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They had both been to their fair share of weddings at this point in their lives. Ray had been to both of her brothers, a fair few of her cousins. Gerard had been to a few too, but they hadn't gone to one together. Honestly, as Ray stood to the side, and watched Frank and Jamia dance alongside the other wedding guests, she almost felt jealous as she sipped at her champagne, waiting for Gerard to reappear from the bathroom.
They'd gotten luckier, in her opinion. She knew that they were both bisexual but they’d fallen for each other. It was probably the best outcome, being so fucking in love with each other and being able to get married. She honestly couldn’t be happier for them, but something in her ached to get married because she had been dating her girlfriend for over five years at this point, and they were both going to turn thirty this year. Fuck, did she want to marry Gerard, and yet she couldn't. Frank and Jamia could get married and she'd never been more jealous. She was happy for Frank, she really was happy for him, but fuck did she wish that she was also getting married.
Ray sipped at her champagne, waiting a few more minutes before Gerard saddled up next to her, reappearing from the bathroom, adjusting the black strap on her dress like it was bothering her. They had been on Frank's side of the Wedding, just wearing black dresses instead of suits, which had worked out since Jamia was good friends with a couple of guys that she put in light pink suits.
“Hey.” She said quietly, turning her attention to Gerard, smiling softly at her girlfriend.
“Hey.” Gerard said, messing with her dress strap for a few more seconds as it apparently wasn't sitting right on her shoulder.
“You good?” She asked, looking at Gerard and trying to figure out if she could help her.
“Sorry, I think the stupid damn thing twisted but I can't fix it.” Gerard said, trying to adjust it on her own.
“Hold on.” Ray said, moving around to adjust the dress strap, helping Gerard to get it situated on her shoulder properly. They probably didn’t need to look as good as they did earlier now that the ceremony was over and it was just the reception, but they both still liked to look nice.
“Thank you.” Gerard said quietly, smiling briefly at her before grabbing the diet coke that she’d left on the counter with Ray, which she had stayed with dutifully. “It’s really nice.”
“I know.” Ray agreed. “They both look so happy. Frank looks like he’s been dying to marry Jamia for almost three years now, I swear.”
“I know!” Gerard said, sipping the diet coke, getting to the last of it. “We should dance again soon.”
“You want to?” Ray asked, finishing her champagne and putting the glass down on the counter. The action was not unnoticed by Gerard because she watched the womans eyes follow her hands with a look of glee forming on her face.
“Oh, absolutely.” Gerard grinned, downing the rest of her diet coke, and putting the cup down on the table.
Ray grinned and held out her hand, letting Gerard take it as they walked out onto the dance floor. They danced for a while, both being able to tell when a song that Frank put on the playlist came on, and honestly Ray wasn’t dancing half the time, instead she was watching Gerard dance, watching her dress spin wildly while she grinned. It had been a good few years since her girlfriend had started to transition but watching her be able to be herself had never gotten old.
They danced, and time passed, things becoming almost a blur of laughs and alcohol, at least for Ray, until they found themselves listening to an unusually slow song for Frank and Jamia. The songs had been becoming slower as time went on, but Ray hadn’t minded, he could see Frank still up with Jamia, grinning like a fool despite how late it was getting. God, he looked so in love. Yet, the slow songs gave Ray an excuse to wrap her arms around Gerard's waist and pretend that she knew how to slow dance.
It did end with them holding onto each other, one of Ray's hands wrapped around Gerard's waist, and the other clasped in her hand, while Gerard slowly led them around. Ray had put her head onto Gerard's shoulder, almost into the crook of her neck, listening to the music and her girlfriend's heartbeat. It was nice, almost calming.
“Did you ever learn how to dance?” Gerard asked, her voice a whisper since there were other a few other people dancing near them.
“No, not slow dancing.” Ray murmured back.
“Oh, well, this is perfect for slow dancing.” Gerard snorted, spinning the two of them again. “You’re thinking of ballroom dancing, baby.”
“What?” Ray brought up her head to look Gerard in the eyes. The dim lighting caused Gerards eyes to look brown instead of their normal hazel, but they still had that same glimmer. “Theres a difference?”
Gerard snorted, “Yeah.”
“What? Why do you know that?” She asked, staring at her girlfriend as they continued to sway gently to the music.
“Catholic school.” Gerard said simply.
“I hate the Catholics.” Ray sighed, putting her head on Gerards shoulder again.
“Me too.” Gerard agreed.
God, Ray loved Gerard. It felt like her very being existed in order to make Gerard happy, and to dote on her, and to seem like they were only musical soulmates to the public, capable of making a song from nothing but the notes in Gerards brain seemingly being beamed straight into her brain. Some part of her was honestly completely fine with the world not knowing because she got these private little moments to herself.
This part of Gerard was for her and her only, but god did she also wish that they could say that they were together without the world going crazy. There were places that they already weren’t allowed to perform in because She and Gerard were trans and she could only imagine how it would go if the world knew they were dating. God, did she want the world to know sometimes, to know how much she loved her girlfriend, to know they’ve been in love through so many fucking things that people couldn’t even begin to properly comprehend it all.
“I want forever with you.” Ray whispered, the noise going into Gerard's neck.
Gerard didn’t respond for a moment and she was concerned that she didn’t hear her, but then she swallowed and whispered, “Me too.”
Her voice sounded almost wounded with how choked it was. She had never been more glad that while there were people around them, they were closer to a corner, closer to being alone. Fuck, she hated weddings. Only for this reason, only because she knew that she couldn’t marry the love of her life, and being at a wedding, even if it was her best friends, was a constant reminder of that.
