Chapter Text
2017
There was a small break before they needed to continue filming for the survival show and all eight guys decided to have a small meal. Chan brought them all fried chicken! The guys sat around in a circle and were joking around as always.
“Did you guys finish practicing the new added moves to the choreography?” Chan asked the youngest members Jeongin and Seungmin.
“Yes Chan-hyung, Minho-hyung was helping me and Seungmin earlier, and we were able to get it down”. He answered cheerfully to Chan their leader.
“Excellent! I knew I could count on Minho as always to help our youngest members out!” He smiled before biting gleefully into his fried chicken.
”Minho-hyung, I need help next” Han winked at him from across the circle and grinned. To this Minho blushed and the others laughed.
“Oh stop Sungie, you don’t even need any help!” Woojin piped in semi laughing, semi rolling his eyes. He was sitting next to Jisung so the eyeroll wasn’t noticed by him. “You can dance better than me sometimes”.
“Oh stop, I just need to spend more time with Minho-hyung because look at his face, he is sooooo…” Jisung said but before he could finish…
“BEAUTIFUL” the rest of the members piped in laughing! (Everyone but Minho who was blushing and Woojin who was biting into his chicken leg).
It was no secret to the members, or to anyone that Jisung thought Minho was so beautiful. He has said it on multiple occasions that when he first met him, he couldn’t believe that anyone was better looking than him. Slowly because of this and because of the fact that Jisung genuinely liked hanging out with Minho, they started to become close. They spent a lot of time together, hanging out at their dorm, watching movies and anime together. Han sometimes joined in on the practices where Minho was helping the other members practice their choreography, just because he liked being around him. During this time, Jisung was not the most mature. He often got into it with Hyunjin, and it just made sense to him to spend time with the guys he could enjoy being with.
As they all started to finish and cleaned up, they went to get touch ups on their tv makeup. They did not wear much during the filming, just enough to cover a couple of pimples here and there. They were mostly all teenage boys after all.
The filming took over 5 hours today. Not the longest, but still exhausting. It was time to go home and have some dinner. They did not have to film the dinner today or any any interactions past dinner until the next day. Sometimes they would get breaks from the cameras, and today happened to be that day.
Jisung was sitting outide on their porch after dinner and just staring at the sky. He had a notepad and pencil and was writing some things down. Soon after going outside, Minho came to join him and sat on the other chair next to him.
“Hey Sungie, what are you working on?” Minho said quietly as he too began to look at the sky.
”Oh hey Hyung, I am just writing some things down that are on my mind” Jisung responded.
“A new song?” Minho asked, looking at the younger guy beside him.
“No….well I mean… it could turn into a song someday. It’s just my thoughts. Almost like poems or a diary. Just to remember things, because if I don’t write them down, I feel like I might forget them.” He replied.
“That’s a good idea! I think I sometimes forget things too. Maybe I should start writing things down” Minho replied.
“You should! If you ever need help with how to write things down from the thoughts in your head, let me know I can help!” Jisung looked at Minho with a cheesy smile.
“Ok, I will. Hey uh.. .Sungie… can I uh ask you something?” Minho suddenly asked, feeling braver than usual.
“Uh huh” he nodded.
“Why do you…I mean I don’t… well I..” he was too nervous now all of a sudden and forgot how to speak properly.
”What? Spit it out Lee Minhooooooo” Jisung extended that last syllable on the end of his name.
“Why are you always bringing up the first time you met me?” Minho replied hurriedly.
“Oh, haha. Hyung why are you so nervous to ask me that. You ARE beautiful. Why wouldn’t I mention it?” Jisung replied.
“Well, aren’t you … afraid that someone might take it the wrong way?” Minho asked. He was nervous again.
“No, Minho you have become one of my best friends and I can call my best friend, beautiful, gorgeous, hot… anything I want because it is true. I do not lie.” He replied.
