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Sirius and James ran an evening radio channel, starting at 10 p.m. and concluding around 3 a.m., entertaining late-night listeners with long shifts, light conversations, awkward segments, and live and scheduled call-ins.
That evening, they had the segment Why you're not answering?, It was very popular; the night owls enjoyed seeing others like them being called, listened to and, now and then, mocked or pitied.
Every week, several e-mails arrived about boys and girls who were dumped or no longer receiving responses from the person they were talking to, or dating, or in a relationship, or even married! No one was excluded.
That time, Sirius found an email from a guy named Benjy, who was trying to get back in touch with the guy he was seeing. From what he wrote, they'd been together for over a year, things were going great, and then, out of the blue, the guy stopped talking to him, answering calls, or texting him. He completely disappeared for three weeks. Then he saw him at his workplace, but hadn't been able to talk to him even once. Two weeks later, he was there seeking help.
Sirius, Padfoot on the show, carefully read the email a few times, finding out that the phone number of the boy they had to call was not one of their most active listeners. Benjy must have been pretty stupid to go and ask them, but maybe he didn't know he listened to that radio show? He saved the contact for later, preparing the script for the rest of the evening.
When James arrived at the studio, almost everything was ready. Peter was in the next room, ready to respond to any problems, objectionable words, or unusual additions.
Three...two...one...they were live!
"Well, hello! Welcome back to Prongsfoot radio show!" James exclaimed, smiling back at Sirius, who was next to him.
"As you know, today we have our Why you're not answering?, and a boy named Benjy e-mailed us asking to reach out to a boy!" Sirius continued, a sound adding in the background.
"He's here with us, say hi, Benjy!"
"Hi guys! Wow, this is crazy," Benjy entered the vocal chat.
"Well, Benjy, tell us a little about why you want to call this dude out!" Prongs come back.
"Well, we went out together for a while and then, all of a sudden, a month ago, he stopped answering my texts! Which was strange, if you ask me, 'cause he's a little, uhm...how can I say it?"
"Use your words, Benjy!" Sirius joked, and Peter, from the sound room, was visible, laughing at them. James was dazzled too, but had to mask his sounds.
"He has attachment issues, that's it, he really, really, gets pretty annoying sometimes, but he's sweet, and caring, and we had a lot of great sex", the man continued. Peter had to move fast and cancel the last word with a claxon sound.
"Remember, we're on air, Benjy", James entered the conversation. What a great start.
"Yeah, sorry, dude, but he really is great at taking it".
"So you want us to reach this guy, whose name is..." Sirius asked, even if he knew, he had to make sure Benjy said his name.
"Remus".
"...whose name is Remus, because he satisfied you?"
"Pretty much, yes, we had a connection- not only there! Of course, not only in bed. I wanna know where he is, if he's alright, you know?" He had the finesse to sound mortified "It's been almost five weeks since the last time we talked, and he's never stayed so much without reaching out".
Benjy then talked about their first meeting. Remus worked in a bookstore. He had to take something for his niece, they talked and went for a coffee a couple of days after. Sirius couldn't really see this connection, but maybe he was only jealous that the man had a chance with the bookseller. When he saw the number they had to call, Padfoot knew who he was; he, Remus, was a regular listener, always right on the pop quiz, always with the right answer, had a story with that...thing that called himself a man.
"Benjy, you're gonna get your answer soon!" James blurted out.
"Right after Expresso, by Sabrina Carpenter", Sirius added.
The music started, and the light became red again, a sign that they could speak without being heard by anyone, except for Peter.
"Goddamit, Prongs, he's a douche", Sirius sighed, running a hand through his hair.
"Well, we just need to call this Remus, and we'll never hear from him again", James stated.
"You know, we know this Remus...he's the intelligent one, the one who's out late at night, th-"
Sirius was then interrupted by James, "The one you like, yeah, I know who he is" he laughed, receiving a glance in return "Your Moony, is the poor man this...douchebag was dating? Poor taste, Pads, you sure you want him- What? I can't hear you if you muffle your voice"
"I don't wanna date him, Prongs! He- he has great taste in music, alright?" Sirius scoffed.
"Yeah, yeah, we're on air in three, two, one..." James turned on the microphone "We're back! Ready to call Remus. Benjy, 're you ready?"
"Oh yeah, pal!"
"Padfoot, you're on the call"
"Let's see if Remus answers," Sirius opened the second line, hoping Remus would answer.
"Hello?" a fourth voice asked. Sirius smiled.
"Oh, hi! Can I talk to Remus, please?"
"You are", he seemed a bit annoyed...maybe he had listened to it all?
