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1. February 14, 1998
There was nothing quite like skating. The bite of the air as it whipped at your face, the scrape of the skates on the ice, the roar in your ears as you rushed down the ice and the adrenaline pumping through your veins. Angela felt at home there. She felt at home with her team.
She wanted the gold, which was the goal of the whole team, obviously. They had no plans for settling for anything less. She wanted all the hockey the world could give her and then some. She was never one of the kids who during recess would spend all their time walking up to people to see if they would finally meet that one person whose cord would sling out and find its match. She had goals, she was the kid in the road playing street hockey during recess even though they weren't supposed to leave the playground. She always planned to go on a seeking trip when she was older, maybe in her mid or later twenties, it was important to her of course, but hockey always came first, and she figured that anyone who was bonded to her would understand that.
She also imagined that whoever they turned out to be that they would be pretty damn proud of her when she brought home the gold. And she was going to, because they might be young, but they were also a fucking awesome team.
Jenny nodded her out of her thoughts while she had been robotically lacing up her skates in the locker room before the start of the game with a small nudge to the shoulder. It was a big game. Canada vs. USA always was.
Jenny frowned slightly and mouthed ‘you okay?’
Angela nodded and lightly punched Jenny in the shoulder; Jenny had a mother hen complex and was always worrying about her, as well as everyone else on the team, which Angela thought was a little stupid considering she was only a year older than her and younger than most of them but she humored her anyway because honestly, you couldn’t find a more well-rounded awesome person than Jenny. Angela would joke with her about how if they never connected with anyone, or, God forbid, their soulmate turned out to dislike hockey, they should just stick together and create some kind of super all-girl hockey league.
Angela was into it.
“Ladies, time to head out,” coach’s voice broke through her rambling thoughts and now the only thing on her mind was: it's game time.
-
They had played Canada before. Angela had played Canada before. But she had never played such an intense game and the high levels of emotions and anticipation were almost crushing her as she went out onto the ice for the first time, though they slowly calmed down as she breathed in deeply and focused solely on her game.
The game was hard and grueling like playing Canada always was and it felt like Angela exerted more energy playing in that one game than the rest of the Olympics combined. And though she fought hard and got right up in their faces, chirped them like she did everyone, and played to the point; shutting them the fuck down. Something felt…off.
Angela didn’t feel quite right flying across the ice. Or maybe, she felt too right. Like something else inside of her was skating too, and had the puck, and was flying down the ice towards Sarah, and then Angela stopped thinking and moved because there was a game going on here.
It was Campbell; lining up to fire a shot, and Angela was going to shut her down. Angela could because she knew what she was going to do next. She didn’t know why or how but she knew that she was going left, but then almost as fast as Angela registered Campbell's movement she swerved suddenly and deked right around Angela before missing the net altogether and hitting the goalpost with a loud clang.
The refs blew the whistle for a hooking penalty from somewhere behind her but all Angela could do was stop and catch her breath, gasping in air and looking across the ice at Cassie Campbell who was staring directly back at her, face flushed red in anger, a wild, almost hateful look in her eyes.
Angela looked away.
They ended up winning the game. But it wasn't over yet.
2. Three days later
The thing about soulbonds is that they often break out the first time in a state of heightened emotion. Angela knew that, everyone knew that, it was a favorite cliché for a million romance movies for a reason, the lovers pass that by one another and they never know, until they meet each other crying or whatever, it’s usually pretty over the top in Angela's opinion. Most people’s bonds break out right away though; because seeking alone makes people feel elated in whatever way and it’s not common that two people with a bond will just silently pass each other by and never know it.
-
It was the gold medal game and Angela had never been so excited or terrified in her entire life. This was it, this was what she lived for, this feeling in the locker room and the anticipation out on the ice, as they barreled over Canada, determined to get this win and they could.
Cassie Campbell was there, playing for Canada, obviously. And she was good, she was very good, but she wasn’t going to get away from Angela, she was not going to allow it. With a smile on her face, remembering Cassie’s enraged expression after Angela make her flub her shot in the previous game; Angela stole the puck right from under her.
And that was when it happened.
Cassie’s face, sweaty and red and angry, was only a few feet from her own, and in the split second it took for Angela to chirp her, Cassie growling back, and steal the puck, she felt someone rushing…or maybe gushing, she wasn't even sure, out from her ankle and wrapping itself up in Cassie Campbell’s pure white cord. Which she could see.
You couldn’t see anyone’s cords but your own. And your soulmate's. Angela stared.
