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It was close to ten when Jinki finally made it back to the dorm.
It had been a long day; from eight in the morning to nine thirty at night, Jinki had been caught up in a stream of nonstop schedules. Vocal lessons, meetings, recordings, dance practice; you name it, he'd done it all today. There was a comeback on the horizon and they had been told they had to work even harder. On top of that, the elevator in their dorm building was dysfunctioning again, which meant Jinki had been forced to get off before his floor and climb up three flights of stairs to finally reach home. Jinki was barely standing up when he made it there, legs tired and muscles sore beyond belief. And yet, he was in a good mood nevertheless, humming to himself while unlocking the door.
Jiwon —the manager who lived with them in the dorm to make sure they stayed alive and out of trouble— had just left after dropping him off, claiming he had some things to do. He said something about having important errands to run and added he would be back in the morning, as he did not want to risk waking them up by coming home late. And although Jinki did wonder for a second what type of urgent errands a man in his late twenties could possibly have to run on a Friday night, he also knew when to mind his own business. He had become very good at that, lately. There was no point opening his mouth and risking Jiwon to change his mind. The five of them being left to their own devices for a few hours was already rare enough, but Jiwon leaving for the entire night was nothing short of a small miracle. It wasn't that long ago that their every waking moment was supervised and monitored. Jinki vividly remembered how he felt like he had to ask permission for every breath they took, back then.
Jinki entered the apartment and let the front door click shut behind him. He leaned back against it with a contented sigh. It had been a long day indeed.
Jinki was deeply aware hundreds of people would have killed to be in his position. They had been told often enough how lucky they were to be able to live out their dream, how grateful they should feel for the chance they had been given. Jinki was grateful for this life, of course. Being a singer was wonderful, it really was. But once in a while, he did wonder if SM had made the right choice when they picked him out of everyone who had trained alongside him. Sometimes, the insane rhythm of the lifestyle and the expectations he was subjected to became a lot for one person to handle.
Jinki started removing his coat, enjoying the peace and quiet when he suddenly stopped mid movement.
Something was off.
He stood still for a moment, coat halfway off, listening to the sounds of the apartment and trying to get his tired brain to identify the source of his uneasiness. He looked down at his feet and his suspicions were confirmed. There was a distinct lack of sneakers and boots scattered all over the floor, thrown haphazardly in the general direction of the shoe rack. The absence of mess paired with how quiet it was could only mean one thing.
No one else was home yet.
Jinki kicked off his shoes and began sauntering towards the living room, delighted to have the place to himself for once. He really liked his members, they got along pretty well most days, but living with them was hardly ever a quiet affair. Jinki had lived the first eighteen years of his life with no siblings, and now suddenly found himself with four of them. Going from living with his mom and dad only to sharing a living space with so many people at the same time had been quite the learning experience. They were lucky if they could spend two days in a row without any argument or meaningless fights erupting.
Jinki wasn’t sure what the others were up to as they had parted ways after lunch to attend different schedules. He could vaguely recall Minho saying something about going over to the Super Junior dorm in the evening as Jinki was leaving dance practice to attend his vocal lesson. Jinki was about to take his phone out to text Jonghyun when he spotted a pair of black converses further down in the hallway. He didn't have to wonder who they belonged to for too long; he found their owner lounging on the couch when he entered the living room just a few seconds later. He looked up when Jinki walked in and gave him a little wave.
“Hi, hyung.”
Kibum was lying on the couch with a facemask on and a music magazine in his hands. He was wearing his pajamas already and his head was resting comfortably on a pillow he had propped up against the armrest, while his legs were stretched across the seats.
"Hey Kibum,” Jinki greeted him back with a smile. “Are you alone?”
“Not anymore,” Kibum deadpanned. “Welcome home.”
And with that, he looked back at his magazine.
Before they became part of the same team, Jinki wasn’t sure what to think about Kibum. He was even a little nervous around him at first. Still was, sometimes.
Jinki did not find the younger boy scary per say, Kibum was hardly intimidating, (especially not right now with his thin limbs poking out of his night clothes and his fringe tied up away from his face). But Kibum was very different from the kind of people Jinki was used to.