“Ok… I just wanted to make sure…” Minho started to say
“Hey guys” a voice came from behind, the glass door suddenly opening. “What are you doing out here?”
The two guys in their seats looked up to see Woojin.
“Oh hey nothing, me and hyung here are talking about how I think he is so gorgeous” he smiled up at him.
“Again? Jisung, don’t you think it is time to stop with that. I mean yea he is good looking but I think we all are don’t you think?” Woojin responded as he made his way to sit on the last chair available.
“Yes, hyung we all are but no one can beat Mr. Lee Minho” he responded.
Minho was quiet. He didn’t particularly hate anyone in the group. He was a nice guy, got along with everyone, but sometimes… especially during times that he was with Jisung… Woojin would materialize out of thin air. He didn’t know why but it just bothered him. Ever since he first met Jisung, and ever since they started to become close, they were always in the same vicinity. Wherever he went, Jisung was sure to follow, but so was Woojin. He knew that having either guys around all the time, more than two people could hang out at one time, but for some reason he particularly did not enjoy having that extra time taken away from him.
After a few minutes of a back and forth exchange between the other two, Minho got up to go back inside. He needed to shower and go to sleep anyway because tomorrow they would be shooting their first music video for Hellevator.
———
It was the night of the first elimination and Jisung ran out of the van and up to the dorms in hopes of finding Minho.
He was gone. He wasn’t there. He left and didn’t say goodbye.
He took out his phone to send a text.
Jisung: Minho, where are you. Why didn’t you say goodbye.
Minho: I’m sorry Sungie. I was told to take out all my things before everyone got there and whatever I couldn’t pack, they would send it to me.
Jisung: WTF. How. Why would they do that?
Han was fuming now. First of all, he couldn’t believe that Minho had been eliminated. Second, he didn’t think he would actually be taken out of the dorms so fast. His tears, which he held back during the taping were starting to fall now. He was sad, but most of all mad! His best friend was gone and he didn’t know how all of this worked and if they would have chances to see each other again. He ran to find Chan.
Chan was in the living room comforting Jeongin who was still crying, and Seungmin too. Seungmin knew Minho before and it was hitting him hard too.
”Chan-hyung, is this it? Is he really gone? The company… they kicked him out of a home too and wont let us talk to him anymore?” Jisung asked with tear stained angry eyes.
“I.. I think so Jisung. I don’t actually know. I have never gone through this before either. I mean I think we can still talk to him. I just think he won’t be living here anymore” he said patting Jeongin’s head and more tears fell from the younger boy’s eyes.
“What the fuck” he said as he plopped himself in the other sofa. Woojin and Changbin came and sat down as well. Woojin sat next to Jisung and started hugging him. Jisung was trying not to cry anymore, but tears wouldn’t stop coming.
“It’s gonna be ok” Woojin said, holding on to Jisung. “We will get through this. JYP-nim knows what he is doing and..”
”Don’t say what you are thinking of saying right now Woojin because I swear if you say something dumb, I will not talk to you ever again” Jisung said getting out of Woojin’s hug and glaring at him.
“Woah woah woah Sungie, I was just trying to lighten the mood. I mean, I didn’t want anyone to get eliminated I just… nevermind. I am going to go shower” He said and got up.
Jisung’s phone dinged.
Minho: Don’t worry Sungie. I will come visit. I promise. I just need to go away for a little bit. Thank you for everything though. <3
With this Jisung got up and decided to go for a walk. He needed to let his frustration out and he didn’t want to lash out at anyone in the house.
———
2019
Jisung
Everything was right in the world. The band had their debut as 9. They have been working hard for over a year and even though there have been some tough times. Things were only looking up from here. Their fan base was growing and Jisung couldn’t be happier. He was doing what he loved most in the world with 8 other guys that he had grown fond of. The one exception was Minho. He was an exception because Jisung realized that he not only was fond of his best friend, but he thought… no he KNEW that he had a crush. A crush that had to stay a crush. A crush that could not move anywhere past anything because, one JYP had a three year no dating rule, and two South Korea and two guys dating was a no no. Third, how in the world would he even tell his best friend that he had a crush on him? No, he had to keep it to himself. That is just how things had to be.