She ruined the play. Canada got the puck back again and Angela just stared down at her skate for a minute, at the softly glowing cord that had finally found its place in the world, which apparently, was wrapped around Cassie Campbell’s ankle.
Angela looked up suddenly at Cassie who had been staring at her own foot with an expression of outright horror before suddenly meeting Angela’s eyes and flat out snarling at her. And well, Angela thought foggily, fuck that, I have a game to play, and tore off down the ice, Cassie Campbell hard on her heels.
The rest of the game was a battle, but Angela put everything and then some into it and so did the rest of the girls. Cassie was fast and she was angry but Angela wasn't going to let her get anywhere today. She stuck to her like glue and determinedly ignored the white cord that stretched out across the ice to Cassie Campbell, glowing softly and looking nice and right and not at all awful like it actually was.
And then they won the gold.
All Angela even remembered about the next few moments was a bright explosion of jubilant emotions and flashes of colors as her teammates threw theselves on top of her, yelling loudly, and the very best feeling she had ever experienced in the entire world rising her her chest. And after hugging the life out of her teammates and getting a fucking gold medal, holding back tears as the Star Spangles Banner played, did Angela’s eyes drift along her stretched and lightly faded cord, leading up to Cassie Campbell, and meet with Cassie’s in the crowd.
Cassie’s bloodshot, proud, and horribly disappointed eyes. And for a moment Angela felt a little stab of something, and almost crossed the ice, to say…..she didn’t know what, but she shut down on that thought when Cassie’s face hardened and she glared at her with such a powerful force that Angela felt a little bit staggered and thought once and for all; fuck that. And she turned away to celebrate her gold medal with her teammates.
3. February, 2002
The thing about your soulmate is you don’t need them. And Angela has never needed Cassie. The strongest she ever feels is an ache, or occasionally a rush of joy or sadness that isn’t her own. But she doesn’t need Cassie, and she doesn’t want her. The feeling is most definitely mutual.
Angela goes to college and takes a lot of courses, her political science class is fascinating and on the side she makes out a lot with a hot girl who’s majoring in physics named Amy. Her life's pretty good.
She also plays as much hockey as she can and occasionally, just occasionally, on nights when the old ache comes back, or she’s missing something and she’d not sure what, just that there's a gaping hole somewhere in her chest and she hates it, a feeling of pride and hope shooting through her suddenly and she lays back on her bed, and she thinks about it.
She has a strict no sappy soulmate movies rule that she’s broken a few times when her friends will pull out the old classics and Angela will laugh along with everyone else at the soulmates finally be reunited at the end with all the epic music and dramatic lighting because hey, soulmates may be the ‘perfect’ person for you but that doesn’t mean the whole process isn't kinda stupid and that they aren’t jackasses who deserved to be laughed at.
She had decided never to focus on it when something else is shooting through her, and to never touch herself when someone else’s feeling are running through her, sparks shooting up and down her body, her spine tingling, and she feels a little like she’s shaking apart from the inside and she wonders what she’s doing and if she feels like she’s coming undone, soaking between her legs and gasping when Angela has sex, too.
But that’s it. And it’s okay, Angela's okay, and then the Olympics happen again, and Angela feels exuberance and excitement and something else that she’d rather not name course through her body and settle somewhere down by her ankles.
She doesn’t see the Canadian team even once until the gold medal game, and when she steps out onto the ice with Cassie Campbell, the cord is still there, as bright and full and connected as ever, but Cassie doesn’t look hateful, she doesn’t even look angry, she just looks blank.
And so Angela gets down to business and they play a hockey game.
Canada wins and after it’s all over Jenny puts a comforting arm around her shoulders as she gives Sarah a consolation tap on the head, because really, nothing sucks like losing the gold medal game. But at the same time Angela feels a bubbling in her gut, a feeling that she recognizes as the beginning stages of still being in the state of disbelief as overwhelming happiness and pride start to creep in. It’s not her feeling now, but it was her feeling four years ago.
Angela shrugs off Jenny’s arm and turns back towards the still celebrating Canadian team and watches them.
Part of her feels angry, feels annoyed and embarrassed by this feeling of joy swelling up within her. But more of her can relate to it, and she sees, for the first time seeing her, Cassie Campbell give a smile wide enough to split her face in half, and Angela decides to be a little bit happy instead of resentful.
Before she turns back to her teammates Cassie looks up and over at her, smile still etched on her face, like she can’t get rid of it, and she looks at Angela, tear tracks on her face. Angela looks back, gives her a small smile and a wave, almost as if to say, congratulations, I guess. Bitch.
Cassie watches her for a minute, smile falling off her face just a little and an indescribable look coming over it, marred with just a little bit of confusion, and she cocks her head to the side in the tiniest of movements.