When they got put together in a group it took everyone some time to adjust.
Kibum was daring and sharp and never afraid to voice his opinion regardless of what the company was trying to push on him. He always said what he had to say, no matter how harsh or unpopular it was. He was unapologetically ―and almost aggressively― himself. Jinki was a little envious of the way the younger man conducted himself. Kibum was funny and loud, and although he liked to pull focus and joke around, he also was hardworking and diligent. Jinki liked that about him.
Kibum’s attitude had been a source of conflict with the other members, at first. Mostly with the younger two, who had complained to their leader about how self centered the other could be. Jinki had consoled them to the best of his abilities and had told Kibum to make an effort, but inside, he couldn’t help but to be somewhat admirative.
It couldn't be easy, being yourself so loudly.
“Do you know where the others are?” Jinki asked, slightly rocking on his feet a little awkwardly.
“Jonghyun was still in the studio when I left,” Kibum replied without looking up. “God knows where Taemin is, he’s not answering my texts.”
Jinki frowned, looking at the time.
“It's getting pretty late.” He asked, reaching for his phone. “Should I call him?”
“Don't bother, I tried but he never picked up,” Kibum shrugged. “You know how he is. Besides, I'm sure a manager is with him. They wouldn't let the child wander off on his own.”
Jinki nodded.
“I'll try calling him later.”
Kibum shrugged again and flipped another page.
“Suit yourself.”
“I think Minho is over at the Super Junior dorm,” Jinki offered after a beat.
“Yeah I know, I was there when he left,” Kibum replied, still not looking at Jinki. “Where’s Jiwon hyung?”
“Running errands.”
Kibum finally looked up at him, then at the clock on the wall and back at Jinki again, eyebrows raised in disbelief.
“At ten in the evening?”
Jinki shrugged.
“He said it couldn't wait until tomorrow.”
“Oh, yeah. I’m sure it couldn’t,” Kibum replied, barely disguising his smile. “He’s been going on a lot of… late night errands lately.”
“Yeah,” Jinki said. “I wonder what her name is.”
Kibum let out a sharp laugh and Jinki felt a smile spread on his face. He always felt a vague sense of pride whenever he managed to make the other boy laugh, probably because Kibum usually rolled his eyes at his dad jokes.
Jinki walked over to the couch and Kibum bent his legs so the older boy could sit down next to him. Once he was sat, Kibum wiggled his toes underneath Jinki's thighs wordlessly and went back to his magazine. Jinki smiled; Kibum hadn’t grown up with siblings either, but unlike Jinki, he had no issue taking up space.
“Did you have a good day?” Jinki asked.
“What kind of question is that?” Kibum said, an amused smirk on his lips. “You do know we were together for most of it, right?”
“I know,” Jinki replied. “But I feel like I barely saw you.”
“Aw, hyung. Did you miss me?” Kibum asked in a syrupy tone, batting his eyes at Jinki.
Jinki scoffed and looked away but did not answer, a little embarrassed. After a few seconds Kibum lightly poked him in the ribs. When Jinki turned to look at him, he was smiling.
“I did have a good day,” he said softly. “You?”
“It was fine,” Jinki said, rubbing his neck. “Long. It’s nice to be home.”
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Kibum sighed. “Minho and I got home a little before nine, I don’t know where he found the energy to go out after today. He's insane.”
Jinki was about to say something when he suddenly felt a pang in his stomach, reminding him the last meal he had was half an energy bar several hours ago.
“Sorry, I think need to eat something or else I will die,” he announced, getting up from the couch and walking towards the kitchen. “What did you have for dinner?”
Kibum didn’t reply. Jinki turned to look at him and found him chewing on his lip without a word, looking guilty.
"You did have dinner, right?"
Kibum bit on his lip harder.
Jinki’s mouth twisted into a disapproving pout. A few weeks ago, the two of them had been told they needed to watch their weight. Company’s orders, Jiwon had said, and Jinki didn't think too much of it until he started noticing Kibum had decided it meant he had to stop eating altogether, some days.
