Chapter Text
Marshall typed up a report on his computer as Mary tried, and failed, to nail him in the face with a spitball. Today had been particularly slow, so Mary struggled to keep herself entertained. Marshall, however, wanted to tackle some paperwork ahead of time so he wouldn’t find himself overwhelmed the following week. Stan sequestered himself in his office, ever buried in paperwork and phone calls. He enjoyed glancing outside the glass at his inspectors, grateful for a little free entertainment, though he’d never admit he occasionally enjoyed their childish antics.
Amid the clacking of keyboard keys and crumpling of ripped paper, Marshall’s cell phone rang. He glanced at the caller ID and scrunched his forehead in confusion. Why was his dad calling him in the middle of the afternoon?
He hesitantly opened his phone and brought it up to his ear, curious and a little concerned.
“Hey, Dad,” he greeted, trying to sound nonchalant. Mary’s interest was immediately piqued.
“Marshall, you need to get to Santa Fe right now,” Seth stated gravely.
“What? Why, what happened?”
“Logan was in a car accident.” All the breath in Marshall’s lungs suddenly vanished. “He’s been taken to the hospital, and your mother and Chris are there now.” Seth sighed. “Marshall, it’s not looking good.”
“Oh my God,” Marshall whispered as he grabbed his bag and headed to Stan’s office. A sudden thought made him stop in his tracks.
“Wait, Dad, what about Josie?”
“She’s fine. She wasn’t with him. I’m on my way to pick her up now. I don’t even know what to tell her.”
Marshall sighed in relief. “We’ll figure it out together. I’m leaving work now. I’ll see you soon.” He hung up and knocked on Stan’s door hurriedly, not waiting for a reply before opening.
“Stan, there’s been a family emergency, I gotta take the rest of the day, probably tomorrow, too,” he stated quickly as his brain processed the gravity of his words.
Stan’s eyes widened as he stood up and moved from behind his desk to follow Marshall into the open area. “Oh, no. What happened?” Mary stood in front of her desk, also waiting for an answer.
“My dad just called saying my brother got into a car accident. He’s at the hospital now, but…” Marshall paused as he took a shaky breath to compose himself, tears stinging the corners of his eyes. Mary knew Marshall had two brothers but that was it. He didn’t talk about them very much, and she never bothered to ask.
“Jesus,” Mary sighed. “Do you want one of us to go with you?”
“No, but thank you,” Marshall replied. “I’ll just be in Santa Fe.”
“Well, keep us posted and let us know if you need anything, okay?” Stan said as he patted Marshall’s shoulder in support. Marshall gave him a silent nod.
“Who’s Josie that you were asking about on the phone?” Mary asked. She knew he needed to get going, but she couldn’t help herself.
“My niece,” Marshall answered. “My dad was on his way to pick her up from school when he called. She’s only six.” And with that, he was out the door, hustling down the stairs because the elevator would be too slow. Mary and Stan stood silently for a few moments, hoping things would turn out alright for their colleague and friend.
Marshall already had his away bag packed up in his truck, so he sped as much as he could above the speed limit to get to Santa Fe in record time. His dad texted him the address of the hospital, so he plugged that into his GPS system and just drove. His mind couldn’t help but jump to the worst case scenario. He spoke to Logan just last week, catching up on life updates, shooting the breeze. Then this. How could everything change so quickly? And what about Josie? He honestly didn’t know how she would cope with the news. If Logan died, what was going to happen to her? Would her mother try and make a move? He slapped himself, hard. No, he couldn’t think like that. He had to have hope. If not for himself, then for Josie.
If he had to be honest, Josie was his favorite of his nieces and nephews. His eldest brother, Christopher, had four energetic kids that he could keep up with but none he could really connect with. That’s where Josie came in. She was six and autistic but very intelligent and mature for her age. She was Logan’s only child and his whole world, though work oftentimes encroached on their time together. Luckily, she didn’t seem to care too much and never made a fuss. Though she began speaking at four, she didn’t speak often unless it was expected of her. The few people who heard her speak unprompted the most were her father, grandparents, and Uncle Marshall.
She loved spending quality time with Marshall at family gatherings, sharing new bits of trivia she learned at school and playing card games together. She made him realize how good it felt when a child was genuinely excited to see him. He would share trivia of his own that she would be shocked by and read to her from books she brought from the library. He especially loved the moments after eating a large meal with the family when she would climb up onto his lap and just sit with him in the living room. She wouldn’t speak, and neither would he. They just enjoyed being close to one another, feeling each other’s chests expanding and relaxing with each breath.
He took a deep breath as he parked his truck in the hospital parking lot and stepped out. The front entrance’s bright lights suddenly felt daunting, like the entrance to a haunted carnival. He steeled his nerves and hurried inside, anxious to see his family.
