Archive of Our Own

Wooyoung stands outside Hongjoong's office with a plastic bag hooked over his wrist for way too long. The two iced coffees in the bag knock softly together every time his hand twitches— and it just keeps twitching. He can't bring himself to knock on the door as easily as he usually does.

It's all because it's past lunchtime, so way past the hour when a best friend should have said something, and his phone has been silent all day.
Well, almost. Seonghwa called him right before his first class of the day, voice still heavy with sleep around words that barely made sense. But nothing from Hongjoong, yet.

Were it to be a random day on the calendar, sure, nothing to worry about— who cares if they don't communicate for more than twenty-four hours.
Except, today isn't just a random day of November— it's his birthday.

His. Birthday.
Wooyoung turns twenty-five today and, the very same day, Hongjoong decides to disappear from planet Earth. He hasn't texted, sent a dumb meme or a half asleep emoji.
Nothing.

He's been awake for seven hours now, and he has spent six of those telling himself it's actually fine. It's really nothing to worry about. Hongjoong's probably drowning under lesson plans, or exams to grad, or whatever other impossible responsibilities he collects like stray cats as he works under a professor who doesn't want to be a professor. Losing track of time is basically a personality trait of his at this point.

So, yeah, it's highly likely he must have just forgotten to text, and call, and overall acknowledge Wooyoung's special day.
He could have forgotten the day itself, that's also an option. But Wooyoung doesn't even want to let his brain go there.

Birthdays matter so much to him, they always have. I has always been the only day he didn't have to earn the attention, didn't have to be his extra loud or extra charming self just to feel seen. His interpretation of his special day changed as he grew up, he's still an attention whore but only for those who deserve it— only for those who love him even when he's wrapped in his bubble of silence to recharge. Seonghwa and Hongjoong are those people, he has a few more in his life that make his days easier to go through but Seonghwa and Hongjoong as his people— they matter more than anyone else in and out of campus. They're his best friends, have been for barely three years but it feels like they never really met— more like they've always been together.

Except, Hongjoong and Seonghwa now are together together. They have been for three months and the stupid little voice in the back of Wooyoung's head keeps whispering things he doesn't want to hear: stuff about how they might don't need him in the same way anymore since they're a couple, and how this is just the first sign he could end up drifting behind them. They have each other, why would they need—

He hates that voice, he doesn't believe a word it says but he can still hear it, and it's taunting.

Hongjoong is just busy.
He has to be. For the sake of Wooyoung's mental health.

Wooyoung lifts the coffees close to his face just to double-check the labels, even though he knows damn well which is which. He's just buying time— he went out of his way to go to the only coffee shop close to campus that makes Hongjoong's favorite order, the one he craves when he's stressed. Wooyoung suspects he's stressed, that's why he got him an Americano with an unhealthy amount of hazelnut syrup.
He's stressed and he hasn't had his coffee yet, that's why he hasn't texted Wooyoung yet.

During the walk to and from the coffee shop he has come up with plan, a good one actually.

He'll walk in, hand over the coffee, take a seat on the spare chair on the other side of his desk and start talking about quite literally anything that isn't related to his birthday. He won't mention the day at first, he'll just wait for Hongjoong to look up from his desk, actually look at him, and remember how royally he has fucked up.

It's even better if he doesn't even reach the desk— if Hongjoong stands up on his own the moment he enters the room, guilt all over his face as he pulls Wooyoung into one of those tight, warm hugs that smell like books and ink. Even better if he says something like I was about to call you and maybe even laughs a little embarrassed, ruffles his hair and kisses his cheek.

That would make everything feel right again. He would be ready for the next step that sees him casually ask something about Hongjoong's presence at his birthday party the following night. He's thinking of mentioning how Seonghwa has no idea if his schedule is free. Easygoing. Almost uncaring of the fact Hongjoong still hasn't replied to his text about party-attendance— a person won't change the fact he'll open a pack of thirty paper plates, but still. And Hongjoong will feel offended, because how dares Wooyoung imply he hasn't cleared his schedule for him. Of course he has, like every other birthday of his.

That's the version of reality Wooyoung keeps replaying in his head, the one that doesn't hurt. But what awaits for him on the other side of the door might not match his expectations— he's really nervous. Because if Hongjoong looks confused instead of guilty, if he really did forget his birthday, Wooyoung isn't sure he would know how to handle that kind of heartbreak. And, honestly speaking, he doesn't want to be heartbroken today of all days.

Hongjoong could have definitely chosen a minor festivity to be busy.

Wooyoung exhales, slow and shaky. He shifts the bag on his wrist and relaxes his shoulders. If he looks carefree, his mind might also adapt to the lie to survive.

Just do it, you coward.

He grimaces at himself before lifting his hand and knocking on the office door.
Weakest three knocks of his life.

Wooyoung sits on the hard plastic chair across from Hongjoong, arms crossed so tight against his chest that his shoulders are starting to ache— they're not relaxed, to say the least.
He's been sitting on that chair for maybe ten minutes, maybe an hour, who knows. The only thing he's sure about is that somehow every second spent in here makes him angrier. Not loud angry, because that would make it too easy for his idiot best friend sitting in front of him. He's the quiet, offended kind of angry that spreads like cold water down his spine.

Warm hug my ass.

When he walked in, expecting nothing but affection, he was greeted with a quick glance and "Oh, hey, it's you" before Hongjoong went back grading midterm essays like his life depended on it— which probably it does, but still.

Wooyoung wouldn't have been surprised if it were that fucking random day of the calendar— affection hidden behind either apathy or snark remarks is their thing, nothing special. But that's the problem, today is special. Today is supposed to be just plain affection.

Instead, he has been sitting on the very uncomfortable chair listening to Hongjoong complain about everything, more or less. First "this idiot tried to use a Wikipedia paragraph as an essay conclusion", then the department chair stealing his presentations to teach classes, then his lack of sleep— apparently he hasn't slept more than four consecutive hours since September.

Any other day, Wooyoung would tease him in every way known to human. Correct his corrections with a purple pen just to see him spiral. Read out loud students' e-mails he has purposefully ignored. Drink his coffee and then complain about it right away.

Today, Wooyoung is plotting crimes— minor, petty crimes just to subtly mess with him. He knows Hongjoong hates them more than the upfront annoying crimes Wooyoung commits when he's bored. He's thinking of switching their orders and leave him with a three-shots Americano, no syrup, no sugar, no milk. Or he could leave and take his favorite scarf with him, hide it and look at him go crazy about it until he realizes who's behind it. Or he could replace the stapler with a fake one that cuts holes in the paper — butterfly shaped holes.

Hongjoong doesn't notice Wooyoung's brain fuming, working over time to plot against him. He just keeps talking, almost using the silence to let out as much as he can before Wooyoung decides to become talkative again.
He just turns the page of another essay, sighs dramatically, then says "I've had this weird moment with Seonghwa last night."

And Wooyoung's stomach just drops. Right to his feet.
Of course that's where the conversations goes today, after the hours he has spent wondering about his position in their friend group— Wooyoung shakes his head imperceptibly, trying to stay focused on Hongjoong's words instead of his own thoughts.

"It's nothing serious," Hongjoong continues, hitting his cheek with the back of a red pen. "He just gets… frustrated? I think. We talk a lot, we're always connected somehow, but I think he wants more. We've been so busy lately, we barely saw each other this past week, but he's always putting in more effort than I am and it's so blatantly obvious that I feel stupid. Like actually stupid."

His words burn a hole in Wooyoung's heart that hurts more than he ever expected. And Hongjoong just doesn't stop.

"I tried. I ordered his favorite breakfast the other day, replied to his text while he was out doing I don't know what— I'm always ready to answer his calls. I'm trying but it's not enough." Hongjoong shakes his head as he leans against the backrest of the chair. "He's just so much better at us than I am."

Hongjoong is so mindful of Seonghwa, talks to him, makes time for him, thinks about how to fix things with him.
And Wooyoung didn't even get as much as a happy birthday.

He swallows it down even if it burns, because he's a supportive friend, even when all he wants to do it to scream in his face. Seonghwa is his boyfriend, Wooyoung is his best friend? One of his closest friends? His mind is back at playing tricks on him while he tries to make sense of the situation he's in.

"What happened?" Wooyoung asks, voice neutral and calibrated even though his chest feels like exploding and his mouth tastes like iron.

Hongjoong just shrugs. "We just, you know, talked for a long while and towards the end of our conversation he got emotional. I felt like shit." He laughs bitterly, going through his hair with both hands. "I told him I'd make more time for us. I mean, I should have before he broke down, but I am totally going to do it now with that moment in mind."

"Have you planned something already?" Wooyoung asks under his breath, not really curious but aware he has been the consultant on their relationship for the past three months. He's not new to it, and he can't back down now.

"I did, actually. I can't completely focus on him tonight 'cause I've got a meeting with theater kids. But I'm going to focus on him tomorrow night for sure— somehow my schedule was free Friday to Sunday. For some reason I cleared it and forgot about it. Lucky me, I guess."

somehow.
For some reason.

Wooyoung bites the inside of his cheek as blood rushes to his head. The taste of metal only getting stronger on his tongue. But he nods like those words don't stab him right between the ribs.
"That's good." Wooyoung tries to let a smile grow on his face, even a faint one, just so he doesn't sound too bitter. He's not successful. "You should totally do it. He'd like to have you for himself tomorrow night." He slows down on the last couple of words, making them sound like a warning— it's totally one.

Hongjoong just doesn't get it.

"I owe him, you know. I've been so all over the place lately. I swear, without him and a notepad I forget everything." Hongjoong exhales dramatically, holding up a piece of paper with his schedule of the day. There's a remember to eat written in bold letters, but not a remember Wooyoung in sight.

Wooyoung freezes as soon as he processes Hongjoong's words.
Everything? He repeats in his mind. He feels something in his chest pull tight, and there's a sudden twist in his belly that steals his breath. He tries to swallow that too, he really does. But Hongjoong just keeps talking, and talking and talking— and it's all about Seonghwa. Making time for him, scheduling his life around his special moments and forgetting stupid things they later laugh about but that strain their relationship for a moment.

Seonghwa's special moments.
Forgetting stupid things.
Wooyoung just cracks.

"How long have you been planning to spoil him tomorrow night? Is that why you never replied to my very rhetorical invite?" He asks, his voice too sharp to sound composed. He doesn't mean to bring it up like that, he doesn't mean to say it all. But it's out anyway now, sitting between them like an exposed nerve.

Hongjoong stops talking, his eyes move from the ceiling to Wooyoung and they slightly narrow.
"Your invite?" He asks, confused. Wooyoung can almost see the gears in his brain working faster than ever to find the information in his mess of a brain.

Wooyoung feels the air leave his lungs when Hongjoong doesn't reply immediately. His worst case scenario, his worst nightmare, quite literally, just came to life in front of his eyes and he doesn't know how to handle it. He never prepared for it— it was never supposed to happen.

When Wooyoung's face drops, when his lips part in disappointment and his eyes glaze with a layers of tears he's not willing to let wet his cheeks— only then Hongjoong realizes how badly he fucked up. It all hits him at once, Wooyoung sees the moment it happens: his eyes widen, his mouth opens, and not just slightly, his jaw hits the floor. Something in his expression collapses just like Wooyoung's world collapsed seconds before. Hongjoong's features recover, sort of— they rebuild themselves into horror.

