Chapter Text
The glow from Eren’s cigarette was the only light illuminating the dark alley he was standing in. He had his back against the wall, a leg drawn up and the hood of his sweater pulled down to hide most of his features.
The cigarette was the essential detail. He took drags from it often enough to keep it from going out, but the frequency was far from that of an actual smoker. That was fine with him, he only needed the action of smoking to be his excuse for standing on the same spot for a prolonged time without drawing suspicion. He didn’t actually enjoy it anymore. It left a taste in his mouth that now he found unpleasant, not to mention how tedious it was to wash away the smell from his clothes.
Also, Levi hated cigarettes.
He’d made Eren quit shortly after they had started going out and Eren had never regretted it. It made Levi happy and Levi was the most important thing in his life. Which was why he was standing there, in that dirty alley. It provided Eren with an excellent view into a French restaurant through its front window and to the two people sitting at the table by it.
Levi… and his new date.
Levi and Eren had broken up six months ago. The fight had been devastating and Eren had tried every trick in the book to change Levi’s mind, but in the end Levi kicked him out of their shared apartment.
He had accused Eren of being too jealous and controlling, of keeping an oppressive hold on him that had gradually tightened throughout the years… and Levi had been right about all of it. Eren didn’t want to share Levi with his stupid friends, didn’t want Levi working all day in a cramped office away from him and he definitely didn’t want Levi working out in a goddamn crowded gym with other men staring at him while foaming at the mouth.
So, Eren gradually started telling Levi how awful it was to be away from him all the time. How he worried for Levi when he was out with friends or working out in such a toxic place as the gym. Levi had actually been pretty accommodating of it all, except when it came to his friends Erwin and Hanji. Nothing Eren tried made Levi give them up. Eren, though, had been too stubborn and couldn’t let it go. He had pushed and pushed and pushed, until Levi snapped and ended things.
Only about a month after the breakup had he learned how wrong he had been in his ways, and he found out about it from the most unexpected source: his normally useless half-brother Zeke. He had texted him a link for a reddit post in which someone was discussing how they handled a similar breakup.
Of course, his brother hadn’t known the extent of Eren’s control, but he had witnessed first hand Eren’s jealousy — Zeke could say what he wanted, but it had been obvious that he had a thing for Levi, so Eren had all the reasons to be jealous.
Still, Zeke sent him a post in which someone had just been dumped exactly because of their overwhelming jealousy. Eren hadn’t thought anything about it at first, but without Levi he found himself bored and with a lot of free time on his hands, so he read the post and a few comments.
They were all telling the author the same thing: therapy, therapy, therapy.
Pretty useless at first, but for some reason Eren still snooped around and read other posts from the victims’ prospective, and he slowly hit the jackpot.
The countless stories of how people had fallen into the cycle of abuse were all following the same patter: it needs to start small, it needs to almost sneak up on the person, and with time it grows bigger and more suffocating until it becomes unbearable. How subtle and delicate the manipulation has to be in the beginning in order to remain undetected by the victim, how it had to be cooed in their ears with so much sweetness that the claws get unnoticed.
Eren had recognized the similarities in what he’d tried to do and what the posts were describing, both the things that had worked and his fatal mistake: Eren hadn’t known when to stop.
After all, Levi had allowed almost all of Eren’s requests, and for a good reason too.
Levi, being a trans man, endured so much abuse by strangers and family alike and Eren always sided with him.
Eren, Levi’s first ever boyfriend, had been there since day one for Levi’s transition. He’d been the first Levi had come out to and had been there when Levi had told Hanji and Erwin. They, of course, had always been very supportive too, but it wasn’t quite the same thing, especially when it came down to Levi’s body image. During their seven-year-long relationship Levi had gone from having a petite feminine body to being a short but buff kind of built — especially after going through top surgery and years of hitting the gym. Throughout all of it, Eren’s desire for Levi had never wavered.
No matter what stage Levi’s body had been in, Eren’s hunger for it had remained unchanged, and one day Levi had drunkenly confessed how much his self confidence was relying on that. So when Eren started expressing discomfort at the idea of Levi going to the gym, it had really been a no brainer for Levi.
And so had been other small indirect requests.
That was a huge advantage Eren still had over this new date of Levi’s and Eren would put it to good use very soon.
Yes. Eren had learned so much and was ready to make Levi his again… this time for good.
Inside the restaurant, Levi was making conversation with his date. He was a blond lanky guy named Farlan Church, though Eren couldn’t find anything more than that. He had no social media and the google email he’d used to sign up for his tinder profile wasn’t associated with any other account, not even a Netflix one. He just used YouTube to look at recipes.
