Chapter Text
Today had sucked. A lot. Not only was Mizuki forced to go to school as teachers dangled the threat of expulsion over her head, but she still had to take supplementary classes as well. But that wasn't the worst part, it was having to endure all the talk in between. At first the other students had mostly whispered about her finally being back after so long, and she could deal with that, being the enigma no one saw at school for more than 2 consecutive days. But then it turned back to the very reason she didn't usually attend, mean-spirited words targeted at the very core of her being. She knew the attention would pass eventually but did people have to be so nosey about everything. Toya had stayed with her during lunch at least, keeping most gawkers away, and An had checked briefly on her as well before getting deep into conversation with her groupmate, which Mizuki was too exhausted to follow. After school her supplementary classes bored her with math formulas she already knew by heart anyways, so she was lucky enough to be let out early. She practically speedwalked home, retreating back to the safety of the pastel pink walls of her room. On the way, Ena sent a message asking if the classes went well, which she half-heartedly confirms. Seeing as it was still a few hours to their group meeting, she decided to take a well deserved nap to regain some of her energy back.
When her alarm woke her up again, the moon had long since replaced the light of the sun, shadows contrasting against the cold light on her walls. Now it was finally time for their circle's regular work meeting, usually a highlight of her day. And yet as the clock hit 1 AM the pink-haired girl stared at the screen of her computer, tightly gripping the mouse as if it could slip away at any moment. The day had been too much, she realised, and it felt impossible to bring up the energy for her usual cheerful act. She could send a message saying she was tired and crawl back into bed, but just imagining the flurry of worried messages that would result in, particularly from the artist, made her regret even thinking about it.
Mizuki took a deep breath before a few clicks connected her to their shared voice chat, whatever conversation was happening interrupted by the sound of her joining.
“Hey guys, time to get to work~”
“Hello Amia, we were just going over the new demo we’ve made. I’ll send it over” K responded in her usual almost whisper.
“Thanks! Hey,... is Enanan not here today?”
The girl had been so focused on her own struggles that she hadn't noticed only 2 circles on the voice chat, indicating two of their members not being present.
“No…” Yuki’s monotonous voice rang out.
“She hasn't come online yet. Do you think something happened to her?”
“Oh… I’m sure she just got too focused on her art again~. Ok I’ll listen to the song now”
Just then, a ping indicated that Enanan had joined the call with a loud groan.
“This Akito… can't he see that I’m busy?”
“Awwww did you and Lil’bro fight?”
“Shut the hell up Mizuki! Be glad you're not the one having to help him pack”
“Packing?” Amia responded, a hint of panic in her voice she couldn't quite shake.
“Well for now it's just getting his stuff in order but of course, he's–“ Enanan stopped herself as she realised the issue at hand. ”Right, you couldn't know. Akito and his group are gonna fly to America soon. Apparently it's their big next step…”
“Ah… An didn't tell me she was going to travel…”
“You weren't at school a lot so she didn't really have a chance to” Yuki replied flatly. There was no accusation in her tone, but it still stung.
“Hey, give her a break!”
“Aw, is Ena becoming protective of lil’ old me? I didn't know you could be so sweet~”
“That's not what this is! You're just getting settled again, and not everyone always knows about what's going on with others”
“It's fine Ena,... Mafuyu is right after all” Amia let out with a defeated sigh, she knew Enanan didn't like to see her put herself down like that, the quiet whisper of her name from the artist’s side showing clearly how worried she was, just more pain Amia was inflicting on her, she had already worried enough about them for multiple lifetimes in their opinion.
Sensing the sudden downturn in the mood K quickly butted in. “Hey,... what did you think of the new demo so far?”
“Sorry, I haven't listened to it yet, just a minute~”
“Eh? When did you make a new one? I’m gonna check it out too”
“Of course” the composer said, the soft smile on her face almost audible in her voice.
Amia hummed quietly along to the song, taking a note of some parts she’d have to remember to put a transition into her video. She had missed the comfort listening to Kanade's raw demo files brought to her.
“It's amazing K!”
“I really like the changes you've made from the previous demo”
“I'm glad” K breathed into the microphone of her headset.
“Ena, how is your artwork coming along?”
Enanan could swear the purple-haired girl was putting her on the spot intentionally.
“Well since my stupid brother took up most of my evening I’m a bit behind on it.” A soft sigh escaped her. “I should be able to have the sketch done today.”
“Ok”
“Take all the time you need. Amia, how is your progress on the videos”
Right, videos. When Amia returned she had insisted that she would make a video for the previously finished song as well. She felt guilty enough that they had to release one only featuring a static image of Ena's art while she was gone, she had to fix it somehow. Several comments on the song had asked why there was no MV, so K had posted a pinned message on it, its contents burnt into Amia’s mind. “Unfortunately our editor is currently unavailable. We hope you enjoy this song regardless.”
