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you face my shadows and look for light

Summary:

After the arena is blown up, Effie is kidnapped by the Capitol. A month later, she is rescued alongside the Victors and brought to District 13, and Haymitch finds her deeply scarred by what she has endured and by the truths she has finally come to grasp. Even as he wrestles with his own guilt, he knows there's no one else but himself who can help soothe her wounds.

Notes:

I'm sure this particular idea was treated by others but I couldn't find anything in the recent fics, so this is my own version. And I'm late to the party, so it's also my way of exploring all of my thoughts on these two. It's been a labor of love, I hope you enjoy it as much as I'm enjoying writing it. May the odds be ever in your favor 🙏

Chapter Text

Katniss’ scream echoed in the apartment on the 12th floor of the Tribute Center, causing Effie to jump from the couch and bring a hand to her mouth.

“Oh, no. What did she do?”

She being Johanna, who had just teared out Katniss’ tracker. Haymitch was still seated, his hand gripping the arm of the couch. He was not even drinking, which spoke volumes about his state of mind; and Effie had not noticed that she had spilled her white wine on the carpet, which spoke volumes about hers.

On the screen, Katniss lay on the floor with blood on her throat, but then the camera cut to the beach, where the remaining tributes were expected to show up. Effie turned towards Haymitch, anxiety tensing up the lines of her face in an unfamiliar way.

“What did she do to Katniss?” she asked again. “She’s… she’s…”

Haymitch got up, and peeked through the patio door. The sky was still clear for now.

“Haymitch, did you see this?” Effie insisted. “She was hurt. By her own ally. And where is Peeta?” she complained, her eyes darting back to the screen where Beetee could now be seen winding the electric wire around the tree.

It was happening. It was time. His and Plutarch’s plan was unfolding just as planned so far. Haymitch sighed deeply as the knot of dread in his stomach tightened, and he walked to face Effie. He took hold of her glass of wine, downed it while she exclaimed: “Haymitch!”, settled the empty glass on the coffee table and seized her shoulders, demanding her full attention.

“Listen,” he said in the lowest voice possible, “we could not tell you before, but we’re going to try and rescue Katniss from the Games.”

He couldn’t explain much, because he never knew where wires might be hidden, where cameras might be watching. They were in the snake's lair, although Snow and the rest of them must be too absorbed by what was going on in the arena to pay attention to anything else.

“Beetee is going to destroy the force field with the wire, and a hovercraft will bring us to the arena to fetch her,” he whispered. Effie was open-mouthed, her eyebrows frowned, and she shook her head. Her voice was icy when she spoke. “No. What are you talking about?”

“Katniss is the face of the rebellion. It’s time to end these atrocities, Effie. I know that you know it, deep down.”

Haymitch's heart was pounding hard. Sweat covered his skin. He had prepared himself for this moment for 25 years, he had fought his darkest instincts and survived just to see it arise, and yet it felt surreal. But in front of her, Effie was downright in another world. In a world where the Hunger Games happened every year and where there was not the slightest doubt they would continue to happen forever. Where the Hunger Games meant stability and peace and security for her home and her life. Haymitch could not imagine how she felt, but he knew that their perspectives right now could not be more different.

“What have you done?” she murmured, her eyes now terrified. She tried to take a step back, and Haymitch realized he was clutching her tight. It was dreadful, to have to convince her in such a short amount of time.

A shadow darkened the room, and Haymitch looked through the windows. A hovercraft was approaching. Following his gaze, Effie shook her head again. “This cannot be serious.”

They locked eyes again. They stood only inches apart, but they had not been so distant in a long, long time.

“Come with us,” Haymitch urged her. “We’re going to the 13th District, we’ll be safe there.”

Now Effie had a nervous laugh. “The 13th doesn’t exist.”

“It does. It was never wiped out. I’ll explain everything on the way,” he added, seizing her wrist to take her outside as the hovercraft landed.

She abruptly broke free from his grip. “This is madness. You’re going to get us all arrested."

Arrested was such an understatement that Haymitch almost snorted, but he didn’t, because he was about to ask Effie to take a decision that would change her life permanently.

“Effie, we have no time. You have to pick your side now. Are you with them, or are you with the team?”

Effie’s eyebrows jumped in surprise and pain. He knew that this word would touch her and remind her of her affection for Katniss and Peeta. Remind her that she, too, had found their situation unfair and cruel.

“But it will never work,” she murmured. “Haymitch, this is madness. Just stay here," she pleaded, extending her fingers to brush his sleeve. "You haven’t done anything wrong yet.”

Gunshots rang out behind them, startling them both, and suddenly two soldiers from the 13th were walking in the room.

