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Us, as we are (Me, as I am)

Summary:

You are a Hero. That statement feels wrong, no matter how right it is.
You are Steve. That statement feels wrong, no matter how right it is.

Notes:

I started reading throgh the linked fic and had a thought. "What if this but blorbos?" so here we are.

Work Text:


You aren't sure when the names started to feel off, it just sorta... happened.

 

You were minding your own business, farming, when Endy tried to get your attention by shouting your name, but you did not react, because it didn't feel like your name anymore. 

 

Since then, you've been having all sorts of issues. Particularly, ones with your identity. 

 

Your name was Steve. No, it really wasn't. You lived in "the old cube" as people nowadays call it. You didn't, though. You wished every day that the voices of the unmortals in your head would finally shut up. That was a truth your whole self agreed with. You couldn't be Steve. Steve was weak and a coward, someone who had to rely on others to destroy his problems and deal the final blow to-... yourself? The more you think about it, the more your head hurts, so you move on.

 

You were a Hero. No, you were not. You had killed too many to count and laughed about it. You lived in the nether, in the netherite bunker you called your lab. You would never even think of living in that nightmarish realm. You had one mission- to rid the world of evil, and you would do it even if that meant the whole world had to die. You can't even bring yourself to threaten humans anymore, most of the time.

 

At least you didn't have to talk out loud to have a conversation with yourself anymore, didn't have to risk your supernatural friends finding out about your secret. 

 

That you were trapped in this body with no way out- Wait, no. That you were hiding your other self in your psyche? Both of those felt wrong, but a while ago you found out that thinking about contradictions like that just gave you migraines and not answers, so you let it go.

 

You wondered if at any point this confusion would subside, if, at some point, you would become one person again (you can't merge, you can't let yourself absorb all that evil./If you merged, you would be at full power and could easily fulfill your plan) or if, after all of this was over, you would split and hopefully never see each oth- yourself again.

 

You were not sure what option would be better. Both of your factions seemed to agree on this. 

 

Right now, you can't mentally afford to keep thinking about this. If you did, you would probably spiral into an episode of some sort, lose control and let yourself do things that would become disgusting to you after you calmed down.

 

Right now...

 

You needed a drink.