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Obi-Wan had just completed the highest level kata in the book, stopping in the graceful ending position, feeling sweat trickle down his face and back as he held for a short moment after; then releasing and dropping down into a relaxed stand still, flicking his gaze over to his master. Obi-Wan received a curt nod from Qui-Gon; his stern features barely moving in the sunlight that poured into the training area.
That's all the old master ever gave, curt nods and sometimes (when he was "really" proud) a small compliment quickly followed by a critique. Qui-Gon was never a big fan of affection and Obi-Wan knew this; practically everyone did. Obi-Wan would complete a difficult task Qui-Gon would ask of him or finally perfect an advanced combat move and even the most stoic Jedi masters, apart from Qui-Gon, would silently praise Obi-Wan with smiles and chatter, knowing that Qui-Gon wouldn't.
Any other day it wouldn't really bother Obi-Wan; maybe Qui-Gon was just extra tired today. But today he felt hurt. Today he would fight back.
Obi-Wan threw down his lightsaber and stormed off; not caring how unbecoming this was of him. As he stomped past Qui-Gon, his master raised a single eyebrow inquisitively. Obi-Wan had preformed perfectly hadn't he? So why was he upset? He tried reaching out across their training bond but found Obi-Wan's shields straining to stay as tight as possible, not allowing anything in or out. Qui-Gon sighed, figuring he should let the boy work this out a bit on his own.
Obi-Wan broke out into a run down once he was out of sight from his master. Blinded by anger and sorrow Obi-Wan ran down corridor after corridor; letting the force decide where to take him.
"Why does he do this?" Obi-Wan thought to himself, "Why can't he just show a little emotion?"
Obi-Wan finally slowed to a walk once he was in the libray. He had always found it to be the quietest, calmest, and prettiest place in the temple. As he walked down the numerous isles of books he ran his hand down the smooth spines, taking in as much as possible before Qui-Gon found him and lectured about “keeping his composure”. Obi-Wan could feel his tension relax as he looked through a book about the history of a planet called Jakku.
As he replaced the book to its proper place Obi-Wan began to think; he started thinking about just how messed up the Jedi Code sounded. It said that Jedi are not allowed to love or anything like that because it weighs them down and makes them vulnerable. Jedi also aren’t supposed to express anger, because it leads to the dark side. Jedi, it seemed, aren’t allowed to have any emotions. But emotions are everything you are; it’s what makes you yourself. Everybody has them, so why are Jedi not allowed to? Obi-Wan knew the answer to this of course; he had taken enough classes before he became an apprentice on the Code and its underlying meanings.
But he was told to feel and experience everything whole-heartedly too. Was he not to do that too? Which one should he follow?! Just thinking about this re-surfaced Obi-Wan’s anger; but the anger was a different type of anger than before. Before it was anger that made him want to lash out and scream and run away; now Obi-Wan just slumped against a bookshelf and slide down to meet the floor, sinking his head into his hands. He was no longer mad at Qui-Gon, he was mad at himself. Was he not a good apprentice for feeling this way? For questioning the Code? Did he disappoint Qui-Gon for acting this way? Does Qui-Gon regret taking him on as a Padawan? Maybe he was never cut out to be a Jedi, maybe he should just leave—
Just then Obi-Wan felt a flash across the bond, Qui-Gon was here… Anger flew from Obi-Wan’s mind just as quickly as guilt and sadness set in. He was afraid to face his master after what he did. So Obi-Wan just sat; and he waited for Qui-Gon to find him. It didn’t take long for him to find Obi-Wan curled up leaning his back against the bookshelf. Qui-Gon slowly walked over to the small Padawan and knelt down beside him. Obi-Wan didn’t move. Qui-Gon laid a single hand on his shoulder and lowered his voice to a whisper.
“I’m sorry, Obi-Wan,” Qui-Gon lowered his face to the floor. “I’m trying. I really am.” Guilt washed over Qui-Gon. He truly was making an effort towards showing more gratitude towards Obi-Wan; but it was difficult for him. Dooku was never appreciative of Gui-Gon’s efforts as a Padawan, it was just simply expected of him. Qui-Gon didn’t want that for Obi-Wan, he wanted to have a strong bond, and plenty of communication in their relationship. He failed Xanatos by not having that. Instead their relationship was like waves crashing against a cliff wall. Everything ended in conflict, but Qui-Gon kept fighting for him. Maybe not in the best of ways, it was yelling at him to do things right and just becoming more frustrated in the end. Qui-Gon was determined to never turn down that road again.
Obi-Wan didn’t look up at Qui-Gon; instead he kept his eyes trained on his boots that were curled underneath him.
“It’s alright master,” He tried his hardest to keep his voice steady. “I should be the one apologizing. I shouldn’t have run away,” Obi-Wan finally looked up and met Qui-Gon’s eyes. “It won’t happen again.”
Qui-Gon froze. He had heard that phrase millions of times before; but from himself. Every time Dooku would cut his eyes at Qui-Gon, Qui-Gon would say “It won’t happen again.” Every time he spoke out of place, or tripped during a kata, or lost a practice duel, or was late, or just anytime Dooku seemed more annoyed than usual, Qui-Gon just lowered his head and “It won’t happen again.”
But hearing Obi-Wan say this; small, sweet Obi-Wan who wanted to be a diplomat a little more it seemed than a Jedi; Obi-Wan, who would blatantly tell the council off, something no other Jedi would even attempt. Obi-Wan, who made sure to visit the creche as much as possible to tell stories about past missions to the younglings. Obi-Wan who so desperately wanted to be his apprentice; who loved Qui-Gon in every way possible. This broke Qui-Gon. It broke his heart and his soul to watch his Padawan suffer in shame and guilt. Qui-Gon reached to embrace Obi-Wan, flooding their bond with as much love and acceptance as he could muster; not stopping even though the dark shields from Obi-Wan were still there.
"I'm so sorry, Obi-Wan. I- I'm- I- Well, you know I'm not any good at this," Qui-Gon pressed his chin into the crook of Obi-Wan's neck. "I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry." That was all he could say, Qui-Gon didn't know how to put his feelings into words. He could start to feel the lump in his throat grow bigger, threatening to consume him. Qui-Gon fought to keep back tears; he would not allow himself to cry in front of Obi-Wan. He was here to comfort Obi-Wan, but how could he if he needed comfort himself?
Qui-Gon could feel Obi-Wan start to relax in the hug, he pressed up against his master's chest and breathed in the heavy sent of Courusant and morning tea that wafted off.
"It's all okay master," Obi-Wan looked up at Qui-Gon, his small, blue-green eyes shining even in the dimly lit library. "Although, I am still sorry about running off earlier. I should've told you the problem; about how I felt. Running was a very naïve of me and I can't get upset at you for not communicating if I never do the same."
Obi-Wan finally surrendered to Qui-Gon, lifting his bond's shields and sending gratitude over it.
Qui-Gon smiled. He finally had his apprentice back. He stood up, along with Obi-Wan, and started making his way back to the training halls. Qui-Gon placed a hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder and laughed.
"My Gods young boy, you're talking as if you've lived as long as I have!"
"Well master, if I don't ever finish this kata sequence, I'll never see past 30!" And with that he sprinted down home, leaving Qui-Gon in his wake.