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Assumptions Maketh the Fool

Summary:

Vox thought he knew everything he needed to safely oppose Lucifer Mornigstar. Vox thought he had everything under control, and would eek out a safe and easy win. He felt safe in his knowledge and assumptions. Safe that nothing could go wrong.

But Vox had made a grave miscalculation.

Or:

If things went differently after Vox Populi.

Notes:

Hello

I wrote this at 2 am after being incredibly disappointed and frustrated by how episode 5 actually played out. It's probably a combination of many things that had me so frassled, and my mild crashout over the writing of the show was definitely influenced by the fact that I'm on new ADHD meds and my autism was having a bad fucking time💀 I do adore (and have honestly theorised almost since the begining about) the idea of Lucifer not being able to hurt/control sinners, I just absolutely hate how it was executed/revealed in story. Buuuut that's also a ME-problem, although the rest of you will definitely be reaping the benefits through my frustrating-driven fanfic writing🤣

Hope you all enjoy this lil snippet. It's not my usual style, length or tone, but oh well. The end notes will elaborate on the mild worldbuilding brought up later as well.

Please leave your thoughts and opinions on both the episode and my re-write in the comments! I always love to hear what you think🥰

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Vox stood with his arms outstretched, offering Lucifer a smug, mocking grin. The short monarch regarded the sinner for several seconds, letting the silence hang heavy in the air. The crowd didn’t know what to make of the whole thing, almost afraid to breathe as the tension between the two grew greater and greater.

 

Valentino and Velvette glanced towards one another, something uncomfortable settling in their guts. It wasn’t a feeling one could put into words, not really. A creeping, eerie dread — the feeling of being hunted by an invisible predator, of being a small child once more attempting to hide from monsters in the shadows. Big, dark and unknown, lurking just out of sight.

 

And then, just like that, the tension snapped.

 

Lucifer threw his head back with a roar of laughter, echoing across the silent plaza in an eerie way, taking on a haunting polyphonic tone. Vox jumped where he stood, eyes going wide as he registered the reaction. It was not…. what he had anticipated. He’d been expecting anger, frustration, resignation — hell, even embarrassment! And wouldn’t that be a sight? Being able to embarrass the Sin of Pride — even if he had turned out to be a bit more pathetic than originally anticipated.

 

But this laughter? This unhinged, almost borderline manic laughter? 

 

It put him on edge, making his skin crawl in the worst of ways.

 

“Oh, wow, hah!” Lucifer chuckled, clearing his throat as he wiped an imaginary tear from his eye. “I gotta say, I haven’t encountered a sinner with your level of guts in a while-!” Red eyes raked up and down Vox’s form, causing a prickling sensation to run up his entire body. “Or perhaps I should say stupidity?”

 

The Overlord’s screen glitched violently, followed by a rather undignified sputter. 

 

“HAH! I don’t think you’re in any position to be throwing insults, your majesty,” he drawled, putting extra vitriol into the title as he spoke. “Surrounded by sinners, yet you can’t do shit to stop us! All you can do is watch from afar, unable to intervene. What a sad sad existence…”

 

Lucifer’s eyes continued to bore into his soul, searing and eerie in a way they had no right to be. What the fuck happened to the pathetic little monarch he had been mocking just moments before? This calm, quiet angel before him couldn’t be the same being, could he? He set off all kinds of warning bells that Vox thought he had long since outgrew the need for. He knew the king wouldn’t — couldn’t — hurt him!

 

So why was he still so scared nervous?

 

Breaking the stifling silence once more — a silence that nobody else truly dared to break — Lucifer chuckled in amusement before turning his back on the Overlord.

 

A foolish decision, some would say. Vox wasn’t entirely sure, for he felt like he had just made a major miscalculation.

 

“Hm, you lot certainly never change,” the king sighed, sounding almost wistful as he walked towards the back of the stage. His shoes clicked sharply against the stage, followed closely by his cane, in a rhythmic pattern. Neither Velvette or Valentino reached out to stop him. Out of fear nervousness or curiosity? They couldn’t even tell themselves. “I’ve been around for a long, long time. That little pesky restriction has been there just as long.”

 

The king waved his hand in the air. A second later, the skies above them were filling with thick, black clouds. They were not the green-tinted ones that hailed of acid rain, nor the loud, crackling ones that told of thunder and lightning storms. No, these were heavy, acrid things, filling the air with the smell of sulfur and ozone. 

