Chapter Text
Summer’s overwhelming heat and humidity may drive you crazy sometimes, don’t you think? It can bring uncanny thoughts and creepy hunches and yet there’s only two ways to explain whatever is going on around this town but –unluckly– only one makes sense.
Sliding doors that open and close randomly at night, wind that whistles through the tape-sealed windows, muffled wet footsteps that leave no trace and the undeniable smell of salt and cut fish linger on the thick ambiance summer provoques. It feels suffocating if you close your eyes, the fetid stench that sneaks and clings to your lungs, the evaporated salt that sticks to your nose once you breathe, both simply disappear once you open your eyes again.
It feels unexplainable but it can be reasoned with a simple sentence, it’s summer and the beach is some feet away.
Suguru moved to Maizuru a couple of days ago. His aunt called him and asked him to come and help her, the change of seasons doesn’t bring any youth back to her, she’s slowly getting old and owning, managing and working in a hotel –even if it’s small– is insanely hard, specially during summer when foreigners and people from other cities crowd the beach.
But, since he arrived, everything seems weird. People from the town stare at him with almost insane eyes, outsiders whisper behind his back and the people staying at his aunt’s hotel avoid him as if he had the plague. Suguru tries to convince himself it might be because –first of all– he’s an omega, people from the town are in majority betas and –secondly– also because he isn’t the stereotypical omega, in a way he is but he doesn’t fit in most of what an omega should be like. However his gut tells him otherwise.
Today is no different from yesterday or the day before yesterday. It’s early morning, sun hasn’t even risen and Suguru is up already, his chest has this weird heaviness which bothers him to the extent of wanting to punch himself to stop it. His nostrils feel ticklish, as if there’s some dust in the air.
He stands from the futon, picking it up and leaving it neatly folded in place. Suguru opens the curtain, the low hum of waves crashing on the shore is slightly audible but most of outside’s sounds are muffled by the tape that surrounds the window.
It takes about ten minutes until the sun starts to rise. There are a lot of clouds forming, probably today won’t be as shiny and overwhelmingly hot as the past few days. Suguru changes and does his hair in his usual tight bun leaving that strand of his bangs out –as always.
The door opens abruptly and his aunt goes in, closing the door behind her, she lets out a long and exhausted sigh, the beta seems a little bit uncomfortable and even unsure of what she’s about to say.
“Morning” she whispers, so soft and low that it's almost imperceptible, there is no way to determine what is wrong by her scent because –essentially– she lacks one.
Suguru twists his ankle, uncomfortable “morning” he replies avoiding raising his voice, as if they are chitchatting about some gossip.
They stay there in silence, looking at each other, the beta seems to be trying to find the right words to cover the topic without seeming demanding and Suguru; at the other hand, is ready to find any excuse to whatever his aunt is about to say.
“Suguru, you need to take some time away from here” she says, moving her head sideways to avoid his eyes “I- some of the clients” the beta stops midway and her face twitches with confusion.
Another long pause settles between them, now Suguru can descry what the woman is about to say and it’s crystal clear! In a town where most of its inhabitants are betas, for visitors –mainly alphas and omegas– this place is like a paradise, they could be doing stuff and no one would catch them, so he understands what his aunt is trying to imply and tell him.
She sighs again trying to regain composure, she fixes her kimono and keeps looking down at her feet “they’ve been complaining about your scent, especially omegas, your scent has been bothering them because you smell distressed and” his aunt stops again.
“You want me to take a day off?” Suguru finishes what his aunt was about to say, the woman nods embarrassed.
She looks up at him only to find a small smile drawn on Suguru’s lips, it's sweet and acknowledging, understanding even, Suguru understands where the worry comes from and he will help her, so he pushes that gentle facade. His aunt tries to do the same but it contorts into a grimace –a guilty and apologetic one.
The woman nods and takes some steps towards him to squeeze his shoulder and in her eyes there’s still the guilt very much present in them “you should go take a stroll through the city, walk down the beach, relax a little” she utters thoughtfully and Suguru nods.
Yet his chest clenches and the searing smell of seawater that floods his lungs warns him, as if something is bugging, watching them chat, spying on his next move. Suguru wants to tell her he’s feeling sick and he would like to stay in his room but he’s grateful with her and knows she’s doing him a huge favor by letting him stay and work. Although he’d rather stay here, he smiles at her and nods, trying to swallow the fear that creeps up his spine and clings to his bones like muscle and tissue.
Betas are lucky to be able to hide their concerns and terrors, they are able to hide from dreadful situations and have more power over themselves, unlike omegas and alphas, who are slaves to their own weaknesses and desires. Suguru doesn’t want to be an alpha, all of them are brain dead and self-centered, but he doesn’t love being an omega either, no matter how hard omegas try they are still weak in hands of an alpha, even their survival instincts betray them, he’d rather be a beta, senseless to scents, strong enough to protect themselves but still feeble, they aren’t at the top of the food chain for that solely reason.
Surviving in a town where citizens are mainly betas and the only alphas and omegas are there to hang with each other is like expecting a death wish to become a saving miracle, selling your heart to the devil is probably safer and not in the sense that Maizuru is unsafe for him, he suggests the latter as a metaphor for how crappy would it be if his gut feeling is right and no one –even if there’s people from his secondary sex and alphas who might be able to understand him– will actually help him.
However, not everything has to be negative, he can get some watermelon and sit at the shore to just watch the cold waves collide with the hot beach sand, he can have and ice cream and walk through some of downtown’s stores to see if he can get himself something cute for the summer festival, which is less than a month away.
Maybe he’s just acting all panicked thanks to those strange late night events and it’s not like he’s interacted with something out of place nor someone who doesn’t belong to this realm, that basically it, there’s really nothing to fear –essentially– and regardless he might yet be getting used to living in an unaccustomed place like Maizuru, far from his hometown and his parents, which can be hard for an omega who has lived all his life under the caring and protective wing of his parents.
He stands in the middle of the room contemplating and weightening his options, Suguru is taller than most omegas –and alphas–, he knows how to fight and he’s the responsive type during a flight or fight situation, he’s not endangered by any sense, he tries to convince himself with that but his guts twist in discontent and wary. Suguru stares out the tape-sealed window, gray-ish clouds gather on the sky, they are more dense than before and it really looks like today won’t be a desirable day to spend outside but he can’t afford; even thought of, to impair his aunt’s business.
After rethinking all his options he huffs and changes his clothing to something more comfortable but that still covers him from the cold weather that is already starting to filter through the window. Suguru also puts on a jacket and walks through the long corridors, most of the doors are closed and only the ones on the first floor are already open. He waves goodbye at the beta sitting at the front counter and she offers him a polite smile.
Walking through a city that is still very much unknown to him creeps him, Suguru looks around trying to remember the way back. When he arrived he didn’t mind learning the way to the hotel since his uncle picked him up from the train station and never once thought of leaving it –especially not alone.
