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day 30.
8:35am
one full month without Whizzer.
Marvin kept his eyes shut. He knew that when he opened them, he would be met with the empty spot on the bed where his lover should have been. Perhaps he could sleep for a few moments more.
He began to stretch when his hand hit something. Something warm. Something familiar. Marvin's eyes snapped open, fully waking him from his sleep.
There, on the right side of his bed, was Whizzer. Whizzer Brown, his lover. Whizzer Brown, whose funeral he had attended weeks ago. It was an open casket. Marvin saw his body, lifeless and cold. He saw it be lowered into the ground. but here he was, standing face to face with a dead man. But he wasn't dead- he couldn't be. Whizzer was right here, smiling at him.
All these thoughts hit Marvin at once, almost knocking him off his feet just as quickly as he had stood up. Whizzer rubbed his eyes as if he was waking up from a short nap, not being dead for a month. Marvin stared at him for a long time. Whizzer stared back. The silence was deafening.
Eventually, Marvin spoke. His voice came out more desperate than he intended.
"Whizzer?" he croaked.
"Marvin," replied Whizzer.
He smiled the same, sarcastic, cocky smile he always used to. But there was something in his eyes, something soft, something that let Marvin know Whizzer was just as emotional as Marvin.
Marvin approached his lover slowly, afraid that if he moved too fast Whizzer would disappear again. but he didn't. Whizzer stayed put, sitting on the edge of the bed. His edge of the bed.
Marvin reached out, tentatively. His fingertips brushed the top of Whizzers hand before grabbing it. It was just like how he had remembered, all the bumps and freckles in his hand the same as they were before. It was like he was never gone. Marvin must have held Whizzers hand for longer than he meant to, because when he looked up at Whizzers face, he was fighting back tears. Their eyes locked with one another, a mix of emotions filling their eyes.
Marvin opened his mouth to speak, but before any sound could come out, Whizzer had closed the gap between their lips. Marvin spared no time deciding if he should kiss his lover back. The pair held each other closer than ever before. They moved frantically, desperate to get their hands on one another. With a push, Marvin fell backwards onto the bed, his head landing softly on the pillows. Whizzer loomed over him as he unbuttoned his shirt. Marvin's head raced, his body fueled with passion he never thought he'd feel again. Their breaths became ragged as their bodies became one, once more.
[...]
11:00am
The two men hadn't said much to each other. Not words, anyway. They laid in silence together, simply happy to be with one another. Whizzer was the first to question it.
"Why am I back?" he asked.
Marvin thought.
"I don't know," he admitted. "But I'm happy that you're here."
"I'm happy too."
The silence was long and awkward. Whizzer was healthy now. He seemed to have gained the weight he lost back, and he wasn't constantly exhausted. It had been a long time since the duo had had a day like this. no hospital visits, no doctors appointments, just the two of them. They decided to take a walk. The city was supposed to be beautiful this time of year, with Christmas coming up. Of course, neither of them celebrated, but that couldn't stop them from enjoying the decoration.
As they stepped outside, the cold wind hit them hard. Neither of them had dried their hair, and the New York City wind was not to be tampered with. Marvin pulled up the hood on his jacket and they started to walk. It was quiet for a little bit, but eventually the couple got back into the flow of things. Their conversations picked up right where they had left off, as if no time had passed at all. Whizzer laughed, and Marvin let himself enjoy life for the first time since the funeral.
"Why do you think I'm back?" Whizzer questioned.
"I don't know. Maybe you're just back to make me happy." answered Marvin, only half joking.
The men reached a crosswalk, stopping to wait for the light.
"Or maybe you're not back at all. maybe I'm dreaming, and when I open my eyes you'll be gone."
Whizzer pushed him lightly. nope, he was definitely not dreaming.
"Whatever god there is, if there is one, I've got a second chance at life, and I'm gonna use it to my fullest."
"That’s a good idea. Why not pick up where you left off? "What were you doing before you got sick?"
"Racquetball, i think."
"I was being sarcastic... is that really the first thing you want to do after literally defeating death?"
"Well, technically I already did the first thing I wanted to do," Whizzer teased.
"Shut up," said Marvin, laughing.
"But seriously, I really wanna play racquetball. I haven't beat you in a match in forever. My ego is fading."
"Alright, racquetball it is. We’ll play at our usual place?"
As if on cue, the entrance to the subway came into the pair's vision.
"Our usual place, usual rules. no sickness can keep me down this time," Whizzer chuckled.
Marvin and Whizzer descended the steps down into the subway. it wasn't like they had taken the train often, but it was still one of the places Marvin tended to avoid amidst his grief. Though, it's not like Marvin got out of the house much these days anyway.
The rumble of the approaching train snapped Marvin back to reality. He and Whizzer stepped silently onto the train and found a pole to hold. There were only two stops before they arrived at their destination.
The train resumed its rumbling as it moved through the tunnels. Marvin thought to himself as he swayed with the train.
All the days this past month that he had spent in bed, aimlessly trying to distract himself from the pain. He had tried everything, from studying to drinking. and to think it had only been a month since he lost him, who knows what he would have done if it was any longer.
Was it weird to think about Whizzer being gone? he was right here, technically...
But before Marvin could think more, the subway came to a screeching halt, and he was dragged out of the station by Whizzer. They walked to the racquetball court, and got in without issue.
After a quick stop in the locker room, Marvin and Whizzer set foot on the familiar court. as if nothing had changed, they picked up their paddles and walked to their respective side of the court.
As they played, Marvin let all his worries dissolve. He let himself be fully present for the first time in weeks, and it felt amazing. He finally felt like himself again. Hours passed, and neither of the lovers were keeping score of the game. They called it a tie and made their way back home.
When they arrived, they were both exhausted. They lazily changed clothes and collapsed into bed together. The pair held onto each other like their life depended on it.
That night, Marvin was finally able to sleep. No nightmares, no hallucinations, just Marvin holding the love of his life as tight as he could.
But Marvin was never any good at holding things in place.
day 31.
8:35am
Marvin awoke in the morning to something cold brushing against his leg. It took Marvin longer than he'd like to admit to realize that it was Whizzer.
As Marvin sleepily moved Whizzer off of him, he noticed it. Whizzer was cold. Really cold. Too cold.
Marvin's heart began to race. He checked for Whizzers pulse. nothing he checked for his heartbeat. Nothing. This couldn't be happening. Not again, not after he finally got him back.
Marvin was definitely awake now. He shook Whizzer as hard as he could. no response. Marvin was smart enough to know that the man he was holding, the man he loved, was dead.
Again.
At some point Marvin must have started crying, because his face was soaked, and someone was screaming. He was the only one home.
All he could do was hold Whizzer. Whizzer was unmoving, so solid and cold it felt like he could break. but that didn't matter to Marvin. he held onto Whizzer as hard as he possibly could. There was nothing else he could do.
How was he supposed to explain to the cops that he had a dead mans corpse in his bed? especially one that had supposedly been dead for over a month? except he wasn't dead, he was definitely alive yesterday. Marvin was sure of it. He had the marks on his neck to prove it, Whizzer was alive. He was alive yesterday.
But now he was gone again.
And he was never coming back.