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“Ughhh!” Finn complained as his overly large body was sprawled across a much smaller couch. Kurt just laughed and made the TV louder.
“This is what you get Finn,” Kurt shook his head at his stepbrother. He too was sprawled across a piece of furniture. He’d come home from Dalton earlier that day and he was still in his uniform but it wasn’t as pristine as when he’d arrived. His tie was loosened around his neck and his blazer was undone. Finn silently acknowledged how far the pair had come for Kurt to be comfortable looking as he did in front of Finn.
“Shut up Kurt! Man, you’re so lucky you’re gay!” Kurt raised an eyebrow.
“Okay this I have to hear. What exactly are your grounds behind such an accusation?” Kurt leaned back against the Lay Z Boy chair he was reclining in and crossed his arms.
“Ugh dude, don’t me think....I’m in so much pain. Just use plain English.”
“Finn,” Kurt said slowly like he was talking to a dim child. “Why do you think I’m so lucky because I’m gay? Did you forget why I’m in a Dalton uniform at the moment? Why I’m busting my ass off for a chemistry test at the moment when I took it last semester? ”
“No!” Finn hissed. “I’m just saying that gay people can’t get another guy.....you know.....Prego and they can’t get mono.”
“Well you were right up until the second point, that’s a start I guess.” Finn shot up suddenly and then held his head from the sudden head rush.
“WAIT WHAT? Dude, Mono is contagious! BACK AWAY! IT’S A DISEASE, I HAVE A DISEASE!” Finn pulled his shirt over his mouth.
Kurt laughed. “Yes I know what mono is Finn but it’s not like I’m going to kiss you.” Kurt reached for his water bottle on the coffee table and took a sip.
“Uh dude-“
“Hold on a second Finn.” Kurt took a large swig of water and licked his lips. “I was so parched.” He sighed and then fixed a look at his bigger step brother. “Now, who gave you the ridiculous idea that I can’t get mono? It was Puck wasn’t it? Oh, of course it was. Who else could it have been? You need to stop listening to him Finn.”
“Uh, Kurt-“
“Hold on, I’m not done yet! It’s this kind of ignorant stigma that’s causing homophobia in the world today! You’re putting gay people on a different level from others. We are made from the same chromosomes Finn. It’s not like you’re Lilo and I’m Stitch.” He rolled his eyes at that.
“Ya totally dude but-.“
“And I’d hope I’d shaken that ignorance out of you by now but apparently I was wrong! Sorry, what is it you wanted to say?” Kurt snapped.
“Can you get mono from drinking from my water bottle?”
“Yes Finn but it’s fine because I bought you that special mug and-“ Finn shook his head urgently and interrupted Kurt.
“Cause if so, you just did...oops.” Kurt dropped the water bottle like it had bitten him. Water splashed all over the carpet like a car running over a large puddle in the rain.
“WHAT!?”
“I cannot believe you didn’t use the skull mug I specifically bought for you!” Kurt had gone to Crate and Barrel and bought a black mug with a skull and cross bones on it for Finn to use while he was infected with mono. He was supposed to drink all his liquids in that mug so no one would accidently share his germs.
Finn shrugged and flipped more channels. “Oops, but dude I didn’t tell you to drink from my water bottle.”
“Well excuse me for thinking you’d follow my order! And you didn’t stop my either.”
“I tried!” Finn threw his hands up in the air. “Ugh, nothing’s on!”
“Ya because it’s 1:00 in the afternoon on a weekday. Right now I’d take mindless cartoons over this garbage.” Kurt gestured to the screen where an awful sequel to a semi-popular movie was showing.
“Hey, I like this movie!” Finn said, his eyes glued to the TV.
Kurt snorted. “Of course you would, but it’s mindless garbage I tell you.” He wrapped a scarf around his neck. “UH! My throat hurts. I need more honey.” Kurt took his personalized ruby red skull mug (also from Crate and Barrel) and added a dollop of honey. He stirred it with a plastic spoon and then disposed of it. Carol has made the boys set up camp in the living room to contain the disease. They brought down the mini fridge from Finn’s room, took a bunch of blankets out of the linen closet, and stored a handful of garbage bags around the room.
“I’m really tired.” Finn put his head on Kurt’s shoulders but Kurt shrugged him off.
“I’m sitting here at home with you when I should be at Dalton studying for my chemistry test. There is no way in hell you’re using my shoulder as a head rest after that!”
“Oh c’mon Kurtie!” Finn pleaded. He sent Kurt his best puppy dog eyes.
“Shut up Finn!” Kurt looked away to hide his smile.
