Work Text:
“You can’t do this!” the raven-haired young woman objects. “It’s too risky!”
Usually, there are no faults in her thought process. No loopholes in the arguments. Pure reason. I rarely have something to counter with. This time though, we have limited options and I am our best shot. She knows that too, of course. Concern for me is clouding her judgement. It is throwing me off balance. I don’t like it.
“Listen to me for once, Diago!” Aequa calls out to me. “Please!”
Vek.
It has been a few months since she found out who I am. We’ve had a thorny road since then. Despite that, Aequa has proven to be a trusted ally regardless of everything that my real identity entailed. It is not the first time we are arguing. Our ways are polar opposites. My recklessness to her levelheadedness. Nonetheless, we’ve both adapted. Learned to solve the issues the Hierarchy and Anguis throw at us in a peculiar tandem.
Yet she has never used my real name. Vis, Catenicus or other titles. Anything but Diago. Never Diago.
It was a relief at first. Easier that way. Then I’ve found myself longing for it, also dreading it. I was good at denying it.
Until now.
I can’t have this. Not today. Not now, when I am hanging by a broken thread already. My walls must be up, separating us. A grim reminder we belong in different worlds.
“Don’t!” I snap way too fast. “Don’t call me that.”
Aequa frowns. Blue eyes shining with fury.
“Well it looks like you are in desperate need of a reminder. About who you are, where you stand and all the consequences of it.” She does not budge. “It’s only us here anyway. So I am going to call you what I want as much as I please!”
Rotting gods, this stubborn woman.
“That’s—” I pause, rub my face, then breathe out.
“That’s what, Diago?” Aequa interrupts, arms crossed at her chest.
I take a step closer wishing she would notice at least a fraction of the raging storm inside me. Shaken, I run my hand through my hair.
I break.
“Because it’s deadly poison! Vek!” I burst out. “That’s what!”
Once I start, I am unable to stop.
“The sweetest, most delicious kind. The one that gets to you without any notice. Slowly, drop by drop. It finds a way into your skin, your bones, your blood and finally - your very own heart.”
My words are but a weak whisper now. Restless heart beating drums in my ears. It is quiet here, so I am sure she hears everything.
“I have my weaknesses, Aequa. And I am already at my limits today. So I beg you…”
Aequa’s gaze is focused on me like I am a riddle to be solved. I see hesitation in her eyes. Surprised or uncertain?
“Dia—” she starts, voice small, nevertheless it is enough. More than enough.
Rotting gods, I do not want to hear any more of it. It is torture. I need this pretty mouth sealed, hidden behind a thousand labyrinths, away and unreachable. Desperate, I end up taking measures in my own hands. I act before I think.
I kiss her.
Hard.
Harder than I’ve intended. Assuming there are any crumbs of self-control left in my mind to imply any possibility of an intent. My hand is holding the back of her head, midnight hair laced between my fingers. I feel a silent gasp against my mouth. For a split second I expect a slap, a curse, a shove, anything.
None of which happens when she grasps my tunic pulling me closer. That treacherous mouth is anything but sealed as she responds to my clumsy advances. It sends shivers of excitement through me. Now that I know the taste of her lips, there is no coming back. This realization scares me, so I break this diabolic kiss.
Neither of us moves away yet. We stay close like this for a moment trying to read each other. I curse my stupid self for making things complicated for her. It turns out Aequa does not seem to mind. I feel her palm moving against my neck as she pulls me back in. Her lips find mine once more. There is no recklessness anymore. No wild rush. It is full of deliberate intent.
Defeated, I leave my hesitation behind and give in. Completely. I pour all of my wretched feelings into the kiss, yearning for them to reach the depths of her soul. My hand slides down to her waist, holding her firmly right where I want her to be. Close, by my side. My fingers are still entangled in silky raven hair like they have found home. I am but a clueless moth stuck in a predator's web.
Both of us get carried away by our petty rivalry game as one tries to match the pace of the other. I deepen the kiss, her mouth soft and inviting. Quite the contrast to Aequa’s demeanour. I am fully bewitched, lost in her. Nothing else matters anymore.
Then a sudden sharp spark of pain snaps me out of it. An involuntary moan escapes my throat and I hope the gods are not too busy with rotting for once, because I need them to heed to my silent prayer and assure me it was not as loud as it sounded to me. I taste iron on my tongue.
We reluctantly part again. Aequa’s pink lips glistening with my blood on them and seductive. Our breaths uneven.
“You think you are the only one?” she asks with bitter notes in the voice.
Not sure of the meaning I wait for her to elaborate. She takes a moment before she does.
“How do you think it feels? To know that every single time you look at me you see the enemy. The ones who took your country, your family, your life. Everything.”
Vek.
Is this how she has felt all this time? After everything we’ve been through? I loathe the Hierarchy with everything I have. Despite this, I’ve come to know that the Hierarchy does not define its people. Aequa and the others are living proof of that.
I am still searching for the right words, when they are already escaping my mouth.
“Aequa, you are not—”
“But I am,” she cuts me off, “an embodiment of everything that you hate.”
Aequa’s bitter smile breaks my heart into a million shards sending them right into my gut. There are no words that could change her mind. Words are cheap. I’d have to prove it. Even so, I need to say it. My voice comes out meek.
“You are better than that. You know that.”
“Unfortunately, heart and reason don’t always go hand in hand,” she replies, but does not object. “I suppose you might know something about it.”
“Right,” I chuckle.
“Weakness, though? Really?” she teases lightly. “You have made a big mistake, Prince of Suus.”
I know. Rotting gods, I know.
Still, at this moment, I don’t care, because Aequa gifts me with a smile worth everything. Her fingers find my check, caressing it, silk against my skin. I wish we could stay like this forever.
Then she leans in whispering right into my ear. “You are not getting away from me now,” she pauses for a second. “Ever.”
Vek.
I feel goosebumps going down my spine.
She is right.
My feelings for Aequa have grown to be completely different from the ones I had experienced before. Those feelings were the simple infatuation of someone who did not exist. Vis’s, not Diago’s. Whatever I feel right now is far too intimate, real. And I was careless to expose this side of me to this cunning young woman. It is a losing game. I have no means to get away, nor the desire to do so. When the time comes, I am going to pay the price.
“Yes,” I sigh in my defeat. There is no point in resistance or denial anymore.
She kisses me one more time instead. It is light, soft and full of care. I let her lead, take whatever she wants. Yet somehow, it feels like she is handing me over her heart on a silver platter. I have no confidence I can treasure it as it deserves. All I can do is present my own heart, praying it will be enough.
So I do.