 

“You think that in all that time, I have not found any loopholes?” The question was posed in an almost mocking manner, reeking of sarcasm and contempt. Vox wanted to snap back with some smart reply, but the words died in his mouth. Those red eyes were staring back at him, along with a smile filled with far too many teeth. “Tell me, little sinner, do you truly think you can outwit the father of lies?”

 

Valentino went to speak, but quickly thought better of it when Velvette stomped on his foot. Hard. Only a weak, chocked-off squeak made it past his lips. 

 

Vox wasn’t as lucky.

 

“Hah! I already have!” He laughed, filling his voice with as much bravado as he could muster. He couldn’t understand the fear that was suddenly gripping his heart, making his knees shake ever so slightly, but he would not let himself be beaten. Angel’s message had been quite clear. The king cannot harm them. This was just another trick — a last resort to make him back down. It wasn’t real fear he was feeling, just some simple emotional manipulation. Yes, yes, that was it. Nothing else. He just needed to pull through this last bit of the bluff, and they’d be all set, hopefully sending the angel back with his stupid tail between his legs. “You cannot trick us now! We saw it just moments ago! The illustrious King of Hell, without any power over his subjects. All bark, and no bite, because Heaven has him muzzled!

 

The silence that followed was almost deafening. That joke would have killed it on a normal day, but whatever the king had done, it had the crowd absolutely dead silent. Not as much as a choked snort could be heard from the audience, only uncomfortable shuffles.

 

 “Oh, it’s almost precious,” Lucifer chuckled, a sound that carried an uncomfortable, manic undertone. He still had his back to Vox, showcasing those three pairs of majestic wings, as he lifted up his staff. “how you believe that was my only option.” A whistling wind blew over the stage, chilling and cold in a way that shouldn’t have been possible in Pride. Lucifer flashed Vox another deeply disturbing smile. “That was merely the easy way. The one with less bloodshed. But you seem to have chosen the hard way, and who am I to disappoint?”

 

Before the Overlord could get another word out, three sharp, metallic knocks echoed through the air. An unassuming sound. Common. Ordinary. Absolutely harmless. 

 

Except thick, black smoke was quickly escaping from the spot where Lucifer’s cane had made contact with the stage — crawling up the length of his arm and enveloping his body with slender, see-through tendrils.

 

“Oh my, what a gathering we’ve got here. And all for little old me?” A sultry female voice cut through the air, echoing in the minds of everyone present. “It’s been far too long since you last called, my dear Luci. Whatever fun could you have found for me today?”

 

The sinking feeling in Vox’s gut was quickly becoming worse, yet he couldn’t seem to move from his spot; feet completely rooted in place.

 

“Hello Roo,” the king replied, undeniable amusement lacing his every word as Vox’s worry turned into ice cold fear. “I have found myself in quite an interesting situation. Some sinners who seem to find themselves a little too big for their own good. Spreading some truly ridiculous lies, and making life difficult for Charlie. They even made her cry!”

 

Lucifer’s tone was almost bordering on overly theatrical, making mockingly distraught expressions as he spoke to the disembodied voice. Or perhaps not? If Vox looked closer, he could see the strange black mist coalescing into the vague shape of a woman, smiling back at him with razor sharp teeth.

 

“Oh no, the poor little dear. We can’t have that, now can we?” she gasped, even as her tone was practically overflowing with a twisted type of glee. “It’ll be my pleasure to… clean up a bit for you.”

 

“Do so however you wish, I give you full reigns.” Lucifer waved his hand, which was followed by a soft, almost inaudible click — like chains being unlatched. A monster let off its leash. “A reminder of who’s really in charge has been long overdue.”

 

A sick, maniacal cackle echoed over the plaza, and the Vee’s could only watch in horror as with the light from Lucifer’s outstretched hand, a female figure took shape. Dressed in a flowing red coat, paired with torn checker-patterned clothes, her body seemed to shift between solid and translucent. Long, black hair flowed around her like flames licking at a tree, tempered only by a large black hat. Cold white eyes set in blood red scleras stared back at the sinners, practically glowing against her pale grey complexion.

 

“It’s been so long since I was last let out to play,” she hummed, a twisted, staticky sound — like a radio attempting to find the right frequency. 

