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Nicky lays in bed, staring out the large windows next to him. Joe snores softly beside him and, where it was once a comfort, it now feels like a weight, holding him down and back. Six years together, two of being a sugar baby and four of a real relationship, and even after all this time, Joe has never really opened up to him. He’s never met Joe’s family, he feels like arm candy at events they go to for Joe’s work, he’s little more than a doll, there for Joe to show off. The only time he really feels like he can see the true Joe is when they’re fucking. It’s like Joe opens to him when he’s deep inside Nicky, hitting every part of him, their souls connecting in a way that Nicky’s sure doesn’t happen to many people.
Maybe that’s why he’s stayed so long, given so much of himself, clung to the hope that maybe, one day…
But six years is too long to play this game, isn’t it? Nothing is changing. Joe still lavishes him with gifts and affection, but where it was exciting in the beginning, now it feels like a joke.
He considers his options, since he can’t sleep anyway. He still has all of his contracts, going back to the beginning. He’s well set for the future, Joe wouldn’t be able to take back any of the gifts he’s given. He could leave.
He could leave.
It’s a thought that has been niggling at the back of his mind for a while now, pushed to the front in the dark of the night. Andy and Quynh would let him stay with them for a while until he could find a place. Trevor had mentioned a job opportunity. Booker knows people, he might help, even though he’s technically Joe’s friend.
Nicky thinks about the things he need, rolling to grab his phone and see if there are any Ubers he could call at this time of night.
Light fingers brush against his arm and wrap lightly around his wrist. “Nicolò?” Joe asks, his voice raspy with sleep, and Nicky’s heart clenches.
“I’m sorry, Yusuf, go back to sleep.” Nicky sets his phone back on his nightstand and lays down, allowing Joe to wrap around him like an octopus, his nose buried in the back of Nicky’s neck. Joe takes a deep breath, like he’s unconsciously trying to memorize Nicky’s scent, and Nicky blinks back tears. A tender moment, sure to be forgotten in the morning, back to the regular routine of Nicky on the sidelines of Joe’s life until he’s needed.
***
In the past three days, Nicky has managed to slowly find and hide almost all of the gifts he’s been given over the years into the trunk of the first car Joe had given him. It makes more sense than the uber he was deliriously going to call in the middle of the night, and Joe never bothers with Nicky’s cars anyways. He’s nearly ready to leave, he just needs to find the perfect time.
“Hm, that smells delicious,” Joe says, nuzzling Nicky’s neck as he wraps his arms around Nicky’s waist, careful of the hot stove Nicky’s cooking on.
“It’s just bolonase,” Nicky replies distractedly, bringing a spoon to his lips to taste the sauce.
“I wasn’t talking about the sauce,” Joe whispers in his ear before biting it lightly.
“Joe,” he manages to gasp out, before Joe turns off the stove and turns Nicky to face him, capturing his lips in a heated kiss. Nicky moans, melting into it as he always does. Joe’s lips are a drug that he can never say no to, and he deepens the kiss without a second thought. One of Joe’s hands slips down the back of his pajama pants, pushing them down before cupping Nicky’s ass roughly and making him gasp. He bites Joe’s lip in retaliation and gets hoisted halfway up the counter for this.
The edge digs into his ass but Nicky doesn’t care, hands reaching between them to undo Joe’s trousers, the zippers rasp drowned out by the sounds of their panting and the slick noises of lips moving frantically together. Joe’s trousers and pants slide noiselessly to the floor, his cock popping free. Nicky grabs it, loving the weight of it in his hand, stroking Joe to further hardness, his head falling to Joe’s shoulder while Joe fumbles for the lube they keep in one of the drawers. He breathes in the scent of Joe’s musk and hair products, mixed with the sterile smell of the hospital, before biting gently and earning a thrust into his hand.
Joe groans.“Fuck, I can’t wait to be inside you.”
“Then get inside me,” Nicky whispers back.
The slam of a drawer, the pop of a cap, then finally a lubed finger is pressing against his hole. Nicky begs for more, but Joe teases with just the one, pushing it deep and running his thumb along the rim of Nicky’s hole.
“You want more, baby, huh? Like my thick cock?”
“Fuck, yes, please, Sir, I need more!”
Joe hums, pulling his finger out and pressing two at his entrance. “Only good boys get more. Are you a good boy?”
Nicky laughs, “Well, I was making you dinner before you interrupted- oh.” He sighs as the two fingers are pressed in, immediately going for his prostate and making his cock jump.
“And it smells delicious,” Joe murmurs into his neck before running his nose along it, making Nicky shiver. “I suppose that is good enough for more.”
