Archive of Our Own

"Don't be ridiculous, Betsy. She'll say no."

"No she won't."

"Of course she will. Too much has happened."

Betsy sighed, shaking her head. As far as she was concerned, her mum and Carla were meant for each other. They still loved each other, that much was clear, so why not get their engagement back on track.

She wasn't naive. She knew that they'd been through a lot. Her mum had blindly trusted Becky to be a good person, only to find out she was a monster. Carla had been left to die in a shipping container. Betsy felt so guilty. She'd trusted Becky, just like her mum had. She'd believed that Carla was cruelly posting photos from her holiday. And, all the while, she had been tied up in a cupboard and then left to rot in a shipping container. She'd spent Christmas alone and scared. Betsy's heart ached for her. For the trauma she'd suffered at the hands of the Swain family. It made Betsy feel ill to think about her own role in that. Constantly asking if Becky could stay at number 6, planning to go to Spain and leave her mum and Carla behind.

"Listen Bets, I know you'd love nothing more than for us to be back together. God knows, I wish that things could go back to how they were before. But so much has happened, love. There's a big Becky-shaped hole in our relationship. She blew it apart."

"I know, but...you can't let her win. You have to fight."

"I don't know that I've got enough fight in me."

Betsy sat heavily on the sofa. This couldn't be the end. Before Becky had come back, they'd been so happy. Her, her mum, Carla and Ryan. Their little family unit. Becky had ruined it, but they couldn't let that be the end.

"Please. Please don't say this is the end." Betsy felt her eyes filling with tears.

"I don't know if it's the end. Maybe...maybe in the future, once we've had a chance to heal separately, we might be able to find a way to mend our relationship. But love, I can't propose to her. That'd be madness. She'll think I'm trivialising everything that's happened."

"But if you had some hope...maybe it would give you something to fight for. Together."

"I just feel so guilty. I should have tried harder to -"

"This isn't on you. None of it is. It's on Becky."

Betsy pulled her feet up onto the sofa and hugged her knees. Since everything had come out about Becky, she'd refused to refer to her as her mum. As far as she was concerned, she had a mum and a stepmum. Whatever happened between the two of them, even if their relationship didn't survive, Betsy would always think of Carla as her stepmum.

"Please, at least say you'll think about it. Proposing might make her see that you want to fight. That you think she's worth it."

"That I'm brushing all the trauma under the carpet."

"No. I'm telling you, she'll say yes."

"Betsy, I don't think I could take it if she said no. And she will. What am I gonna do, buy a bottle of fizz and a big bunch of flowers and do some kind of grand gesture?"

Betsy shook her head. "No. Keep it simple. A cup of tea and some honesty."

"I've tried to talk to her. She's not ready for that yet."

"Then show her...show her you'll be here when she is ready."

"I don't know, Bets."

Betsy got up to put the kettle on. She let her words sink in for a while. She knew she was right. If there was just a little bit of hope - if they could just both agree that they still wanted to get married - it would give them something to focus on while they were working through their trauma.

Pouring two cups of tea and bringing them into the living room, she could see her words were still being mulled over. They hadn't been rejected entirely.

"Here." She put the mugs on the coffee table. "I've got a couple of ideas of little gestures that could make it special without being overwhelming."

"I think it'll take a lot more than gestures, love."

"I know, but it's a start. It's showing that you're making an effort to show her how much you care about her. That she's worth it."

"Maybe."

"You'll think about it?" Betsy didn't dare to get her hopes up.

"I'll think about it."

"Oh my god!"

"Calm down, will you. There's still a long way to go before you can think about buying a hat."

"Like I'm wearing a hat." Betsy rolled her eyes, earning herself a small laugh.

"Tell me your ideas, then. Little, non-overwhelming gestures."

"Eeeeeeeeee! I'm so excited!"

With that, Betsy threw herself forward for a hug. They could make this work, she knew they could.

"Argh!"

They both landed with a bump on the floor, tangled together. The jolt knocked Betsy's tea over, the liquid migrating across the coffee table and dripping onto the floor.

"I'm gonna regret this, aren't I."

"No. But you'd regret not giving it a go." Betsy said plainly.