"Oh my God." Hongjoong breathes out slowly, his hands bracing the armrests of the chair, knuckles turning white. "Wooyoung— your birthday— I—" He pants, lips opening and closing like a fish out of water. "Shit, I didn't mean— I just— I was going— Shit. Fuck. I'm so, so sorry, love."

Hongjoong just starts talking in circles, apologizing and stumbling over his own thoughts as all the dots connect violently in his head.
He talks, but Wooyoung barely hears him. The younger just sits there, staring at the desk, the coffee, the exams— he tries to focus on anything to make sure his eyes don't start letting out tears, even if crying seems the perfect outlet to unleash his feelings right now. At the very least, much better than screaming to Hongjoong's face how much of a jerk he is.

He tries to reply with something other than "it's fine" but words can barely escape his mouth when Hongjoong circles the desk and rushes to hug him. The position's uncomfortable, crooked, just wrong— but Wooyoung accepts it, like he accepts the countless "I'm sorry", "I didn't mean to" and "happy birthday love" that get whispered in his ear.

He's weak for Hongjoong's affection. Even if something inside him feels hollow and hot, an awful mix of anger, embarrassment and heartbreak, he can't take it out on Hongjoong.
He's hurt. There's no easy turning back from this, he knows it. Yet, Hongjoong kisses his hair and all Wooyoung wants to do is to pretend it never happened.

He keeps his face carefully blank as he takes in Hongjoong's apologies. He waits to step outside the building to crack, and once he starts, he doesn't stop. He cries silently, sitting outside the building, processing how the universe Hongjoong loves so much has just proved to him how little he matters for his best friend. It feels like a wicked prank, because there's just no way this is happening for real.

Wooyoung lets a shaky laugh escape his lips as he covers his face with both his hands.
"Well, happy birthday to me, I guess."
He mutters before starting to cry harder.

Wooyoung manages to stop crying at some point, probably only because he has run out of tears. But, the second Seonghwa opens his apartment door and asks "What's with your puffy eyes, birthday boy?" he feels the burn start again behind his lashes.

He survives the instinct and laughs instead. A forced laugh that sounds terrible to Wooyoung himself.
"Oh, these?" He says, waving a hand at his face as he steps inside. It's not his place, his dorm room is much less comfortable than Seonghwa's apartment, but he's been there enough times to feel safe just like in his own bed. Probably just because Seonghwa lives there. He makes every space feel… safer.
"Allergies. Dust. Emotional turbulence. Mercury retrograde. Pick one."

Of course Seonghwa doesn't buy his little performance, he never does but Wooyoung tries every time just because he doesn't want to look that desperate for support— even if he is. So he isn't really surprised when his older friend sighs softly and gestures towards the couch.

"Sit."

Wooyoung doesn't need to be told twice, he flops down dramatically almost like the couch personally offended him. Seonghwa joins him a moment later, he crosses his legs as he watches his best friend with that therapist-in-training stare that comes so natural to him— he's not studying psychology, he's about to major in business.

"So, do you feel like telling me why you look like you wrestled with your own feelings and brutally lost? Or should we talk how long it took to me to find actually black balloons for your party?"

Wooyoung snorts. "You're not letting me choose, are you?"

"We're talking about both." Seonghwa nods. "Just decide which one first."

Wooyoung sighs, his eyes darting to the coffee table stacked with papers. "I never win against my feelings."

"Wooyoung.." Seonghwa calls him gently, but he's firm and he manages to break the thin layer of humor Wooyoung is used to hide behind. A moment later he's suddenly talking, reporting what happened in Hongjoong's office briefly but efficiently. He skips most of the talk they had, all he says is what his prediction was and how he has no future in the clairvoyant world.

"He's an idiot— I'm so sorry, Woo." Seonghwa sighs, reaching out with a hand to caress his knee over the fabric of his jeans. A gentle, warm touch that has him smile for a fraction of a second.

"I don't want to badmouth him, hyung. I just want to tell you how my day went." Wooyoung explains, breathing slowly to calm himself down before tears start spilling again.

"Tell me, then. What did you do after talking to Joong?" Seonghwa's soft spoken, almost like he's worried any louder sound would bother Wooyoung. And he's probably right, his heartbeat is already loud in his ears, and he hates it.

"Okay, so, after I left hyung's office I sat outside for a bit. To cry." The words come slow at first, like he's choosing each one while walking on emotional eggshells.

"For a bit?"

"Like, half an hour?" Wooyoung snorts, biting the inside of his cheeks.

Seonghwa's voice softens even more, if possible. "Sweetheart…" He calls him, reaching out to squeeze his knee again. This time his hand doesn't leave, it rests there like Seonghwa knows he might need more of those soothing touches soon— and he might be onto something.

Wooyoung groans and throws his head to the side, against the couch cushion. "Don't say it like that, you're gonna make me start again. I've cried enough today— like a lot— the ugly crying. When you can't breath properly and the weird hiccup thing starts—"

"So you were sobbing." Seonghwa sighs, leaning close to gently hold Wooyoung's other knee. "I'm so sorry you went through that, Woo."

"No— totally, me too." Wooyoung bites his lower lip, faking a huge smile, trying not to cry. Now that he's thinking about those moments, it's almost like he's living through them again. And it hurts. So. Much.
He wipes a hand down his face. "That's why I tried to make my day better after I calmed down. I went to that bakery you like ’cause I thought maybe a pastry would fix everything. It doesn’t. Just makes you feel like shit but with sugar. Then I took a walk. Didn’t help. Tried to listen to music— ended up listening to sad songs like an idiot."

"So you didn't manage to make your day better?" Seonghwa asks, squeezing his knees carefully.

"Not until now— I just really needed to see you, hyung." Wooyoung sniffs, his eyes burn and his mouth is dry. He doesn't feel like he can talk much more without breaking down, but he still has a lot to say.

"Hyung I just— I kept thinking, why does it matter so much?" Wooyoung continues. "It's just a tiny thing, right? People forget birthdays all the time— I don't, but people do. And normal birthday people just shrug and move on." He gestures wildly. "And yet, here I am: acting like Hongjoong not only stabbed me in the back, but also sold me to witch hunters so they could set me on fire."

"Wooyoung—"

"No, but seriously." His words start tumbling out faster, overlapping each other at times.
"Maybe I'm too sensitive, just overly dramatic, or maybe I'm expecting too much— or, I don't know— am I overly attached? The point is, I care too much. So much it ruins everything." Wooyoung is on the brink of confessing more under the spell of wet cheeks and soothing hands on his knees. But he swallows hard instead, not sure it's the right moment to bring out the I feel like I'm becoming the background of your lives. Instead, he sticks to a bit of self deprecation.
"I swear, I know it's pathetic to sound so needy of attention but I can't bring myself to want anything else more than that! I—"
Wooyoung barrels forward, voice cracking around frustration and exhaustion and a dozen little jabs at his heart.
"I— maybe I just love you two more than a normal amount and that's why I care so much."
He admits, the words hitting him back in the face the moment they're out. Wooyoung hears them almost like some other entity in the room spoke for him and he recognizes them as true, he realizes that's what probably is making his life so difficult.
"It's just a birthday, who cares this much?"

"You do." Seonghwa says, eyes soft and gentle smile. His expression flickers for a second as he probably tries to find the right words to reply, Wooyoung notices and forgets about it in the same moment— he's still too deep in his emotional mud.
"You care, and that's enough for people close to you to have a reason to care just as much."

Wooyoung's lips twist in a tired smile even though tears don't stop rolling down his cheeks. He's not sobbing, it's closer to a silent cry— he needs to let everything out, and that's what works best for him: crying.

"Anyway," he continues, waving a hand like he hasn't just opened his heart to his best friend, "that's probably why I'm this messed up over a stupid text— well, more like lack there of. Whatever." He shakes his head, dries his cheeks with the back of his hands, even if it's not of much use. "I just wanted for you both to remember, not just you— I loved the call, don't get me wrong. But I wanted to feel like I mattered to you both, today more than any other day. And I didn't, to him."

Wooyoung's voice breaks for a moment when he admits "I hate how much it hurts", giving Seonghwa the green light to crowd his personal space completely and hug him. He cups the back of Wooyoung’s neck gently, thumb brushing the hairline. He's grounding, soothing, familiar.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that, sweetheart." He says softly, barely above a whisper, close to Wooyoung's ear. "He cares about you, so much, Wooyoung. And I'm not defending him, I just want you to know it so you can calm down a little bit. It doesn't do any good to cry this much in a single day."

"My head hurts." Wooyoung whispers back.

"I know." Seonghwa's strokes his hair gently. "You have the right to be hurt, to cry it out, to lash out at him— every single feelings of yours is so valid and needs to get addressed."

Wooyoung blinks, his eyes sting and his throat tightens a little. He knows what's coming, and he doesn't like it.

"I mean it." Seonghwa continues. "Feel them. Acknowledge them. Don't hide behind a wall of bad jokes. If you’re hurt, then you’re hurt— that’s more than okay. But.. he needs to know. From you." He lets out a slow breath as he goes up and down Wooyoung's spine, soothingly.

Wooyoung nods slowly against Seonghwa's shoulder, even though his throat is thigh and the idea of looking Hongjoong in the eyes again feels suffocating. But he knows Seonghwa is right, he knew even before he decided to talk to him about it.

"I know I have to tell him." He swallows hard. "I didn't come here so you could talk to him for me. I mean— I'd love for you to be there when I do, but I know I have to do the talking."

Seonghwa pulls back a little so he can see his face, hand still cupping the back of Wooyoung's neck. His thumb brushes gently along skin, relaxing him.
"Then why did you come to me?" He asks, voice low but steady.

Wooyoung doesn't hesitate to blurt out "Because you're my emotional safety net— you're my person for when I'm too overwhelmed with emotions to deal with them."
He's pretty sure Seonghwa, deep down, already knows about it. It's a pattern he has followed diligently for the past three years. "I always end up with you when I have to face my feelings and can't joke it off— you know it. I lean on you a lot. And I can't just change that just because you're a couple now. I still need you."

"Why would you need to change that?" Seonghwa starts, gentle as ever. "I'm here for you like always— nothing changed, sweetheart."

Wooyoung's eyes get wet again, without his permission.
That's reassuring, to say the least.

His voice softens as he keeps going, a little embarrassed for some reason.
"I go to Joong when there's still room to laugh, you know. When we can find an easy fix and call it a day without obsessing over it."

He looks away, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms. "You guys are different, always have been, but both very important to me. I need you both— I can't— that can't change."

Seonghwa exhales slowly, going through Wooyoung's hair with the tip of his fingers. His other hand moves to squeeze Wooyoung's shoulder. "Nothing has to change. I'm here, honored you need me. And Hongjoong is going to be there for you too, like always— you just need to sort this thing out first."

Wooyoung nods, a little shakily, not brave enough to look Seonghwa in the eyes.

"I won't say much, but I can be there with you. Before the party." Seonghwa adds with a tiny smile, too gentle to be annoying, even though Wooyoung doesn't like what he says.

"Yeah, well, fine, I will!" He sighs dramatically, crossing his fingers behind his back, being not as subtle as he believes.

