Actions

Work Header

got my rye on you

Summary:

An account of the events that took place at Panera Bread, Staten Island, circa 2009

or

How Guillermo de la Cruz became a familiar to Vampire Nandor the Relentless

Work Text:

Guillermo’s life was extraordinarily dull, to put it bluntly. He had graduated high school four years prior, and yet had made no progress on any of his aspirations, not that he had any set to begin with. He still lived with his mom, and was stuck working horrific shifts at the only Panera Bread that was foolish and cruel enough to stay open twenty-four-seven. 

Who needs a mediocre sandwich at 3am, you might ask? Guillermo himself, a veteran employee, could not answer that question, as it was rare there was a single customer during the dreaded night shift Guillermo was so frequently scheduled. 

It is not like he had any other place to be. During the day, he would catch up on his slumber. On his days off, he maintained his unique sleep schedule by drowning out his brain and playing games with some friends online throughout the night. As much as Guillermo bemoans and mopes, it was a comfortably stable routine he had fallen into. He got paid to do almost nothing, and had an excuse to spend time away from his family, as much as he loves them. 

They could be overbearing at times, passing judgements and remarks about Guillermo and how he has chosen to live his life. An especially sore area was his lackluster love life, his mom and grandma frequently setting him up with girls in his church in hopes one of them sticks. These dates, of course, were not successful. They often resulted in Guillermo providing advice and gossiping with them about other boys in the church, feeling more like an older brother than a boyfriend. These failed expectations did not help the ever growing insecurity he felt, so anytime without them, he began to cherish. 

Thus, it came as a surprise when, on a chilling autumn night around 3am, Guillermo heard the splitting chime of the doorbell ring, alerting him to the presence of a customer. Guillermo is hunched near the register, rereading his copy of Anne Rice’s Interview with the Vampire. He turns his eyes from the page to see a large figure standing still in the walkway, a lurking presence. He watches for a moment to see what the person will do. After a few passing seconds, which feels a lot longer than it actually is, the figure still had not moved an inch. Guillermo’s heartbeat picks up; he has seen too many horror movies to know where this was going.

“Hi, welcome in!” Guillermo shouts measly, his voice cracking. 

As if something was halting the silhouette before, the shape unfreezes and fully enters the lobby.

“Thank you for your warm welcome!” The customer has a distinct accent Guillermo could not place, and a deep grumping voice. The figure is clearer now, as it draws closer to the counter. It shocks Guillermo when the presence takes the shape of a very attractive man, who looks as though he’s cosplaying as some ancient warrior. His fur cape is lined with gold trimming, and Guillermo is impressed by how detailed his cosplay seems to be. Far more detailed than any cheap Halloween City outfit Guillermo had seen. Definitely expensive, he thinks. For as unusual as the outfit is, it fits his face perfectly. He has strong dark features, with a muscular build to match.

Guillermo tries not to get distracted by this man’s loud presence, instead refocusing on playing the calm and collected customer service role. This task, he finds, is extremely challenging when there is a 6 '2 man who looks like he just walked out of a classic gothic romance novel standing there, with his eyes focused solely on you.

“What could I get for you?” he tries.

The man smiles, revealing canines sharper than most, “I was looking for something to feast upon, and you look-” suddenly his thought interrupts as he sees the book laid on the counter, “Interview with the Vampire?” He reads aloud.

“Yeah,” Guillermo stifles an awkward laugh, “A classic! Got to have something to pass the time with once the store is all clean since not that many people want to eat in the middle of the night.”

“Oh yes, I know how that is. Us, silly humans with our silly eating patterns.” Guillermo nods along at that peculiar comment, although not fully masking his look of concern.

“So, you have an interest in vampires?” the man tries.

Guillermo has absolutely no clue where this interaction is heading, but his gut instinct is kicking in with a confusing mix of fear and intrigue.

