Chapter Text
Tuesday 25th November 2025
11:36 am
Mummer's Island Heritage Museum’s Google Maps reviews
Helen M. writes: ★★★★★What a nice hidden gem!
I ended up on this island by chance, and it couldn't have been a more welcome surprise!
The building seems small from the outside, but it holds the richest collection of fishing supplies, neolithic pottery and telegraph machinery I've ever seen in one place, framed by the most beautiful display of wallpapers and ancient graffiti art I've encountered in my life, and I travel a lot.
The guide was hilarious and incredibly prepared to answer this old woman's crazy questions. Did you know that the museum carries the only reindeer statue ever carved from actual meteorite stone? The artist, Chaz Watford, was a Mummer's Island native who found this piece of literal moonstone in a Welsh forest when he was only 19, and he’s said to have gone insane 30 years later after finishing his masterpiece, which is currently valued at £2 millions!!!
If you're in the area, do yourself a favour! Come visit and ask for Simon Snow, you won't regret it.
11:38 am
Mummer's Island Heritage Museum's break room
baz bitch
I didn't think you'd stoop so low, Snow.
me
idk what u r talking about
baz bitch
Bribing old women into writing a four paragraph review featuring your full name?
I didn't expect such lowly behaviour, not even from you.
me
piss off
i’m just good
old ladies like that i make them laugh
instead of naming 73 dead artists in a snooty tone as if they r going to remember who painted the upper left corner of the yellow gallery
they care abt the juicy details
baz bitch
Details which you shouldn't be divulging so blatantly.
Especially not when Minos is on paternity leave and Shit-Richards refuses to hire someone to cover the night security shift.
me
it's not like this stuff isn't on the internet
why are u texting me anyway
i’m literally here
baz bitch
I need my voice for my job, Snow. I won't waste air to entertain useless conversations with you.
me
wtf is ur problem
u started it
baz bitch
Tell that to Helen M. when the next scam she falls for isn't so apparently innocent as your review machinations.
me
fuck off
any news about that other thing btw?
baz bitch
Not yet. It seems like Shit-Richards and his puppeteer made sure to cover all their bases. And we don't have any hard proof.
me
if youd stop being so lawfully good and let me break into his office………
baz bitch
Excuse me.
me
i know u agree with me
baz bitch
Of course I do, Snow. What I don't agree with are your Nancy Drew methods.
me
who's nancy drew
stop typing baz
i dont actually care
i just want to kick ssr in the bollocks
baz bitch
Don't we all, Snow. Don't we all.
3:45 pm
Mummer's Island Heritage Museum's welcome area
the Book
25/11/2025
Wow! Excellent introduction to the early settlements on Mummer's Island and to how the fishing industry managed to delay the industrialisation of this county.
Thanks to Tyrannosaurus Pitch for being so exhaustive in his explanations. I hope you get paid well ;)
Beth Allen, from London
3:47 pm
Mummer's Island Heritage Museum's break room
Simon Snow (work)
maybe ppl write me better reviews bc theyre not too busy trying 2 remember my name
Me
Snow, go home.
I'll lock up.
5:26 pm
Mummer's Island Facebook page
To the attention of all residents: due to the storm forecast for tonight, the ferry line will be interrupted until morning.
Please remain home unless strictly necessary.
11:13 pm
White Chapel’s police station
detective chief inspector Agatha Wellbelove’s office
25/11/25, 11:11pm
Suspicious activity detected on Mummer's Island Heritage Museum back door security cameras. Alarm was triggered but deactivated within 30 seconds. Impossible to check due to storm, but send team in the morning.
PC Stainton, Mummer's Island
11:52 pm
White Chapel
Simon Snow's front door
Detective Chief Inspector Agatha Wellbelove has been banging on the door for five minutes.
She's soaked to her bones, courtesy of her stupid ex boyfriend's broken intercom and lack of any covered areas in his yard.
She shouldn't be here, not before she's checked if there's even anything to be worrying about. This is what her father keeps telling her. That she cares too much. That she won't be able to have a successful career and a life, the way he did, if she keeps getting so involved.
Agatha wants to tell him that she won't be able to have a successful career and a life the way her father did because she's not a man, but one thing at a time. They're still working through the aftermath of her breaking up with her secondary school boyfriend to stop dating altogether, and it's been ten years.
Agatha bangs her head against the door, too.
“Simon, for fuck's sake. It's pouring buckets, and I think someone broke into the museum.”
She can't help the thrill that her own words send down her spine. She shouldn't be happy about a possible theft. She shouldn't be happy about any crimes, she's a police officer.
But it's been a year since she got her promotion, and the other topic of discussion at every Sunday lunch is how the first year in any role of command is capable of making or breaking you.
And nothing ever happens in White Chapel. Even less happens on Mummer's Island. Nothing that can break Agatha. Nothing that can make her, either.
So what if…
“Simon, let me in immediately!”
It takes her an embarrassing long minute to realise that Simon might not be home at all.
Is Simon home? Or is he not?
The choice is yours!