He checked in at the front desk and gave them his brother’s name. The nurse gestured toward the double doors as she gave him directions. He thanked her and continued on his way. He searched each waiting room fervently until he found the correct room number. He paused outside the door for a moment before grabbing the handle and gently pushing the door open.
The room was quiet. The first thing he saw was his mom, Ann, knitting something small out of her purse. He knew it helped to calm her nerves when her hands had something to do. His dad stood on the other side of the room, his back turned to him while he quietly conversed with someone on the phone. Chris sat a few chairs away from his mom texting someone. To the right of the door, Josie lied on her belly on the floor, entertaining herself with a coloring book. Her long brown hair was tied back in a single long braid; when she looked up and smiled at him, he saw her cerulean eyes sparkle from the fluorescent lights. She was the first person to notice him.
“Hi Uncle Marshall!” she exclaimed as she hopped to her feet and rushed toward him. Her voice brought everyone else’s attention back to reality. Marshall couldn’t help but smile at her enthusiasm and kneeled as he caught her in his arms in a massive hug. His hugs were her favorite.
“Hi, Jojo,” he greeted as he gently squeezed her. “How are you?”
“Daddy got hurt,” she whispered. His smile vanished and he held her a little tighter in response.
“I know, I heard,” he said as he stood, taking Josie with him. He turned to his parents and eldest brother. “Any news?”
“A doctor should be coming to give us an update any minute,” his dad answered. Marshall nodded as he set Josie back on her feet. He stepped forward and gave his mom an awkward half-hug, his tall frame towering over hers.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hi, sweetheart.”
He straightened himself up and glanced at Chris, giving him a silent nod. Chris didn’t know what else to do but return it. They hadn’t been terribly close growing up, given their seven year age difference. That’s why Marshall had developed a closer relationship to Logan, the middle brother. His brother whose life now hung in the balance.
He approached his father and kept his tone low. “Did they catch whoever did this?”
“I was just on the phone with one of my buddies in the local precinct,” Seth explained. “The other guy was still on scene after the ambulance left. He had a minor concussion and a few broken bones, but nothing life-threatening. They’re keeping him under supervision in the hospital until the doctor clears him.” Marshall nodded, tensing his jaw to keep his anger in check. He better not go visit the police precinct any time soon, lest he forget himself.
Taking a deep breath, Marshall decided to take the seat closest to his mother. Josie scurried back to her backpack and coloring supplies and haphazardly moved them closer to Marshall’s seat. Even if she didn’t interact with him, she liked being near him. He smiled softly at the way she focused all her attention to her coloring book, which was flower-themed.
“What are you working on, Jojo?” he asked. She put down her colored pencil and held her book up so he could see. She was already halfway through the finished piece.
“Wow, that’s beautiful!” he praised. She smiled and blushed at the compliment. “Do you know what kind of flower that is?”
“A blanket flower,” she answered as she set her book down and resumed coloring. He admired her effort to remain as accurate with the colors as possible. The yellow of the outer petals darkened to a deep red at the center, almost purple.
“That’s right. And do you know what family blanket flowers belong to?” She only had to think about it for a second.
“Daisies,” she replied. The nerd in him grinned with pride.
“That’s my girl,” he said softly as he held out his hand in front of her, palm facing up. As soon as she spotted it, she instinctively high-fived him.
“I wonder if she’ll learn as much trivia as you when she’s older,” his mom said quietly to him. He sighed as he stared at his niece for a few more moments.
“She’ll learn a lot more than just trivia,” he stated.
The door leading to the outer hall suddenly opened and an older man wearing surgical scrubs stepped into the room. His salt and pepper stubble complemented his bright green eyes.
“Hello,” he greeted. “I’m Dr. Simmons. Are you the party for Logan Mann?”
“Yes,” Seth replied as he stepped forward to shake the doctor’s hand. How is he?” Marshall held his breath as he studied the surgeon, waiting for a reaction. The surgeon paused for a moment, seemingly composing himself as he motioned to the chairs and stated gently, “Please have a seat.”
Seth pulled up a chair placed against the wall while the surgeon grabbed one just inside the door. Josie immediately felt the serious atmosphere in the room and abandoned her coloring. She stood in front of Marshall and placed her small hands on his knees, pushing on them as if to pry them apart. He understood what she wanted and opened his legs, allowing her to stand between them. Turning around to face the surgeon, she placed her hands on Marshall’s jeans, running her fingers over the denim stitching.
“I’m assuming you are Logan’s parents?” Dr. Simmons asked, motioning to Seth and Ann. They nodded.
“These are our sons Marshall and Christopher,” Seth said as he motioned to them, “and the little one is Josie, Logan’s daughter.” She gave the surgeon a small wave automatically but didn’t look up. Marshall smiled a little and gently squeezed her with his legs.
