Chapter Text
For as long as you can remember, you've been beefing with your own magic and psyche. For someone so damn overpowered with the ability to unthink entire timeverses; the fact that you still struggle with your timetables is nothing short of insane.
Once, your lazy ass abolished time tables and the entirety of math & numbers in around six dimensions out of sheer spite; causing a split in-between (those realities) humans on whether or not they could make sense of time. Was time even real? That's the type of shit you caused. Then again, you fixed it when the time councils started to nag at you, so technically, you're not a bad person. Just...a weirdo. Which is not much better, but whatever.
So when you had the genius idea to slingshot yourself into the belly of a glitchy thousand-mouthed Freedom-eater so that you may experience death—you did not expect yourself to land in the anime of 'One Piece' of all things.
Guess this is your life now. Resistance isn't futile considering your power, but why not stay a little longer in this strange funky anime world and interview a few people?
Running out the mouth of a sea king on its vomit, you did a moonwalk mid-vomit-air and spotted a strange ship while breaking physics in your in-air backflip with around 34 ridiculous flips. You hummed and hah-ed, stopping your once-endless roll midair, instead walking on the air to them—to what you believed to be the Sunny; belonging to the Strawhat pirates. You don't really know which timeline you're in; whether Luffy is a yonko yet—you could find out, but that would ruin the fun.
You paused, rubbing your long imaginary wizard beard. "Shouldn't I bring 'hello' gifts?" You pondered out loud, a few blocks away from the Sunny, miraculously still undetected due to hiding your life presence. "Is that a thing in this reality? Or am I thinking of the #453A7544 flavor wormburger, reality?"
Eventually, you said yolo with a shrug and summoned a smooth, shiny palm-sized rock, conjuring a permanent marker in your other hand and doodling a face on the rock before giving it a 'goodbye' kiss.
You promptly walked over to the Thousand Sunny, standing midair above the ocean, grinning sharp fangs.
"Hello! Anyone home?" You chirped, knocking on an invisible intangible door which somehow echoed the sounds of knocking on wood.
Abruptly, a sword was right at your throat, eeriely close. You blinked, still holding the rock you named 'Rockbert'.
"Who the hell are you? Marine?" Zoro narrowed his single opened eye, as you grinned, only making Zoro press his sword harder against your throat.
"Nope! Also, if I was, I totally wouldn't just admit it. Dumbass dummy of the dummies." You said, sing-songing just to be annoying with childish insults. You tilt your head, a droplet of pure black blood (which Zoro mentally noted was definitely not human-like) dripping down from Zoro's harsh sword placement. "Ain't you Zobo? Or Zono? The Pirate Hunter? Which, by the way, is outdated cause' you're a pirate, aren't you? The pirate who pollinates flowers with your bee stinger Magisword?"
Zoro tch'ed, "The fuck are you talking about? Are you high or just naturally obnoxious?" He narrowed his one unscarred eye further. "Also, it's Roronoa to you. I don't know you, and I already don't like you."
You flutter your eyelashes like a fair maiden, shapeshifting a hat that said 'pretty princess' on your head in bright neon rainbow and glitter, "How about now? Ya' like me now?"
"Fuck, I'm gonna vomit," Zoro said, his face actually turning green dramatically.
"I could give you a nausea pill—!"
"No way."
"—for a small price!"
"I said no. Piss off."
You poke your pierced tongue out, "Fine. I'll take my nostalgia-flavoured penjamin and smoke it with someone else."
Zoro pulled his sword back, deeming you too much of an idiot to be an actual threat despite the immense incomprehensible power radiating from your sheer presence alone, his eyes fixed on the way your slight paper-cut-like wound immediately healed up. "You're nuts. You some Looney-Tunes ass circus-act runaway?" He deadpans.
"I'm—" You spoke your true name; before realising at Zoro's face that he couldn't speak let alone comprehend your language. It likely sounded like reversed birdsong and static to him. "Oh yeah. Just call me [Name], that's what my judge calls me."
"...Judge? Do I even want to know?"
"Oi, mosshead! Who are you yapping to?" Sanji interrupted what you were going to say, squinting at how you were still standing outside the rails above the sea whereas any normal physics-abiding person would fall. "Who's this goober?"
You tilt your head at Sanji, "Who are you? Ain't you that guy really into mermaid dominitrixes OC's? Swear I've seen you on Twitter. You are aware your likes are public right?" You bluntly say, casually exposing Sanji as he turns a shade of red unseen before out of sheer rage. Meanwhile, Zoro is spitting his alcohol out—full on slapping his thighs with booming laughter, definitely adding this new revealed fun fact to his growing list of blackmail.
"WHA—WHO EVEN—THAT'S NOT ME! HOW DO YOU—" Sanji quite literally buffers, torn between beating you up, rolling you into a joint to smoke before puking you out and jumping into the sea to escape this cruel fate.
"Eyes without a face..." You say theatrically, quoting a majestic song by Billy Idol, completely out of prompt but inspired by Sanji's Twitter account being unknowingly public with his strange kinks on full display, only making Zoro laugh harder.
