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It’s something Kurt doesn’t mention because it makes Sam’s face go all closed up and tight and with shadows marring the handsome features in a way that makes Kurt’s chest ache. And he knows, he knows, it’s just one more piece of the root to everything about why Sam is the way he is. Why he feels dwarfed by everyone around him, why he feels like nothing he does is enough, why he tries that much harder and beats himself up that much worse.
So Kurt doesn’t mention it, even when he sees Sam’s fingers tighten around a pen. When he catches the halt in Sam’s voice. When he sees the harsh set of Sam’s shoulders.
But he does his research. He reads and searches the web and even, under several promises and swears of secrecy, talks to Sam’s mom about it. And he learns some solutions. Some little things to help because all he so desperately wants to do is help, help the beautiful, beautiful boy he’s in love with see how beautiful he really is.
He does it the first time when they’re sitting next to each other in Glee. Rachel is attempting another coup and no one is really paying attention. Sam has his head bent close to Kurt’s and they’re just sort of enjoying each other’s proximity. So Kurt takes one of Sam’s hand and presses his fingers into the palm. He curls his fingers into a fist, leaving the pinkie out first. Waits, deliberately. Waits, and watches Sam, waits to see.
Sam cocks an eyebrow to him. Kurt licks his lips and forms an “L” in his hand. Bunches the fingers together for an “O.” Parts them for a “V.” He continues, eyes never leaving Sam’s, spelling out his full message of, of course, “I LOVE YOU.” Fingertips brushing along Sam’s palm, telling him in words that won’t get tangled in his mind. Sam’s lips part and then he’s ducking forward, dropping a gentle kiss full of warmth to Kurt’s lips. Mr. Shue calls everyone’s attention then and the moment gets swallowed up in sound.
But it’s not the last time.
Kurt spells love against Sam’s leg when they’re in the car, presses it into the nape of his neck when they hold each other, traces it into his hip when they’re sprawled out over each other in bed. He drops the letters carefully over Sam’s lips when he’s hovering just above him, weight on elbows and hips pressing down and feet tangled, air taut and heavy around them.
He signs “I LOVE YOU”s around water glasses and across hallways and into palms and over his heart.
Sam doesn’t get that message mixed up up and that’s exactly what Kurt wants. He never wants Sam to misunderstand or misinterpret, or forget. He loves him for all, for the awe that’s etched so clearly over Sam’s face when he realizes what Kurt is doing and the soft, appreciative smile that falls in place just after. He loves him exactly as he is for all that he is and for all that he isn’t.