He bites the sensitive spot on Nicky’s neck as he presses three fingers inside, making Nicky moan, his whole body electric with the dual feelings. He tugs Joe’s curls until they’re face to face, pulling him into a sloppy kiss as Joe fingers him open, his surgeon’s fingers precise with the knowledge that comes with being partners for so long. It’s only minutes later that Nicky is begging to be fucked and Joe finally obliges, sliding his fingers out and lubing his cock.
Nicky sighs at the feeling, so full, and he can’t help but remember the days when this was enough, when it was easy. His mind flashes to days of laughing together, the way the morning sun looks in Joe’s hair, Joe hand feeding him on a picnic, soft kisses waking him up, so many sweet memories that he has to choke back a sob, hiding it with another kiss, this one harder, as if he’s trying to pour all those memories back into Joe.
Joe, who meets the kiss with equal ferocity, lifts Nicky off the counter and allows gravity to take over, fully seating his cock inside Nicky. “Fuuuuuck,” he pants, adjusting his hands so they’re tightly gripping Nicky’s ass, holding him steady.
Nicky just moans in agreement, wrapping his arms around Joe’s neck and pressing their foreheads together. With their height difference, he’s only slightly higher than Joe like this, so it’s not too uncomfortable, and he’s able to look into those warm brown eyes as Joe starts to slowly lift him, using his body as he wants, the way Nicky likes.
“You’re so beautiful,” Joe whispers in the humid air between them. “Your eyes like whirlpools, waiting to pull me to the bottom, your lips the delicate red rose, your neck…” He whispers poetry into life as they slowly fuck, and tears leak from Nicky’s eyes, mixing with the sweat from his temples, until he can’t stand the sweet words any longer. He brushes a kiss over Joe’s lips, pausing the sweet nothings that float around him.
“Yusuf.”
“Yes, my love?” My love, like he doesn’t use those words only when they fuck.
“Fuck me like you mean it.” Fuck me like you really love me.
Joe picks up the pace, fucking into him harder, his arms straining with Nicky’s weight, their bodies slapping together obscenely in the echo of the open kitchen. Joe shuffles two steps to the counter and sets Nicky down, his ass at the edge, and begins to fuck him roughly, his head dipping down to bite and suck at Nicky’s nipples, which he knows will make Nicky clench up tighter around him. Nicky whines, his fingers digging into those thick curls, his hole so tight that Joe feels even bigger inside him.
“Fuck, yes, please,” he pants, “right there- oh my god yes,” he cries out when one of Joe’s hands circles his cock. It only takes three strokes before he’s coming all over his stomach, and Joe thrusts wildly before coming inside him. It takes a minute for Nicky to catch his breath, and the edge of the counter to be more painful than it’s worth, before he straightens up, feeling Joe slip out of him as he slides down from the counter. He pulls him close, kissing softly, and Joe returns the sweetness, his hands caressing Nicky’s sides.
“I love you,” he says against Joe’s, knowing what will come next.
Joe smiles, kissing him once more, hand coming up to caress Nicky’s face. He doesn’t say it back. He never says it back.
***
Sometimes, when Nicky is feeling particularly petty or lonely, he’ll ignore Joe. Maybe it’s a way to feel like he has a modicum of control, but truthfully, Nicky knows where he stands. Their entire relationship started with Joe in control, and Nicky happily giving over to it. It will never change, not unless Nicky takes back what he once so willingly gave.
It’s been a week since that night in the kitchen and they’ve barely spoken since. Joe is rarely home at a decent time, either working late or at some sort of mixer that Nicky wasn’t invited to. Nicky works at the prestigious school he’s sure Joe pulled strings to get him in at, then comes home to an empty house. It’s lonely and Nicky knows nothing is going to change. It’s time.
He gathers the last of his things, the clothes he wants to keep, nothing fancy, too different from his own tastes, and packs them into a suitcase, as well as his toiletries. It’s only once everything is loaded into his car and he’s doing one last sweep of the house that the finality of everything hits him.
He’s leaving Joe.
He doesn’t want to, he loves him so completely and wholly, but Joe… Joe doesn’t love him, not in the same way. Nicky deserves more than gifts and a fuck. He reminds himself of that fact over and over again as he writes a note, leaving it on the counter for Joe to see.
Nicky deserves more and he’s going to go looking for someone who can give that to him. It’s time to go.
He sets the alarm for the house, locking the door and leaving the key in the garage. The garage door controller is left inside as well, slid inside after Nicky exits. It feels like it should be raining, he thinks dully as he gets back into his car and heads down the driveway. The moon shines full and bright overhead, lighting his path. Maybe it’s a good sign.
He passes Joe’s car on the way out, sees Joe’s wave and doesn’t return it. His phone starts to ring almost immediately, but he doesn’t answer. He doesn’t look back.