“What, do you prefer dolphin?” Finn smirked. That whipped Kurt’s head right around, which was Finn’s intention. He could be quite crafty when he was cooped up in his house for days. He knew calling Kurt Brittany’s designated nickname would cause him to retort.
“Giant,” Kurt retorted. “Frankenteen!” Kurt sat up on his knees and pointed his finger at Finn’s chest.
“Oh my Gaga!”
“Once! I said that ONCE!” Kurt held up one finger in Finn’s face. “ONCE!” His tea sloshed dangerous around his mug, threatening to spill onto the couch.
“Dude, quit shouting I have a bad headache!” Kurt threw a pillow at Finn’s head. “Ow! Dude, that doesn’t help!”
“Oh really? Shocker!” Kurt said sarcastically. “Well, I guess I’m not becoming a doctor then.”
“I thought you wanted to be on Broadway?”
“That was sarcasm Finn.”
“Oh,” Finn said. “OW!” Kurt had bopped him with a pillow again.
“My glands are so swollen.” Kurt said as he examined himself in a hall mirror.
“Well duh. That’s what happens when you have mono.” Finn said coming up behind him. He was holding his Xbox in one of his arms and a bunch of games in the other.
“Thanks Dr. WebMD.” Kurt said with an eye roll. He looked up at his stepbrother and gawked. “What are you wearing?” He asked. Finn was wearing a red McKinley Titans shirt with bright green sweat pants. “You look like Christmas and-,” Kurt then felt a familiar jolt in his throat and he ran for the nearest garbage can.
“Really man? Now you’re just being dramatic. My outfit isn’t that bad.”
When Kurt finished puking he looked up at Finn with bleary eyes. “Yes Finn, it is.”
“Well, I’m still too sick to do laundry-“
Kurt scoffed. “You’ve never done laundry!”
“Ya but duuuudddeee,” Finn stretched out the word longer then it needed to be. “Burt’s at the shop and my mom’s busy at the hospital so unless you want to-“
“No. I’m not touching your boxers ever again!”
“Oh c’mon dude. I haven’t had you-know-what in weeks so there’s nothing to worry about this time.”
“Uh-hu. Still not doing it.”
“C’mon dude. I’m sick!”
“Oh what a coincidence. I’m sick now too thanks to you-know-who” Finn opened his mouth but Kurt pushed his finger into Finn’s chest. “And don’t you dare say Voldemort or I’ll cut you.”
“You’re bitter when you’re sick. Your dad forgot to mention that.”
“Shut up now Finn.”
“Who put bitch pills in your tea this morning?”
“Finn,” Kurt took in a deep breath as if this conversation was exhausting him. “If you know what’s good for you you’ll shut up now!” Kurt sent his brother a menacing glare that was so scary it would have the all mighty Puck-a- saurus shaking at the knees.
“Okay,” Finn squeaked. “I-I’m going to go set up my Xbox. Me and Puck will be playing online.” He descended the stairs, taking two at a time.
“Good.” Kurt held two fingers to his temples. “Oh help me Gaga. I’m going to kill his football playing ass into the next county if he keeps this up.”
“Kurt, you need to eat!”
“Ung.”
“Was that even English?”
“Hmjssj.” Was Kurt’s intelligent reply.
“C’mon, you’re like a stick.” Finn poked Kurt’s side but all that achieved was making Kurt draw the blankets up higher so it covered his head.
Since Finn had gotten mono before Kurt, his symptoms were already lessening when Kurt’s had reached its full peak.
Finn placed the bowl of soup on the coffee table and stirred it with a plastic spoon. “You know, I would’ve thought you’d want to get better sooner since you can’t see Blaine until you’re feeling better again.”
“Ugh, you had to play the Blaine card didn’t you?” Kurt propped himself up on the pillows with his elbows. His hair was messed up because of the static in the blankets but Finn didn’t dare point that out. Finn liked his head positioned where it was thank you very much.
“That’s what brothers are for. Open up,” Finn hand fed Kurt some soup and the smaller boy made a face.
“It tastes like liquid cardboard.” Kurt made a disgusted face and held his hand in front of his mouth like a delicate society girl with the hiccups.
“Hey, my cooking isn’t that bad!” Kurt rolled his eyes and lowered the hand covering his mouth. His hunger had overtaken his need to tease Finn.
“No comment.” Kurt opened his mouth for another spoonful, which Finn gleefully gave him.
“Let’s get some meat on those bones!” Finn said cheerfully. “You’re skinnier then Santana dude, and she has, like, 10% body fat.”