Sanji gestures wildly with a middle finger at you and Zoro, "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS SHIT! ZORO, QUIT LAUGHING AND GET RID OF HIM! I DON'T WANT TO TOUCH THIS FREAK!" You know it's serious when he actually refers to Zoro by his name.
"Me? Freak? Why, thank you. This is true validation. Be ugly, be grotesque, be cringe." You wave your hand, giggling while adding a strangely profound quote that makes Sanji's mind shortcircuit further.
You add with absolutely zero filter, "Also, I don't think you're one to talk. I've seen the type of shit you're into. How do you go from liking Kendrick Lamar songs to Nicole Watterson/Richard Watterson x reader childhood friends to lovers fics? The duality of a man." Zoro couldn't even breathe with all of this overwhelming stuff happening, god, he needed to convince Luffy to get you on the crew right now as a jester or something.
As if summoned by Zoro's thoughts, Luffy appears, mouth full of at least four different types of meat. He takes one look at you, floating calamity of a man who's currently shapeshifted a neon pink tuxudo paired with flip flops for no reason at all, and immediately nods solemnly as if anything about this or you made sense. He didn't once question why you were here, who you even were, why Zoro was on the floor like he was going into cardiac arrest, why Sanji was chainsmoking, and why the hell your haki is beyond words, instead he looks up at you with a million-watt grin from where you floated in the air.
"Who're you? Are you the tooth fairy Usopp talks about that comes once every blue moon? Cuz' right now, Usopp has this really cool unicorn grill, and I think if you took it; you'd be the best tooth fairy of all." Luffy greets, as unhinged as usual, hands on his hips.
"Luffy, don't give away my stuff, you idiot," Usopp protests, having been here the whole time and invested in the drama. "And don't talk to this guy," Usopp squints at you, either with judgement or just fear like he was seeing a biblical figure. "he clearly is some type of science experiment gone wrong. We should all quarantine. Immediately."
"My name is [Name]! I don't got a last name, but my people call me Prince Chaos or Revenge. My old school bully calls me deranged. My estranged step mother called me a Smiling Friends character before she died and ascended to heaven. Or hell. Depends on who you ask." You greet back, also just as unhinged as Luffy.
"Wow. That was an insane lore drop." Usopp sweatdrops, somehow less intimidated and more impressed.
"[Name]?" Robin, of all people, jaw drops where she had been watching from a distance with amusement. "You mean...the [Name] of the Dreamrealm? The realm talked about in hushed whispers from fools or scared gods? Absolutely incomprehensible, and very much world-breaking if ever revealed a being from there came to Earth?"
You give a thumbs up, "Yup," You pop the 'p', continuing. "That’s my homeworld. I'm the Prince there." Robin's jaw drops further, utterly dumbfounded—the Strawhats around growing both unnerved and deeply intrigued at her uncharacteristic reactions.
"He's not lying...I can tell. Not one nervous micro-expression, not one eye flicker away. Even his heartbeat is steady, no moisture of sweat on his palms." Sabo comments, eyes narrowed at you. "Robin, what is the 'Dreamrealm'? Is there history behind it? Who is he, if he is the prince of that place?" Sabo asks.
"Hold on—can we address how this guy is actively chewing on Franky's cola stash? Like...not drinking it, but eating the metal." Nami pipes up, pointing an annoyed finger at you.
"I'm doing both, actually. Drinking and eating. Like soup. Tastes great." You reply unhelpfully between said gulps of metal and soda.
"I can't tell whether this is a crime against cola or an act of true love." Franky comments, dramatic tears flowing from his eyes.
Ignoring the idle conversation, Robin answers Sabo (who is the co-captain of the Strawhats with Ace and Luffy) honestly. "The Dreamrealm is an unspeakable place, even the most simple baby language of the people, creatures and beings from there cannot be comprehended. Since the beginning of civilization on Earth, there has been countless studies, inquiries, searches for just the barest information about this place. We don't even know if it's a realm; a pocket dimension; a world; an afterlife, or other, if it even exists within our understanding." She starts, continuing as she studies you with flaming academic curiosity like one would upon seeing the sunrise for the first time. "We only found out about it through mysterious carvings in the first ever tree that grew that the first Earthlings were able to see once developed sight and consciousness, and even then; with no concrete evidence as we didn't have photographs or anything at the time, it could only be told and passed down through storytelling. This developed countless philosophies that people follow today; with the key theme of each philosophy being the assumed message encarved and ingraved in the tree which is: "Love And Joy Will Prevail, Hold it Close Instead Of Weapons."
Robin uses her devilfruit to sprout extra eyes in order to study you closer as she continues, "Some say that the Dreamrealm is the final destination of mankind. Others believe it has nothing to do with mankind, that it exists outside our rules and understanding, existing unapologetically. To know that we stand before a prince of this realm..it is what dreams and hope are made of, like standing before an abyss. Countless libraries were destroyed that had anything to do with Dreamrealm all throughout history, forbidden. Even the World Government does not speak of it, instead choosing to demonize it rather than understand and educate alongside silencing people who research about it." She pauses, before speaking again directly to you as the crew process her words with varying amounts of awe and reverence. "[Name], you said your name was? Would you mind giving us any information about your home, if it's alright with you? We won't push you to, know that it is your choice, but we would be grateful. Especially me, because I am an archeologist of this crew."