“I wish I could marry you. I would’ve married you back in 2002 if I was allowed to.” Ray whispered, leaning her head further against Gerard's, hearing her breath catch and feeling the squeeze of her hand.
“We started dating then.” Gerard reminded her, voice soft like Ray didn’t know.
“I know. Still would’ve. Wanted to marry you, like two weeks after we started dating, but it was only legal in like the fucking Netherlands.” Ray admitted, listening to the song change but still being a rather slow one, so they kept swaying along, sometimes spinning if Gerard felt like spinning them around while they danced.
“It’s legal in Massachusetts." Gerard murmured.
“Gee, I am not moving to fucking Boston.” Ray answered that before Gerard could even fully suggest moving there.
“Awh, c’mon, it’s like all of New Jersey shoved into one city.” Gerard joked, her voice taking a joking tone before she laughed a little. She almost didn’t believe that Gerard was actually joking for a moment.
“No, it is not.” Ray retorted, before pausing, taking a few moments to think about it. “Boston wouldn’t be bad, but I think Frank would kill us more than when we started thinking about moving to LA.”
“He would not.” Gerard snorted.
“He might.” Ray murmured, half-sighing.
“What about Salem?” Gerard suggested.
“I think both our parents would kill us.” Ray replied.
“True.” Gerard mused.
They danced in silence for another few minutes before Gerard murmured softly, “I want to marry you too. Just so you know. We can get married the moment we can.”
“Oh no, no, I’m proposing to you when I’m able to, and we’re having a big sappy wedding where your brother cries because his sister is getting married and my mother sobs because the daughter she didn’t know she had is all grown up and getting married to the love of her life, and we’ll wear dresses and do everything you’re supposed to do at weddings. I don’t know, I might wear a suit… an all white suit possibly… I haven’t decided.” Ray explained.
Gerard was quiet for a moment before saying, “So you’ve thought about this before.”
“Only sometimes.” Ray said quietly.
“Okay, so you’ve thought about this every time you stare lovingly at me like I’m the sun in the sky.” Gerard elaborated, spinning the two of them making Ray snort a little.
“Maybe.” She said, sighing.
“Does wearing an all white suit mean I get to wear a completely black dress?” Gerard asked, playing into this little fantasy of their wedding that Ray had thought up in her spare time.
Ray gasped and picked up her head, unintentionally making them stop dancing, and stare her in the eyes, “Oh, absolutely. That’s perfect. God, why didn’t I think of that?”
“Oh my god, can I get married in the Helena-” Gerard couldn’t even get the idea fully out as she started to giggle to herself, laughing at the idea and even letting go of Ray as she held her hand to her mouth, trying to stop laughing so loud.
“Oh my god, the funeral dress?” Ray whispered so that no one around them heard her as she moved her head to try and look at Gerard's face to see if she was serious.
Gerard nodded and then wheezed out, “Jesus, that’s a horrible idea.”
“I think you can find any variation of a wedding dress in black, Gee.” Ray whispered, grabbing onto her arm as she was trying not to laugh so hard that she was almost doubled over.
Deciding that their dancing time was over, Ray guided Gerard back over to where they had been sitting, listening to her giggle half to herself and half to Ray mildly like a lunatic. Sitting down with her, it took Ray a moment to get Gerard to stop laughing over the idea of wearing the Helena dress to their wedding that they may not even get to have. Sure, Ray would love to get married, and would love to have a wedding like this one, but she wasn't sure if they ever would be able to get married, let alone have a wedding.
“Okay, new plan.” Gerard said, sitting up and using her hands to wave something off, maybe the silly idea she was envisioning in her head. “Wedding. You are in a white tux, I am in a black dress. God, this is wonderful. Okay, well, wait, what else have you thought about in this future wedding of ours?”
Ray leaned back in her chair, looking at Gerard who had her arm leaning over her chair, propping her head up to look at Ray, and listen to her idea.
“We have it in an outdoor venue, maybe in the springtime before it gets too hot, but after the flowers bloom and everything is doused in that fresh, new green color and everything smells like dirt, but the good dirt, y’know.” Ray answered, while Gerard stared at her with her pupils growing while she talked. “I could be okay with a fall wedding but it would have to have the oranges and the reds and there's just no true way to plan out when the leaves will change and when they’ll fall, y’know?”
“So how would you propose to me?” Gerard asked, a small grin forming on her face.
“Oh, you don’t get to know that.” Ray said, grinning slightly.
“What? Why?” Gerard asked, looking at her with a borderline distraught look that came up on the rare occasions that Ray wouldn’t tell her something.
“Well, I’m going to propose to you eventually. If I tell you how then it completely ruins the surprise. Whether I propose when we’re thirty or eighty, I can’t tell you until it happens.” Ray said, messing with the tablecloth.
Gerard nodded, still staring at her with such utter adoration in her eyes and whispered, “You really have thought this out.”
“I think about it a lot.” Ray admitted with a whisper, not breaking eye contact with Gerard.
“You're perfect.” Gerard whispered, reaching forward and taking her hand, bringing it up to kiss her palm. “I can't wait to marry you.”
Ray smiled softly, letting Gerard kiss her hand again before speaking, “Whenever we can, darling.”
Right here, right now, they may not be able to get married but they were going to. They were going to have a spring wedding, shit be damned. She was going to get her white suit and Gerard was going to get her black dress even if it had to be the Helena dress. Ray was going to propose the moment that it was legal, either when it was legal in New Jersey or maybe California if they did end up moving, or maybe it would have to be when it was legal in the entire United States.
God, Ray really couldn't wait to marry her.