“It’s nice to meet you all, though I’m sorry it had to be under these circumstances,” Dr. Simmons started. “As you may know, Logan was brought in with several severe injuries indicative of a head-on automotive collision. The most worrisome were two broken ribs along the sternum here,” he explained as he pointed to the left side of his own sternum, “when we believe the air bag deployed after he had already impacted the steering wheel. This made it difficult for EMTs to keep him stable but we rushed him to the OR as soon as they arrived.” Marshall’s mouth suddenly went dry. This was his first time hearing about Logan’s injuries. Internally, he seethed with anger at the moron that caused his family such grief. He was going to rip him to shreds if he ever laid hands on him. He glanced at Josie, worried how she would react to all of this medical jargon describing her dad; luckily, it seemed like most of it went over her head and she wasn’t truly paying attention. He silently thanked God for small mercies.
Dr. Simmons took a breath and continued. “When we began the surgery to full assess the damage, there was a lot more internal bleeding than we originally thought. Ultimately, we found a rib fragment that broke off at some point and lacerated the aorta.” Marshall felt more tears sting his eyes, afraid he knew where this was going. “Damage like this is rare, but it can happen in cases such as this. We tried to repair as much damage as we could but the blood loss was so severe…that he didn’t survive.” He paused and took in the horrified looks of shock and grief. Seth remained stoic as he hugged Ann sobbing in his arms; Chris had to stand up and pace, processing the news; Marshall shut his eyes tight and bowed his head, trying desperately to stave off the tears until later.
At the sound of her grandmother’s sobs, Josie looked around with a blank stare, not quite sure what the doctor said to upset everyone. Understanding her confusion, Dr. Simmons held out his hand to her, which she grasped slowly. She understood this was no high-fiving matter.
“I’m very sorry for your loss, Josie,” he stated solemnly. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze as he gazed upon the rest of the group. “I’m very sorry for your loss, all of you,” he reiterated. “You can stay in here as long as you need. If you’re religious, I can speak to our chaplain about coming to say some words. If there is anything I can do, please let me know. Again, I’m so sorry. My heart goes out to you and your family.” Feeling it was time to give the family space, he quietly stood and left the Mann family to mourn.
The next few hours passed in a blur. Since Seth was listed as Logan’s next of kin, he accepted the burden of identifying his son’s body. Marshall tried to comfort his mother the best he could, but knew he could only do so much without sobbing himself. Chris headed home to inform his wife and children, to process this terrible news on his own. When Seth returned from filling out the necessary paperwork, he invited Marshall and Josie to their house for dinner, even though none of the adults had much of an appetite. Marshall didn’t know the area as well and certainly didn’t feel like cooking at his brother’s house, so he reluctantly agreed. At some point, Marshall felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. When he pulled it out, he saw Mary and Stan both called him multiple times. He didn’t trust himself to speak at the moment, so he texted Mary quickly saying he was fine. He knew she wouldn’t be satisfied with that, but it would have to do for now.
At his parents’ house, everyone picked at their food in silence. Josie looked around the table at her grandparents and her uncle, not sure what to do or say. After the table was cleared, Marshall decided to take Josie back home and stay with her there. His parents implored them to stay but he insisted. He didn’t want to disrupt Josie’s daily routine more than they already had and it would be best for her to stay in familiar and comfortable surroundings. Ultimately, they relented; the Mann stubbornness could really backfire sometimes. Seth gave Marshall his copy of Logan’s house key and told him they would make arrangements to have another copy made later. With that, Marshall buckled Josie in the backseat of his truck and shut the door. Before he opened the driver door, he pulled out his phone and sent one more text to Mary, to compensate for earlier.
They drove for about twenty minutes in silence. Marshall kept glancing at Josie in the rearview mirror but she didn’t notice. She seemed content watching the lights pass by. He dreaded having the inevitable conversation with her, desperate to find the right words, knowing it wouldn’t change the fact that she would never see her father again.
As he pulled into the driveway and shut off the engine, he felt moisture on his cheeks. He scrunched his eyes shut and brought his hands up to scrub over his face. He didn’t realize he had been crying; he hoped to keep himself together until after he put Josie to bed but his walls were crumbling quickly.
“Uncle Marshall, are you okay?” Josie piped up from the backseat, anxious to get inside before she noticed his pained expression in the mirror. She knew something bad happened at the hospital; it made her sad to see the people she cared about crying, especially Uncle Marshall. She had never seen him cry before; it made her tear up a little now to see him like this.
“Yeah, sweetheart, I’m okay,” he responded resolutely, quickly unbuckling his seatbelt and climbing out of the truck. He half-jogged to the passenger side to let her out. When he opened the door, her seatbelt was already unbuckled. He offered her a hand as she hopped down from the seat onto the pavement. He reached over her and grabbed her backpack, idly carrying it for her. As they closed the truck doors, she said, “‘It’s okay to not be okay.’ The smartest person I know told me that.”
