Work Text:
Insane how we take the small things for granted, and how these same small things mean the world to us after we've been robbed of them, Ray mused to himself as he approached the bathtub.
What's taking a bath, after all? Nothing, a necessity. But taking a bath after many days spent with death following closely on your footsteps was a whole different thing.
Tears stung his eyes as he removed his clothes with shaking hands. He needed to focus on himself, that's what his therapist told him. He couldn't move forward if he was stuck in the past, all that bullshit that he could have probably figured out for himself anyway. Obviously his life wouldn't get better if he kept thinking about them and wallowed in the guilt of being one of the only two survivors, but he wasn't sure how to put it all down. If there was even a way to do so.
He let out a shaky sigh as he descended into the tub. The warm water felt like heaven against his skin. He sank until the water came up to his chest, surrounding him like a foamy hug. For some reason, that thought only caused more tears to well up in his eyes - at least he got to get hugs, unlike some others.
“You got space for one more?”
He turned his head around at the voice, the voice that carried him through this hell march way better than his feet did. The voice that literally kept him alive, and which didn't leave him, not even after it was all over.
Pete was his guardian angel during the Walk, but he did not turn to dust like Ray feared after he fulfilled his purpose. He was still here. He won, alongside Ray, he was alive. Ray still didn't understand how it happened, how they could still be both alive. His therapist said he was so far gone at the very end, that his mind probably just erased some of his memories. Maybe so. All that mattered was that he remembered Pete and everything he's done for him, and he was standing right there, asking him if he could join him in the bath.
He asked that as naturally as everything else he's said before. Pete didn't seem to be burdened down by self-doubts like Ray was, or at least he was better at hiding it. He was leaning against the doorframe casually, one eyebrow raised and a smile playing at his lips. Ray's skin flushed, and not just because of the steam.
“Um… I guess so,” was all that he could say, his brain short-circuiting. At the small flash of disappointment in Pete's eyes, he immediately corrected himself. “Yes, sure.”
They almost died. What did it matter if they took a bath together? Would that change something? Ray felt like their souls have intertwined during the Walk, inseparably. He wasn't sure what it meant, or more like what it would mean later. But he knew it happened, that inexplicable something between them that kept them both alive. And as flustered and confused as it made him, Ray didn't want it to end.
That bright grin that Pete flashed him made his heart pound faster. It only got worse when he started undressing, revealing steely muscles. Ray's entire body felt like it was going to light on fire. He quickly turned his head away, biting his lip.
“Scoot over.”
Some water splashed out as he moved, giving Pete space. The other man slipped in behind him, the warmth of his body pressed against Ray's. Ray closed his eyes, willing his heart to beat a little slower before he got a heart attack.
No such luck, because Pete wrapped his toned arms around him like it was the most natural thing in the world. Maybe it was. They've held each other so many times before. Was this really different?
“Is this okay?” Pete asked. He was so close, Ray felt his breath on his skin. It made him shiver.
“Yes,” he breathed, “it's okay, Pete.”
Pete held him tighter in response. Ray slowly allowed himself to relax into the hug, his wound-up muscles loosening. He could have just melted right there, in the warmth of the bath water and Pete.
He carefully lifted a hand and placed it over the arm holding him around the chest. Pete hummed softly behind him.
“It's nice,” Pete said, “don't ya think so?”
“It's more than nice,” Ray whispered. He wasn't sure Pete heard it, he said it so quietly. He was still so scared to say it all out loud, what he really felt, in case he ruined it. It was too perfect to let it go to waste, whatever it was.
“What are you thinking about?” Pete asked, propping his chin up on Ray's shoulder. Ray swallowed heavily.
“Too many things,” he admitted quietly. “I don't know what I'm supposed to feel.”
“Same. Maybe I should go see that therapist of yours, as well. Maybe it would help. Would love to get rid of the nightmares.”
It just hit Ray in the midst of his misery that Pete must suffer, just like him. He's seen their friends fall, too. But he was so strong that somehow it didn't even occur to Ray that he was hurting, too. Now he just felt like an asshole.
“I'm sorry,” he choked out, trying his best not to break down sobbing. He felt so weak like this, crying like a baby whenever he so much as thought about what they went through. Pete held him even tighter. Their bodies slotted together so perfectly, Ray realized.
“For what, baby?”
He referred to him as such so many times. It made Ray feel tingly and warm, and he felt like he needed to hold onto his friend tighter. So, he did.
“I guess I was just… too occupied with my own feelings. Which is what my therapist told me to do, but still, I feel selfish. I don't know, everything's just so messy in my head right now. One second, I feel like I wanna lie down on the floor and cry, and the next… “
He trailed off. The next moment he was about to mention was the euphoria he felt whenever Pete was around, or if he so much as thought about him. But he still wasn't sure how to put it into words. Pete was better at these things.
Pete rubbed his stomach under the water comfortingly, and held him around the chest tight with his other hand. His strength and his softness made Ray's head spin.