Woojin
Woojin was not a hateful man. He liked everyone. Well everyone except maybe Minho. Well, it wasn’t that he “Disliked” Minho. It was more that he did not like that he and Jisung were super close. Woojin knew that they had a really special bond and it made him upset. He really wanted to be the one to have that special bond with Jisung. He thought his opportunity had come when Minho got eliminated, but it only lasted a little while before JYP decided to bring him back. He did like Minho, but he really liked Jisung. Woojin had discovered this when he realized that anything Jisung did or said about Minho made him jealous. He had to keep his feelings unknown though because of the dating rules, but also because he just didn’t know how to tell his crush. He just needed to keep him away from ever dating Lee Minho.
Minho
Minho is in love with Jisung. He knew this much from the first week they met. He just wished he could tell him how he really felt. How could he do that though? How could he tell his best friend that he was in love with him? He loved to spend time with him. He always made him laugh, they hung out and just cuddled sometimes. Oh it felt so good to cuddle with him, but how could he ruin what they have by saying something so stupid like “Han Jisung I have been in love with you for over a year”. This would come as a surprise to Jisung, especially since just a few months ago during their 2 Kids room, Minho had accidently asked Jisung if “he liked him in that way?”, to which Jisung got so confused and did not know what he was talking about. Just thinking it made him cringe. It made him cringe because he didn’t like the idea of rejection and he pretty much got rejected that day. He will keep his feelings to himself. He does however think Changbin and Chan know, but they have not said anything. Good. He hopes it will stay that way.
——-
The guys were filming a tv interview, and Jisung and Minho were talking to the camera next to Chan. They were all laughing, enjoying the questions and quick fire answers. The rest of the members were behind them a little bit because it wasn’t their turn. Jisung was being extra cutesy with Minho. He said something that made his cheeks and ears red. When they were done, it was Felix, Changbin and Seungmin’s turn.
Woojin was tired of it. He hated to see the constant flirting. The flirting that was also infiltrating into tv interviews now. This meant that Minho was probably close to confessing and Jisung would probably not fall far behind. They thought no one knew, but Woojin knew. He knew they liked each other and he had to put an end to this soon.
After they made it back to their dorms, Woojin asked Jisung if they could talk. They went to the living room that was currently empty. Everyone was in their rooms.
”What’s up?” Jisung asked as he plopped himself on the sofa.
“Jisung, I… I’m not sure how to go about this. I wanted to talk to you before I talked to Chan…” He started.
”Wait, what Hyung? What’s going on” He sat up at hearing this.
“Well, you know I care about you right? You know I care about all the team as well.. and..” he trailed off
”And what? What? You are making me nervous! Am I in trouble or something? Did I do something wrong?” Jisung asked starting to bite his bottom lip.
“No, no nothing wrong. I just want to prevent something from being wrong”. He lowered his voice. “Lately I have been noticing that you and Minho are… extra close. Like really close” Woojin said looking at Jisung whose eyes were now open wide in surprise.
“Wait what do you mean hyung? Me and Minho are best friends, of course we are going to be close”. He said quieter now.
“Yes, I know that Sung. I just. Look. I am gonna be honest. I need you to be honest too. I know we all saw that two kids room and we all saw how Minho asked you if you liked him, and I know that he was not joking. I want to know if you were hiding the fact from him that you like him too?” He asked.
“Wha..w..what do mean. Why do you.. why would I..” Jisung stuttered.
“Just be honest. I’m not going to say anything.” Woojin sighed.
“I.. well… hyung. Yes I like him but I was never going to pursue anything” he said even more quieter now.
“Good. Good Jisung. I would really hate for all our hard work to go to waste” He said matter of factly.