“Sorry, I’m not done yet, having to be at school until six is such a pain. But I promise I’ll finish it in time. I wouldn't want to drag you down any further” The editor added the last sentence almost inaudibly. However that was not enough to get past the furious brunette.
“Mizuki!” A deflated breath followed, before she continued, softer this time. “You know you're not- You could never drag us down, quite the opposite it's not been the same without you”
K joined in “Yes we’ve all missed you quite a lot, Yuki even skipped classes to find you”
A pang of guilt settled in Amia’s chest, she really had caused so much trouble for her friends. Some of which she soon wouldn't see for a while as she had learned. She'd have to make up for the lost month. Before she could sink deeper into these thoughts Yuki’s voice cut through the silence of the call.
“It's been quieter without you and Ena constantly bickering in the call, but… I’ve grown used to it and without you, working together… felt colder”
“Ah geez, thanks”
“Hehe, I missed you too guys…” Amia hoped this would be enough to defuse the entire situation, but she was sure if they had been using their cameras Enanan would still be gazing at her, eyes full of worry.
“Actually…”, a whisper drew the attention back to K, “I know we won't release the song until next week but how about we meet up again? It's been a while since the last time” The fact that they hadn't been celebrating their song releases due to Amia’s absence went unspoken.
“Ah, I don't know K, I still have a lot of homework to do and then there's the videos. We're already delaying the song by a week.”
“It's alright Amia, we can delay it further if you need more time”
“And besides, we have to celebrate that you're back now, with us” Enanan chimed in.
Maybe I can make it up to them if I let them celebrate. Amia was smart enough to not voice this thought out loud to prevent another outburst from the furious artist.
“Alright alright! If you insist haha. I didn't realise Enanan wants to see me so badly again~”
“Hey, you…, this isn't about me, it's about you no longer hiding from us” the aforementioned girl replied with a huff.
“Ah…”
Before Amia could dwell on the implications of that, K rejoined the conversation.
“Yuki, how about you?”
“I think… I wouldn't mind meeting all of you again”
“That's great! Then Saturday it is!” Amia quickly threw in, deciding the discussion about her missing the past few weeks needed to end yesterday.
“Good. I’m looking forward to seeing you two again. If no one else has anything to add, we can split up so you can focus on your part”
“All good with me K!”
“Alright, I’ll send the illustration over once it's done”
With that Amia and Enanan moved to the voice chat “MV-voice” below their main voice channel. The animator had tried in the past to give it a more energetic name like “Super-Dynamic-Music-Video-Duo-Room-☆”, but Enanan had vehemently refused that suggestion and Yuki pointed out that the name was too long for a Nightcord channel name. Despite all this the channel had been rarely used as their other group members rarely spoke up to begin with and evidently weren't bothered by the duo’s talk and occasional bickering. Now that the two halves of the group were working on different videos however it made it easy to not mix things together (and maybe Enanan wanted Amia to be able to take space if needed, sue her for caring!)
“Alright Mizuki, I'll try to focus on this piece but I’ll be here if you need anything for your video”
“Sure thing~”
A comfortable silence settled between the two, only occasionally interrupted by Enanan’s quiet grumbles indicating her art piece was giving her more trouble than she had let on. Usually Amia would disrupt this with their usual teasing remarks, trying to get a rise out of the brunette and distract her from her struggles but after the previous conversation she opted to stay silent, trying to relax instead. She knew she had nothing to fear, no sudden surprise from the others telling her to leave them alone, and yet she found herself struggling with their kindness. Sure they had always been kind, stubbornly so in the case of the artist in the voice call, but Amia couldn't help but search for hidden meanings in their actions. After all they had been taking so much care to not hurt her further now.
In the end I’m nothing but a burden, aren't I?
“Mizuki…?”
Enanan’s voice tore through her thoughts and the animator forced herself to swallow down in an attempt to even out her quickened breath.
“Y-Yeah?”
“Are you okay? You’ve been silent for a while”
“Ah…” It should be so easy to tell her, the artist had been right there for her when she was at her lowest, as years of pain unraveled in wails that tore her throat apart. There should be nothing to hide anymore, she had seen it all.
“Of course~. There's nothing to worry about. I guess I’m just a bit under the weather”
Amia tried her best to not let her work partner know what was running through her mind, but the shakiness of her voice betrayed her.
“Okay…”, Enanan stretched the word, making it clear she did not believe her, “but you know I’m here for you if you need to talk right?”
“I know, thanks Ena. But I promise I'm fine”
A sigh was all she got in response.
“Anyways, can you take a look at this? I’m trying to capture the feel of K’s song but it's just not coming together. So I thought maybe another pair of eyes would help”
A ping from their chat led her to a sketch of a girl cowering in darkness, a weak light off to the side of the canvas illuminating the room, drawing the faint outlines of furniture against the walls. Even this early in the process, Enanan’s talent clearly showed in her art, even if she’d never accept being called “talented” by them, not until the artist met her own standards.