She got up to get some kitchen roll, smiling at the conversation she'd just had. She knew it might end in disaster. An argument. But she also knew that her mum and Carla were just floating along, existing without really living. It had been a few weeks since the crash and they were all living in the same house without actually speaking to each other. Betsy was, once again, sharing her bed with her mum while Carla was sleeping on the sofa. Neither of them had wanted to sleep in their bedroom. Not after everything that had happened. Betsy knew that her mum had slept with Becky. There seemed to have been a fairly dubious degree of consent, which was something else that made Betsy feel ill. If her mum and Carla got their relationship back on track, she'd never complain again about listening to them at it through the wall.

Bringing a teatowel and the roll of kitchen roll back into the living room, she set about cleaning up the mess.

"Thanks, Betsy."

She looked up from where she was kneeling on the floor. "What for?"

"Making me see how much there is to fight for."

Betsy smiled. "You're welcome."

Happy that the tea was all wiped up, she dumped the soggy kitchen roll in the bin and slung the teatowel in the washing machine. She'd deal with that later.

"I love you so much, you know."

Betsy nodded. "I love you too, Carla."

To say Carla was nervous would be an understatement. It was a week since her conversation with Betsy and she'd made a plan to speak to Lisa after work this evening. Not that Lisa knew it yet. But something had to change. They were skirting around each other in the house, neither of them saying what they needed to say. Carla could only hope that her actions today would be the catalyst for a positive change, rather than be the final nail in the coffin.

Carla had secretly taken the day off work, giving Betsy the day off too to help with everything. Ryan had managed to take an extended lunchbreak from the Chariot Square and had chipped in too. It was a team effort and Carla really hoped Lisa would appreciate that. They were a family. One that was slightly bent out of shape, perhaps, but not broken. Hopefully not broken.

It had taken a lot of soul-searching for Carla to decide she could move past what had happened with Becky. That she could forgive Lisa for trusting her ex-wife over her, again and again. Carla knew there was more to it than simply taking her side. She wasn't blind. She'd watched Becky manipulate Lisa. She'd watched her feed her lies, playing on their long history to ensure Lisa was taken in. Carla knew, in her heart, that Lisa had been as much a victim in all this as she herself had. But it had taken a lot of long sleepless nights on the couch to come to accept that. She'd talked it through with Roy, ever the voice of calm and rational reason. He'd taken an instant dislike to Becky and watched her turn the screw, as powerless to stop it as Carla. And now...well, Carla had come to the conclusion she needed to either accept that Lisa had never meant to hurt her and move on, or let their relationship crumble under the weight of it all.

Carla just wasn't willing to let that happen.

The key in the door startled her. This was it. Lisa was home. Carla could feel the nerves building, as Lisa let herself in. The blonde barely looked at her as she made her way to the kitchen and filled a glass of water. Carla waited, not wanting to bombard her straight away.

Eventually, she decided it was now or never.

"Lisa...there's something...I've done something..." Carla shook her head. What was she even trying to say? "Sorry, let me start again..."

Lisa looked at her, one hand gripping the water glass and the other on the edge of the kitchen worktop. Her knuckles were white. She looked terrified.

"I've done something and I hope it's not the wrong thing..."

"Will you just spit it out?" Lisa sounded weary.

This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Carla was making a mess of it.

"Ok, so...this place was our home. Our sanctuary. And then, with everything that happened...it stopped feeling like that. And I hate that. I wanted to make it better. So I've got something to show you. And I hope you don't hate it. Betsy helped me choose everything, so maybe you can blame her -"

"Carla, what are you talking about?"

Carla sighed. "Can I just show you?"

Lisa looked resigned to whatever was happening and dutifully followed Carla up the stairs.

They stopped on the landing. Carla turned to face Lisa and took a deep breath.

"Right...neither of us have been using our bedroom. I found it quite difficult to even go in, knowing she'd been...well, you know."

Lisa looked down. Her hair hung over her face. Carla reached out to tuck it behind her ears. It was more physical contact than they'd had for weeks. She watched the sharp inhale that betrayed Lisa's surprise at Carla's actions.

"That wasn't me having a go, Lisa. I promise. I'm just trying to explain why I found it hard to go in. But..."

She reached out and opened the door, leading Lisa into the room. Her stomach was churning with nerves.

Lisa stood in the middle of the room silently, looking around. Taking it in.

"Say something. Anything!" Carla pleaded. She had no idea what Lisa was thinking.

"It's so different."

