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Eddie rolls over in bed, wanting to pull his partner close, maybe snuggle, maybe more. But instead, he peeks his eyes open and realizes that Buck is wide awake, hoodie on and laptop in his lap.
“Baby?” Eddie mumbles into Buck’s hip bone. “Why are you up?”
“I’m ordering us something,” Buck says, looking down at him with a grin.
“Oh really?” Eddie says, finding a sudden interest in what he was looking at. He’d never really been into adventurous sex before getting with Buck, but now he knows the wonders of toys and working together for your partner's pleasure, and he’s always wanting to try something new with Buck.
“Yeah,” Buck says, turning his computer towards Eddie. He’s expecting to see the website that they’ve spent an insane amount of money on, but….that’s not what’s on the screen at all.
“You’re looking at pajamas?”
Buck’s grin falls slightly. “Oh uh, do you not- I mean, it’s our first Christmas together. I thought we could do matching pajamas at family dinner like everyone else does.”
“Of course I want to wear matching pajamas with you,” Eddie says, sitting up slightly to tuck a curl behind Buck’s ear. “I’ll wear matching pajamas every day of the month if you want me to. Hell, get us matching Christmas sweaters to wear at work if you want to.”
“Then why did you sound so disappointed?” Buck closes his laptop and lays it to the side.
“I thought you were ordering…something else,” Eddie says, and he grins as he watches Buck’s cheeks turn pink.
“Oh…uh, I did that too.”
Eddie blinks and then laughs. “Of course you did.”
Buck rubs the back of his neck, his eyes darting away like he’s been caught doing something mildly illegal. “I uh…didn’t know which color you’d like better, so I might’ve ordered two. Or three.”
Eddie props himself up on an elbow, nudging Buck’s knee with his forehead. “Matching pajamas and sexy time things? You’re really covering all the bases on Cyber Monday.”
Buck relaxes, his shoulder dropping as he smiles. Really smiles. Eddie still can’t believe he gets to see this up close. “I just…I want this Christmas to be good for us. Special.”
“It already is,” Eddie says. He tugs at the hem of Buck’s hoodie until Buck leans closer, letting Eddie speak into the soft cotton. “I woke up and you were still here. That’s plenty special.”
Buck’s hand settles lightly on Eddie’s jaw, his thumb brushing his cheek. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Eddie kissed the inside of Buck’s wrist slowly. Then he grins. “But I’m not going to pretend that I’m not curious about the other package.”
Buck’s laugh is a soft puff of air against Eddie’s mouth. “Nosy.”
“Always,” Eddie says. “Especially when it makes you get that blushy.”
Buck’s cheeks immediately reddened even more. “Okay, well…it won’t get here until tomorrow.”
“Good,” Eddie says, leaning into his side. “Gives me all night to imagine what you picked out.”
Buck swallows, his eyes going wide. “All night, huh?”
Eddie slides an arm around his waist and pulls him down into the blankets. “Mmhmm. But for now? Come back to bed. I wanna hold my boyfriend before he maxes out all of his credit cards on cyberdeals.”
Buck laughs helplessly and lets himself be tugged down, curling into Eddie’s arms. “They’re really good deals, Eds.”
“They’re scams, is what they are,” Eddie murmurs into his hair. “Still love you, though.”
Buck goes still for a beat, his breath catching before he softens. “Love you too.”
***
Buck is nervous. When Eddie had woken up, he for sure thought that the surprise was ruined. But Eddie hadn’t mentioned anything about what he saw in Buck’s cart, so hopefully, he didn’t see anything.
But now, Buck is rushing to get home before Eddie gets back from Christopher’s therapy appointment to grab the package before Eddie gets too nosy and ruins the surprise.
“Thank God,” Buck mutters to himself, taking the packages out of the mailbox and running inside, locking himself in their bedroom.
Carefully, he unwraps the packages, taking the pajamas out. One matching set with three pairs that have black plaid bottoms and black and white tops with a snowman face on them. And then a second set with four pairs of pajamas, green with cookies scattered all over them.