 

Velvette tried taking a hesitant step back, finally gathering enough of her wits to see the danger of the situation. But as she made to move, she suddenly felt a horrible, cold sensation traveling up her legs. Looking down, she saw sharp, twisting tendrils of darkness crawling up her calf; digging through her skin and rooting her in place.

 

Vox and Valentino were in much similar situation, with the latter vehemently attempting to escape as he alternated between shouting pleas for mercy and aiming swear words at Vox.

 

And Vox, the mastermind behind this entire scheme, could only watch in mute silence as his horrible fate slowly approached them — the very air seeming to bend and twist with fire around her body.

 

The next few seconds that followed were a gruesome affair to witness, even for the citizens of Hell. It was not a scene for the weak minded, nor were the echoing screams of pain and mercy. 

 

But mercy was not a thing in Hell.

 

I at least gave them a chance, Lucifer thought, as he watched the blood splatter across the stage in a fascinating display of gore and violence. That’s as close to mercy as one could get in Hell.

 

The crowd finally snapped out of their stupor, or perhaps some simply realized that they might be next, given how they had treated the hotel and princess. A wise choice, really. Too bad it wouldn’t do them much good. Blind panic eventually set in when the first sinner was snatched out of the crowd and quickly ripped in two, splattering an impressive amount of blood through the air. As the stampede began to take shape, Roo could happily grab whoever she saw fit from the bumbling crowd. They would get nowhere while she was still playing, stuck behind invisible walls until she had her fill.

 

The flatscreen that had once served as Vox’s head lay on the ground by the king’s feet, cracked in two and with the wiring hanging on by a thread. Large, hypnotic eyes were no longer staring back via red-blue LEDs, only glitching on and off precariously.

 

Lucifer chuckled to himself, allowing the screams of terror around him to fade into the background. He poked at the screen with the tip of his shoe, barely holding back the smirk that tugged relentlessly at his lips; silently revelling in the victory before him, even if he knew it’d earn him an earful from Charlie later. But taking out this trash was long overdue, especially if they were to get anywhere with Heaven anytime soon.

 

“Assumptions maketh the Fool,” he hummed in amusement, even if the overlord could no longer hear him, “and a big seat does not maketh a king”

Notes:

Elaborations elaborations elaborations...

This is technically pulled from another AU of mine that's still in the "maybe I'll write it" stages. The short of it is that Lucifer cannot hurt sinners himself, but has found a few loopholes over the millenia. One of those is his relationship with Roo. In this version, she doesn't have a permanent physical body, since she is more of a concept that a true person, and wasn't technically created by accident. She and Lucifer don't necessarily love each other, but they have a functional working relationship built on begrudging and hard-earned mutual respect.

Lucifer can't harm sinners, and Roo doesn't have a physical body. Lucifer is a being of creation, and Roo has no problem dishing out violence. Their running deal is quite simple; Lucifer will use his powers to make Roo a physical body, and in exchange she will help him out with whatever problem he is facing. The physical bodies he makes her don't last forever -- perhaps a few decades at a time, depending on how chaotic Roo choses to be -- but Roo also finds that part of the fun. She thrives off unpredictability and chaos. Over the years, she's become something of an odd friend to Lucifer. They don't necissarily agree on everything, but she offers a unique perspective. For all that he does, he also cannot deny that he too is a very chaotic being.

And so is Charlie.

A delightful little beam of sunshine that always manages to cause upheavals, changes and disorder wherever she goes. Roo is quite fond of the way her psuedo-niece puts Heaven on the back foot and rattles their worldview. A source of chaos she hopes can grow with time, and one she feels quite protective over.

And because Roo is tentatively under Lucifer's control, Heaven can't really do much about her forays into the physical world. Really, as long as she doesn't escape down to Earth, they'd rather leave that can of worms untouched. She's liable to run around tormenting the souls of Pentagram city in new and creative ways, and perhaps annoy Lucifer back at the palace, but not much else.

Anywho! That's about that for this lil AU! Hope you enjoyed it, and please share your thoughts and opinions down below!

Let's all pray we'll survive the finale of season 2 as well.

Until next time, you guys can find me here:
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Thank you so so so much for all the support, and I will hopefully see you again in the next chapter
Lots of Love,
Natt💕