“We must go now, sir,” one of them told Haymitch, his hand on his upper arm.

“I know,” he snapped.

“Did you just shoot the door?” Effie exclaimed outrageously.

Haymitch seized her wrist again. “Let’s go.”

But suddenly Peacemakers erupted from the other side of the room and Effie jumped away from him. Haymitch cursed. How could they have reacted so fast? Had Beetee managed to obliterate the field force already? On the TV, the screen had gone black. He had no time to think, he had to flee now.

The Peacemakers shot in their direction, and Effie shouted but she was not targeted. Haymitch and the soldiers dodged the bullets; one of the 13's men seized his arm to haul him to the hovercraft while the other covered them. Effie was out of reach; she had made her choice. She had crouched near the sofa to protect herself. Haymitch ran towards the aircraft as weapons fired behind them. The three of them jumped inside, the door closed immediately and the aircraft took off. Haymitch found a window.

He just had the time to see two Peacemakers snatching Effie and pulling her towards the door before the living room was out of view.

For a while, he stared at the building as it shrank away, his heart still beating frantically.

They had taken her.

Haymitch had not considered this situation. He had imagined only two possible outcomes of asking Effie to join them: she would come with them to District 13 or she would stay safe in the Capitol. Why would they take her? She was Capitol-born. She was an escort. She had never openly disagreed with the system.

It was easy to understand, though: after Snow had realized that something had gone wrong in the Games, he had ordered for everyone close to Katniss and the other tributes to be captured, and Effie was simply too close to them, no matter where her loyalty lay.

Haymitch’s jaw clenched when he thought of how unprepared she was to face Capitol’s punishments. Even spending one night behind bars would scare and humiliate her. How much information would they believe she possessed? Now Haymitch wished that there had been wires recording them. Then they would know how little she had been involved, how she had even tried to discourage him. He had to cling on to that hope.

A voice demanded his attention and pulled him back to the present moment. “She did it herself. Katniss shot the arena.”

Haymitch pivoted to find a quietly triumphant Plutarch stepping in. Right, Katniss and the rescue mission. There was nothing he could do for Effie now except bring the Capitol down. He had to focus. The hovercraft had already left the city and was approaching the outskirts of this year’s arena. “There couldn't have been a better spark to ignite the rebellion. The Mockingjay herself destroyed the Hunger Games.”

 

 

One month and a half had gone by in District 13 when President Coin finally decided to retrieve Peeta, Johanna and Annie from the Capitol’s claws. In the last week, Haymitch had watched Katniss become increasingly anxious about Peeta. It had been strange, observing her distress, like a mirror of his own concealed emotions. She had managed to forgive Haymitch about protecting her instead of him, but the guilt kept haunting him. It was torture to bear it without anything to tone it down. Despite the necessity of the rebellion, he despised himself for taking charge and somehow betraying all of them: Katniss, for forcing her into a role she didn’t want to play; Peeta, for too readily accepting to have him dead or thrown to the wolves if need be; Effie, for keeping her in the dark and failing to protect her anyway. And District 12, his home.

Burned off the map in vengeance.

Of course, a war required sacrifices and he had not expected to win without losing first. But he had not imagined that the costs would be so frightfully high so quickly.

Katniss had been the only one enquiring about Effie, of course, and she had included her in the list of people to rescue before being met with a firm “no” by Coin. Peeta and the other Victors, yes; but an escort? Out of the question. Haymitch had been boiling over that.

It had taken Katniss being devastated by the white roses all over the ruins of District 13, and the power outage of the Capitol, for Coin, Plutarch and Boggs to resolve to rescue the Victors. As they were all headed to the meeting room to discuss the details of the mission, Haymitch cornered Coin in a corridor. “I’d like you to reconsider rescuing Effie Trinket.”

This was as polite as he could get in his present mood, but Coin’s features were utterly closed. She tilted her head and examined him. “Give me one good reason to waste time, energy, munitions, or food on a citizen of the Capitol.”

“She has information. She knows places, people. We could use that.”

“We managed fine thanks to Mr. Heavensbee until now. Besides, are you so sure she would yield information to us? I was told that she was with you when you were picked up at the Tribute’s Center. If she’s such an ally, why didn’t she follow you then?”

Haymitch looked away. “It was messy. The Peacekeepers fell on us when we were talking about it.” He was conscious he had not been very convincing so far, but he still had some arguments up his sleeve. “Look, if it’s resources you’re worried about, I’ll take care of it. You won’t need to spend anything on her.”