Even with his background in IT and his many years working in cybersecurity — not to mention his slightly illegal habit of hacking other people in his free time — Eren could only find Farlan’s tinder profile and the email address he used for work.
Golden boy was squeaky clean, or so it seemed.
In Eren’s experience, those people always ended up hiding something nasty. And he was dead set on finding out what.
He took another drag at his cigarette as he observed Levi’s demeanor as the date progressed. His shoulders were relaxed, which meant he’d liked the food, but his jaw was set and his nostril flared every now and then. Whatever Farlan must be saying, Levi was clearly displeased by it. Well, it was clear to someone like Eren, who was used to reading his every micro reaction, but Farlan seemed completely oblivious to Levi’s annoyance.
Eren felt his lips stretch into a grin.
He knew why Levi had chosen Farlan.
Eren had seen all their chats thanks to the spyware he had installed on Levi’s phone when they were still dating. Every text, every call and every tinder notification was mirrored in real time on a burner phone currently tucked into Eren’s back pocket. It was, of course, Eren’s most precious and dangerous possession, and it had infinitely helped him through the years in understanding Levi better.
Take Farlan, for example. He was a typical nice guy, soft-spoken, with a quiet temperament and always radiating calm. Quite the opposite of Eren, whose emotions ran hot and whose nature was possibly the wildest on the whole fucking planet.
Levi had found Eren’s antithesis and had chosen him to start over, Eren understood that. Which was why Eren had to interfere (without Levi’s knowledge, of course) as much as possible and hijack the date to send a very clear message to Levi: anti-Eren doesn’t work for you.
As of now, there was no need for sabotage. Farlan was already doing that on his own.
So when later — as Levi and Farlan stepped outside the restaurant and Eren quickly put out his cigarette to avoid being spotted — Eren read Levi’s lips asking Farlan to come over to his place, Eren couldn’t believe it. Levi was really determined to see the date all the way through, even if he hadn’t liked Farlan all that much in person.
Eren sighed. In the long run it wouldn’t matter. Even if they slept together, it would be only a small delay in his plan.
He walked in the direction of Levi’s apartment, not following the same route Levi and Farlan had chosen, taking his time as he did. He opted for heading to the small park near Levi’s place, it was mostly empty at this hour anyway — except for the occasional crackhead, but they were harmless to Eren.
Leaning against a tree, Eren pulled out his real phone to check on the feed of a hidden camera.
He had installed in Levi’s bedroom a few months after they had moved in together. Levi, of course, was unaware of its existence and Eren had carefully kept it that way for several years. It had proven itself incredibly useful: Eren recorded every time they had sex and saved every video in a hidden folder on his computer.
Initially, it was just to watch the recordings over and over again to learn what moves Levi liked best. After the brake up, though, Eren had used the camera to watch everything Levi did. Sometimes, he would use it to watch Levi sleep. Mostly, he used it to see when Levi masturbated, what he watched to get off and, most importantly, if he was bringing someone home to fuck.
But Levi hadn’t brought home anyone for six whole months. He only sometimes had his friends over, but that was it.
Eren had partly played a role in it. Most of the time, the guys texting Levi were disgusting or had no game, so Levi would block them fast and Eren didn’t have to intervene. But there had been rare cases in which Levi responded positively to someone, and in those occasions Eren had to be quick to find dirt on these guys and blackmail them into blocking Levi.
Except for once.
The feed on Eren’s phone screen was still pitch black. Even with night vision he didn’t spot anything out of place, so Levi and Farlan must still be on their way. He thought about lighting up another cigarette, but shortly after he saw the light of the corridor being turned on and discarded the idea.
Levi and Farlan stumbled into the bedroom and Eren clenched his teeth as he watched the two men kissing passionately. Levi’s cheeks were slightly flushed but his clothes were still on and not looking disheveled. It meant they hadn’t done anything else in the other rooms or (god forbid) in an alley along the way.
Eren sneered internally, thinking of how he used to make Levi cum with his tongue at least once before moving things to the bedroom.
This Farlan guy was evidently a rookie.
By the end of the performance, Eren thought maybe rookie wasn’t the correct word. Totally inept was actually more appropriate. Farlan had eaten out Levi for an obscenely short amount of time, then decided it was time to stick it in and clumsily thrusted inside Levi for a couple of minutes, completely neglecting Levi’s clit. No dirty talk, no sweet — or degrading, depending on what mood Levi was on — words, none of the attention Eren used to shower Levi with when they’d been together. Levi hadn’t moaned the way he had when he’d been under Eren, all desperate with tears streaming down his face.