“You could say that! Ever since I was a kid, I thought they were cool. It is kind of embarrassing but I’ve always thought how nice it would be to be one, if they were real.”

The man nods, “that is embarrassing.”

Feeling slightly defeated, Guillermo looks down and tried to switch back to the customer service script he rehearses, “So, what could I-”

However, the man interrupts him, “Being a vampire is nice at first. You have mighty powers, and you become stronger than all your village men, not that being weak was ever an issue for me, but probably for you. You get to drink blood, and fuck about. However, I think after the first three hundred years or so, it gets boring and lonely. Especially if you have no one to share it with.”

It slightly takes Guillermo back, not expecting such a response. “I guess I haven’t thought of it like that. But I think with unlimited time, you could find a person to spend forever with, hypothetically. There is someone out there for everyone.”

The man chuckles, “My little friend, you read too much romance.” Guillermo only flushes in response.

“It has been great discussing vampires with you-” the man glances down to the name tag fastened neatly on the other’s apron, “-Guillermo.” 

The man says his name with such a softness; it rolls off his tongue with great ease. Guillermo has never appreciated his name more until that very moment.

“However, I must go. I get very cranky when I don’t eat on time. Goodbye.”

Guillermo stands in confusion, “Aren’t you here to get food-” but by the time he finishes, the man has vanished. 

The interaction is over so fast, Guillermo takes a moment standing at a still, processing that interaction. Sure, in the middle of the night, there were bound to be some weirdos who came to order. It wasn’t infrequent that inebriated people stumble in after a night of partying and say interesting things. However, his encounter with the man felt different from that. The man seemed completely sober and was extremely alluring. If there was no security camera footage of the man's entrance, Guillermo would have definitely thought he was dreaming.

𖤐♰♰𖤐

After a sub-par meal on a neighboring gas station attendant, who was a lot more bitter than Nandor’s liking, he made his way back home to find his roommates all sitting in the fancy room.

“Well well well... Look what the donkey dragged in,” Nadja coos.

Colin Robinson joins in, “What happened to you? You took so much longer to eat than you usually do. We had a bet going, my guess was you got lost on the subway again. Public transportation is a great area for confusion,”

“I thought perhaps you had found yourself a lovely lad or ladd-ess of the night. But then another five minutes had passed, and I knew you would never last that long.” Laszlo chuckles.

Nandor rolls his eyes, “You would know that’s not true Laszlo. Anyway, enough of this disrespect. Something strange happened while I was looking for food.”

“Let’s hear the hot gossip,” Colin leans in.

“Spill it, bitch,” Nadja nudges.

“Jeez you guys,” Nandor sighs, “I spent so long looking for a victim. There seems to be a shortage of good virgins that no one would miss on Staten Island. But then, I found myself at a highly esteemed bakery in the Bronx. It is called ‘The Panera of Breads.’ with the freshest of baked goods. There was a virgin employee all alone, who smelled absolutely delectable.”

“So? Get to the point.” Nadja bluntly states.

Nandor looks down, “For some reason, I could not drink from him! What the fuck! I never relent, and I had found the perfect entrée. But he was adorable and small, and he likes vampires! Something inside me told me not to eat him. I let him go, and settled for a non-virgin down the street, who did not taste good.”

In reaction, the housemates stare at Nandor for a solid moment.

“Ah hah,” Laszlo proclaims, “I will collect my earnings in gold doubloons,”

“We did not fuck! You win nothing! My feelings are not like that, o-a-kay?” Nandor raises his voice in defensiveness. 

Nadja laughs, “You waste time just to tell us about how you didn’t get some and let some pathetic virgin get away, wasting good food on gut feelings? There are vampires starving in Transylvania, Nandor!”

Nandor growls, “You guys are missing the big picture here. I never relent, and yet I did!”

“He likes vampires, you say?” Laszlo ponders and Nandor affirms.