Wind blows impatiently, harshly and loud, as if it was claiming the place as its. Clouds clump together, their grayish color is dreading but somehow it was comforting, feelings confuse him and sets this fake sense of peace inside his chest. Since it’s still early most of the shops are closed and there are very few people walking on the streets.
The ocean’s song becomes louder as he gets closer to the beach by the minute. Waves meet sand hard and aggressively as a silent fight for dominance. It’s probably the wind that causes the change in the normal summer influx of the sea or is it a typhoon coming and no one told him to guard himself? At this point he can’t bring himself to care.
Dark skies and the sea waves that aggressively consume the seashore should scare anyone out of the beach but there’s a couple walking barefoot on the sand, minding their business as if whatever that is going around them is not important enough to bother them and send them home, but Suguru is there too, isn’t he? Has he any word on what the couple does?
It’s hard to tell if there will be a thunderstorm but then a big lightning bolt cuts the sky and lights the darkened skyline, a loud thunder vibrates and tension builds up again, choking him and squeezing his lungs. At the shore Suguru spots two girls walking towards the roaring sea and violent waves will probably drown them if they walk more. He calls for them, the couple has vanished –probably ran back home after the lightning– and there is no one else on the beach, the shops there are closed, no one will know the girls and he has died, no one will save them and they’ll drown.
Fast and hurting heartbeat rummages his body and silences the outside world, he’s only able to hear the loud thump of his heart as if it was on his ears and the metallic flavor of blood floods his mouth and he can’t tell if he’s walking or not, his legs are rigid and his back hurts as if he’s been carrying a lot of weight for a long time, his eyesight clouds and his lungs fill up with the salty odor of fresh fish, he can feel every muscle flex and contract but at the same time he’s senseless. Suguru’s eyes burn as if he hasn’t blinked (has he?), his lips feel dried but he can’t open his mouth to lick them, he feels like he’s suffocating.
The girls hold hands, they look like they are walking on water, the fierce ocean murmurs an ancient spell, probably casting a curse and Suguru knows better, he has been cursed all his life.
“Hey” he yells, finally being able to utter something. Suguru’s voice bends and vanishes as wind blows, taking the sound of his voice away from anybody’s reach “hey kids” he tries again but the girls keep walking.
Sea water wets his baggy pants as his feet sink on it, making them heavier and hard to move, coldness crawls through his legs up to his chest and spine, the humid scent of salty water clings to his lungs, scales on wooded floor, muffled wet footsteps that approach, hands on his neck, the sharp sting of blades opening skin –his skin–, blood, too much of it, on his hands, around him, the sea water turns red, bright red everywhere and then–
A kiss.
Suguru starts to drown, something is pulling his legs downward, his arms move frantically trying to reach something –anything– that can avoid sinking. The girls turn around, hollow dark eyes glare at him, those empty eyes are the only thing that adorn their faces, he tries to reach them even if unease gulps him whole but then a humanoid like –and uncanny– smile draws in their clear faces, they look as if they are sneering him, languid and boney fingers cover that creepy smile simulating a “shh” sign.
Hands; lots of them grab parts of his body and drag him down, sea waves seem to be trying to swallow him, every passing second they turn more vicious and from his deformed vision he watches both girls become scales and fall down like dominoes over the water and completely disappear. Water keeps hitting and shaking, pulling, dragging, Suguru is able to hear something, he can’t understand it, a voice mutters against his ear, he feels its breath ghost his ear but it’s impossible to be able to feel underwater, is it?
It would be a lie if he said he feels fine now, the pressure of the freezing water has completely numbed his joints and darkness cradles him kind of tenderly, Suguru’s heart pounds heavy on his chest, every beat more painful than the last but the ache is lukewarm. He can’t hear or feel anything, he is just there.
For a single minute he feels safe, the hands that pulled him down had let go of his body and right now he simply exists. Suguru tries to worry, force anxiety to raise and his body to awaken but his brain and instincts do nothing but shut down every time he tries, as if they are being coerced to stay that way and have Suguru be defenceless, he has become a prey and he’s being condemned by his own brain.
But as soon as he starts to accept his destiny and understands he will die here –with no one to see and no one to help– the water starts to boil, it’s burning him. Suguru’s body finally starts to respond, he tries to move and swim upward, but he doesn’t move, he stays there, feeling breathless and fearsome, he opens his mouth to try screaming but only bubbles come out, draining his lungs, a hand wraps around his neck, cold boney fingers with a blueish tone hold it tight. The water has gone freezing cold again.
Suguru panics and tries to push it away but he can’t, he’s weak, tired and in pain, everything around him is black and the only thing he can see is that blue big hand choking him. He wants to cry, call his dad for help and hide under his mama’s skirt, is this what people call dying? Is this what people see when life is escaping their bodies with every passing second? Did all of them wish to be kids again?
“You are mine” he’s able to hear, the voice sounds as if it is faraway from him but the breath that brushes his helix and the hand that clings vehemently around his neck says otherwise.
Finally the hand lets it go, but Suguru can still feel the burn of the hold on his skin, a ghostly touch touches his spine, he feels it linger on his skin and his body quivers, death has more mercy over life than the thing that is claiming to own him. Suguru closes his eyes tight, in his head starts to pray and asks for forgiveness, for less torture, for his death being mercy and painless. When water starts to boil again, Suguru knows it's his end, for a second he hopes he was a better son, a better person, a better omega.
That thought seems to break something in his surroundings, water starts to squeeze him, it hits and shakes, a fierce rumble vibrates and the ripples of it wavers Suguru. A cold finger brushes his scent gland, the finger tip barely touches him but it’s there, he tries to pull away, to avoid being touched by whatever is behind him and yet he’s frozen in place, the water still viciously shaking and the darkness confuse him in whether he has his eyes opened or not.
Death is honestly the best he could get from this. Geto Suguru has accepted his destiny and he’s willing to die and leave everything behind for his own sake. Two hands hold his waist, the touch is heavy and warm, but it’s not tender, it’s alarming and Suguru wishes he could do something –anything– to avoid being harmed, wouldn’t it be easier to just kill him? He would allow anything to be done to him but with the sole condition of him dying first.
In this place time is frozen, he should be dead since he isn’t breathing and somehow he’s alive yet. Something soft –like flesh– presses against his scent gland, the hands move to capture him in an embrace, it should be sweet but it’s scary, his skin bristles and once again his heart is beating fast, a rhythmic pound that feels like like a bunny trying to escape the wolf.
“I love you” a grumbling voice utters against his ear and there’s a tinge of sadness in it, melancholy and yearning dripping from the words shatters Suguru’s heart. He’s too emotional but he’s still afraid.
Slowly those arms unwrap him, the embrace was warm and now that the body is slowly pulling away the freezing coldness that surrounded him at first engulfs him again, long fingers caress his sides before completely losing touch with Suguru, he wants to look back and see who or what was holding him and talking so lovingly to him, it feels like he needs to know so he can be sorry, but his body is still not responding, not answering to his own orders, like his brain and body are completely detached from each other.