“Kibum-ah,” Jinki said softly, looking him in the eye. “You have to eat something. We barely ate lunch today.”
“I didn't do it on purpose,” Kibum protested. “We're out of leftovers and I was too tired to cook.”
Jinki didn’t believe him. His eyes must have told Kibum so, because he crossed his arms defensively and held his gaze, giving Jinki a challenging look. They had argued about this before.
“I wasn’t going to skip dinner, hyung,” Kibum insisted. He sounded a little upset now, almost hurt.
“Alright. I believe you,” Jinki said in a placating tone, not wanting to upset Kibum any further. “Would you like me to cook for you then?”
That was the right thing to say; Jinki was relieved to see Kibum’s shoulders visibly relax. He uncrossed his arms, putting his hands on top of his knees.
“Depends. What are you making?”
“For you? The best of the best, of course. Instant noodles with an egg on top.”
Kibum scoffed and gave a half smile.
“Ramyeon, uh? How healthy.”
He was still hesitating and Jinki hated that he knew the reason why all too well.
“Hey,” he said quietly. “It's okay. If we split a pack it doesn't count.”
He tilted his head and smiled in a way he hoped was inviting. Kibum looked at him for a few more seconds before cracking a smile. He got up from the couch and stretched his arms above his head with a groan. The motion lifted his shirt, revealing a hint of pale skin, all flat stomach and (visible) ribs. Jinki really didn’t understand their company, sometimes.
“I need to wash this off,” Kibum announced, pointing at his face. “but wait for me, I’m going to help you.”
“Then you’ll eat with me?” Jinki asked, hopeful.
Kibum made a show of rolling his eyes but his tone was warm when he answered:
“Yeah. I’ll eat with you.”
Once Kibum was gone, Jinki put water in a pot and looked through their cupboards while waiting for it to boil. He was trying to find their instant noodles. He could have sworn they had sneaked in quite a few packs a few weeks ago. He was beginning to think he might have to go down to the convenience store nearby and get some when he finally found them stashed away behind healthier options. It was probably Jiwon’s doing. Jinki knew their manager was only following their company’s directives, but it made him feel a little bad all the same.
Kibum came back at that moment, his whole face glowing and his hair down. He walked in the kitchen and smiled at Jinki.
“I’m hungry,” he said. “Let’s use two packs.”
Jinki beamed at him.
Kibum watched as Jinki put the noodles in the boiling water, telling him what to add to the broth to make it taste better. He told him about his grandma and how he would hang out in her kitchen while she cooked, how he picked up a few things by watching her. Jinki listened with a smile. He was always happy to learn new things about Kibum. It wasn't that often that the boy confided in him.
They sat at the small kitchen table together, knees knocking under the tabletop.
“Thanks for the meal.” They said in unison.
Kibum made a little contented sound after his first bite and Jinki giggled.
“It’s that good?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m glad.”
They ate in comfortable silence for a little while. Jinki was drifting off in his thoughts when when he felt Kibum give him a light shove with his foot.
“Thank you for cooking for me.”
They shared a smile and Jinki was once again impressed by how easily affectionate touches came to Kibum, despite also being an only child. He had seen him behave like this with the other members too, despite fighting with them almost everyday.
“Did you ever ask your parents for siblings?”
Kibum blinked at him, a mouthful of noodles hanging from his mouth. He swallowed them down with a loud slurping sound and a grimace that brought tears to his eyes.
“Come again?”
“You know,” Jinki said, picking at his own bowl. “When you were a kid?”
Kibum looked up, thinking.
“I don't really remember but I don't think so. I think I was fine having all the attention to myself. I didn't see my parents that much, anyway. Sharing the spotlight would have been less than ideal.”
Jinki chuckled. He could see it clear as day; a young Kibum throwing a tantrum because of a younger sibling stealing his toys. He fought with Taemin over the remote often enough for Jinki to picture the scene easily.
“Did you?” Kibum asked. “Want a sibling, I mean?
“Yeah,” Jinki nodded. “I wanted a sister.”
Jinki jumped a little when Kibum suddenly cackled, falling backwards on his chair.
