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Everything wanted Giyuu's attention. Wind blew softly through the forest just enough to rustle the leaves. Crickets chirped outside and occasionally a firefly would fly past the window, leaving the faintest glow for only a second.
It was one of those nights Giyuu laid awake on his futon well past when he should be asleep. He had tried everything, deep breaths, counting sheep, even trying to hold his breath until he passed out. Something tugged uncomfortably in his chest.
He was jealous of Sabito right now, the boy lay fast asleep just a few meters away across the room. Actually he was jealous of Sabito all the time. No... Jealous wasn't the right word for it. He was in awe of Sabito all the time. Almost everything Sabito did was perfect, not because he was just naturally talented but because he worked hard for it.
Giyuu loved how great Sabito was. He loved how flawless he looked when they would spar. He loved how determined he always was. He loved how he always knew just what to do. He loved when Sabito teased him. He loved when Sabito would take his hand to drag him somewhere, or when they would huddle real close during the winter. Giyuu turned onto his side to face the sleeping boy.
He loved Sabito.
What.
The string that had been tugging at his heart all night was yanked at full force. If Giyuu didn't know any better he would've thought his heart had been pulled out of his chest. He stared wide eyed at the other boy. The other boy, who had no idea what realization just crossed Giyuu's mind.
Tsutako used to tell him that love was the best feeling in the world. That one day he would meet a girl and she would make him so happy he'd never want to be away from her. She'd tell him she can't describe it, that he wouldn't understand till it happened to him, that he would just know it was love.
But how could this be love if Sabito wasn't a girl?
He sat up straight almost robotically, hand clamped over his mouth. A cold sweat coated his body and his heart was beating faster than it ever should be. The symptoms were similar to waking up from a nightmare but was this... was this a nightmare?
He looked back over at his best friend.
"Sabito." He said in a loud whisper. His friend immediately stirred, sitting up and rubbing his eyes sleepily.
"Yeah?" He asked drowsily, wondering what was so important that Giyuu woke him up in the middle of the night.
Giyuu didn't hesitate to say the next words out of his mouth. He and Sabito didn't ever keep anything from each other. Their relationship wasn't the type where thoughts were kept to oneself, they shared every word that their brains came up with.
"Sabito, I think I'm in love with you."
Maybe it was the panicked tone or those words in that order, but Sabito snapped awake. "What?" He didn't really mishear, but what else was he supposed to respond with?
"I- I think I'm in love with you..." Giyuu repeated, somehow more panicked, but he couldn't bring himself to look away from Sabito. "and I don't know what to do." A hand pushed his bangs up before gripping the roots of his hair so hard it nearly made tears spring from his eyes. "Sabito, what do I do?" The shakiness of his voice had him wondering if the tears were really only from pain.
The other stood up and crossed the room, taking a seat, legs crossed, right in front of Giyuu, who had his knees up to his chest. Sabito placed his hand over the one Giyuu had tangled in his hair, gently coaxing it away before the other boy could start pulling out the roots--a nasty stress habit he had. "Giyuu, calm down. What makes you say that?" Sabito asked. He kept the other boy's hand held in his own.
Giyuu's cheeks flushed the moment Sabito took his hand. Why was he so weird? Why was he making everything so weird! Best friends hold hands sometimes. He shouldn't be getting flustered about it like this; it wasn't natural. He squirmed for a second before gripping Sabito's hand back.
"This!" He tried to explain, lifting up their conjoined hands. "Everytime you're close to me or you hold my hand or you tease me I-" he racked his brain for the right thing to say. How was he supposed to explain what even his sister couldn't put into words? "I get this feeling in my chest- and my stomach!" His hand gripped the fabric of his night shirt over his heart. "And it's like it hurts, but I also don't want it to stop and..." his voice died out before he could finish. Tears pooled in his eyes, but they definitely weren't from pain this time. He didn't sob, he didn't sniffle, he just bowed his head and let the tears pour down his face onto his blankets. He didn't flinch when Sabito lifted his free hand to wipe them away.
"Why are you crying? There's nothing to be sad about." Sabito comforted, giving a reassuring squeeze to Giyuu's hand. The other boy let go of his hand in response, gritting his teeth to hold back a sob. He grabbed Sabito's wrist and carefully pulled the boy's other hand away from his face.
"No, you don't get it." Giyuu shook his head. "We can't be friends anymore all because I'm a freak!" Giyuu somehow manifested the courage to look Sabito in the eye as he admitted it. If he was going to tell his friend something like this, he could at least spare him the dignity of being looked in the eye as he was slapped in the face. Because that's what this was, a slap. Giyuu had betrayed him. Sabito was just trying to be a good friend, and he went and fell in love over it.
Sabito didn't know what to say. He was always supposed to know what to do no matter what, but this was new. Because everything Giyuu said, Sabito knew the feeling all too well. It was the reason he always went to hold Giyuu's hand, why he teased him, why he liked getting so close. Because he was selfishly chasing those butterflies that fluttered in his stomach every time he did it. He was wrong for it. He knew that. That feeling was the one thing he kept from Giyuu, and it constantly chewed at the back of his mind.
"You aren't a freak, Giyuu." Sabito said firmly. He hated when his friend talked like that about himself.
"But I am!" He retaliated. "I'm not supposed to feel like that about you because I'm a boy!" He could feel tears threatening to spill again. "I wish I was a girl! I wish I was a girl so I could be in love with you!" He sobbed. His hands rubbed at his eyes, desperate to wipe the tears away. "Because Tsutako said I was going to fall in love with a girl, and I didn't! It's not fair! Why did she get to be a girl! Why did she get to fall in love with a boy!" He cried. His body ached, everything hurt, but the stupid flutter feeling remained.