Bubbles start to surround him, lots of them, smaller than the ones formed in fish tanks, they are tiny and delicate, like the ones formed when you shake a soda, like the ones you see in champagne, the same kind of effervescence that you enjoy but this one actually worries you.
Heat and uncomfortableness explodes inside him, a sudden burst that shakes his thoughts and makes them become fuzzy, just like heats feel when they are at its peak, his mind has returned to control his body, there’s still darkness and he hears voices from afar, there’s also muffled footsteps and the sound of things moving –like in his nightmares– and there’s something heavy on top of his body.
Suguru’s eyes shot back open and in a swift move he’s lying on his side coughing, there’s the sensation that salty water is tearing his throat and burns the inside of his cheeks, the undeniable taste of sea water is too nauseating, he wants to stop coughing but he feels it in his lungs and once again the memories of him drowning draw his fear back again. The door opens abruptly and he’s able to identify his aunt’s voice and two more voices, one from a man and another from a woman, his aunt sounds distressed and the man is yelling orders, the woman keeps mentioning things but he’s unable to understand any of it.
The vomiting stops and as soon as it does hands put him back in bed, his vision is blurry, this place doesn’t smell like his aunt’s hotel and it isn’t a hospital either, the place lacks the pungent clinical scent of one, it isn’t loaded in chlorine and whatever else hospitals use to keep every surface clean and virus/bacteria free. Suguru starts to cough, every inhale of air to stop himself from coughing burns his lungs, everything is too much, too cold, too hot, he can feel everything but at the same time he’s numb, the erratic beat of his heart should be hurting him but he’s only able to hear it, a constant sound that is slowly driving him insane.
A voice is asking him something, there’s a vibrant source of light pointing directly at his eyes and it hurts, he tries to move his head away, close his eyes, he’s in danger and there is nothing he can do to save himself.
Everything goes silent again, as if he was underwater again, every nerve of his body is tingling, the omega in him is howling like a wounded animal, he feels dehydrated but whenever he tries to swallow saliva the heinous taste of sea water invades his senses and instead he wants to throw up in hopes it will help get rid of that taste. His chest tightens, never in his life has he felt this trapped, so fearsome and scared, nothing has been capable of subduing and blind his consciousness to the point he’s existing in preservation mode and being unable to regain control of his own body actually makes him sick.
Every second feels like an eternity and his mind doesn’t seem to want to stop bringing back those words, “I love you” in repeat, again and again like a broken record, he wants to stop, stop thinking, stop hearing that voice that doesn’t seem comforting, that even if it was a sad confession it doesn’t break him anymore.
A loud broken sob crushes the silence, he closes his eyes and tears stream down his face, he curls to his side, his legs rising to his chest and his arms wrapping his head, he adopts a fetal position, as if he's trying to hide himself. Small but constant his body shakes, he closes his eyes, trying to stop himself from remembering.
“Stop” he whispers “please, go” he pleads, he feels the bed dip behind hima and his heart rate spikes again, now he’s able to feel it and it hurts.
“Suguru, it’s me, your aunt” she says softly without touching him and her voice is capable of bursting the fear bubble that wraps his body, slowly he turns his head to the sound and opens his eyes.
Through a tear-covered eyesight he spots his aunt and she stretches her arms, completely turning his body he lets himself be held by her, his body still shakes and tears haven’t stopped falling, but her arms feel safe and warm, his heartbeat slows down and his head clears off of the fog that clouded it. The door opens abruptly and Suguru hears a voice he hasn’t heard in a long time.
“Oh god” she says, walking fast towards him and he feels another pair of arms surround him “Suguru, what happened to you?” it’s his cousin, the oldest, the one who always took care of him back in grandma’s house, the goofy and overprotective one.
He wants to tell her, about everything, about the nightmares and today, ask her to hunt the monster that keeps harassing him at night, to capture the one who said it loved him, to save him like she did when he was little and tried to keep up the facade of a strong little boy and not cry. They hadn’t seen each other for almost three years, last time they saw each other was at her wedding and now it’s been so long, he lets himself feel nostalgic instead of afraid, he lets the sudden rain of childhood memories protect his heart.
Minutes go by and they hadn’t let go of each other, his cousin’s hand caress his hair while his aunt hums a lullaby, his heart has slowed down to beat like it should normally, he dries his tears and his cousin offers him a tissue to clean his nose, he does it and they let go, they sit in silence, he stares at the floor, through the door a man goes in and asks him questions but he can’t think of replying when he has his own doubts, should he tell them? What would they think?
“I really need you to answer” the man insists, he’s also a beta, like most of the people in this town “your aunt told me you know how to swim, what happened back there?” Suguru raises his head and looks at the man, he looks like the age of his aunt, probably a little older.
He gulps and lowers his gaze, he starts to fidget with his fingers “I don’t remember” he replies shyly, he’s lying, how can he say everything to a stranger? He’s even doubting to tell his own family. The man huffs and pinches the bridge of his nose.
“Look, Geto-chan, you almost died drowned and if Kensuke-san hadn’t seen you, you’ll be dead” the man remarks every word as if he’s trying to get the truth out of Suguru’s lips, but he’s a beta and there isn’t much he can do to an omega.
Both natures aren’t as aggressive and dominant as an alphas, but in this power game Suguru has more imperium than the beta.
“I’m telling the truth!” Suguru exclaims, if he wants to get out of this he’ll have to act his way out “I-I can’t really remember much” he says once again, softer this time, tears well up his eyes and he bites his lip “all i can remember is walking to the beach and a couple walking near the shore” his voice shakes and he let some tears fall down.
The older beta let his shoulders fall and walk towards him, gives him some pats on the head “you don’t have to cry” the man says and Suguru nods “Kensuke-san said he called for you a couple of times but you didn’t answer and when you were already in the water he runned to catch you” so that means he imagined those girls, is he becoming crazy?
Since he arrived every night he heard those sliding doors that opened and closed randomly, wind that whistled through the tape-sealed windows of his room, muffled wet footsteps that leave no trace and of course the horrid and undeniable scent of salt and cut fish that lingered on the thick ambiance, a cut-and-dried sequence that has slowly carved in every one of his neurons and nerves, provoking such fear that now he’s even hallucinating during the day and it almost got him killed.
“Keiko-chan, can you stay with him?” the beta asks his cousin and she nods, offering him a tight smile “please come with me” he says to his aunt and both leave the room.
Both sit in silence and his cousin is the first to break it, her arms wrap tenderly around him and hold him tight, she presses his head on her shoulder and starts to massage the skin near his scent gland, his body relaxes and he lets out a calmed huff.
“What is bothering you, hmm?” she asks, her hand still massaging the skin “if there is something bothering you, I can help” she whispers, pressing her cheek at the top of Suguru’s head.
Suguru wants to tell her, but he’s afraid it will cause some trouble to his aunt and he would rather suffer in silence than bother other people, especially his aunt. He thinks it is enough that he ditched college and now he’s doing nothing for his life and becoming a burden to his family is something he doesn’t want to be. Keiko smiles and kisses the top of his head, like she did when they were kids and Suguru was afraid of the dark.