Buck had found out just a few weeks ago that what he thought was the stomach bug wasn’t actually the stomach bug at all. It was a baby. His and Eddie’s baby. He hadn’t even known he was a carrier until after he sat there and told his doctor that she was crazy a few too many times.
He plans to give Eddie and Chris their pajamas tonight, both the pair for this year and for next year, and then at the bottom of Eddie’s bag will be the extra small pair for their new addition to wear next year.
Buck and Eddie had talked about having more kids when they first got together, and Eddie had seemed open to the idea of maybe adopting a few down the line, so Buck hopes that Eddie is okay with this. He needs Eddie to be okay with this. Because he’s keeping his baby, he wants to be a dad. And he would really like to do it with Eddie by his side.
Buck looks at the tiny pajamas again. The little gingerbread men were smiling at him from the soft green cotton. He presses it against his chest for a moment just to take a breath, to really take it in that this time next year, he’ll have a baby. His heart is doing that flutter thing it does when he’s about to run into a fire, except so much bigger. So much more terrifying. So much more good.
He tucks each set neatly into the holiday bags. One for Eddie and one for Christopher.
He swallows hard when putting the baby pajamas into Eddie’s bag.
“Okay. Okay,” he mutters to himself. “You can do this. You fought an actual tsunami. You can tell your boyfriend he’s going to be a dad again.”
He takes a deep breath and ties the ribbon onto the bags just as he hears the front door open.
Panic hits him like a truck.
He stuffs the bags under the bed, smooths the blankets, and hides the Amazon packages. He tries to act normal, but he’s pretty sure his racing heart could be heard from a mile away.
He opens the bedroom door and steps out into the hallway just as Chris is walking into his room, Eddie following behind with two bags of groceries. Eddie’s eye immediately slide over him, laced with suspicion.
“You okay?” Eddie asks slowly, walking into the kitchen to set the bags down.
“Yep!” Buck chirps, “Totally. Completely. Perfectly…normal.”
“Why do you sound like that?” Christopher asks, poking his head out of his bedroom.
“I don’t sound like anything,” Buck insists, his voice cracking like he’s thirteen again.
Eddie raises an eyebrow. “Baby?”
Buck presses his lips together. Play it cool, Buckley.
“Nothing’s wrong,” He says, and it might be the most unconvincing sentence he’s ever spoken.
Eddie steps closer, putting a warm hand on his hip. “Hey…look at me.”
Buck does. He always does.
“You sure you’re okay?” Eddie murmurs.
Buck’s throat tightens. “I, uh…actually have a surprise tonight. For-for both of you.”
Christopher perks up. “Is it chicken parm? Please say it’s chicken parm.”
Buck laughs, albeit a little shake. “Not that. But I think you’ll both like it. At least I-I hope you do.”
“We always like your surprises,” Eddie says, softly, his thumb brushing Buck’s waist. “Even the weird, super spy coffee machine ones.”
Buck tries to smile but he knows it comes across flat. “This one’s…important.”
Eddie studies him but lets it slide, giving Buck a gentle nudge towards the fridge. “Well, important surprises are better with hot chocolate. Come help me make some?”
Buck nods, grateful for the out.
Christopher steps out of his room and joins them in the kitchen, already demanding extra marshmallows. Eddie lingers long enough to cup Buck’s cheek and search his face.
“Whatever it is,” he says gently, “I’m right here with you.”
Buck nods again, and this time his smile feels real. It’s a little teary, but real.
“I know,” he whispers.
They make a pot of hot chocolate on the stove in a comfortable silence, their shoulders bumping together ever so often, Buck smiling and relaxing just a bit each time that it happens.
Buck makes his with the cocoa and whipped cream, Eddie adds peppermint sticks to his and Christopher makes his with the works. Marshmallows, peppermint, whipped cream and sprinkles.