Lisa was right. The walls had been painted lilac instead of the pale grey of before. Gone were all the monochrome soft furnishings, the curtains now an indigo colour. The bed had moved and was now up against a different wall, blue and lilac bedcovers adorning it. The bedside tables and lamps were different. Betsy had helped Carla choose a nice, calming picture for the wall. It was a far cry from how it looked before. Almost unrecognisable. Carla loved how it looked.

"I wondered if..." Carla took another deep breath, steeling herself for rejection. "If you might want to start sleeping in here again. Together."

"Together?" Lisa looked at her sharply.

"If you don't want to...if you're not ready, I can keep sleeping on the sofa. But -"

"Do you want to?"

Carla nodded slowly, a small smile daring to cross her features. Lisa was silent. The pounding in Carla's chest was getting out of hand. She was so nervous about all of this.

"I bought you a present..."

Carla opened the wardrobe and pulled out a bag. Handing it over to Lisa, she shifted anxiously, still not really sure what Lisa was thinking.

Lisa reached into the bag and pulled out a pair of pale grey pyjamas. In the bottom of the bag was a soft purple dressing gown.

"They're to replace..."

Carla didn't need to finish the end of her sentence. They both knew what they were replacing. The green pyjamas and dressing gown Lisa had stuffed into a bin bag, the other day, and Carla's black dressing gown that Lisa had regularly stolen. They'd been unceremoniously dumped in the Platt's bin, not that their neighbours had noticed.

"Why?" Lisa looked at her, dressing gown in her hand.

"Because I love you." Carla said simply.

The immediate sobs from Lisa took Carla by surprise. The blonde doubled over, her body wracked with deep sobbing. She clutched the dressing gown in her arms like a life raft.

Carla didn't know what to do. What to say. In the end she waited. Eventually, Lisa stood back up.

"Why?"

"Why do I love you?"

Lisa nodded. "I've hurt you so much."

"Not on purpose."

"No." Lisa shook her head vehemently. "Never on purpose. But I still did it. You nearly died."

"That wasn't on you. Flippin' heck, Lisa, that wasn't on you. You are not responsible for that woman's actions." Carla could feel her voice raising. She tried to soften her tone. "But we do need to talk about it all. Not necessarily tonight, or tomorrow, but sometime. There's things we need to say to each other. Things we need to offload. About what happened. How we felt. But right now, all I need you to know is that I love you."

Lisa started to cry again. She stroked the dressing gown.

"Do you really want to start sleeping in here...with me?"

"Yeah I do." Carla nodded. "And I thought, if it looked totally different, it might make us both feel a bit more comfortable. Betsy helped choose everything. She helped me paint it this morning too."

"Of course she was in on it!" For the first time since the blonde had come home, Carla saw a small smile on her lips. "Carla...I don't know what to say."

"Say you'll think about it. Please. You don't have to say yes yet. Or ever. Just, say you'll think about it."

Lisa nodded again. There was a part of Carla that felt disappointed that Lisa hadn't jumped at the chance. But she knew how deep these traumas ran. It wasn't something she could rush.

"Why don't you have a shower and put your new pyjamas on?" Carla gestured to her own, new pyjamas. They were a similar style to Lisa's, only a navy colour. "And maybe we could sit together downstairs. We don't have to talk, if you don't want to, or at least nothing heavy."

"I'd like that."

With that, Carla watched Lisa retreat from the room and head into the bathroom. Whilst she wouldn't say her plan was going swimmingly, Lisa hadn't run away and that was the main thing. Maybe, if they could relax, their anxieties would lessen.

It was half an hour later when Carla heard a creek on the stairs that signified someone coming down them. It had to be Lisa. The other two had been warned to stay out all evening.

"Thank you for these. They're lovely."

Lisa looked a bit more like her usual self. Her hair hung in wet waves over her shoulders, her face scrubbed clean of any makeup. Carla had an urge to tell her she was beautiful. She debated whether to say it, worrying it might be too much. But, in the end, she decided to just be truthful.

"You look beautiful, Lisa."

As predicted, Lisa looked taken aback. Carla wondered if it was all too much.

"I'm sorry. I'm overwhelming you with all this, aren't I."

Lisa sat down heavily on the sofa and turned to her.

"I don't know what to make of it, to be honest."

"Why?"

"Why?" Lisa scoffed quietly. "Because our relationship is completely broken. Because I let my ex-wife get in my head, just like I always did. And you had to go through one of the worst experiences of your life. You told me, time and time again, and did I listen? You knew she was lying. And yet it was you who ended up locked away. She left you to die, Carla. How can I live with myself? I was so stupid. So blind. Call myself a detective..."