“I ought to solve both your problems with my striking wit, as I always do. If he likes vampires, you must take advantage of that. You know what they say: Stretch a chap, he has pleasure for a night. Teach a man to stretch himself, he has pleasure for a lifetime.”

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s the saying,” Colin Robinson interjects.

Laszlo quips, “I, for one, could not be fucked.”

“Well, actually, according to your metaphor, you could be-”

“ENOUGH.” Nadja asserts, “what my stupid husband is trying to say is that you could solve both your stupid problems by making this stupid baker your familiar. You get to keep this guy alive, you don’t have to worry about food because he will find you virgins, and the little human gets the honor to be around vampires, making his pathetic little life. We’ve been needing a familiar for a few years. Win-win-win.”

Nandor brings his hand to the scruff on his chin, pondering what the other vampires were suggesting. “Pshh that was definitely what I was going to do! You didn’t let me finish! I had thought of making him my familiar.”

“So then, why didn’t you ask him?”

“Uh. I was hungry! It all happened so fast! Since it is getting early, tomorrow night back to Panera of Breads I shall go.” 

Laszlo pats Nandor’s shoulder, “Good luck gaining your baguette bloke,” 

𖤐♰♰𖤐

[Skype Call 5:14am: Jeremy - Outgoing, Duration- 45 minutes 3 seconds]

Skype Messaging

[7:02am 9-14-2009] Jeremy : ur telling me you met an attractive vampire and you DIDNT get his number????

[7:03am 9-14-2009] Guillermo: AGAIN not a vampire just a roleplayer of some sort and it’s not like that

[7:04am 9-14-2009] Jeremy: roleplaying at 3am alone at panera bread????????

[7:04am 9-14-2009] Guillermo: I don’t kinkshame (most of the time)

 

𖤐♰♰𖤐

 

“Um, I’m in a bit of a rush. Picking up a to-go order,” It’s midnight of the following day, and Guillermo is back at the mundane, yellow stained walled building of Panera Bread. He had gotten not much rest, gossiping and gaming with Jeremy after work. He was not thrilled to find the store with a list of to-go orders so soon into his shift, but at least it’s something to do, he figures. 

“No problem, what’s the name on your order?” Guillermo asks the customer. Like the customer from the previous night, he is also dressed inappropriately for a chain restaurant during dusk. He is suited in a fully beige blazer-trouser combo, the color paying no compliments to his pasty skin tone. 

The man is now texting on his flip phone, and Guillermo waits a solid ten seconds before he gets a response. “Sorry, I had to reply to this text. The name’s Colin Robinson. Don’t wear it out,” he grins awkwardly.

This was going to be a long night, Guillermo thinks. “Your order was just placed, I have a few in front of yours so it will be a moment.”

“I’m in a rush, can’t miss my midnight showing of Avatar. I’m going to talk through the whole thing with cool production facts. People go crazy for them. Did you know that director-”

Guillermo furrows his eyebrows, “-I’ll go prepare your order now.”

He would feel rude interrupting, but he wants nothing more than to get this customer out of the way. He had already felt exhausted from his lack of quality sleep, and something about interacting with this man only makes his exhaustion deepen.

After handing out the order to Colin Robinson, he stares at Guillermo for a lengthy time. “This has no gluten, right? I’m not allergic, but it definitely is not fun for my roommates to be around me after I have it, if you know what I mean. I’d have to have a word with your manager.”

Guillermo rolls his eyes, “Yep, no gluten.”
“Good. It’ll be bad for you as well, since you know, we will be roomies soon.”

Guillermo coughs in reaction, “What?”

“Y’know. Your boyfriend Nandor.” Colin eggs on.

“I have absolutely no clue what you are talking about. I’m not even - I’m straight, okay-, and who’s Nandor?”

“Yeah yeah,” Colin Robinson dismisses, “Anyway, gonna skedaddle. See you later, roomie!”

