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There was this kid. Jäger.
He looked normal. A way more normal than the rest of his class. Levi would say, a little too normal.
He was always in the company of two other kids – Mikasa, who he shared the surname with and Armin Arlert, about whom he knew a lot, only because of Erwin and his constant praises about the kid’s “vast knowledge”.
People claimed that they just were childhood friends – went to the same grundschule, then happened to be in the same realschule, they were spending time only with each other, not letting anyone into their little club, blah and blah. Levi heard so many tales like these, he should not give a shit about Eren and his mutual adoration circle.
But there was one thing that bothered him.
Because he was pretty sure that Eren was in a relationship with the goth-looking one. But the other day he saw Eren holding hands with the nerdy one.
Oh shit, Levi thought when he realized what he was looking at. There was drama going on. Eren was cheating on his girlfriend with his best friend.
He shouldn’t be surprised, he decided – it’s always the quiet ones, the too-normal-looking ones.
But the thing was, what was he going to do about it? He wasn’t their homeroom teacher, he wasn't a teacher, at all – only a janitor. Should he bring it up to Erwin? Should he do something at all? Wasn’t that some kind of a violation of students' privacy?
Shit. That’s why he never fraternized with the students, it made him care and he really didn’t want to.
He decided to observe, for now. Then, when he’d get more evidence that Eren was cheating on his girlfriend (or on his boyfriend (or on both, at the same time)) he would talk about it with Erwin.
Just to be clear, Levi wasn’t stalking minors around the school to back up his theory – they just happened to be in the same place, at the same time.
And this time, it happened to be in the library.
He was cleaning between the aisles, because some dumbass didn’t read the DO NOT DRINK IN THE LIBRARY sign and decided to spill coke on the floor.
He only acknowledged Eren and his friends, after he heard a rather pathetic whine, somewhere behind him.
“Armin, come on—! How long is this going to take?”
Levi turned around and saw from between the books that the trio was sitting by one of the desks. Armin was writing something, Mikasa was reading something and Eren was being obnoxious.
“I just started.” Armin answered back, sounding rather irked.
And Mikasa added, way too calm. “Let Armin study, Eren.”
“But I’m bored.” Eren whined once again.
He moved to take one of Armin’s pens, intending to doodle on his friend’s arm, but Armin smacked his hand right away.
“Then take a nap.” Armin huffed. “You act like you need it.”
In response, Levi heard a mutter and a curse that sounded very similar to something like bitch ass.
And yet, Eren complied. Levi saw him folding his arms on the desk to place his head on them. And immediately after he did, Mikasa started petting his hair in gentle, long movements.
Levi moved back to the sticky puddle on the floor.
Eren was in a relationship with Mikasa, he was now sure of it. She was way too patient with him and the hair-playing was such a corny thing he only saw people in love do.
So, what was that with Armin? Levi wondered as he wrung out the mop. If he truly was with Eren, then he should get jealous. But he didn’t seem bothered by their PDA.
Weird.
Maybe Levi got this wrong? Or maybe they were just platonically holding hands, when Levi saw them that one time in the hallway.
There are different kinds of people, after all. And teenagers are the most different kind of them all.
Levi was about to leave the library, since the puddle was no more, but he decided to empty the trash cans while he was already there.
He passed the desk – Mikasa was still stroking Eren’s hair, who seemed to actually fall asleep under the touch – and moved to the nearby trash can.
But as he leaned down, to pull out the trash bag, he noticed that Eren’s knee was placed against Armin’s own in such a manner that no way could be accidental.
Damn.
So Jäger was a player.
However, even if Levi’s theory was true, he couldn’t just drop everything and go seek Erwin. He had a job to do. A job he took seriously and valued very much, by the way.
So, when Levi started gathering trash in the library, he decided to empty every trash can in the school.
That's how he found himself in the hallway, near the spot with beanbags where students loved to spend their breaks by talking shit and/or napping.
This time, Levi heard them giggling.
“Just hurry up and get married.” he heard someone’s scowl. Kirstein’s. Jean Kirstein’s.
He was in the other trio made out of two other dumbasses: Sasha Blouse and Connie Springer. Levi remembered this only because these three were giving him the most headaches.
For example, there was this time when Sasha stole whipped cream from the teacher's fridge and Connie decided to make a Mount Fuji on his head with it.
It fell on the floor. And then Connie fell right into it.
Levi had a lot of cleaning that day.
But their trio was far different from Eren’s. First of all, they had other friends besides themselves – Jean was close with that Marco kid, for one.
And they did spend a lot of time without each other, unlike someone who would follow his friends even to the bathroom.
“Oh, we will.” Levi heard Ymir. He knew Ymir from the family gatherings, since she was dating Historia.
“Exactly one day after our graduation. Everyone’s invited, of course.”
“Wait, you two are for real?” Jean’s bafflement echoed through all the walls.
Levi moved to another trash can. He couldn’t see from there all of the group, but saw Ymir laying on Historia who herself was laying on a beanbag.
“Yup.” Historia nodded, beaming at them all. “My uncle agreed to officiate our wedding.”
