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post-ROTJ Luke, and how he feels after Vader dies!
Luke Skywalker barely knows his father before he loses him.
In comparison to the lives he had spent with his aunt and uncle- so long gone, and yet he can still remember their voices- this new one terrifies him. He had entered the second Death Star with the hope that he would possibly survive; seeing Darth Vader, the one true enforcer of the Emperor’s rule, turn back to the Light had changed everything Luke thought he has ever known. He watches the light fade from Anakin Skywalker’s eyes- so like his own, he imagines, at one point in time- and as Death comes to claim him. Something in the Force, that terrible mystical thing he is still so uncertain of, shifts and bends around the body of his father, as if saying goodbye.
As if an old friend had came close enough to touch and tugged Anakin’s soul with him.
And when the time comes to leave him behind, on the planet made of machine as much as his father had once been, Luke hesitates for only a second before taking the sixteen steps to the door that will lead him to the rest of his life. He stares at the body of what Anakin Skywalker had became with his fall to the Dark, and vows to himself that he will never allow this to happen again- as long as he lives. Luke Skywalker, stronger than he has ever been and bearing the scars of Force lightning that will never fade, turns and leaves the Death Star as the planet collapses around him.
(Though he goes back after a moment of hovering in the hallway, to remove that armour from his father’s body. Too long had Anakin Skywalker been smothered by machines.)
**
It is not goodbye.
He sees Anakin Skywalker for the first time, as he really was, at the festival to celebrate the collapse of the Empire. Luke does not feel like celebrating- he has just burned the suit that had kept his father alive for so many years after his escape, had seen the flames go high into the sky still filled with sparks from the collapsed Death Star- but he hugs Leia tightly none the less, pressing his face into her hair. Han’s hug is long, warm and safe. The air around the fire is overwhelmingly warm, the singing and laughing almost too much for his ears after so long in silence.
He wonders how they will take the news of Vader.
If they will hate him for forgiving his father in his final moments.
Luke lifts his eyes, and standing between Obi-Wan and Yoda, is a smiling young man who looks so similar to him that it is startling. He bows his head slightly, and Luke cannot tell if it is shame in his expression or pleasure at being returned to the Light. Anakin Skywalker as he once was is younger than Luke ever imagined him, his face only just into adulthood. He is painfully glad that Leia cannot see this version of him, the man who had taken away her parents and home. He smiles at Anakin and the look of pride he gets in return is enough to make his heart falter in his chest; it is the face of a father in awe at his son.
**
“Anakin Skywalker is our father. You know him by another name.”
Luke wished they never had to have this conversation. It breaks his heart to see the indecision on Leia’s face, the confusion. Their conversation on Endor seemed to have been put to one side by Leia, to deal with completely at a later date and Luke cannot face breaking her heart again. She has been so happy since the collapse of the Empire, her relationship with Han blooming like a flower every day. Luke has never loved someone as he does his sister and he wishes to avoid bringing any more pain to her life.
“Who?”
“Darth Vader is our father, Leia.”
He says and the words feel like ashes on his tongue. The force ghost of Anakin has made himself scarce from the room, murmuring under his breath about being needed elsewhere. Luke is glad Leia’s eyes cannot land on him, see the self-loathing that still (even at peace as he is) roils there in his blue eyes. Leia’s face pales, for a moment the Force splits the two of them in half- separated as they had been for so long- as she fades into shock.
“He can’t be.”
“He is. I was with him at the end, he told me to tell you-”
“Don’t,”
Leia stands, hands planted firmly on her hips. Luke looks up at her, wondering if their mother is who Leia takes her looks from (Anakin refuses to speak of anything other than the importance of not fading to the Dark, Luke is sure that will fade in time). Her eyes burn dark in her face, furious and surprised and so overwhelmingly upset.
“I can’t. Not yet. Maybe not ever.”
She says instead, striding towards the door with an elegance that Luke envies. He watches her leave, wanting to go to her but knowing that she will only push him away in this moment. He prays that Han can get through to her in a way he cannot, being the bearer of this news.
“She won’t always hate you,” Luke says when Anakin appears back in the room carefully, wandering over to the window to gaze at the Corsucant sky. The blue eyes that look far too wise for a young face narrow at him suspiciously, as if wondering how Luke could possibly know that. Obi-Wan and Yoda don’t visit as often as Anakin does, they appear from time to time in the corner of his vision, before winking out like candle flames.
