Chapter Text
Despite Giyuu's wishes, Tanjiro continues to return and spend time with him even after he agrees to train demon slayers.
For some reason, the boy genuinely seems to enjoy Giyuu's presence and look up to him. Even going so far as entrusting him with a sleeping Nezuko while he's off training with other hashira. Giyuu ends up setting her room up right next to his own, gifted kimonos from Mitsuri hanging in a wardrobe, waiting for her to wake up.
He trains the demon slayers in the mornings, working on their defence and speed, and spars with Tanjiro in the afternoons. By then, most of his trainees are ready to turn in, anyway. They seem to think that Giyuu's trying to kill them. Seem to think all the hashira are.
Typically, Tanjiro is the only one who visits him. Boar boy and their blonde friend don't make the trek with him, thankfully.
So it's surprising when one afternoon, he turns up with a boy taller than himself, both sporting bruised faces. Tanjiro is limping, face busted far worse than his companion, who is hunched as he walks into the estate, eyeing Giyuu like he's a threat.
The boy can't be much older than Tanjiro, despite his height. His black hair has shaved sides, black uniform on, and his scar and eyes are oddly familiar to Giyuu.
"Don't worry, Genya," He hears Tanjiro say, "Mr Giyuu is a lot nicer than Miss Shinobu and Mr Himejima, I promise."
...That sentence is one Giyuu hears a lot in reverse. Tanjiro is perhaps the only person alive who'd consider Giyuu to be nice, especially in comparison to the other two. He says nothing, watching them approach him from across the grounds. He stands on his veranda, had been watching his students wash themselves off in the well, and complain about him before they arrived.
Tanjiro turns his miniature sun of a smile on him, blinding Giyuu temporarily. Makes him turn his gaze, look at the ground by their feet as they stop.
"Mr Giyuu!" He says, "'It's good to see you! How have you been?"
"Better than you, apparently." He looks, pointed, at Tanjiro's injuries. "What happened?"
"Oh, these? Don't worry about me, Mr Giyuu, I can take it. Shinazugawa and I had a small argument, it's nothing."
'Small argument' and 'Shinazugawa' were not two things that belonged together in a sentence. Giyuu eyes his face, takes in the fist shaped bruises, and considers the boys' words. The fact that Tanjrio still refuses to put any respect on Shinazugawa's name tells Giyuu all he needs about who caused said argument.
"You shouldn't provoke him." He tells him, flat. "He's a hashira. Not matter your feelings, that's a fight you can not win."
"I won't compromise my ideals for people who don't have the decency to even discuss their own, who'd rather use fists than words." Tanjiro's shoulders are squared, unrepentant in the face of Giyuu's chiding. "And he still hasn't apologised for hurting Nezuko or for trying to hurt Genya!"
So that's what this was about? Giyuu slides his gaze to the other boy. The familiarity that had been bugging him makes sense now. The Shinazugawa genes are strong, even if their hair colours are drastically different. Around the eyes, the resemblance is clear. Shinobu had told him about the rumour, having heard it from Mitsuri, despite his lack of interest. She had mentioned being concerned for the boy.
Genya shrinks under Giyuu's gaze, twitches. Eyes darting to Tanjiro for support, expression defensive.
"Your friend?" He prompts.
"Oh, right! Mr Giyuu, meet Shinazugawa Genya. He's my friend, he was also one of the people who helped in the fight against upper moon four. Without him, we probably would've lost."
Face turning red, the younger Shinazugawa turns his face to the ground. Embarrassed and irritated that he was. "Shut up. It was nothing."
"Don't be so modest! Without your strength and interference, Nezuko and I would be dead. That's not nothing, Genya."
"Did you need something?" Giyuu asks, blunt. A little for Genya's sake, because his head is red enough to explode.
"Yes. Forgive me, Mr Giyuu, but I came to ask you a favour." He bows, quick and sudden. "Will you please train Genya in the ways of total concentration breathing?!"