“Kid,” Eddie says, laughing at that pile of sugar in Christopher’s mug. “You’re going to get a cavity and you’re old enough now that the tooth won’t just fall out and be replaced with an adult tooth.”
Chris just shrugs before taking his mug and walking into the living room. “It is what it is.”
Buck and Eddie share a look and a chuckle before following him into the living room. Buck sets his hot chocolate down. “I’ll be right back.”
Buck’s heart is pounding again, but he forces himself to keep walking, knowing that if he stops, he might not have the nerves to do this today. He grabs the bags from under the bed and takes a deep breath
Eddie and Christopher are on the couch, their mugs in their hands, looking at him like they’re expecting something wild and crazy to happen.
“Okay,” Buck says, his voice shaking with nerves. “So, uh. These are for you.”
He hands Chris his bag first because he knows that he needs to buffer, one last moment, before he changes their lives forever.
“What is it?” Chris asks, already pulling out the tissue paper. “Oh, pajamas! These are nice. Are we wearing them to the 118 Christmas party thingy?”
“If you want,” Buck says, and his chest loosens just a bit. “There’s another pair in there, too.”
Chris reaches back into the bag and pulls out the cookie pajama set. “Nice.”
Eddie laughs softly before turning to Buck. “This is what you’re nervous about?”
“Y-yeah,” Buck says, his voice wobbling as he hands over the second bag. “Yours are in there.”
Eddie takes it with a curious look on his face, setting the bag on his lap carefully. He pulls out the first set, the snowman pair, and grins. “These are cute.”
Buck just nods.
“And the second pair?” He digs deeper, clearly expecting to find one pair of green cookie pajamas. And he does. Only to look at the bag with his eyebrows pulled together, probably spotting the last set of pajamas.
Buck can tell when he realizes what it is because Eddie freezes.
Christopher, halfway through taking a sip of his hot chocolate, pauses with his mug halfway to his face. “Uh…Dad?”
Buck forces himself to breathe. “That part is…for next year.”
Buck watches as Eddie’s hand trembles just slightly as he lifts the tiny pajamas up by the shoulders. They look impossibly small compared to his hands.
“Buck–” he says, quiet and low, like the air has been knocked out of him. “Is this…are you…?”
Buck’s eyes burn as he takes a step closer. “I’m pregnant .”
Silence.
Buck wets his lips. “I-I didn’t even know that I was a carrier. When I had that stomach bug…well, it turns out that it wasn’t the stomach bug.” He breaks off.
“I know we talked about maybe adopting someday, and I don’t…I don’t want to scare you or dump something this big on you, but I already…” He takes another deep breath, his hand pressing subconsciously against his stomach. “I already love them, Eddie. I want this. I really, really want this. And I want it with you. But if you… if this is too much or if you’re not ready-”
He can’t make himself finish the rest of the sentence.
Eddie is suddenly in front of him, one hand on his cheek and the other still holding the tiny pajamas.
“You’re having our baby?” Eddie asks, his voice shaking.
Buck nods, barely keeping it together. “Yeah.”
Eddie exhales before dropping the pajamas onto the couch, wrapping both arms around Buck’s waist and pulling him in. Buck folds instantly, crashing into Eddie’s chest like he’s been waiting to do since he found out about the baby.
“Are you kidding?” Eddie presses his face into Buck’s neck. “I’m all in. I’m so…God, Buck, I’m so in. Yes. Yes, of course I want a baby with you.
Buck makes a sound and his fingers curl into Eddie’s shirt.
“Dad’s crying,” Chris points out from the couch.
“Yeah,” Eddie says, not even pretending otherwise as he wipes his cheeks. “I am. So what?”
Chris grins. “I like this.”
Buck sniffles, laughing. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Chris says simply. “I’ve always wanted to be a brother.”
Buck breaks completely at that, burying his face in Eddie’s shoulder as Eddie holds him closer. When he finally pulls back, eyes red and shining, Eddie cups his jaw.
“We’re having a baby,” Eddie murmurs, like he can't believe the words.
Buck nods. “We’re having a baby.”