Chapter Text
It was cold, so cold.
Babies don’t have excellent memories, but I remember the snow brushing against and past my face because of the wind. I gazed at my mother and father, questioning our destination.
I greatly desired warmth in my parents’ hands, but I never received that warmth. I could only grasp at my mother’s coat as I looked ahead. This isn’t the path to our house. I didn’t know where we were, but there were no people out.
It made sense. Who would be out here during a snowstorm? As an infant, you don’t pose these questions since you are not concerned with other people.
"We're almost there, [Name]." I heard my mother gently say to me.
I clapped my hands and made babbling sounds.
"Look how happy she is!"
I guess that meant I was smiling, but who wouldn't? Even though it was freezing outside, at least I was still with my parents.
We kept walking and walking until we finally arrived at the place my parents wanted to take me. I didn't know where we were at, but I could vaguely make out a garbage dump. The wind was still blowing; the snow wouldn't stop coming down.
"Here we are, baby."
My mom let me down gently in the snow. My crib had a blanket stuffed inside, so my back and arms were a little bit warm. However, it still didn't stop the cold from making its way onto my body. It also didn't help that my clothes were thin.
I tried to reach out to my mom, hoping to feel her warmth again, but it just didn't happen. Everything felt off compared to when we were walking together. Instead of her usual smile, I saw a frown, and her eyes, which used to bring me comfort, now seemed filled with disappointment. I now realized after replaying this memory on repeat… my mom was looking at me with disdain.
"Are you sure about this?" My father asked his wife. His eyes were darting all over the place as if he were afraid someone would catch them. Which they were.
"This is the best option. I doubt anyone would adopt this eyesore." Mom said to him.
"Let's just hurry and go! The sooner we leave, the better."
"I'm coming." Mom looked at me one more time with that same nasty look in her eyes. "I don't know what went wrong for you to look like such a cockroach. If only you looked normal."
She chased after our father, and I was left sobbing for her in the cruel snowstorm. My small arms stretched out once more, pleading for them to come back. But they never came back, and soon I was all alone in the darkness, their silhouettes fading away.
I cried and cried until there were no more tears left, and I fell asleep. Sena found me overnight after the storm cleared and cradled me in her arms. It may have just been one night, but I was glad to feel that warmth again even if it did come from another person.
"Oh, you poor thing. How could anyone leave a baby behind, especially in the cold?"
I looked up at her in silence, feeling like a lifeless doll. All my tears had dried up. I lacked the strength to feel happy that someone had noticed me.
"I'll give you a new home. A home where you'll feel loved."
"[Name]…"
That's how I found myself living a new life at the Hae-na Home, an orphanage for children. I lived there for a long time along with Sena and my siblings.
"[Name]…"
Honestly, I wouldn't be lying if I said I want to move out and live on my own, even though I'm just seventeen.
"[NAME], WAKE UP!!"
"Oof!"
I felt my blankets being torn off my body as I lay in bed, clutching my teddy bear. When I looked up, I saw Sena looming over me with her arms crossed, staring patiently at me.
"You're finally awake. Do you know how long I've been calling you?"
“Sorry,” I mumbled into my pillow as I apologized to her.
"You always say that." She rolled her eyes, smiling. "Now get up, lazybones! It's time for school."
"I still don't understand why I have to go back to J High for my second semester. I was doing fine taking their online classes." I sit up from my bed, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.
"You're always cooped up in your room. Some sunlight will do you a lot of good. The world isn't that scary. And plus, you need to start making some friends." Sena pulled back the curtains, allowing bright light to fill the room.
I narrowed my eyes and tilted my head to shield myself from the sun. "That school is the least friendly, and besides… I have Crystal as a friend."
"I was referring to several friends, dear. Crystal has been busy helping her dad with his company, hasn't she? Don't you miss that Jay boy you used to talk about a lot and Vasco?"
I do miss them. Jay was the only person I could tolerate at J High before leaving, and Vasco always defended me from bullies. I still need to pay him back for his kindness. But…
"I really don't want to go back there…" I awkwardly twiddled my thumbs, frowning.