“I think that's normal,” he told him, “I feel similarly, you know? I get lost in my head. And I break down, too. Guess we both need time. To process all that shit that happened… I don't know. It has to get better, eventually.”
Ray could hear the smile in his voice as he added “at least we have each other.”
“Yeah,” Ray found himself smiling. “We have each other.”
They both fell silent afterwards. There was something heavy, something unsaid lingering in the air between them. That so natural but still so strange thing that Ray couldn't name. Maybe Pete could. Maybe none of them had to. But it was there, amidst the grief and the dark memories, it shone like a lone star, bright and inviting. The connection that pushed them forward and led them out of hell, and what still pulsated between them. They could have parted, could have avoided each other, since they were both each other's reminder of what happened. They could have let the bond that developed between them in the worst circumstances slip away, and chalk it up to trauma-bonding. But they didn't. It never even crossed their mind. There had to be a reason for it.
Pete took his hand away from Ray's belly. Ray mourned the loss of his touch, until the same hand landed on his shoulder, with Pete's index finger tracing his skin. Goosebumps rose all over his body, and his heart once again pounded like it was ready to burst through his chest.
“You have freckles all over your back,” Pete noted softly, “‘s cute. It's good to see your skin.”
His breath ghosted over him. Ray bit down on his bottom lip, hard, when Pete touched his lip against his shoulder. He didn't kiss him, just lingered there. It was too good. It was agony.
“Please,” Ray's mouth sighed before his brain could tell him to behave. Pete immediately understood what he was asking for, and he pressed a kiss to his shoulder. Then another, and another, until he mapped out every single freckle on Ray's left shoulder with his lips. Ray's breathing came out on short, shaky sighs.
“I love you too, Ray,” Pete drawled against his skin. Ray's lashes fluttered as his eyes closed. Right. When he collapsed and thought was going to die, he told Pete he loved him. He meant it. He meant it more than anything he's ever said in his life. He has put it into words, after all. Maybe not eloquently enough, maybe he didn't explain the hows and whys, but he did say it. And that mattered. Maybe all those messy puzzle pieces inside him were ready to slot into place.
He twisted his head around to face Pete. His eyes were so beautiful, so earnest. His lips were slightly open. Ray felt like he was going to cry again, but for a whole different reason this time.
He stared at those lips for a few seconds, hearing nothing but the pounding of his own heart. Maybe if he listened more closely, he could hear Pete's, too.
Ray scrambled to fully turn around in the tub. More water spilled out, but he didn't care. The dam inside him finally broke. He cupped Pete's face and pressed his lips against his. Pete's arms wound around his waist and pulled him close until Ray was sitting on his lap. Ray whimpered into the kiss, tears streaming down his face. Relief, happiness, grief, hope all poured out of him at once as they kissed, mouths pressed together so tightly that it felt like they were breathing each other's air directly. Pete slipped his tongue inside his mouth and Ray sucked on it desperately, like he was starving. He wasn't, couldn't even be thinking about that he was kissing a man, or that he was kissing his best friend. It was Pete, his Pete, and kissing him was the most beautiful thing that he has ever experienced.
Their lips only parted because they truly couldn't breathe anymore. Ray rested his forehead against Pete's, his tears falling onto his skin.
“Oh, Pete…” he whimpered. Pete shushed him, though his misty eyes and shaky voice told Ray that he was crying, too.
“Baby,” Pete whispered to him, caressing his back gently. “My baby, my Ray.”
Ray wrapped his arms around Pete's neck and buried his face in his shoulder. He sobbed into him, body trembling pathetically. With each moment passing, both of them crying and holding each other, it felt like a heavy weight was slowly being pulled back from their chest.
“We're gonna get through this together,” Pete promised, voice thick with tears. “We always do.”
They've only known each other for a short time, but Ray knew he was right. They will always get through it together.
He pulled back and looked at Pete. He was aware he must have been a sorry sight with his red eyes and his wobbling lips. Not that Pete was in a much better state, but he was unfairly handsome even like this.
“Now we're all covered in snot,” Ray sighed. Pete laughed, the sound reverberating off the walls, earnest and relieved.
“Good thing we're sitting in a bathtub, we can wash it off. Though you splashed like, all of the water out.”
Ray snorted. He cupped some water in his hand and threw it at Pete's face. Pete yelped.
“Oh, so you're gonna play it like this? Okay then!”
The entire bathroom was swimming in foamy water very soon, after they started splashing each other like a couple of silly kids. It ended up being an ineffective bath, but it was still the best bath Ray has ever taken.
He used to take a warm bath, and being happy for granted, until it was all gone. Now, he got it all back, and more. Pete was new in his life, in a way that somehow still made it feel like they've belonged together for centuries. It was something that Ray could eternally be grateful for, that ever-lasting moment that he would appreciate forever.
And maybe some things will forever remain confusing, and the pain will never truly leave, but as long as they had each other, as long as they were walking side by side, they would be okay.