"I can see your arm moving, kid." Seonghwa raises an eyebrow.

"No you can't."

“Yes, I can.”

“Nope.”

“Wooyoung.”

“Hyung."

They stare at each other for a moment, then Wooyoung uncrosses his fingers and slumps forward against Seonghwa's chest. He can feel it vibrate as his friend chuckles. "You just have to be honest. Before the party, you ask him to talk and just blurt it out."

"What a way to start the night." Wooyoung grumbles, squeezing his eyes shut and pointing his forehead against Seonghwa's chest. "Happy birthday to me, I guess."

Seonghwa cups Wooyoung's cheeks without hesitation before pressing a soft kiss to his forehead— so natural and familiar that it almost makes him cry again. The way Seonghwa perfectly understands and reciprocate Wooyoung's need for physical affection makes his heart swell in ways he doesn't understand. He never pushes him away, never jokes through it, never makes him feel too needy for wanting to be held.

"Yes, happy birthday to you, sweetheart." He murmurs, but he doesn't linger on the sadness, he shifts the mood instead, pulling them both into a safer territory. "Your birthday is precisely why I've spend my day ignoring assignments and running around the city for more black decorations."

"I'm sorry—"
Wooyoung sniffles, but Seonghwa doesn't let him finish. He acts almost like he hasn't heard him at all.

"Come on, get up, we need to talk about your party. I've nearly died trying to find black balloons that weren't shaped like bats— but I also found so many other things you're totally going to love."

Wooyoung pouts, touched. "You love me so much, hyung."

"Tragically." Seonghwa nods. "Anyway, Yunho nearly had a crisis trying to inflate one because he said matte black latex tastes toxic."

"That totally sounds like his future-doctor ass. Is he okay?"

"I told we were going to take care of the black balloons and he magically pinked up. He's more than fine. But, speaking of crisis, the cake."

Wooyoung's eyes widen a little as he follows Seonghwa getting up from the couch.
"No one makes black cakes, I know." He says. He has checked countless shops around campus, never having enough time to adventure himself in other parts of the city.

"I asked around— Jongho. He knows someone who bakes Instagram cakes, and who is thrilled to try to turn your fantasy into reality."

"Are you being for real?" Wooyoung's lips linger open in shock when Seonghwa quickly nods, showing him pictures of other cakes.

"I just gave her your drawings. Black heart cake with strawberry jam heart. And another plain chocolate one to feed the guests." Seonghwa repeats with his eyes closed, like he has memorized Wooyoung's text. He has, those were his exact words, followed by it's going to be fucking gorgeous.

"I got the candles as well after making sure the cake was going to be black black. Silver numbers, a bunch of black and white boring ones and sparkles! It's going to look like you're turning six."

"That's perfect." Wooyoung chuckles, holding onto Seonghwa's phone as they keep going on like that, blending party details with soft reassurance everything is taken care of. He was worried the party was going to turn boring because of the deadlines breathing down his neck.

Seonghwa walks him through the future set-up he and Yunho came up with. Where the balloons are going to go, the game area in a corner of the living room, karaoke area in front of the TV, snack area, alcohol area—
"There's a hidden corner in the hallway, if anyone feels like making out."

Wooyoung laughs as he slaps Seonghwa's arm, it's not the kind of party he had in mind. But he's not going to stop anyone from mingling if it doesn't cross the public decency boundary.

"Yunho texted me five times today to thank me for choosing your apartment." Wooyoung states, recalling the weird texts he got after the first happy birthday one that made sense.

"He's excited because we never hosted a party even though the apartment is big enough for one." Seonghwa shrugs, fixing them a couple of glasses of water. "He's like a big puppy with his first toy— too excited to think about any real issue."

"Like the way people in their twenties tend to drink beyond what they can handle?" Wooyoung mutters, leaning on the kitchen counter as he watches Seonghwa refill the water bottle in the sink. "I'm worried they won't be able to go home after drinking so much."

"Don't worry, I have everything planned." Seonghwa says, proudly tapping his own temple as he stores the bottle back in the fridge. "Mingi doesn't drink, so he's taking Yunho to his place. That frees up Yunho's room for San and Yeosang— those two menaces will pass out before realizing they're sharing one bed, but I'm working on them. The couch is for Jongho since he refuses to drive at night."

“And me?” Wooyoung asks, trying very hard not to hope too loudly. There's only one place he wants to spend the night in, but he doesn't think he still has the right to ask.

"You," Seonghwa says, handing him the glass, "are sleeping in my room. With me and Hongjoong. Or, if you're uncomfortable with it, we steal an inflatable mattress from Yunho's closet and make you a nest next to the bed or something."

Wooyoung feels his face heat up, the water isn't cold enough to bring down the temperature of his cheeks but he chugs it down anyway to try and steady himself.
"You have a kind sized bed. Do you really think I'm going to fit with the two of you?"

"Yes? You always have. You were just too drunk to remember." Seonghwa laughs softly, tapping Wooyoung's hand over the counter.

Wooyoung is about to reply when Seonghwa's phone buzzes in his hand. Without thinking, he glances down at the screen before leaving the phone in the owner's hands.

It's just a text from Hongjoong, but it makes Wooyoung's heart drop to his stomach. Everything inside him tenses with the instinct to flee.

I'm on my way back.
Should be there soon.

"I—" He starts, his throat dry as he leaves the glass on the counter. "I should go."

Wooyoung blends the last bit of highlighter along the bridge of his nose, he squints at the mirror, trying hard not to let tears waste the twenty minutes he spent working on his make-up. That wouldn't be ideal for a birthday party.

He should really hurry up— Seonghwa has been yelling updates from the living room every ten minutes like a stressed wedding planner. What's making him slow down is the fact that the second he steps out of the bathroom, he's going to have to face Hongjoong. He's still not sure he's ready for that. He just doesn't feel like dealing with him, yet.

He smooths glitters in the inner corner of his eyes, muttering to his own reflection. "So puffy."

He hears something fall, the thud coming loud from the living room, but not as loud as Seonghwa's dramatic curses.
Realistically speaking, Hongjoong probably isn't helping out as much as he said he would. He promised he was going to help and then reached for the laptop in his backpack. That made Wooyoung's stomach twist in ten different painful ways, and he proceeded to run to get ready in the bathroom.

Hongjoong started so well: he actually dressed up for the theme; styled his hair in the way Wooyoung likes; he hugged him the moment they saw each other at the door, pulled him in tight, whispered apologies and almost, almost fixed everything in a matter of seconds with a soft happy birthday Woo that still echoes in his mind. He tried, he really did, and Wooyoung desperately wants that to be enough. He just wants to be able to accept the effort like a normal, emotionally stable human being.

But there's this ache sitting in chest, like someone attached a rock to his heart. Because it doesn't feel nearly enough, not for the kind of pain he went through yesterday— and he still is going through today.

As anyone can guess, he still hasn't talked to Hongjoong and he has spent almost two hours now avoiding Seonghwa's eyes because the I love you, but you're being impossible look hits too deep.

He knows he should talk to him before the party starts, before guests start arriving. He sort of promised he would, but he's actively choosing to ignore that part.

He steps out of the bathroom only when he realizes Seonghwa can't handle the decorations on his own for much longer. He immediately feels the tension shift, it only simmers down thanks to Seonghwa's humming loudly from the kitchen, the warm lights and the scattered decorations all around the open space.

Hongjoong is still hunched over his laptop, looking on the brink of an existential crisis. He glances up from the screen the moment Wooyoung appears. "You look good." He says, forcing a relaxed smile that doesn't look half-way ready.

Wooyoung blinks fast, like acknowledging the comment is physically hard.
"Thanks." He says, quickly, ducking his head. The compliment lands shallow, almost— not because Hongjoong doesn't mean it, but because Wooyoung doesn't know what to do with it.

"Sure.." Hongjoong replies, with still that stretched, uncomfortable, faked relaxed smile on his face. He stares at him for a second too long, tilting his head to the side.

And Wooyoung's stupid heart decides to flutter like it didn't spend the day before cracking apart because of him. Before he can swallow his feelings and try to interact with his older friend in a normal way, Hongjoong's phone vibrates loudly. He glances at the screen, sighs heavily and pushes his chair back.
"I have to take this. I'll be in Hwa's room for a minute."

And if that minute becomes two, it would be enough time for Wooyoung to talk to him, or at least try and start somewhat of a conversation. Just to fulfill, to a very limited extend, his promise to Seonghwa— his crossed fingers meant nothing to his brain who loves guilt tripping him on a daily basis.

Hongjoong walks past him, close, warm, hand brushing his side in a silent apology for squeezing by. Wooyoung has half an idea to turn on his feet and follow him inside the room, but before he can decide on that, the door has already clicked shut. This can still be the moment Seonghwa meant, he can still turn around, knock on the door and wait for Hongjoong to be done— Wooyoung's legs turn him in the opposite direction instead, like he's just a Sims character on autopilot. He beelines towards Seonghwa. His body seems to have chosen the safest gravity.

Seonghwa hands him a bag of chips without looking up from the counter. "You avoided him again." He says, voice perfectly even.

"He's just busy.." Wooyoung tries at first, folding immediately when Seonghwa side glances at him. "Yes, I did."

"You know he would talk to you." Seonghwa continues, stirring the candies inside a bowl of vodka. "You just need to show him you're ready— even right now. Just call for him."

"Can I have a crocodile?" Wooyoung says under his breath, pointing at a candy that has doubled up in size after soaking in alcohol for almost two hours.

"Not yet, grab me a bag of gummy bears instead. Poured too much vodka." Seonghwa softly slaps Wooyoung's hand away when he tries to take a candy. "And reflect on your actions while you're at it."

"Oh my— I just physically couldn't!" Wooyoung shakes the bag of gummy bears once he grabs it. "My legs refused to walk towards him. I think they unionized."

"You're unbelievable." Seonghwa mutters, dropping the gummy bears inside the bowl. "All you need to say is hyung, and Hongjoong's going to cave in immediately."

Wooyoung opens his mouth to reply but Seonghwa pushes a vodka filled crocodile in it.
"Just believe me without complaining for once."

He munches on it, squeezing his eyes for the taste before swallowing it at once. He needs some liquid courage. Maybe if the vodka starts working before half of the guests have arrived, he could corner Hongjoong for a moment.

"Whoa, guys, this looks so good." Yunho bursts into the space, coat still on, plastic bags hanging from his arms. Wooyoung softly smiles at him, he's like an excited golden retriever in human form— his hair is soft too. "I was shopping with Mingi— he's gonna arrive in a moment, he needed to change his clothes. Anyway, I was shopping with Mingi and we found a few things.." He struggles to talk as his hands fish inside the bags.

"There's literally no more space for deco—" Seonghwa tries to but Yunho interrupts him without any mercy, showing Wooyoung three different banners he has bought.

"The sparkly one you asked for. Then I found this Hello Kitty one— Mingi wasn't too happy about it 'cause you wanted black, so he got you the Kuromi one. But I'm still rooting for Hello Kitty."

"I did want all black.." Wooyoung mumbles, taking the banners and the bags from Yunho's hands so he can take off the coat. He stares at them, not sure whether he's choosing which character he likes better, or which friend he likes better. The silver one is a done deal, he wanted it, he knows where to hang it already. But the other two…
"Good things come in threes. Let's use all of them."