Giyuu blinks.
Tanjiro gets elbowed in the side. "Stop. I told you not to bother! I already know it doesn't work on me, so stop trying! Shinobu and Himejima already tried, and they both failed. I failed. A different hashira won't change that."
"I'm sorry, Genya, but I disagree! Mr Giyuu and I were trained by the same master, and at the beginning, I couldn't do total concentration breathing, either! It took two years for me to even get a grasp on it, and months of training under Shinobu to master total concentration breathing constant. I think with the right master, you can figure it out, too! You just need to give yourself a chance." His face is earnest, so earnest, and determined. The kind of face that makes even demons falter.
Predictably, Genya does as well. Hiking his shoulders up to his ears as he sneaks a look at Giyuu. His presence is making him nervous, clearly.
"...You can't do total concentration breathing?" Giyuu asks, slow. "How did you become a demon slayer?"
Jaw clenching, Genya answers, "I– I ate demon flesh. It makes me stronger, so I can regenerate and fight longer. And I use a gun."
Hells. No wonder Shinobu was concerned. No wonder Shinazugawa was angry. "Demon flesh. What else does it do to you?"
He visibly braces before answering, even though Giyuu knows he hasn't moved, hasn't changed his facial expression whatsoever. "There's some. Physical things. And if the demon is too weak, the less I change. The more of Muzan's blood it has, the more I can do."
There had to be more than that. More downsides, even if Genya hasn't encountered them yet. Giyuu considers, looking between the two. Tanjiro still seems determined, borderline belligerent. Giyuu knows just how stubborn he can be when he wants something. Genya, on the other hand, just looks resigned. Like he's waiting for the yelling to start.
Giyuu does not yell. "I'm guessing your brother didn't take it well."
A hand comes up to rub the back on his neck, "No," He admits. "He's not. He tried to blind me. Thought it would be enough to make me leave the demon slayer corps and give up. Tanjiro is the only reason he didn't."
Not by talking him down, Giyuu guesses. "It's reckless and dangerous, what you're doing." He says, "But if it's helping you kill demons and save people, and you're not hurting anybody but yourself because of it, I won't yell at you. Clearly, you've had enough of that already."
Surprise. Genya looks surprised. He snaps his head up, blinks at Giyuu. Beside him, Tanjiro beams.
"I told you Mr Giyuu would understand. He's the one who found Nezuko and I, and encouraged us to become demon slayers. If it wasn't for him, we wouldn't be here right now."
The praise makes Giyuu uncomfortable, makes him look away again. It burns in his stomach. "You're here because you worked hard to become a demon slayer. You owe me nothing."
"Nonsense! It's because of you the other hashira didn't kill us immediately. You and Mr Urokodaki put your lives on the line for us, and I won't forget it. That's why I brought you here, Genya. I knew Mr Giyuu would understand."
Understand may be stretching it. Giyuu still didn't like demons, didn't trust them. The second one used their abilities to harm others, Giyuu would kill it without a second chance. No matter who they were to him before, no matter what promises they made. Nezuko is different because she never had any blood on her hands when they met. Should that ever change, Giyuu wouldn't hesitate to kill her and end his own life.
Best not to mention that right now, though.
"You used demon blood to replace the need for total concentration breathing, and now you want to go back?" He asks.
Wavering, Genya looks at his hands. "Not go back. I just can't do it. None of the demon slayer trainers I found or the other hashira could help me. Demon blood is the only way I can be good enough to help. It's impossible for me otherwise."
"Nothing is impossible." Giyuu cuts in. Firm. It's something Urokodaki said often. "It's difficult, but not impossible, not for anyone. It takes years of physical and mental practice, but it is doable. Even for you."
Genya growls, "I don't have years! I need to help now. Sanemi could get killed while I'm lazing around learning the basics."