“She has every right to. So does her mother.”
Luke rises, leaving behind the spare parts from a broken ship and his lightsaber on the table. Leia had left her data-pad, in her haste, which is no doubt full of plans to bring about a New Republic. Luke is so proud of her. He stands next to the shining blue figure of his father, watching shuttles carry important figures to and fro in the night outside their window.
“Tell me about her?”
Anakin smiles at him. There is a scar beneath his eye that Luke wants to ask about, long and painful looking. Luke smiles back, turning his gaze back to the world outside. He has spent so long wondering about his parents that having his father here is surreal; learning about his mother would make everything he had suffered through mean something more than just giving freedom to the galaxy.
“We used to stand like this in our home, Padme and I. I’ll tell you more about her one day.”
“Thank you, father.”
He does not miss the tear that falls from Anakin’s eye before the ghost disappears once again.
**
“I want to talk to him.”
Leia’s voice echos through the training room. Luke turns off his lightsaber, turning away from the dummy he has been practising with, alone and within the silence of his own mind, for the past three hours. His arms ache and his throat is dry with thirst.
It has been three weeks and four days since Luke told Leia their news.
Not long after, Han had came to him, despairing and almost ripping his hair out at the roots over the way Leia has been ignoring him and refusing to talk. Luke has to give the same news- with his father, Obi-Wan and Yoda lurking at different points in the room- to a much similar reaction. Lando will later tell him (over a glass of whisky that burns his throat) that Han and Leia are near inseparable for the next two days, to the point of frustration on both ends.
“Are you sure?” he asks.
Leia’s dark eyes narrow at him. Luke nods to himself and shoves his lightsaber back onto his belt, already closing his eyes to ask Anakin to come back from wherever he goes when Luke needs to be alone. A moment later, he hears his sister gasp quietly.
Opening his eyes, he sees Anakin- standing taller with his hands behind his back- carefully assessing Leia from at least five feet away, head tilted to the side. She is doing much the same thing though her mind speaks of horror at seeing Vader so young, wondering what had turned him from this young man into the destroyer of worlds. Luke is surprised to feel something similar in the way the Force moves around the two of them, angry and passionate and strong in a way Luke has never felt himself.
“Hello Leia.” Anakin says, carefully and low. There is joy hidden beneath the blank expression on his face, much the same pride from the night of celebrations and a secret, longing sadness. He seems to savour saying the name out loud. Leia looks like their mother, Anakin’s wife, in the same way that Luke looks like his father; that much is clear by the way his eyes trace her face slowly. Leia blinks at him.
“Hello Anakin.”
Leia’s voice is soft and barely noticeable. Luke moves back to sit on the bench against the wall, lowering himself down with a quiet sigh. She looks as if she is about to cry. Here is Darth Vader- the man who destroyed her parents and planet, the one responsible for her torture upon the original Death Star, who had been the reason behind so much of their pain- and yet it is not him. This is Anakin Skywalker as he should have been, bearing the brunt and responsibilities of years of horrific choices, and unable to move on to peace. Luke watches the two of them intently, seeing similarities between father and daughter he has never seen before. The bright spark of intelligence in their eyes that see too much, have known too much pain to ever see anything more. And the brilliant strength he is is something that Luke can feel within himself too.
“You look like your mother.”
“I remember seeing her, once, in a dream.”
A grin lights up Anakin’s face, young and sweet. Luke wonders how long it has been since he thought of their mother in a positive way, instead of surrounded by grief and pain. Leia’s keen eyes watch them thoughtfully, intently, as if wondering what he will say.
“I sent you that vision, both to you and Luke. I hoped it would keep her memory alive,” he says carefully. Luke feels himself smile. He wishes he could remember their mother more than anything in the world. Leia’s face doesn’t change but the emotion that swirls around her speaks of longing for the mother neither of them had known, and grief for the parents she has lost.
“Luke,”
Anakin turns to him, eyes damp looking and face more pleased than Luke has ever seen it. He rises to stand in front of the ghost of his father, mindless of his aching back and painful limbs. This is only the beginning of his work, he knows, and there will be difficult times ahead. Leia is watching the two of them with eyes that burn like a fire and her mind swirling.
“Would you leave us for a while? Your sister and I need to talk.”
