Chapter Text
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She was a mess. She has never felt like this before. It had been over two weeks since their blown up diner date and things were awful. She
was just hurt.
Simple as that.
She had a hard time understanding Oliver’s behavior the first couple of days after their “talk” in the hospital hallway, or as she likes to call it “the day I got my heart crushed”. He just shut her out. Even if she did not agree with him and his reasons to not pursue their … whatever they had … she thought that they would manage to be civil around each other and make things work during their night time activities.
But oh boy was she wrong.
He barely looked at her, only acknowledging her with a small nod, tight fake smile and clenched fists.
So she decided that she was done hoping for him to get his head out of his ass. She was a damn grown smart beautiful independent woman. So what if it hurt? So what if she spends her time daydreaming about what they relationship would have looked like? So what if she always wants to cry every damn time she catches him looking and smiling at Sara? That pain in her heart was now a familiar feeling and she just has to learn how to live with it.
She decided that she would never let him see how much he hurt her. She would count to ten and calm her breathing every time Sara would kiss him on the cheek and be so touchy him, in order to not cry. No, she would never cry in front of him. She only allows herself to cry at home. Her safe haven, the only place where she gets to be hurt and sad and angry.
Damn she has the right to.
She was currently sitting at her desk in the foundry updating her babies while Diggle was sited beside her cleaning his guns. Oliver and Sara were sparring on the mats.
“You doing alright?”
Digg asked her his tone and eyes so full of worry and care.
Thank god for John Diggle, she honestly does not know if she could keep this up without him. They had grown so much closer over the summer. He is the manly figure she never had in her life but always craved, a sort of dad and big brother mixed together and only god knows what she would do for him. He was one of her main strength. She loved him so much.
She managed to smile, even though she knew he saw right through her.
“Yeah yeah everything’s fine. Are we still on for tomorrow?”
“Of course we are. Tomorrow you and I we’re calling ourselves master of house decorating. Although I’ll probably stick to screwdrivers and hammers while you’ll handle the rest”
She laughed at that. A true genuine laugh and man it felt good.
“Yeah Dig no problem as long as your there with me”
He reached for her hand and squeezed it.
“Always”.
Diggle knew what happened between them and that she needed to think about something else. That’s why he instantly agreed to help her redecorate her house cause he saw it as a way to escape thing a bit.
Just as he let go of her hand they heard a loud thud. They turned around and they saw Oliver laying on top of Sara, a disgusting smirk on his face.
“Ok Ollie you win this one. Now move”
Getting even closer to her face he laughed.
“Why Sara? embarrassed? It’s nothing I haven’t seen” and oh so gently he added “or felt”.
Sara grew redder and pushed him of off her.
You know that feeling when you’re trying so bad to keep the tears from falling that your throat hurts? That’s how she is feeling right known. Barely managing to keep herself together but then she felt john’s hand on her shoulders and it was just too much. She knew what she’d find in Dig’s eyes, support but also pity and she could not see it right now.
Just then her phone ringed and pulled everyone out of this weird situation.
“Palmer again? What this guy doesn’t take no for an answer or what?"
She could hear Dig's smile in his voice. Dig really liked that Palmer guy.
“I gotta take it. I’ll see you tomorrow ok?”
She bent down and kissed him on the cheek. She closed her eyes for 2 seconds and calmed herself. Gathering her stuff she turned towards the mats area but not looking at neither Sara nor Oliver.
“Night guys. I’ll see you when I see you”.
She then left and climbed up the stairs while answering her phone. They could hear her soft voice laughing and talking on the phone.
Proud of herself that she was. She managed to make it to her car before breaking down. She just disconnected her phone call with Palmer and turned her cellphone off.
Why is he doing this to me? He knows he is hurting me, he has to know! So he is just being cruel then? But why? It is not like Him to do that.
But do I really know him?
That, is the one million dollars question.
With that question in mind she drove home, crying, not even bothering to hold her loud sobs.