Seonghwa cackles loud from the kitchen, nodding to himself almost like he knows something Wooyoung doesn't. Shortly after, while Yunho is taking the rest out of the bags, Hongjoong joins them again.
Seonghwa glances at him quickly before smiling at his boyfriend, asking how the call went.

"Yunho? Help me hang these!"
Wooyoung shouts, already climbing on top of the couch. His fingers are trembling slightly as he plays with the tape.
He's running away yet again.

He doesn't stop running away until he doesn't need to anymore— until the apartment is full, twenty five people squeezed into the open space, swallowing Wooyoung completely. There's noise, glitters everywhere, smell of cheap alcohol and the lovely sound of Mingi screaming into a karaoke mic like a banshee.

It's impossible to have a serious conversation in this chaos, so Wooyoung stops running and starts letting himself be carried by the night, instead. He greets everyone, accepts hugs and blushes at the compliments on his make-up. Seonghwa updates him on the status of banners and balloons, and Yunho runs around the open space to make sure the tape doesn't give up on them before picture time. He doesn't have the time to stop and help while Mingi spins him around like a rag-doll and San makes him dance in the middle of the room while screaming "This is the year you become a God!"— whatever that means.

The apartment is unrecognizable with most lights off, only a purple LED strip is on and it runs along the ceiling edges, painting the room in a sort of violet haze that makes Wooyoung feel like inside an alternative reality. He likes it. Maybe he doesn't have to worry about being background noise in this new reality.

He likes every detail, everything is perfect almost like he had the time to plan it on his own. He hugs a star-shaped glittery balloon as he makes a mental memo to shower Seonghwa with love for the next twenty-five years of his life.
There are tons of balloons of every kind, so many, so everywhere that it's almost overstimulating. He loves the way they float at the ceiling, cling to walls and roll on the floor. He kicks one, pets another one, launches himself on the couch while still hugging the star shaped one. Amazing.

The room is covered in black, silver and white with the exception of the Hello Kitty banner Yunho bought him. Mingi was speechless when he entered the room and saw his boyfriend and the birthday boy take selfies with it, middle fingers up one moment and pouts on their lips the next one. He joined them after a second, and they did the same with the Kuromi one.

Everyone is loud. Everyone is happy to be there. Most of them are drunk. But, most importantly, Wooyoung feels loved— unmistakably, overwhelmingly loved.
But he also feels something else when he stops moving or talking for too long. It's slow, and heavy, and melancholic, and it presses right at the center of his ribcage. When those moments hits he drinks them away, slowly, never stepping over the line between tipsy and drunk, but enough to be able to swim inside his head while his body takes the lead again.

Once in a while Hongjoong appears beside him, either alone or with Seonghwa. He's quiet, smiling, never hovering but always alert. Wooyoung tends to gravitate towards him, letting himself forget the pain for a second as he holds his pinky before running to the other side of the room to make sure Yeosang doesn't fall outside the window while looking outside.

He always has a reason to run away, and he takes advantage of it without thinking twice. Because Hongjoong never talks to him first, never approaches him to have a small chat, comment on the decorations, ask about his day— until he does.

"Do you like it?" Hongjoong asks, pointing to the star balloon Wooyoung hugs while chewing on a gummy bear twice the original size, the gin burns his throat right away. "I picked those, together with the black hearts. Hwa couldn't decide, so I did."

Wooyoung's heart squeezes tighter than he expects. "You did?" He asks, trying to keep it casual, but failing to control his pitch.

Hongjoong shrugs softly. "Hwa went to yet another shop this morning, but he couldn't decide, so I did." He speaks close enough for Wooyoung to hear him over the music, and to feel the breath over his skin.

Wooyoung doesn't know whether to laugh or cry, maybe both at the same time would be more appropriate.
But then Hongjoong speaks again, and his smile falters.

"Who did you invite, by the way? I see people I know— people I don't."

"We… talked about it earlier." Wooyoung says, voice weak around the ages. "When I was hanging the banners with Yunho."

And Wooyoung could go on again about the twenty four people he and Seonghwa manages to put together to get to the perfect number. He could highlight how Wooyoung was perfectly fine with the eight of them alone, they have lots of fun every time they hang out anyway; how he started wondering if his study group would feel bad not to be invited since they spend most of the days and most of the day together; how Seonghwa deeply hated the twenty at the end of his list of people and threw four more from his personal friend group— people Wooyoung grew close with after a beer.

He could repeat all of that. But he doesn't want to, Hongjoong was there when they talked about it— Wooyoung squints his eyes, fakes a smile.
"You must have been.. busy— It's fine. Anyway, I think I need to stop Yeosang from admiring the sky from up close."
He doesn't even finish his sentence before walking towards his very drunk friend with head hanging outside the window to breathe some fresh air for the third time in a matter of an hour.

"Hey." Yeosang mutters, lazy, eyes barely open.

Wooyoung smiles at him, moving strands of hair out of his face. "Are you tired already?" He feels Hongjoong's eyes on him but he doesn't twist his head to check if it's just his imagination.

"Too many fat gummy bears." Yeosang laughs, cupping Wooyoung's cheeks gently. "You look so sad, my Wooyoungie."

"I just need a drink." Wooyoung says, letting Yeosang play with his cheeks as he speaks.

The night grows louder within minutes, suddenly everyone's interested in karaoke or very dangerous dance moves that have Yunho almost knock down a floor lamp. The drinking games they play might have something to do with it, but he can't be too sure, he's too busy making sure San doesn't choke on a marshmallow.

Wooyoung gets drowned in cuddles when he's not preoccupied with someone's life— Seonghwa wrapped around him from behind during a round of uno, Mingi lifting him off the floor every few minutes, San hanging off his shoulders like a deranged koala.

He loves it— the way he feels adored and spoiled at all times. Everything goes perfectly, but only if he manages to keep his eyes away from Hongjoong. When he doesn't, he feels a weird twist of emotion rise in his throat. It's not exactly anger, nor resentment. It's just that awful shaky desire to hug him and cry into his chest and apologize for not being brave enough to talk to him properly and solve it all in a minute. Because it's something that stupid at the end of the day.

Stupid birthday, stupid feelings and, more than anything else, stupid alcohol for making them louder than ever. Loud enough that Wooyoung starts noticing things he didn't care about when barely sober yet far from being skirting the line between lovely tipsy and drunk mess.

He usually doesn't care, okay? He doesn't care if he's alone and other people have found their soulmate or whatever they tell themselves to sleep better at night. But now, that his alcohol level is too elevated to ride a bike, he notices. And he hates it. He turns his head when he spots Yunho and Mingi making out against one of the walls of the open space— some other friends of his find someone to go at it as well, making the most of the night.

For a sliver of a second, Wooyoung wants that too. Not with a random stranger though. He wants to feel someone's hands on his waist, wants to be kissed stupid and looked at like he actually matters more than a friendly amount. He has someone in mind for the leading role… more than one person actually.

It should last that silver of second, but the craving only worsens when he spots Seonghwa and Hongjoong talking near the kitchen counter, one more involved in the party than the other. It happens quickly but Wooyoung witnesses it all, not able to train his eyes away from the scene. They kiss, softly, lovely— so intimate, and Wooyoung is so jealous. He's not sure of who, in particular— he wants to be Seonghwa one moment and Hongjoong the following one.
He tilts his head while sitting on the couch, Yeosang laying on his lap and San hugging him from behind, but they could easily not be there— he's so focused on his best friends kissing than the world could stop spinning for all he cares.

He's not jealous, it's not quite the right word for it. He's longing, yearning that same kind of attention from either of them— he's not sure, he just wants to be between them. And, suddenly, the apology he wanted to cry on Hongjoong's chest doesn't feel nearly enough anymore to deserve that kind of attention. He wants to show Hongjoong something, wants to prove he can mean something to him too, that he can be good for him, like Seonghwa is. So next time he won't forget his birthday, because how could anyone forget someone they want?

The thought hits him hard like a slap, one that makes him feel hot out of humiliation. He's just about to spiral deeper before Jongho appears in front of him, tugging at his wrist, asking him to dance or sing or anything that isn't sitting there with a drooling Yeosang on his lap. Wooyoung lets himself be dragged away while he tells himself how stupid he is for thinking he even has a chance at that— why would he destroy himself with such thoughts if he's not even sure of actually wanting them to happen? They come to the surface only when he's borderline drunk, and never make it into daylight. Only explanation is that they aren't real.

He swallows few more sips of someone's drink just to shut his brain up before joining Jongho and few more friends of his in the tiny little space in front of the TV that has been denominated dance square by Mingi.

"Presents!"
Someone screams at the top of his lungs while Wooyoung is busy eating something that won't destroy his liver, Seonghwa loosely hugging him from behind.

"We don't do presents." Wooyoung mumbles, as he's being pushed towards the couch, people gathering around it in slow motion.

"Twenty-five only happens once." Seonghwa smiles at him. Wooyoung wants to reply every age comes once in a lifetime, but he doesn't have time to say anything before being showered with small packages.

Wooyoung tries to get his friends to shut up, he barely understands who to thank for each gift and his head is about to explode from working overtime and chugging too much vodka and gin in one night. But he fails miserably to make them behave, apparently volume control disappears after the third shot— and they've had just a few more.
He's sober enough to read names on the cards and send flying kisses to the people mentioned. And he's sober enough to leave Seonghwa and Hongjoong's gift for last, the one he cares about the most.

It's just a envelope that has been sitting on his thigh ever since the unpacking has started. Seonghwa sat next to him, left the envelope there and just hyped up every other gift Wooyoung received. Hongjoong doing the exact same right behind them, leaning on top of the couch.

"Last one!"
San shouts, hands around his mouth like it's necessary to be any louder. But Wooyoung can only laugh at him as he asks to tone it down, just the tiniest bit not to have police called on them— even if it might be too late at this point, after hours of partying.

He swallows hard, reading his name on the back of the envelope in what's clearly Hongjoong's writing. His heart almost warms up at the sight— almost, because Hongjoong has to ruin it all again.

“What did we go for, in the end?” He asks, his voice low, his tone betraying his tipsy state. He asks like he genuinely doesn’t remember what they chose.

At that, Wooyoung feels something inside him tilt.
Does he care at all?
He asks himself as he opens the envelope, training his facial expression to make sure no one else around him understands his desperate need to sob. It's hard to keep his composure when he's half gone, but he manages not to make a scene, just for Seonghwa and all the effort he put for the amazing party.

Just like Hongjoong, Wooyoung doesn't know what to expect inside the envelope. Maybe his older friend is standing that close to his face to peek inside as well, maybe if he sees the color of the letter he remembers what they wrote on it.

"Do I have to read it out loud?" He asks, breath chocking in his throat as he feels already emotional. They both give him the freedom to choose, but the loud yes that comes from Mingi sitting in front of him on the floor is crucial.

"To our precious Woo. We are shocked you decided to keep us by yours side for three long years, and we sincerely hope you're not regretting your choices because whatever happens we're not going anywhere." Wooyoung takes a long breath, trying to steady his voice. Seonghwa softly squeezes his leg, making Yeosang coo in a corner of the living room.