It isn't lazing, Giyuu wants to say, but refrains. If this is about Sanemi, then he thinks he knows why Tanjiro brought Genya to him, and it wasn't just because of the demon thing.
There were lots of reasons someone became a demon slayer. Because of family tradition, like Rengoku. Because they lost their family to demons, like Shinobu, Tanjiro, Himejima, and so many others. Because they had skills they couldn't use elsewhere like Iguro and Uzui. Looking for a purpose like Mitsuri.
Then there were people like Giyuu.
He lost his family because of demons, yes. Hated them for that. But his greif hadn't turned to righteous rage, hadn't been a weapon he could forge into determination to grow strong and fight back. It had been Sabito, his friend, his brother, who encouraged him every day. Who fixed him up every time he failed and dispelled his self doubts. Giyuu had become a demon slayer to follow him. To protect what he had left and be protected in turn.
Only for him to lose that.
Maybe this was why Tanjiro brought Genya to him, or maybe he genuinely was just looking for someone who wasn't so biased against demons.
They'd joined the corps for the same reason. They both fought to get better for the same reason. The difference was that Sanemi was still alive, and Sabito wasn't.
He flexes his hand against his sword and sighs.
"Do you actually want to learn total concentration breathing," He asks, "Or are you just here because Tanjiro dragged you?"
Genya blinks. Visibly frustrated as he tries to formulate an answer. "I..."
"If you're willing to learn, I'm willing to teach. I'll make you no promises. Not because I think you're hopeless, but because I know I'm a poor master. But I'll try anyway. Shinobu, Himejima, and I were trained very differently. It could be that I am indeed a better fit."
"What's the point?" Genya says, irritated. "If you fail, I'll just go back to demon flesh anyway. It doesn't matter if Sanemi and the others don't like it. If it makes me stronger, then isn't that good enough?"
It'll destroy him, that's why. There's a reason other slayers before them haven't tried. Eventually, the demon side will overtake the human, and Giyuu doubts Genya will have as much luck with that as Nezuko.
"If you give up that easily, then you shouldn't be here." Says Giyuu, firm. "I don't care if you're frustrated. Accepting a worse version of yourself when you know there's a better one in reach makes you more unworthy of being a demon slayer then consuming their flesh does."
Genya grunts, brows furrowed. He looks surprised again, like what Giyuu had said was genuinely startling. His lips press together, and he looks to the side. Away from Giyuu, away from Tanjiro.
"And what if I fail again?"
"Then we'll keep trying."
"Wouldn't that be a waste of time?"
"No as much as a waste as not trying at all."
"What makes you think you'll be different, anyway. Isn't Himejima stronger than you? Isn't Shinobu smarter?"
That brings Giyuu to a pause, even as Tanjiro throws his friend an alarmed look. He isn't offended. Words just don't come easily to him. Genya has a point, after all. Everything he said was something Giyuu already knew.
"Are you strong?" He questions, after a long, drawn-out moment. "Are you smart? Perhaps if you were, one of them would've been able to help you more. Were they?"
Genya turns back to him, brows still bunched. "...No." He admits, "I guess not." He huffs, struggling with his words for a moment. "I'm just– I'm not as patient as you two. I don't– I don't have whatever it is you two do. I mess up, and I give up."
"It's determination, Genya." Tanjiro says with a smile, "And you do. Yours just comes out differently to ours. You're not any lesser because of it."
His words don't seem to help. Tanjiro basks others in his light, but sometimes it was blinding. Hard to face and live up to.
Giyuu ponders. Blank faced. Then: "Tanjiro. You should go see your sister. Leave us alone for a moment."
Tanjiro blinks, a little uncertain. Looks between them for a moment before nodding to himself and doing as told. Hopping up on the veranda and heading inside. The change makes Genya stiff, uncomfortable as his age mate leaves.
"Genya." Giyuu calls, dragging his attention back to him. "Do you know why Tanjiro and I are so patient?"