“After mom is done we’ll go back to the hotel, if you want to leave please tell me and we’ll pack your things, you can stay with me and Yoichi” she says again, she knows better than to press Suguru to say something, he’s always been stubborn with telling others about his feelings “or you can go back to your parents house, i know auntie will receive you happily” she continues, but Suguru isn’t sure what he wants to do.
Wouldn’t he be a coward if he went back to his parent’s house? He’d be throwing away all the kindness his aunt offered him, but he isn’t ready to go back there or near the sea, now he’s afraid and what if that thing follows him? Would he be able to run away from it? Find a place where he can live a normal life without feeling like he’s being chased or trapped?
The door opens and his aunt gestures to leave the room, both of them stand up and Suguru notices he’s not wearing the clothes in which he left the hotel, his aunt seems to read his mind a raises a bag in her hand, it’s his clothes, the need to heave appears again and his mouth fills with the nauseating taste of bile, he’s not sure he can go back and pretend none of this ever happened.
Outside it’s already dark, he left early morning and now it’s late, the sky is less clouded than at morning, but some clouds still gather around, some cover the moon and others simply float, the air is thick and heavy, summer heat feels humid and dense at night and now it bothers every cell of Suguru’s body, his skin itches and his heart beats heavy on his chest; but it isn’t beating fast, it’s a slow rhythm that seems to be trying to remind him that he has a heart and he’s very much alive. A wind current reaches them, cold and strong, as if it was able to read Suguru’s mind and is happy to know he’s still breathing, yet he –himself– is not having it.
Almost thirty-six years ago Sumiko and Suo got married, at the young age of eighteen he asked her to marry him and Sumiko accepted, they married in secret, without both families knowing. A son of a female omega and a male beta; he and his sibling were miracle babies, and she came from two beta parents, she was normal and everybody knows that even in a whole family tree full of betas there was still a small probability of having an alpha or omega baby, but with one omega in the family the probability was higher and to have an omega instead of an alpha was even higher, that’s why Sumiko’s family was so adamant of her not marrying Suo, but they loved each other so much they would have done anything to be together.
Some said it was luck and others talked behind their backs, for fifteen years they tried for a baby and then Suguru was born, he was healthy and unlike many newborns, Geto Suguru was a pretty baby, long lashes and pouty lips like his mom and a sharp nose and thin brows like his father, his parents stared at him too much, never able to keep their eyes away from their baby, always being overprotective and showering him with lots of love, hugs and kisses, night stories and always making sure he had what Suguru wanted.
Once a couple of years had passed, Sumiko’s parents decided to see her daughter’s baby and they were enchanted by Suguru’s sweetness, always polite and smiley, sometimes even shy and pouty, but he has always been a people pleaser, worrying too much about other’s opinions and feelings, but never about his owns. Like every summer he went to his grandma’s home, the omega was always happy to see her grandchildren, unfortunately at the age of ten she noticed a faint scent in Suguru and that clicked something in her head, as soon as she found out, she called his parents and asked them to come, worried they arrived so fast the omega looked at them like they are crazy.
“He’s an omega” the woman said when they finally sat, Suo tried to laugh and shake her off but the only sound that came out of him was a strangled gasp.
Sumiko bit her lips, this changes everything, from the moment his heat arrives Suguru would be always treated like just an omega, one without dreams and hopes and that would mean her parents were always right about what they said twenty-five years ago. It happened two years later, on the last day of school before summer break his heat arrived and Suo’s mother took him with her.
Four days his heat lasted. Suguru didn’t feel aroused or anything heat glazer people said about heats, he was scared and in pain, everyday he cried on his grandmother’s lap and sometimes she would cry too. She helped him bath and eat and his grandfather would often hold his hand at night and caress his hair. Both grandparents took care of him as if at any moment Suguru was going to break. One day he even heard her whisper that she’s sorry to be the reason he’s going through this.
After that week everything went downhill, kids at school started to harass Suguru and girls –often omegas– would make fun of him for being a male omega and worst of all for having a heat. Most male omegas doesn’t have heats, they stay unpresented or if they have the bad luck of presenting they are often irregulars on their heats and infertile, but Suguru was a presented male omega with regular heats and the body change was obvious, it didn’t make it any easier for him.
Suguru doesn’t hate being an omega, he solely thinks betas are lucky to be able to hide their concerns and terrors, they are able to hide from dreadful situations and in general they have more control over themselves than omegas ever could, he doesn’t hate being an omega, he only dislikes the fact that omegas and alphas are slaves to their own weakness and desires. He doesn’t want to be an alpha, he just wishes he was stronger than an omega nor he wants to be a beta, he simply wishes he was able to hide and not be a burden.
After a five minute ride they reach the hotel, Yoichi opens the back door for him and his aunt, Keiko looks at him from the copilot seat and makes that face when she expects an answer from him, but he smiles fondly at her trying to get her to understand that he’ll be fine, even if he doubts he will.
They go in and his uncle is already waiting for them, he asks lots of questions and walks around checking if he’s fine, Suguru tells him he’s fine and the man buffs and shakes his head, his shoulders seem tense and he was probably so worried for him.
“It’s good that you are fine Suguru” the beta says palming his back “when we received the call you aunt run to get you” the man tells him with a shallow smile and shakes his head “you are probably hungry, come eat something, Yui made soba, you like it, don’t you?” Suguru nods and walks with his uncle, his aunt smiles at him with an apologetic expression, she probably felt so guilty for asking him to take the day off.
An hour later, Suguru is about to take a bath before bed, his aunt left the bath ready and he just went to his room to pick up his hair claw and towel. He enters the bathroom and there’s too much steam, Suguru takes off the clothes that he borrowed and folds them to leave outside the washroom. He goes in and opens the shower, the water is warm against his skin, he lets out a relaxed sigh, he lets his hair be damped completely, it has a weird texture thanks to sea water. Suguru turns off the shower and pours some shampoo on his hair, the whole bathroom is in silence excepting the sound of him washing his hair. Drops of water fall and collide with the surface of the full tub, one falls every few minutes and then it happens every minute.
Intoxicating scent of sea water chokes him again, it feel like a weight on his shoulders, heavy and steady, he feels like he’s running out of breath, tears well up his eyes and everything is fuzzy, water from the tub starts to fall like a waterfall, like there’s too much of it and the tub is not enough to contain it. The pungent scent of recently cut fish invades his senses and now not only he can’t breathe properly but he also wants to vomit. Those three words pop up in his head again and he let tears run down his cheeks.
The door opens abruptly and his aunt runs in, she covers his body with a towel, closes the shower and kneels before him, grabs both hands of his in hers and says something, but Suguru doesn’t know any of this is happening, he can only feel water pooling and growing, starting to cover him all and in the mirror a pair of blue electric eyes stare at him, he can feel a breath on his neck.