"We thought about buying you a hundred different things, but we soon realized there's only a thing that has been making you talk for hours, and that is tattoos. You plan your next tattoos more carefully than your meals, which, honestly, worries us sometimes. But there's no one who knows better than us how ridiculously happy creative freedom over your body makes you."

Wooyoung brings himself to read the whole letter out loud, only because he fears he would start crying on his own if he doesn't— and people are filming.
The letter goes on to tease him gently. How every time he talks about tattoo placement he gestures with his whole body, how he once tried to convince Seonghwa to get matching piercings at 3 a.m., how Hongjoong swears the artists at the studio know Wooyoung by name at this point.
Then the tone softens a little, and that's when he threatens to lose it. They write about how much they love seeing him light up when he talks about decorating his skin, how confident he looks when he feels like himself, how they always notice when he feels proud and when he feels shy about it.

They know him so well. Everything they wrote is just spot on, memories clear like it's happening in real time and not over the past three years of their friendship. Wooyoung can't bring himself to believe someone who was capable of that, is also capable of forgetting his birthday at all. If he hadn't seen his face, he would have probably thought it was just a prank.

But Wooyoung saw Hongjoong's face, and guilt was painted all over it— it still is when Wooyoung turns around to look at him, his body moving on his own.
"There are three more lines." Hongjoong bumps his shoulder lightly with the back of his hand.

"Whatever you get next, it’s on us. We trust your vision. And we love how you shine when you feel like yourself. Hwa hyung, Joong hyung."

He feels his throat go tight again as he shuts the letter close before his tears can ruin it, he can feel them coming. He rushes up on his feet and hugs them both in one go, leaving kisses on their cheeks, making them chuckle and hold him tighter.

He loves them so much.

Wooyoung isn't sure how it happens, all he knows is that one moment he's kneeling on the couch, hugging his two best friends, and the next one he's sitting on the couch backrest, hugging Hongjoong only. Not quickly, nor lightly. Hongjoong's arms hold firmly Wooyoung's waist longer than they usually would, it almost feels like a silent apology.

Wooyoung doesn't pull away first, he's scared the moment he meets Hongjoong's eyes he's going to start sobbing uncontrollably. So he stays there, hiding his head in the crook of his neck, waiting for his emotions to balance themselves out again. On their own. Might take a while, but he's pretty comfortable anyway.

Then Seonghwa brushes the back of his head and calls him softly. It's something like "sweetheart, are you okay?" but Wooyoung can't be too sure, the world sounds underwater to him. But that's enough to make him crack.

Next thing he knows he's running to the bathroom.

Wooyoung barely registers the doorway of the bathroom as he stumbles inside, hands gripping the edge of whatever he manages to reach not to fall to the ground. His hands are shaking, he can barely breathe through the tears and the room is suddenly swaying— or maybe he's the one swaying. His eyes have started blurring back on the couch, he sees through a wall of water at the moment as tears run down his cheeks hot and useless.

What's the point of crying now? He just hugged you!

"Wooyoung-ah.." Seonghwa's voice slips in behind him, soft as ever but with a clear edge of urgency. "Hey, sweetheart, look at me. Okay?" A hand lands heavy on his back, steady and warm and supposedly grounding but Wooyoung can hardly feel the benefit of it at the moment.

He tries to answer, to show he's there with him even though is mind is running somewhere else entirely. But nothing comes out except a broken little sound, that isn't even a word. His breath catches halfway, shoulder jerking as he tries to inhale too fast for his contracted lungs. It hurts. Everything hurts.

Wooyoung leans back instinctively, hoping there's a surface ready to catch him and, thankfully, Seonghwa is already there. His arms come around Wooyoung swiftly, guiding him gently so his weight falls perfectly against his chest instead of hitting the porcelain of the tiles as well.

"What's wrong, Wooyoung? Tell me what's happening." Seonghwa murmurs into his hair, voice low, like he's afraid loud noises will shatter Wooyoung completely— and he's right. Someone shouts in the living room and Wooyoung almost jumps on the spot, loosing balance.

"I— I don't—" The words crumble in his mouth as he tries to let them out.
Since his mouth isn't cooperating he tries to figure out which thought hurt first, which one made him snap or why all of a sudden it feels like the night collapsed on top of him. But he can't. It's all tangled. Nothing makes sense.

"It's okay." Seonghwa whispers, holding the back of his neck and rubbing small circles on the skin. "Just try to breathe."

"I can't— I don't know—" Wooyoung tries again, because confusion and vulnerability don't make him less stubborn. He has to let something out, or he's going to explode.
But the room shifts again, his eyes water harder, if that's even possible, and he feels so stupid. He doesn't have a reason to be such a mess, yet he's overwhelmed beyond what's humanly possible to bare— in his humble opinion.

He doesn't know whether it was the effort in the letter, the hug that followed, the contrasting signals Hongjoong spent the night sending his way— first he cares, then he forgets, then he cares again and then he forgets again. Or maybe the problem is that he wants too much and nothing at all at the same time— if that even makes sense. Or maybe the running away all night only to collapse in his arms was what fucked him up.
Or maybe he just feels everything too deeply, he's too involved.

Seonghwa holds him close through the thinking, the shaking, the uneven breathing and the dizzy, confused panic that doesn't know where to land and where it took off.

"Hey, I've got you. You're safe, I promise." Seonghwa murmurs again, trying to break through whatever wall he thinks Wooyoung is trying to hide behind. He's not. He can't control a single thing happening to him at the moment.
And that only makes the experience ten times worse.

At the very least, hearing Seonghwa's voice close to him helps. It feels almost like he's in his head space with him.
At the very least, he's not completely alone in the chaos.

They stay like that for a minute, or ten, Wooyoung can't really tell how long Seonghwa hugs him. But the arm around his waist stays steady, the other on his chest, guiding his breathing, doesn't move. He also tries to catch his tears, but the sudden loss of contact in any other part of his body makes Wooyoung lose control again.

He just needs to stay a little longer like this, maybe he's going to break through that wall of confusion and come back to reality— without answers, for sure, but not trapped in his own head anymore.

"You're doing great." Seonghwa murmurs moments before there's a quiet knock against the door. He can't tell if there's just one knock before the door opens or if there are twenty, the sound echoes in his mind until it threatens to make him go insane. The soft click of the door locking behind whoever joined them is enough to shut the echo up and make him relax again.

Wooyoung realizes his eyes are squeezed shut only when he wonders why is he living through his ears and not his eyes. When they open slightly, they sting— the light, the tears, the make up, everything is against him looking at the man who just joined them in the bathroom. And maybe it was for the better considering it's Hongjoong. And he looks worried, or something close to it— his vision is still pretty blurry even though he's not crying as violently.

Hongjoong doesn't gasp, he doesn't rush to reach them, doesn't panic either. He goes still for a moment before taking a few steps towards him.
"Wooyoung..?" His voice is barely above a whisper, it shakes just for a moment before it steadies. "Love, hey. What happened?"

Wooyoung feels his heart clench in his chest as a broken breath escapes his lungs, half-sob, half-relief, half-fear. A mix of emotions he can't still figure out entirely.

Seonghwa is quick to answer for him, stroking Wooyoung's tummy with his fingers. "I don't know, Joong." He admits, quietly. "He's really overwhelmed. I don't think it's panic though. But I can't be sure.."

Hongjoong nods slowly, understanding, like it's no news to him. Wooyoung feels seen for a moment, but the man who sees him isn't too surprised— almost like he was halfway expecting this.
Wooyoung breath steadies a little more, his head making peace with the fact Hongjoong knows him, he must have figured out on his own he was bottling everything up, holding his emotions in for too long.

But, then again, is that what sent Wooyoung in this sort of unresponsive state? He's not sure, he can't tell, there's so much going on in his head.

"I'm sorry." Hongjoong says softly. "I'm so, so sorry."

Wooyoung lets out a tiny broken sigh. "I don't even— I don't—" but he can't finish, the words knot in his throat before he can let Hongjoong know he doesn't even know if it's his fault.

"We don't know if it's that. He's so overwhelmed."

Hongjoong nods, more to himself than to them. He looks like he wants to invade Wooyoung's personal space but doesn't know if he's allowed to.

He is.
Wooyoung is just waiting for him. He can't move on his own, he's frozen in this position against his own will— he wants Hongjoong so bad.

"I'll go get some water." Seonghwa decides quietly, squeezing Wooyoung's shoulder, reassuring, before stepping around both of them to reach the door.

The moment they're alone, Hongjoong moves, getting rid of the space left between them. He pries Wooyoung's hands off the sink that he's using to brace himself, he moves tentatively but Wooyoung gives in as soon as Hongjoong touches him. He doesn't resist.

"Come here." Hongjoong whispers, wrapping his arms around Wooyoung. The moment he does, Wooyoung almost collapses forward, melting into him like there's no other option to survive. His forehead presses into Hongjoong's shoulder, his fingers curl into his shirt and, before he knows it, his knees buckle like the last bit of strength has been drained out of him.

Hongjoong holds him tighter, protective, guiding them both down to sit on the bathroom floor. Wooyoung ends up sitting sideways between his open legs, head still resting on his shoulder, his eyes closed again.
"I've got you. You're not alone." Hongjoong keeps whispering in his ear, and it sounds like a promise.

Wooyoung lets out something that sounds between a sob and a gasp, he doesn't mean to let anything out, but it just happens. He buries his face deeper into Hongjoong's neck, embarrassed by his own state.

He doesn't know what he wants. Doesn't know what he's apologizing for in his head. Doesn't know who he's angry at, if he's even angry at anyone at all. Doesn't know what's he's longing for, or who.
His thoughts are a caught up in a storm, he can barely count them all.

Hongjoong's arm stay wrapped around his waist, anchoring him back to the real world as his breath slowly stops stuttering. The bathroom floor is cold under them, but Hongjoong leaves warmth everywhere he touches, and Wooyoung just clings to that like a lifeline— like the only solid certainty in the fog.

"Can you look at me?" Hongjoong asks softly, fingers brushing the leftover tears away from the side of Wooyoung's face.

Wooyoung manages to shift, barely, but he manages to press his cheek against Hongjoong's shoulder instead of hiding in his neck. He's not quite ready to lift his heat, yet, eye contact scares him. But he tilts his head just enough to show he's there, he's listening.

Hongjoong seems to understand. He adjusts his hold, one hand sliding up into Wooyoung's hair, stroking gently.
"You don't have to reply, or anything. Just listen, okay?"

Wooyoung nods quickly. Liking the idea more than trying to let anything out at the moment. He feels Hongjoong take a slow breath and hug him tighter around the waist.

"I remembered." He starts quietly. "I remembered clearing my schedule for the long weekend for you. Months ago. I went through my calendar and made sure to cancel what I already had, and decline everything that kept coming my way from Friday to Sunday." His fingers stroke down the back of Wooyoung's head, steady. "I wanted to make sure nothing could get in the way."

Wooyoung's throat tightens slightly. He plays with Hongjoong's shirt, trying not to tug too hard.

"I wanted to spend the day with you." Hongjoong continues, his voice even softer. "I wanted us to get lunch together, coffee with Hwa so we could bully you together about becoming old." A tiny smile grows on Wooyoung's face as Hongjoong keeps going. "I wanted your day to be what you probably dreamed of."

Wooyoung swallows hard, focusing on the fabric under his fingers.

