Chapter Text
The door swings open. Hayden looks up from his phone, spots the familiar tenseness of Shane’s back as he shucks his jacket off, and reaches over to turn the volume on the television down. He watches carefully as Shane lets his coat drop to the floor, in a little pile by the front door, instead of neurotically hanging it up like he always does.
“You know you don’t have to be a stereotypical hockey player,” Shane had snapped at him after they started rooming together in hotels and he realised just how easily Hayden let mess pile up in his living space. “You could pick up your socks for once.”
“Hey,” Hayden starts. Shane startles a bit, like he wasn’t expecting the greeting, and shuffles his way over to the bathroom. Hayden hears the fan turn on, then the tap, and then Shane drags his feet all the way back to his bed, flopping on it like he’s just run a marathon.
“Shane,” Hayden calls. “Are you… are you okay?”
Shane doesn’t answer, only pulls the blanket tighter over himself and turns over. Hayden can’t stop his brain from instantly going to the worst case scenario.
“Did somebody hurt you?” He asks, sitting up. Shane’s body wracks with a sob, and Hayden is standing before he can register what he’s doing, coming and sitting next to Shane on the bed. “Buddy, come on, look at me.”
Shane doesn’t move.
“Shane, kiddo, you gotta tell me if somebody hurt you.”
“I can’t,” Shane’s voice breaks. He digs his face further into the pillows. “I can’t, I can’t, I fucking can’t-“
“Shane.” Hayden’s not the best at his dad voice, given the fact that he’s a total pushover when it comes to his children, but he knows when to pull out the baritone of his voice, trying to remind himself that he’s in charge. “Stop. Take a breath.”
“I’m sorry,” Shane cries. Hayden’s heart is breaking by the second. He debates calling Jackie, asking her to come help deal with him, but right now, he just needs to know if Shane is okay.
“Shane, answer one question. Are you injured?”
“No,” Shane cries. He buries himself further under the blanket.
“Don’t lie to me, Shane,” Hayden says. His hand hovers over Shane’s leg- he’s afraid to touch, to scare him off. “Do you need the medics? I can call the doctor, we can get this worked out-“
“No,” Shane chokes out. He curls further in on himself. “Just- I’ll be- I’ll be fine. I just…”
“What’s going on, bud?” Hayden feels completely out of his element here.
“I can’t tell you,” Shane mumbles. “I can’t- I need-“ he cuts himself off with a sob, shaking his head. Hayden wracks his brain for a solution.
“Tell you what,” Hayden says softly. He rests a hand on Shane’s back. “The kids and I have a rule. If both of us are under the blanket, they can tell me anything, and I’m not allowed to get upset. Let’s- let’s try it, okay?”
Shane doesn’t move for a long moment, and Hayden thinks he’s totally fucked up, before the Shane-shaped lump in the blanket twists. Shane’s shaking hands hold up the duvet, and Hayden breathes a sigh of relief as he climbs in. He can see Shane’s tear stained face, the red trim of his eyes, the flush of his cheeks. His boy looks like a wreck.
“There you are,” Hayden says, trying to keep his voice light. He gives what he hopes is a convincing smile and rests with his shoulder pressing against Shane’s. It’s a lot more awkward to do this with a full grown man, but he’d deal with a bit of discomfort to help his best friend. Shane doesn’t speak. “Do you… do you want me to guess?”
Shane nods beside him. Hayden wracks his brain.
“Is this… is this about your parents? Did something happen?” Shane shakes his head. “Was it someone on the team?” Another shake. “Was it… was it about your friend here?”
Shane freezes. Bingo.
“Lily, right?” Hayden says. He can feel that he’s losing Shane. “Hey, hey, stay here. It’s okay. I’m not judging you.”
Shane settles back from where he was trying to escape from the covers. His breathing is picking up again.
“Okay, deep breath. You’re okay,” Hayden reminds him. “So- Lily. Something bad happened when you met with her?”
“Hayd…”
“Did she… did she break up with you? Were you guys official? I didn’t even know you had a girlfriend, Shane-“
Shane’s eyes find his gaze for the first time. He looks utterly terrified. “Do- do you promise not to get mad?” He asks, sounding about twenty years younger and full of anxiety. Hayden can’t say no to that face.
“I promise.”
“She’s- Lily isn’t Lily.”
Hayden’s brows furrow in confusion. He tilts his head a bit. “Oh…kay?”
“Lily isn’t… isn’t a girl.”
Oh.
Oh.
Hayden tries not to let the surprise show on his face. He must do a shit job, because Shane looks away, starting to tremble again.
“Hey, hey,” he calls, reaching out and grabbing Shane’s hand. “That’s okay. It’s alright. I just- it surprised me, is all. I’m okay with that. It doesn’t… it doesn’t change anything, buddy. Thank you for telling me.”