His aunt tells him to breathe, that he’s hyperventilating, but Suguru is not moving, he’s frozen in his spot, hardly breathing between choked sobs and the tremble of his body. She calls for his uncle and the man comes running, but nothing gets Suguru out of that state, his brain is so short of oxygen that Suguru faints. Finally those eyes vanish, however he still feels them piercing his skin.
For a second he thinks he’s free for today, that now that he has been able to close his eyes he can finally take a break from the stresses today caused, he keeps his eyes closed and he goes limp when his nerve endings send signals that he’s laying on his bed. Peace clouds his mind and then his brain turns down his consciousness to eventually fall asleep.
Sunrays slide into the window, cicadas sing outside and the whole ambiance is lukewarm, the crystal-blue fuurin croon every now and then when a breeze decides to run its way. The pink tanzaku dances even when there’s no wind to accompany it, Suguru hears a deep voice next to him and two arms wrap around him, oh he’s pregnant. A soft kiss is pressed right at his scent gland and his insides feel warm and ticklish, he even feels the baby in him squirm happily.
“I love you” the voice mutters right at his ear and his heart shatters.
A second ago everything was perfect and now the pretty view before him bleeds and becomes something twisted, litmus scales that have the rotten scent of sea water and fish, blue eyes appear back and stare down at him, intensely as if they are trying to shred his soul and eat it slowly and tortuously. Once again the sliding doors of the hotel start to open, they leave a faint echo and every time it sounds closer, the muffled wet footsteps don’t sound like it’s only one person, at least two are coming his way. His body is frozen in place and he can spot how the undeniable scent of salt and cut fish approaches him.
The footsteps stop at his door, he’s almost able to hear a hand raising to slide his door open, his gut twisted anxiously.
His eyes shoot open, sunlight enters his bedroom, everything is calm, he’s able to hear some customers having breakfast downstairs, his heart slows its beating and he lets a shaky breath out, it had been all a dream. Suguru hears someone coming his way, however it’s not the same dense vibe that was approaching him during his sleep. The footsteps stop at his door and when the sliding door is open he sees his cousin is frowning.
“Suguru, why are there scales on your doorstep?” she asks with a tiny doubtful voice, Suguru goes pale and she walks fast to him “Suguru, i need you to tell me what is going on.”
And for the first time in twenty years he wants to say everything that has been tormenting his head, from the harsh comments female omegas said to him back in middle school, to the nightmares he has been having for the past week. Tears start to flow, he tries to refrain himself from crying out loud but sobs start to leave his mouth unintentionally. There’s no coming back now.
Keiko caresses his back, letting him cry and doesn’t say anything. She stays there, making sure he knows she’s there when he’s ready to talk. Since she married three years ago, Keiko has matured a lot, back when Suguru was a kid she would often try to shush him when he started crying –which wasn’t so often– but now she lets him digest his own feelings before letting others help him.
“I’m sorry” he says still sobbing, his voice comes out in this nasal broken tone, and she shakes her head “I-I been having lots of nightmares” he says drying his tears with the back of his hand “and yesterday i saw them” Keiko nods and gives him time to continue.
But, he’s leaving the most important part of the story out, Suguru should tell her about the nightmares, what he hears and especially about last night’s dream. He clears his throat and sucks a breath, his whole torso hurts, it’s hard to breathe when you feel your ribcage so rigid, it feels impossible to inhale and exhale like a normal person.
“I hear the doors open and close at night, at the same time I hear footsteps, wet to be specific, like if you are walking in the wooded floor as soon as you are out of the pool “ he describes, he makes gestures with his hands.
Every word is harder to say, even so he has to keep going, Keiko nods and her frown deepens, she’s just as confused as he is. After explaining what has been going on since he arrived he’s ready to tell her about last night’s dream. Suguru gives a lucid description of the dream, how the place was and what he heard, what it became. Keiko listens carefully and in silence and when he’s done she doesn’t reply right back.
“You’re leaving the hotel, you are coming with me, you’ll come in the morning and work and when you are done, you go back to my apartment” is the first thing she says “Suguru, why didn’t you tell me?” she asks pacing around “I- I mean, never in my life has something like this happen to me and-” I don’t believe you she wants to say but doesn’t “and I don’t want you to think I won’t help you because of that” she says instead.
She stays quiet for a second and then shakes her head, it’s impossible for it to be real, it’s been al a dream and somehow there’s scales outside Suguru’s bedroom as if they were left there on purpose, Keiko doesn’t believe in ghosts or fantasy creatures but it’s just so weird, maybe Suguru is a sleepwalker and he brought those scales from the kitchen.
Keiko tells him to pack his things, she’ll talk to her mom and then she’ll take him back to her apartment to show him around and then how to go from the apartment to the hotel and back. Suguru does as he’s told, he didn’t bring much, three shirts, two shorts and a pair of pants, two pajamas and of course underwear. He puts everything on the bed before putting them in the suitcase he brought them in, when he opens the suit case he spots a weird looking rock, it has pink and sky blue streaks, it has an almost perfect heart-shape and at the back has “summer” written in kanji, Suguru frowns, he has never seen it before and something like wary pulse in his veins.
“It’s a gift” a voice says, the same that told him it loves him and the same that kept talking to him during that dream.
Suguru turns his head to see who it is, but there’s no one, behind him litmus scales are lying on the floor and he feels giddy, he returns to look at the suitcase and he puts the rock away, he turns back to look at the scales and now they are gone. He’s definitely going insane.
The door opens again and Suguru jolts, Keiko looks at him with worry, she walks towards him and helps him pack, she’s talking about last night, that she was talking with Yoichi about their childhood when her dad called him and she told him that today morning she’ll come to see him. Also told him how bad she felt for not being her to help him and that she regrets leaving. Suguru smiles and pushes her softly, mocking her for worrying too much, but it has always been like this. Suguru suddenly remembers how she cried after his first heat, Keiko blushes and tells him he cried with her because he didn’t want her to cry. They share some more laughs before leaving.
Keiko’s apartment isn’t big but it has a spare room and it’s cozy. She tells him Yoichi will probably come before him or her and that he’ll probably have dinner ready when he comes and if he hasn’t Keiko asks him not to offer some help. They walk back to his aunt’s hotel, talking about the last three years, how everything has changed, they talk about Suguru’s parents and about Suguru’s college ditch. She tells him she wants to have kids but she’s infertile and that she’s planning to adopt and Suguru smiles and tells her she’ll be a good mom. They talk about adoption processes and then they finally reach the hotel.
Today is sunny, unlike yesterday, warm and tranquil. Suguru feels relaxed and customers greet him happily, not a single one of them gives him condescending looks or sarcastic greetings, all is so pure and true. It feels surreal but good.
As midday arrives, Yui asks him to help her in the kitchen, they chat a lot, they share childhood memories and they also tell each other why they are working at his aunt’s hotel. Suguru cuts the cucumber while she cuts the tofu for the spring rolls. When it’s time for lunch they are done, he helps serve the food and ends up sharing the meal with his uncle and Yui inside the kitchen. They pick up the empty dishes and clean the tables, after that they wash the dishes and his aunt brings a watermelon to cut and share.