No, poor Levi hadn’t even orgasmed. He tried to explain Farlan what he liked, but Levi wasn’t used to it, Eren had just learned without Levi having to breathe a word.
If it wasn’t that Eren was itching to physically remove Farlan from Levi’s life as soon as possible, he would hope that the guy was going to make it up to Levi with a second round. Instead, Farlan pulled out and collapsed next to Levi with a lovesick smile and the eyes of who just had the best fuck of his life.
Levi was wearing a polite hint of a smile but Eren knew better. His eyebrows were knitted more tightly than usual, his jaw kept clenching and unclenching periodically, his hands twitched imperceptibly at his sides.
Oh, yes. Levi was pissed.
Eren smiled smugly and turned the volume up, ready to hear Levi go off on him.
But, again, Levi surprised him.
“Well, that was a start,” Levi mumbled absentmindedly, like he was reassuring himself.
Farlan laughed, cheeks pink with embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I usually last more than that, it’s just been a long time.”
Levi’s gaze softened.
Eren seethed.
After a few unbearable minutes of kisses and cuddles, Farlan got up and started to gather his clothes. Levi looked at him with a confused frown that Eren shared.
“Aren’t you staying?”
“I can’t, I’m really sorry,” Farlan said, pulling up his pants. “I have a family’s event pretty early tomorrow, so I need to get going.”
“Maybe next time then,” Levi said, uncertainly.
A ghost of an expression passed on Farlan’s face as he looked at his phone, something so quick Eren barely saw it. Then, he was smiling again at Levi.
“Yeah. Next time.”
Interesting, Eren thought as he watched Levi walking out his date. Farlan was definitely hiding something.
Eren quickly made his way to the corner right before Levi’s street and waited. A few minutes later, Farlan stepped out of the building, facing away from Eren and waking down the street in a relaxed stride. He was even whistling.
Before he could get to the main road to flag down a taxi, Eren caught up to him in an empty alley. He lowered his hoodie further down and grabbed the brass knuckles in his back pocket, quickly slipping it on his fingers. He didn’t bother concealing his footsteps, as Farlan was still in his post orgasm glow and seemed to be oblivious to his surroundings. He only noticed the sound of Eren’s steps getting closer when it was too late and Eren was right behind him.
In other circumstances, Eren might have felt sorry for what he was about to do, but Farlan stank of Levi’s pussy when he had no right to. So Eren didn’t give him a chance to react in any way.
He grabbed Farlan’s jacket, abruptly turned him around and punched him hard on his still flushed face. Eren felt Farlan’s cheekbone crack satisfyingly under the blow and hot blood rain down on his exposed skin, a twisted baptism of violence that only fueled Eren’s rage. He hit Farlan again and again, watching with immense satisfaction that any color still present on Farlan’s face was draining fast.
Farlan’s mouth dropped open, but Eren acted before he could scream. He crushed Farlan’s windpipe with his palm and let go of him, enjoying the way Farlan crumbled to the floor gasping and coughing up blood.
He gave Farlan a single moment to rest, then Eren grabbed a fistful of his blond hair and dragged him away from the lamplight, pushing him up against the wall. Eren waited for their eyes to meet before speaking in a deep tone.
“Your phone.”
Still gasping for air, Farlan reached into his jeans pocket and handed it to Eren with a trembling hand.
“Unlocked,” Eren growled impatiently. “Or do you want me to break your jaw next?”
Farlan moaned in fear. It took him two tries to type in his code, his face too messed up for facial recognition and his hands shaking uncontrollably. Finally, the phone chimed with a clicking sound and Eren wasted no time in grabbing it, keeping his other hand in Farlan’s hair to hold him still.
Eren quickly opened the messenger app and he didn’t even have to scroll to find what he’d been looking for. There was a pinned chat with a woman’s name and three hearts next to it. The last texts between them made Eren smile in triumph.
From Isabel ❤️❤️❤️:
Have fun with your friends! Miss you already ❤️
From you:
You know I’ll be thinking about you the whole time ❤️
Eren snorted. Nothing says thinking about your girlfriend quite like getting balls deep into another man’s pussy.
He took a screenshot of the chat, complete with Isabel’s profile picture visible, sent it to himself it for future use and deleted his tracks. He then blocked Levi’s contact and slid Farlan’s phone back into his jeans pocket while Farlan’s eyes frantically tracked his every movement.
“You have two options right now: you either disappear from Levi’s life abruptly and indefinitely, or I keep rearranging your pretty face until not even your pregnant fiancée will be able to recognize you.” Eren casually let his brass knuckles catch the light. “Choose wisely.”