He shrugs, stiff. "Because you're meant to be demon slayers?"
Exhaling roughly through his nose, almost amused, Giyuu shakes his head. "No. Tanjiro is patient because he was an oldest child. He shouldered more responsibility than most so that others wouldn't have to. He's patient because that's how he was raised, to be patient by patient people. Because that's how he's always been. I haven't."
He's being watched, studied really, by Genya. Though their eyes are so similar, the Shinazugawa brothers have different gazes. Sanemi's is sharp, cutting, like it knows everything already, and will dissect you to find anything it doesn't. Genya's is wide, like he's casting a net at the world.
Giyuu continues. "I was the youngest. I was useless. Responsibility hit everybody in my families shoulders before it hit mine. I lost my family to demons like Tanjiro. But I wasn't determined, after. I was sad. I had nobody to protect like him. Like you." He'd wanted to curl up and die with them. "If I had been braver, faster, I could've saved my older sister instead of her dying to save me. But I wasn't, and I didn't. I didn't try to stop her or fight back, I let myself be weak."
When Giyuu mentions his sister, Genya's eyes snap up. Focused. Easy to tell he is seeing familiarity in the story.
"When I started my training, I was still weak." Giyuu went on, "Still undetermined. I had to be carried through it by another student named Sabito. He was stronger, an excellent swordsman. Even as children, it was easy to tell who was better. Who was more likely to be a hashira. And I was okay with that. When we went to finaly selection, I was at peace. Because I knew I didn't have to worry about him, because he would surely outlive me. Once I had finished crying about my family, all that was left was him."
Genya hesitates before speaking. "There... isn't a hashira called Sabito."
Sighing, Giyuu looks down at his feet. No, there wasn't. The corps would have a much better chance if there was. Instead, they have Giyuu, the eternal placeholder. That had been the deal the master had given him. If someone just as qualified came along, he would allow Giyuu to step down from his position. From his responsibility.
"We went to final selection together, and he died." Giyuu confirms, blunt. "When he was gone, I was left with my grief again. The anger only came after. And I used it to get stronger and kill," And kill, and kill, "Until that ran out as well. I was left with nothing, Shinazugawa. I am not patient. I am nothing."
"That's not true," He protests, quick. "You're a hashira. You're– kind. Kind to me and the Kamado's, even when nobody else was. How is that nothing?"
Giyuu shrugs. "Because it's for somebody else." He doesn't fight because he hates demons, even if he does. He isn't fighting because he's angry. Because he has someone he loves and wants to protect. He is there because he has nothing else. No goals, no family. He doesn't care if he lives or dies. "Patience can't come from nothing. Tanjiro thinks I'm kind because I'm honest. I have nothing to lose from telling the truth. He's a good person, so he hears good things because he works for them. I gave him a chance that day because he reminded me of myself, but more. More potential." As a brother, as a student, and as a hashira. "You remind me of him."
"How's that possible?" Genya asks, weak. "I'm nothing like him."
"You have his determination. His will. I'm not offering to train you so you can turn out like me, Shinazugawa. I'm offering so you can be more like him. I think you have his potential."
Genya carried the anger that Tanjiro didn't. He was angry, yes, but it was at Muzan only. His empathy for the world led to forgiveness for everything else. Every other member of the corps was different. Shinobu carried anger, but hid it. Made up for her weaknesses by excelling in other areas. Himejima was angry and used it to make himself stronger. Hid his weaknesses by staying away from others and isolating.
Giyuu's anger wasn't enough to do anything with, not anymore. He'd burned himself out at such a young age. All that was left was ash.
Genya seemed like him. His anger was fear, a shield he used. It wasn't his core like his brother and the other hashira who had tried to help him.
Maybe, just maybe, that would be enough for Giyuu to make a difference where they hadn't.
The boys' fists were curled into balls at his side. Wants warring with wants, hope warring with fear.
"Yeah." He says, finally. "Okay. I'll try."