(Afterwards, when Luke and Han are playing a game of holo-chess neither of them are about to win and complaining about the heat, Leia will come back to them. Her eyes are red and her skin still a touch paler than normal, though she looks happy enough.The way she whispers ‘thank you’ into his neck is enough to make Luke smile.)
**
The news about their father breaks within three hours of the announcement to the newly created Senate. Luke sits- Leia on one side, Han on the other- on a couch that feels too small, too tight, and watches the fury rise on people’s faces via the holo-screen. Chewbacca looms over them, a strong protector in this moment, whimpering to himself. Lando lurks in the background, nursing a drink and staying silent though his eyes gleam with anger. There are bottles smashed in the streets by men who lost everything to the Empire. Claims that he and Leia- his beautiful and strong sister who had went before the Senate and told everyone the truth, despite barely having come to terms with it herself- have inherited Vader’s spirit, the evil deeds he had brought upon the galaxy were now carried in their very souls. Luke has heard whispers of it being a mistake, everyone believed Darth Vader to have been made (like one would a droid) by the Emperor to do his bidding, and thus was unable to have children.
“You still sure this is for the best?” Han asks, one arm draped over the back of the couch, the other holding a bottle of fire whisky he’s been drinking since Leia announced her choice to let everyone know the truth. His eyes are strangely solemn, more than they had been when Luke had first met him in the cantina so long ago. Leia frowns, her lips pressed tightly together. She is curled into Luke’s side, head on his shoulder and eyes huge as they watch the screen and the anarchy unfolding across numerous planets. Already Tatooine has pledged its support for the New Republic, in remembrance of the Skywalker name.
“I do,” Leia murmurs. Luke presses a hand to her dark, braided hair and nods. Han jerks his head in acknowledgment, passing over the bottle to Leia silently, holding her hand over Luke’s stomach. She needs it more than any of them- some of her colleagues, friends of her parents, had threatened to pull out of the peace treaty with the news.
“Hope he knows how much we’re sacrificing here, for him,” Han mutters after a moment, contemplating the holo-screen with an unimpressed expression. Chewie gives out a bellow that is enough to make Lando almost drop his drink, his curses drown out the sounds of chanting on the holo-screen.
Luke feels a cold, ghostly hand press to his shoulder. He does not need to look around to know that Anakin is standing there, face as if it has been carved from stone, and the anger that so defined him- the flame that never truly goes away, the kind that destroys entire lives- is the only feeling Luke can truly experience in the entire room. He wonders if Leia feels it too.
Anakin’s grip is tight, almost enough to leave bruises.
**
“I have something for the both of you,” his father says one morning, lurking in the corner of the roof where Luke has taken to practising now they are on Naboo. The colour of his father’s spirit is all the more vibrant surrounded by the gleaming blue sky and the lush greens of the planet. Anakin has taken to disappearing for days at a time, sometimes for over a week, now that they are here. He always comes back in a good mood, occasionally accompanied by Obi-Wan.
“What is it?”
Luke smiles. Anakin just shakes his head, mischief dancing in his eyes. There is something about Naboo that has changed him. He seems younger, brighter, being here, as if he has found something he has been missing all the years he was trapped within that suit.
“Will you tell me soon?”
“I might. I know you’ll both like it.”
Anakin sounds sure enough that Luke knows it can only be about their mother. He knows only her first name- Padme- and that she was young, beautiful and much like Luke himself. If Leia is Anakin’s daughter, then he is Padme’s son. Anakin assures him, mostly at night when he becomes overwhelmed with the emotions flooding from the minds around him, that they are both proud of what he and Leia have become. Obi-Wan appears beside him, flickering as he has been known to do as of late, an amused expression on his face and pride in his eyes. Luke twirls the lightsaber in his hand, feeling the Force flow through him and dance around the ghosts. It has been a small conundrum, as to why Obi-Wan never reverted back to his younger self upon death and Anakin did. Luke is sure his Master has his reasons, though he does not say anything.
“Time to go, Anakin. We have arrangements to make.”
His father smiles at Obi-Wan, a little more loosely than he had in the days after the collapse of the Empire and without the hint of fear at being ignored that had made Luke’s heart ache. Luke cannot stop himself from grinning at them both, stepping back to stand back in the sun as they disappear.