Farlan raised his hands. “I-I’m going! No more contacts with Levi, I s-swear!”
Eren smiled. “Good choice.”
His grip on Farlan’s hair loosened and he watched as Farlan slid back to the floor with a grunt, blood still flowing copiously from his face.
Eren still didn’t break eye contact as he kept talking. “This goes without saying, but if you make a police report, you’ll find out just how much I’ve been holding back just now.”
Farlan had tears flowing on his cheeks when Eren left him in that darkened alley.
-
Afterwards, Eren took a long walk home.
He needed to think what his next move would be. Levi was going to be devastated at the news that Farlan had blocked him, which was the perfect opening for Eren to sneak back into Levi’s life. He didn’t want to text Levi out of the blue without an excuse, the timing would be too suspicious and Eren didn’t want Levi to know he already knew all about Farlan.
Eren had not texted Levi since the breakup and was pretty sure Levi still had his contact blocked on every messaging and social media app. It was probably the one thing inside Levi’s phone that Eren hadn’t tampered with and had no intention to change it, it was a matter of principle. Eren wanted to shape Levi’s circumstances in his own favor, but the first step to get in contact had to come from Levi himself.
It was essential and not just for Eren’s pride.
Eren had learned the hard way that Levi’s line was his friends Hanji and Erwin, but Eren could slowly get Levi to give up other things in his life Eren didn’t approve of if Levi was the one to come crawling back.
He just needed to find a discreet opening. Something that would get Levi to remember how good they had been together. How good they could still be.
A reminder.
Eren took his phone out and started scrolling absentmindedly through the pictures in his camera roll. He knew that after breaking up Levi had deleted a lot of pictures of the two of them, but he still scrolled through the “memories” albums throughout the years to see if he could find something useful. Even if Levi had deleted it, Eren could still put it back.
It took a while, but in the end he found it.
It was a picture from around two years ago, taken during a romantic getaway in Venice to celebrate Eren’s big promotion. The hotel room had a huge mirror and they had taken full advantage of it whenever they weren’t out exploring. Levi’s favorite sex position is being held face down against the mattress with his ass up in the air but always lamented not being able to see Eren, so the mirror had been a perfect solution — although limited to the hotel room. After a night of numerous rounds of sex, Levi had taken this picture while sitting in Eren’s lap, his back to the mirror and looking to the side to point his camera at their reflection. Eren’s face was hidden behind Levi’s torso, only his bun and his hands were visible. They were holding Levi’s waist, surrounded by all the bite marks and bruises Eren had left on Levi’s pale skin.
Levi’s profile was beautiful, the dawn’s first light coming from the window giving him a golden aura, his signature style undercut freshly shaven, hair in disarray, lips swollen, eyes tired and content.
Levi had kept this one. Eren knew it wasn’t a casual choice, knew it was one of Levi’s favorite pictures of the two of them together.
Levi normally didn’t particularly care for taking pictures, the moments he had felt the urge to do so had been rare during their relationship and Eren had encouraged them all. This shot had been the only semi-nude they had taken — Levi wasn’t a fan of recording or taking pictures during sexual acts, reason why Eren had installed the camera in the first place — so almost all their pictures together were clothed and very innocent.
The rare pictures or videos taken while fucking had been the result of Eren’s insistence, which hadn’t happened often since Eren had his secret recordings anyways, but Levi afterwards would usually insist to delete them all, saying they made him uncomfortable. Of course Eren had kept them all, but Levi didn’t need to know that. And how can anyone blame Eren? The angle of the hidden camera just wasn’t the same of a close-up of Levi’s pussy stretching around Eren’s thick cock in doggy.
Eren smiled down at his phone screen and hurried his pace.
He had a notification to set on Levi’s phone.
-
Eren reached his apartment just as Levi found out he had been ghosted. He called Hanji and raged on the phone with them as Eren worked at his computer, listening with a heavy heart to Levi’s heartbroken voice.
He hated hearing Levi in pain. It was necessary, of course, but Eren still hated it.
This was going to open old wounds. Levi had been estranged from his only living relative and a few close friends after coming out as a man, so Eren knew how deeply this was going to hurt Levi. He was determined to be there for him and remind him who would always be by his side.
Eren set up the notification on Levi’s clone phone from his own computer as Levi vented on the phone with Hanji. Nothing that would look too suspicious, just the usual pop up saying ‘You have a new memory’ with the preview of the picture he’d chosen and the date it was taken.
The trickiest part to figure out was going to be the timing.