Sabito gritted his teeth. "But I don't want you to be a girl because I like you as a boy!" He exclaimed, his fists gripping at the blankets over Giyuu's futon.
"I love everything about you, and that includes being a boy, okay!" Sabito admitted. Despite the dark, Giyuu could make out the slightest dusting of blush on his cheeks, matching the shade of his peach colored hair.
The two stared at each other for a long moment. Sabito hunched his shoulders. "I don't care if people say it's wrong! Because it's how I feel, and if that's how you feel too then..." Sabito mustered up all the courage he had, grabbing Giyuu's hands in his own. "Then maybe we can just be wrong. Maybe that's alright..."
Giyuu stared in awe like he always did. Sabito was incredible he really was. Even as that horrible warm feeling of love coiled in his heart, Giyuu didn't wish it away. He didn't want to stop loving Sabito. "I.." he started. "I think that it's alright as well..." he agreed, squeezing Sabito's hands back. "Because I like you as a boy too."
And suddenly Giyuu just wanted to be closer to him, and it seemed like Sabito felt the same way as he released Giyuu's hands and wrapped his arms around his best friend. Giyuu leaned into the hug, his arms wrapping loosely around the other boy's back, just to have that steady feeling.
He was only slightly embarrassed at how easily he melted in Sabito's hold, burying his face into his shoulder, just trying to keep as little distance as possible. The flush on his cheeks only grew as Sabito leaned down, pressing his lips to the top of Giyuu's head in a soft kiss.
Giyuu couldn't decide if he loved or hated the way it made his heart flutter.
He got his answer when he realized how empty he felt when the other boy pulled his head away from Giyuu's. He wanted Sabito to do it again, wanted to feel that warmth and that tug in his chest and those butterflies, and the way it took away every bad thought Giyuu had.
Giyuu lifted his head, face only a few inches from Sabito's. He took in the other boy, the way his short bangs fell over his forehead, the scar across his cheek, his soft lilac eyes Giyuu could spend forever looking into. Giyuu couldn't decide what made him love his best friend's face so much. He leaned in subconsciously, like he was trying to get a better look, but to no avail as his eyes fluttered shut when his lips pressed a kiss to the corner of Sabito's mouth.
Sabito went stiff at the gesture, clearly a little caught off guard, enough to make Giyuu retreat a bit. His hands came up to cover his mouth like he couldn't believe what he'd just done.
"Uh- I... Sabito, I'm sorry I shouldn't have-" he didn't get a chance to finish. Sabito grabbed his wrist, pulling his hand away from his face. The other boy looked awe-struck. For once the tables were turned, even if it didn't really look it. The flush creeping up Giyuu's cheeks was far redder on his pale face than it was on Sabito's slightly more tanned one.
Sabito didn't say anything, but he dropped Giyuu's wrist in favor of cupping his cheek, his thumb brushing over the smooth, slightly cold-to-the-touch skin. Giyuu always ran cold, though now Sabito could feel the slight heat radiating off his flustered face.
"You're warm." He muttered quietly, saying anything to get Giyuu to shut up and stop apologizing for something he didn't even do wrong. The black-haired boy leaned forward, hesitating just a few centimeters away from his friend. Sabito followed suit, and Giyuu, seeing it was okay, finally closed the distance, pressing his lips to Sabito's.
He tasted like lavender.
Sabito tilted his head to the side and let his eyes flutter shut like it was natural. Nearly everything came natural to him. Somehow though, even for Giyuu, he didn't feel awkward, he just felt right.
Giyuu had only kissed someone one time before. A girl from his village had a crush on him, and once when she saw him, she kissed him. Not like he did with Sabito though, just a quick peck, but it felt so gross, so wrong. He told Tsutako about it, saying he never wanted to fall in love because it felt gross.
Of course, Tsutako told him it only felt gross because it wasn't the right person. Then again, it felt so right with Sabito.
Did that mean Sabito was the right person?
That shouldn't be it, though. They were both boys. Was something wrong with Giyuu? Was he broken? Why was he a boy who couldn't be in love with a girl?
He pulled away from Sabito, immediately missing the contact. His hand came up to his mouth, but instead of covering it, his fingers brushed over his lips.
"Did that feel gross to you?" He asked the other boy softly, bringing his eyes up to meet his gaze with a serious expression.
Sabito's face dropped in confusion. "No. Did it feel gross to you?" He asked curiously. Kissing Giyuu didn't feel gross, no. It made him feel...
"No, It felt.. tingly?" Giyuu replied, seemingly also a bit confused as he tried to sort out what he was feeling.
Sabito stared for a moment before a small laugh escaped his lips. His hand quickly coming up to cover his mouth as to not wake up Mr. Urokodaki who was sleeping in the other room. His free hand braced himself on Giyuu's shoulder as the rest of his body doubled over in a fit of giggles.
Giyuu stared in slight shock, more lost than ever. Sabito was... laughing? A small amused huff escaped Giyuu's mouth, the corners of his mouth tugging up into a confused smile, before a laugh of his own slipped past them.
The boys laughed, falling against one another and eventually, onto the futon. Sabito's laugh was perfect, sweet and light and the nicest noise Giyuu could think of.
Sabito gripped Giyuu's shoulders, burying his face into the boy's red kimono to muffle his giggling. Giyuu snickered in kind, amused at the ridiculousness of the whole scene.
When the laughing died down, and the boys were weak from their fits, held in each other's arms, Sabito couldn't help but snuggle up closer, and Giyuu couldn't help but let him.
And as the two drifted into sleep, Giyuu finally able to get rest held in the arms of the boy he didn't mind loving, he sighed.
There were so many things in this world, yet he wasn't sure what made people so afraid of two girls or two boys being together.
Out of all the things to fear, why pick love?
The only thing scary about love was feeling it.