"But then it all became so chaotic, the days blurred together and I— I must have lost track. I didn't check the date, didn't realize what day it was until you mentioned it first and I—" Hongjoong's breath stumbles for a moment. “I felt sick the second it hit me. I still feel sick thinking about it.”

Wooyoung presses his eyes shut. He can’t handle the way that lands in his chest, he doesn't even want to start processing it. He has no energy left.

Hongjoong keeps going, voice low but not trembling. "I'm mortified, Woo. I can't say it in any other way— can't just gloss over it. I forgot your birthday, I did. I never wanted it to happen, for a number of reasons, but I did. And I'm so, so, so incredibly sorry about it."

It's like something breaks open in Wooyoung's mind, like finally there's space again for him to breath fully. He presses a little closer to Hongjoong, without meaning to. His body just seeks more and Hongjoong's arm tightens around him, the other hand still playing with his hair.

"About the party," he continues quietly, "I wanted to be part of it. Hwa was planning it in front of me and I wanted to join him but he didn't want to overwhelm me, so he just asked for little things. The balloons today but last week too, we brainstormed over snacks and games. I tried really hard when I wasn't caught up with work. I hope you know that."

Wooyoung nods slowly, his forehead brushing Hongjoong's jaw for a moment.

"There's one more thing. The letter— your birthday present." Hongjoong lets out a soft breath. "We prepared two letters last week, we couldn't decided which one— the tattoo or a trip. We wanted it to be something big and special, something you totally deserve." Hongjoong's fingers softly scratches Wooyoung's back. "We couldn't decide so Hwa took it upon himself to do some more thinking for the both of us. He told me, I'm pretty sure he did at some point, but I just forgot for a moment."

Wooyoung’s breath catches as shame pools low in his stomach. He starts shaking his head, the movement messy and almost violent. Hongjoong tries to calm him down again.

"It's my fault," he mutters, voice broken, strained by the sobs. "I— I’m— I shouldn’t have— I’m sorry— I’m so sorry—”

“Hey.” Hongjoong says quickly, cupping Wooyoung’s cheeks with both hands, nudging him gently to stop his head from shaking. “No. None of that.”

Wooyoung tries again anyway, words tumbling out too fast.
“I acted stupid, I— I should’ve been mature about it. I— I felt so hurt I couldn’t think— I didn’t mean to ignore you, I didn’t mean— so long—”

"No, love." Hongjoong murmurs, voice warm, wiping tears before they can even reach Wooyoung's cheeks. He didn't even realize he started crying again. "Don't apologize for your feelings, for being hurt.."

Wooyoung's breath shatters a little. "I just— I wasn't thinking straight." He whispers. "I didn't know what to do."

Hongjoong rests their foreheads together for a moment, grounding him with every slow breath. "That's okay. That's why we have to talk, which is one of the reasons why I'm here." He lowers his face enough to meet Wooyoung's eyes. "I want to understand your feelings. Not now. Not this morning. Yesterday, when you had to call me out on my bullshit."

Wooyoung parts his lips but nothing comes out of them. Only a tiny sound that means nothing but the gears in his brain starting to work again.

The door clicks open a second after, and Seonghwa slips inside quietly, holding a glass of water and some normal-sized gummy bears. He smiles softly, lowering himself in front of them.
"My pretty men. I have water and sugar for you. You went through a lot."

Wooyoung turns his head towards him, eyes glassy but much calmer. Something in his chest loosens when he meets Seonghwa's eyes. Now that he's back, that he has the both of them with him, it feels like someone opened a window in a suffocating room.

He takes a slow sip of water while Hongjoong's hand keeps roaming on his back. Seonghwa's fingers brush his leg lightly as he brags about hiding that last bag of candies for him.

Wooyoung exhales with a soft smile on his lips, his breathing is still shaky but he's recovering fast. Before he knows it the words are coming back to him, and they make sense even though there's not an ounce of confidence in them.

"So— yesterday." His voice breaks a little, so he decides to eat a gummy bear to distract himself as he speaks. He needs to keep going. "I didn't come to see you to scold you or anything. I swear, hyung, I didn't think you forgot, just that you were too busy to grab your phone. Like always."

Hongjoong's hand presses a little firmer at his lower back, Wooyoung's not able to look up at him just yet so he stares at the candies instead.

"But then you talked, a lot, and said nothing about me or the party. Just work, Seonghwa hyung, work.. my brain—" His fingers tremble around a candy, he exhales slowly trying to calm himself down. "It just started making up this whole scenario were— that— you know, you forgot. And then it snowballed—" Wooyoung sniffles, poking a gummy bear. "I started thinking that maybe... you know, it was a sign that I didn't matter to you as much anymore. That you and Seonghwa hyung had each other now and I was an extra."

To actually say it out loud is not as painful as he thought it would be. Yes, his voice cracks once, his hands barely hold the glass still, and he can't look them in the eyes, but it's out. And he feels actually better, lighter.

Seonghwa's fingertips slide up his knee, his thumb rubbing the side softly. "But we're here, sweetheart. We didn't go anywhere, and we're not planning to."

Wooyoung nods, breath quickening again. "I knew it wasn't true, it couldn't be— I knew, but I kept hearing that voice in my head telling me it was, and— I just couldn't shut it up. And the way hyung talked about his schedule and about you and—" He swallows hard looking at Seonghwa's legs. "It felt like everything I believed in was falling apart."

Hongjoong’s thumb strokes the back of his shoulder as quiet encouragement.

"I didn't want to cry." Wooyoung adds, his voice tight. "I didn't want to make it a thing. I knew it wasn't a big deal but I—" His breath stumbles a moment. "I care too much about about you two, so much that it hurts. It's all because I just love you guys probably more than I should, more than the normal amount."

He lifts his eyes for the first time to meet both Hongjoong's and Seonghwa's. He wants them to know his words are the purest truth he can let out. There's something else he hasn't mentioned yet, but he has already decided those thoughts were caused by the alcohol— they don't matter.

His voice trembles as he keeps going. He's not crying again, he's just scared of being so honest with his feelings. That voice is still telling him they could easily agree that something has changed and he has become an extra in their lives— a special extra, but still an extra. Which sounds fair, but the idea terrorizes him. He doesn't know exactly which other option there is, but being an extra is not one he can live with.

"That's why it felt like the end of the world. Because I’m stupid and I get attached and I— I wanted to matter that much to you too.”

Seonghwa and Hongjoong exchange the quickest look, a flicker, but neither of them pulls away or correct him.

"You never stopped mattering. Not even for a second." Hongjoong says as his hand slips from Wooyoung’s back to his hair, running through it gently.

"I already told you, but I feel like you need to hear it again." Seonghwa adds, his fingers now brushing his arm in slow circles. "You're feelings are valid, you're allowed to feel them all. You don't have to be ashamed of caring. There's not such a thing as caring too much— not with us, at least."

The words make Wooyoung's face heat quickly, he blushes, not really understanding why but warmth washes over him and he feels his cheeks turning pink in real time. He also feels a tiny spark rushing under his skin when he realizes both his friends are touching him, steady and warm.
He likes it. Their hands on him are heaven on Earth. Being held by both of them at once is something that happens rarely, that's probably when he started breaking down earlier.

It's not the moment to go thought strong feelings, so he tries to steady himself, eyes fluttering shut for a moment.

"I'm still sorry." He whispers. "I should've talked to you sooner instead of avoiding you."

Hongjoong shakes his head immediately, thumb brushing Wooyoung's cheek. "Like I don't know you— don't apologize. I did disappoint you. I'm the one who has to apologize."

Wooyoung bites the inside of his cheek as Hongjoong continues, his tone much lighter. "I'm going to make up for it. I'll spoil you rotten. I'll do whatever you ask me. Birthday rules." He shows Wooyoung his pretty smile. "I already wanted to, anyway. You're not going to bother me if your mind is going there already."

Wooyoung lets out a tiny laugh, embarrassed— he has been caught big time. Hongjoong rolls his eyes as he mutter "this fast?" making Wooyoung laugh louder.

"That's unfair, hyung. I can't think straight right now."

"Perfect timing to take big decisions then." Hongjoong replies, grinning a little, moving hair way from Wooyoung's face. "We can start with something small and go crazy after. What do you want? Sushi? Plushie? A serenade from me and Hwa?"

"You do not want that." Seonghwa mutters, hitting Hongjoong's arm. "He's tone-deaf after three drinks, and he had five."

Wooyoung laughs again, easy, breathless— his whole chest vibrates much lighter than when he first entered the bathroom. The fog in his head starts to melt away completely, replaced with something alive instead. He opens his mouth to answer Hongjoong's teasing offer with a trip to an escape room when Seonghwa stands up, suddenly, dusting off his knees.

"All of that sounds great…" He says, walking toward the counter next to the sink. "But first, we need to fix your makeup. There’s mascara on your chin.”

Wooyoung blinks, not remembering his tears reaching that low on his face. "Is there?"

"It's pretty much everywhere, if I have to be brutally honest." Seonghwa replies, rummaging through his drawer before pulling out two make up bags. "Come on. We still have to take so many pictures."

Wooyoung accepts his hand to help him stand up on his feet. He moves slowly because his head is still spinning a little, which makes sense for how much he has cried in the past— "How long have we been in here?"

"A little more than twenty minutes. There's a karaoke contest going on out there, and I asked Mingi to say everyone you drank a bit too much." Seonghwa reassures him as he guides his body to sit on the counter, right next to the sink. Wooyoung settles there, legs dangling slightly.

"I did drink a lot. Those gummies are worse than drugs."

"Might be why they put weed in them." Hongjoong shrugs, getting up as well to stand beside him. His hand slides gently onto Wooyoung's thigh, reassuring. Wooyoung's breath stutters for just a second, but he doesn't move away.

Seonghwa works in quiet concentration on Wooyoung's face. His thumb is steady under Wooyoung's chin, as he wipes away the last streaks of mascara. Wooyoung relaxes, letting his eyes fall half-closed— it almost feels criminal to relax this much after the ruckus he has caused in that bathroom.

They talk about nothing while Seonghwa draws soft lines around his eyes, Wooyoung just listens for the most part, but with the softest smile on his face.

"Someone spilled something on the couch." Hongjoong says, leaning on the counter next to Wooyoung.

"Yunho's going to scream when he'll be sober enough to notice the stain." Seonghwa mumbles, looking for something in his make up bag.

"Oh, and I'm pretty sure I saw San try to mix yogurt with gin." Hongjoong adds, catching a tube of mascara rolling towards the edge of the counter. "Strawberry yogurt."

"That's mi—" Seonghwa almost shouts, turning towards Hongjoong. "I'll make sure to forget to make him hangover soup tomorrow."

Wooyoung lets out a cackle, tugging at Seonghwa's wrist to remind him what he's should be busy with. Hongjoong keeps mentioning what he noticed during the party, what he thought of the other gifts, how he can't wait to get rid of his skinny jeans— Seonghwa tells him to shut up multiple times. There's no bite behind his words, he laughs as he says it and Wooyoung laughs with him. Hongjoong is just distracting— all of him is: his fingers drawing circles on the side of Wooyoung's thigh keep making the younger forget he has to go back to a room full of people, that his night is not ending with them in that bathroom.

