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Red kills Charlie kirk

Summary:

Red kills Charlie kirk (He didn't mean it)

I FORGOT TO MENTION RED AND GREEN GET FREAKY IM SRRY TWIN 😭✌️

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Red looks for his next victim to gun down

He sees a large group of people and remembers what Green always says about large crowds

Red: "shoot and run" he mutters

Red smirks as he finds a good trail to run

Red: "All I gotta do is shoot.."

He aims for the main man on the stage in the front and fires

Red bolts sweat trickling down his forehead

Red laughs as he runs to skeld to get to polus

The people behind him scream in horror

Red: "Geez over dramatic much?"

Red: "big babies"

Red chuckles as he closes the skeld doors

Gray sits on the uncomfortable skeld chairs

Gray: "Whats so funny?"

Red: "I just killed someone"

Gray: "Its never THAT funny"

Gray: "What ACTUALLY happened"

Red: "The croud was so over dramatic!" "They were screaming and crying because some motivational speaker died"

Gray: "Whatever"

Red rolls his eyes

Red: "If you didn't care why did you ask?"

Red sits next to Green and puts his legs up on the other empty seat

Red: "Hey hotcock"

Green: "Sup Red"

Green: "Do you know why yellow keeps calling me?"

Red: "Not really"

Green scoffs

Green: "come on if he's mad and able to call me it's totes your fault"

Red stretches

Red: "I killed some motivational speaker or something"

Red: "Maybe he liked the guy I don't know"

Green: "Mind aswell pick up"

Green picks up the phone to hear sad and enraged yellow on the other line

Yellow: "Charlie kirk is FUCKING DEAD!"

Green looks confused

Green: "Who even is that?"

Red is still sprawled on the 2 chairs, unaware that he just killed a right-wing political activist

Yellow hangs up angrily grumbling about Green's lack of intelligence

Green: "Wow! dick alert.."

Red scoffed

Red: "So what's he even mad about?"

Green: "Some dude named Charlie kirk died"

Red looks confused

Red: "Cool?"

Gray looks intrigued

Gray: "What about Charlie kirk?"

Red: "I dunno he's dead"

Gray looks surprised

Gray: "Really?"

Green: "Yeah"

Gray gets up and does a backflip

Green: "ok"

Red looks worried

Red: "What did this guy LOOK like?"

Gray: "White, weird hair, weird face, ugly smile, square head".

Red stays silent, That matches the man he just shot

Red: "Alright..."

Green: "Dude you look sweaty"

They land next to airship and the doors blast open

Black and white stand with a furious yellow keeping their knifes close to his mouth so he doesn't scream

White giggles

They lean towards Red

White: "Did you hear the news?"

Black silently sits down holding onto yellow like he's a popsicle

Red: "Yeah?"

Red: "What about it?"

White: "How saddd"

White mimics a tear from their eye while giggling

They walk away and sit next to black

Yellow: "Can I speak now?"

Black grumbles like that was the stupidest question ever

White: "I mean I don't mind"

Black gives a small thumbs up

Yellow: "Green I swear!"

Yellow continues to lecture Green while being 7 feet in the air and now upside down

The screaming match goes on until pink and her two kids walk in

Pink: "Put my husband down!"

Black scoffs and shakes yellow like a rattle before throwing him down on his face

Pink kneels down to yellow

Pink: "Why were you screaming so loudly?"

Green: "He's mad Charlie kirk died and I don't care"

Pink looks sad and stares at yellow

Pink: "Dearie I never knew you were a Conservative.."

Yellow doesn't look ashamed infact he looks really proud

Black looks annoyed while White rolls their eyes

Red rasies his hand

Pink: "Whats up red"

Red: "Can we throw out yellow"

Black smiles

White: "Yeah can we throw yellow overboard?"

Black grabs yellow and dangles him out the window

Pink: "MY HUSBAND!!"

Pink: "YOU KNOW I DONT MIND BEING A TRAD WIFE!"

Yellow: "Really?"

Pink: "no"

Black chuckles and pulls yellow closer to her mouth

Black: "𝓘'𝓶 𝓰𝓸𝓷𝓷𝓪 𝓽𝓸𝓾𝓬𝓱 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓘𝓷 𝓿𝓪𝓻𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼 𝓼𝓮𝔁𝓾𝓪𝓵 𝔀𝓪𝔂𝓼"

Yellow blushes

Yellow: "Oh my god please do"

Pink: "What?"

Pink: "What did he say?"

Black continues to hold onto yellow as they speak with white

White: "Ohh I see"

White: "Absolutely"

Skeld lands on plous and the three walk away with a very flustered yellow

Red follows slowly behind them with green, pink and gray trailing behind him

Green: "Red!" "Wait up!!"

Gray: "Yeah red!"

Pink runs past red, trying to catch up with yellow, her kids running behind

Red walks into lab trying to pretend not to hear them

Green and gray corner him in specimen

Gray: "Dude I need to ask why you got so nervous when I told you what Charlie kirk looked like"

Red: "He just sounded.. really ugly." "And I get really nervous around people.. I consider ugly"

Green looks suspicious

Red: "Come on Green!" "Don't look at me like that!"