There is a cough from the doorway. Leia walks over, and at her hip, is the lightsaber she has spent so long training with these last few weeks. Her eyes gleam and the Force- no longer as threatening as it had once seemed so long ago- sways with her, curling into both of their minds until they are connected. Luke rolls his shoulders until they crack, trying to maintain a serious expression though it is difficult seeing the same excitement glowing in Leia’s face.
(His own lightsaber is green. Hers is blue and she is as fast as dagger when she moves, ignoring Han’s cheering from the door as he watches with a bright, beaming grin. Luke does not let her win and fights back just as hard).
**
They finally learn of their mother one year after the collapse of the Empire.
Anakin appears, his face exhausted and his eyes bruised, after a month and a half of being gone, to the two of them as they make plans for the reopening of the Jedi Temple. Han is elsewhere, searching for parts to modify the Millennium Falcon with Chewie (though, how that ship is still flying, Luke isn’t sure).
“Are you alright?” Leia asks, laying down her data pad with a serious expression. It is the one Luke has come to know as her politician face, the kind that has officials and Senators alike collapsing to her whims like flies on a bug zapper. It is enough to bring a small, knowing smile to Anakin’s face.
“I’m fine, or I will be. I’m bringing someone with me today, she’s just not ready yet.”
His gaze shifts to a point a little to the right, where the sunlight streams through the windows. Anakin flickers for a moment, his mouth moving as he speaks to someone neither of them can see. Luke can feel her though, a presence he has felt before- as a child, over his crib, or when he used to climb with the children around his aunt and uncle’s house. Leia has much the same memories, if clearer than his own; he can see the same recollection in her face.
“Your mother’s name is Padme Naberrie Amidala Skywalker. She was my wife, secretly, for Jedi could not marry or they would be breaking their vows. She was Queen and Senator of Naboo, much like you, Leia.”
Anakin’s eyes are bright with pride and love. He gestures again to the person standing at his side, almost beaming. The exhaustion disappears from his face. Luke does not know the name Padme Amidala- the Outer Rim never received much news- though it is clear that Leia does. Her eyes widen until they fill her face, her expression that of pure anguished grief.
“I know her name. My parents spoke of her often, they said she died too young-”
“That was my fault. I believed I could save her, I was led to the darkness. The Emperor took her life away not long after she had the two of you, in exchange to ensure my survival.”
Luke sucks in a breath and closes his eyes. He can feel Anakin’s grief and fury welling up over the surface like a river bursting its banks. The Emperor and his Empire had taken so much from the galaxy, and yet it had ripped their family to shreds within a single moment. Leia’s emotions run deeper, more boiling than his own anger, and he knows that she will never allow something to happen to their family again.
“That’s not the whole story, Ani.”
The voice that speaks next is not Anakin Skywalker’s. Luke’s eyes fly open and Leia turns in her seat, work successfully forgotten, to stare at the woman standing a foot away from Anakin. She is as described and more. Her hair is dark, floating down her back and over her shoulders. In her hair is white wildflowers, twined together. Her face is young, but her eyes are so, so old and wise (she has seen things that they could and never will imagine). Compared to Anakin’s Jedi robes, the blue dress she wears is regal and dazzling to look at. Luke lifts his eyes to meet hers and sees her already watching them both intently, her brown eyes glistening with unshed tears.
“They don’t need the whole story right now. We have time,” Anakin says, voice warm.
Luke doesn’t need to look at him to see the expression on his face. Luke has spent so long wondering about his parents that having them both here- practically the same age he and Leia are now- is utterly surreal. He has never been so happy in his life. Padme smiles, and Luke can see Leia’s face in his mother’s as clearly as he can see his own in his father’s. She is so young, standing before them, and yet she had been a Queen, a Senator, a wife and a mother in that space of time.
“Luke. Leia,”
Padme’s voice is like music. Soft, gentle. Kind. Everything Leia had told him her dream had shown her as a child. Everything Luke hoped his mother would be. Anakin flickers to stand beside her, taking her hand as if it is made of glass. Leia turns to him, her eyes are filled with tears that slowly drip down her cheeks. Luke can feel his vision beginning to blur, gradually and then all at once as it truly hits him. The Force curves, bends, and dances as it always has.
“Let me tell you our story.”
The End.
“You have me. Until every last star in the galaxy dies. You have me.”
- Amie Kaufman, ‘Illuminae’