He grabbed the spare key from his pocket and unlocked the door. “Oh yeah? Who’s that?” he asked.
“You!” she exclaimed as she slammed into his legs and gave him the best bear hug her tiny arms could muster. He looked down at her and smiled, allowing some more tears to escape. He never understood how Logan could’ve been blessed with such a loving, caring, and thoughtful little girl. As he unwrapped her arms and led her into the house, he felt extremely fortunate.
As soon as she stepped inside, her body seemed to switch to autopilot. She yawned as she toed off her shoes and reclaimed her backpack from Marshall, walking silently toward her bedroom. He copied her example and also took off his boots, slowly following her trail.
“Jojo, what time’s your bedtime?” he asked, peeking around the corner. He quickly turned away when he realized she was changing into her pajamas.
“8:30,” she answered. He glanced at his watch: 9:07pm. Not too bad for a long day.
“Looks like we stayed a little too long at Grandma and Grandpa’s house,” he said more to himself as he closed the door a bit. “Do you need help with anything?”
“No.” With that, she opened the door again, revealing her clad in a Disney princess nightgown, her hair now loosely fallen around her shoulders. He smiled as she scurried off to the bathroom, pulling out a small step stool so she could reach the sink to brush her teeth. He took the opportunity to check his phone for more missed calls and noticed one outstanding text message from Mary, sent a few minutes after his last text to her: See you soon.
Josie re-emerged a few minutes later, fresh breath and all. She flipped on a nightlight just inside her bedroom doorway and a small crystal ball lamp on her nightstand. She ran back to flip off the overhead light.
“Uncle Marshall, can you tuck me in?”
“Of course,” he said as he followed her into her dimly lit bedroom. She had a variety of stuffed animals situated on her bed and around the room on small mounted shelves. At the foot of the bed stood a small bookcase almost completely filled with books of different thicknesses and reading levels. She loved to read as much as he did.
She was already under the covers with a teddy bear by the time he sat down on the mattress edge.
“Do you want a story before I tuck you in?” She shook her head, not looking at him. She suddenly looked sad, lost. Something was clearly bothering her, and he had a pretty good idea what it was. “What’s wrong?”
“Daddy’s not coming home, is he?” she asked quietly. He noticed her eyes began to glisten with unshed tears. He sighed as he tucked the covers around her, glancing at the orb of light next to the bed, as if it could provide him guidance on what to say next.
“No, sweetie, he’s not. I’m so sorry.” The floodgates opened, and she cried in earnest, squeezing her teddy bear against her chest. Marshall scooped her into his arms and held her securely, resting his cheek on top of her head as he rocked back and forth. His heart ached for her, this sweet little girl whose life had just been flipped upside down with no notice, no preparation.
He listened to her cries as they eventually settled into hiccups and sniffles. He grabbed a tissue and helped her blow her nose as she kept wiping her eyes with her hands. He leaned down and placed her under the covers once again, kissing her forehead before straightening himself. She immediately wiped at the spot with her palm but appreciated the gesture.
“I’m going to call your school tomorrow to tell them you won’t be there,” he explained. “I think we just need to stay at home and spend some time together. How does that sound?”
“Good,” she replied as she yawned again.
“Ok. Goodnight, sweetheart,” he whispered as he turned off the lamp. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” she whispered back as he stood and exited the room, softly closing the door behind him.
He suddenly felt heavy as he dragged himself back to the living room. The evening’s events were finally catching up with him as he sank into the couch and gazed at the photos hung on the walls. He recognized a few from family reunions, birthday parties, and other gatherings. Then his eyes fixed themselves on a photo of Logan and Josie together, taken the year before. His defenses could hold themselves no more and he wept into his hands.
He wasn’t sure how much time had passed before he heard a light knock on the door but it couldn’t have been long. He slowly rose and trudged to the door, relieved to find his partner standing in front of him.
“Hey,” he said with a soft smile. She immediately noticed the bloodshot eyes and tear streaks on his face. She wasted no time inviting herself in, closing the door behind her. Before he could say anything, she enveloped him in a hug; something he didn’t expect her to initiate, but glad all the same as a new wave of tears flowed.
“Marshall, I’m so sorry,” she whispered as she held him. He buried his face into her shoulder.
“He’s gone, Mare,” he choked out. She shushed him and rubbed his back, hoping that would comfort him a bit. They stood there for a few minutes until he stopped crying. She could tell he wasn’t supporting all of his weight. She stepped back and held him away from her, noticing his heavy-lidded eyes unable to remain open.
“Come on, partner,” she said as she slowly led him to the couch, “time for bed.”