At nine o’clock his aunt tells him to go back to Keiko’s apartment, most of the customers are already in their bedrooms and the guy who helps with night shifts will arrive anytime soon. They share a hug and wave goodbye. He walks in silence, this side of Maizuru is often calmer than downtown or near the beach so it’s easy to hear the waves kissing the sand from here, Suguru tries to keep his head clear and not to think about his nightmares, everything is going to be alright now. Inside the small cross body bag he brought his phone vibrates, he picks it up and the notification announces that his heat is near, his gut twists with guilt, he completely forgot, it’s been three months since his last heat and now it’s time for it.
With a tired huff he puts the phone back in the bag and keeps walking, tomorrow he has to tell his aunt about it and apologize for causing so much trouble. Soon Keiko’s building is in sight and he sees the light of her apartment is on, he goes through the lobby and takes the stairway, he hums some song and when he reaches his cousin’s apartment Yoichi opens the door just in time.
“Oh, hey there, I was about to pick up our food” the beta says with a smile “get in, i’ll pick up the delivery, Keiko will be here in fifteen minutes” Yoichi informs him while looking at his watch.
Suguru smiles and nods “I’ll get a shower if it’s no problem, that way we can wait for Keiko to arrive” and Yoichi nods a couple of times and opens the door for him to go in.
Inside Suguru walks straight to the spare bedroom, he undones his hair and walks to the bathroom, he takes off his clothes and he goes inside to take a quick shower, he opens the door and goes in, here the bathroom is smaller than in his aunt’s hotel. Just to make sure he checks the tub, it’s empty, he releases a shaky breath and turns the shower on.
After thoroughly wetting his hair, he turns off the shower and washes his hair, making sure his scalp is massaged and his hair is well cleaned. And then he hears it, a drop of water hitting the empty surface of the tub, he turns to look at it and he finally sees what has been tormenting him. Sitting inside the tub there’s a merman, with white striking hair and those electric blue eyes that have been tormenting him every time he looks at a mirror. Suguru’s whole body is frozen in place, his hands instinctively wrap around himself, there’s a blueish litmus tail hanging out of the tub and it trembles like a cat’s tail when Suguru notices it.
“You smell sweeter than yesterday” the creature says and a smile forms “but apparently you still fear me, Su-gu-ru” every syllable of his name sounds perfect in his voice, as if the creature is meant to say it, but it’s still uncanny.
In a fast move Suguru grabs the bath bucket and throws it at the creature, the merman squeaks and his face turns red. Suguru wants to scream for help but nothing comes out, the merman covers his face and his body shakes, he moves left and right still covering his face and then looks up at Suguru.
“Why did you do that?” he says, the merman pouts and puts his hands back to his face “it hurts” utters in a lame hurt little voice, but Suguru doesn’t buy whatever show he’s putting up.
Gathering all the mental strength he has, Suguru takes a breath and points at the merman “what is wrong with you?” Suguru’s face goes all red when he remembers he’s very naked “how- what- ugh!!” suddenly all the fear he’s been feeling has become a silly funny feeling that tickles his gut “get out” he mutters shyly turning his back to face the shower again.
Behind him the merman gasps and its tail slaps the outside of the bathtub “unbelievable!” the merman exclaims in an offended tone “first you runaway from me like I’m some kind of monster that has been harassing you-”
“You are a monster that has been harassing me!” Suguru interrupts the merman with an exasperated tone, okay he’s not very fond of discussing everything that has been happening in his life in the bathroom when he’s trying to shower.
The merman rolls his eyes “I’m not finished” he says in a condescending tone “as I was saying, first you run away from me like I’m some monster that has been harassing you, then you despise my gift, which i’ve got to say it took me a really long time to find the perfect rock for you” Suguru turns on the shower and starts to hum, pretending not to hear, the merman’s brow twitches but he keeps going “and now you throw at me whatever this thing is!” The creature lets out a dramatic sound and lays like a dead body in the bathtub.
Suguru turns off the shower and turns his head to look at the merman, who opens slightly his eye to see Suguru’s reaction, there’s an annoyed expression drawn in his face and the merman feels disappointed. With a slow shake of his head Suguru leaves the bathroom and starts to dry himself. Suddenly he hears footsteps from inside the bath and he turns to see the merman now in a man’s body walking towards him, Suguru’s jaw drops open, can he do that??
“Suguru?” he hears him ask in a nervous tone “Suguru, don’t leave me, please” the merman-man(? don’t ask, Suguru is just as confused) drops to his knees and walks or crawls…? Towards Suguru “I’ll be good, please” nuh-uh, Suguru’s not doing that, why would he listen to a sea creature?
Suguru stands up and closes the door at the whatever-that-thing-is face. He puts on his pajamas and starts to dry his hair with the towel. He leaves the bathroom and Keiko is already home, Suguru waves at her and she smiles big at him, Yoichi is setting the table and Keiko is heating some soup she made for lunch. He asks to help but the married couple tells him to sit and wait for the food, he does as he’s told to.
Keiko starts to talk about some office drama, Yoichi seems very interested in whatever his wife says, sometimes only nodding and others replying with hyperboles, Suguru chuckles watching their exchange. Then Yoichi shares about his day, he’s a vet and most of the time he spends check in hospitalized pets, since Maizuru doesn’t have many animals that need help, then he shares the story of a turtle that had been staying almost a month at the vet but finally was discharged, her owner –a very old beta– cried seeing her friend after a long time. After eating, Suguru helps clear the table but both Yoichi and Keiko dismiss him and tell him to go to sleep, that they’ll wash the dishes. They say goodnight and Suguru walks to the bathroom to wash his teeth and when he opens the door, the merman peaks his head and Suguru huffs.
“Why are you still here?” he asks the merman, but it’s a rhetorical question, clearly the merman doesn’t know about it because he sits next to Suguru’s feet and fidgets with his fingers.
The merman raises his head to look at Suguru, who keeps doing what he came in here to “because I want to be with you” the creature says and Suguru’s nose wrinkles his nose.
He keeps brushing his teeth trying to pretend the merman is not sitting at his feet like a child, he finished brushing his teeth, he uses some mouthwash and finally looks down at the merman, his long limbs make him look sillier than he is, the man is not ugly, actually is very handsome but it is still insane this thing has been harassing him for a week and almost killed him, which isn’t Suguru’s favorite way of courting, actually he’d rather receive some flowers or at least a random picture with the caption “it made me think of you”, something more romantic that trying to murder him, you know, right?
“You have to leave, my cousin and her husband will want to wash themselves before bed and I don’t want you to scare them” Suguru says looking at the merman from the door “and please, leave me alone” he says in a low tone, almost pleading and definitely tired.