I don't have any good memories of my first semester. Every day is filled with rumors about my looks and creepy boys who never left me alone. That's why I switched to online learning. Besides, there's a certain comfort in staying in bed all day.
Sena noticed how anxious I was and came to sit beside me on my bed. She gently placed her hand over mine and began to rub small circles around it, her eyes filled with understanding.
"I’m sorry if it feels like I’m pushing you to go back to school when you’re not ready. I just… don’t want you to spend all your time in your room, away from the world."
I stayed quiet as she spoke, my gaze fixed on the wooden floorboards with a wistful smile.
"I know you’re feeling scared. Scared of being judged for who you are. I understand that the trauma you’ve experienced is still there."
I looked up at her.
"But I promise you… there are kind-hearted people out there who will embrace you just as you are. You just haven’t met them yet. And remember, if things become too overwhelming at school and you can't handle it… I’ll be here with open arms, ready to help you continue your studies online. Deal?"
Just hearing her words and how sincere Sena spoke made me almost burst into tears. But I blinked them back and reciprocated her handshake.
"Deal. I'll try… just for you."
"Thank you, sweetheart." She rises from my bed and walks toward the door. With one final smile, she says, "I’ll be waiting for you downstairs," before leaving my room.
I sit there alone contemplating to myself before deciding to get up. "It's better to just get it over with instead of delaying the inevitable."
I made my bed and tucked my teddy bear under the blankets. It can get pretty chilly in here sometimes with the A/C running on hot days.
I left my room and walked to the bathroom, entering quietly. My bathroom had all the essentials arranged neatly on the sink: a toothbrush, toothpaste, face cream, and lotion. On the rail hung my bra, underwear, towel, face towel, and school uniform.
I thought to myself, 'Sena must have prepared my uniform while I was still asleep,' as I turned on the shower. Once the water warmed up, I removed my pajamas and stepped in. I felt the droplets of water cascading down my face and body. As I washed, the sound of the shower enveloped me, drowning out any outside noise.
I have been living at Hae-na Home ever since Sena took me in. It is an orphanage located in the Gangnam District of Seoul, South Korea. Contrary to what is depicted in fiction, my life here is good. Hae-na Home is spacious, allowing my siblings and me to have our own separate rooms. However, I do have the main bathroom to myself, while everyone else shares.
I also have the top floor to myself. Sena mentioned that, as the oldest, I require more privacy than my siblings.
'It's nice… when they don't knock on my door asking me to play with them.'
My siblings are truly adorable. They are orphans, just like me. I was told that if Sena and the other staff had not found them alone on the streets, they would've become victims of the Runaway Fams, a group of runaway or abandoned children forced to work for a gang called Hostel. Most of that work involves crimes such as theft and prostitution. I don't want to even think about the horrors my siblings would have been subjected to had they not been rescued.
There are many gangs here in South Korea, but they're more hidden than those in other countries that like to flaunt their lifestyle. To the average person here, gangs may seem almost non-existent.
There's a gang at J High School too. They're the architecture department known as Burn Knuckles. However, unlike the gangs that engage in illegal activity, Burn Knuckles exists to protect the innocent. I would know because their leader, Vasco, has protected me before.
I let out a sigh as I turned off the showerhead. 'I don't plan on involving myself in drama. I just want this semester to be normal.'
After stepping out, I wrapped a towel around myself and dried off. I put on my undergarments and uniform. I adjusted my tie and began to brush my hair. Once my hair felt soft, I took a section from the inner back and started braiding it. After finishing, I set my brush aside and picked up my toothbrush.
Brushing my teeth and rinsing my mouth with Listerine was quick. I applied the face cream evenly across my face, ensuring I covered every area. While it may not remove the marks I’ve had since birth, it’s nice to have any acne. I can’t stand looking in the mirror. It’s a constant reminder of the flaws etched into my face.
The reason my parents turned their backs on me. I was born with heterochromia, that rare genetic quirk that left my eyes mismatched. And those marks on my face? They’ve haunted me since I was a baby. I can still hear the venomous words my mother hurled at me before she walked away with my father.
"I doubt anyone would adopt this eyesore."
"If only you looked normal."
I found myself gripping the sink, lamenting once again, "Why can't I be like the other girls at school…?"