Ymir folded her hands like she was about to pray and exclaimed. “God bless Uncle Uri!”
“Lucky.” Jean muttered, before turning to someone. “And how about you?”
“We would if we could.” Eren grumbled back.
So, Eren was also there. Levi wondered which one of his lovers he referred to. And if the rest of his class were even aware of what was going on between the three of them.
And they probably knew, Levi thought, because, suddenly, they all fell mute and the atmosphere became quite awkward.
But to Levi’s greatest surprise, instead of trashing Eren because of his behaviour, they started sympathising with him.
“Shit, my bad.” Jean apologized.
“I’m sorry, Eren.” Historia grimaced.
“That really sucks, man.” Ymir added.
And then Connie interjected. “I heard somewhere that you could get married in Bangladesh.”
He must’ve been dozing off together with Sasha, because she also joined the conversation.
“Connie, do you even know where Bangladesh is?
“I’m just saying that they could get married there!” Connie argued, when everyone started laughing. “You know, as a throuple.”
Unfortunately, (or, fortunately for his sanity) Levi had to leave them there in order to throw all of the full trash bags to the main bin on the outside.
But as he was going down the stairs, he wondered:
Why would they marry in Bangladesh? Why couldn’t they marry in Germany? Or anywhere in Europe?
And what the Hell is a throuple?
Levi was so lost.
Levi managed to stop thinking about Eren for some time.
He focused on his job and cleaned almost all of the bathrooms in the building. He was cleaning the last one, worrying himself over the filthy mirror in the men’s bathroom, when he saw in the reflection as Eren’s gang stopped by the women’s bathroom.
Mikasa handed Eren her bag and Armin gracefully opened the door for her.
When she went inside, they both leaned on the wall next to the bathroom and continued (what it seemed to be) their previous talk.
“I don't think he's against it, I think he just doesn't understand why would I want this,” Armin said with a grimace. “Why can't I just choose one.”
Ah, the cliché of choosing.
Levi knew where this conversation was going.
“And it's not like people like us didn't exist in his time," Armin continued. “Or before. It was always around, ever since ancient Egypt.”
Eren was playing with the bag’s decorative bat wings, as he replied “Yeah, but it's different when it's your own grandson and not a pharaoh from Egypt."
Armin sighed “Right,” and crossed his arms, leaning his head against the wall.
He seemed to be in low-spirits already in the library and the talk with Eren managed to somehow bring him even lower.
Levi thought that he finally understood everything – It was as clear as day, after all.
Armin wanted to be with Eren, Eren wanted to be with Armin, but society didn’t let them. Mikasa was only a cover for their would-be relationship. Levi saw something similar in a soap opera once.
And it was pitiful, but it didn’t justify the cheating, Levi decided firmly.
“At least he still wants us around.” Eren tried to sound hopeful. “There was always a possibility that he'd slam the door in our faces and lock you in the house.”
“Oh, come on, he’d never hate you.” Armin chuckled, but it was a rather sad sound.
There was a moment of silence, broken only by the sound of the spray as Levi continued cleaning the mirror.
“I’m sure he'll come around.” Eren said gently, before pulling Armin into a hug and kissing his temple.
Levi frowned at the sight. Wasn’t Mikasa in the bathroom? That was really bold of them if they didn’t care if she saw them or not.
“Yeah, maybe.” Armin muttered, resting his forehead against Eren’s shoulder. “But I kind of wish he was more like Zeke.”
“No, you don't.” Eren scoffed.
He frowned and crossed his arms as he leaned back on the wall behind him. “Zeke made a Reddit post and asked how more supportive he could be.”
Which made Armin frown, too. “Is that why he keeps sending me all these book recommendations? I thought he just had a really peculiar taste.”
The bathroom door opened and Mikasa came out.
“We can go now.” she announced, taking the bag from Eren.
“It's lunch break,” Armin pointed out. “Are we going to Lidl?”
“Nah, let's go somewhere private.” Eren replied, emphasising on the last word.
And all Levi thought was:
Ew.
Somewhere “private” happened to be exactly where Levi happened to be heading, as well.
He was about to cut the grass, when he noticed the trio relaxing under the tree behind the gym hall. Levi remembered that tree because it was carved with all kinds of initials. He saw Y+H and M+J and even someone’s name – MAE – inside a crooked heart.
Well, teenagers and their corny gestures.
Levi was trying to get the mower going, when he heard “Ah, shit.”
And then a yelp. “Eren! You’re gonna get my books wet!”
Curiosity got the better of him. Levi looked towards the commotion and watched what was going on.
“Your books?! I am wet now!” Eren scowled, pointing at his shirt. Whatever he was drinking was now all over his clothes.
“Just go to the bathroom, Eren.” Mikasa said, not even looking up from her phone.
Eren grumbled something, but still did what he was told to.
Now, it was only Mikasa and Armin under the tree.
Awkward, would Levi say.
But they didn’t look as if there was any awkwardness between them.
“Armin, you’ve been studying all day.” Mikasa turned to Armin who was fretting over his partly-wet book. “I’m sure you’ll get a good grade.”