You grin wider, "Yeah, okay. That's easily done. Let's see...well, to start off, it isn't just a realm. Like you said, nobody really knows what it is, right? That's because it simultaneously exists on each and every layer of reality, non-existence, what's yet to be and can never be, so all your theories and speculations are all true all at once. Doesn't matter how contradicting or impossible." You rub your imaginary beard in thought, trying to put it into Earth words. "Impossibility isn't even a thing in my home. Everything can be done, no matter how extreme, how whimsical, how small or considered boring, how layered in rabbitholes it is. The foundation of my world is that it exists on top of infinity, so there's infinite possibilities as a result. My home is always constantly expanding, more and more things are discovered everyday. Ecosystems, land, diseases, psychological systems, genders, fears, music, all sorts."
"So it's like a never-ending storytale Makino used to tell at bedtime? Except there is no bedtime either?" Luffy inputs his understanding, profoundly correct despite the simplicity.
"That is both the most badass and scariest shit I've ever heard. And you're saying you're the prince of this place? Christ. I need to be knocked out into a coma." Ace pipes up bluntly with an amused drawl, having been sleeping at first but woke up at observation haki sensing something unusual happening.
Brook sips his tea calmly before speaking, "[Name], how did you become prince? Assuming your home is infinite, there's infinite monarchies and systems related. Also, may I see your panties?"
You snort at Brook, "Sure. I don't got panties, but I got boxers if that helps." You shamelessly shift your baggy basketball shorts hem down a bit to reveal the bands of your absurd yet strangely endearing Spongebob Squarepants-themed boxers. "Also, I'm prince cuz' I was born into royalty. My family. Since the dreamrealm has existed, unthinkable wars have raged on between ourselves, environment and even other species. My ancestors were the ones to put an end to the constant bloodshed, bringing a new era of peace. As prince and the strongest of my people in history, it's my job to keep my people happy, liberated and healthy."
Nami throws a tangerine dead center at your forehead, barking, "DON'T ACCEPT HIS PERVERTED REQUEST!"
"There is no way this guy is the prince of an eldritch cosmic horror realm and he's wearing Spongebob fucking Squarepants boxers." Sanji's eye twitches.
Robin glances at Sabo, both not even hiding their genuine fixation on you and your world as she looks back at you and hums, "So even forces beyond our understanding have wars and peace."
"Is he part of the crew now?" Chopper asks, fur puffed up like a dandelion in primal innate reverence his reindeer animal DNA recognized you as something beyond apex predator. He wasn't scared, he also recognized through this that you wouldn't hurt him, a sense of strange yet familiar safety surrounding you. Choppers nose twitches as he speaks again, "He smells nice. Like whimsy. And [Signature Scent]."
"Hey!" Luffy points at you with a bright smile, making you salute teasingly in reply. "What is your dream? Join our crew! Don't care that you're one above all! You're nakama now!"
"Wait—hold on, are we really keeping this..." Usopp gestures into your general area.
"We kept Zoro." Sanji dryly said, referencing Steven Universe at a time like this as Zoro absentmindedly sliced at the air at Sanji's lighted cigarette tip so he kept having to relight it in petty retaliation.
"My dream is to have fun with a family of my own and go on an adventure!" You proclaim, fangs glistening in your grin. "Also, I specialize in art, and I'm the embodiment of magic so I can be an artist n' magician!" You pop a party popper which transforms into meat just for Luffy, Ace and Sabo snatching a few pieces for themselves greedily.
Luffy laughed in delight, "Shishishi!" He chewed on his party popper turned meat; pointing at you again. "Awesome! You're cool, [Nickname]! Like a fart being released! Satisfying!"
"What the fuck are you talking about, Luffy?" Zoro sideeyed his one of three captains, taking a large gulp of his sake as if to erase the fart comparison out his mind.
"WH—ART? Oh my seas, he even said magic. This is the best day of my life. Finally, someone who can actually draw my sonas and oc's instead of my shitty art that looks like a second graders abstract art." Usopp gushed, soul leaving his body in his joy despite literally being apprehensive about you joining just two seconds ago.
"Artist?" Nami's eyes turned to money signs. "Commissions...do you know how much furries pay for furry art? A shit ton, that's what! Alright, [Name], you're hired!" She grinned at you, reaching a hand out for you to shake, literally dealing with the devil.
Despite knowing you're definitely going to be broke for the rest of your life with your new crew by Nami taking all your cash, you still happily shake her hand because you know she's got a heart of gold and is no doubt going to use your earnings wisely. Or on luxury beauty products. Or by buying pranks for your crew—like hyperrealistic animatronics of each other to spook them. Regardless, despite just meeting this crew—now your crew—you knew it was going to be the best damn adventure of your many lives.
Everyone deadpans when you place the rock you had summoned at the beginning in Nami's hands.