Levi was too angry right now, it would only aggravate him further. That was alright, Eren could bide his time, and he knew Levi well, he knew all the phases that were going to follow: first anger, which was going to last until Levi would hang up the phone. Then, slowly, the self doubt would start sneaking its way in, making Levi rethink all of his actions, maybe even read his text conversations with Farlan again. He would cry it out by tomorrow, most likely, and that was going to be Eren’s cue.
Eren went to take a shower, deciding he just was gonna have to wait it out. By the time he came back, Levi’s shoulders were starting to sag and his eyes were duller. He disconnected the call and threw his phone on the bed with a frustrated growl. The phone bounced on the covers and fell face down on the floor, pulling another angry sound from Levi’s throat.
He left his phone there and started changing the sheets, muttering under his breath.
Eren sat back on his chair, grabbing the towel around his shoulders and dabbing off the water droplets still falling from his hair. His eyes were glued on Levi, studying his movements obsessively.
He thought Levi would try to sleep soon, it was after 1 am after all, but he didn’t look tired at all. He seemed different, almost… restless. Maybe he was still angry, Eren thought with a frown as he threw his towel in the hamper once he was done with it.
No, Levi didn’t quite looked like he was angry. No pacing, no scrubbing nervously of the pristine bathroom tiles, no permanently contracted jaw. No, Levi put on fresh sheets and now was standing awkwardly on his feet, glaring down at his phone still lying face down on the floor, a faint blush tainting his pale cheeks. Then he visibly shook himself and snatched it back with a sigh.
He quickly checked the screen and lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling with an annoyed frown.
Eren was intrigued. Maybe he had overestimated Levi’s attachment to Farlan. He had seemed pretty determined to make things work with Farlan and now could see that Levi was sad, but there was something else clouding that emotion that Eren couldn’t quite figure out yet.
He heard Levi muttering a quiet, “Fuck it.”
Eren watched as Levi slid under the clean sheets, his cheeks now a full red Eren had only seen in intimate moments.
The realization hit him just as Levi moved frantically under the cover while he reached a hand out to get something from his nightstand. Levi was frustrated. Not that Eren blamed him, Levi had spent six months with no sex and the one time he finally managed to find someone he actually liked, it turned out awfully. Poor Levi hadn’t even had an orgasm yet, no wonder he was so pent-up.
Eren spread his legs to accommodate the erection forming underneath his sweatpants as Levi finally turned on his vibrator and let out a strangled sound of relief. Oh, how he wished he could teleport under those sheets and be the one to rip orgasm after orgasm from Levi’s body, until he was finally satisfied. And Eren knew all too well how to accomplish that, had done so with his mouth and his cock.
His mind sent faint sounds of alarm bells before all the remaining blood in his brain could flow to his dick.
That was his cue.
Levi’s labored breath was getting louder, he wasn’t going to last much longer, Eren didn’t have much time to act.
His hands flew on his keyboard as he set up for the phone notification to be sent on Levi’s phone after his orgasm, before the after glow could completely fade, which was going to happen fast — Levi’s most intense orgasms usually involved penetration but he had a habit of just using an external vibrator to masturbate on his own.
Sex had been the only area of their relationship still working perfectly by the end. If Eren could remind Levi how good it had been and get back in even just as a fuck buddy, he knew he would eventually convince Levi to get back together.
Levi threw his head back and moaned, desperately chasing his own release. Levi’s phone vibrated on the other side of the bed, but Levi was too busy to hear it. Eren’s eyes shot at the speed of light to see the mirror notification on his clone phone — just a text from Hanji, asking how Levi was feeling — but then they were back on Levi as he came, his legs trembling slightly under the duvet, his mouth slightly open and his eyes closed.
The bliss was short-lived in Levi’s beautiful eyes. Too soon, the heaviness of the day was back to darken their deep, stormy grey, drawing together his eyebrows into his trademark frown, and Eren wasn’t surprised to hear Levi sigh.
Eren sent out the notification and Levi’s forgotten phone vibrated again.
He watched as Levi glanced at it, then fixed his pjs back on and put his vibrator in charge. He turned off the lights and finally reached for the offending device with another sigh, probably expecting just worried messages from his friends.
Eren held his breath as Levi finally read the notification with their picture together.
The light was too dim and the camera too far to make out Levi’s exact expression, but Eren saw Levi’s body freezing in surprise for a moment before he clicked on the picture.
Levi stared at it for a long time. He bit down on his lip. His eyes were glazed over.
Eren smiled in the darkness of his room.
Got you.
-
Levi texted him the day after. Eren knew it was coming, had seen Levi pacing nervously up and down his apartment and avoiding Hanji’s questions in his texts, so it had been obvious that Levi was on the verge to cave in.