She stared at him in disbelief. “You intend to give her your own rations?” Haymitch took a step towards her. “Effie is important to Katniss, too. Leave her behind, and you’re throwing away your shot to ease her worries about the people she cares for. If Effie’s here, all of Katniss’ friends and family will be safe and she can focus on her mission.”

Haymitch felt bad for weaponizing Katniss, but he was telling the truth, although a little exaggerated and not all of it. However, Coin saw right through him. “I think this is all about your anxiety. I can’t afford to act on emotions and friendships, M. Abernathy. Every decision I make must maximise our chances to win this war, and saving a spoiled woman from the Capitol does not serve us.”

Haymitch felt tense. He had only one more card to play. If it failed, it would mean that he missed his one chance of saving Effie. He had no idea how long this war would last. He didn’t even know for sure where she was, what they were doing to her. At least, Katniss had seen Peeta on screen. Effie’s fate remained a mystery, but the vision of the Peacekeepers brutalising her kept playing in his mind.

“Alright, clearly, you don’t see her value,” he said. “Do you see mine, though?”

Coin was clever. She understood what he meant immediately, he saw it in the way her eyebrows subtly rose. But she indulged him anyway. “Of course. You’re the only one Katniss trusts here. Well, you and her family.” It was interesting that she chose to mention this instead of Haymitch’s role in starting the rebellion at all. Past accomplishments were irrelevant to her, it seemed. “Well,” he continued, “you were right. This is also about my anxiety. I might find it more difficult to help Katniss if I’m worried.”

He was bluffing. As much as he wanted to help Effie, he could not morally give up on the rebellion because of it. But even if Coin called his bluff, maybe she’d see that rescuing one more person in this mission was a small price to pay to secure Haymitch’s loyalty, now and after the war, if they won. She shook her head disapprovingly. “You and Katniss make quite the pair, prioritizing personal desires over the greater good. I thought you had more integrity.” She kept scrutinizing him for a few seconds, and squinted her eyes. “Are you and this woman involved?”

Haymitch was surprised by Coin invading his private life, and he reckoned that it was none of her business. At least she hadn’t objected, this time. “Just help her, Coin, as a personal favour. I will owe you if you do,” he concluded, and left before she could answer. Coin worked with logic, not with sentimentality, and Haymitch had given her all he could.

That night, six soldiers tasked with retrieving the tributes were sent to the Capitol. Plutarch had told Haymitch what Coin had decided: they would free Effie too if they found her with the tributes, but they would not look for her if they didn’t. Now Haymitch could only hope she was there – or someplace else, safe.

He had gone to notify Katniss of the mission, and together they had listened to Finnick sharing his story to distract the Capitol, while watching the rescue team in action.

Snow had talked to Katniss directly, revealing that he was aware of the soldiers breaking into the Tribute Center. Then the screen had gone black.

Haymitch had hugged Katniss crying, certain that she had lost both Peeta and Gale. He could not properly comfort her because there was a high chance she had, and he himself was confused and scared. If Snow had known all along, then all of this had been a trap they had walked right in. All of them could be killed because of it, Peeta, the other Victors, the soldiers, and Effie. Haymitch had to push that horrifying prospect away from his mind. He couldn’t cope with it.

The rest of the night was endless. Katniss isolated herself to try to calm down. He went to bed, lying awake until he judged enough time had passed for the hovercraft to have returned, if it did at all. At that point he joined the command center, where Coin, Plutarch and Boggs were watching the sky.

“Any sign of them?”

“Yes,” Plutarch said. “They’re just about to land. The medical team stands ready to receive them.”

“Thank God,” Haymitch muttered.

He immediately looked for Katniss to warn her, and together they ran to the hospital zone, which was buzzing with people. They saw Johanna, her head shaved and a savage look in her eyes; they paused for a moment to watch Finnick and Annie reunite; then Katniss went to Peeta, and Haymitch had to intervene to try and stop him from killing her.

It was a shock, to see Peeta like that, and he could already calculate the emotional implications for Katniss. The poor girl did not need this. Peeta certainly didn’t deserve it. Haymitch’s hatred for Snow escalated further, even when he thought he had already reached a peak a long time ago.

At that point, he badly, badly wanted to check if Effie was there, but he first made sure that Katniss was okay enough, and that doctors were taking care of her and of Peeta before he looked for her. He was dreading not finding her and being left in the dark about her fate.

He walked back to the main room, urgently scanning the faces around him, but she was nowhere. He was about to go to the hovercraft just to be sure when two female soldiers stepped through the door, supporting a silhouette between them. He had a moment of doubt because of her lack of wig and posture; but as he hurried towards her, he saw that Effie had indeed been saved.