“I can still kick you in the balls.” Kurt said defiantly. “I was a kicker for the Titans, and a pretty good one, need I remind you Mr. Quarterback?”
Finn closed his legs. “Ya, let’s try to avoid that.”
“Ugh!” Kurt smacked his laptop. “Our wifi is sooo slow! HURRY UP!”
“Hey, the doctor said not to do anything stressful or you’ll have a relapse.” Finn cautioned. He put his phone on sleep mode and turned to give Kurt his full attention.
“A relapse can only happen after I’m well again.” Kurt glanced at the screen again. “Ah, finally now-OH GREAT! It froze! Why does it keep doing this? Doesn’t it know I’m on a deadline?”
“Clearly not.”
“Thank you Finn.” Finn figured that wasn’t a compliment despite how it sounded.
“What are you trying to do?” Finn asked as he leant over Kurt’s shoulder to see the screen.
“What does it look like I’m doing?”
“It looks like you’re trying get grey hairs before your dad does.” Kurt let out an exasperated sigh.
“I’m trying to hand in my English paper if only this stupid thing would-oh, thank goodness!” Kurt slowly moved his mouse and clicked. “Done! My English paper is officially handed in!” He leaned back against the couch and sighed. “Now all I need to do is study for chemistry and finish my math homework and then I’m all done!” Kurt made to get up off the couch but has to steady himself with a chair due to a head rush
“Uh no dude. That’ll definitely stress you out! You’re sick; it’s cool to take a break from school. That’s why people fake it, because it’s nice to stay home. Man, you are messed up!” Finn grabbed Kurt’s shoulders and pushed him down.
“Get your meaty paws off of me.” Kurt slapped Finn’s hands away from his shoulders. Finn released him but sat down right in front of Kurt on the coffee table so the slighter boy couldn’t escape.
“Okay, I’ll let you go....as long as you promise to take it easy.” Finn said.
Kurt crossed his arms to show defiance. “Fine, I’ll take it easy. My definition of easy is studying. It’s relaxing.” Kurt reached into his satchel for a textbook but Finn grabbed his bag and held it above his head.
“My definition of easy, Kurt, means no schoolwork, no studying, and no stressing. Your teachers will understand.” Kurt opened his mouth but Finn didn’t give him the opportunity to speak. “And if they do have issues, I’m sure Burt has a blowtorch around here somewhere.”
“Shotgun,” Kurt corrected.
“He can use both!”
“Is this what it’s like to make a deal with the devil?” Kurt rolled his eyes.
“Was the sarcasm again?”
“A little.”
“Hey, if you’re an atheist do you still believe in the devil?” Finn questioned.
“Go away Finn.” Kurt pushed Finn aside and started to walk away until he realized he still didn’t have his satchel.
“But-“ Kurt made a shushing motion with his hand and held out his other for the satchel Finn still possessed.
“NOW!” Kurt ordered, his veins throbbing,
“Sheesh.” Finn handed the satchel over, self preservation overtaking common sense. Kurt sent Finn a tight smile as he began unloading the contents from the bag and disposing them onto the coffee table.
“Good choice,” Kurt muttered as he opened his math textbook.
“Ya, I like my head where it is.” Finn said in his head and he sat down on the couch and turned the tv on low.
“Kurt, where are you going?” Finn reached above Kurt to close the door before the smaller boy could escape.
“Finn.” Kurt said breathlessly. “I-I think a little fresh air will do me some good.”
“Some Lima air or some Westerville air?” Finn asked, raising an eyebrow to mimic the practically patented Kurt’s bitch glare. He didn’t do it as well as Kurt did but it got the message across.
“Uh-“ Finn crossed his arms over his well-defined chest (hidden under a tee-shirt) and Kurt knew he was caught so he switched tactics. “You know what? You’re too smart for me.”
Finn was taken aback. “Really?”
“Yup, you’ve got me. You caught me red-handed. I was on my way to see Blaine, you were right. You have very good instincts Finn.”
“Well, thank you...I guess.”
“It was a compliment.”
“Oh,” Finn beamed. “Thanks!”
“I’m really am feeling much better though so maybe some laundry will suffice in keeping me entertained. Do you want any of yours done too?”
As Kurt retreated to the laundry room Finn shouted, “Nice try Kurt but I’m not an idiot.”
“I don’t know what-?“
“Oh come off it Kurt. Did you really think I didn’t know that the laundry room connects to the garage? Please, what do you take me for?”
“Do you want an honest answer?” Kurt mumbled under his breath.
“Besides, it looks like you’re about to kneel over. Take a seat on the couch and I’ll make you some chicken noodle soup. Puck says its like Jewish penicillin.”