From Levi:
Hey
The text was simple and open, which was uncharacteristic for Levi. His texting style usually consisted of short messages straight to the point, as he had always preferred to communicate face to face. This time, Levi had to make an exception to his own rule, which pleased Eren immensely.
He read the message after half an hour, then replied after another 20 minutes, enjoying Levi’s increased nervous-pacing and cleaning around the house as the wait stretched on.
From you:
Hi
This is a nice surprise
From Levi:
Yeah
It’s been a while
Eren waited for Levi to say more, but Levi locked his phone and went to the kitchen, probably to make himself another cup of tea.
From you:
It has
I have to be honest, I wasn’t expecting to hear from you again
Levi didn’t answer immediately. By the time he did, his steaming cup of tea was finished.
From Levi:
I’m surprised too
I thought you’d be the one to reach out first
From you:
I didn’t think you’d want that
From Levi:
I didn’t
But I’m glad to see you haven’t blocked me
From you:
You know I wouldn’t
You know that
Eren’s lips stretched into a smile as he saw the hint of a pleased blush on Levi’s cheeks.
From Levi:
Still, it’s nice to have confirmation
Eren read the message instantly, but didn’t reply. He was determined to wait for Levi to say why he had decided to text him first without having to press him for it.
Levi understood, of course, and was back to pacing nervously around his bedroom, typing something in his notes app (which Eren was reading in his mirror phone, of course) only to delete it right after. Levi sighed in annoyance, a hand threading through his jet black hair.
From Levi:
I’m not good at texting, but I’d like us to talk
From you:
You want to call?
Levi took a while to answer that. Eren understood why. A call was safer, but if Levi wanted to have sex again, it just wasn’t gonna do.
From Levi:
If I wanted to call, I would have just called
Eren chuckled at the response. He had never minded Levi’s snappish tone over text, even though that was rarely the emotion Levi was trying to convey. It was the whole reason Levi disliked texting so much, he used to say it made his social awkwardness needlessly increase.
From Levi:
Sorry
You know I didn’t mean it like that
From you:
I know 😂
Where and when?
From Levi:
I’m free tonight. My place?
Eren pretended to stall, typed some gibberish just to delete it and make the typing bubble disappear a few times, trying to convey a silent reaction of surprise at being invited at Levi’s place. After all, at this point there were not many reasons for him to ask Eren to meet somewhere private.
He saw Levi watching their chat apprehensively and basked in the feeling of finally having Levi’s attention on him. Then, he finally put Levi out of his misery.
From you:
See you later
Levi smiled at his phone screen. It lasted barely a second but Eren saw it before it could disappear.
He was excited.
Eren licked his lips and decided it was time to shave — face and crotch, Levi was into chest hair only — and think about a present to buy for Levi.
He was not going to show up empty handed.
-
Eren was lucky, he reached Levi’s favorite tea shop just in time before it closed for the weekend. He knew from snooping around Levi’s phone that he was short on a few of his preferred blends, so Eren went with the one Levi had been drinking on a daily basis ever since he could afford it: gyokuro. It was more expensive than other kinds of green tea, but Eren didn’t mind that one bit.
This would be better than a bouquet of roses to Levi.
He was at Levi’s door five minutes early. He checked Levi’s social media the way he normally would, then silenced his phone and slid it into his jacket pocket — the other one mirroring Levi’s own phone was hidden back in his own apartment, of course. He rang the doorbell and glanced at his reflection in the glass door. He went for something nice but not elegant: baggy jeans, white sneakers, a tight black shirt (just to show off his muscles) and a leather jacket.
He had missed wearing something that wasn’t sweatpants, gym shorts or large hoodies, as useful as they had been in hiding him out in plain sight.
Levi buzzed him in and Eren jogged up the familiar flight of stairs with a pang of nostalgia. He may have stalked the outside of this building many times, but he’d never gone inside after the breakup — boundaries and all that.
Levi was already at the door when Eren reached the third floor.
He was as beautiful as he always was in Eren’s dreams. Eren had seen him pretty much every day in the past six months, but only through a screen of a far away camera. In the rare cases he had followed Levi in person, there had been a safe distance to maintain to avoid getting caught.
And now Eren could finally admire again the perfection that was Levi’s face from up close again.
The narrow, pointy nose, the light dusting of freckles that is usually most visible in the summer but still resisting the approaching of winter, the lips that Levi would so often purse in annoyance, the eyes that embodied the perfect storm of blue and grey… Eren had missed it all and the extent of it left him breathless for a moment, left him gaping like a fish the same way he had been during their very first meeting.
Levi was smirking at him, likely knowing what was going on in Eren’s head. The sparkle in his eyes told Eren he wasn’t too annoyed at being gawked at.