Guillermo is left confused, drained, and cursing capitalism as a structure which forces Guillermo to deal with customers in order to pay his share of rent.

Outside the restaurant, Colin speaks to a non-existent camera. “Couldn’t help myself,” he grins, “if Nandor won’t feed on him, someone’s got to.”

𖤐♰♰𖤐

A few excruciating hours later, the doorbell chimes again. Guillermo sighs, conditioned to dread the noise. He was in the middle of slicing loaves of bread, preparing for the morning rush. However, he brightens when he sees the familiar man from the previous night. His dread is replaced with thrilling anticipation, all the nerves in his gut making their presence known.

“Welcome back!” Guillermo greets.

The man is dressed in a similarly styled outfit as the night before, however this time a dashing maroon tunic and fur-lined cape.

“Hello, Guillermo,” the man offers a slight smile, “my apologies for leaving like that last night.” 

Guillermo squirms at the use of his name, it rolls off his tongue as if the two were already well acquainted, “Can’t blame you, I would much rather eat somewhere else than here. But don’t tell my manager that.”  

 The man nods in agreement, “The human food options look very sad.”

“What brings you back here then-… wait what’s your name?” Guillermo thinks aloud. 

“Nandor the Relentless. And you are what brought me here,” Guillermo flushes and drops the knife in his hand, slicing it clean. He is especially caught off guard by the return of the name that bland customer mentioned. It’s not as though there are many Nandor’s introducing themselves in New York.

“Fuck um,” the two glance down to the open wound in unison, which is now flooding with blood, before meeting each other's eyes.

Nandor’s expression is unreadable, he looks as though he is heavily contemplating. Finally, he swallows thickly before stating, “I am stepping outside. Fetch me when that is taken care of,” He gestures to Guillermo’s palm.

Guillermo is now left with a fresh gushing cut, an empty restaurant, and more curiosity than he knew what to do with. Who is this guy? Did he know Colin Robinson? Who gives themselves adjectives as part of their name? That was something typically reserved for dead historical figures, and not given upon by oneself.

After a brief pause, Guillermo unfreezes and presses a wet paper towel firmly to his palm until his bleeding ceases. He wraps up his hand with supplies from the first aid in the back. Five minutes later, he glances at the figure of the man through the front window.

It would be much the wiser for Guillermo to stay inside the establishment, rather than follow the peculiar man into the dark city streets alone. The way the man commanded his presence in isolation would raise many red flags to any level headed person. However, Guillermo has spent his life picking the safe choice, and this is where it has gotten him. 3am, working a minimum wage job, and thirsty for a man with a dedication to larping. Besides, it’s not everyday someone interests Guillermo, and much less often this interest appears reciprocated. Alas, before he could put much more thought into the situation, he finds himself moving towards the door, forever crossing an irreversible threshold into the unknown. 

“No more blood?” Nandor asks expectedly.

Guillermo raises his hand, flashing the bandaged-wrapped flesh.

The two are now pressed shoulder to shoulder against the store window, turning to make eye contact with the other. Nandor kneels slightly to help compensate for the blaring height difference between the two, making them closer to eye level.

“You should be careful who you bleed around. It is very dangerous to bleed out and open like that.”

“Why? A vampire might get me?” Guillermo chuckles.

Instead of laughing along with the pretty obvious attempt at humor, Nandor deadpans, “Yes.”

“You believe in vampires?” His tone is in bewilderment rather than being condescending, genuine curiosity fulfilled in tone. This man is committed to the roleplay bit, or seems to know something beyond Guillermo’s knowledge. The conviction in the man’s voice makes Guillermo believe him, against his better logical judgment.

“Oh, sweet Guillermo... So naive and stupid,” that was condescending. ”Take my hand.”

Furrowing his brows, Guillermo finds himself meeting Nandor’s extended hand before any cognizant thought can tell him otherwise.

“Hold on, don’t let go.”

