Chapter Text
Francis McQueen was returning to his apartment after a visit to his parents at his childhood home. Well at that point Patrick’s parents had moved in with them years before. They had given Patricia their old home to raise Buzz and figured since they were close enough like family, they could all live together. It wasn’t too tight and they got along really well.
Francis had taken his cat PD to visit them as well. The families also had two cats named Spike and Merle. They got along with her fairly well although PD did have more of a kitten persona considering Francis found her outside of his apartment as a baby less than 2 years prior. He also never told the household that Spike was one of the Gremlins Patrick bought from Wang’s that ended up in a junkyard, or Merl (without the e) was the name of the Faberge Acorn stealing squirrel, both of which appeared in his final endeavor to rescue Patrick from the Darkside. The Dooleys although keeping their search for their son to the Brightside did financially help Francis’ with his apartment as well as other expenses. This was especially handy after the police department laid him off.
Since Patrick had taken the Bloodwolves on an unapproved field trip using the Popo Moto, he had to take the Subway with PD in a cat carrier. Given the city of Twin Lakes had a rail system, it had a far larger population than the 75,666 listed on the welcome sign which hadn’t been updated since the 1960s. Francis opened the cat carrier and scratched PD behind the ears. He then began to hear two people argue.
“Eileen I’m not helping you give out your marriage advice on this train. This towns weird enough without you making it any weirder.”
“Listen to me Carl, my advice will help people. They just need to give it a chance.”
“Maybe in the Darkside, but not here. And when you went to the Darkside, you almost got trapped by that purple monster who tried to keep you in a sewer.”
“I really don’t want to go back to that sewer.” Eileen scrunched her nose.
Francis looked up. “Darkside? Purple monster? Could that have been Geoff?” He thought to himself.
“Excuse me, did you say a purple monster in the Darkside?” Francis asked.
Eileen looked over. “Yeah he had tentacles. I thought he was cool until he wanted to go in the sewer.”
“If you don’t mind me asking when was this?”
“Oh last week, see I got this idea to go to the black market, and I got this book from a guy named Wang, and he told me I could go to the Darkside by drawing some symbols on the wall. So I drew them on an alleyway near a laundromat. And when I got to the other side there was this purple creature who said he missed his old friend Patrick Dooley. So I said oh well I don’t know a Patrick but we can hang out. And then we went to the sewer, but I fled out another exit because the guy started creeping me out. Then I ran back to the portal on the alleyway wall to get back here.” Eileen said it so fast Francis could barely understand her.
“Don’t try that again Eileen. I know that monster, his names Geoff. I had to rescue Patrick from the Darkside and it took me a year to figure out how. Also you opened a portal near my apartment and I had to pour paint thinner on it to close it.” Francis responded.
“Oops, my bad.” Eileen then cocked her head. “Aww you must really love Patrick.”
“Yes I do. He means the world to me. I lost my job at the police department because I was spending so much time looking for him. I got this cat because I was lonely.”
“Why are you telling her this McQueen, this is a stranger.” He thought to himself.
“You’re a cop?! Did I just tell a cop I went into the Darkside?!” Eileen said frantically.
“Detective. But just call me Francis. The Darkside is my division actually. Once Patrick came back, we got the division back. We’re the only ones who work there. In all honesty, I blame Wang, he’s caused more problems than I can imagine.”
“Awww, it’s so cute how you and Patrick work together. Wouldn’t that be a conflict of interest though being you two are in a relationship.” Eileen said.
“Relationship?! Oh no it’s not like that. Neither of us are in relationships Patrick is like a brother. He calls us the trouble brothers. I don’t know why considering he’s the only one who’s gotten into trouble.”
“Ohhhh I see like a platonic soulmate. I got that. Not a romantic one, I’m repulsed by everything as are all my friends. But it’s not this guy, I just convinced him to explore the dead of winter in the Midwest with me. His best friend and my best friend don’t know we’re here. It’s fun to go places and not tell your friends.” Eileen began laughing.
“Eileen, Ruby knows we’re here.” Carl interjected.
“What why?! I told you we’d just send random postcards with photos that look like our mugshots.”
“Because Tobias knew and Ruby asked. This entire thing is weird. She doesn’t like you doing stuff like this. If she finds out you went to the Darkside she’ll tell your mother.” Carl replied.
“I’m 35 years old her telling on me accomplishes nothing.”
“Do you want your mother to know?” Carl asked.
“No.” Eileen pouted.
Francis eyed her. Eileen was a lot like Patrick, wanting to get into trouble. He had to tell his sister on Patrick a few times, calling his mother only got the message back to Patricia anyways.
Eileen walked over to Francis. She eyed PD and sat down. “May I pet your cat?”