Angela just shrugs and turns, leaving the rink with Cassie still staring at her back.
4. February 13, 2006
They don’t meet again until the '06 Winter Games and Angela heard from Jenny that Cassie Campbell was retiring after this. She didn’t know what she felt about that, she wasn't sure if she had any reason to actually care other than; oh, good, she’ll be gone soon.
They’re staying in the same hotel, and they meet in the elevator, of all places, because of course they do. Angela runs in through the almost closed doors and quickly pressed her floor number, disproportionately happy that she beat the elevator doors before she even sees it.
It's the bond she sees first. It’s only bright and full and....happy, even though she knows how stupid that sounds, a bond being happy, when you’re close to who it wants to be near and she looks up sharply and sees the only other person standing in the elevator, Cassie Campbell, a bag slung over one shoulder and an unreadable expression on her face as she watches Angela for a second before looking back at the elevator doors and swallowing loudly.
Angela just stands there, feeling stiff and uncomfortable, annoyed at the elevator for being one of those fancy ones with mirrors covering it, so in every surface Angela can see the reflection of the joined bond, healthy, alive as ever, and almost...pulsing.
It’s the most awkward sixty seconds of her entire life and it feels like over an hour. Cassie is staring straight ahead, an almost angry expression taking over her face as she swallows hard, eyes darting to Angela’s for a millisecond before the elevator dings and she practically runs out into the hallway and away from Angela.
5. February 27, 2006
They don't play against each other again.
Angela’s dealing with their loss, bronze, disappointment steeping through her veins and licking her wounds with her friends when she sees Cassie enter into the bar they’re in with some of her Canadian teammates, and in a split second decision that Angela couldn’t quite explain, even with the excuse of excessive alcohol consumption, she walked right up to her, in the middle of the bar, and punched her right in the face. Hard.
Because really, who the fuck did she think she was? Angela felt like her ears were ringing and her heart was pounding a mile a minute as Cassie looked up at her, clutching her face where Angela hit her, eyes wide, dark and shocked, the whole bar going quiet around them.
Angela still felt a rush of surprising anger travel through her body as thoughts she wasn't even sure she had until that moment ran through her head. Cassie already had one gold medal more than Angela, so when did she just write her off? Was it because she fucking chirped her or because she won the first time? When it mattered the most? Who the fuck was she to just decide for them that they weren’t worth it?
Angela felt the beginnings of hysteria rise in her chest, surprising even her by it’s existence in the first place before she turned away from Cassie's befuddled and bleeding face and ran straight out of the bar. And for reasons she wasn’t even sure of, her breath choking up and her eyes watering, leaned against the dirty wall of the bar and cried.
1+ 2011
She’s sort of expecting it. She knew Cassie would be here. They were both retired gold metal winning hockey players, and, after all, they both cared about the future of women’s hockey more then they wanted to avoid their issues with each other.
Angela is still a little surprised when Cassie approaches her at the convention outright and says, “Hello.”
Angela blinks at her, she looks great, figures. “Hi,” she said.
Cassie shifts a little on her feet before closing her eyes and letting out a slow exhale saying, “I respect you as a hockey player.”
Right. Angela didn’t really know what to do with any of this.
“And,” Cassie opened her eyes and looked up at Angela, “…as a person. And I would like us to work together….and get coffee...maybe.”
Angela blinked. “Aren’t you a little late?”
Cassie scowled suddenly and snapped, “Oh it’s not like you did anything!”
Angela felt like pointing out that she wasn’t the one who had been glaring daggers at her and acting like a total bitch for years. Okay, maybe a little but she didn't start this, she was pretty sure of.
But then again, she didn’t know how it would have felt like to lose in '98, and still, even after all these years, the sight of Cassie Campbell still got her going. Good or bad.
“You do realize that this is the first time we’ve ever spoken off the ice, right?” Angela said with a start. Because, really, Cassie seemed like such a big part of her history. But maybe it wasn’t so much the words they shared or even the glares or battles on the ice or off, maybe it was more of what Angela had felt and who she’d felt, and how Cassie had sort of been right there, all along. As creepy as that was.
Cassie frowned. “I guess.”
“I’m sorry for punching you in the face.” It maybe had haunted Angela a little.
Cassie just shrugged and said, “Want to grab lunch?”
Angela felt a little spark of something that she had kept stamped down for years rise in her gut and something else, a different source of anticipation and fear and most of all, hope, which she knew wasn’t coming from her, and at that she felt a smile break out across her face and she said, “Sure.”
Cassie smiled back.