He goes to the spare bedroom and lays in his bed, he lets out a tired sigh and after a couple of minutes he hears Keiko –or Yoichi– go to the bathroom, his body tense but he doesn’t hear anything, not a scream or a complaint. ‘Good’ Suguru thinks before falling asleep.
For the first time in days his body relaxes completely, now that he knows that the merman is the one that has been stalking him during his sleep, his brain can finally stop being so wary about it. In this state it is easy to dream and not be alert all the time. Suguru is able to smell the faint scent of oranges, the ambiance is calm and lukewarm, there’s a jazz-type song playing in the background, the fuurin is the exact same as the one from that dream, but Suguru can’t bring himself to worry, his back hurts and he lets out a pained sound, as soon as he does he feels a pair of lips leave a chaste kiss on his shoulder and a pair of hands give him a massage in his back, the person says something, but it sounds like the other person is underwater.
He nods pretending to understand whatever the other person is saying, he closes his eyes, sunrays dance its way through the window and everything is perfect. The murmur of ruffling bothers him but then he feels a pair of heavy warm hands hold him by the waist, he opens his eyes to see what is going on, but he’s only able to see he’s heavily pregnant, his baby bump covers most of his down half and it makes him uncomfortable. A hand touches his thighs and instead of being aroused it scares him. The touch turns insistent, groping his skin and he feels a finger brush his entrance.
“No, please” he cries and in the background he hears drops of water crashing on the tub’s surface, his head turns to the sound but he can’t see anything, behind him everything is black, the finger makes his way inside him.
Suguru wants to wake up, to stop this nightmare, he’d rather be tormented by the merman than be raped in his own dream. He tries to squirm, to break free from the hold, but everything seems useless, the grip is steel strong and keeps him in place, no matter how hard he tries his hip stays seated. Like a chant he hears the merman's voice whisper to his ear those three words, Suguru feels like he’s back underwater, another finger makes its way into him and Suguru lets out a loud sob.
“I love you” says the voice as the rotten scent of sea water and recently cut fish fills his lungs. “I love you” it says as a hand wraps around his neck, languid and boney fingers –like those girl’s– hold tightly around his throat, choking him “I love you” it insists, clenching and tightening its grip “say that you love me.”
That one is an order, but Suguru doesn’t think he should say it, he doesn’t love the merman and he doesn’t think he’ll ever do after this –after all. Suguru shakes his head and tries to get those fingers away from his neck, but it’s impossible. Then he hears it, a door opening and footsteps –wet footsteps– approaching him, salt is in the air and it feels like he’s at the beach, it feels intoxicating and it burns his bronchi, it itches and is uncomfortable.
In a fast motion he starts to kick and finally is able to push those hands away from him. He stands and turns to see the black nothingness and runs towards it, every step he takes he feels his body is becoming heavier, it’s harder to breathe and water starts to flood the place, he starts to swim, water keeps rising and it's even more difficult to get some air, now most of the time he swims underwater.
Now he realizes that the swimming classes are really useful, breaststroke is the best in this situation, making it easier to move underwater, the frog-like kick helps him move further and the arm pull eases the water tension, which facilitates swimming. At far he sees a source of light, quickening his pace he swims towards it, hoping he will escape this nightmare.
“Suguru, I love you” he hears the voice echo and ripple through the water, the vibrations of it resound in his bones, every word has a different frequency and feels different, his name is heavy and it hits him like a trunk.
Light becomes blinding the more he gets close to it, he hears like someone is walking near him, like he is walking really close to him, trying to get him and finally accomplish his desires. Suguru thinks once again that death is the best he can get out of all of this, he will agree to anything with the sole condition of dying first. Hope warms his chest as he gets closer.
Once again he opens his eyes, he hears Keiko and Yoichi talking outside, he looks around, the spare room has white walls and a small desk, the window is big enough to let a considerable amount of light, from here is hard to hear the sea, but you can hear birds chirping and dogs barking, it’s calm and comforting in a way his aunt’s hotel was never. Suguru stays there awake for a couple of seconds before deciding to stand up and have breakfast. As he does he spots the rock, the one he was sure he left at his aunt’s hotel is now sitting on the desk looking at him and setting a sick gut twisting feeling inside him.
The door opens and Keiko goes in, she smiles when she sees he’s up “it’s good that you are up, I left breakfast for you on the table” she says looking around and walking towards the desk “this one is pretty, where did you get it?” Keiko asks, picking up the rock and turning around.
If there is a god or a goddess or anything out there who can help him, please let the earth swallow him up. Suguru shifts uncomfortably and then he huffs “I don’t know, yesterday i found it in my suitcase and I was sure I left it at aunt’s hotel” he admits with his head lowered, so he doesn’t see when Keiko frowns.
Keiko sighs and leaves the rock from where she picked it up. She scratches her nape and lets out a resigned sigh “I- I really wish i could help you” she utters lowering herself to be at the same high of Suguru’s eyes “and I’m sorry I can’t” she whispers and Suguru feels bad for causing so much trouble.
Decay is the best word to describe the withering of his mental health, on long term he’s already dragging the people he loves with him and it’s maddening how powerless he finds himself being, he wishes everything that is happening is going on only in the cortex of his cerebral matter, silently he hopes that he’s really going insane and he’s the one making himself feel this way; so lame and pathetic. Yet, he doesn’t what none of this, either for it to be real or just some stupid tricks his mind is playing against him, he’d rather for it to be like a month ago, when he was still at college, living a good life –a happy one– instead of the nightmare he’s trapped in now.
Is there any way to escape this reality? There sure is, but what if he is forever trapped in here? This doesn’t feel like it’s just a random thing that simply popped in his head, no this is something more deep and strange as if he’s confined in a liminal space, with no one around to help him run away from here, to go back to his reality.
He doesn’t notice when Keiko leaves –it’s better this way– he doesn’t know what so say either, honestly he doesn’t know anything anymore, everything is fuzzy and confusing, he doesn’t want to explore those feelings Suguru chooses to let them exist and he wills to digest them, even if it feels like he’s swallowing a rag used to wipe up vomit, awful and nauseating, something any human being would avoid even being around of, but he’s not any human being, is he?
Listlessly he walks to the dining table, apple is cut in star-shaped and there’s some miso soup and rice, orange juice and a cup of tee –green tee, his favorite– he smiles and feels sad out of the blue, he’s loved and he can’t bring nothing to the table more than disgrace and distraught, because that is what he is, isn't he?
Suguru eats in silence, letting all his feelings overflow and tears fall, he tries not to sob, tries not to think, not to drown again, however he finds himself so hopeless and there is simply no way this is happening to him, nonetheless Suguru knows he has been cursed all his life.
Exhausted he walks to the bathroom to wash his face and teeth, inside the atmosphere is dense and somewhat foggy, he gulps and walks in. Turns the tap on and washes his teeth pretending he doesn’t feel the eerie energy that surrounds him. He closes his eyes avoiding the mirror –he’s still afraid of those eyes– and then he feels it stand behind him, Suguru tries to ease his mind by thinking of Kaonashi; even if the creature represents greed it’s kind of cute –in a way the merman and his bizarre aura aren’t– and it actually helps him relax a bit.