“But–” Armin tried to argue, but couldn’t when his book got snatched away from him.
“Take a break.” Mikasa said, straightening her legs and pulling Armin down by his shoulders so he would lay in her lap.
And Armin didn't have the strength to resist her, so after a moment his head was on Mikasa’s thighs.
“But only for a moment–”
“Shh.” Mikasa kissed his forehead and began playing with his hair in the exact same way she did with Eren’s in the library.
And Levi stared at them, dumbfounded.
...So, are they all cheating on each other?
Then, what was that conversation in front of the bathroom about?
Levi was so, so lost.
He thought about waiting for Eren to see his reaction at the sight of his girlfriend (?) and lover (?) together, but that was when the mower started working.
And maybe that was for the better, Levi decided.
He could already feel a headache coming.
Levi was so grateful for the coffee break. Even though he didn’t drink coffee, but tea. (But it wasn’t like someone was checking that.)
“You look like there’s something on your mind, Levi.” Erwin greeted him, while sitting down at his table.
“You don’t say.” Levi muttered back.
There was something on his mind – Eren was cheating on Mikasa with Armin and Mikasa was cheating on Eren with Armin. And between it all, there was Levi, the silent watcher.
It was exactly as if he were inside one of the soap operas that his uncle loved to watch every Saturday.
The only thing missing now was a pregnancy and one killing the other out of jealousy.
Levi raised his head from his tea cup and finally acknowledged Erwin’s presence. Which made him realize that it was Erwin.
Erwin, who he seeked for the entire day.
“I was meaning to talk about it to you, actually.” Levi said, hopeful that he’d be finally free from all that teenage drama.
“You were?” Erwin raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah.” Levi frowned. “It’s about Eren. And what he’s got with that Armin and Mikasa–”
“Oh, I see.” Erwin nodded and Levi felt relieved.
But not for long, because Erwin continued. “Well, it is unconventional, but since they’re not hurting anyone… I don’t think there is anything for us to worry about.”
Levi felt his frown returning to his face. “So, you’re fine with them cheating on each other?”
In response, Levi saw Erwin’s eyes widening and his brow furrowing, as if he had just said something so offensive that he would get a reprimand for it.
“What?” he asked, taken aback by such a reaction.
“I just didn't think you'd be so close minded.” Erwin explained after a while, avoiding Levi’s gaze.
What.
“But I think it's my fault for assuming that, since you were raised by two men–”
“And what exactly does that mean?" Levi interrupted him, genuinely having no idea what the fuck was Erwin implying – his uncles were together for over thirty years and never cheated on each other.
Did he just assume that they did?
Woah.
Levi had no idea that Erwin could be such an asshole. Maybe he was the close-minded one, if he still lived by stereotypes.
And Levi would say that to his face! He would, but Erwin didn’t let him.
“I don’t intend to argue with you, Levi.” he said, both of his hands up in a peaceful gesture.
“Maybe, just… try to get a more broad perspective. You see, I can recommend a couple of books about that topic, so you wouldn’t see it as cheating.”
Erwin glanced at his watch and said, “Oh, it's late. I have to go.”
Levi knew for a fact that there was no watch on his wrist. Still, he didn’t stop Erwin. He didn’t feel like talking to him, anyway.
But before leaving, Erwin added. “I’ll make you a list!”
And then Levi was left alone with his tea.
He stared at the dark liquid and thought: What the fuck.
What the actual fuck.
Levi had had enough of that day.
That was exactly what he got for caring, in the first place – a damn headache. He decided to never get involved in other people's businesses ever again.
All he needed to do was get his job done and clean. That was why he was there, that was the reason he was getting paid. Not to solve teenage drama and get insulted (and get his family insulted) in the meantime.
Luckily, he only had the windows left to clean and after that he could go home and forget all about Eren and Mikasa and Armin and their circle of mutual betrayal.
He was in the middle of cleaning the windows at the end of the hall on the last floor – that wasn’t the busiest part of the school, so Levi wouldn’t get scolded if he’d pass them.
But he was a man who got his job 100% done. So, he cleaned them anyway.
From there he had a great view of the trash bins. Students loved to hide behind them and go for a smoke, convinced that no one would see them.
Oh, but Levi saw them. Levi saw them all.
This time, the person who decided to indulge in the nicotine addiction was… Armin.
Something was wrong, Levi decided. Talk about judging the book by its cover, but there was no way in Hell that Armin was a smoker.
And Levi was right, because he wasn’t smoking, but making out with Mikasa.
Levi was about to turn around, because he wasn’t some kind of a pervert to watch minors getting at it, but then Eren showed up and suddenly Levi couldn’t resist.
Fine, he also loved to watch soap operas, here; he admitted it.
Levi waited for the shouts or maybe even a fight to begin – and that’s why he shouldn’t ever be a teacher – but nothing like that had happened.
Eren didn’t shout, he didn’t even look surprised.
He simply walked behind Mikasa and kissed her neck.
And immediately after that, Armin’s hand shot up to pull Eren closer and to join their lips together.
Levi got back to cleaning the windows.
He felt so fucking dumb.