“Sure this is PD.” He took the cat out of her carrier and placed her on Eileen’s lap. She began to purr.
“That’s a cute name. What’s it stand for?” Eileen asked while scratching the cats ears.
“Placeholder Dooley”.
“Ohhh like Patrick Dooley.”
“Precisely. Like officer Patrick Dooley.” Francis replied.
“You’ve told me an awful lot about your personal life.” Eileen said.
“I guess we’ve both bonded over Geoff that disastrous purple monster.”
“Francis, you’re a nice guy. I’ve got an idea.”
“Eileen don’t you dare!” Carl said loudly.
Francis looked around the subway car, they were lucky they were the only ones in there or they would sound like a bunch of crazy people.
“Alright Eileen, I’m bored what’s your idea?”
“Follow my marriage advice, but with Patrick. You’re basically in a committed relationship.” Eileen placed PD in Francis’ lap. And took out her marriage advice book.
“You wrote a book? Does this sell?” He put PD back in her carrier.
“No I give them away. My financial situation is bizarre. Let’s just say I came into a very hefty sum and instead of spending it on fun vacations, I go to cities to ride trains and enter parallel dimensions.“ Eileen replied.
“Don’t do that again Eileen. I’m not even sure how the Darkside works in other places, but here you got lucky because it’s mirrored.” Francis began thumbing through the book. “This is some bizarre advice Eileen. Don’t tell your spouse when you go to the hospital?”
“Oh that would be great for you and Patrick since you don’t share finances. Never hide financial information from your spouse, that could affect their wellbeing.” Eileen replied.
“That’s good to know Eileen. I’m sure Patrick would be very happy if I went to the hospital and didn’t tell him, he’s my emergency contact after all.”
“You know in Ireland it’s very common for husbands to hide their hospital visits from their wives.” Eileen looked him over. “Dooley is an Irish name. My names Ferguson, it’s Scottish. You don’t have many freckles, I’m guessing you’re German. Then again I’m Scottish and have no freckles. Maybe you’re Scottish.”
“Eileen! This is weird! Stop analyzing this very patient detective. Carl interjected again.
“It’s fine, my name’s McQueen, I don’t really know where I came from to be honest. I know somewhere over there in Europe but I’m not sure. And no I don’t really have too many freckles.” Francis replied.
Hmm, you’re right. McQueen is actually more Scottish than Irish, but then again Francis is a Catholic name and Scotland is a Protestant country.” Eileen looked him over. “You’ve got to be Catholic. You work cracking down the occult. You’re named for a saint.”
Francis cocked his head. “That is true Eileen. I was raised Catholic. But the Irish were also known for their Druidism.”
“Yes but Druidism was also combined with Catholicism for many people and they followed both belief systems. But you’re in America and if you have no idea where you came from, then maybe you’re a hodgepodge. Which is what America essentially is a group of hodgepodges.”
“Eileen Francis is not a hodgepodge.” Carl responded.
“Detective Francis Hodgepodge. I like the sound of that.” Eileen laughed, amused.
“Eileen a hodgepodge is not a nice thing to call someone, it literally means chaotic mixture.” Carl relied.
“It’s certainly bizarre Eileen, but it’s not offensive. I don’t know where I came from in Europe, because my parents don’t talk to their family. It’s very likely the British Isles, but I could be Portuguese for all I know.”
”That’s sad, sometimes people do have to cut each-other off, I hope they became better after that.” Eileen replied.
“They did. Patrick and I met when we were little kids and the Dooleys became our family.”
”So if the Dooleys are your family, then you’re almost Irish.” Eileen’s face lit up.
”I guess you’re right.” Francis replied.
“No Eileen don’t do this, Francis doesn’t need to follow your advice because he ‘might’ be Irish by your strange common law rules.” Carl interjected.
“You know Patrick said something like that once.” Francis responded.
Francis found Eileen’s attention to be weird but almost captivating. He wasn’t attracted to her in the slightest, but they both wore trench coats although Eileen wore a red wide brimmed hat and looked about 20. She was like Emily but probably less violent.
“Perfect! Then since you’re both Irish, if you go to the hospital you don’t have to tell Patrick!”
Carl sighed. “Eileen we need to get off this train soon we’re almost to the hotel.”
“The hotel is near the laundromat!” Eileen shouted.
“I know what you’re thinking Eileen but we cannot go visit Francis. He has a life.” Carl replied.
“Actually, you can come over. It’s a small place. But I’m usually bored without Patrick or work. And it’s good to help tourists. We’ve got a guy but he’s a bit of a dud.” Francis stood up when the train came to a halt. “Here’s our stop guys.”
The three of them and PD got off the subway and walked out of the station to the street to Francis’ apartment.