Hayden must have passed some invisible test, because Shane moves closer, body still shaking as if he’s freezing. Hayden squeezes his hand.
“Okay, so Lily’s a guy. Did… did he hurt you, Shane? Did he make you do anything you weren’t comfortable with?”
Shane shakes his head. “We- we were… you know. And right after, I- I left. I got scared, and I left, and he hates me- he hates me, he won’t want me around anymore, I’m no good-“
Okay, Hayden thinks. He takes a deep breath. He and Jackie don’t have the most adventurous sex life, but after four kids, he knows a thing or two. Sometimes, Jackie goes somewhere after sex, her mind hazy and anxious and needing comfort. Hayden will sit with her, rub her back, tell her how amazing she is, and help her stay afloat until the cloudiness fades away. He feels the same on occasion too, and Jackie has to comfort him. He sees the same kind of energy buzzing through Shane’s body.
“Okay,” Hayden says. He squeezes Shane’s hand again. “Here’s the plan. You’re gonna go hop in the shower, get nice and clean, and then we’re gonna watch a movie, and if you want to talk about it, I’m here. And if you don’t want to talk, we don’t have to.”
Shane nods, the direction seeming to get through to him. “I’m sorry…”
“No, no need to be sorry,” Hayden says. He gives Shane a comforting smile and rubs his thumb over his knuckles. “Shower. Come on.”
He helps Shane up, hand on his back as he guides him toward the bathroom. Shane sits on the closed toilet seat, body hunched, eyes somewhere far off. Hayden hesitates before reaching into the shower, turning the water on, and making sure it’s the right temperature.
“Alright,” he says, startling Shane out of his trance. “Two options. You could get in by yourself, or I could help you.”
Shane shakes his head, and Hayden presumes he doesn’t want to lose any more of his dignity tonight. It would be no big deal- they see one another naked more than Hayden and Jackie do- but tonight is different. “It’s- I got it.”
“Okay. Just… call me if you need me.” He ruffles Shane’s hair gently, pausing when he sees the way Shane tilts his head into the embrace, eyes fluttering shut. He keeps his hand there for a moment longer before bringing it down to Shane’s cheek, gently tapping him to bring him back.
He leaves the bathroom, keeping the door cracked open in case Shane needs him, and listens to make sure he gets in okay. He sighs in relief and grabs his phone.
Hayden:
I need your help.
The texting bubble appears instantly.
Jackie 💕:
What’s wrong?
Hayden:
What do you know about
Like
Aftercare
Jackie 💕:
???
Hayden:
Okay you can’t tell anyone
But shane just got back to the room after a hookup
And he’s like
A total mess
Doesn’t seem like himself at all
His fingers move rapidly over his keyboard.
Hayden:
And I feel weird helping him but like what else can I do
I got him to take a shower
But like is it weird if I help him???
Jackie 💕:
Deep breath.
You’re fine.
Do you want to call me and I can talk to him?
Hayden:
No he’s freaking out and doesn’t want anyone to know
Jackie 💕:
Did something happen? Like… without consent?
Hayden:
No he said it was fine
He’s just like
Idk
You know how you get kinda sad sometimes after sex
Or I do
And we need to like hold eachother or whatever
He didn’t do that he just rushed home and now he’s crashing
Jackie 💕:
Okay.
Get him some water and something with sugar.
Cuddle up with him and play with his hair and tell him he’s good.
That’s what I do for you.
Hayden rolls his eyes.
Hayden:
excuse me, I’m the man here
Jackie 💕:
Okay baby, whatever you say.
It’ll be alright.
Call me if you need me, I can talk to him.
Shane’s phone starts buzzing where it’s been abandoned on the bed. He checks the caller ID- Lily. Although he has the urge to accept the call and bitch out whoever let Shane leave in such a state, he knows that would only upset Shane more, so he sends it to voicemail.
Hayden:
Should I like… message the person he was with?
Jackie 💕:
Do you think it would cause more harm?
Hayden:
I don’t know
He’s been seeing this person for like
Eight years Jackie
He’d probably know how to fix this better than I would
She’d***
Jackie 💕:
Mhm…
If you think it would help, then go for it. But maybe try first. You’re a good comforter, sweetheart. Trust yourself.
The shower turns off. Hayden looks up from his phone.
Hayden:
Okay, I love you
Jackie 💕:
I love you too.
The bathroom door opens, and Shane shuffles out, eyes still downcast with a towel wrapped around his waist. He stares at the shirt he came in wearing and promptly breaks down into tears.
“Oh, Shane…” Hayden coos. He stands, opening up the dresser and taking a pair of Shane’s comfy sweatpants. He grabs one of his own hoodies and holds it out to Shane. “Come on. Let’s get dressed.”