There's no tension, no heaviness, just light chatting that makes something warm settle in Wooyoung's chest. By the time Seonghwa starts placing rhinestones in a little constellation around Wooyoung's eyes, Wooyoung feels almost floaty— like he's sitting inside a soap bubble. He watches Seonghwa choose sparkly jewels with surgical precision, he teases him about it, but he never questions his choices. He trusts Seonghwa with his face more than he trusts himself, if he has to be honest.

Wooyoung's about to ask if they think it's a good idea that he has another drink after they eat the cake— cakes. But he never gets to, Hongjoong speaks up first. His voice is low and careful, and that almost scares Wooyoung more than his words.

"So.. before we go back out there," he starts from where he's leaning against the counter, arms now crossed in front of his chest, "was there anything else in your mind we haven't talked about yet? Anything you feel the need to let out, or just, need us to know?"

Wooyoung freezes, worried Hongjoong has developed a new super-power and he's now able to read his mind. He freezes because he's worried Hongjoong is going to catch what jumps into his brain the moment he starts talking: the moment he saw them kissing, the thoughts that ruled his mind in those minutes.

That kiss... the way they managed to make it look like an intimate moment while surrounded by empty bottles of alcohol and drunk people. The way he wanted to be part of it. The stupid, humiliating wave of longing that hit him so hard he couldn't breathe for a second.

His face burns instantly, his cheeks turning a shade of red Seonghwa doesn't have in either of his make-up bags. It's impossible for both of his friends not to notice, they glance at each other for a second before Seonghwa giggles at him "That's... a reaction."

Hongjoong's eyebrows lift slowly. "Yeah, that's not nothing."

Wooyoung panics immediately. "It's nothing— It's something, actually, but it's stupid." He finds himself forced to admit that something has in fact crossed his mind, but just because they already know. "Really stupid. It’s not about you two. I mean— it is about you two, but it shouldn’t be. It’s just— your thing. I don’t— I shouldn’t—”

Wooyoung wonders if he made more sense while he was spiraling, if, at the very least, he had better control of his own mouth— he can't believe he just spilled all of that. At once.

Seonghwa gives him a soft look before going back to brush highlighter around the rhinestones. "You can tell us anything."

"Seriously, if something hurt you or confused you, we want to know. You’re not intruding." Hongjoong adds while Wooyoung keeps shaking his head.

"Just… if something’s sitting heavy on your chest, it doesn’t have to stay there.” Seonghwa says at last, smiling at him gently.

It's almost too much, too overwhelming— too much kindness that presses heavier than shame. But Wooyoung keeps shaking his head quickly, trying to erase the red from his cheeks by sheer willpower. “No, it’s— it’s fine. It’s really fine. Not important. Just me being stupid again.”

Seonghwa and Hongjoong exchange a tiny look, one of those quick and quiet glances that absolutely means something— Wooyoung's just too flustered to understand what. Must be something like a silent agreement between them, because they don't push again. They don't try to force anything out of him, they just go back to normal— as normal as a best-friend-emotional-triage-session in a bathroom can be. For a minute, Wooyoung think he got away with it.

Until Seonghwa places the last rhinestone and steps back to take a look at his work of art, eyes sparkling with pride.
"You look perfect!"

Wooyoung hops off the counter to take a look at himself. Hongjoong's hand finds his waist automatically as he tries to steady himself, his head still spinning for some reason. He likes the little explosion of jewels on his face, Seonghwa definitely put much more effort than he did before the party— even if he spent ten minute on the eyeliner alone.

Seonghwa himself is about to unlock the door when Wooyoung stops him with a somewhat loud "wait." It comes out more shaky than anything, but Wooyoung tries to make it sound assertive— like he's got this, he can do it.

Both heads turn towards him immediately and Seonghwa hurries back to his spot next to Wooyoung. The younger rubs the back of his neck, eyes on the floor as he feels like under a microscope.

"This is probably the dumbest thought I've ever come up with in my entire life, so you're allowed to judge me and, or pretend I didn't say it— I don't even know why I'm saying it in the first place— just—" He sighs heavily, his lower back hitting the counter as he tries to steady himself. "I feel safe enough, I guess. So I will. Just to get it off my mind."

He breathes in sharply, staring at his shoes.

"I saw you guys kissing earlier.." His ears start burning again. "I guess I kinda— I don't know, like— I kinda wished that I could join? Something like that."

His voice is embarrassingly quiet, he's not even sure the other two can hear him.

"I— actually, my first thought was to show Joong hyung I could be good for him too, like Hwa hyung." His cheeks must be scorching hot. "Then just.. wanted to be between— just join." He shakes his head, his voice growing a bit louder as he finishes "It's nothing serious, I was just drunk and dramatic. I'm used to it."

There's silence in the bathroom, Wooyoung doesn't feel it's the uncomfortable kind but he would really love an answer. Any kind of reply is accepted at the moment. But no one utters a word for minutes— he's pretty sure the silence is filled with meaning itself, but he can't read it. He needs actually words.

Hongjoong and Seonghwa look at each other like they're having a conversation that doesn't require words. Wooyoung can't even begin to decode that, mostly because his brain is already fried.

Hongjoong cocks a brow up, Seonghwa shakes his head quickly. "He really can't go through more strong emotions today."

Hongjoong hums, rolling his eyes— not dramatically, just a silent admission Seonghwa might have a point. "But that's exactly what he wants. And I promised I'd spoil him, do everything he asks."

"That's not the point."

"It's definitely the point."

"Well, maybe not tonight then. He already went through a lot."

"Pretty sure he just said this happened tonight." Hongjoong points at Wooyoung and Seonghwa lowers his hand right away.

"I just don't think he's ready to process the weight of the consequences…"

Hongjoong pushes his lips in his a pout, nodding slowly. "Just— maybe he doesn't want consequences? That would make it suitable for tonight."

They're literally arguing over his emotional capability like he's not standing right there. It's almost comical the way he feels loved, yet ignored. So Wooyoung throws one hand up in the air, and waves it slowly.
"Hello? What are you two talking about?"

The silence after that lasts just long enough to make him want to crawl inside the bathroom cabinet under the sink and never come out. Then Seonghwa sighs first, brushing his hair back and resting his hands on his hips— he's not annoyed, nor frustrated, just gathering himself for a moment.

Hongjoong glances between the two of them, then steps forward until he's close enough to rest a hand on the lower portion of Wooyoung's back.
"Okay," Hongjoong starts "here's what's up with us. You told us something… huge. In a good way, please don't overthink it." His voice stays soft even if he rambles the last words out faster than Wooyoung has ever heard him talk.
"Something that means a lot, to us. But, Seonghwa thinks that giving you what you want tonight— kissing you right now, might be a tad too much, emotionally speaking."

Wooyoung blinks fast, caught between panic and curiosity. He watches Seonghwa lean closer to him, hand steading him on top of the counter.
"I just don't want to overwhelm you further." He says slowly. "You've cried a lot today, you're tipsy and you're.. raw? We just don't want to push anything on you that you're not ready for."

Oh.
Oh.
Oooh.

So that was what they were talking about. The realization hits him right in the throat. Is it becoming difficult to breathe or is it just him feeling the tension?

Hongjoong snorts, softly scratching Wooyoung's back over the fabric of his clothes. "If we did kiss you right now, we're not sure if it would emotionally heal you or kill you."

A helpless noise escapes Wooyoung mouth, sounds a mix between a choke and gasp. It makes Hongjoong huff a tiny laugh and step even closer, his hand sliding from Wooyoung’s back to his waist like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Like he has done it a hundred times already— he never has, not like that anyway.

"The truth is: if you're curious, or you want it, or you're just feeling something you don't have proper words for yet.. it's okay. But we go ahead only if you say yes. We're open to anything, really." Hongjoong admits, thumb rubbing against Wooyoung's side.

Wooyoung’s chest tightens so fast he swears there’s an actual physical pop inside him. His left hand wants to reach where his heart is placed, but Seonghwa's playing with his fingers and he doesn't want him to stop.

"I—" Wooyoung's voice breaks, he has to clear his throat and try again. "I— you guys— you want to kiss me? Like, both of you?"

They both nod at the same time, calmly, like he just asked if they wanted some water.

"Obviously." Hongjoong answers right away, like he has been wanting that opportunity since forever.

"It might sound weird, right now, without much explanation. But, yes, we're really more than okay with it." Seonghwa adds after a moment of silence.

The words settle under his skin and a shiver runs along his spine, making his breath catch in his throat. His fingers curls around Seonghwa's softly, like his body doesn't know what to do with the sudden attention from both of them— a totally different kind of attention to the one he's used to. Not that he doesn't like it— he might be thriving for it if he focus hard enough on himself instead of what's happening around him.

Hongjoong steps in closer, slow enough to give Wooyoung time to move away— he doesn't. Hongjoong's hand slides higher on Wooyoung’s waist, slipping beneath the edge of his shirt just enough that Wooyoung feels skin-to-skin contact, warm and steady and grounding. The touch is meant to calm him, but Wooyoung swears it sets off a fire somewhere low in his stomach. Curiosity is part of the mix that's fueling the heat in his body.

"If I tell you I'm ready to go ahead. Does anything change?"
Wooyoung looks up at them, eyes wide and shining and curious. He feels an awful lot like he's offering his heart in his cupped hands and he hopes neither of them drops it while handling it.
"Because I don't want to lose anything of what we already have." He adds, words rushing out before he can stop them. "Not you. Not this. And I don't want it to be weird in the moment, I don't want to need to regret my choices— I don't want us to get messed up."

Wooyoung bites his lower lip, eyes fluttering down to where Hongjoong's hand rests on his waist. "I want it— whether it's alcohol projecting my hidden desires or whatever— I want it. But I don't want anything to break because of a stupid need of mine to get kissed."

"Slow down." Hongjoong murmurs with a smile on his face, probably because of what Wooyoung just admitted. "It's not a contract, it's a kiss. If you don't want anything to change after, nothing will. We'll take it as part of your special present from us. If you do want something to change…" He lifts a hand and tucks a piece of hair behind Wooyoung’s ear, letting his fingertips graze the top of his cheek. "…we talk about it when we're all sober, tomorrow."

"And if you say no, we'll still sleep in the same bed anyway tonight. Nothing becomes something unless you want it to."

Wooyoung's breath shudders out of him, it's getting a little harder to breathe, but only because he's realizing, real time, what he truly wants.

Hongjoong notices immediately and his thumb starts sweeping slow, soothing circles into Wooyoung's hip. "Before you start overthinking again, there's nothing weird about thinking you wanted to be with us— between us, earlier."

Seonghwa nods in agreement, stepping forward until he's close enough his hand can slide up Wooyoung's arm, thumb moving on the skin behind his elbow.
"You're allowed to want closeness.. to want us. I wish we had time to go more in depth as to why we're so open to it, but we don't right now."

All of that— everything they say does something dangerous to Wooyoung's knees.
"You want me?" He asks again, just to be sure he has understood that right.

Hongjoong nods.
"At your pace, with your boundaries." Seonghwa says softly.

"You just need to blatantly tell us what you want. We'll take care of the rest." Hongjoong smiles at him, tilting his head slightly to meet Wooyoung's eyes.
"I can read your face, love, but that's not enough."