“Why would our hard work go to waste?” Jisung said looking up at him with tears welling up in his eyes.
“Do you want Stray Kids to break apart? Do you want the company to kick you out for liking him like that? What would become of Stray Kids? Netizens would have our necks, especially since we are still so new. We would not go anywhere and Stray Kids would seize to exist. Is that what you want?” He asked Jisung.
”No.” Jisung said in small voice.
”I don’t want that either. You are so talented Ji. I believe you will do great things, you will become great. We all will become great, but we need to keep some things to ourselves. Sometimes that means we have to make sacrifices.” Woojin knew this would get the reaction he wanted. He felt bad though because he knew Jisung genuinely liked Minho. The only thing is Woojin liked Jisung as well and he needed time to make him see that.
“Please don’t tell Chan. Hyung please don’t tell anyone. No one knows. Please don’t tell Minho either please” he begged Woojin. Tears now threatening to fall.
“I wont. I just said I was going to talk to Chan, but that was IF you decided to still act on your feelings. Since you are telling me that you won’t for the sake of the band, there is no reason to say anything or bring up unnecessary drama” Woojin said.
“Thank you hyung. I am going to go to the porch and write somethings, if you are done talking to me?” Jisung said standing up to leave.
”yes, I am done. Thanks for understanding”.
With that, Han got up to leave. He went to his room to get his notepad and pencil and then disappeared onto the porch.
Woojin was proud of himself. He knew Jisung was a little naiive and he knew he would convince him. Now the hardest part was keeping his crush to himself. He needed to wait the three years of course, and now they only had two more to go. He definitely thinks this bought him some time.
—-
Minho
There is no one… no one Minho dislikes more than Woojin. Every day he has to say something snarky to him. Everyday he takes Jisung to the side and away from Minho. Not only that he does some mean things to the younger members. It feels like every day something is up with him. Every day, there is something he wants to argue about with anyone, especially him. Not Jisung though. Those two seem to still semi get along. Everything was fine in the beginning, but lately it feels like as the days go on Woojin is not happy. He is not clicking with the rest of the team and it is starting to show in everything they do.
Which is why, when JYP holds an emergency meeting and tells them that Woojin no longer will be a part of Stray Kids, he feels relief. Minho is a nice guy. Minho wouldn’t ever hurt anyone not even a fly. This though, it was causing him stress. These new frustrated feelings at someone that was supposed to be their brother was tiring. No one really knew what happened. Minho thinks Chan might know a little more, but he is unsure. All he knows is that one day they were 9 and now they are 8. They had a comeback coming up, so now they had to work extra hard because they had to re-record Woojin’s parts. They also had to redo their photoshoot. It’s ok though, nothing comes easy in this world, but somehow Minho knew that this new 8 member group would be ok. He just knew that things were only going to go up from here.
——
2023
Minho
He needed space from Han Jisung.
He needed to not be as close.
How could he do this though?
Minho and Jisung were best friends. They have been for the past 5 years. According to Jisung they were also “soulmates” so why was it that anytime he would hint at the fact that he was in love with him, Jisung had no clue. He would just laugh it up or think Minho was messing around. This has been going on for five fucking years. Having space from him was torture. He tried a couple times, and then those cute little expressions Sungie did while looking up at him brought him right back. The cuddles, the late nights, the long talks. He was so in love with him it was maddening. He was just tired. He was tired because he knew that Jisung did not feel the same way. All the stuff they did, all the things they shared. He knew that his best friend was just being that. His best friend. This was torture. He needed an outlet. He needed a hobby. Dancing was his hobby, but whenever he left to go practice, Jisung was sure to follow. He did not know what to do. During a recent two kids room, he again almost confessed. He told Jisung he liked him but through the “I like normal” response when Jisung said “he was normal”. His manager had a talk with him after that but he honestly forgot the cameras were on and Jisung’s aura just does that to him. Jisung of course laughed it off, so there was nothing else he could do but laugh with him.