Suddenly, Guillermo finds himself engulfed in the larger man’s chest. His chest is firm, and the fur fights the chill of the cold autumn air. Then, he begins to feel his body pulled up by a smooth force. Before he knows it, he is floating above the building, giving them a clear view of the surrounding city. The city lights glimmer. This is the area in which Guillermo grew up, spending twenty-two years exploring and learning. He was now viewing these familiar streets from an undiscovered perspective, sending his head spinning. His brain was lagging to process that this stranger was behind this, and possessed some ability to levitate. This wasn’t some weird fever dream, and Guillermo was pressed to this stranger floating fifty feet in the dark sky. 

“Oh my god-” As the expression leaves Guillermo’s mouth, suddenly Nandor flinches, nearly dropping the both of them.

“Fucking hell!” Nandor exclaims, “I know you are new to the world of vampires, but fuck. Somewhere in that interview of yours it should tell you not to say the ‘G’ word.”

Guillermo does his best to rotate his head enough to face Nandor. “That means.. Y-You are…?”

“You can say vampire, this isn’t Twilight or some shit.” 

“I am not dreaming..?”

“I can drop you to show you you aren’t dreaming.”

“Um, that’s okay. Why did you come back here just to tell me this?”

Guillermo could feel his heart beating out of his chest. It was disarming when in return, he felt nothing from Nandor’s, pushed flush against his back. He’d hoped the vampire could not hear the rapid pace.

“You mentioned you want to be a vampire… come work as my familiar, and I will make you one.”

“Really?”

“No Guillermo, I am joking with you. Of course I’m being serious, I would never joke about that sort of thing!”

“What would being your familiar mean..?”

“Pshh.. You know.. Not too different from the stuff you do at Panera of Breads,” Nandor shrugs, “Finding me victims, disposing of bodies, cleaning the house of any human remains. Lots of picking up and burying human remains. Real shit work.”

Guillermo’s beaming expression shifts into disgust and anguish. Nandor senses he made a mistake, and tries to correct his error. “However, all of that would prepare you for when the time comes for you to become a vampire yourself! Being a vampire is not always pretty, lots of killing and butchering. You would get great experience, housing, and a once in a lifetime opportunity out of it.”

Guillermo wasn’t truly considering this, was he? This was absurd.

As he glances down at the small Panera Bread building, a feeling of insignificance and meaninglessness creeps up his stomach. He knew he was not living his best life working at Panera Bread and living at home. This new door that Nandor was holding open only demonstrated that. If he turns him away and closes the door, he would only live to think about what if.

“Let me get you down before you make such a decision. I do not want the fact I hold your tiny little life in my hands currently to influence your choice.” Guillermo was not thinking that before, but he frowns as the two find their way back to the street.

“Soo,” Nandor looks at the human with wide eyes, pointing his fingers together once they separate from each other.

“Is Colin Robinson one of your roommates?”

This takes Nandor back, “Fucking guy, he didn’t come visit you did he?’

“Yeah he did.”

“You do not worry about him. He is an energy vampire, a special kind of vampire who feasts on people’s energy rather than blood. Ignore him, that’s what the rest of us do, and you’ll be fine. You serve me, not him.”

It is reassuring that the dread Guillermo had felt from such interaction was intentional. He did not like feeling such great annoyance at people.

“I’ll do it.”

“Wait realllyyy..?” Nandor asks in astonishment, “I mean. I knew you would. You would be stupid not to.”

“When do I start?”

“Now.”

Guillermo raises his eyebrows, “I need to put in my two weeks!”

Nandor fails to react, keeping his face at a still.

“Fuck it. No two weeks, that’s fine.” Guillermo smiles, “I’m excited to tell Brian off anyway.”

“That’s the spirit! Fuck Brian!” Nandor grins, “Let me show you to the house.”

And so then, the two make their way to the house next to Ashley street in the pale streetlight, where unbeknownst to them, their future found family awaits.