The exact same way he brushed his teeth Suguru washes his face, with his eyes closed and avoiding the mirror, he does some face massages before washing off the soap and for a second he catches himself in the mirror and behind him the merman, scared he turns his body and he isn’t there, his stomach shrinks and his heart starts to beat so hard he’s able to hear it as if it was in his ears and tastes the metallic flavor of blood in his tongue. Suguru dries his face quickly and leaves the bathroom as fast as he can.
In his bedroom he changes his clothes and makes his bed before leaving the apartment, he does everything so fast he’s walking to the hotel an hour before his shift starts, it’s fine though, he can walk in peace and try to calm himself, he can’t get there looking like he saw a freaking ghost and alarm his aunt again, she will send him back and ask him to take a break if he’s still feeling bad, he would accept if he isn’t so afraid of going back and staying alone in there, except he is and he rather be working and keeping his mind busy than worrying for the mad merman that has chosen to harass him.
Yui is picking up breakfast dishes when he arrives, they share a smile and Suguru goes straight to the bedrooms to clean them and change the futons. Walking down the hallway he sees his aunt and he bows slightly to her, some of the customers are still sleeping so she takes care of opening the hall windows and since some others have already left and ask for their rooms to be cleaned Suguru is doing that instead of his aunt.
The morning is always the most peaceful time of the day, since most of the customers wake up late and majority of the ones who are up early choose to eat out in downtown. Suguru likes the calmness of morning, but he still feels his sense tingling with anticipation, like that energy is still around him. He tries not to think about it and pretend it isn’t there, however every time he passes near the bathrooms or a water source his skin prickles.
All the customers have left before midday, some of them had breakfast before leaving ans Suguru helped pick up the dishes, but he didn’t ask to help washing them, something about seeing or touching water makes him sick so now he is cleaning the top floor bedrooms, changing the futons and vacuuming the tatami floors, there’s only one room left and he’ll be done. He goes in and walks straight up to the windows to open them, then he picks up the futons and takes them out of the room and brings in the vacuum. The sound isn’t loud, Suguru can hear some dog barking near the hotel.
Within seconds the window closes and Suguru jolts, he walks towards it to open yet it doesn’t, it’s like something is pushing the windows to stay closed and not open, he keeps pushing but it’s useless, then behind him the vacuum turns on and moves towards him, he grimaces and walks to it to turn it off but the button isn’t working, he grabs the cable and disconnects it and yet it keeps going, the windows open again and the sliding doors close in a silent thud. Suguru closes his eyes and his fist clenches, he takes a deep breath and takes a step to the door, but the tatami floor has been changed to scales and the walls have shifted and become deep blue barriers.
Suguru looks around trying to find his way back, he needs to keep calm otherwise he won’t be able to find his way out of this prison. Unlike his dreams or the time he drowned, now he has his mind clear, if this is something that is only going on inside his head he can escape it, he’ll wake up from this as if it is another dream, he only has to find his way out.
Mentally he cheers for himself and with a renewed boost of confidence and energy he tries to take another step, but he’s glued to the place he’s standing in, his body doesn’t seem to respond to his motivation, yet he won’t let it frustrate him, he tries again, tries to raise his foot and take a step away from where he’s standing, however his body doesn’t respond, both arms and head moves, except his legs and hip.
Slowly he feels something climbing his legs, they are thin and cold, they stick firmly to his skin with the sucking motion of an octopus suckers, he wants to look at them but now his whole body is frozen in place, his head can’t move downwards and he can’t tell if he’s able to move his arms. Suguru tries to relax and convince himself that none of this is happening, that all is a product of his stressed mind and he’ll be safe if he keeps his cool down.
From a far he hears his aunt calling him, her voice is almost imperceptible, she sounds like he’s underwater and she’s talking to him, it’s virtually unintelligible, besides it’s like she’s speaking anything but japanese and the only thing she’s saying right is his name –or at least is the only thing that he can understand, he tries to call for her but his voice doesn’t come out, he’s silenced and somehow it’s not because he’s afraid, right now he’s very lucid and fearless.
“You are staying with me” a voice mutters right to his ear “please Suguru, you have to stay with me” the tone shifts to a pleading one, each word resounds in his bones with so much pain in them Suguru actually feels compassion.
He shakes his head, he can’t stay with anyone he doesn’t love and especially not with some creature that has been trying to hurt him. That’s not how love works, he believes in forgiveness but he can’t forgive all the pain and fear the merman-man-or-whatever-that-thing-is has caused in him, no matter if the creature force him to stay, he still remembers how he ordered him to say he loves him back, he can lie to anyone but himself and saying those words would mean he’s accepting the cruel ending the merman has prepared for him and he can bear with the thought of that.
Those sticky things keep climbing his body, the ones in his rib cage exert too much pressure air leaves his lungs, he feels them in his arms and walking up his spine, the ones in his front swell in his heart area and start to suck, hard and steady, it seems like they are trying to steal his heart in the least metaphorical way possible, the pain is so intense he’s certain they’ll tear his heart out of his chest.
“Stop” he pleads with a broke voice “please stop, i don’t want this” he says squeezing his eyes shut hoping that way pain would simply go away and he can finally be left alone “you don’t want this either” Suguru tries again and that actually stops the sucking motion “you don’t want to hurt me, do you?” he whispers and the bubble that surrounds him pops.
His aunt has him laying his head on her lap, she is saying something but he can’t understand what it is, he’s only able to see her lips moving, behind her Suguru can feel the eerie energy of the merman spying on them, he sits and then he sees it clearly, the merman doesn’t have the same form he had last night, this one looks scarier and less friendly than the one who was sat in the bathtub last night, even those blue electric eyes seem demonic.
“He-” Suguru says, maybe if he can get his aunt to see him he’ll finally understand really what is going on “he’s behind you” he says with his voice shaking, his aunt turns her head back and sees nothing.
“Suguru, there is no one there” but Suguru can see him, staring at him, with mockery and then he vanishes, leaving only the bioluminescent trail of the color of his blue eyes “are you okay?” his aunt asks and he nods.
For a second he wants to really tell her everything but then–when he opens his mouth– all he says is “next week is my heat, maybe I’m going all crazy because of it” and his aunt gives him a sympathetic smile.
She stands and straightens her clothes “then next week you have it off and if you think you need more rest take the break starting tomorrow” his aunt says and starts to walk away “please, take care of yourself, Suguru-chan.”
Forcing a smile he nods “I think I’ll be fine tomorrow” and then his aunt completely leaves him alone in the room.
The rest of the day he stays quiet, thinking again and again about midday, how those words quickly eased the merman and actually worked to set himself free. He doesn’t understand why this creature has chosen him and he can’t quite understand how telling him that he doesn’t want to hurt him really got him out of that situation. Honestly nothing makes sense in his life anymore.