A few months later, Minho was practicing at a different dance studio. He rented a little room where no one knew he would be. Just so he could blow off some steam alone, mess around with some freestyle dancing and maybe practice some routines.
When he went to refill his water bottle, he ran into a familiar face. Kang Yeosang, from Ateez.
“Oh hi Lee Minho-hyung” he did a little shy bow toward Minho.
“Hi Yeosang.. how have you been!?” He asked nicely.
“Good, just busy. Like always how about you. Why are you at this practice studio, I have never seen you here?” He asked.
“Oh yeah, same good and busy. I just needed some space from the team to think of new material for choreography and just to mess around basically” he laughed.
”Oh my gosh. Same. I needed space from that loud environment. I actually come to just dance as well. I sometimes like to freestlye where I don't have to worry about the pressure of the choreography from any of our actual work” he sighed.
“Yeah, I get it. Well… uh why don’t you join me here in my room. I like to freestlye too. I am not loud and, it might be funner to have someone else? I mean if you want” he laughed. He knew Yeosang a little bit. They had met on the Kingdom show. They were both on the dance team portion when the groups merged. Yeosang always presented a little more shy, but man that boy could dance. He was so good at dancing, and Minho actually kinda wanted to pick his brain a bit.
“Um, yeah sure hyung if you don’t mind. I will… let me just go get my backpack from the room I rented” he said walking toward the room across the hall.
They spent the next couple of hours just dancing, talking and having a good time. When it was time to go, they exchanged numbers since they did not have them in their contacts yet.
This went off and on for about 2 months. They were both busy and flying back and forth from one place to another but anytime they needed time they went to the dance studio together. They liked to be around each other and it was a welcoming distraction from things Minho wanted to have a break from.
After one of their sessions, they went out to dinner. They didn’t necessarily feel like hiding because at this point they were just friends who enjoyed each other’s company. The spot they went to was a little hole in the wall, but not many people paid attention to them. They ate, they drank and talked about random stuff like always. Minho thought he could get used to this. It’s not that he wanted to stop hanging out with Jisung. It just killed him every time thinking about how he could not hold his feelings in much longer. He didn’t want to tell Jisung anymore because by this point, it felt useless to him. Kang Yeosang on the other hand. He was sweet. He made him laugh. He loved to dance, just as much as Minho, and flirted right back without laughing at Minho. It was a welcome change.
“Hey.. you want to go to dinner with me?” Minho randomly asked as Yeosang was sipping on his water.
“Um, wait aren’t we at dinner now?” He asked confused?
”Yes, but. I mean like a real date.” He smiled.
“Oh, uh wait, what? A date? Like me and you?” His cheeks got pink.
“Yes, of course. Who else?” Minho smiled at how cute he looked with those rosy cheeks.
“Um, yeah hyung. I would actually really like that” he smiled and looked down shyly at his food.
“Ok, great. I am excited. And I don’t want you to feel pressure at all because I called it a date. I just really like hanging out with you and I think I kinda am starting to like you” he said genuinely.
“Hyung if you don’t mind me asking, I just wonder… I guess bringing up the notion of a date, what about Han are you two not together?” Yeosang blushed again “because if you are I’m sorry I accepted the date I just kinda always wondered and was too shy to ask” he said.
“No me and Jisung are not together. Everything you see is fan service… nothing more, nothing less.” He lied (sorta because it was not fan service for him but apparently it was for Jisung) “So you have nothing to worry about”.
”I was just worried that I was butting in to someone’s relationship. I know I flirt with you here and there but I wasn’t sure if I was going to far. I am glad though and I am excited about our date too.” Yeosang smiled at Minho.
When they left the restaurant, Minho drove him home. He even walked him up to his dorm. At the door, Yeosang turned around quickly before opening the door and gave Minho a quick peck on the lips.
“I hope that was ok hyung. Have a good night” and with that he went inside.