“But Finn-“
“Sit!” Finn pointed to the couch in the living room and Kurt slumped, for once.
“I bet you don’t even know what penicillin is!”
“I DON’T WANNA HEAR ANOTHER WORD OUT OF YOU!” Finn shouted in a half serious-half joking manner.
“I see Rachel’s finally rubbing off on you.” He shot back as he sat down on the couch, under Finn’s watchful eye.
“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Finn smiled.
“Whatever floats your boat Finn,” Kurt shrugged.
“Did someone slip you bitch pills again?” Finn asked, recalling their previous conversation.
“Oh ya, that’s original.” Kurt replied sarcastically.
Finn’s phone dinged and Kurt picked it up from where it was resting on the coffee table. Finn’s chuckle ceased immediately.
“NO KURT!” He ran back to the couch and began to reach over Kurt to yank his phone away before Kurt could read it, but he was too late.
“Snugglemuffin? That’s Rachel’s idea of a cute nickname?” Kurt laughed so hard he began to cough. Despite Finn’s anger, he thumped Kurt on the back to make them stop.
“Thanks.” Kurt said. “Snugglemuffin.” He had a wide smile on his face. Finn pushed him away and Kurt toppled over on his side.
“Shut up!” Finn turned around and walked back to the kitchen with his phone in hand.
“Thanks a lot Snugglemuffin!”
“Oh like you and Blaine don’t have endearing nicknames for each other!” Finn yelled once his cell was safely tucked away in his jean pocket.
“Well, I’ve learnt a lot about you in the past couple of days but I must admit, nothing beats Snugglemuffin and Oompa-Loompa. Rachel’s got me beat. ”
“She doesn’t call me Oompa-Loompa!”
“No, I was talking about Rachel.” Kurt cackled. A pan flew over his head and crashed against the wall. “FINN! That’s from my Martha Stewart collection!”
“Oops!” Finn shouted back unapologetically.
“Oh you are SO getting rat poisoning in your warm milk tonight!”
“Do you ever feel like you missed something?” Both boys turned around to see Burt and Carole standing there, holding each other’s hands.
“All the time.” Carole replied, staring directly at Finn. Finn looked at the ground and Kurt just stared at his dad, his jaw wide open.
“So...how was the baseball game?” Finn asked slowly and awkwardly, as even he could feel the tension growing in the room.
“Not as exciting as what was going on here I can tell you that.” Carole said as she undid her coat and hung it up in the closet. “Now, who wants to tell me what happened?”
“HE WILL!” The two stepbrothers said in unison while pointing at each other. Burt rolled his eyes at their antics and sat down on the coach. He took a plastic water bottle off the stand beside him and took a long sip.
“DAD, NO!” Kurt shouted. He dove in his father’s direction and succeeded in knocking the bottle to the floor.
“WHAT?” Burt cried out in surprise. Kurt bit his lip and glanced at Finn who had the same guilty look drawn across his face.
“Get rid of this thing!” Kurt hissed, passing Finn the diseased water bottle. Finn held it at arms length as he disposed of it in the garbage can. “See how easy that was? You couldn’t have done that for me?”
“Oh buzz off Kurt!”
“CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT’S GOING ON?!” Burt shouted, standing up.
“Oh no dad, I think you’ll want to sit down for this.” Kurt pushed his father back down. Finn nodded solemnly in the background.
“I’m sooo sorry dad!” Kurt called from the kitchen as he stirred chicken noodle soup for his father on the stove.
“Ya, you better be!” Burt said before bursting into a coughing fit.
“To be fair, it was Finn’s water bottle.”
“Really dude?” Finn called from the living room. He was playing cards with Burt while Kurt made soup. “You’re throwing me under the bus now?”
“No, more like running you over with a fabulous stretch limo.” Kurt shook his wooden spook in Finn’s direction. “Hey, stop cheating dad, I saw that!”
“Aha!” Finn slammed his cards facedown on the table. “I KNEW YOU WERE CHEATING!”
“Kurt, you’re supposed to be on my side, son!” Burt whined and shook his head good naturally from the living room.
Kurt laughed and turned back to the stove. “Oops, I thought he knew. You’re not exactly subtle dad.” Kurt joked as he added spices to the soup.
And when Carole came home, there were no limited edition Martha Stewart frying pans flying in the air (for once). Instead, she was welcomed home with pizza from the local pizzeria and a coughing fit or two from laughing too hard. A much more relaxing Tuesday then most families were experiencing.
And, for once, Kurt forgot about schoolwork and just enjoyed his family (and teasing Finn, of course).