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“Amo says you stink.”
Zanka looks up from where he’s sitting in the mess hall. He’s just gotten his lunch, hadn’t even taken a bite before Rudo slides into the seat across from him. Before he says anything, Rudo continues.
“Riyo thinks it’s Follo.”
Zanka’s eyebrows pinch. Riyo thinks what about Follo?
“Enjin thinks it’s Eishia since she’s ‘cute’ and has spent ‘so much extra time patching you up recently’.” Rudo air quotes a few parts of that last one. “Although if it’s Eishia I think August would have done something to you by now and everyone would know about it.”
“Uh–” Zanka attempts to get a word in but Rudo is talking way too fast.
“Gris told Enjin he was really stupid for that guess. He also thinks it’s gotta be Follo. Something to do with something about how you first met? I think Tomme agrees, too.” Rudo frowns. “But Follo and I are friends now and I think he’d tell me if that were true.”
“Rud–”
“Enjin also thinks Semiu knows for sure but said she’s not telling anyone. Tamsy told him not to push her about it. Something about revealing something in its own time or something.”
“I don–”
“And Bro said not to mention it around Team Child anymore either because Guita got too excited and it pissed Dear off.”
“Hey–”
“Actually, talking about it made Fu look really weird. Like he was uncomfortable or something. Were you mean to him? Does he hate you?” Rudo’s face contorts into something horrible and unreadable. “Is it Fu?”
“Okay, okay, stop for a sec’.” Zanka holds both his hands up and that finally gets Rudo to pause. “Please start at the beginnin’. I have no idea what yer sayin’.”
Rudo takes a deep breath.
“Amo says you stink.” He repeats, like that explains absolutely everything.
“I’m… uh, sorry?”
Rudo tilts his head.
“It’s a good stink.”
Zanka tilts his head to mirror Rudo.
“Okay?”
This conversation is starting to feel completely insane.
“And I figured it was easier to just ask you. It seems like a stupid game even if there’s enough money involved to buy some really nice candy. I don’t really get what everyone else finds so fun about all of it.”
“Rudo, seriously, what’re ya talkin’ about?”
Rudo raises an eyebrow.
“You like someone right?”
Zanka chokes on nothing.
“I didn’t think it was really real until Amo told me you smelled like you liked someone. I mean, I kinda thought you didn’t really like anyone that much outside of Enjin and Riyo. Like, just, in general. But she said she can always tell and I trust Amo to know stuff like this.”
Zanka’s coughing up a lung now. He can’t fucking breathe.
“So who is it?”
Who —
That’s what everyone's talking about? What the fuck? That’s hilarious!
He’s about to tell Rudo this is all stupid as hell. Idle rumours made by people who are way too bored for their own good because Amo thinks he smells weird? Of course he doesn’t like anyone. When would he have the time? It’s not like he’s been able to really—
Then he has a realization. And it’s the second worst realization of his life.
Oh fuck.
Oh.
Fuck.
Everything that was hilarious immediately becomes horrifying.
He has to kill himself. For real this time. Or he has to let Jabber kill him the next time they fight. Either works honestly. Maybe Jabber killing him would actually be better. He can’t keep living in a world where he’s going to eventually be expected to explain what the fuck is going on exactly when he can’t even explain what the fuck is going on exactly.
Because he doesn’t like Jabber. He hates the guy. He absolutely fucking hates the guy. That’s why they’ve been trying to kill each other so much recently.
But, uh…
But, um…
Okay okay, sure, fine, maybe they exchanged bracelet frequencies a while ago. But it’s not like they call each other every day or anything. It’s more like once a week. If even that. And the conversations always devolve into nothing important because Jabber has the attention span of a goldfish and loves to fucking ramble.
And maybe he’s aware of the location of two–three of Jabber’s weird little hidey holes in surrounding cities. It’s not like he’s checking in on them to see if Jabber happens to be there when he happens to visits said cities. Absolutely not.
And maybe they made out once...twice. It was definitely only twice! And it was in the heat of the moment when they were definitely still trying to kill each other. It was just adrenaline or something. That doesn’t fucking count.
If anything, he’s the one obsessed with me. Not the other way around!
“I–”
Zanka swallows. His throat is so dry. Rudo leans in, eyes impossibly wide. Zanka averts his gaze and bites his lip. He wants to sink into the floor. What the fuck. How did this happen?
“–It’s not– There’s not– A-anyone I like–like that–”
Rudo squints, then frowns, unsatisfied.
“Are you lying?”
“No.” Zanka says more forcefully than he means too. He’s telling himself he’s telling the truth. He’s absolutely 100-fucking-percent telling the truth.
But then, without thinking, he adds, “And even if I was I wouldn’t tell ya.”
It doesn’t sound convincing at all. He can tell Rudo doesn’t believe him even a little bit, which is saying something.
“Hey, fuck off. I just wanted to ask you since I’m tired of everyone talking about it.”
Rudo abruptly gets to his feet and shoves a finger in Zanka’s face.
“I hope you choke on your feelings.”