After the rapid offloading of her thouggts, Lisa started to cry. Carla tentatively moved closer and took her hand, stroking it gently.

"It's not broken."

"What?" Lisa sniffed, looking up at Carla.

"Our relationship. Us. It's not broken." Carla squeezed her hand. "Not unless that's what you want."

"Of course it's not. But how can we ever get past this?"

"You said yourself, earlier, that you didn't mean to hurt me. And I firmly believe that. I won't pretend I'm not hurt that you trusted her so implicitly, when I kept telling you not to. That you wouldn't believe what I was telling you. That...it really made me feel worthless. Like I was being made a fool of. And when she said you were back together. That you'd..."

Carla exhaled unsteadily. She hadn't been planning to have such a heavy conversation tonight. But maybe it needed to happen now. Maybe it was time.

"I thought you'd chosen her instead of me. I let her get in my head too. And Lisa...I hated her. I knew she was a liar. That she was good at manipulating people. And yet I let her get in my head. How can I be angry at you for letting her get in yours? You were together for so long."

Lisa was quiet, her eyes trained at the floor. Carla thought she wasn't going to say anything, but eventually she heard her whispering.

"I didn't want to. On Christmas Eve, when I...when we..." Lisa's voice wavered. "I'd given up. I'd given up on feeling happy. I thought you were on holiday, posting snaps on social media. Betsy was going to Spain with Becky. If I pushed Becky away, I thought I was going to lose Betsy. And I thought, maybe I didn't deserve to be happy. I'd pushed you away. And you were the best thing that had ever happened to me. Apart from Betsy being born, maybe. But you were gone and it was my fault. So I thought, I might as well let her. If I kept her happy, at least she wouldn't take my daughter away."

Carla only realised she was crying when she felt tears on her cheeks. She reached up to wipe them away.

"I hated it, you know. You probably don't want to know, do you. It's probably the last thing you want to think about, how I cheated on you. But I hated it. I sort of went along with it, at the start. Went through the motions to keep her happy. But then I think I just zoned out. She had a go at me afterwards. Said I didn't seem interested. Got annoyed when I cried."

"Lisa -"

"So you see, we are broken."

"No." Carla swallowed thickly. "No. That wasn't cheating. That was...I don't even know what it was. Manipulation, at best. Assault, at worst."

"It wasn't assault." Lisa shook her head. "I said yes."

"In words, maybe. But, Jesus Lisa, if that had been us and you'd seemed so off, so checked out...I would have stopped. I wouldn't have let it go on. I would have stopped."

"But -"

"But nothing. No. Do I feel sick at the thought of you and her together? Yes, of course I do. But it's because I know how she wormed her way in. Preyed on you when you were vulnerable. Anything you think you're guilty of, when it comes to that night, I forgive you."

Lisa looked up. "You forgive me?"

"Yes. Any of it. All of it. I don't blame you."

The silence crept back in, the weight of the conversation pressing down on them. Carla was desperate to give them some hope. Something to cling onto.

"Listen Lisa, I know this might be a bit much too soon, but..."

She went into the kitchen and pulled out a small box from one of the cupboards. Bringing it through to the living room, she set it down on the coffee table.

"We've been through an awful time. Together and separately. There's so much we still need to say to each other. We'll need to work really hard. But, it's not the end of us, is it? Do you want it to be the end of us?"

"No, no of course I don't." Lisa sobbed. "I love you so much, Carla. I never stopped loving you. I'm so sorry."

"Hey." Carla tentatively reached out to brush a tear off her cheek. She felt Lisa shiver. "I love you too. So there was two things I wanted to ask you..."

Carla's stomach twisted with nerves again. Lisa nodded slightly.

"Will you come to counselling with me? I know you hated it before. But I really think we need some outside help. Someone to help us work through everything. We can see someone separately, or together if you'd prefer. But, if we're going to try and find a way through this, I need to know you're committed to us laying our demons to rest."

"Yes." Lisa nodded again, a steely look of determination on her face. "I will. I think maybe we should go separately to start with. We probably need to try and make sense of our own feelings before we hear each other's."

"You're so wise."

Lisa laughed. "I don't think so."

"Thank you. For agreeing to that."