Eren’s determination sharpened inside him. If Levi wanted someone to stare at him in awe, if he was looking for someone to worship him every time as if it were the first, there was no other man more fit for the job than Eren.
Levi’s eyes slid down Eren’s body, drinking in the added layer of muscles Eren had made sure to build in the months they had spent apart. Levi swallowed and his gaze paused for a few seconds on Eren’s pectorals before their eyes met again. Levi’s cheeks looked a little more flushed than moments ago, but Eren pretended not to notice — Levi wouldn’t react well if Eren started to get cocky right off the bat.
Eren smiled at him. “Hey.”
“Hi.” Levi then seemed to notice they were still standing in the doorway, and stepped aside to let Eren in.
Eren walked in, and another wave of nostalgia hit him like a brick wall.
Levi had completely renovated the apartment after Eren left, but the shape of the walls, the atmosphere was the same and it pulled at Eren’s heart. The kitchen counter was painfully familiar, Eren could see the faint scratching lines Levi had left on the side during one of the countless times Eren had sat him on to eat him out first thing in the morning. Couch and library had been moved, there was a new coffee table too.
Eren swallowed and finally turned to offer Levi the little bag with his present. “I, uh… didn’t want to show up empty-handed.”
Blinking, Levi pulled out the metal can and stared in surprise at the handwritten label spelling gyokuro.
“You shouldn’t have. It’s expensive. And how did you know I ran out?”
“I didn’t. It’s just the one you most frequently run out of, beside sencha. But I know that gyokuro is more expensive than sencha, and I wanted you to treat yourself.”
The lie slipped out effortlessly through a charming smile with just a hint of shyness, a combination that tended to work really well on Levi. Of course Eren had known Levi was running out of his favorite expensive tea — the only luxury he allowed himself. Eren had access to all of Levi’s phone, shopping list included, and he liked to be thorough.
And, of course, to spoil Levi.
His reward was a small smile with a warm glint in Levi’s eyes, and Eren felt his soul soar into the sky in response.
“Take a seat. I’ll make us both a cup,” Levi said.
Eren took off his jacket and went to sit on the couch, looking around at the new furniture as if he was looking at it for the first time (technically he was, it was the first time in person). Levi came to sit on the other end a few minutes later, carrying two steaming mugs and handing one to Eren. He accepted it with a smile and a nod, inhaling the familiar scent with another pang of sadness in his stomach.
He didn’t mind tea. He certainly didn’t share Levi’s passion, Eren used to drink it more out of habit since Levi made it so often, but after the breakup he hadn’t been able to handle the smell without Levi’s presence. Now, he was surprised to find out he had actually missed the tea too.
“How have you been?” Eren asked.
Levi took a few sips before answering.
“Good. It feels lonely sometimes, but now Hanji and Erwin started going to the gym with me. I see them a lot.”
“That’s good. I’m glad.”
And that wasn’t a lie. Eren knew he had fucked up big time on that front.
Levi shot him a look but didn’t comment. “What about you?”
“Better now that I have my own place. I stayed at Zeke’s for a couple of weeks at the start. You can imagine how that went.”
Levi raised his eyebrows. He and Eren’s half brother Zeke had never gotten along. Zeke wasn’t impressed by the 15-year age gap between Levi and Eren, and — funnily enough — often accused Levi of being a manipulative asshole who was taking advantage of his little brother any chance he got.
Ironic, really.
“Two weeks living together? Is Zeke even still alive?”
Eren smirked. “Can’t tell you or you won’t have plausible deniability.”
Levi laughed as he put the empty mug on the coffee table. Eren took the last sip of his own tea and did the same.
“Thank you for the tea,” Levi said after a while. “It was delicious.”
“Hey, you take the credit. I did the easy part, you did it justice by brewing it the right way.”
“You always messed it up,” Levi said, looking away from him.
Eren grinned, but it died down quickly. “I did. I messed up a lot of things.”
Levi didn’t answer.
“I am sorry about it all. I don’t know if that’s the reason why you asked me to come, but I think you deserve to hear it anyway—”
“I slept with someone.”
Eren blinked. He wasn’t sure how to read Levi’s tone and couldn’t even get a read on Levi’s expression as he was still facing the other way… and yet Eren still felt like he was being observed closely.
“I know.”
Levi whipped his head around. “How do you know that?”
Eren stared back at him. “Don’t give me that look. You left two dirty glasses in the sink for me to see and now you wanna act like you didn’t do that on purpose?”
