bothering to look back.
---
Simon’s seen a lot of odd things in his life.
When he was seventeen he saw sworn enemies Todd Barker and Elliot Levitt making out behind the girl’s toilets. When he was thirteen he saw his next door neighbour’s cat get hit by a car, somersault through the air, then get up and carry on walking like nothing had happened. And when he was nine he’s pretty sure he had an alien encounter.
This though.
This has to be the oddest thing.
The first thing that hits him are the voices, one deep and commanding, the other dry and assertive, both coming from deep within the Hotel, two voices that most definitely should not be coming from the same area.
The next thing that hits him is the smell, he always had a go at Raphael when the older boy would complain about him smelling like Werewolf, but he is right, they do have a distinctive smell, and right now it’s coming from one of the rooms in the Hotel DuMort.
Obviously the third thing is sight, and it takes him a moment to process what he sees. Raphael is there, obviously. But so is… Luke? He blinks once, two, three times, but the two men ignore him, fully engrossed in whatever they’re talking about. Talking! They’re actually talking! To… each other? Simon’s obviously going mad. That’s the only explanation there is to it.
That is until Raphael turns to him and chuckles, asking “You ran down the high-street naked when you were seven? Why would anyone do that?” and Simon pretty much waits for the ground to swallow him whole. When it doesn’t he shrugs in Raphael’s direction “Clary dared me to”.
Raphael nods, seemingly pleased with the answer as he turns back to Luke. But now Simon’s had enough. “Okay I’m sorry but what the actual fuck is happening right now?” his voice comes out exasperated, and Raphael and Luke look more amused than anything.
“Language Simon” Luke chastises, making obvious eye-contact with Raphael who rolls his eyes in response. Simon’s brain just about short-circuits then, watching the two most important men in his life (and yeah he’s not gonna admit that out loud okay) interact like this is crazy.
“I’m sorry did I miss a memo or something?” he looks around, running his hand through his hair as he desperately tries to think of an explanation, “When did you two become friends?”
Raphael snorts, not bothering to look at Simon when he answers, “Luke is a good friend Simon, honestly don’t you pay attention to anything?” Simon gapes, still looking between them, suspicion evident in his gaze.
“Since when exactly?” he folds his arms across his chest and refuses to make eye-contact with either man. Luke sighs, “Since about two weeks ago when you locked us in a room together”. Simon blushes, and mumbles under his breath, “Clary helped too”.
Luke chuckles under his breath, “Don’t think we don’t know who masterminded it though Simon, we all know Clary’s opinions of Downworlders have lessened after her becoming a Shadowhunter”.
Simon has to agree, he has a point after all. Raphael smirks up at him, “So are you going to stand there all night or are you going to join us?”.
---
Three weeks later Simon has suffered through forty-six embarrassing childhood stories, seventeen even more embarrassing sessions where Luke decided to show baby-Simon photos to the entire clan, nine awkward family dinners, and three shovel talks from various groups of Vampires and Werewolves alike.
And to top it all off, Raphael and Luke have become kind of inseparable.
Simon hates it.
Well.
That’s not entirely true.
(But he’s not going to admit that anytime soon).
---