——-
Jisung
“What’s wrong Hannie” Changbin asked Jisung as he saw him in the living room alone.
”oh nothing, just bored…like always” he sighed, scrolling through his phone. He had texted Minho earlier but had not heard anything back yet.
“Where’s your other half? I haven’t seen you guys hanging out much these days after our work days. As a matter of fact, he hasn’t even dropped in for his five minute visits in a while. Did something happen?” Changbin asked.
”Honestly, I don’t know. I mean. I noticed that he doesn’t hang out much with me anymore unless we’re at the company. I don’t remember doing anything. I thought we were cool, but lately it seems kind of off.” He sighed again.
“Uh oh. Is Minsung in trouble?” He chuckled.
“It’s not funny Binnie. I honestly do not know what I did. I thought we were best friends, but I guess I am only his best friend during the work day” he pouted.
“Hannie. Jisungie. Sung. People are allowed time away from their best friends. I dont spend every waking moment with my best friends. Not even with Chaery. It’s good to have some time off here and there. I am sure things are good. Maybe he just found a new hobby or something.” He added.
“Yeah. I know. I just got used to being around him all the time you know. I guess I am just being a baby. Speaking of Chaeryeong. Is she coming over tonight?” He asked his friend.
“No, they are in China for a few days, so I am all yours tonight baby” he said going over to wrestle with Jisung who put up a good fight.
“Ahhh, no stop!!!” He laughed, as Changbin tried to pin him down. Once he did they both got up and turned on the tv.
“Honestly though, I think things are good. You will see.” He added to try to make Jisung feel better.
“Yeah, maybe” he said, looking at his phone again with no response.
Jisung: Hey Linoring. My dorm tonight? I haven’t been able to sleep lately and could use some company?
(message unread)
———
The next morning, he walked into the practice room. Almost everyone was there except Minho and Seungmin. They were running a little bit late according to Felix.
They started stretching while they waited.
The two missing members finally made their way in and began stretching. Minho sat no where near Jisung. This made Jisung feel a little pang in his chest. He never even text him back and he didn’t even acknowledge him right now. Sure he said good morning, generally to everyone, but he didn’t come say “Good morning Sungie”. What the heck had Jisung done? He needed to know. It was driving him insane.
They started practice and didn’t really have much time to talk. They kinda joked around a bit, but nothing too crazy. When Minho finally got up to use the restroom Jisung followed.
After they were done using the restroom and they were washing their hands, Jisung spoke up.
“Um hyung” he asked.
“What’s up” Minho asked.
“Did.. did I do something wrong” He asked him, shyly looking at him. He was busy looking at his hands to look up at Jisung.
“Nope, wait with the choreography?” Minho asked.
The choreography????? What the fuck? Jisung thought.
“Um, no. Not that. I mean, I feel like something is different with us lately and…” Jisung started.
“Oh, you mean the text from last night? I’m sorry I um was a little busy and forgot to respond. Did you end up going to sleep?” He asked.
“Um. Uh. No, I mean yeah I slept like an hour. That is not what I am talking about though…” he said suddenly feeling weird.
“Oh, well next time drink some chamomile tea. That helps.” He said.
“Hyung. That’s not what I am worried about.” He said, now getting a little frustrated.
“Oh then what are you saying Jisung? I can’t read your mind” he chuckled as he started walking toward the door, but Jisung got in front of him blocking the door and Minho from leaving.
“Why are you leaving I am trying to ask you something” he searched his eyes. Minho rolled his.
“Jisung. What are talking about. I’m sorry I didn’t go over. I mean I do have a life outside of Stray Kids you know” he said.
“Wh..what? I mean. Yeah I know that but, hyung you’ve never let that stop you from hanging out with me. I usually go with you and your friends sometimes so… where is this coming from?” He asked searching his eyes again.
“Yeah, well Jisungie. Maybe it’s time you find some other friends instead of mine. Sometimes they are busy too.” He said looking up at the ceiling.