He helps him change, then grabs the hairbrush in his backpack and runs it through Shane’s wet hair, humming to himself, and leads the two of them back to his bed, flipping the TV onto some random nature documentary channel.
“Okay, we’re okay,” he repeats the whole time. He’s not sure who he’s trying to convince. He lays down, tugging Shane next to him, and tuts when Shane lays stiffly down a few inches away. “Come on, man. How long have we known each other? Cuddle with me like a real friend.”
That doesn’t get quite a smile, but Shane relaxes, allowing Hayden to pull him close. He presses his cheek against Hayden’s chest, eyes closing on instinct, and Hayden awkwardly brings his hand up to run through Shane’s damp hair.
“See? We’re alright,” he says quietly. “Everything’s okay.”
Shane makes a little noise in the back of his throat, blinking as more tears start to fall down his face.
“You’re good, it’s good, we’re good.”
“‘M not,” Shane mumbles against Hayden’s chest. He digs his face in further. “‘M not good.”
“Yes, you are,” Hayden insists. “You’re the best player in the league, you’re a great uncle to my kids, and you’re the best friend I could ask for. You’re a good guy, Shane.”
“I left,” Shane cries. “He- it got real, and I left.”
“That’s okay,” Hayden rubs his other hand down his back. He thinks briefly on the start of their friendship, how timid they were around one another, and wishes he could show himself a decade ago how close he is now with Shane. Closer than anybody else but Jackie. “That’s okay. We all screw up sometimes.”
“No.”
“Yes,” Hayden insists. He scratches lightly at Shane’s scalp. “Did I ever tell you about the day Jackie told me she loved me?”
Shane shakes his head, bringing one of the strings on his- Hayden’s- hoodie up to his mouth and beginning to chew. It’s okay. Hayden would buy a million replacements if it meant keeping him content.
“We were going out for dinner, and I had this whole evening planned. It was a fancy restaurant, and we were celebrating being together for two months, and at the end, I was gonna tell her I loved her. I even called ahead to the restaurant and put my card on file so she knew it was serious.”
Shane moves closer, going boneless on top of him. Hayden draws patterns on his back.
“Anyway, I go to pick her up, and I’m so nervous that I jump out of the car to open the door for her. The passengers seat door was jammed- you know, the one on my old car?- and I had to pull it so hard that I ended up smacking her directly in the nose.”
Shane huffs out a small laugh, and Hayden feels his heart swell with victory.
“And- and then, she started bleeding,” he explains, chuckling. “Oh god, we looked like such a mess. I only had napkins from Burger King in my car, so I had to hold those up to her face, and she just- she beat me to it. She looked at me, and with a mouthful of blood, she said-“ he puffs his cheeks out to imitate Jackie’s garbled words. “I love you sho much.”
Shane’s fully laughing now, and he swings his leg over to wrap around Hayden’s thigh like a koala.
“And I just- I panicked, man,” Hayden forces out. There’s tears in his own eyes from laughter. “I had the whole night planned, and I had just nearly broken her nose, and she beat me to it. So, after she said that, I said the stupidest thing I’ve ever said.”
“What?” Shane asks, voice still shaky and weak, but Hayden can hear the smile.
“I said- and I quote- you’re even hotter covered in blood.”
“You did not.”
“I did, swear to god,” Hayden exhales, chest shaking with his laughter. “So, anyway. I don’t know why she stuck with me.”
“Probably because-“ Shane shifts. He settles back against Hayden. “You’re a really good guy.”
“I have my days,” Hayden replies. He squeezes Shane’s shoulder and looks up at the TV. It’s quiet for several minutes before Shane’s breath hitches, and when he looks down, he’s crying again.
“What do you need, Shane?” Hayden prompts quietly. He wipes a tear away from Shane’s face and frowns down at him.
“I need- I need him.”
“Okay,” Hayden whispers. “Do you… do you want me to call him?”
Shane nods. He’s still got that distant look in his eyes, but he looks less cloudy with Hayden’s help, so he takes his word for it and gently detangles himself from Shane. He shoves a pillow where he was laying so Shane can wrap himself around it.
He moves toward Shane’s bed, grabbing his phone, and winces at the fifteen missed calls from Lily. He presses the notification and tries to remain calm while it rings, stepping outside and closing the door behind him, not knowing if Shane wants to hear. The line connects after two rings.
“Jesus, Hollander, I have been calling for one hour.”
Hayden’s blood runs cold. He opens his mouth to respond, to say anything, but he can’t, because Ilya fucking Rozanov, Shane’s arch rival, and the absolute bane of Hayden’s existence is on the phone.
“Are you okay? I do not like to see you like that. You know what happens. Did you have water? Fruit? Just- fuck, come back, I will come get you, we can talk-“
Hayden clears his throat. “Rozanov?”
The line goes silent. He can hear shuffling in the distance, and hopes he hasn’t screwed up already.