“And now you're stuck with four brothers.”
“Well, I don't mind it,” Jinki smiled. “It's fun.”
“Really?” Kibum asked, eyebrows raised in disbelief. "You don't want to strangle us, like, all the time?"
Jinki shook his head no, laughing.
“I don’t believe you,” Kibum said. “Be honest.”
“I am being honest,” Jinki protested. “It was hard in the beginning but I’m having fun now.”
“Well, I don’t know how you do it,” Kibum said, shaking his head. “They drive me a little more insane everyday.”
Jinki chuckled at how agitated Kibum was all of a sudden.
“Okay, I’ll admit it gets a little loud sometimes.”
Kibum nodded furiously.
“I know, but when I tell them to tone it down I’m the bad guy.”
Jinki opened his mouth then promptly closed it, but it was a second too late and Kibum pointed his chopsticks at him accusingly.
“What is it?” Kibum said, narrowing his eyes. “Just say it.”
“Please don’t get mad."
"I can't promise that."
"It's just that... You’re not that quiet yourself.”
“You think I don’t know that?” Kibum said, rolling his eyes, "But I try to be mindful. I don’t scream my head off when I’m playing stupid video-games.”
"You don't play video-games."
"I do, sometimes! Anyway that's not the point."
“The more you react to them the more they like to play it up, you know that.”
“How could I not react?” Kibum whined. “They’re in my face! They’re so annoying.”
Jinki hummed, slurping on his noodles.
“And they're so messy too,” Kibum continued complaining. “They keep taking my things and using them.”
“You say that but I remember you wearing Jonghyun's jacket to practice the other day,” Jinki said, one eyebrow raised.
“That’s different. He lent it to me, he just forgot about it.”
“Sure.”
"You're not hearing me," Kibum insisted, "My point is they're a bunch of animals.”
Jinki laughed again, louder this time, and Kibum smiled, satisfied.
“You say that but you like them," Jinki said. "I know you do.”
Kibum shrugged and took another bite.
“I guess they could be worse.”
“Well, they like you too. And so do I." It was now Jinki’s turn to shove the other with his foot. "You know that, right? We’re lucky to have you.”
Kibum scoffed and looked down at his noodles.
“Yeah,” he said, “I know." His tone was neutral but Jinki had been learning how to hear the fondness behind Kibum's words.
Then Kibum looked up at him and smiled, a timid one that betrayed how precious Jinki’s words were to him.
Jinki liked this aspect of being a leader the most. He didn't care for the disciplining and relaying the company's instructions part. He liked saying nice things and meaning them, and getting to see a different side of his members.This Kibum wasn’t the Kibum everyone else got to see, the loud and confident type. This Kibum's cheeks were pink and his eyes bright. He was not the prickly young man he could be, he was a young boy with insecurities. Just like him.
Jinki suddenly thought about their fans then, the ones who swore up and down the two of them looked like brothers. Usually, Jinki didn't really see it. But in that moment, as he saw himself in Kibum, he thought maybe they had a point.
They resumed eating and before they knew it the whole pot was gone. Kibum got the last bite, much to Jinki’s satisfaction. Kibum did the washing while Jinki wiped the table clean. They did so while talking about various things, the conversation lasting until they went to the bathroom and brushed their teeth together. The both of them didn’t feel like going to sleep yet, so they went to the living room again. Even though they were both tired beyond belief, enjoying their peaceful time together seemed more important, somehow. They sat on the couch and Kibum put his feet up on Jinki's lap. They found a rerun of a music show and watched it for a while. Jinki was slowly falling asleep when Kibum spoke up:
“You know, we're lucky to have you too, hyung. We couldn't do this whole thing without you.”
Jinki's heart did something in his chest. He was about to answer when the door slammed open and the sound of conversation and laughter filled the air then, disturbing their peace. They heard Minho protest and Taemin laugh, probably in reaction to something Jonghyun said.
Kibum looked at Jinki and sighed deeply.
“Fantastic. Here comes the rest of the herd.”
Jinki laughed loudly. He squeezed Kibum’s knee warmly.
“Don't worry, we can handle them just fine.”