Wooyoung chuckles, rolling his eyes. Then the room goes silence, except for Wooyoung's heartbeat— so loud it sounds like his heart is threatening to leave his chest.
He looks at the both of them in the eyes for a quick moment, but for once in his life he's too overwhelmed to smile, joke, deflect, or backpedal. And in the best way possible.

Wooyoung's lips part, nothing comes out of them except a confused, breathless exhale. It makes Hongjoong smirk softly "That face definitely means yes.”

Seonghwa glares weakly at him. “Don’t pressure him.”

“I’m not. I’m just observing.”

“You are pressuring him.”

"Observation can bring pressure. Not my fault.”

They start bickering again, almost fondly. Wooyoung just watches them argue about him like two people who somehow care too much and not enough at the same time. They're still arguing over semantics when Wooyoung decides he's had enough.

"I want you to kiss me." It comes out quiet, almost like the realization is hitting him while those words leave his mouth. The sentence hangs in the bathroom in complete silence for a few long second before he hums a soft "who wants to kiss me?"

Seonghwa and Hongjoong reply in one beat, in a perfect, unplanned harmony "both."

Wooyoung blinks once, twice, then his entire face starts burning violently.

"Both?" His voice cracks embarrassingly. "As in I have to pick one or you flip a coin or— wait, both at the same time? Like both tonight? Both at once? You— How?"
Wooyoung spirals for a moment, his hands waving in circles between the three of them under the amused look of the two boyfriends. It would be even funny if his heart weren't just about to escape his chest.

Hongjoong chuckles under his breath, stepping in close enough to lean his chest on Wooyoung's shoulder, his arm snacking around his middle to steady him.
"Hey." He murmurs, running circles over his clothes. "You want a kiss, and we'll take care of it. No need to complicate it."

Seonghwa steps in, lowering his hands to make sure he doesn't slap someone in the face by mistake. Wooyoung just lets himself be handled.
"Sweetheart," he says gently, "you don't have to choreograph it, unless you have something in your mind already."

Wooyoung looks away immediately, his feet looking incredibly interesting all of a sudden. He's never going to admit a image did pop up in his mind the moment he understood what that both meant. His cheeks and ears betray him, but his friends thankfully pity him enough not to point that out.

"Why would I? I don't— I don't know how this works." He mumbles, covering his face with both hands. "Do you— do you kiss me at the same time? Do you take turns? Is it— like— do I move or do I stay still? Should I—"

Hongjoong snorts. "You overthink kisses more than your deadlines."

Wooyoung glares weakly. "Well, I care more about kisses than essays. I don't want it to feel sloppy." He admits, under his breath.

"Well, lucky you, this is easier than an essay." Seonghwa says softly, sliding his hand over Wooyoung’s arm until he’s cupping his shoulder.

Wooyoung looks between them, hopelessly overwhelmed and weirdly radiant with anticipation. His lips part on their own, breath catching in his throat as he asks "how do we do it?" with his voice barely there.

Hongjoong and Seonghwa exchange a look like there's already an answer, like they've already discussed it and the thought has Wooyoung's stomach twists in expectation.

"We can show you.. if you want." Hongjoong's breath brushes Wooyoung's neck as he whispers, it sends a quiver straight down Wooyoung's spine.

Seonghwa's hand reaches Wooyoung's face and his thumb sweeps up his chin in a soft stroke, tipping his face up just slightly. "And if you change your mind, even in the middle of it," he mumbles, "you just tell us. Okay?"

Wooyoung nods, breath shaky, chest tight. A simple nod is all it takes for Hongjoong to tug him gently, guiding him until his back meets Hongjoong's chest. His knees threaten mutiny for a moment, but Hongjoong's arms around his waist keep him standing.

Seonghwa steps forward into the space between them, close enough that Wooyoung can't look anywhere without meeting his eyes. His palms come up to cradle Wooyoung's cheeks, thumbs grazing his cheekbone with a tenderness that makes Wooyoung's stomach drop.

Seonghwa leans in, so close their breaths mix.
"Like this." He whispers.

And then he kisses him.

It's soft at first, warm lips brushing his with gentle pressure. It's the kind of kiss that feels like a secret being shared with careful words. Wooyoung melts instantly, fingers curling around Seonghwa's wrists, thumbs moving slightly on the back of his hands. He leans into his friend like gravity is pulling him forward, Hongjoong's hands make sure he doesn't fall on him.

His lips part a breath later when Wooyoung feels a spark of heat on his neck. Hongjoong's lips hover there, not touching quite yet but close enough for Wooyoung to sense the warm and softly gasp. His lips part and Seonghwa accepts the invite immediately, deepening the kiss, slow but with intent, guiding him through it without making it feel too overwhelming.

Seonghwa licks into his mouth briefly and when Wooyoung is just about to do the same, the older one retreats, breaking away with a soft breath, eyes half lidded and lips flushed red.

Before Wooyoung can even whine at the loss, Hongjoong spins him gently, hand firmly holding his waist. Wooyoung barely has the time to land against his chest with both hands before Hongjoong tilts his chin down with a thumb pressing softly on it.

"And also like this." He adds before connecting their lips.

The way Hongjoong kisses him is nothing like Seonghwa, they're polar opposites, yet they're equally intoxicating. Wooyoung's eyes were already glassy with pleasure, now they threaten to spill while Hongjoong nips at his lips for a moment.

It's a hungry kiss, intentional in every move, and Wooyoung matches him instinctively. He chases the other's mouth, pulling at Hongjoong's shirt, trying to keep up with a paces that feels dizzying but so, so good.

Hongjoong's tongue brushes Wooyoung's lower lips just once as his fingers press harder on the younger's hip, and Wooyoung whimpers against his best wishes to keep somewhat of a composure. Hongjoong, just like his boyfriend, uses the opportunity to deepen the kiss further, licking into Wooyoung's mouth like it's not the first time he has had the opportunity to taste it.

While Hongjoong kisses him breathless, Seonghwa leans in at Wooyoung's side and his lips find the side of his neck. A warm press, then another and another— a trail of slow and wet kisses that reaches Wooyoung's cheek.

Wooyoung shivers, overwhelmed, unable to decide when to breathe.
He's gone. Entirely gone.
But something hits him even harder.

Seonghwa's lips brush the corner of Wooyoung's mouth just as Hongjoong's lips leave it. A strand of spit is still connecting his lips with Hongjoong's, thick and shining, and Wooyoung watches with dazed fascination how it gets broken by Seonghwa's lips softly crashing on Hongjoong's.

Heat floods Wooyoung's chest and pools lower in his abdomen as they kiss right in front of him, his nose brushing Seonghwa's cheek as Hongjoong turns him into a mess. It's slow, hungry and practiced with such precision— he notices a thin smear of his own spit glistening on the corner of Seonghwa's lips and his entire body threatens to melt.

Something inside him just snaps. He leans in and catches Seonghwa's mouth again the moment Hongjoong releases him for a break. Seonghwa doesn't have time to take in any more oxygen before Wooyoung is hungrily asking for more from him. He doesn't seem to mind though, he smiles into the kiss and one of his hand slips back into Wooyoung's hair while the other finds his waist.
Hongjoong's palm slides up Wooyoung's back, fingers pressing slightly like he's trying to anchor him in place.

The temperature in the bathroom spikes, Wooyoung swears he sees white when Hongjoong's whole body aligns with his from behind and Seonghwa tugs at his hair slightly. The kiss becomes almost a way for Seonghwa to test how far he can take Wooyoung, he's careful but the way he licks his lips and swirls his tongue— it's like Seonghwa wants to savor him as much as he can before anything else happens. Wooyoung's hand clutches on Seonghwa's shoulder to steady himself. He smiles in the kiss, a faint memory of how Seonghwa was the one not believing in the timing for a kiss.

He seems to have changed his mind.

Before it can deepen too much, Hongjoong leans in from behind, lips brushing Wooyoung’s jaw in a slow, teasing drag that sends shivers down his spine. Wooyoung breaks from Seonghwa with a shaky breath, head tipping instinctively toward the touch that burns, making Hongjoong smile coyly against his skin.

"Sensitive" Hongjoong breathes against him, delighted more than teasing. Almost like it's an information he's going to keep in mind.

Wooyoung barely has the time to process the interaction before Seonghwa brings him back again, kissing him with more intention this time, but still devastatingly sweet. His fingers slide up the back of Seonghwa’s neck, needing something to hold onto. But it doesn't last long, soon enough Hongjoong's hands press flat and low on Wooyoung's abdomen, making him gasp on Seonghwa's mouth— the kiss stutters and Hongjoong takes it as an opportunity to tug Wooyoung's chin gently toward him. He lets Seonghwa go and lets his body rest on Hongjoong's.

"Hyung.." Wooyoung says breathless, not even sure which one of his friends he's calling.

Hongjoong's chuckles "let me, will you?" before swallowing him whole in yet another hungry kiss that makes Wooyoung's self-restrain crumble. He matches the intensity, fingers gripping at the fabric of Hongjoong's shirt and then moving up all the way behind his neck, tugging at the few strands of hair tickling the neck.

Seonghwa's not done yet, he presses a slow kiss to the side of Wooyoung’s neck, just below his ear, making Wooyoung’s breath hitch right into Hongjoong’s mouth. He whimpers making Hongjoong groan at the sound. He keeps kissing along his jaw before brushing the corner of his lips— close enough that Wooyoung can’t tell who he’s kissing until the angle shifts and Seonghwa takes over again, slow and coaxing. But Hongjoong doesn't let go, he licks the corner of Wooyoung's lips as he's busy with his boyfriend and when the kiss breaks, he goes in for Seonghwa.

Hongjoong slips a hand into Wooyoung’s hair while he kisses Seonghwa, thumb brushing his nape. The touch makes Wooyoung lean back slightly into Hongjoong’s chest, caught perfectly between them. Once again he's watching his saliva shine on the two men as they kiss each other, so hot for no reason at all. Wooyoung bites his lower lip grinning at the sight.

His chest, his whole body is warm at the precious moment of the two people he loves the most kiss each other while he's touching both of them. He feels wanted, chosen, pulled into something so intimate…

"… happy birthday to me, I guess." He lets out as a dazed whisper.

And for a few long, dizzy seconds, the three of them move in this impossible rhythm that makes Wooyoung feel like he's slowly drowning into something warm yet electric— sparks of heat make his body almost tingle.

It's not frantic, nor rushed. It's deliberate, wanted, a moment they all chose to share and a moment Wooyoung knows he could live in forever— the lock clicks, and the door swings open, ruining the magic.

Mingi is standing there, holding a key that looks awfully familiar than the one Seonghwa used to lock them in. Yunho is behind him, peeking with curiosity.

“Oh— oh shit— sorry, I— I thought you guys passed out or something.” Mingi says, covering his eyes with a hand.

Yunho just chuckles from behind him, swaying slightly. "Can I watch?"

Wooyoung wants to hide, preferably somewhere small and dark and not on this plane of existence. Instead, he just buries his face in Hongjoong's shoulder, mortified.

Hongjoong’s hand slides up his back as he leans in, voice low enough only Wooyoung can hear. “Don’t worry, love.” He murmurs with a tiny smirk Wooyoung can hear in his tone. “We’ll continue this later.”

Wooyoung’s entire body heats at once— he can't believe how much he loves the idea.