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When Diggle got to the foundry and he instantly felt the tension. Felicity was avoiding any kind of contact with Oliver, Oliver was trying hard to not throw glances at Felicity every second but miserably failing at it. She was so engrossed in her computer so he just sat there beside her and started cleaning his guns instead of joining Oliver and Sara on the mats. That was his kind of silent support to Felicity.
He really was mad at Oliver and the way he was acting towards Felicity, especially right now. Why was he behaving like this with Sara while Felicity was in the same room? He doesn’t get it and it makes him want to just punch Oliver because he was disrespecting Felicity. Oliver doesn’t want to be with her for whatever stupid reason fine by him but acting like a dick, NO! He won’t stand by and watch him hurt Felicity like this.
So when he noticed Felicity glossy eyes and sad face all he could think about was smashing Oliver’s head in two. She really was heartbroken and he knew that even if she had not admit it to herself yet, she was in love with him.
The second she left, Sara was looking at the floor.
What ashamed now?
Oliver was still looking at the stairs as if Felicity would reappear at any second.
Diggle does not even know what to say so he just looks at Oliver knowing that the look in his eyes conveys everything he wants to say.
With a long sigh he followed Felicity’s step and left.
......................................................................
He never thought that it was possible to miss someone this much. And that is coming from a guy who spent 5 years in hell. How can you miss someone this much while being in the same room?
But he knows that he only has himself to blame. He screwed up. Big times.
But how is he supposed to be with her without being with her huh? Every single time he sees her he just wants to grab her and kiss her senseless, to tell her and show her how much he loves her. He remembers every single thing about her. He loves how she smells, he honestly think that he might be addicted to her sent, she smells so fresh, a hint of vanilla and berries; God he wants to burry his head in her neck and hair and just surround himself with her. We wants to play with her hair, hold her hand, whisper in her ear and so many other things. But he cannot do any of those things and he does not know what to do about that. So he just acts like the dick he once was.
He pushed her away. It killed him inside to see how it affected her and he could see how she was trying hard to not let it affect their work. Even if she tried to hide it he knew. He knows her. And it just made him love her even more. How she always puts everybody’s needs before hers that is pure Felicity Smoak.
God he loves that women !
He could feel her presence anywhere. She is that light that guides him, that centers him and makes him want to be a better men. But now, gone were the glances and the touches. He aches for it. He misses it so much. The way she used to steal glances while he was working out, the long appreciating looks, the way her eyes would linger on his bare chest.
It’s only been two weeks and he honestly doesn’t know how he’ll manage to be like this with her. Two weeks. 14 days of hell.
He knew Sara still had feelings for him and that she would in no way be against “reconnecting” with him, lately she has been very touchy and flirty; he saw that as a way to send a message to Felicity and give her some closure. It made him want to vomit, he hated himself for doing it but that’s the only solution he found. She had to hate him in order to move on. So he acted like Ollie, the douche who doesn’t care about anyone but himself.
So while he and Sara were sparring, he saw it a great opportunity to tackle his plan and see how she’d react to that. So he did what he did and made sure to speak a bit loud to make sure Felicity would hear him. Then her phone rang and she answered without as much as a glance towards him. He watched while she put her hand on Dig’s neck, bent down and kissed him. He never would have imagined wanting to kill his best friend but he really wanted an arrow right now.
He desperately wanted her to look at him. Smile that gorgeous smile of hers that makes all his walls crumble.
Look at me! Please look at me !
But no, even when she said her goodbyes she looked at a spot behind them never meeting his eyes.
So he just watched her leave, he watched the bounce of her ponytail, and the sway of her oh so perfect hips while she talked on the phone.
Wait! What? Who’s this Palmer guy? Why doesn’t he know about him? And why does John ? And what did he say about this Palmer gut not taking no for an answer huh?
The second she was out the door he looked at John and what he saw in his best friends eyes made him want to throw up. Disappointment.
I guess it’s true what people say… You never know how much you want it until you lose it.