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It started off small, imperceptible enough for Caitlyn to brush it off as one of Vi’s little quirks.
A twitch of her head here, a small squeak in the back of her throat there — not enough to be mentionable, really.
Little did Caitlyn know, Vi’d been hiding her tics on purpose, disguising them as something more mellow.
She’s always been embarrassed of them, ever since they manifested when she was younger — back then they had been much more noticeable, her most common being jerking her head back until she almost fell over.
That one might have resulted in quite a few bumps to her head when she was sitting too close to the wall.
Vi knew it wasn’t healthy for her to suppress them — but what was she supposed to do? All her life she’d gotten pitied or strange looks from people, and she never wanted to see the expression her girlfriend would make if she ever found out.
How do you explain to someone the horrible feeling of being uncontrolled in your own body? Forced to move in strange and embarrassing ways, just because there was a strange itch in your mind — a switch that always turned on no matter how many times you tried to slam it down.
But lately, work had been stressing Vi out, and stress was the quickest way for her tics to become worse, even unmanageable at times.
She could no longer hide them, and had to redirect them into something that would have even a sliver of a chance of being overlooked.
At work, she dealt with her head twitching tics by masking them as cracking her neck. Her strange squeaking — which had evolved into a hiccuping sort of sound — was harder to brush off, but thankfully most people chalked it up to a strained inhale.
When Vi went home though, it was much more difficult. Caitlyn had always been perceptive to Vi and her moods after the war, her vigilance and concern only doubling.
Which led Vi to the situation she was in currently: her neck twitching so violently that she almost slammed her head into the kitchen cabinet.
She and Caitlyn were currently making dinner together, her girlfriend dutifully adding seasonings to a pot of soup, while Vi methodically chopped up vegetables on the cutting board.
Caitlyn gave her a concerned glance, pausing to turn towards Vi.
“Are you alright?” She asked, eyes tracing over Vi’s face — looking for any injuries or anything out of place.
Caitlyn always did what Vi affectionately dubbed her ‘detective scanning’ whenever something was slightly off, her mind making her want to poke at it, until she found the answer.
Vi tensed her neck as she shoved down another jerk, the urge bubbling under her skin, making her restless.
“I’m fine, Cupcake. Just a sore muscle.” She waved off Caitlyn’s concern — knowing that her girlfriend would almost definitely not buy that answer, but hopefully it tempered her concern for now.
Caitlyn frowned, but turned back to the pot with a small nod. “Alright Vi, if you say so.”
Vi knew from her tone there would absolutely be more questioning later. She groaned inwardly at the thought.
They got through the rest of dinner with no more interruptions, Vi’s tics thankfully slinking back to give her a blissful break.
But from the itch in her mind, she knew they would return for revenge later for her suppression.
———————————————————————
Vi had been correct, much to her annoyance.
She was lying in bed, Caitlyn peacefully asleep beside her. Vi felt like a truck had hit her.
Her eyes were bleary with exhaustion, the itch under her skin keeping her awake. She knew that it must be ramping up, building into a full fledged attack.
Vi didn’t want to wake Caitlyn with her thrashing, so she slowly slid down the side of the bed, holding her knees as she rested her head back on the edge of the mattress.
There was a slow, creeping feeling of tension spreading through her muscles, and she dug her fingernails into her knees.
Then it started.
The first twitch of her neck sent her head flying back, and Vi was grateful she sat with her head facing away from the mattress, so her skull rammed into the soft material instead of sending her towards the wooden floorboards.
Hiccuping inhales ripped from her chest, Vi slamming a hand over her mouth to muffle the awful noise it made. Her leg kicked out, catching the edge of the nightstand — Vi groaning at the ache that spread through her foot from the impact.
Vi could barely think through the onslaught, her mind filled with fuzzy static as her body jerked, her staggered inhales making her lose enough oxygen that she almost felt lightheaded.
She just barely made out the shift of the mattress, Caitlyn starting to stir.
Vi didn’t want her girlfriend to see her like this — body twitching like a shimmer addict. Her head slammed back again, and she heard Caitlyn let out a small gasp as she woke.
Midnight blue invaded her vision as Caitlyn slid off the bed to crouch in front of her, eyes swimming with alarm.
“Vi? What’s happening?” She asked, voice tinged with panic as her hands hovered over Vi, as if she was afraid to touch her.