Gray: "You're telling me that the description of Charlie kirk scares you?"

Red: "yes"

Green: "I'm sorry but that is so unbelievable"

Yellow dizzily walks in with black and white following behind with maroon laughing

Pink scurrys in angrily

Green: "Come on dude it's not that hard!"

Red starts to tear up

Gray: "Dude you are NOT afraid of ugly people just tell the truth!"

Red mumbles

Green: "What?"

Red: "I-"

Gray: "Say it!"

Red: "I Killed Charlie kirk! IT'S MY FAULT!"

The room goes silent

Red: "I-I shot him.."

Yellow pushes the two out of the way and pins Red to the wall

Yellow: "You.. WHAT?!"

Yellow curls up his fist and says a slur against gay people that I'm NOT FUCKING WRITING

Yellow: "I can't fucking BELIEVE YOU!"

Red looks scared but then remembers he has a litteral gun

Red immediately shoots yellow before he can say another slur

Red is still crying and runs away and drops 50mg of crack

Gray: "Hey mom?"

Black: "What?"

Gray: "Can I.." "Have crack"

Black: "Ts pmo tsl fo tuff"

Gray: "ok"

Gray violently snorts crack, has a seizure and dies

Green: "Red! Come back!!"

Green sprints after Red

Red is weeping in a corner

Green: "Oh red.."

Green: "Do you want to get 𝓕𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂"

Red: "s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-sempai!! a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-absolutely!!"

Green bends Red over on his knee and fingers his slowly and sweetly

Red: "Ngh~"

Green: "Gooood boooy"

Green: "You're a good boy righttt~"

Red: "Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-yes H-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-hotcock~"

Red whimpers and moans as green goes deeper and deeper

Green: "You're getting extra stuffing for shooting Charlie kirk"

Red: "A-Ah~ T-t-t-thank you hotcock.."

Red moans as he gets as promised

Red: "I-I-I-I wanna give you something in return"

Red starts to give Green sloppy head

Green: "Goood boy"

Green pushes Red deeper

Red grabs Green's hips

Green looks flustered

(They lowk get freaky freaky for another hour)

Red and green walk out of specimen room, holding hands

Red: "We should tell Warchief and Jelqer"

Green: "Who is Warchief"

Red: "ok"

Pink sniffles

Pink: "Poor Charile kirk lowkey I'm so sad"

Red: "Mb fam"

Pink: "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU UGLY OBESE TWINK"

Red: "Damn nvm I'm gonna kill Charile kirk again"

Pink: "Please red I'm kinda Charlie kirkless"

Pink cries

Pink: "Why you trying not to laugh vro that's disrespectful as shit"

As Pink cries, the two walk away

They walk on Black sitting alone in cafe

Black grumbles when they see the 2

Black: "I cannot believe you killed Charlie kirk"

Black does a kick flip

Black: "You are so skibidi lowk no cap"

Red: "Ty gng"

Green: "Where White I NEED their eyeshadow routine"

Black sighed and points outside towards the lava pit

White is talking to maroon about eyeliner or something idfk man I want some lays

Red: "Please help White"

White: "With what?"

Green: "WE NEEEED AN EYESHADOW TUT PLEASE GNG I'LL SUCK UR DIHH FOR IT OMFG PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE "

White: "Lowk you killed Charlie kirk and I fw with that"

Red: "Please vro"

White: "so sure"

Green: "THANK GOD"

Maroon: "Did yall just forget I even exist"

Red gets scared by Maroon jump scaring him and emptys his gun barrel

White stares in horror

White: "Nvm vro that's really uncool"

Green: "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO"

Green: "I NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED THIS EYESHADOW TUT RIGHT FUCKING NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW"

White: "lmao keep crying"

Green: "I'M GOING TO COMMIT THE BLOOD EAGEL ON YOU"

White stops laughing

White: "What?"

Green: "ℜ𝔢𝔡 𝔤𝔢𝔱 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔠𝔯𝔬𝔰𝔰"

Red: "duhhh oke"

White chuckles

White: "You're kidding right?"

Red comes back with a giant cross and hammers it into the ground

Green: "Ok you do the restraining red"

Green: "Alr chat if white screams they a little goo goo gaga baby"

White: "LET GO OF ME THE FUCK???"

Green starts a small cut on whites back

White: "owwwww :("

Green: "haha little baby"

Green proceeds to rip apart their ribcage

White:

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White dies of blood loss or smth

Green rips out their lungs and pins them to a cross

Green: "Thats a W bois no cap!1!11!!!"

Red: "ok"

Black: "My polycouple bro.."

Green: "Mb but they didn't spill eyeshadow routine"

Black: "Why is maroon dead then"

Red: "He scare me :("

Black starts to tear up

Red: "what?"

Black: "I have been diagnosed with genital herpes"

Green: "Totally radical bro!"

Red: "Thats so skibidi fam!"

Black: "You two make me want to commit unspeakable crimes on Germany in 2067"

Red: "HOLY SHIT SHE JUST SAID 67"

Green: "67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67"

Black: "NO"

Green: "67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67 67"

Black: "AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Black bashes their head into a rock

Red: "..."

Green: "..."

Red: "That was NOT skibidi"

Notes:

:3