"I'd do anything to fix this, Carla. To fix us. I've felt lost without you. One minute we were planning our wedding and the next..."

"Well actually, that's sort of the second thing I wanted to ask you."

Carla opened the little box. Sarah had given her her own ring back and she'd found Lisa's in the pocket of her leather jacket, when they'd got home after the crash. She'd kept them both safe until she knew where everything was going.

Picking Lisa's ring out, she held it up. Lisa looked at her, stunned.

"I want to mend things. I want us to be able to look to the future. I know we've got a long way to go, but...do you still want to marry me?"

Lisa's tears started back up. "Yes. But you can't possibly want -"

"I do. There's nothing I want more than to put these rings back on our fingers. They'll give us the motivation to repair our relationship."

With that, Carla held out her own left hand and waited. Lisa reaching into the box and took out the big diamond ring.

"Are you sure?" She whispered.

"Yes."

With that, Lisa slid the ring back into Carla's finger and held out her own. Carla placed the delicate ring back in its rightful spot.

There was a pause before Lisa threw her arms around Carla's neck and sobbed into her hair.

"I'm so sorry, Carla."

"Me too."

"Why?" Lisa pulled back, eyeing her incredulously. "What have you got to be sorry for?"

"For not protecting you. I knew what she was doing and I just...let her."

"No you didn't. You tried so hard to -"

"And I failed, didn't I."

"No Carla. No. I'm not having that. You did you best."

Carla pulled her close again, her own face buried in the damp blonde waves. Sniffing gently, she smiled.

"You've stolen my shampoo."

Lisa pulled away, her eyes sparkling with a light Carla hadn't seen for weeks. Months, even. "Maybe! I like the smell. It makes me think of you."

"Soppy!" Carla pulled her in, arm around her shoulders as she kissed the top of her head.

"Carla..." Lisa looked up at her with a softness Carla thought she'd never see again. "Can we..."

"What, hmm?"

"Can we have a cuddle...here. You know, just put the telly on and sit together."

"I'd love that, Lisa. I'd really love that."

Carla reached for the remote, before settling Lisa back into the crook of her arm. She was about to put the tv on when she felt Lisa's hand, softly on her knee.

"Can you promise me something?"

"Yeah?"

"Promise me you won't pretend everything is magically better." Lisa murmured. "We've been through a horrible time and I need to work hard to regain your trust. Don't pretend it's all sunshine and roses. Let me work for it. Otherwise, it won't feel real. It'll feel like you're just pretending everything's fine when it isn't."

"I promise. And thank you. For acknowledging that."

They settled into a contented silence while they watched tv. At nearly 11 o'clock, Carla messaged Betsy to tell her she could come home. She felt bad that her and Ryan had been camped out at the Rovers all night.

Only a few minutes later, the front door opened and Betsy's head poked round the door. Taking in the sight of her mum and Carla curled up on the sofa together, she squealed.

Lisa leapt out of her skin. "Oh my god, Betsy! You terrified me!"

"Sorry sorry, but...aaarrgghh! Does this mean you two have made up?"

"Yeah, but Bets...it's early days. We've agreed to go to counselling and try and work through what happened."

"And did you see your bedroom? Isn't it amazing? I helped to paint it, with my own fair hands."

Lisa laughed, a sound Carla would never tire of hearing for the rest of her life. All those nights in Becky's cupboard, and then in the shipping container, one of the things which made her the saddest was the thought of never hearing that laugh again.

"It's beautiful, Betsy. Thank you so much. And, before I forget to tell you and you just notice them..."

Carla watched as Lisa propped herself back up into a sitting position and held out her hand for Betsy to see. This time, they were all a lot more prepared for the squeal.

"Anyway, it's getting late. We should all head to bed soon." Lisa paused and turned to look at Carla, shyly. "Do you still want to sleep in our room, with me?"

"Yeah." Carla whispered.

Lisa looked at her earnestly. "Thank you."

Forty minutes later, they were lain in bed. In their new, old room. A fresh start. The first step on a new path. It was one that neither of them had seen coming. Becky had crashed into their lives like a giant wrecking ball, but here they were, shaken but still standing.

"Do you remember the day we got engaged." Carla held Lisa loosely round her waist, as they lay side by side. "You'd had a bit too much to drink in the Rovers and we walked back here. And you said: with you by my side, we are indestructible. And, you know what, I think you might have been right."