“I— it’s o—kay, ‘m fine,” Vi grunted through her jerky breaths, lungs burning in protest as her throat pushed out another hiccuping squeak.
Caitlyn dug through her mind for any explanation for Vi’s sudden explosion of movement, her eyes widening as she recalled a special case she worked on a few years ago — a client who had ‘tics’.
Her girlfriend’s gaze softened, hand reaching out to pry Vi’s hand away from her knee. Vi hadn’t even noticed her nails had been digging into the skin, most likely leaving crescent marks behind.
Caitlyn quickly shoved a pillow from the bed into her hand, Vi’s fingers immediately clamping over it, muscles tight.
“It’s okay Vi, just let it out. You’re doing so well darling.” Caitlyn’s voice was soothing, a balm over Vi’s fuzzy panic. Her head continued to jerk back, cushioning from the mattress — her inhales slowly relaxing into something less violently, more of a small whine.
After what felt like hours (but was more like a few minutes more), Vi’s twitching started to die down, her neck no longer violently flinging backwards, jerking only slightly now.
Then even that subsided, and Vi collapsed into Caitlyn’s waiting arms, fully exhausted. A comforting hand rubbed along her spine, her girlfriend’s warm breath against her neck.
“‘m sorry.” Vi mumbled into Caitlyn’s shoulder, feeling shame and relief mixing together in her gut. She always felt better after releasing all the built up tension, but felt ashamed of her inability to control herself during the episodes.
Caitlyn pulled back to gaze into her eyes, expression soft. “Whatever for, dear?”
Vi had to shove down the urge to cry, blinking away the sudden sting. She felt vulnerable in the aftermath.
“For being — weird, for you having to see me that way.” Vi croaked out, throat slightly raw from the noises ripped from her.
Caitlyn’s eyebrows furrowed, her hand coming up to cup Vi’s face, thumb brushing across her cheekbone.
“Hey now— none of that love,” She chided gently, “It’s not something you can control, and it’s certainly not weird. Sure, maybe it’s not traditionally ‘normal’, but we both know being normal is overrated anyways.” Caitlyn joked, voice still gentle as she pressed a small kiss on Vi’s forehead.
“Well— still.” Vi protested weakly, even if she knew Caitlyn was right.
“How long has this been going on for?” Caitlyn asked, back to her detective mode. It made the corner of Vi’s mouth twitch, a hint of a smile.
“Since I was little, probably around 11?” Vi recounted, remembering the rush of fear when she first moved completely involuntarily.
Caitlyn frowned, her concerned look back. “So you’ve been hiding this from me?” Vi had to hold back a flinch.
Her girlfriend softened again after seeing Vi’s reaction, rephrasing her words. “That came out wrong— why have you been suppressing yourself around me, darling?” She asked, thumb still brushing over her cheek.
Vi felt her cheeks flush, shame and guilt bubbling up in her stomach.
“Well— it’s… embarrassing. And I didn’t want you to pity me.” Vi’s voice was low, eyes averted from Caitlyn’s gaze.
“Vi, I would never pity you.” Caitlyn’s tone was firm, making Vi’s gaze snap back to hers. “Sure, I’ll naturally have concern for you, seeing as you are my girlfriend,” Vi held back a smile, “But you know I only want to take care of you.”
Vi grumbled, hiding her face away in Caitlyn’s shoulder again. “I know, I know.” She husked out. “I’m sorry for hiding it from you.”
She could almost hear Caitlyn’s smile in her voice when she replied. “Thank you, Vi. Now— you have no reason to suppress yourself from me, we all know how that will turn out now, don’t we?”
Vi nodded.
“Good. If you ever feel like this might happen again, tell me, okay? I’ll be there to make sure you don’t get hurt.” Vi suddenly felt a rush of gratitude for her girlfriend. She was dumb for not trusting her — of course Caitlyn wouldn’t pity her, wouldn’t see her as lesser for something she couldn’t control.
“Thank you.” Vi said softly, her hands wrapping around Caitlyn, clinging.
“Of course, my love.” She replied. After a few moments, Caitlyn tugged Vi to her feet, gently pressing her back into the bed, sliding under the sheets with her once more.
Vi felt fully spent, content to just cuddle into her girlfriend’s side, ear to her heartbeat as they both drifted off to sleep.