“Hyung why are you being like that? You… you dont want me to hang with you anymore or your friends? Why are you being mean?” He said tears threatening to spill.
Minho looked away again. Then he sighed.
“No Jisung, my friends love you. I just mean everyone has a life, you know. Sometimes we need to do things for ourselves. Maybe it’s time you start doing the same. I am not trying to be mean. Not at all. Honestly. Don’t you get tired of being around me all day, and then wanting to hang out later? I have other things to do you know.” He said.
“You’re…tired of me?” Jisung couldn’t hold in his trembling lip.
“No, that’s not what I said. I just. You know what, never mind. I need to get back to practice and so do you. It’s no big deal Hannie. We can hang out soon. I have just been busy”. He said.
”Busy doing what though”. He asked.
” I been going to a studio to do some free styling and …” he started and knew he probably should not have mentioned that part.
“Ohh why haven’t you asked me to go? I love practicing and free styling with you…” he said blinking a few times.
“Because Hannie. I like to do it alone” he sighed, also lying because he has been doing all that with Yeosang, which made him feel like shit because he never lies to Jisung. It was killing him to do so. This is why he has been avoiding him so he can avoid the lying.
“Oh, ok. Well. We should get back to practice then” he said in a small voice and finally moving so they could both leave.
———
Jisung couldn’t sleep that night again. He hated the way things were with Minho right now. He couldn’t stop his mind from going 100 miles per hour just wondering what was happening. The last few months felt like Minho had been pulling away for some reason. He kept replaying everything in his mind. Every conversation, every detail. Even so far as to go to social media to look at recent event videos to see if there was a clue or something that he thought might help him figure out what he had done. Nothing. There was nothing. No answers. His anxiety was creeping up inside and he needed to take some deep breaths. He hated this feeling of not knowing. Minho knew that, no…Minho knows that and yet… he was keeping him in the dark for some reason. When he felt this way, he talked to his best friend about it. Who could he talk to now. His best friend didn’t even feel like he wanted to be his anything right now.
Jisung: Can we talk
Jisung: Please Hyung. I can’t sleep. I need you.
By this time it was about midnight. He was staring off into nothing when he heard a small knock.
”Come in” he said, half expecting Chan.
“Hey Sungie” Minho said walking toward his bed. It was dark but he knew who that voice was.
“Minho?” He sat up, heart pounding. He scoot over like he usually did when Minho would come over to chill in his bed. Minho just sat at the end of the bed facing Han. Han turned on the lamp by his bed.
“Hi. Chan let me in. I was… in the neighborhood and instead of messaging. I just decided to stop by” He said smiling. “What’s up why can’t you sleep?” He asked kindly.
“I don’t know. I cannot stop thinking about today and well every day and our distance lately. And I guess I just want to know if I did something wrong hyung to make you mad or something” he said looking at Minho with those sad eyes again.
“Hannie. I already told you. You have not done anything wrong. I just have been busy. I am not mad at you. Why would I be mad huh?” He asked.
“I don’t know. That’s what I have been wondering. Can…. Can I hug you? It’s been so long since we hugged.” He said scooting closer to Minho.
“Yeah, come here” he said and gave him a hug. Minho was trying to let go after a few seconds but the youngest wouldn't move away.
Jisung hugged him tighter and brought his face closer to his neck. He whispered “Can you stay with me tonight please hyung?”
“No, Hannie I can’t” he said again trying to gently push Jisung away.
“Why not? You always hold me when I am anxious, when I can’t sleep.. when I just need cuddles” he said finally moving back to look at Minho, still holding on to his arms. Minho looked away and sighed before he looked back at Jisung.
“Hannie. Listen to me. I need you to stop depending on me for your anxiety or your sleepless nights ok. I need you to start practicing all of those things on your own. I will not always be here for you so you cannot depend on me like that” he said softly but also trying to hold in his shaky voice because this was not what he wanted to talk to Jisung about, but he knew he needed him to let him go. For his own good and for Minho’s.
