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“You want some?”
Will climbed onto the platform Mike was waiting for him on. He reluctantly took the water bottle he was holding out and took a drink. Mike kept glancing at Will, but not like he used to. Before what Will said at the Squawk, it felt like him and Mike were glued together, but ever since then, he’s been over analyzing every action he takes. Mike wouldn’t even touch him anymore. It felt like a humiliation ritual to be anywhere near him. He wondered what had happened to going ‘crazy together’.
Will handed Mike the bottle back, and they stood side by side, staring down at the floor, or at least what they could see of it. From so high up it looked like a black hole. Will wished it would suck him in.
“Hey, um…” At the sound of Mike’s voice, a pit formed in Will’s stomach. He didn’t want to hear what he had to say, it would only tear him down more.
“What you said earlier– at the Squawk… I’m sorry.” Mike looked at Will with sympathy and maybe a hint of guilt in his eyes. “I mean, not sorry about what you said. That came out wrong. Or not came out wrong! Jesus Christ.” Mike looked down again in embarrassment. Will felt worse. Not that it was Mike’s fault, but it was the last thing he wanted to talk about–especially to him. It would make moving on harder than it had to be. He still laughed, though. Something about the conversation reminded him of how it used to be. He couldn’t tell if that made it worse or better.
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s… it’s not.” The mood shifted from the bittersweet feeling it started with to something worse. “I should’ve been there for you, and I wasn’t. And I guess I was just so self-absorbed that I couldn’t see it. I just… I feel like an idiot, and I… I’m sorry.”
Yeah, tell me about it…
Will wanted to say that he was right, that he was a clueless and ignorant idiot, but he didn’t have it in him to. He replied, “You don’t have to be sorry. And you’re not an idiot, you’re not.” Will didn’t know if he was trying to convince Mike or himself. “It’s just… I didn’t even understand it myself for the longest time. I think it happened the way it needed to happen. I needed to find my own way.” That felt wrong to say. Will knew he didn’t come out on his own terms. He did it because of fear. He was scared that Vecna was going to tell everyone before he even got the chance to accept himself. Yet he kept talking, “But what matters is that you’re still here, and you still think we can be friends.” Speaking felt like passing a kidney stone, Will had to force out every word.
“Friends? No, thanks."
The hell?
“Best friends.”
Something snapped in Will. They way Mike said that was simply cruel. It was putting a carrot on a stick and leading a pig into a hole of isolation and false hope. Every interaction between the two flooded into Will’s psyche. The painting, the rain fight, Halloween, when he moved away, when they met, the day he went missing, Mike noticing when things were wrong when no one else did, him talking softer to him and being more patient with him than anyone ever even thought to. None of it meant anything. Anything. And then he had the audacity to play with his heart
Without thinking, Will grabbed Mike by his vest and threw him against the bar they were leaning on.
“Will, what the hell are you doing!?”
“I’m tired of you treating me like I can’t feel. Can’t you understand that your actions mean anything? Our friendship never meant anything to you, you’ve never cared about anyone besides yourself. You can’t even treat your own girlfriend right.”
“What are you talking about? None of that is true!”
“You were right. You are an idiot, and you are self absorbed. You don’t care–simple as that.”
“Will, stop! I do care! Think straight for a minute!”
“Yeah you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
Will turned around swiftly, Mike still writhing in his hands, and let go. Let go of everything that had been dragging him down, invalidating him, and giving him false hope for years. He let go of guilt, shame, every negative emotion that he ever felt, and he was alone. He couldn’t hear Mike anymore, he couldn’t feel him or see him. The black hole got him.