“Look. Uh- I have… I have no idea what’s going on. I don’t think I want to know what’s going on. But- but Shane’s a wreck, and he needs you here, and-“
Click.
Hayden grunts in frustration. Fucking asshole. He makes his way down to the lobby quickly, buying a tangerine and a ginger ale, as well as a chocolate bar he knows Shane probably won’t eat. He pays for them and makes haste back to the room, unlocking it and sighing at the sight of Shane.
“Okay, kiddo. Time to eat.”
“Don’t wanna,” Shane whines. He’s still crying. Hayden is reminded of the way Ruby gets when she’s upset.
“Sucks to suck, buddy,” Hayden responds quietly. He goes back to the bed and opens the can, holding it out to Shane, who takes it with a shaky hand and takes a sip. “Good.”
The praise settles somewhere in Shane’s brain, and he sits up more, as if he’s desperate to make Hayden happy. He peels the orange for him and holds it out piece by piece, gently thanking Shane every time he takes a bite. Once it’s finished, he holds open the Snickers bar, and tries not to let his jaw hang open in surprise when Shane takes it.
Rozanov must have really done a number on him.
“Good job, Shane. That’s good,” he says softly. Shane’s eyes flutter shut and he manages to choke down half of the chocolate bar before handing it back to Hayden.
“Is… is he coming?” He asks quietly, the words slurred. Hayden inhales deeply through his nose.
“Uh. I don’t… I don’t know, bud.”
“‘M sorry I lied,” Shane says. His head is hanging down on his knees, and his eyes are beginning to fill with tears once more. “‘M sorry, Hayd. I didn’t w’nt to.”
“I know,” Hayden comforts. He places his hand on Shane’s ankle and squeezes. “It’s okay. I forgive you. I just- Rozanov? Seriously?”
Shane tenses at the use of his name and digs his face further in his knees, his back beginning to shake with sobs. Welp. Hayden missed the mark.
“Hey, hey, it’s alright. It’s okay.” He moves closer, pulling Shane into a hug, and squeezes the back of his neck. “You’re okay, Shane. I promise.”
“I love him,” Shane cries into his embrace. Hayden’s heart breaks even more.
“I know, I know,” he repeats. He really wants to call Jackie. “It’s gonna be alright. I promise. It feels like the end of the world, but it’s not.”
“I love him,” Shane says, over and over, and Hayden is reaching for his phone to call his amazing wife when a loud knock on the door is heart. Shane stiffens, then slumps back against the bed, and Hayden quickly moves to open the door.
He likes to think he’s a progressive person. He raises his children to respect everyone, to show kindness first, and he believes he also has those traits. But he has to clench his fist at his side to keep from punching Rozanov in his stupidly handsome face for hurting Shane like this.
Rozanov doesn’t even acknowledge Hayden. He shoulders past him roughly, nearly knocking him down, and drops down to his knees beside Hayden’s bed. Gonna have to wash those sheets.
“Hollander, Hollander. Look at me.”
Shane shakes his head, but Rozanov reaches out and grips his chin, pulling him out of the ball he’s curled himself up in.
“Good boy. Look at me. Just me.” Rozanov’s thumb strokes along Shane’s cheek, his jawline, his bottom lip. “Is okay. You are okay.”
“‘M sorry,” Shane cries. Rozanov shushes him and moves up, sitting on the bed, and pulls Shane into his lap like he weighs nothing.
“No ‘sorry’. Nothing to be sorry at.” Rozanov rubs his hands down Shane’s back. “Should not have let you leave.”
Hayden looks at them- really looks at them, and it all starts to make sense. The bickering at face-offs. The lingering glances at award shows. The soft, stupidly in love smile that Shane has on his face every time he’s texting Lily. When he looks up at Rozanov, he sees nothing but pure worry, pure love.
“I’m gonna-“ Hayden starts, calling Rozanov’s attention back. “I’m just gonna… go to the gym?”
“Okay,” Rozanov says quietly. He presses a kiss to Shane’s head and holds him tighter, looking up at Hayden when something softer in his eyes. “Thank you.”
“I- uh…” Hayden slides his shoes on. “Yeah. No problem. Just- I’ll be back in an hour. One hour. Sixty minutes. That’s my bed.”
“Shut up, Pike.”
Hayden’s halfway out the door already. He closes it behind him, taking a deep breath, and reaches for his phone when he finds that it’s not in his pocket. He turns around and is about to open it when he hears the conversation inside.
“I love you,” Shane’s broken voice says from behind the door. “I’m sorry.”
“What did I say about sorry?” Rozanov responds. He can hear a kiss, then the shuffling of them laying down, before Rozanov speaks again, his voice softer than Hayden’s ever heard it. “I love you too.”
Hayden begins his trek downstairs. His phone can wait.