Levi had the grace to blush. He didn’t try to deny it, it was useless. Both knew that Levi wouldn’t leave dirty glassware in the sink even if he were on his deathbed. What Eren couldn’t wrap his head around was the reason why… not only Levi had never been a fan of Eren’s jealousy, but he had never been the one to play games like this to test Eren.
“Is that why you called me? You wanted to rub in my face that you moved on?” Eren’s voice took on a colder edge. He already knew that wasn’t the case, but wanted to ruffle Levi’s feathers a bit.
“No!” Levi actually sounded indignant and Eren pretended to relax slightly. “No, I’m sorry, that was just a stupid way to see if you’d be… jealous, I guess. It was childish.”
“Mission fucking accomplished, then. How could I not be jealous exactly? You’re being delusional if you think six months are enough to get over you.” Eren crossed his arms over his chest. Then, he added a scathing, “At least for me.”
Oh, how divine anger looked on Levi. Cheeks blushing, eyes sparkling, eyebrows drawn together so tight Eren wondered if later Levi would need a massage to relax the muscles again. He was breathing hard, lips drawn in a snarl.
“Fuck you, Eren. I forgot what a gigantic asshole you can be, fucking hell. Six months is nothing to get over what you were for me. You’re a fucking piece of shit and I still love you, you absolute bastard. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
Eren was a little happy to know that. But still…
“Me? I’m not the one who called it quits. You are the one who should be happy. I’ve been exactly what you’d expect from me: miserable. And now you call me to let me know you fucked someone else even when I’m trying to apologize and make it right— what exactly am I supposed to think? What do you want from me, Levi?”
Eren’s eyes bore into Levi’s and Levi seemed utterly unprepared for it.
“I called it quits because you couldn’t handle that I had friends. And you fucking won’t go to therapy!”
And there it was. Eren’s moment to shine.
He looked down quickly, jaw set tight, hands balling into fists, fully retreating from the confrontation. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you didn’t answer the questions I asked.”
Levi took a lot of time to say anything back and Eren kept his gaze fixed on the opposite wall, refusing to meet his undoubtedly searching eyes.
“Oh my god, you are actually going to therapy, aren’t you?”
“I’ll answer you if you answer me, how does that sound?”
Levi actually scooted closer, grabbing Eren’s shoulders and forcibly turning him so that they were facing each other once again.
“You are. You really are! Why didn’t you tell me?”
Eren scowled. “Because I started going when it was too late. And what was I supposed to do? Text you out of the blue ‘hey, I did end up in therapy by the way and it’s working, even though I used to think it was bullshit!’ It just sounds like a lie to get you back.”
Levi’s eyes were wide and searching, and Eren did not shrink from them. He hadn’t lied, he was going to therapy and it was helping him, just not in the way Levi was hoping. It gave him the right words to use, words that Levi had been wanting to hear from him for a long time, and that Eren hadn’t understood until recently. It gave him an incredible advantage that he had been too blind to realize six months ago.
“Why now?” Levi asked.
His fingers were digging painfully into Eren’s shoulders, but Eren didn’t think he was aware of it.
“Because Zeke told me the same things you had been telling me for months. That I was too insecure and it was making me a control freak. Zeke also added I was turning into our father, which he got punched for, but… he ultimately was right. And you were, too. It hit me that if two people — polar opposites of one another as you and Zeke are — were telling me the same thing, it couldn’t just be a coincidence. So I started going five months ago.”
Levi was quiet for a long time. He stared right into Eren’s eyes, standing so still that at one point Eren had to look at Levi’s chest to make sure he was still breathing.
He opted for humor to snap Levi out of it.
“Are you in shock because I’m going to therapy or because you and Zeke actually agreed on something?”
Levi blinked.
Eren went on, a hint of a shy smile on his face. “For me it’s still the second one.”
Levi blinked again, then began to laugh. Just a chuckle at first, and then Eren was laughing too and neither seemed to be able to stop for quite a while. Levi was so beautiful like that, head on the headrest, hair scattered, cheeks slightly pink, eyes bright and warm in a way they hadn’t been for months, even prior to their breakup.
It was just a sparkle, but Eren knew what it meant instantly. It might not happen tonight, or in a month, but Levi was going to give him another chance. Maybe Levi himself hadn’t realized it yet, but Eren knew that spark well, it had been the finish line of whatever argument they had in the past. The point where Levi let go of his anger and Eren knew he could get another chance if he played it right.
And now more than ever he knew how to do just that.
“I know it’s kind of pointless to say it after all this time, but I am sorry.”
Levi’s lips twitched. “Not pointless. Maybe a little reductive considering how much you have to be sorry for… but it’s a start.”
Eren grinned. “I’ll drink to that.”