Jisung stayed quiet. He looked up at Minho and released his arms. The pain in his chest was something he hated to feel but this, this pain felt almost like a hole. Was Minho really trying to stay away from him. Well if he was, he would make it easy for him. That and he felt like he was going to burst any minute.
“Get out hyung” he said as he tried to hold in the tears. He didn’t want Minho to see him break down and he needed him to leave.
“Hannie, don’t take it the wrong way. I just think that I am not always going to be around. What if I have a schedule somewhere else huh?” He started saying, hating the way Jisung’s eyes were turning red, tears threatening to fall.
“Get out please, hyung. Get out.” He said again this time grabbing his blanket turning off the lamp and tucking himself in his bed, covering his face for fear that he might fall apart in front of the love of his life. The love of his life who wanted nothing to do with him.
“Hannie. Hannie. Jisung-ah” he shook his body gently in the dark. Jisung’s tears were falling. Thankfully Minho couldn’t see them.
“Okay, I will see you tomorrow” he said to him. Jisung didn’t answer. Minho walked out the door. Jisung couldn’t believe he left. He couldn’t believe he actually left.
As Minho shut the door he noticed Chan was still in the living room. He went over to him and quietly whispered.
“Hannie is gonna need some support and I cannot give him the support he needs right now” He said.
“Oh what happened, is everything alright? Minho what happened?” He asked him. Tears started to fall from Minho’s eyes.
“Oh shit, Minho… what the” he started saying looking worried.
“I know you know Channie. I know you know how I have felt about Jisung since the first week I met him” Minho said.
“Wait what, Minho what’s going on?” Chan now said whispering again.
“I have been there for him, anytime he has needed me, I am there. I love him Chan. I am in love with him and I cannot handle it anymore. He doesn’t feel the same way and I am done trying. There were so many times where I have hinted, where I have accidentally made a fool of myself on national television, in front of you guys in front of the fans. All because I love that dude, and I am done trying. I cannot help him anymore because anytime I help him, or cuddle or hang out with him, I fall back into his orbit. I cannot handle it anymore because my heart feels like it is going to burst. He only sees this shit as fan service in public and when we’re alone he doesn't know how in love I am with him, but that’s also my fault for being too scared to tell him.” He said tears still falling.
“Wow Minho” he hugged him. “I don’t know what to say. I mean is there anything I can say? This is big, but how do I help you, and yes I have known but I have been waiting for you to tell me” He responded.
“I dont know. I honestly do not know right now. He is probably crying his eyes out in his room and it is taking everything I have in me to not run in there and comfort him. He wanted me to stay, but I cant Channie. I am seeing someone, and I already think it’s unfair to them that I am still in love with Jisung” he said.
“What? Does he know?” He asked breaking out of their hug.
”Not yet. But I didn’t want to tell him because I am not ready, but I know this means we can’t be like we used to be. Maybe I’m holding off for that reason. I thought about leaving the group you know. I know it’s selfish but that’s how hard I love him. That is why seeing someone else is helping me because it gives me hope that I can someday survive being in the same room with him without being in love with him.” He sniffled.
“Don’t think that way Minho. Don’t ever think of leaving us ok. We will get through this” he hugged him again before Minho got up to leave.
“Thank you Channie. Please take care of him. Please do not tell him about me. I will leave so you can go and check on him” he said.
“I won’t tell him I promise, but I do promise to take care of him.
—-
Chan knocked on Jisung’s door. He opened the door slightly and could hear the sniffles. There was no answer.
“It’s me Chan” he said. At this he heard him say “I’m ok hyung”
”No you’re not Hannie” he said as he climbed into bed with him and hugged him from behind. Jisung had been facing the wall. At the feel of the hug Jisung burst out crying.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Chan asked.
”No” Jisung whispered.
Chan just held him until Jisung fell asleep.