"Hi, Remus! I'm Padfoot, from Prongsfoot radio show!"
"Yeah, I know, I usually listen to you guys"
"How cute, Remus!" James interfered, "We have something to ask you"
"Go on, I'm listening," he said. There was a noise in the background, as if he had sat down, something clanged, maybe a cup of tea.
"You probably know how this works, but...someone emailed us about you, Remus! Benjy wanted to know why you're not answering him," Sirius started, but Remus was faster.
"Did he? Did he even tell you he was fucking another man in my bed while I was working, or did he forget? Did he tell you he was seeing four other men while being committed to me? Or, did he talk about having a damn sexually transmitted disease that I had to find out all alone and to be cured, I had to be hospitalised? Did he? Allow me: HE DIDN'T. And you know how I know he didn't, Padfoot?" Remus was angry, as if he was expecting to tell this story to someone.
Sirius was in pure bliss. Now that was a way to tell a story! He was pretty mad Remus was ill, and by the time they gave, when he was ill, his frequency on the radio increased, not that he was taking count, of course.
"Please, Remus, I would like to know how", he answered, asking Peter to continue keeping Benjy muted.
James was listening with his mouth open. Sirius was mad.
"I was listening, Padfoot, like every other night, I was listening to you two chatting, hoping to distract myself from the long workday, only to find out I'm really good at taking it".
"Remus...can we open Benjy's microphone?" James asked since Sirius wasn't moving.
Remus hummed, James nodded in Peter's direction, and Benjy started talking again.
"I did no such thing! I was dating only you!" Benjy beamed.
"Well then, do you remember last time we saw each other?" Remus asked.
"Yes! Almost six weeks ago! At our usual bar"
"No, Fenwick", James was really invested in the situation now "I left work earlier for you, only to come back to my house where you were screaming...who was it? Gid! Oh, Gid, keep going!"
"You weren't supposed to be there!" Benjy cried out loud.
"So you admit you were fucking someone else!" Remus almost screamed.
"I was practising for you! Please, Remus, come back, they aren't you"
"I do not ever want you, Benjy, am I clear?" The man was breathing heavily.
"Remmy-"
"Alright, fuck off, Fenwick, you're not welcome on this radio station anymore", it was always James.
"Wait, you can't! I called-" but he was disconnected right after.
"Remus, we usually offer the couple a date or a meeting. Is there something we can do for you?" Sirius finally asked, and if he concentrated, he could listen to Remus' harsh breathing, "Remus?"
"You can't give me two years back, don't you?" he sighed.
"We can't mate, but...how much did you spend on meds?" James questioned.
"Way too much", Remus scoffed.
"How much?" Sirius repeated.
"Like... four hundred?"
"What? The hell did he transmit to you?"
"Ugh...STIs, such as trichomoniasis, and- and HPV, Papilloma virus", he sighed.
"Shit, Remus, I'm- we're so sorry. This is really not a conversation for the radio. Prongs?"
"Pads? Mh, yes. Dear listeners...for tonight we end here the broadcast! We're sorry! Here are the songs you requested!" and with that, James closed the radio show, Peter left the two of them with Remus on line two.
"Still there, Remus?"
"Yes, Prongs"
"James, call me James, yeah?"
"And I'm Sirius. Listen, Remus..."
"Are you really called after the brightest star?" he laughed.
"My parents were...peculiar", Sirius tried.
"Peculiar? They were the craziest shit on Earth!" James added, making Remus laugh again.
"Do not laugh, you! What name is Remus?" Sirius tried to change the subject.
"One given by two lovers of classical mythology to their son?"
The three of them talked for a while, going from how they had chosen their stage names to hobbies and passions, little talks in general.
"Getting serious again...Remus, how are you now?" James asked, "How...how did it go?"
"I'm better now, HPV will take a couple of years to completely go away...they had to operate on me to remove some cells that would become a tumour from my oropharynx, luckily most of the symptoms weren't too drastic, but for three weeks I had to stay in that bed becouse of him" Remus was mad, and both James and Sirius could understand it.
"What do you think of meeting up, Remus?" James asked.
"Wait, really?"
"Yeah? You're fun! And I have to embarrass Sirius in front of his Moony" Prongs giggled while Padfoot sighed.
"His- what? Moony?"
"Don't listen to him, Remus, he-" but Sirius was stopped by James, again, ready to embarrass him even more.
"He calls you like this, you know? 'Cause you always answer during the night"
"Sirius...this is pretty cute, actually, thanks, no one ever gave me a nickname, can I- uh, can you use it?"
"When we'll see each other", Sirius said, a smile on his face. James rolled his eyes, pushing a bit on his friend.