“Whoa, that’s amazing as usual Enanan~!” She paused, clearly having found something to take issue with “But… don’t you think it’s a bit odd?”
“Eh? What do you mean it’s odd?!”
“Well… don’t you think the girl should be reaching out for the light? As if she’s reaching out for the hope it represents”
“Hmm? I guess you’re right”
“Wait, what were you thinking when you decided to have her cower like that? Maybe I’m missing something”
“It’s… it’s nothing”
“Ena? Are you sure about that? You're usually not giving up your vision for a piece this easily.”
“I… I wanted to show the hopelessness the girl is feeling…”
“Oh…” I’ve really been horrible to her…
“Yeah I thought… how it feels being stuck like that. But you’re right, we’ve always been about the light at the end of the tunnel right?”
“Hehe, yeah…”
Silence settled between the two again, but it was a lot less comfortable than their usual work sessions. The only thing Amia could think about Enanan’s feelings in the artwork, the pain she must have gone through. Feeling herself spiraling she did the only thing she could think of.
“Ah, I just remembered I have another test tomorrow morning, so I better get going~. Good night Ena”
Before Enanan could react, Amia left the voice chat and not long after her status changed to the grey offline icon.
“Mizuki…. Urgh I should have known this was a mistake” She had put all her worry from the past weeks into it, of course it had driven her away again. The first session back had been going so well too, but it couldn't last, she really should have known, nothing ever goes right for a Shinonome. Trying her best to salvage the situation she opened her DMs with Amia.
> Enanan: 1:42am
Hey are you alright? You sounded a bit stressed
Amia’s typing indicator kept appearing and disappearing. Enanan was about to apologise for how stupid the question was, but before she could, a message finally came into their chat.
> Dumb Idiot: 1:44am
Yeah of course~
A simple test won't get me down ♪
> Enanan: 1:45
Alright good luck then
Sleep well
Closing the chat she groaned to herself. Of course Amia wouldn't give her an honest answer, what was she thinking. Seeing as there was nothing left for her in this call she moved back to the main voice chat. Not a second after the program announced her joining the call, K asked her in a hurry about what happened.
“Hey Enanan, we saw Amia leave, is everything alright?”
“I… yeah she just… she said she has a test tomorrow and should sleep early”
If the two noticed the tinge of frustration in her voice they didn't show it. “I see. I hope it goes well for her” Kanade replied.
The three returned to work, without the cheerful animator in the background, a setup they had become painfully familiar with.
Trying to get back to her artwork, Enanan figured Amia had been right, something about the composition with the light still felt off, but every attempt at resketching the girl on the canvas felt wrong so she kept drawing and erasing and drawing and erasing until not even the lines on the rest of the artwork made any sense to her and blurred together. An hour had passed and all she did was make it worse.
“You’re frustrated”, Yuki remarked in her flat voice.
“If you want you can take a break for today, Yuki and I can finish the demo alone” K offered kindly.
“No it’s fine, I can finish this, I just need to find what's wrong with this”
And yet despite her reassurances, even starting from a clear canvas didn't bring her the desired result. Something she couldn't quite put her finger on was off and it was starting to really bother her. It wasn't the girl reaching for the light Amia had pointed out, that was a fairly quick fix all things considered, even if it did require changing the composition slightly. But it didn't feel right, like the pieces in her mind weren't fitting together anymore. It wasn't until another hour had passed that she finally surrendered.
“It's getting late so I'm going to log off for tonight”
“Okay, sleep well Enanan”
“Good night…”
Crawling into her bed, Ena decided to scroll her social media feed, hoping she would find something to distract herself from the knot of emotions in her stomach. But apart from a few cute cats she definitely wasn't jealous over, nothing caught her eyes, and checking her art account wouldn't help her mood either (she looked at it anyways, only three new likes, and she was almost certain Mizuki was two of them). So all she was left with was the hurriedly sent messages to Mizuki she had sent earlier, useless in preventing them from drifting apart yet again. But she told herself that it was okay, she would just chase after her again and tell her over and over that they all still cared for her in the same way and that they wouldn't see her any different. No matter how often it would take to get it into her cute little head. Though thinking back to what she said in that alleyway, the embarrassment caught up with her. Ena was never a person for grand gestures or anything like that, and yet she ran through the city just to pour her heart out to this stupid girl and asking to “stay together”. She didn't even think about it back then, but it sounded so cheesy now, a deep wish hastily thrown between the two. A part of her wondered if Mizuki would be here if she had been more direct then, but she told herself she was being selfish thinking her love and care would fix everything on its own, especially when all Mizuki had wanted was for things to stay the same. However if Ena had to admit it, there was one thing that had changed: She had realized just how badly she misses Mizuki when she's not around. So all she could do was ensure it wouldn't happen again. Determined, she opened the chat with Mizuki again.